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Picture the moment at the end of dinner with a friend when the bill arrives and you lock eyes with one another, silently asking…how should we split this? It’s awkward, and it’s one of many conversations about money – small and big – we have to navigate with the ones we love. We’re diving into mutuals & money in this episode with a story from Kristen Meinzer (author and host of How to Be Fine, Daily Fail and many more) who lent money to a friend with the right intentions, but the wrong logic. We also hear from financial expert Gigi Gonzalez (aka The First Gen Mentor) who spills all her etiquette tea around talking money with friends.

Please note, The Dough contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

This series was created in partnership with Flourish Ventures, an early-stage global investment firm backing mission-driven entrepreneurs and industry influencers working toward a fair finance system for all. Learn more at flourishventures.com.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Gigi, X Mayo, Speaker 3, Kristen Meinzer

X Mayo  00:03

The Dough is a production of Lemonada Media created in partnership with Flourish Ventures.

 

Gigi  01:00

I had a friend let’s call him G, and he every month or two, hey, you know, can you spot me $200? I’ll pay you back then, and he always would. But yeah, it got to a point where it was an ongoing thing, for months, months, months always needed me to spot him to his next paycheck. And I said, hey G, I think there’s, you know, a money management problem here, because it’s an ongoing thing. So at that point, I’m like, I’m enabling him to not make better financial decisions. So I said, I’m not going to be able to continue helping you in that way. But I can offer support in other ways, how about I help you budget? Like, let’s see, you know, where your spending is going so that you can have a better grip of your money management? Or can I help you sell some stuff at home? And you know, I remember he was a little hurt, you know, those conversations can be a little uncomfortable, because his reasoning was why always pay you back was the issue. And I’m like, well the issue is that you’re an adult and you keep asking another adult for money. And I’m like, so it’s a pattern, I’m not it’s a whole teaching a man to fish thing, right? So I’m like, I’m trying to teach you how to fish because otherwise you’re just never gonna get better.

 

X Mayo  02:35

I don’t know about y’all, but this conversation doesn’t sound easy, frankly, it sounds awkward as fuck. But that’s not our guest, Gigi has fought nor her friend G. Because sharing money with friends is a tricky thing. The lending part is easy, it’s the conversations that are hard. When you care about people you want to help them without going full Godfather mode on the back end, you know, mobster where’s my money type of shit? Money talking feel muddy in our personal relationships, like some sort of vibe killing threat. There’s no roadmap for finances and friendship. So we’re going to attempt to create some semblance of one with this episode. Hey, boo, hey, it’s X Mayo and welcome back to The Dough. We’re caches queen and I hardly know that bitch, but we used to be thick as thieves until I grew up and it became so hard to talk about it, and all my homies agreed, money is a shady little bitch, wrapped up in all of our lives and yet no one taught us how to discuss her with the people we care about most. So when we try to communicate on this important topic like grown adults, we end up sounding and feeling like toddlers. I want to zoom out for a second though, and acknowledge that I’m grateful for the money talks I’ve had with my friends no matter how awkward, what have I been saying all season folks community is everything and sometimes you needed to spot you here and there. I owe a lot to how my friends and I have fun to each other success over the years. Child they paid for juggling classes hypnotism class and you know that hypnotism not didn’t quite bring that last person back. Maybe I should check on you, anyways, we’re out here to help each other and that includes sharing our resources. So even though it’s hard to talk though, with our nearest and dearest there’s a lot to be gained from figuring out how money factors into our support of one another. Mutual aid with the mutuals can be a beautiful thing. So how do we do it as an awkwardly as possible? Let’s hone in on one example that I’m sure you all have experience with, calculating the price of socializing with your friends. Let’s say you and your homies are all hanging out in a Friday night. Everyone wants to go out for dinner, a lovely thing in theory, that can be a real headache in practice, and a big part of that equation is you guessed it, money. Well, lucky for you, our guest, Gigi Gonzalez, who you heard at the top, knows a thing or two about navigating these tricky combos.

 

Gigi  05:09

I think it starts by first understanding before you even go out, where do you plan to go? Because everybody’s budget is different. Everybody’s income is different.

 

X Mayo  05:09

Gigi is a financial literacy expert. She’s also a first generation Latina, who specifically helps fellow young bipoc folks find their financial footing. The first gen mentor is what she calls herself and honey, she’s earned the title from experience.

 

Gigi  05:37

I very much for most of my 20s was a broke friend that could not afford these nicer restaurants and my friends could because they had better paying jobs, or they lived with a partner and they were able to split expenses. I didn’t have that in my 20s. So if somebody can afford a nice restaurant and somebody can’t, you want to be in alignment, and you want to understand what you’re walking into.

 

X Mayo  06:00

And how do we find out what we’re walking into? Just ask, I know, easier said than done. But Gigi says don’t be shy about hitting up the group chat.

 

Gigi  06:10

Hey, what’s the plan for this weekend? Where are we going to? And if people want to go to nicer restaurants, you have to feel comfortable with your friend group to say, hey, that’s outside of my budget, I can’t afford that, can we go somewhere more affordable. And if they’re good friends, they should understand and they should adjust.

 

X Mayo  06:28

This might be intimidating, especially if it’s a foreign concept in your crew. But think about it this way. by pausing the conversation perhaps you’re doing a favor for everyone else in the group too embarrassed to speak up. Break the silence with your broke ass represent fight the power of the filet mignon that be you get the picture, listen, get tell them get you some ketchup with some hot water, it just make you some tomato soup, do something.

 

Gigi  06:54

Keep in mind, you know, not everybody has the same support at home. So it’s very easy for us to see what people are posting online about, oh, I just closed on my new home, whatever, or I just took this nice vacation. But you don’t know that like their parents gave them money for the down payment. Or, you know, their parents helped them with this and that, or even something as simple as like their parents helped them. Their parents taught them how to use money effectively, you know, you already get an advantage by having that playbook. And my experience as a daughter of immigrants. That wasn’t the case. You know, I didn’t receive the playbook. I had to learn all this stuff the hard way after making a lot of stupid financial mistakes, because I just didn’t know better.

 

X Mayo  07:36

We can’t control the cards or cash we’re dealt. But we can’t control who’s in and out of our lives, right? Are your friends the kind of people who are going to make you feel bad for making them go somewhere affordable? Because shot I love Chili’s, let me get the two for 20 and enchilada soup. Because girl those might not be your people after all. And if you’re the one rolling in the most dough, how can you approach this sort of decision in a way that doesn’t isolate your friends may be the move is to sit back and let others propose a price first. Circumstances do play a role now, it can be hard to make a decision to get involving money when everyone’s wallet looks different. Maybe these issues pop up more with friends who have way more money than you or way less. You can still love them care for them hang out with them. But maybe spending money with them should be taken off the table. Jack plays Gigi says when interrogating your finances in friendships, it’s important to come back to yourself knowing your worth and your values is essential.

 

Gigi  08:40

Don’t make the mistake that I made which was just okay I’ll charge on a credit card because I want it to go out and that’s that’s the worst thing you can do and you’ll regret it because at this point you’re spending to please others not to achieve your own personal goals and to take care of your financial wellness you know you’re very much neglecting yourself to people please is really what you’re doing.

 

X Mayo  09:03

The people pleasers out, oh baby do not enter do not pass go do not collect $200, it is dangerous baby yet so learn to fall into especially as women because you know we don’t want no conflict, okay? It’s not our fault, we were socialized this way. And that’s a whole nother podcast up I’m gonna start when called back afternoon start that tomorrow. Anyway, stay vigilant out there ladies through to the end of your meal. As annoying as it is to optimize the chat because groffle you and I was a server used to get on my fucking nerves. You know, you got to do the drinkers versus the non drinkers. You know who got the appetizer and who got two steaks why you need two this is terrible. Gigi says figuring out who paid for what as early as possible is the way to go.

 

Gigi  09:48

I love having the ability to split the check from the beginning. Because if you tell the server from the beginning, it’s much easier to split things off.

 

X Mayo  09:58

And if you do find yourself arguing over the check anyway, here’s her bigger badder baller advice, which applies way beyond just dinner.

 

Gigi  10:08

I always encourage people to take back their power, so instead of saying, oh, I can’t afford that, or that’s out of my budget, I would just be like, that’s not a priority for me to be to be spending that kind of money at the sort of restaurant. How about we do a potluck at home instead? Like, I’ll host it, right? So that’s still because the reason you want to go out is to get together and socialize and connect with each other, you don’t have to go to an expensive restaurant to do that. So you can do that as somebody’s home. How about we order in and have like a girls night with some vino, and watch? I don’t Bravo TV, right. So there’s just more affordable ways to meet the same goal. And that’s just to socialize.

 

X Mayo  10:46

Learning how to ask yourself and your friends the hard questions is one of the best ways to keep money conversations easy. Gigi is a professional now, so she knows the right questions to ask and the right moves to make. But as you heard, she learned that through a lot of money mistakes, coming up another person who learned how to ask the right questions, but in the wrong way.

 

X Mayo  13:34

Your listeners are gonna get so tired of me it’s like oh, it’s her again.

 

X Mayo  14:10

Absolute Girl, please, my listeners are going to love you because we’re going to get into this shit. Folks, she’s back. Kristen Meinzer is a podcast host and author who writes and talks about pop culture for a living. And you might recognize her voice as our thrifty bride from episode one. You remember her right? The one who DIY and her own bomb as wedding in Brooklyn for five I’ve $1,000 hoof, thrifty legend. And for background, I had to ask her where she got it from.

 

Kristen Meinzer  15:07

I like to give most of the credit to my nana, that’s my mom’s mom. My Nana and my mom were the primary people who brought me up. My Nana was a depression era baby, she was an orphan who lived in the foster system, and my mom was a retail worker. And between the two of them, we never had a lot of money. But we always had enough, and part of that was the joys of being thrifty of going to those yard sales of finding things that were on sale of couponing of, you know, enjoying saving more than spending. And so I still have that joy. I love to when I buy something, say, oh, I got it for 70% off or whatever.

 

X Mayo  15:47

It’s my favorite thing or you buy clothes, it has pockets and I got. But Kristen is not back on the pod to brag about her saving skills, in fact, the opposite. She’s here to tell a story about a time where she was too generous with her money, and paid a frustrating price for it. For context, Kristen, later in the situation, partly because of a reputation she established in college.

 

Kristen Meinzer  16:15

I worked my way through college, I always had a full time job and minimum one part time job and then I took my classes at night because that’s the only way I could afford my tuition, my rent my food, you know, all the things that keep us alive. There was no other way forward.

 

X Mayo  16:32

Said, you know, toilet paper, pads, you know, just the basic needs I had to work for. Insane oh my God, America get it together, Jesus yes go ahead.

 

Kristen Meinzer  16:43

So I did that in college for about half of my college, that’s how I paid for things. But then the other half, I found some workarounds. I found out that my university and a lot of universities, if you work full time at the university, they give you free tuition as part of your benefits. And when I learned that I’m like, Screw this other working outside the university thing. I’m going to work for the University as a full time staffer.

 

X Mayo  17:11

Absolutely, now I’m with you. So I would have loved you in my friend group. I wish if I probably would have finished college. Had you, so in your friend group who were you to your friends in college, and shortly after, in regards to like money.

 

Kristen Meinzer  17:25

I was considered the responsible, hardworking one who already had a full time resume by the time I was 18, and frankly, I was the person people came to if they wanted money.

 

X Mayo  17:36

Kristine’s money know how combined with her work history culminated into a specific role she played for her friends. She was the one who quote unquote, had it together, so to speak. She was a resource, which was funny to question because she didn’t come from money. She did, however, come from thrifty folks who pass down their tips. Like Gigi pointed out earlier, we all get dealt different resources and different education on how to use those resources. This was Kristen’s hand, and she had to get really smart about using it over time.

 

Kristen Meinzer  18:09

And so my friends, in my opinion, had a lot more advantages financially than I did. But as for who actually has a checkbook, this is back in the days of checkbooks, that they can write checks and money will actually be in the account, you know, fulfill those checks. It was me, I was the one in my circle of friends who was considered more well off, even though that was absolutely not the case. And people did borrow money from me, and being who I was, at the time, I had a lot of pride in my self sufficiency, I was so proud of that I still am when I look back, I, I really am proud of my younger self. But I also believed that it’s the right thing to do, you have to help out your friends, and, you know, and and I really thought that helping out my friends was important for altruistic reasons. But in retrospect, I also think that I was just somebody who wanted to be liked, also and I think as young people and young women in particular, young women of color, we frequently are just told to deplete ourselves for other people. We are told that that is how we show love that is the right thing to do even ourselves. Yes, exactly and so I really think that that was part of the whole situation as well about why people came to me for money is because I didn’t say no, I let people take advantage of me.

 

X Mayo  19:29

Also, like you’re in college and you’re away from family and friends. You’re trying to build your community, your support system, and you’re just like, hey, they do have something that they need, and I do have it but it doesn’t go when you’re in people pleasing mode, you’re not thinking about the fact that they are an able bodied person and can go and fucking work on their own. You know.

 

Kristen Meinzer  19:50

You can do your own job or you can call your mom and dad for money, which I can’t do.

 

X Mayo  19:55

Right, they had additional resources. It was out here at the dam students store, giving people they bookmarks and shit I tried to just saying.

 

Kristen Meinzer  20:03

That I was also a medical guinea pig and I was donating my plasma every week to pay for my school. So I was doing that.

 

X Mayo  20:08

Oh shit.

 

Kristen Meinzer  20:10

Yes, I was.

 

X Mayo  20:11

Wow, Kristin, wow. Oh my god oh. It’s not like there was a certain point when Kristen landed herself in the danger zone of people pleasing. It’s just with each selfless act, she wandered a little closer to it. And that space again, especially for women can deplete our resources. It’s like hearing a siren in the distance get closer and closer. And so, after all of that hard work, blood, sweat and plasma, Kristin graduated, and her money smart reputation followed her halfway across the country. She and a fellow friend from the Midwest, packed up their stuff and headed to New York City where things would come to a head.

 

Kristen Meinzer  20:54

She and I hopped in a ryder truck, we drove cross country, we’re moving to Brooklyn, and she said, oh, you’re gonna love my friends in New York, I have these two friends, they are the best in the whole world, you’re gonna love them, and so those two people became my first friends in New York as well.

 

X Mayo  21:09

And these two new friends were a couple, a lesbian couple, and a bit of a pickle. You see, one of them was an American citizen, the other was not, and visas don’t last forever, honey. So they had to find a more permanent solution for staying together, in the US of A, the easy answer is to get married 90 day fiance style, but this was pre 2015. So gay marriage wasn’t a constitutional right yet. So on to Option B stay in the country by getting enrolled in school.

 

Kristen Meinzer  21:40

But to go back to college, they needed someone to cosign a student loan. We don’t know how to be approved for a student loan. Our parents won’t cosign. And our parents don’t approve. Our parents are also anti gay just like our government.

 

X Mayo  21:56

Because they’re queer. Yes, yes, yes okay.

 

Kristen Meinzer  21:59

Yes, nobody’s parents agreed to do this. And then I maybe trying to please people too much, maybe believing that I could be the hero in this anti gay universe. Maybe I could help them, and so when they asked me, will you cosign the loan, because nobody else will who is qualified? We need somebody who has a nice resume, who actually has a financial history, who actually has an outstanding credit score. You built up all those things in college, the rest of us couldn’t build up those things in college because we weren’t working full time like you. Will you do this? And I did it. I co signed, and this couple stayed together a few years after that.

 

X Mayo  22:41

And you can guess where this is going listener? Aha, they broke up.

 

Kristen Meinzer  24:39

Yeah, and then once they broke up, stopped paying back the loan.

 

X Mayo  24:43

Stop paying back the loan. Ah, did I hear that correctly? Yes, I did, babe we’ll get back to the drama in a minute.

 

X Mayo  27:06

And so Kristen’s friends broke up, and the loan she co signed with them wasn’t getting paid all of a sudden. Now you might be wondering how Kristen found out about this […]

 

Kristen Meinzer  27:45

The first thing I got was a letter in the mail from the loan company saying I was in arrears.

 

X Mayo  27:52

Arrears meaning bureaucratic speak for pay up motherfucker. Could you imagine the confusion that washed over Kristen? Here she was in her 20s having financially finagle her way through college and trying to get her life going as a young adult in NYC. And all of a sudden notices in the mail calls from collections all accusing her of not meeting her monthly payments. Because when you cosign a loan baby, you might as well be on the hook like someone’s mom. This wasn’t Kristen’s money, it never was and yet, her financial health was impacted. As she watched her once perfect credit score fall in real time, she started to panic.

 

Kristen Meinzer  28:41

Immediately I reached out to them and said, I know you two just broke up. But that is no excuse to not pay for these things. And then I got more.

 

X Mayo  28:49

The worst week ever. They were like they broke up and here it goes Kristine like bam, bam, bam. Hey, so I don’t give a fuck that y’all don’t want to fuck no more but.

 

Kristen Meinzer  29:01

And I will tell you this too. This is how much of a sucker I am. I was such a helpful friend, I helped each of them move out of their apartment and I found them new apartments to move into at the time. I was that front house guy no matter what, and then in the midst of moving them into one of their apartments that I found for them. That’s when I find out that they’re not paying back the loan. I’m like, are you kidding me? I am holding your hand through this whole breakup. And you’re still not paying back this loan, excuse me? I’ve done more for you in this breakup than any of your other friends this is ridiculous, I felt like I had been duped. I felt like I was my idealism was punished. Also, I just felt like who was I to think I could be a hero in this story. Because I’m not a hero, I’m just a person. And they’re just people to all of us we’re just idiots here but I was the biggest idiot of all because I was left holding the bag.

 

X Mayo  29:58

So how did you start to turn this thing around because I know you were getting calls from the collection people. How did that make you feel? Did you did you tell the collection people say, hey, I was just trying to do a good damn job for these lesbians. And they want to fucking not pay me, and it’s caught him.

 

Kristen Meinzer  30:17

And I have to say I was really shocked because it just didn’t occur to me that CO signing this, I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that I, I was co signing so that the loan, the lenders would have somebody to call if this couple wasn’t paying back the loan it’s like, oh, that’s why I’m here so that they can call me oh, this sucks, this sucks. So I made phone calls to this now ex couple. I emailed them, I talked to them in person.

 

X Mayo  30:46

She kept at it and eventually got in touch with one of them, not the one she co signed with, but the ex.

 

Kristen Meinzer  30:52

And I said, you’ve got to take care of this I did this for you. You know why I did it for you, and I think I was told at one point something along the lines of we didn’t hold a gun to your head, you did this of your free will. And I’m like that is not the point, that is not the point, you have got to get a handle on this loan. Both of you together collectively or separately, have got to take care of this. And so she got together with her ex and just walked her through how to set up an auto payment every month for the minimum amount every month.

 

X Mayo  31:25

Once she got the ball rolling, Kristin says she started distancing herself from the ex couple. She tried to stay friends with the one she gotten in touch with, but things just fizzled out over time. That’s what happens when a no trust. And that’s okay, because Kristen had her hands full of trying to improve her credit one card at a time. She had a long road ahead of undoing this damage, and she had to focus on herself.

 

Gigi  31:50

You know, I just took out some additional credit cards and I would pay them all off immediately, I would put things like groceries and things on my credit cards, which I never did in the past. I got a credit card just for flying, so I got frequent flyer miles at the same time that I was getting a credit rating. So I just I took out these credit cards and just started using them all the time. And I think that was probably the number one thing that helped me get my credit rating backup was, as soon as I would use the credit card, I would go home and then go on the computer and pay off what I just did on my computer.

 

X Mayo  32:20

Meanwhile, Kristen kept her life moving. Time passes her career shot off, she went on to host over a dozen podcasts and radio shows. She’s written three books, she got married and after all that life happened slowly but surely and I mean slowly chad, it was 20 years after little Kristin just tried to do something nice. She was finally free.

 

Kristen Meinzer  32:42

And it was a glorious day. When I finally got that letter in the mail saying it was paid in full, because it was a 20 year loan. It got paid off a few years ago, that was 20 years, even though the friendship was less than 20 years.

 

X Mayo  32:55

So literally, you had some tragedy and triumph in 2020. So COVID hit but baby that loan was paid off. And I could give a shit.

 

Kristen Meinzer  33:04

Yes, I’m like life is good, I’m very fortunate.

 

X Mayo  33:07

Everybody seeing like Kristin like wow, this woman I met today is so happy amidst global pandemic and she’s like, my loan is paid off, bitch. I’m doing cartwheels in Central Park, I could give a fuck I have my mask on life is good.

 

Kristen Meinzer  33:20

It was so good. I was yeah, I was having a hot COVID debt free 2020 it was great. When I saw how much they paid off in the end versus how much the loan was initially, they paid back like five times more than they borrowed it was bananas.

 

X Mayo  33:41

Interest, I want to pause here and remind your listeners about that tricky little bitch. She is literally and figuratively so extra, I can’t even basically if you’re paying off a loan over time, right, you’re paying interest, which is a percentage of what you borrowed. As time passes, it racks up and becomes a part of your loan balance, making what you borrowed into this ever ballooning thing. I don’t even want to begin to think about what this number turned into after 20 years. But I’m sure it became as unrecognizable as his ex friends became to each other. But you don’t know what you don’t know, right? We’re not wired to think that long term, and so I had to ask Kristen how she felt reflecting back on all of this. Looking back, why did she do it?

 

Kristen Meinzer  34:29

I was young and again, I was idealistic. I thought I was being a hero, I was not being a hero by the way. And I just thought that because I wasn’t technically loaning the money, I was just co signing this piece of paper. I just wasn’t even thinking of it the way I should have logically. I should have known better. Yeah, and I also didn’t yeah, I also didn’t when I first met these friends. I was going partly on the word that I completely believe of my friend to introduce me to them. This friend and I are still friends to this day, the friend who introduced me to them is so responsible herself with money she is so like completely like, on the straight and narrow when it comes to money. And I didn’t realize that this couple were not the same way, this couple whenever they were upset or stressed, they would go shopping. This couple didn’t look at their own bank accounts, this couple, they dealt with stress, usually by spending, and they enjoyed spending way more than they enjoyed saving, which is the opposite of me so. I think if I would have known that upfront, that would have been a factor also in all of us.

 

X Mayo  35:35

No 100% I mean, now, I mean hindsight is 2020 you feel.

 

Kristen Meinzer  35:38

Yeah, I’m not gonna say I haven’t made any money mistakes since then I certainly have. I’ve sometimes stretched a little too far thinking I could afford certain things that I couldn’t. But I will never cosign another loan again, for anybody. I’m just not going to do that, I already know that about myself.

 

X Mayo  35:55

My mom always says, you don’t loan money you give it. So if I know that I’m giving you this, I’m not expecting it back. If you want to give it back, that’s your business but I’m not loaning you anything. So I don’t loan what I can’t afford to give. I’m not taking out of my rent to give to Kristin you feel me.

 

Kristen Meinzer  36:13

And that goes for cosigning too because when I was cosigning, I wasn’t even thinking that was my money, but that was still my money. The older I’ve gotten, the more that I have actually not just known but felt that I don’t have to make other people you know, happy by depleting myself for them and I knew that all along, I but did I feel it? Those are two different things like my Nana told me even as a little kid, I asked her like, oh my God, what do they think of me? Look at me and my whatever it was my shabby out of fashion clothes are what are they going to think of me? And she would say, honey, most people aren’t thinking about you, I’m sorry I don’t mean that in a harsh way but most people aren’t thinking about you. Don’t live your life worrying that people are thinking about you. Well, it only took me about 25 years after my Nona started saying that to me, for me to fully feel that. I knew it, the knowledge was there. But I think sometimes knowing the fact isn’t the same as feeling it psychologically. And so the older I got, it just happened with age where suddenly I started to have zero fucks left to give. I’m like, I don’t care about me. Yeah, and and I think a lot of us that happens with age and I do sometimes feel bad for my younger self and I say to my younger self I’m sorry I just wasn’t there yet to put you first I’m sorry but.

 

X Mayo  37:37

You are now little Kristen is lit. She’s like what? Oh, I no I think I think you did all the right things and one of my friends told me that fail means faithful attempt in learning and you were you know.

 

Kristen Meinzer  37:51

Oh, I like that, I like that.

 

X Mayo  37:54

It’s all about perspective, I’m telling you and Kristen, so last thing I want to I want to ask you so you no cosign on loan, don’t ask Kristen don’t do it with it’s not happening, triggered scarred for life. But what is your take on sharing money with friends? Are you so traumatized, Kristen, that if your friends like hey Kristen, can you give me a Starbucks? You’re like, sign a contract girl? When are you going to pay me this back? Are you, are you at that level of triggered that you can’t share any money with friends? You’re like, not a cent not $1 or is there like a boundary? You’re like, hey, no more than $500 will I be willing to give to someone like where are you at now with sharing money with friends?

 

Gigi  38:32

Well, I don’t loan money to friends at this point. But I do sometimes just want to gift something to a friend. So for example, I have a friend who is going to get married later this year. And I’m just so happy for her. She’s just one of the most beautiful friends I’ve ever had a beautiful person. And I said, can I just fly you out to New York and throw you a small little bachelorette party with your New York friends, I have SkyMiles that I’ve been saving up for a rainy day and I will use my SkyMiles to fly you out. And if you want I’ll rent us a hotel room for the night because I saved up my hotel points too, that’s a gift, that’s something I want to do for somebody because I love them. You know, also always happy to take a friend out for a drink, I’m not going to stop being generous, I’m not going to stop giving to my monthly charities every month, like really important to you know how I live in this world to make sure that I’m always giving to charities or donating my time and that’s always been the case, my Nona even when she was elderly in her late 80s was still volunteering and she really instilled that in me that it’s important to give back. We all have something we can give, even if it’s not money in the bank, we can give something back. And what’s the point of being here if we’re not trying our best to leave it a better place than we found it. So I still strongly believe in that, so I’m not going to stop giving money in certain ways. I’m not going to start donating, I’m not going to stop being showing up right not going to be a sucker either.

 

X Mayo  39:55

No, yeah, you can show up and show support in so many ways, and like Kristen I mean, wow you are just frugal friend, I love that she said, I’m using my SkyMiles and my points, girl, I love you, but we still have to be smart with our money fiscally responsible, we are in a recession. So I love that we’re ending on the note that despite what you experience with your past, and with those people, you’re not going to let that harden your heart. Give but don’t be a sucker, wise words Kristen, or I’m sorry, were they not as anyway? Paying our way through people pleasing is never the answer, folks. Gigi told us this and Kristen, well, she showed it. Thanks for living through that friend breakup to tell the tale girl and if I ever see the ministry, I promise it’s gonna be a misunderstanding. Quality relationships aren’t transactional. Love isn’t giving and receiving. It’s giving and growing. So, balancing that abundance mindset within a world run by dough can be tough. But talking about these things, wading through the discomfort and meeting each other where we’re at is a starting point that can only make us all richer. I’m not talking cash money, people. Although if any of you have hacked your way into wealth through friendship, give me a call because my girls and I are trying to buy on private island for just you know, hanging out, possibly growing marijuana. Thank you. Okay, and speaking to my friends, as someone who’s lent money to them and borrow just the same here’s what I’ve learned over the years. Listen to that same advice we heard earlier. Don’t lend which you can’t give. I give with no expectations. The blessing for me in the getting is the giving. And if you can’t comprehend that, then maybe just eat at home. Next time on The Dough will follow someone trying to keep their grandmother’s house in the family by buying it themselves.

 

Speaker 3  41:49

So I knew that I was basically kind of in the worst position to try to buy this house. I did reach out to other family members to see if there was anyone else interested. And it really was like either I try to save it or that’s it.

 

CREDITS  42:06

The Dough is a Lemonada Original. I’m your host X Mayo. This series was created in partnership with Flourish Ventures. This episode was produced by Kristen Lepore and Becca De Gregorio. Tony Williams is our associate producer. Mix and sound designed by Ivan Kuraev. With additional mixing and engineering from Andí Kristinsdóttir. Original Music by Pat Mesiti-Miller. Kelsey Henderson is our production intern. Additional production help from Jerusalem Truth, Claire Jones, and Hoja Lopez. Jackie Danziger is our Vice President of narrative content. Executive Producers include me X Mayo, Stephanie Littels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating five stars, and writing a review. You can follow me on IG at @$80inasuitcase and Lemonada at @LemonadaMedia across all social platforms, not including MySpace. Follow the dough wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership. Thanks so much for listening. See you next week. Bye.