Holidays, Tofurkey, Starbucks
‘Tis the season for stuffed fowl, Mariah Carey, and family drama! Sarah takes your holiday calls and offers advice on traveling, conservative relatives, and what to do when you’re feeling lonely this season. Bake a batch of rugelach and enjoy!
You can leave a voice memo for Sarah at speakpipe.com/TheSarahSilvermanPodcast.
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Voicemail 7, Sarah, Elijah, Ila, Kate Cohen, Jenny, Voicemail 2, Joel, Sarah Silverman, Bob, Voicemail 9
Sarah Silverman 00:14
Hey y’all, it’s your old pal Sarah, and happy Thanksgiving. What do you know we made it? We didn’t think we would. But we did, it’s my first Thanksgiving without my parents. And I keep thinking the same three words over and over in my head. I miss my parents. Oh, that’s four words. I miss my parents, I miss my parents live it’s I don’t get it, because it’s not a productive mantra, but I just keeps happening and then I don’t want to put voice to it, which I would hope would kind of like exercise it because then it just makes everyone around me feel bad, and there’s nothing they can do about it. But that’s what I’m feeling lately. But I am spending my Thanksgiving with all four sisters will be together. And that’s super special, and it’s gonna be good. Rory is making the turkey and I’m making the Tofurky, which is basically just heating it up. And we’ll be together and we’ll all be feeling it because we all lost her parents. So that’s really nice, we used to we used to, for many years, we just were never in. We’re all in separate places and never together for Thanksgiving and sometimes just my sister Laura and I would like open up a can of. It sounds sadder than it is, we’d hang out at my old apartment, and we’d open up a can of cranberry sauce, the kind that just is like shaped like the can it’s like not real at all. And we get a couple forks. And we’d eat it while listening to like Dr. Laura on the radio on am radio, who, on Thanksgiving, she just has people call in with jokes. That sounds very sad to hear it. But we had a good time and then but what for a long time, we would all come home to New Hampshire for Thanksgiving and we did something genius. I think, that I would suggest for anyone who is dreading the hell of travel, we would fly home on Thanksgiving, we would fly home on Thursday, all of us would travel on Thursday, in fucking empty airports. Like queens, It’s so great and then we just have, we’d have Thanksgiving Friday, who gives a fuck. The whole point is that you’re together and like having Thanksgiving so we did it on Friday and travel was just a an absolute dream, travel home still sucked but still, I don’t know. I feel grateful I really do with ever all the shit going on in the world, for some reason, it’s made me very scared but it’s also made me feel just super grateful. I just keep, I lie in bed at night and I just keep feeling so grateful relieved, whatever to just be warm and dry and healthy, yeah, and have like all kinds of love in my life. These things I feel so grateful for and I, I have also immense guilt that so many others don’t have these things. But all I can do is everything I can do to try to help that. And beyond that I realized that is an absolute Shonda to not utterly celebrate all of these things, and appreciate them. You can google Shonda yiddish use that context clues, and let’s take some calls, let’s take some voicemails Happy Thanksgiving.
Sarah Silverman 04:17
You left me a message, now I’m playing it for the world [..]
Hello, Sara. I’ve been listening to your show since the very first episode. And I realized how much I missed it when you weren’t on the air. This is Joel or is it kids in Hebrew school used to call me Joe wall with the “w”. I’m calling to ask you a question related to Thanksgiving since you’re asking you for Thanksgiving questions. Who would you invite over to dinner if you could invite four people who are still alive that you don’t know. We asked that question in our family and you are one of those people that I would invite I think you would be very fun to hang out with and get high with Seth Rogen would be one of my others. I know you to know each other, but I’ve never met either of you. I would just like to listen to him talk and tell stories and listen to his laugh. The third person I came to mind was Kevin Hart. He wouldn’t be funny to hang out with to and he’s from Philadelphia, as am I and then the fourth person was hard to come up with when I think AOC I think I’d like to get a political perspective. She’s also from New York, she could tell good stories. I think the four of you plus me would make for a very interesting dinner conversation. So who would you invite that you don’t already know. Thanks for listening, bye.
Sarah Silverman 05:42
I’m gonna be honest, I like your four. I do that I do those maybe minus, you know, offense. You can come Gello, well, you know, it’s funny Seth Rogen I’ve done his charity Hilarity for Charity which raises money for I’m laughing because I know, me not being able to remember is Alzheimer’s, sorry, Alzheimer’s research. Anyway, he introduced me I did stand up to raise money for Alzheimer’s research, which is his, his he and his wife, Lauren Miller, Hilarity for Charity that’s what that is. And he introduced me as the first famous person he ever smoked pot with. And I didn’t know that and I mean, I came on stage I was just like, what is that true? But it’s so funny. I’m like, a few years older than him, so when I was like a young comic at the improv, he was probably like, a senior in high school or something, and his friend, Jonathan Kasdan would drive around and come out front, and I’d be like, outside, and he, I didn’t know him. This is how we met, he would, he’s a filmmaker now. He would say, you want to smoke pot? I have pot No, go all right, get in his car. And one time he took me to his house, which was near the improv and I guess a young Seth Rogen was there and we all smoked pot as real horror for free weed back then. That’s why now or even before it became legal, like as I became successful and had plenty of weed whenever I wanted it, I always I went up whatever’s left, I would leave somewhere readily discoverable by for teenagers. Fucked up, whatever. What else?
Voicemail 2 07:49
I love you. I love the way that you talk about grief and loss and all other things. So you asked for, I guess in your last episode about like, holiday prompts, I’ve wanted to send a question for the better half of this year, or just share but I didn’t have a question yet. But I do now. So I also lost both my mom and my stepdad, this year, within a two month period, my mom was sick. So I saw that coming, my stepdad died suddenly, shortly thereafter. Turned out he also had liver disease that nobody knew about. So obviously, my family is still reeling from that going into the holidays, I’m going to be traveling home to begin cleaning out their house and the house is completely untouched, her purse is still on the counter. So I guess my question for you is what was that process like for you and your family? And do you have any suggestions for me to stay strong and heart mind and spirit through that difficult process? I hope there will be closure involved. There’s also a very tumultuous relationships between my my brothers and I so if you have any guidance or tips for me on that, yeah, wish me luck.
Sarah Silverman 09:16
Yeah, I we cleaned out their apartment in LA. And then then they had a little apartment in Boca and Joe Dean just went out and did that, which was really hard for her. Um, you know, but it can be really it was actually really cathartic. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would take. Because what you realize in the end, is all this stuff that is like our whole lives is just stuff. But it was kind of cathartic, you know, I would hope that it would bring you and your brothers together to do this together. But if it would be more cathartic or slash more pleasant if you don’t have to contend with tension with your brothers and maybe take shifts. But you know, first you want to go through and take any anything you want if there’s you know, the the keepsakes that like with my mom, I grabbed her overalls and her political pins, you know, and that was it. You know, with my dad, I took his T shirt he always wore which says pieces possible and in English, Arabic and Hebrew. And what else did I take up as something else? Oh, I, I took his scale because I’ve never had a scale and I figured out and I decided to do his method of weight maintenance, which is you decide your best healthiest weight and then you weigh yourself every once in a while and if I go Dad, what do you have a scale, like, who cares and he goes, well, my perfect weight is blah, blah, blah, I couldn’t remember what it is. He said, I go on the scale and if I’m a little over, I eat less than if I’m in a little Lunda I eat more. I actually think that’s really good. Um, from Janice, I took this padded it’s just a hanger. But it’s it’s got like this printed pattern that’s like so her and it just I don’t know, I wanted something and then I found in her bottom drawer of like her socks and underwear. A piece of paper, not in an envelope or anything ripped. And it’s handwritten letter from their wedding day that my dad wrote to her about like, just wanting to live a happy content life and to be content as they’re elderly looking back on their life of their kids and their family, and it was like, they did everything he wrote in there. They did you know, like, they lived a happy life together with a family that they adored. So I took it home and I put it in a little frame. But anyway, I digress a little take anything that means something to you, or that you want and give away the rest or chuck what you can’t give away period, I mean, it’s that’s it, and it sucks, but you’ll be glad you did it. And, boy, it feels like a major accomplishment and it it forces you to process stuff. You know. I mean really says, man at the end of the day, it’s just gonna be someone throwing all your Spanx away. What else? I mean, good luck. I’m sorry. It was like dour last sentence. What else?
Hi, Sarah, this is Ila. So I’ve been having this really big problem. My, okay, so my mom’s side of the family is just super ignorant, misinformed, all that jazz. And they’re always posting on Facebook, for years, I’ve been dealing with this and I used to respond to their stuff all the time, but then I listened to your podcast and you said something about how if you want to maintain healthy relationships with loved ones, you’re just gonna have to let shit slide. So I have been I started letting shit slide ever since you said that,a nd then my cousin starting to get really annoying on Instagram. I don’t respond to him. I just muted him because I said Sarah said not to. So then I posted something about healthcare sucks in America, Bernie something Bernie posted, and he responds to my story and says a bunch of like, effed up shit, so then I was like, you know what, I just gonna respond with a heart and tell him I love him. So I did, and then his birthday party comes up. I didn’t go to his birthday party because I was busy because I have a life and he goes up to my mom, and it’s like, did you know you love is a Biden lover, and I’m like, what my mom tells me this and I’m like, what the f because I’m not a Biden lover. Just because I’m like, not a Republican, I must love Biden, I guess. And so, now I just feel like I have all this pent up shit inside of me. And he’s starting to post homophobic stuff on Instagram. And he’s just being so crazy. And I just like, I can’t hold it anymore, and I don’t know what to do.
Sarah Silverman 14:39
Why do you care what he thinks or what he thinks you think? I mean, I get it. But it’s it really sounds like he’s like He read that book The Game and he’s negging you and it’s working, like you care what he thinks. Stop following him on social media. It’s good that you muted him. Follow stuff on there that makes you happy. He is not the news. What he thinks does not have to touch your life. Find it adorable. You know, do not expose yourself to it I know you’ve been working on that, that’s good. But fucking exposing yourself to his shit does not help you or the well being of the world in any way. So he told your mother, you’re a Biden lover who fucking cares? Who cares? Read the news. Look at a plethora of outlets. Sure, yes, you do not need to be privy to your cousin’s social media feed, it serves nothing. But you know that? Hey, your [….] yeah, it’s us your cousin, whatever. Who cares? Like, why is your mom even passing that on to you? But, uh, it’s funny. It should just be funny. I know, a cumulatively what people like him think is a force. But he is not one.
Hi, Sarah, my name is Sarah, too. And I am calling because I have a question. And you could maybe use this in the holiday section. But I had a partner about two years ago, three years ago, who’s Jewish. And our relationship did not last unfortunately, we were long distance. And with COVID, it just kind of fell apart, sadly. But, um, through him, I really enjoyed learning about Jewish culture. And I practiced a good bit during the time that we work together. And so I found through that a, you know, a connection in a way. I was not raised Jewish by any means. And I don’t have Jewish family, as far as I know. My question to you is this. Is it appropriation for me to continue observing, and like I make one hell of a batch of arugula, you know, and it would be a shame for me not to do that, but I also don’t want to be that person who is just taking something that’s not mine. So please let me know what you think. I love you so much. And thank you, for all you do it.
Sarah Silverman 17:50
That’s not what appropriation is, like, that’s appreciation that’s taking stuff that you love from a culture and integrating it into your life through that love of that culture. Appropriation is when you take something from a culture and repackage it as your own thing. That’s, you know, the, like black culture in America has been appropriated for generations. You know, that’s, that’s where its appropriation it’s racist. It’s it’s taking its you know, I mean, nothing against Bo Derek, who’s a lovely woman, but it’s like, Bo, Derek and cornrows and 10 it was ignorance at the time it was, you know, we’re what we don’t, you know, this is stuff from a Jewish culture and I love it, so I want to make it and I want to bubble up. That’s not appropriation Jews love, you know, there’s nothing I love more than when my friends say boy, you know, whatever, or, or like Jewi stuff, that’s lovely, very different things, but I know where it’s you it’s scary because you want to truly do what’s right, and you know, that there’s probably so much you don’t know. And, you know, any misstep is not handled with the utmost grace. But, ya no, I think you’re thinking of, you know, I’m sure this happens in many cultures, but here in America, the big glaring one is what what white America has stolen from black culture without any credit or compensation or understanding. You know, it’s my bill burr pointed out, but like woke could the word woke. Comes from black culture, at least be aware of that as you live a woke life playdough. Alright, what else?
Hi, Sarah. My name is Jenny. Wondering if I can get your take on this. I’m going to try to squeeze this all in here. My son 20 year old son was diagnosed with schizophrenia two years ago, two months after he graduated from high schools. So you know the world at your fingertips at 18 and it stops and is flipped completely upside down. In those two years, he’s been hospitalized five times, attempted suicide three times. My question for you is how do I sort through my anger, because that’s where I still am, and have been seemingly there for the last two years, because every buddy in our lives have just dropped off the face of the earth. That’s what it seems like, I spend pretty much every waking hour of my day, educating myself on the disease, trying to save his life. It’s exhausting. I’m, I feel helpless and alone. And I don’t really feel the need to spend Thanksgiving with them. So I get an invite, asking if I’m coming, but not a house Jack, nothing. Nada, how’re you? Nothing. This disease is extremely isolating. And I get no one knows what to say. So they walk away, essentially, is what’s happened here. And I’m pissed, I’m talking my parents. I’m talking friends I’ve been friends with for 30 years. And my son has nobody, everybody’s gone. What do I do with those? How do I manage this? I am so angry and sad for my kid, thanks Sarah.
Sarah Silverman 21:40
I’m so sorry. I know you’re reading everything there is on this stuff. I what little I know is that you can live a fairly normal life with schizophrenia, but you have to really commit to taking the antipsychotic medicine. But you can, you can live a happy, a long happy life. And, you know, it’s funny because I read like, I remember reading this the things that people with schizophrenia really need to, to succeed, living with this. And it’s, it’s interesting, because it’s like, a lot of it is stuff we all need. But they really, really need in order to not trigger the, you know, trigger the disease, sleep, a healthy diet, exercise, some some kind of movement, get your sweat on, and it’s funny, I remember reading this, to your point, that support is massive support from the people around you is massive in the success of living with this. So I’m, you know, I’m so sorry. You know, but it is that’s like the biggest thing they talk about is positive support, whether it’s from family, friends, or support groups, which, you know, I would guess often become your family and your friends. So, you know, there is there is joy out there to be had, I get your disappointment. It’s, it’s horrible, and that sucks. But I just am saying go towards places where you can find support whenever you can, wherever that is. So you know, you need to you and you need support too. And I think a lot of what you’re feeling is that, you know, in order to be well, and keep yourself well and happy so that you can be great support for your son. You need support as well. Even if it’s from a support group. And you know, what’s great is there are support groups for every with everything. And there’s absolutely I guarantee you I could find, I would guess there is a support group for parents of children who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and families because your anger is is warranted. But my guess is your family is scared. And I’m sorry, and the anger you feel is not healthy for you or anyone either, but I get it. You need to make it your job to find support for yourself and your son and find these places and find a community and there is one and I’m sorry and I love you and I’m thinking send it out a little, love juice your way. That sounds disgusting.
What else? Hey, Sarah, it’s your buddy Elijah. I just wanted to share something kind of positive. I’m trans and I came out this year, and I started medically transitioning, and legally transitioning. And earlier this week, I officially filed to change my name and my sex designation. And I went to celebrate by myself at Starbucks with a festive coffee beverage, and a birthday cake pop, because that felt appropriate. And I’m in the drive thru, and the line is really long, and I don’t know who designed this shit. I think they did it as a joke. They were jaded in their job because when the drive thru line is long, all these poor people actually parked at Starbucks to go inside are corralled in and they can’t get out.
Sarah Silverman 25:53
Oh, yeah, that’s like the in and out at a Hollywood in orange.
And I was stopping and making sure that the people who were trying to get out could get out, and not everybody was doing that. So then I went and I ordered and I went to go pay. And the person in front of me had paid for it. And that was just so special, and I don’t know if they did it just because they were feeling festive,b ecause those satanic holiday cups are out at Starbucks now or because they saw that I was trying to not be a dick to the people trying to get out. But I don’t think they know how special that was to me, it was so just wanted to share something positive.
Sarah Silverman 26:34
Doesn’t that little shit and it means so much that stuff, isn’t it? It’s just It’s funny how easy it is to fucking make someone’s day. It’s so easy to like gift, positive energy. And isn’t that great? What a mitzvah the things that give people love aren’t like big giant gestures. And everyone wins. You know, they didn’t even need to see you find out they left knowing they did a little fucking mitzvah for someone and that’s, it’s not just kind it, it not only makes you feel good. I’m sure they felt good. And also look how easy I’m finding it to call a singular person, they when I don’t know who they are. Why do I stumble so horrifyingly with friends pronouns? When you don’t know who it is, it’s like they they they slow anyway, thanks for passing on the good vibes, Elijah and congrats on being authentically yourself, pumpkin.
Voicemail 7 27:49
Hi, Sarah. To answer your question, no, I am not looking forward to holidays. In fact, I am very much wishing they could just be over. I some backstory is that I have been alone since locked down. And my best friend was addicted to Crystal Meth right before locked down. So when we all had to hunker down, I knew I had to get away from him. So I moved. And I’ve been alone since and I mean, really alone. I am a therapist, so I work alone. My family is in Rhode Island. I’m in California, all my friends are spread out during the pandemic. And honestly were kind of annoyed with me because I hadn’t cut out my drug addict friends. So over the past couple years, I’ve been really trying to reconnect try to rebuild a life. But the fact is, I live this like nightmare of an existence where I wake up every day, knowing that the day is going to be exactly the same. There would be no friends, no loved ones, no conversations, nothing to laugh about. It’s just about getting through the day. So I can go to sleep again, hoping that the next day will be better. And now that the holidays are approaching I know everyone once again, it’s going to ask me how I’m doing, how things are going. And my answer is going to be they still suck. They’re still horrible. I’m still lonely, and all of you people who have been asking me this question, are not doing anything to help me get past this. And so I find myself getting angry, and I hate the holidays. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix my life. And I don’t know how to be patient with people who care but don’t do anything.
Sarah Silverman 29:19
Sweetie, you’re not doing anything to get past this, that’s the problem. What you’re describing is that you are doing the same thing every day and expecting a different result and you’re disappointed. You’re not getting one, you didn’t you say you’re a therapist, what are you a physical therapist, an occupational therapists? Maybe you’re a cognitive therapist, and it’s like the cobblers son has no shoes or something but sweetie. When I say the cobblers son has no shoes that’s dead. You guys know that saying you know it’s like when you get your hair done and the person who is doing your hair has like back I had hair, which is for some reason common probably because they’re doing everyone else’s hair and don’t have time to do their own. And I know it sounds like I’m digressing, but I’m actually not this time, you are responsible for your happiness, period. You are responsible for at least half of connecting with others, your families in in Rhode Island, go to Rhode Island, fly on Thanksgiving Day, the easiest day to travel and spend the rest of your weekend soaking them up listening to their lives, asking them questions about them. You might relate to them, or connect with them just from being interested in what they’re up to. What they care about what they enjoy what they worry about, you are not alone. You may be isolating yourself, it sounds like but you don’t have to be alone. And by the way, be your own best friend and get great at it. Be the person you want to be around. Work on that working on yourself changes how you see everyone else around you. You know I? I remember saying to my shrink years ago, and I was single at the time and I said. How am I going to find somebody who has done this level of work on themselves? And he just you know, looked at me sweetly and quietly until I went, oh right. Not everyone needs this level of work on themselves. All right, well, good luck. Alright, doll. What else?
Hey, sir it’s Bob. I just wanted to talk about Thanksgiving food. I don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving. But I do kind of want to eat some turkey. I don’t use the food unless it’s plant based and organic. And when I was in prison I put up I was a Messianic Jew, so I could have kosher meals that’s so smart. And a lot of people’s kosher meals would get stolen by the food workers. So I was a food worker too. And I would just kind of get my kosher meal. And then Thanksgiving call around and I would still I’d have to steal my own Thanksgiving plate and Christmas plate. Because you want to be on the kosher meals, so you know, you know the Bologna doesn’t have all pieces of feathers in it stuff. It’s slow, it’s a lot better, healthier option. So I’m just wondering if there’s anything that you don’t eat on Thanksgiving, and what’s your favorite? All right, hope you have a deal with this.
Sarah Silverman 32:53
This call took it a wild turn. I love it. Thanks for sharing. And I’m glad you’re out, glad you’re out of the can. And well I don’t eat turkey. As a matter of fact, I became a vegetarian on on Thanksgiving when I was six. We lived on a farm and you know kind of and but the farm the neighboring farm the Villanova’s farm Vic Vilanno was all the it was all the vegetables and it was meat. And so my dad took me to pick out our Thanksgiving turkey and I didn’t understand what that meant. And then I picked out a turkey and watched it get slaughtered and did not eat turkey that night. Still ate happy meals for a couple more years. And then so anyway, I do not eat the turkey. But I love all the sides and I get it tofurkey at raw foods, itt’s called it’s called the it’s a 360 brand, but that’s the one I liked the most it’s plant based roast. It’s called and it’s so fucking good. I just let I like the taste of it, it sounds like you need some representation of turkey for Thanksgiving, but I love it so I eat it. I love all the cranberry shit I told you I like the kind that comes out shapes like a can. I love the candied yams, preferably with a dandies marshmallow component. I love all that shit even in a steakhouse. Like at a steak restaurant. I love all the sides I can always eat there. It’s just getting harder and harder for me to be around like wet meat. It’s I’m not preachy about it. The people I love who are surrounded by eat meat, but it is just starting to make me like really nauseous to be around like meat. But anyway to each of their own that’s my answer. What else?
Voicemail 9 35:07
Hi Sarah. calling because my family comes from a divorce so I have sisters and biological brother but no one celebrates the holidays together anymore. And it’s really sad. My sisters go to their brother their in laws. And I want to know what I can do to kind of recreate some holiday traditions. Thanks.
Sarah Silverman 35:36
Well, I have an idea, you know, for a bunch of years. I said earlier, you know, my family would just not we wouldn’t have Thanksgiving together everyone was like doing their own thing. And for a while I had stragglers Thanksgiving. So just you know, all my friends so many comics especially are they’re not working on thing you know, there isn’t any stand up on Thanksgiving, you know, is it’s like, they they’re kind of have nowhere to go and are in LA or you know, whatever. And so I would always have just the stragglers come and it would be mostly comics and some other friends and sometimes some sister or you know, and they were always so special that you know, those days. That’s a really nice thing to do when you don’t have your family to celebrate. Have like the family you make or just the other stragglers in your life. You know, some you might not be that close to now you might, you know. So that’s my suggestion. Good luck. What else?
Kate Cohen 36:53
Hi, Sarah. My name is Kate Cohen. I’m a writer and Jewish atheist, or an atheist too. I’m not sure which. I imagine that the holidays are going to be hard for you and for others who are missing people they love. I’m not religious, but I still think we need ceremonial words to say so I wrote this prayer. For times like these. It doesn’t have God in it, so anyone can use it even believers. invocation of the absence guessed what a wonder is the human mind which can conjure in an instant, the face of a loved one far away. What a blessing that each of us in this way can carry another person and another and other you are yet another into the room, defying death and distance each of us within ourselves can host a houseful can crowd this very table with the people that we miss. Let us be still for a moment. Think are absent ones into presence. Love them and feel Beloved. Amen.
Sarah Silverman 38:16
Yay. That was beautiful. God fucking gorgeous. Holy shit. Thank you for this. That will be so beautiful on Thanksgiving and you know, it will be I’ll be with all my sisters. That’ll be really nice to have that thank you for that. I do try to always remember the people who are gone in my life and I have this thing or at which I’ve been avoiding lately, to be honest, but like when I see the clock is 11:11, I stop and think about each person. And I try to remember like some a moment with them. You know, like I know with my stepdad John O’Hara, I always think of him I can smell the pipe in his sweater and his height as he gives me a side hug and he would always he would give me a side hug and easily say I don’t care what they say I like you. Little moments like that and just to keep them like alive and fresh. I don’t want to forget people’s voices I don’t want to forget their faces their their the sensory things I can remember. That’s beautiful. Thank you. Well, Dad, we’re winding down. This is the part of the podcast when I say send me your questions go to speak pipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast that speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast and also subscribe rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts will ya? Because when you subscribe it, you know keeps us on the air and shit. And there’s more of the Sarah Silverman podcast with Lemonada premium baby. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like extra questions about robots and the show monk. Subscribe now in Apple podcasts. They put it right in your face. You can’t miss it.
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