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Description

Alvenus and Joshua will always kiki about their f*cking, whether it’s about a shared side piece or their many other conquests over the years.

“I know you had some sexual history with this person, but I wanna f*ck.” – Joshua

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Joshua, Alvenus, Claire Jones

Joshua  00:02

There was this person who I connected with on social media, who slid in my DM and was like, hey, what’s up, I want to get off, I want to get a good night. You looked like a fun guy. What’s up. And at first, I didn’t recognize him until I dug deep and went into social media. And I was like, oh, this person used to mess with Alvenus. So I call him immediately. like, yo, I need to tell you something. So and so slid in my DM, this is what they’re saying. They said, X, Y, and Z. And once a meet up on this day, and I know you had some sexual history with this person, but I’m on the way real with you. I want to fuck, and if it at all makes you uncomfortable. I will tell the person to leave me alone. I do not want to be involved. And then what did you say?

Alvenus 

I can’t remember what I say verbatim. But I know I was rooting for it, though. Because it was a good time.

Joshua 

It absolutely was, what made this person so fun and exciting in bed. He’s an animal He’s wild. And the stamina for one was impeccable. The rate of fucking is impeccable.

Alvenus 

You mean the magnitude, that’s magnitude? Okay. The magnitude of the founding.

Joshua 

I don’t know like this, this person. He was just, it’s like, he’s a pro. It’s just so good. Hi, I’m Joshua.

Alvenus 

And I’m Alvenus.

Joshua 

We’ve been friends for five years.

Alvenus 

Your listening to GOOD SEX.

Joshua 

And this is GOOD SEX.

Alvenus 

Josh is my safe space. I can come to him with anything and not be judged. He operates off of a non-judgmental objective perspective and everything that he does. And I value that and appreciate that so much.

Joshua  02:13

I feel like I can have these conversations with Alvenus because very early on Albinus, you demonstrated to me that you were a friend that wanted to protect me, and you were there for me in a very low point. Because I was in a very toxic relationship. And you brought insight to me that had it not been brought; I would have been left in the dark. And I wouldn’t have seen things that were in that relationship that I needed to see so that I could get out of it. You wanted to be sure that I was safe, that I was okay, that I was good. And you saw when things were wrong. And you made me aware of a lot of things. And I don’t think that the trajectory that I’m on now would have happened if you weren’t there for me. Okay, my bestie, my friend, I’m going to ask you this. Where do you think I’m at sexually? Am I at a place where I’m like, keep them coming? Or am I ready to find the one.

Alvenus

You want to be ready to find the one so bad, but you want them to keep them coming. It’s so interesting. It’s like the relationship advice that you have. You want a relationship and you know how to be in one, but I don’t think one person is I know if […], I’m not reading you. I just don’t think one person is enough. It’s just not gonna happen with just one person right now. Maybe when you’re 60, but not right now 60. So where do you think I am, sexually.

Joshua 

Where do I think you want them to keep in coming or ready to find the one? You ready for this answer?

Alvenus 

Oh, my God.

Joshua 

You are. You like to pretend you’re ready to find the one but in reality, I believe you’re like, keep on coming. Let’s go. Let’s be seen. I want this one. This one. This one. Back-to-back to back.

Alvenus  04:12

Oh, what am I doing make you say that?

Joshua 

when we’re out. And I told you this before, when we’re out. I feel like you exhibit some boy crazy behavior. And with the right amount of liquid courage. You’re about that life.

Alvenus 

I am not, I have not acted on anything like that ever.

Joshua 

But the mentality is there. It’s okay. How was life? How was life?

Alvenus

Oh my god. What do you think my type is?

Joshua 

What do I think your type is? You know what, judging by your history, it’s quite varied. Because, for example, one of your primary partners Like he’s muscled up, he’s handsome. But he’s also a little more on like the conservative side, in regards to his demeanor, but also a few of your past partners. They’re kind of like, wild child, it boys, their personalities are very loose, and they’re in the scene, you know, they’ve got an essence of prettiness to them. But, you know, they give off like a very natural sex appeal. And I think you’re drawn to avoid it’s confident. So that’s I’m saying, I think it’s like, it’s somewhere between I don’t even think you know what your type is yet. B

Alvenus 

That’s why I asked you, what do you think my type is versus kind of like going into it and saying what my type is? Because it’s very fine. It varies depending on what I’m feeling, I guess. I can tell you your type. I

Joshua 

What do you think my type is?

Alvenus 

It depends. Because you have types in the bedroom. As long as the sex is good. There is no type. Okay? Let’s be very clear. You like sex. And I think that if the person has good sex, there are a number of things that you don’t mind. Okay. I think that it’s more so is the sex good. I know you need to connect and vibe and flirt and get there. And I think that we all kind of have that. But you have people that no one has seen, because all we do is hear about this amazing sex. Am I wrong? I think you are in to taller guys. You want a guy that kid and kind of in stronger than you that can pick you up and throw you up against the wall If need be?

Joshua  06:53

Continue?

Alvenus 

I think you may be for the most part, maybe in the older guys. And you haven’t admitted that yet. To yourself. I think that there is a maturity, sexual compatibility that comes with an older, mature, more seasoned man that you relate to.

Joshua 

You’re not wrong.

Joshua 

I’m not reading you.

Joshua

You’re not, I agree. I do prefer my age or older. And I’ve noticed when I’ve attempted to date younger, it’s usually been younger guys that give older, like, their personality or their demeanor is older than their particular age group. I think there’s a level of maturity that I’m attracted to perhaps, in dating, but I mean, your right about the bedroom? I don’t explore, I think I’ve explored by, but okay. Next question. Next question.

Alvenus  08:00

Would you feel a certain way, if I fuck someone after you, cuz there’s a lot of overlap. And the community, especially you live in LA, it’s a very small community. And you popular kids know, everybody and have kind of all. So I find it a very small pool of people that I could talk to, and I’m getting to the point where it’s like, okay, there’s gonna be some overlap.

Joshua 

Well, friend, I think you already know the answer to this question, because it’s already happened.

Alvenus 

On your part, not on my part I have not had sex with so, I haven’t done that.

Joshua 

I wouldn’t be mad. If you do what I did, it came to you first and be like, I know that you messed with this person. Opportunity has arisen. Like, no, if it was somebody that x that we won’t name like, obviously, no. I mean, if you want to go flying, and I’m like, Frank, go ahead. Have a look. Take a look at that. Well, I asked you the same thing I wanted to know, like..

Alvenus 

As long as you know, as long as it’s not I feel the same way. Come and talk to me about it. Because it is a small, you know, I think if the world was bigger, or the community, the community was bigger. If the community was more out, and we didn’t see these people, we didn’t have to overlap with them. I don’t think it will be a problem, right? Because we wouldn’t be bumping into the same people but the fact of the matter is we do and I think that that’s a harsh reality of living in the lifestyle that a lot of people who associate and attach these you know, traditional values of You know, being in relationships and dating and stuff, they can’t think outside the box, and they really limit themselves. And I think I was one of those people for a long time. Honestly, I was. But I think more recently, if you can’t even talk to me about it, like you did, on my overall mindset about that is if you want to get that guy by the team, then also you I mean, doesn’t you at the end and no shaming in it or anything like that like? All right. Do you remember the first time I came to you to talk about sex?

Joshua  10:44

Well, I remember a couple of initial conversations about sex and they were before you were in a serious relationship. There was two instances specifically that stand out. Both instances involve two different positions. One being more of a subservient position and another one being more dominant.

Alvenus 

Oh, you’re gonna go there?

Joshua  11:11

Not that I was ever it’s like I, you know, when I, when I become friends with someone, I’m not necessarily trying to find out what their sexual position is. But you came to me you talk. I was like, Oh, got it. So this one instance, you told me about this, this ongoing sexual partner that you had. And this was one of the ones where I was saying earlier, where there was a kind of loose in the scene, like sex appeal, one of the it boys, and you told me how wild y’all can get and how long y’all can go. I was very impressed. Okay, I see you. You know?

Alvenus 

It’s a gift. I think it’s a gift. Me, personally.

Joshua 

I appreciate it. I’m sure that that young man, that young man that we were talking about, had a good time with you a good long, extended time of sexual euphoria.

Alvenus  12:10

It’s too bad. It’s just too bad that I’m very happy where I’m at now.

Joshua 

Would you say that? Because obviously, I know that your sexual relationship with that person is like 100. But I mean, what is it safe to say that if you were to have explored something deeper with that person, that it probably wouldn’t be a match?

Alvenus 

No, it wouldn’t be a match for a number of different reasons. But specifically, because I’m not into people who don’t see me and value me for where I am in the space that I am. Right now.

Joshua 

I think I have the same situation in regards to like, I have like long term sexual partners, who sexually we are so compatible, so compatible, I mean, each other’s bodies and get it. But ultimately, beyond that, a partnership doesn’t seem likely, it doesn’t feel right. Because of different things. So obviously, you can’t base a foundation on a relationship, just on sex, it will not work. It’s a recipe for disaster. You know, which is why I feel like I’ve been able to detach emotion and have a healthy, long term sexual relationship with a few partners, because we know what it is. If we respect each other’s time and respect each other’s bodies. And there’s trust there. There’s a level of trust there that has worked that has allowed it to be long term.

Alvenus 

You know, the craziest thing is you talk about like, knowing each other’s bodies, knowing each other. I actually tried one time; I don’t think I’ve shared this with you. But one time with another. We actually spoke about this person last night in the car. We went on a date. Strictly when this was years ago, this was years ago, we went to a play and we went to go see a play, okay. This was probably one of the first times that we saw each other outside of that sexual setting, you know, the apartment close on. It was totally awkward. It was just like, oh my god, this is not anything more. I don’t know what I was thinking. And when I really recall, and I think after that moment, it was downhill from there. It just was down at that. And then when we would hook up, it would just it was resentment. It was resentment.

Joshua  14:08

Because that person he couldn’t detach the emotion.

Alvenus 

The emotion. He fucked up a good thing. Alright, sorry. I’m so happy right now, though. I’m so happy where I’m at right now. I’m happy. I’m very, very happy. I’m in an amazing place sexually. You know, it’s just when you reflect on just your past, it’s just like, yeah, that was a moment that changed everything.

Joshua 

Speaking of where you’re at now, the conversation we’re having right now, could you have it with your partner?

Alvenus

Think about the question we’ve asked each other. Oh, he would want me to have it with him. Would I have it with them? No, because of the possibility of it being weaponized, later. More so, because of I’m shameful. Some of the things that I would have to go into some of the details that my partner wants to know. And he wants to know, every little nook and cranny of everything, just me saying, I had a longtime sex partner is not enough. He wants to know, what’s the strangest way she did it in, how long did you go where, you know, how many times did you nut. Like, he wants to know all that. And I think that those questions are very valid, but come out organically. But if we’re just sitting and talking, and I’m giving pieces of information willingly, I think that that is enough to go off. Now, do what I think do I think that more detail for certain situations is, you know, necessary, especially in a relationship? Yes. Yeah, I do. And I’m willing to share. But there’s some things that I like to keep private.

Joshua  16:39

We actually touched on that in a previous conversation before I think, in a long-term relationship. I think it’s healthy. Start introducing kinks or things that have gotten you off in the past. I feel like that’s a healthy conversation to have as you grow with someone. Yeah, I think our sexual needs change, they evolve. And I think the shame part about it is probably what builds sexual resentment towards each other, because they aren’t being honest, because maybe they’re embarrassed, or whatever. But I hope and pray that the partner I end up with will allow me the space to talk freely and safely with them, because they are my partner first. I’m not a sexual being I share sex with them, but they’re my partner. Sexual honesty, to me, as of recently has been something that I respect and want to see in my relationship. So if you were to ask me the same question, I think initially, no, but I would like to graduate into those conversations as the relationship progresses.

Alvenus 

Right, right. I totally agree with that. I think you’re spot on with that. I have even experienced shame, thinking about some of the things I want to do sexually, just a thought, and I haven’t even acted on it. Shame was really powerful. And I think we’re getting there. We’re moving there. We’re moving there. We’re moving there. I think that we have these talks often, and it goes into, I start to feel grilled. I think that’s what I start to feel interrogated. Like, oh, you do these things with this person. But why aren’t we doing them? Or when are we going to do them? And it’s like, you know, maybe I want to keep things separate. Maybe I like what we’re doing. Maybe I like to and I know I like what we’re doing more than when I was doing with that person. Because they’re not hearing you are.

CREDITS

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media original. This show is produced by Claire Jones and Matthew Simonsson. Our supervising producer is Xorje Olivares, with Jackie Danziger as our story editor. Executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad with additional music from APM music. Sound design is by Matthew Simonsson and Elle Rinaldi. If you like GOOD SEX, the show not, you know? Why don’t you rate and review us listen and follow for new episodes each week, wherever you’re listening right now. And if you want more GOOD SEX, subscribe to Lemonada Premium only on Apple podcasts.