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The aunties are still riding the high off Ku’s baby shower. Shenanigans included a dance-off, Poise pad vision board, and an awards ceremony. It was moving and only sometimes cutthroat. Plus, our 100th episode is coming up and we’d love to celebrate by giving you some of our favorite products. Leave us a voicemail at 833-453-6662 with your 100% approved add to cart items to enter the giveaway.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak

SuChin Pak  00:10

Hello carter’s, welcome to another brand new episode where we talk about all the things we have bought all the ideas we have bought into what it says about who we are. I am just one of your hosts SuChin Pak. And if some of you have listened to our episode a few weeks back, my sister Auntie KU is out on maternity leave, baby. So that was big news. You guys have to listen to that episode if you haven’t. But don’t worry, she is still with us today on Add To Cart as we’re about to get into a conversation we had about her baby shower, something we recorded earlier. But don’t take just our word for it. Listen to one of her baby shower co-hosts June Diane Raphael and baby shower attendee Jess St. Clair on the deep dive podcast talking about their point of view about what happened at this party how they saw this baby shower. Exactly. I mean, they just said it. It’s an it’s a Wiccan gathering life celebration. That’s it. You can’t put that on an invitation. But that’s what it was. You know, this is Ku. You know, we’re not talking baby duckling paper napkins, and we’re not talking about, you know, guess the boobie or whatever other baby shower game that I have been subjected to. This was an outpouring of catharsis, a gathering of witches, and wizards and warlocks. And it was just such a beautiful moment. And so Ku and I immediately got on the phone on the Monday after the baby shower just to like process at all, like what happened. Where did we go? What did we see? And from all different points of view. So here’s our conversation. You’re gonna love it. It’s chaotic. But that’s what’s beautiful about it, enjoy.

Kulap Vilaysack  02:28

First of all, who do I see almost immediately when I arrived to Casey Wilson’s home where the baby shower is, it’s SuChin Pak

SuChin Pak  02:37

We arrived together as if we, I was actually a little embarrassed. Did you notice I was like, no, you walk in first. I mean, it’s not about me.

Kulap Vilaysack  02:50

But it is interesting that..

Kulap Vilaysack  02:52

I arrived at that exact same time.

Kulap Vilaysack  02:55

Yeah. And then I enter and I was surprised by you know, a big cheering section and I made my way to say hello to everybody. And then I see some photos later that friends have sent and it appears that sushi Park had the same arrival. It’s just I have 10 photos of sushi and arriving at the door being embraced by Matt McConkey Grassi.

SuChin Pak  03:23

By the way with the whole room is full of add to cart guests. I didn’t quite either there saying like I didn’t, I wasn’t prepared for that. But I should have been. But I came in the wake of your celebration wave. I was riding that wave. So everybody was like, and then I let it like, drop a beat. And I was like, please, please, please now and I walked in there like, oh, I was like, Okay, got it. Got it. Same wave. Received with love.

Kulap Vilaysack  03:49

All my friends love to cheer. They love to chant. Yeah, they’re at a high frequency. And it is a wave. You’re right. You just, just don’t fight it. Just no, no.

SuChin Pak  04:01

I was both mortified and exhilarated.

Kulap Vilaysack  04:09

Was that your state of being the entire show? I just wonder.

SuChin Pak  04:14

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I texted you. We texted a little bit afterwards. First of all, I had my pants on backwards the entire time. But when I went to take my vitamins that afternoon, I was like, oh, well, they’re near my butt not my […] I’m This is the dog barking. All dogs bark. We are now, I am now a dog mom. And this is what’s happened. It was both mortification and like complete, like, heaven opening elation, like, extreme emotions, right. Didn’t let that whole day you had said at one point. I had to actually leave my body It was too much to process I’m like, oh, I’m I like I said I was in bed all day yesterday because it was just so overwhelmingly emotional in the best way.

Kulap Vilaysack  05:14

Yes and in the best way. I so my baby shower was hosted by my two little sisters in […] and Alyssa and then my BFFs Casey in June and Laura and Maddie and the theme was she’s a gem and there was a dress code of course there was a dress code, it was jewel tones and Su, everyone looked great those whose did the dress code.

SuChin Pak  05:48

Wait, was I not in dress code? Yeah, I definitely was in dress code. But were there people that weren’t?

Kulap Vilaysack  05:55

There were and I’m not gonna name names.

SuChin Pak  06:01

This group of friends. I mean, you got to read the fine print.

Kulap Vilaysack  06:08

I mean it’s tough. It’s tough to lead with a couple faux pas but like almost like can I just like get it out there you know let me just get him out there we’ll get into it but just like couple things you know my sweet like little brother whom I love to death, to death you know, but you know he arrived early and it’s just like what not to do you know don’t arrive to an event early like there’s a start time and even though I love his partner and fiancé he brought a plus one.

SuChin Pak  06:48

My cousin brought a plus one. I was like, I’m sorry. Like a friend. Yeah, like a friend. Like not even a significant other. I’m like, and you are?

Kulap Vilaysack  06:58

Yes. And his partner is so lovely. He brought such good energy to the shower, but it has a.. I’m starting with a little bit of detraction, which we’re diving into the entire event was so beautiful. I have never received as I did, like, every, like all of my birthday parties and stuff. Like it’s like I genuinely plan them like I am an event. I do a lot of event planning with our group in committee, of course, but like so this was the first time where I received an invite, just as you did and to walk into to see those beautiful faces in Casey’s beautiful home to see this like abundant spread. I mean, I haven’t Have you ever seen something like that?

SuChin Pak  08:00

I left with a little bit of anxiety? Because I was like, what are they going to do? Like, are they, what are they going to do with all that food? That gorgeous food? You know, I should have brought a Tupperware.

Kulap Vilaysack  08:12

I definitely took plates. Bunch of cake.

SuChin Pak  08:17

I assumed, I assumed that you would take plates but I was like, I hope they’re not Yeah, that’s a lot of food. But gorgeous.

Kulap Vilaysack  08:24

And that was laid out so gorgeously and then the like out in Casey’s backyard. It’s just the most gorgeous like tablescapes done by Tiffany […] who we talked about before. Lauren Lapkus brought her up as an Add to Cart. She is the maximalists behind the Sweetser life which is a floral boutique. And she’s just.

SuChin Pak  08:53

The whole thing looked like a painting. I mean I’ve never seen anything where the food and the flowers and then the tablecloth and the walls and the paintings and like the rugs everything looked like it was a painting of the same you know what I mean? Masterpiece. It was a very crazy visually stunning shower.

Kulap Vilaysack  09:21

The bar had two signature drinks the absolute Emmy and the MarKurita

SuChin Pak  09:33

No detail, no detail was overlooked by this committee of fine party throwers. Expert party throwers.

Kulap Vilaysack  09:41

There also was which I just realized I don’t have it in my possession I need to get there was a vision board station and where you could cut magazines that you could cut and paste just messages for me and for baby Emerald. But Su, what do you want to go into?

SuChin Pak  09:59

And this isn’t about me, you know, but here we are. Nonetheless, I just, when I walked into the, as you said, the audience that awaited the entrance, the first thing I heard was poise pad. Then I walked over to the vision board. And you don’t have your vision board yet, but you will see on the vision board that someone not me, had put together glued together, a poise pad ad on your vision board.

Kulap Vilaysack  10:45

That’s a shout out to SuChin Pak right there. That is a shout out.

SuChin Pak  10:49

And I said well, I guess I don’t need to leave my mark here.

Kulap Vilaysack  10:53

It is indelible. And it precedes you.

SuChin Pak  10:59

And some would say you need a bissel steam remover to get rid of my mark. Otherwise, permanent. That was a wonder and the delight. But also, mortification just sent me to my bed on Sunday.

Kulap Vilaysack  11:26

I mean, I’ve seen people, but to see all of these people all at once these beautiful women and gay men that are so important to me.

SuChin Pak  11:38

And listeners, let me just say, Casey gave her speech. And she said she has never thrown an event where every single RSVP was yes. I thought that was telling. I was like, whoa, every single person invited said yes. And showed up. When does that happen? I mean, it’s all even just that I was like, you know, I was a wreck.

Kulap Vilaysack  12:18

At one point, we were eating and then Casey was like, It’s time for the, it’s time for the presentation. Make your way to the living room. Oh, no. us like, such like our friend group. And like, you know, like, okay, here.

SuChin Pak  12:33

I was like, scripts are being passed around. Oh, boy, I’m gonna have to improv. Like a pumpkin or something. I don’t even know. There was a reason why my chair was by the front door. I was like, if this gets too much, I have to step out for a fake cigarette. I just can’t. I can’t embarrass myself and Ku. Already they’re screaming poise pads when they look at me I think I’ve done my job. I think I filled my role here. I don’t need another poise pad. I don’t know who just yelled, poise pad.

Kulap Vilaysack  13:14

That’s so funny. And what the presentation was just beautiful speeches by June and by Casey. My sisters. Alyssa spoke. And Anita and my niece Dana we’re standing there with her. It was so lovely. There’s just like so many. We were crying. We were laughing. You know, it was just like everything all at once. Yeah. And, you know, I’m still laughing when Mr. Matt Grassi formally McConkey comes up with a bag and lets us know that it will be the first annual Emmy Awards because my daughter is Emerald short Emmys for short. And Daniel Schneider says finally someone in this room will win an Emmy. It was so funny and if I haven’t talked about this before there is a thing I don’t know when it started in my friend group where we give each other awards and you know it is.

SuChin Pak  14:33

I couldn’t believe it, the gall. The fucking gall, to have an award ceremony at a baby shower. You guys roll so hard and so sharp. I sit at the front door like I can’t, I have to sit at an exit.

Kulap Vilaysack  14:52

I was like I cannot wait to talk, because oh my god shocked. It is so normal for me, but I have this like, realization of like, how ridiculous it is, that’s why we do it. But like, just to hear your perspective on that section.

SuChin Pak  15:13

I couldn’t, I was like, what is happening?

Kulap Vilaysack  15:18

The hosts actually made, like awards with a little golden baby on top. And they were engraved with the title, and the categories. Okay. And then I was told what they were and I had to pick somebody immediately.

SuChin Pak  15:38

You guys, are you listening to this? She, the receiver of a baby shower, had to then pick the award recipient in the moment, from the dearest friends who are the most competitive. This is the most competitive group of adults you’ve ever, ever encountered. I was like, I was like, what is going to happen? The fire department has to be called at some point like there’s it’s just gonna be a brawl. It is so fun. It just got at first it was kind of like everyone’s laughing and joking. And then it just everyone’s so into it. Screaming, shouting. There was a dance off. There was twerking. I mean, wow,

Kulap Vilaysack  16:32

There was one award that I believe is something like the sage, like the best the one that my daughter will go to you to get to get like to get advice from what I feel from the piano ate ice steely blue gaze that cuts through my body, bisects my body. And I have to turn where’s the source? And it’s June Diane Raphael. I turn and look at her and she is just like a panther, waiting to leap and strike upon her pray no one, no one has a chance.

SuChin Pak  17:19

You didn’t have a chance you didn’t have a choice there.

Kulap Vilaysack  17:23

Which precedes something that looking back makes me laugh so hard. Is that, like Matt didn’t receive award. But June, Casey and Laura did. So essentially the people who have who have conceived and purchased the awards and who it means the most to.

SuChin Pak  17:52

Rightfully so.

Kulap Vilaysack  17:54

In the end. They kept saying you can give yourself an award. The last award was best bubbles. And then everybody started chanting, give it to yourself.

SuChin Pak  18:06

There was like, the whole room, self, self, self, self.

Kulap Vilaysack  18:12

So, that I said that I would accept it. But I would share the award with my mom who did create these breaths.

SuChin Pak  18:18

Oh, by the way, she sat up. She was leaned back the whole time. Slightly amused, slightly amused at the buffoonery. But when she got to co-accept an award, she sat up.

Kulap Vilaysack  18:34

Which another moment that with my mom was so funny isn’t when June was giving her speech. She wanted to do toasts, so then she tried to get a drink. And then she went for my mom’s drink. And then my mom picked her drink up so fast.

SuChin Pak  18:50

And was like, no, no lady.

Kulap Vilaysack  18:52

And she was like, I’m sorry.

SuChin Pak  18:55

That was a tense moment, a real tense moment.

Kulap Vilaysack  19:08

Then my dear forever friend and hard astrologists, who I’ve talked to so many times on this show, Heidi Rose Robbins.

SuChin Pak  19:19

Who my husband has talked to?

Kulap Vilaysack  19:24

She’s our closer and gave us a blessing and reads this poem. That’s what Su was kind of mentioning. This is where the poem was so poignant. And so it hit me I was just like rolling with her words. And it became so intense for me that I did kind of like have to leave my body for a little bit because it was just so like, spot on. The poem was how the stars get in your bones and it’s Written by Jan Richardson, I had never heard the poem before. And it was as if it was..

SuChin Pak  20:09

Yeah, I mean, that’s no, that’s the gift of Heidi, is she’s going to channel the thing that is going to get to the heart of the matter.

Kulap Vilaysack  20:21

I’ve known Heidi since I was 30. And there’s no one like her. There’s no one who can hold a space and navigate, negotiate and organize big feelings. Big feelings. A lesser woman, a lesser person cannot hold the chaotic, high and low. Like she can. I’ve seen her do it just time and time again, like she’s a presence. And it was we were I think the last thing that Heidi did was she asked people just to breathe, close their eyes and just say words.

SuChin Pak  21:05

I was sobbing so hard that like, I just I quit. I was I wanted to say freedom and every time I’d say and then someone else would chime in. And I was like, okay, alright, this […]. And I just couldn’t get the word out. And I was like, pick a shorter word bitch. You are a mess. Just say joy. And then someone said joy and I was like love. And so it kept coming back to freedom. And I couldn’t get out the two syllables. I was crying so hard.

Kulap Vilaysack  21:43

Couldn’t do it. But Su when I heard my mom say happy.

SuChin Pak  21:51

Oh, God. Oh, God. That’s what I’m saying stuff like that. Just like just when I thought I could collect myself and your mother’s voice like, happy. And I was like, oh, done. I can’t say my word. You have to go back to solve it. Dude.

Kulap Vilaysack  22:10

And I think, I say this with no shade. There was so much emotion. And it was all good and wonderful. But like when those sorts of presentation sort of ended, I said, my thank you. I felt people were like, gotta go because it just it was like, I get that feeling. You’re like, I gotta go. I have like, I’ve been through a lot. I’m spent I gotta go.

SuChin Pak  22:39

I fled the scene. I was like, I have to drive two plus hours. I don’t know, I may have to pull over and nap this off? No, I was I was a little nervous that I wasn’t going to make it was just like you said it was so emotional. And every moment but I mean, obviously. I mean, life, you know what I mean? Every moment was life giving. But you have to process that you have to respect and honor that time to process at all and so I can’t even believe you went to a Duran Duran concert after that.

Kulap Vilaysack  23:18

I debated trying to back out but I was like the baby’s coming. These are the nights that I’m gonna wish I had. But I was so exhausted.

SuChin Pak  23:30

Today you need to after we record this, you just need to really do nothing nest fold things label maker do that whole bit, the self-care bit that you love, and get stuff done, but in a quiet way where you’re not outputting because that was a lot. That was a lot.

Kulap Vilaysack  24:01

I just want to end this. I hate to circle back to this. But I do want to end with this because I really want to drill down on your experience. You know, you have in our times of add to cart. You’ve heard of me talking about how there are dress codes you’ve heard about, like awards and stuff now what just again, I’m so sorry, I need to hear this because it brings me so much joy to have experienced it. Was it as described or more?

SuChin Pak  24:33

Oh, definitely more. There’s no like camaraderie or goodwill. There’s no lightheartedness. You know, like, I believe that I can be a very cutthroat person. And there are people, my husband included, who say like that’s an intense friend group you have, I have my friend group. We’ve never ever had an award ceremony. We’ve never had a dress code. We’ve never had anything like that. So I feel like I have an intense friend group. This is like I said there when there’s something at stake, and they always put something deliberately at stake. It’s not like it happens accidentally. No, they plan something at stake. It’s not about, it’s about a baby coming. It’s about you. But and yet you are both of you are shoved just slightly to the side. And they enter front stage, and there is no warmth. And there’s not a lightheartedness. I don’t even know; I don’t even know what to say about it. I have pictures of just June’s reactions to other people winning awards after she herself won an award.

Kulap Vilaysack  25:54

After she won an award. She said we can win multiple awards.

SuChin Pak  25:58

Yes. You know, she said, a sweep as possible. She said I you can, one can sweep an award ceremony. And that’s, that was fact, she just wanted to recall a Wikipedia fact it was not out of humor. She wanted to state that the rules are the rules, and one can sweep an award ceremony. So that is my perspective. When I say it with love and respect, I could not hang. I could not hang with a crew like this. To witness it. Next to an exit is the most enjoyable and most enthralling and hysterical experience. Unfortunately, you won’t, most of us won’t, because you’re not invited. But I’m telling you this now.

Kulap Vilaysack  26:50

And if you are, do not bring a plus one unless it’s in the invite.

SuChin Pak  26:55

Dress code baby. Read the dress code. Do not walk in there. When I tell you everyone is judged. This is not a judgment free zone.

Kulap Vilaysack  27:07

I just but Su, because I asked you for your experience. Yeah. And then I honor it. I just want to thread in there. You know, it’s like our competition and our stakes. It is our sport and our humor. About it. That is sport as well. Who can take this bit.

SuChin Pak  27:38

Yep, that’s right.

Kulap Vilaysack  27:41

And who can try to take this bit who can try to win this moment?

SuChin Pak  27:46

And it doesn’t even matter.

Kulap Vilaysack  27:51

Yeah, I love it. It is you have to you know, Jenny Yang was one who taught us if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.

SuChin Pak  28:08

Correct.

Kulap Vilaysack  28:13

Because you don’t know as your baby shower, you may have to judge dear friends who have taken time out of their lives to welcome you onto the threshold of motherhood.

SuChin Pak  28:27

And you say not good enough, honey, the girl next to you. She’s the one that one yeah, you may add your baby shower. As we’re celebrating a new life come coming in, succumb to a group of rabid women. Screaming self, and gay man screaming, self, self, self, to give yourself in a word about your boobies. I mean, what?

Kulap Vilaysack  29:00

It was the most perfect gathering. I couldn’t have designed it. I was beyond honored. It was I’m still writing from it. And honestly, oh, there was a tarot card reader. I mean, it was just, it was abundance. It was abundance of love and of joy. And it was exactly what I needed because I I’ve been freaking out. My gestational carriers mucus plug has been out for almost two weeks. And I’m just like, I wake up worried that I missed her call or her. You know, I’ve just it’s been I’ve been anxious. And stressed and it was just it and it really did. And I knew this before, but sitting there amongst you all. Just the support and love.

SuChin Pak  29:52

You needed that. And the laughter. Do you feel lighter, right? Then there’s something about to at least I felt it. There’s something about a gathering like that. In such times of stress, precariousness, of unease, of uncertainty that doesn’t it make you feel like you’ve arrived like, the thing is inevitable like, I don’t know, it was something about that energy that room that everybody there celebrating this child coming that was like oh, oh okay, so we’re moving now pass the wandering, the uncertainty, you know now we’re moving into the laughter, the you know what I mean, the cutthroat competition, whatever it is like there was something about it that felt very transitional into a certainty.

Kulap Vilaysack  30:57

Everything has been so my journey oftentimes has been wrought. And very like I’ve been, I keep saying, I’ve been brought to my knees because I have been. I yeah, I’ve had to kneel a lot during this process, and everything was so serious and to take, you know, something’s with the awards, it’s to take what I love is to take something that is so stupid, seriously. To have that frivolity and whimsy. It’s exactly what I needed. That is now a time of joy. Like, now is the time.

SuChin Pak  31:37

Now we can celebrate. It was like permission to celebrate permission to let it go, permission to move into this next transition of whatever it is. But now, it was a transitional thing. It was like, let go. And then we’re moving into this new thing. And that’s why you needed every single person in that room to bring that energy and push. You know, you through that. So it felt it just I left there feeling like wow, I feel very different about what’s happening with your journey than I did, you know, two hours ago. So I could only imagine that so amplified with you. And now we’re just like, alright.

Kulap Vilaysack  32:27

I feel lighter. I really, like this wave that was on my chest. I feel. I feel okay.

SuChin Pak  32:33

It’s something about too, and I think you’ll, I know, you’ll experience this again and again, is in those moments of like darkness, especially when I’m parenting and all of this and when so many hands are carrying it. And you really feel it. You know what I mean? Like, yes, we know you know, we have our village, but when everybody’s in physically in a room together, and we’re all holding your pain, your grief, your uncertainty, your joy, all of it together. You don’t you can let that go a bit, right. Like it was. Yeah. And so I’m glad that you feel the lightness because, because I did too. When I left. I was like, oh, that’s exactly what we needed. We needed to laugh. We needed to cry. We needed all those emotions. It was so emotional. Because I think it was the letting go of it. You know, it couldn’t have been like an easy breezy. You know, let’s play some diaper games. It just wasn’t gonna be I didn’t know what it was gonna be. But I just, I knew, I was in for it.

Kulap Vilaysack  33:43

I’m nodding in agreement. I was in the same position as you, I love you. I love all my friends. I’m just I’m so grateful. I really am so, I’m so grateful. Well, another special episode.

SuChin Pak  34:06

I love these random special episodes that no agenda. But like truly we needed to catch up. We was like, text me she’s like, I just need to record our catch up. I’m like, yeah, let’s do it.

Kulap Vilaysack  34:22

All the beautiful moments that happened all the gorgeous of sights and sounds and stuff. I really needed to hear what you gave me were just your take on that award show.

SuChin Pak  34:32

Oh, yeah. Shocked. I could not believe the gall, at first because I don’t know these people as well as you do. Obviously. It’s my first time I’ve ever it’s my first time in person that I’ve even met any of these people. June is the only person that I’ve met in person. Everyone else has been through zoom. I was like mad for you. I was like what? You’re gonna make her work. I was like annoyed. I was like, wait, this isn’t right. And then quickly I was like Oh, I’m amongst I have a month professional. Let me just sit back and take this in. But I was at first when she said there’s an award ceremony that you have to then give awards to I was like no. Like you’re not going to make her work and I was like, oh I see, this isn’t work. So now you see why I needed 48 full hours to recover from this. Thank you guys so much for joining us. If you want more Add to Cart follow us on Instagram @AddToCartPod. Also, we’ve got a giveaway going on if we don’t do a lot of giveaways but when we do, they’re nice you know they’re nice giveaways. So for a chance to win send us a voicemail sharing your favorite products ever. You know the one thing that you’ve bought that just has stood the test of time. Maybe it’s the thing that you buy in bulk, maybe it’s the thing that you gift because you love it so much and it’s changed your life so much. Our phone number is 833-453-6662. That’s 833-453-6662 All right until next week, bye.

CREDITS  36:22

ADD TO CART is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producer is Claire Jones and our mix is by Ivan Kuraev and Veronica Rodriguez. The music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers are Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Also, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcast.