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Sassa first met Chef G on the internet, which is also where Chef G first saw Sassa’s NSFW posts. Over the past year, they’ve come to know their true selves through the digital work they do, whether it’s Twitch streaming or camming. They’ve also become close friends — even close enough to guess what the other might like in the bedroom. Who said you should never connect with strangers online?

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Sassa, Chef G

Chef G  00:01

I’m Chef G, my pronouns are she/her.

Sassa  00:04

Almost heard she say daddy, sorry.

Chef G  00:17

Hi, I’m Chef G, my pronouns are she/her/daddy.

Sassa  00:21

Hi, I’m Sassa, my pronouns are she/her, and you’re listening to GOOD SEX. I think it was a little over a year ago. Now at this point when we first met, it was kind of just casual. Just kind of in chats, we’re both Twitch streamers. So in chats, we kind of just spoke to each other. And I found kind of like a home in chef’s community. And so finding that place and then getting to know chef really brought a really amazing friendship between us.

Chef G  00:57

I feel like Sassa has a very like pure heart. So I’m like, I really, I really do. I really do appreciate this. I’m really happy that I know her. And it’s been really great to just continue to get to know you and get close to us. So really nice. What do you think people should know about sex work?

Sassa  01:22

There’s so much people should know about sex work. I feel like with the recent blowing up of like, only fans, I’d say recent but past few years ever since you know, Beyonce was, shout out Onlyfans. I feel like people are like, Oh, easy money. And I’ve had a lot of friends even in my life come to me and say, hey, like, I’m really tight on money. Right now I’m thinking about starting and only fans. And it’s like, that’s great. If that’s something you’ve thought about and really have thought through everything and knowing that people are going to find out. You just have to build those spaces and no boundaries. You know what you’re willing to do what you’re not willing to do for money. You know, the internet is great, because you can reach so many people and I’m only speaking for digital sex work, because that’s what I do. I don’t do anything, you know, in person. Never, unfortunately, never been a stripper. So I can’t speak on you know, but I’m only speaking digital work camming only fans stuff like that. But the internet is great, because you can get a lot of exposure really fast. At least for me when I’m doing spicy work. Like I have a whole separate persona that’s not connected to any other content I make not connected to my Twitch, my TikTok, and all that stuff is […]. But then my spicy stuff is a completely different name, not following any of the other accounts and just completely separate. So you know, if people put two and two together, you know, it is what it is. But, you know, you can create stories that may have a little bit of truth to them, but are still a fantasy, because that’s what it is at the end of the day, is you’re selling a fantasy. Well, we were just talking about the importance of protecting yourself as a sex worker. So how do you create a safe space for people in this community?

Chef G  03:29

Honestly, it’s me being like, comfortable enough to say no, you can’t say that. Don’t say that. Or this isn’t right. That’s wrong, whatever. And I know, I’ve gotten some backlash from like, you know, in terms of like viewers and stuff will get mad at me if they’re like saying things wrong, or whatever. Like, I’m always like, respect people’s pronouns respect people’s like choice to want to how they want to express themselves respect people’s kinks, because I mean, we talk about sex all the time and stream and which I am I love it so much that everybody’s comfortable. I tell everybody all the time, like 18 plus, they’ll talk about age. Don’t do that, you know what I mean? It’s just like, kind of setting those boundaries at the start of like, this is you know what I mean? This is what it is, is what it is not, and if you want to be here, you can be here but if you don’t want to be here, you don’t like that or you don’t like the way that I’m saying something fine, but I have to be I’m like, very stern on when I say like no, that’s not right. I think that that kind of like it kind of scares some people away. Because I know I could come off pretty like aggressive in that way. But I feel because it is all virtual that like I’m not in front of you to like really push off the vibes to you. So I have to make it I make a conscious effort to like make like you know what I mean to put some power behind me saying like, this is not right to do and you should not judge people you should not do this or whatever the case like, I mean, especially as me being a hypersexual person, I want to facilitate that same spin Ace and have those same conversations because I enjoy talking about it. I could talk about it all day, if I’m being honest with you. Okay, this is my question for you. When is the time you struggled with self-love? Or how did you overcome it? I also, I should preface that first with, the reason why I ask is because I know like, sex work, like even for me, I’m like, I want to try to like do something when I’m like, I don’t really know. And like, I’ve never really had a struggle until I was an adult with self-love. But also, I feel like that also has a lot to do with having the confidence to do it. So I just want to preface that with like, that’s, that’s what drew me to ask you this question too, because I was like, how do you kind of like, get to do that? You know what I mean? How do you gain the courage for that? And where did it start?

Sassa  05:52

Totally. Well, Self-Love is something that I won’t lie I still continue to struggle with, it’s always kind of a battle that’s in the back of my head. But I would say, all my life, I’ve been a bigger girl, I’m tall, I’m 5’8. And I’ve always been pretty heavy set, I’ve always felt like a lot of eyes have been on me, I also developed pretty early, and I’ve always had like wide hips and a big butt. So I was sexualized from a really young age. And that is what kind of pushed me to do the work that I do now. But it also has been something that I’ve been really self-conscious about at the same time. So just trying to like rework that thought into something positive is something that I still continue to work on to this day. But one time that I really struggled, has been through the pandemic, honestly, because I did gain a lot of weight during the pandemic. And kind of just my vitamin D levels dropped. So I got really depressed, and I just haven’t been as happy with myself. And the way I look. So profiting off of that was something that I just didn’t feel like I could do, because I was like, oh, people see me as small waist big butt. So now that I have more of a stomach, I’m not as attractive. But I’ve found that to be not true. I just jumped back into making content. And nobody said anything. Not that I would expect them to but it was a fear that I had. But just realizing that it really is about the confidence that people are more attracted to like, people are attracted to so many different types of body types, etc. But people are even more attracted to your confidence and your personality. So that has been the push to help me deal with the self-love and kind of helped me to accept myself even more. I actually I had the same question. Oh my god, I did I did. So for you. When is the time that you struggled with self-love. And how did you overcome that?

Sassa  08:09

Honestly, it’s I think it really started during through the pandemic. Because before that I was more of a person where I’d never really struggled with, like, rejection or anything I kind of went about, especially with like dating and things even from when I was younger, when I was a teenager, I kind of went about like, oh, they probably like have somebody that’s why they said no to me, like it’s in my mind. It just, it just did not click that way of like I was never really afraid of it. And I consider the COVID pandemic to be not only just the pandemic, but an era of just a shit show kinda but I think that was really when a lot of the self-love or struggling with it kind of came about I did roll into a depression and things like that. And when I found Twitch, was at a time where I was like really not in a good place. How I overcame and I think was to find something that I loved and that I felt free enough to do and I think that honestly, it was really liberating when I found this whole world of just content creation, whether it be TikTok, Twitch, you know what I mean? Even YouTube or whatever the case, I just found this whole new world of being able to like kind of just be myself and people love me for being me. It feels like you know, those who are for me or for me, those who are not are not right and that’s okay, you know, it doesn’t have to be everybody. So, I know you come from a very sex positive family, or environment. How has your family’s view of sex impacted your own journey and identity?

Sassa  10:00

Yeah, that’s a really great question. My family’s view on sex has always been very open. My grandpa, he was an actor did a lot of Broadway and stuff like that. But he also was obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. He loved Marilyn Monroe. And he had Marilyn Monroe’s naked Playboy calendar up in his apartment, and I don’t blame him as a child. But I grew up seeing that and it was like nothing like seeing a naked body wasn’t like taboo, or like, oh, don’t look at this, like you shouldn’t see this. Like, it was just there. And if I had questions, I was able to ask those and he would answer them. Later, I found out that he was a phone sex operator for a period of time, because, you know, actors got to do what they got to do in between the shows. And that’s something he did, and my grandma, his ex-wife, she was a Playboy bunny waitress and you know, that expectation of being sexy for the money was there. And again, just something I was always able to talk to them about. My mom was friends with porn stars and stuff like that. And my god mom was Carrie Fisher. So like, she was, I would say, a sex icon in a way with the gold bikini and Star Wars. So yes, it was just always something that was talked about like bodies, and it’s just nice to have support. It feels like being in this world and knowing I can always ask questions.

Chef G  11:38

That’s what’s up. Yeah. I love that so much. It’s like you kind of always been surrounded by it and has been, like, just so easy for you. That’s really nice. I grew up Baptist. I don’t do a lot of that now, but like, as kind of I grew up, so it was like, my mom was a lesbian. And then my aunt is my aunt. But, you know, I think they’re the only two that were like, you know, it’s whatever, it’s fine. Like, I know, there have been times where my girlfriend and I were having sex. And my aunt and screams, she was like, you need to calm down, go get some water. It’s just crazy like that. It’s just it was so funny.

Sassa  12:27

How do you keep things spicy in a long term relationship?

Chef G  12:32

Oh, well, honestly, okay, so for me, it’s more like I when I just think about something, I’m very reactive, I’m kind of impulsive. So I think like, like keeping things spicy, like that is really like, for me, whatever I want to do, I’m gonna just go for it kind of thing. But if I think about it more strategically, I think, trying to be as affectionate as I can and not even like, in a physical way, but more of like, mentally like I liked a lot of like wordplay and stuff like that, even as you know, like, you hear me all the time on stream and stuff. Like I play around with words all the time. And I do that in real life. So my intimacy level is always on like 200, you know what I mean? It’s always on 200 Even if I can’t like actively do anything but yeah, I would definitely say like I’m more of like a mental work kind of person until it’s time to get physical. And for me and what’s worked for me and my partner is that so and then when it’s time to get physical then it’s just like it’s fireworks I guess.

Sassa  13:41

Right. It’s like you already have the tension you’re just like building tension and then like when you cut it it’s just like there’s so much there.

Chef G  13:47

I love building tension I’m really I’m kind of a troublemaker in that way.

Sassa  13:51

I can do that.

Chef G  13:53

I love building tension that’s my thing. Good tension.

Sassa  14:04

last question here. What do you think my favorite sexy time act is? You see so much of my stuff on Twitter. You know, I post a lot on Twitter.

Chef G  14:18

Okay, wait maybe just because I liked it, I don’t know maybe being biased but I think it’s head. It’s you giving. If not, I think it is doggy style.

Sassa  14:40

You are right on both answers. I was really the doggy one I was like I don’t know if she’s gonna I don’t know. She’s gonna get that one. The head one.

Chef G  14:59

What do you think my favorite sexy time act is?

Sassa  15:04

I want to say the same giving head I don’t know why you give me that energy. Or to be more specific. I feel like you’d like to have your face sat on.

Chef G  15:19

All right. Yes, yes. So yes the head, sitting on face also yes. Also, yes, just put one leg up, you know, just go have a seat. That’s fine.

Sassa  15:35

Do you have another one though that I probably wouldn’t know?

Chef G  15:38

Honestly, anything with anything with a strap on like me having it. Like if I’m in like a really dominant mood. And I’d be like, I’m about to fucking shut up.

CREDITS 15:56

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. The show was produced by Kegan Zema and Dani Matias our supervising producer is Xorje Olivares. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad and APM music. If you like GOOD SEX, please rate and review us. Listen and follow for new episodes each week, wherever you’re listening right now. And if you want more good sex, subscribe to Lemonada Premium for some quickies additional conversations between our guests only on Apple podcasts.