social media

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i have a love/hate relationship with social media. okay so maybe it’s just a hate/hate.



Jennette McCurdy

Jennette McCurdy  00:00

Okay, kids, I’m sitting by the fireplace, sipping from my Mrs. Claus mug, which I will have out all year round. And I’m here to talk about social media.


Jennette McCurdy  00:35

This is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while, and I’ve avoided talking about it because I feel like even through words, social media conjures such a, butt clench in any one hearing them. It’s just like, oh, but here we go. So I liked doing social media, I liked using it when I was like 18, 19, 20, which is when you should like doing social media, right? That makes sense that tracks as 18,19, 20 years old, and I’m getting a kick out of doing stuff on my phone. But honestly, I’m not even sure that I truly enjoy, like, enjoyed might be the wrong word. I actually think there was something that was just very impulsive about it, about my use of it. I mean, I think it was an adrenaline rush, because of the instant, kind of, you know, I’ll say, quote, unquote, impact. Meaning just because something has an impact, it doesn’t mean that it’s the kind of impact that you want or serving the kind of impact you want. Here’s an example, like, maybe I posted a vine or a tweet or something. And I like felt this the surge and rush the bodily as soon as I post it, but whatever impact even if even if Vaughn got millions of views, that’s not helping necessarily my long term goals, I don’t see any of my social media content from years past from a decade ago, whatever, as working toward anything long term or building anything, long term, I think it was really, really, really kind of just exactly what I said it was just Instagram suffocation, it was short term. So after you know, after the rush, kind of, I guess the rush never wears off. But I feel like it’s easy to just recognize the rush as what it is, which is just like deep, stress. Once I started realizing the stress of social media, I really didn’t, you know, I wasn’t a fan, I didn’t want to do it, I want to just kind of not have any part in it. I deleted social media from my from my phone so I still had my my accounts, my logins and everything. I didn’t delete my any accounts, but I deleted the just like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, all the apps from my phone so that I couldn’t check them. This is for a couple years. And I think that was one of one of the better decisions of my life. It really helped me to just be present, I don’t even think I realized how not present social media helped me to be. But it just just locked me into the moment and to my life then which was, frankly, an uncomfortable moment to be locked into and one that I would have rather been escaping from but I think I think social media had been another outlet for me to escape, things that I needed to confront. Okay, so I deleted excuse me when I plug in my Christmas lights because I want I want the ambience you can’t blame a girl. Okay? So I deleted social media, great decision I’m battling my demons do dance with my demons. And then I reinstalled social media once I felt like I had got the eating disorder under control and the alcohol issues and all that all that jazz, reinstalled the apps, and then I got back on them for the sake of like promoting my book. And I remember people being like, you only post when you’re promoting something, and my thought is like, well, yeah, that’s what I’m I’m promoting the thing that I feel like is what I have to offer. But I didn’t really realize that like, I guess, I don’t know, there’s something to be said for just posting stuff that’s not the thing that you’re promoting like, I didn’t like how I was using it was younger, so then I swung the opposite direction, use it only to promote projects, and then realize, oh, maybe there’s something of a middle ground that I can and should try out just to see how that feels, how that works but I want kind of low lift content because another thing is, I’m a 31 year old woman with a very, very full time job and a couple of very full time, I should say, I’ve just begun projects, I’ve got two full time projects, and many part time projects. I don’t have time to be doing like, brainstorming Tiktoks and like the planning the Tiktok recording and editing like, nobody’s got time for that if they’ve got a full time job and less social media is your full time job. You don’t where are you do find the time, right? It’s not possible so that’s when I brought on an employee to run my social media. This girl was great. She was so organized. She was so professional. She was so had such a good attitude. And yet she wasn’t me. And what I mean by that is not oh, I’m the greatest thing that ever lived. I mean, you could feel I could feel that she wasn’t me in her pitches, like there’s just for better or worse, and I’m open to it being often for worse, I have a way that I write I have a way that I talk I have a way that I think that is just me. And I think you can feel when it’s not me and I cannot tolerate anything that I that I touch anything that has my name on it not feeling like not being from me. And I think it’s because well I think it’s a few things I think it’s because of being a so controlled for so much of my life by my mom and managers and agents and you know, directors and networks and people who you know, down to I couldn’t if I wanted to get highlights in my hair, I couldn’t without getting approval from four fucking people, like, just basic bodily decisions, were not my own and so by having so much of my life out of my control it now I now just want so much of it in my control. And also I think I really well I know I fought for my identity, to the point that I want to embrace it. Warts and all bad and good, I want to be me fully and completely. I don’t want anybody else’s voice I want every word that I utter to be mine, I want every thing that I wear to be something I decided on. Like it’s just so important to me after being so puppeteer and so controlled for so long. So, there’s this girl who I hire right, and she’s doing a great job a nd she’s doing sending so many thoughtful pitches, but none of the pitches feel like me. One of the pitches was like to go to Starbucks and do my like order or my drink order at Starbucks and leave with it, and I’m like where’s the humor in that? Where’s the premise in that? What’s the thought process behind that? What is that saying? What is the commentary in surprise? I don’t know if you guys picked up on this but I didn’t, there is none okay, there’s no there’s it’s just a thing that people do, I guess it’s just big on Tiktok to go around ordering Starbucks. Oh my god, what is wrong? Why is it big on Tiktok to go around ordering Starbucks. I humbly and kindly urge you if you are a person who has watched Tiktoks of people ordering Starbucks, get on with your life and do something better. And this is coming from somebody who just spent December watching six seasons of Survivor so I guess I’m not wanting to talk, but I do feel like survivors is a huge step up from Starbucks orders. Anyway, moving on, my point was just that she was pitching very like amazing trendy, you know, timely, Zeitgeist II kind of things but it just didn’t feel like me. And she ran a lot of ideas by me but there were also some things that she did not run by like she wouldn’t run story posts by me and sometimes grid posts and things by me and with my direction I had said I don’t want to deal with this you know, you take the reins you go for it. But then every time she would post something, I would just I would freak out and delete it and I’m like, oh my god, what is this? This is not my voice, oh my God, what are people going to think? Oh, this is cringy like, I just didn’t like any of it. No dig to this person. It is just to say that I am an artiste, okay, and I need everything that I put out in the world even if it’s a fucking Instagram post to have my artistic stamp.


Jennette McCurdy  08:43

I would not be on social media if it wasn’t to promote procuts. It’s not something it’s not like a hobby for me. It’s not something that I get anything out of. I don’t enjoy it. I find it fundamentally stressful and deeply irritating at best. And so why am I on it? Do I really need it to promote projects is social media that important? As I’m saying this out loud I’m realizing this might be a better conversation with my managers than a podcast episode but I do know that it’s a thing that a lot of people think about and struggle with like should I delete it should not delete it. I actually got dinner with a friend yesterday who said that she deleted it from her phone my significant other has never had any of it I think he had Facebook once for like he had a long time ago but just has not been on his account in years and years. But he doesn’t have any other shit, and it’s amazing to see. And so that got me thinking like should I just delete mine? I don’t want I don’t like this, I don’t want this. The only thing that I that I guess I enjoy from it is I was reading comments, I don’t really I’m not really reading them at all anymore. But I was reading them like as the book was coming out and seeing people’s really sweet comments. Really did mean something to me and was a positive, you know, it was positive emotionally for me. But beyond that, it’s like, I don’t know, I only use it to promote. So I’m at this crossroads sure I just keep it so that I can promote you know, if I do a live show, it’s nice to be able to sell tickets through link through to to buy the tickets. I just like posted a story about the eating disorder recovery episode, because I personally feel that that’s an important episode that could have really helped me when I was struggling with eating disorders. I hope it helps other people so I post about that. But it’s if it’s not something I enjoy, why am I doing it? And I took the month of December off, and I didn’t check social media really at all, I think I posted one or two things like maybe a story and a grid post that’s it. I literally I didn’t even check my phone, forget about Instagram, I didn’t check my phone. I had my phone on the fireplace mantel, at the side of the fireplace mental tucked behind counters like I would put it somewhere where I would forget, I would genuinely forget where I put my phone because I wouldn’t check it for three days. I’m not getting like literally would not look at my phone for three days and it was a spiritual experience. I’m considering not having an iPhone, I’m considering just going to a flip phone. I don’t know if there are options here and I haven’t settled on anything yet. I’m just kind of thinking out loud here and an attempt to try to find some kind of to settle on an answer here. I think for now it might be maybe keeping I don’t know. I was busy keeping the iPhone but my heart just like thing when I said that so maybe that answer is to get the flip phone instead but definitely, I’ll do limited social media time and if you don’t see me on there the near future it’s because I deleted my accounts. I’m out I will, I’ll see you on Instagram, or maybe not.


CREDITS  11:56

If you want more Hard Feelings, you’re in luck. You’ve got options. On Apple podcasts. There’s bonus content for subscribers with Lemonada Premium, you can hear me answer exclusive questions from listeners. on Spotify. You can talk to each other by leaving comments on each episode and on Amazon music. You can listen ad free with a subscription to Amazon Prime. . I’m Jennette McCurdy, the creator, executive producer and host of HardFeelings. It’s produced by Lemonada Media in coordination with Happy Rage productions. Our production team is Kegan Zema, Aria Bracci and Brian Castillo. Music is by Hannah’s Brown. Steve Nelson is Lemonada’s Vice President of weekly content. Rachel Neil is Lemonada Senior Director of new content. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer and me. Listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.

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