Better Choices in 2024: Give Advice or Take It? (with Sarah Silverman)
Let’s make better choices in 2024! But how? Is it about following good advice? Is there a scientific method? Can everyone do it? Each week in January, Sam will go beyond superficial hacks and get at the truth of how to lead a more meaningful life, starting with comedian Sarah Silverman. Sam asks Sarah about the advice she offers strangers on The Sarah Silverman Podcast, the one best choice she made in 2023, and what to do if you’re paralyzed with indecision.
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Samantha Bee, Sarah Silverman
Samantha Bee 00:00
Hello, dear listeners, Happy New Year. Oh, I missed you all And I am so glad you’re here because we have to crawl out of our turtlenecks and get to work I mean, definitely, definitely we have to work on our country and our climate and our bodily rights, but also on ourselves. And that is what we are all about this month, way back in 2023. Remember, 2023 we had some incredible conversations with our guests about big choices they have made the change their lives. But with a new year upon us, I wanted to look at how we can make even better choices and 2024. And that means taking a step back and examining what it even means to make a choice, what goes into a decision do we? Do we seek out the advice of others? Do we weigh pros and cons? Should I make a cute little list? In addition to all the other lists that I have all over the place? How do I even decide what to put on my cute little list? My cute little, probably dozens of lists to be part of it is taking responsibility for the decisions we have to make, which is why I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna say something radical, no more new year’s resolutions. I’m banning them, please do not cancel me for that. If deciding to change something in your life is important to you. Do it now, do it in March. Do it in December. Don’t wait, oh, my goodness, every minute is another minute. We could all be making better choices I mean, that’s fine you can still do something good in January, if that’s when it comes to you. But that better just be a coincidence. Why should we delay progress? Even if it’s hard to decide that it’s time we should hold ourselves accountable? Why would we let ourselves off the hook the rest of the year just so we have someone saved up for January? Look, if you need it, I’ll hold you accountable, it just everybody come back here every time you’re feeling stuck. And I’ll just remind all of us because in 2024 we need our politicians to make better choices, we need voters to make better choices we need our friends and family members, the people we don’t even know how to make better choices and we need to make better choices for ourselves. New Year new you, new me, new way of doing things, okay? Everybody just agree.
Samantha Bee 02:44
This is Choice Words, I’m Samantha Bee and this entire month of January we are getting to the nitty gritty of good decision making. For many of us, we don’t make decisions in a vacuum, we rely on our villages. So I am kicking off the new year with Sarah Silverman, who is as thoughtful as she is funny and she gives some truly great advice to those who seek it on her show, the Sarah Silverman podcast. So take a listen and make good choices.
Sarah Silverman 03:25
Recording and do my own sexy voice recording.
Samantha Bee 03:28
Sounds fantastic. Oh, how are you? I’m happy to see you.
Sarah Silverman 03:40
I’m really excited that you said yes to love podcast.
Samantha Bee 03:46
And I’m excited to be podcast cousins on the same network now.
Sarah Silverman 03:52
As am I
Samantha Bee 03:53
Oh, I love it I was so excited when I heard that you’re coming over into the Lemonada side of things. It made me really happy. Well, welcome to Choice Words. So as you know, this podcast is all about making choices. And I feel like we’re all making big ones all the time and I feel like you’ve made big decisions probably in 2023. But we want to talk about like the bigger picture of like, I’m not a New Year’s resolution person, are you?
Sarah Silverman 04:28
Not at all.
Samantha Bee 04:29
Have you ever made one like in the back of your mind ever in your whole life?
Sarah Silverman 04:34
Samantha Bee 04:36
Literally never yeah, same. I feel like most people don’t. But we have like a lot of conversations about what they’re going to be. Culturally, and I don’t relate to it at all.
Sarah Silverman 04:50
Like what are you going to do in the new year? I don’t know like, I’d be doing it now if I was gonna be waiting for a date.
Samantha Bee 04:58
Waiting for a date to make a difference. It always feels weird. You could just start today, so okay. I think ultimately, what it boils down to is that people always want to make great choices, they don’t really know. They don’t always know how to do it but people come to you for advice on the Sarah Silverman podcast and I find your show super fascinating and so relatable because you give very earnest advice to people. You’re very good at it, you’re excellent at it.
Sarah Silverman 05:34
Yeah I mean, it only is because I go to therapy, and I’m learning stuff and then I think I’m a therapist, because I’m so impressed with what I’ve learned.
Samantha Bee 05:43
That’s wonderful. Do you feel like because I feel like I’m an amateur doctor? Yeah so together, I feel like we could heal a lot of the world, the worlds ills? Do you, how do you how do you help people make good decisions? How do you know are you just, you just have an internal compass that guides you.
Sarah Silverman 06:09
I think I’m, I’ve been around a lot and I’ve examined a lot of dynamic, dynamics and relationships, and a lot of therapy some fine and some very good and, but also, it’s much easier to give advice to others, right than yourself. Because we can be objective, fairly, fairly objective and, and it there’s no like, of our ego isn’t mixed in with it at all. And or our self doubt, or our all the, all the baggage that we have, you know, like it’s just, you know, like, I remember tricking my dad into therapy.
Samantha Bee 07:04
I go how’d you do that?
Sarah Silverman 07:06
Because he’s so he was so pro therapy for everyone.
Samantha Bee 07:10
But it was like, I my own therapist, basically.
Sarah Silverman 07:17
Was as obnoxious as that is. It’s kind of all of us in ways, you know, but I was just like, yeah, my friend, you know, and I basically described him, but I said it was a friend of mine. I gave him I said it was a specific friend he knew. Like, and he won’t go to therapy, and you know, and my dad’s like, well, you know, he should and ba ba […]
Samantha Bee 07:48
Busted to see like, oh, God dammit, fine yeah.
Sarah Silverman 07:53
But he still didn’t go.
Samantha Bee 07:55
He’s still didn’t go?
Samantha Bee 07:56
He’s still […]
Samantha Bee 08:01
But so are you good, so are you? Are you good at making decisions for yourself? How long does it take you? How much do you ruminate?
Sarah Silverman 08:12
I guess I feel like I’m better at big decisions and I can completely paralyzed by small decisions.
Samantha Bee 08:19
Oh, like what to have for dinner, right? Okay.
Sarah Silverman 08:23
I don’t know, I same thing every night if it were up to me, because I’m just a woman of habit. You know, but um, yeah, like I could, I could just be paralyzed with it’s exactly the smallest thing of like, you know, but big decisions I make the best decisions I make hmm, maybe the worst I feel, are like unconscious decision like, we self thought kind of like major decisions like I mean, I moved to Los Angeles without a thought. Like, I lived in a five floor, walk up with a roommate in New York and I loved New York, went to LA and went to a party. It was a party for Jon Stewart’s MTV show.
Samantha Bee 09:29
Oh my Gosh.
Sarah Silverman 09:31
Oh, it was. And I met a cool girl and a beanie smoking a cigarette and I was like, oh, and she’s like, oh, my roommates moving out if you want her room, and I went, okay. I like went back to New York, I packed my stuff I had a boyfriend at the time, I was like, yeah, I’m moving to LA and you know, I just didn’t. I didn’t think at all about it. But you know, I don’t know, every time I’ve done stuff like that it’s worked out. But if I made a different decision, it would have worked out too. I think that’s the best way to think about it, even though it isn’t always necessarily true at all. You know, you can, like you can be so poor, I always think of that Sung from Sunday in the Park with George, I don’t know if you’re a musical head at all.
Samantha Bee 10:24
I kind of am, but I don’t know that went very well.
Sarah Silverman 10:26
It’s called move on and Bernadette Peters sings and just she’s talking to this artists, George Surat, and she’s saying, it just moves on it does, the choice may be mistaken, the choosing is not you have to move on, that’s the right lyric, you know, but it is, it’s just like, just sometimes, if you’re paralyzed, you just have to make a choice. It doesn’t matter which one, you know, either, you have to just believe like your story’s already written. And that’s like a more of a religious like, way to understand the not understandable or just know that it’s just like, you know, it’s better than total fear paralysis, like just making a choice doesn’t matter. If you made the wrong choice, make another choice, you’ll be in a better position to realize another choice, you know.
Samantha Bee 11:22
And you’ll know more you’ll be you’ll be armed with more information. So like, why regret a thing that you did? You might as well you’re just gonna learn from it and be a more full person.
Sarah Silverman 11:35
But I mean, I trust I trust my gut, but I have terrible instincts.
Samantha Bee 11:39
Oh, that’s great, terrible instincts.
Sarah Silverman 11:41
I mean, so many things, just career wise I mean, but I don’t regret you know, but like, Jon Hamm, who I’ve known forever. I remember him calling me and being like, I’m doing this pilot for AMC and you should audition for it and I was like, right. American movie classics. Channel, it’s called The Comedy Central, Bridesmaids I remember bridesmaids coming to me and I just read the title and I was a bridesmaid.
Samantha Bee 12:15
Pam, thank you. It’s like my favorite movie.
Sarah Silverman 12:22
Samantha Bee 12:24
You can’t it, that’s so funny because it’s like in our family, the advice is, if you don’t know what to do, do nothing, right? Like, don’t act on it, just sit in it for longer. You just need like longer to just like, don’t.
Sarah Silverman 12:43
So it’s a good that’s a good point, too because sometimes you just need to like, look inward or wait for like, sometimes you know the answer just after a nap, right?
Samantha Bee 12:54
Very true, sleep on it, or just like a little sleep balance. So real, it’s so real I not to get too personal but I just had like, well, I’ll do it, I just had like a small, like a little surgery a little while ago, a couple of months ago. And before I went and my doctor was like, hey, just before you go and just like after any surgery, like 48 hours, don’t make any big decisions, don’t move to a city across the country, don’t get a divorce, don’t sell everything and don’t gamble, your kids college savings, okay. And I was like, get out of here, Dr. Radke. And, like 24 hours after surgery, I was like I’m giving it all up. I’m moving to Paris, I’m selling everything and I literally had to go wait a minute, Dr. Radke, was right to sleep longer.
Sarah Silverman 13:48
I had a huge surgery in 2016 like an emergency surgery on my throat, and I was in the hospital for a week and they couldn’t put me out so they basically gave me like all the heroin in the world like or whatever, morphine right and they did not give me that warning but they should have and I and a series of events took place online for me that ended with me going to Western Union and sending $400 to Cameroon buy some online because I couldn’t smoke pot and so I tried to get like a pot wasn’t legal yet and I tried to get like edibles are some are oil or something and I completely fell for a sham that I would never fall for with my leg right mind. God rive to Western Union, and I say $400.
Samantha Bee 14:43
This is important I know I should be resting now but I’ve got to get in the car and get to a place where I can wire some money to Africa.
Sarah Silverman 14:52
Yeah, that’s great. Africa for weed oil, that’s probably me. Well, that probably doesn’t exist actually. That’s just pictures on the website.
Samantha Bee 15:01
It was probably made two doors down. It was just yeah. What is your favorite thing to give advice on? Do people call in and you’re like this one’s for I got a, I’m in it I love this.
Sarah Silverman 15:15
Well, anything that I can read, I can find a way to relate to anything, which is probably ego and the need to be the center of things. But anything that’s let I where I can go, Oh my God, I know this one or I’ve I’ve right dealt with this or I have something. But also I, you know, the ones where I have to, you know, like recently I go this is above my paygrade I don’t, I don’t know how to answer this. It would be irresponsible for me to try to answer this. But also, in those times, sometimes I do give advice, but I preface it with I am just a person talking out of my mouth.
Samantha Bee 16:00
Don’t listen too hard. But here’s a different perspective.
Sarah Silverman 16:03
Yeah, here’s here’s a comedian who’s gone to therapy lots perspective that you don’t know, at all.
Samantha Bee 16:12
Like, don’t sell your house and send all the money from your house to Cameroon.
Sarah Silverman 16:18
Yeah, without thinking about it at least without sleeping on it.
Samantha Bee 16:23
Talk to one extra person about that. Yeah, maybe your UPS guy and have a nap. Definitely get one night of solid sleep before you do that. We’ll be right back with Sarah Silverman after this.
Samantha Bee 16:54
You are one of four sisters.
Sarah Silverman 16:57
Samantha Bee 16:58
That’s great, I’m very jealous of that actually, I’m an only child so I’m like the opposite of first of all four sisters. Do you go to your how big of a role do your sisters have in your constant.
Sarah Silverman 17:14
Constant and talking about decision making like many polls are taken on our sisters WhatsApp. You know, should I do this? This this or this? And then you have to number it so that people can so my sisters can write like three one or whatever but we are our family so up each other’s asses we have you know WhatsApp, WhatsApp.
Samantha Bee 17:39
Sarah Silverman 17:41
You know, the kids today with WhatsApp, WhatsApp, it we have a Silverman United WhatsApp. And we also the whole family zooms on Sunday. We have just a sister’s WhatsApp. And then of course all the you know all the sisters minus one of all the different varieties.
Samantha Bee 18:04
Sarah Silverman 18:05
You can you can like bend over and spread your like as cheeks and be like, is this something? Should I go to the doctor? Oh, nice.
Samantha Bee 18:15
Really nice, friends that you could do that with? I do I for sure do, and it’s but there is something about there isn’t really there isn’t? There isn’t anyone in my life who was there at the beginning, except for parents, you know, except for parents, there isn’t anyone there who was like, shared all of that weirdness and like those awkward fate like who you are when you’re too.
Sarah Silverman 18:42
Yeah, your friends who knew you before and your family and stuff. And it’s our you know, I don’t know if you have your parents but would like when they’re gone. It’s just like, oh, no one’s gonna love you like that, you know.
Samantha Bee 18:56
Do you I think you speak very plainly and very beautifully about grief? Because I know that you recently lost your dad and your stepmom with like, within a few days of each other. And I think that people going through something like that really appreciate your openness, and about life. How do you help people? You know, people you don’t know, with parts of your life that are so personal.
Sarah Silverman 19:33
Oh, you know, I’m feel like an open book, I write you a probably to a fault where it’s like, I need to expose right. You know, it’s funny because a lot of people you know, I’m sure you know, people have been in therapy their whole lives and you’re like this person has not changed in any way.
Samantha Bee 19:57
Even if they go three times a week three that same person.
Sarah Silverman 20:01
Because that’s his very, I see that personality a lot, and it’s what it is, is I think, one, it’s ego and emperor, it’s not dealing with ego. So it’s the they’re so smart, they know exactly what to say, to impress their therapists and their therapists, because oh, you’re right, or, oh, you’re so good on that, that’s great, and they don’t learn anything, because you have to bring in your shittiest parts of yourself that you have to do that, or oh, you’re just not gonna stay the same. You just have another person for an hour telling you good job.
Samantha Bee 20:39
That’s such a good way to see it because I do think there is like an impulse a lot of people have that impulse where they’re like, I’m going to make my therapist, I’m going to be like the unbreakable person, because like, I don’t have any issues. I want to be the one person my therapist didn’t need to help really, I got all the answers.
Sarah Silverman 20:56
Yeah and I think any therapists would probably hear story after story after story of like, some drama, were there, right? And is there still is a common denominator with all of these things that happen to you.
Samantha Bee 21:14
Have you ever met anyone who was in therapy? And they didn’t? Okay, this is such a deep question. But like, you knew someone who you were like, dating someone who was in therapy, and they told their therapists all about you. And then they come back, and they’re like, my therapist agrees with me, about you. And you’re like, you told them lies. Your therapist?
Sarah Silverman 21:41
Yeah, like when I hear your side of the story, you sound right, do what it is.
Samantha Bee 21:51
Okay, I usually usually start the show by asking my guests for life changing choice that they made, but in the spirit of the new year and reflecting on 2023, can you think of? What do you think is the best decision you made in the past year? It could be something tiny. It could be a showstopper. Is there anything that jumps out at you?
Sarah Silverman 22:17
The past year? Oh, God, that went so fast.
Samantha Bee 22:22
Where did it go it?
Sarah Silverman 22:24
Oh, you know, I did during the strike. Ah, um, I remembered the strike from 2007. And it shouldn’t be a good time per se. But it also should, because it’s such a rare moment in time, when all of your friends that are in show business are in town and not working.
Samantha Bee 22:59
That’s so true.
Sarah Silverman 23:00
And I just vowed to make it like a summer to remember. You know, so, I moved into a house, I’ve never lived in a house before since growing up in New Hampshire. And we got a pool in your backyard a little pool. And so we heated the pool every day. To a ridiculous, like, group shirt fits temperature. And we would pick it and then come over. And people I don’t drink but people who drink have a puff, play, you know, and I listen, it actually wasn’t like, some of my best closest friends came by here in there. But so many of them were in the middle of raising children. And you know, so yes, some would pop by, but new front new young comedians that I think are amazing, or, you know, and some of their friends that I didn’t know and you know, and we we got this like somewhere pod of, of you know, and we made all these friends and some that we I’ve known forever, but some like that we’re just kind of as new I think it’s so important to stay in touch with like the new young generation of comics and just brilliant voices and new voices and you know, I used to be so afraid of consuming comedy because I’m terrified of accidentally getting an idea that was something that right you know, I saw but I’m kind of it and probably some of it was like it’s too stressful to see something that I think is bad and it’s just in it’s too stressful to see something that is like brilliant, you know, as a comic and it kind of just though overall of that and feel more like a Nana, like proud and excited about new voices and stuff in it, it makes my life so much happier, you know, to be able to truly just feel that like feel that way.
Sarah Silverman 25:17
Sarah Silverman 25:19
Yeah, it was a great summer. I mean, there was a strike and so many people are out of work and I’m obviously very fortunate to be work, know I have work coming or the end have enough money you know, I live will be low, my I’ve always lived very well below my means so I can sustain a strike and stuff when, you know, obviously, it’s hard for so many people, but it’s a waste to make, to suffer you know, it’s like, it’s made me so appreciate just what’s around me and write everything I have. Every night lately, I get into bed and I don’t mean to be like hashtag gratitude. I’m not kidding, I get to bed and I’m like, oh my God, I’m warm and dry. Like, for some reason, I’m obsessed with like, how excited I am that I’m I’m warm and dry and and can eat like, it’s.
Samantha Bee 26:21
I think that makes a lot that makes so much sense. Like a feeling of there’s something about just being safe and warm.
Sarah Silverman 26:32
Yeah, I don’t we don’t know what the future holds. Things are looking bleak. Things around the world are horrible. And I was shaking and trembling with with sadness and fear and, all these feelings about what’s happening in the world and ignoring what’s right in front of my face and obviously, it’s a balance. It’s not like let them eat cake, you know?
Samantha Bee 26:59
No, but you can, it’s fine, it’s fine to appreciate. I feel like I do that too I’m like, oh my God like feel we’re I can just go to the grocery store.
Sarah Silverman 27:10
It just seems like a shun that to not appreciate those things, to just consume them without realizing how lucky we are. But also like, it doesn’t have to be a guilt vibe. It’s just being able to hold many things and one of them is like, fuck, like, I wanted blueberries and I bought blueberries and I’m allowed the whole thing. I can’t even like.
Samantha Bee 27:33
Can I make one suggestion that’s gonna increase. It’s going to increase your blueberries. It doesn’t involve the berries, but it involves a $10 heating pad from Walgreens.
Sarah Silverman 27:45
I could go get it right now.
Samantha Bee 27:47
Okay, all right good. I have one travel with a keyboard with me and I keep it in my purse like a dope back. I got one.
Sarah Silverman 27:57
In your purse?
Samantha Bee 27:59
Ones in the bed, I got a spare one in case like it topia if there’s like a big like the joke tote bag from succession where they’re like look at that huge tote bag. It’s not the same tote bag but that’s my life like a pack horse with and so that I can always have it if I want just a comforted warm.
Sarah Silverman 28:22
That’s so brilliant, I have a heating pad it’s just ready next to my bed in a drawer, that looks like the wire is coming out. And it is all wired up, amazing microwavable okay. And it’s not like the electric.
Samantha Bee 28:41
The electric is just so consistent, and is that as for as I’m cocooning I’m like, this is the ultimate I sink into it. I’m like, the this day was whatever it was, tomorrow will be another day, but this feeling is a treasure.
Sarah Silverman 28:59
God, I agree I can’t I’m so bonding with you right now because my extremities I’m always called, and I told my boyfriend and he rolls his eyes. But it is fucking true that like cold feels like pain to me. Like I experienced like pain.
Samantha Bee 29:15
Yes, yes, when you can’t think of anything but the coldness it’s just like it’s just present. I was just thinking about your summer gatherings and like how many it was so special? That sounds like.
Sarah Silverman 29:32
Best summer kill every once in a while we schedule a night swim with an invite everyone we just curate a nice whoever’s around and people who would like each other and people who somehow know each other and maybe it’s 12 people and we heat the pool the 94.
Samantha Bee 29:51
Sarah Silverman 29:52
You know, we don’t have a hot winter but like we do if we’re gonna do it, and everyone goes, it’s too cold to swim trust me get in in the working pool, you get your loved ones you don’t or buyers get in, don’t worry about it. And it’s so nice. But like any, our responsibility should be our joy, as corny as that sounds so it’s like every time you take responsibility for it and like, you know what, I’m going to put a heating pad in my purse so that anytime I’m cold, you know, kind of care for yourself, it should feel as good as for others, you know, it’s good. I always have a hat in my bag or something, if I’m called or, you know, it’s like, take care of yourself.
Samantha Bee 30:45
As much as you can, as much as you can. I don’t feel like, I feel like there is some tendency or something for self care to be people’s entire personalities. So that’s sorry, could that’s like a different thing, it should be we’re talking about here is.
Sarah Silverman 31:00
It’s the way you take care of yourself. You have much more space for other people.
Samantha Bee 31:05
You know, yes, totally you put the mask on, you put the whatever the oxygen mask on, in the airplane, so you can breathe, and then you can make sandwiches for everybody else.
Sarah Silverman 31:16
Samantha Bee 31:17
At full frontal, I used to bring emergency sandwiches in my purse, just an emergency was called emergency ham sandwich. And it was just in case, just in case there was no food, just in case it was just like there was no time. You gotta have you gotta shovel something in.
Sarah Silverman 31:34
Just to so smart for your brain to I throw in a bar, but a ham sandwich is low.
Samantha Bee 31:41
Well just petite, like are a serious as a couple of petite.
Sarah Silverman 31:47
Some finger ham, or.
Samantha Bee 31:49
Like on a, like a little Hawaiian bun. Do you know I mean, those little mini ones.
Sarah Silverman 31:53
Those Hawaiian, Hawaiian rolls [ … ]
Samantha Bee 32:00
So moist, some tactile pull that thought more with Sarah Silverman after a one more break.
Samantha Bee 32:24
Okay, I’ve read an answer recently that you gave someone about how you choose your projects. And it is so it meant so much to me because I feel like we have that in common as well, because I definitely have a list of a list of five things that needs like projects need to check five boxes, like, what is your list? It has to be fun or personally meaningful. Can you talk a little bit about that? Criteria?
Sarah Silverman 32:56
I don’t know I mean, like, it’s good, you know, as to sound fun.
Samantha Bee 33:01
Sound fun, be so much money they can’t say no, necessarily, you know.
Sarah Silverman 33:05
Well, it’s something that sort of value, you know, like, I’ve done things that I would absolutely never have done if it wasn’t like a big amount of money and a small amount of days or something, then it’s like get some money gig.
Samantha Bee 33:18
I’m only one.
Sarah Silverman 33:19
Yeah, money money. But um, you know, well, what are your five things?
Samantha Bee 33:26
I revised my list of five, six, hey, added to my list, actually. So I’m going to actually reference it. I’m gonna pull it up. Because I wrote it down, I keep it in my phone.
Sarah Silverman 33:37
Oh, my gosh.
Samantha Bee 33:38
I’m so so that if something comes up, I go, wait a minute, let me check my criteria. I don’t want to forget that I really, really care about these markers. Okay, the number one is to advance the cause of our family in some way. That’s very nebulous. I don’t know what that means.
Sarah Silverman 33:59
Totally get it.
Samantha Bee 34:00
Can mean something. Number two, is it too much money to ignore? Do I really have to think about it in those terms? Sure. Number three, is it and this is not an order in order of importance. It’s just how it is in my phone? Is it creatively fulfilling? Is it like a creative adventure? It’s just so It’s so fulfilling that it doesn’t matter, none of the other stuff matters. It trumps all the other stuff. Number four, does it fulfill our need to have health insurance, right? Does it like you know, because you got to like meet a certain union minimum. Does it help get us to the Union minimum for the year so we could have health insurance very important. We don’t have free ambulances here, and the fifth one, which I just added was, is it too many hours and days away from the people I love and honest to God Life is too short, that’s what I wrote down. And I feel like that trumps everything. It’s like, life’s too short.
Sarah Silverman 35:06
Yeah, I mean, a lot of it is quality of life. Like I remember I was dating an actor. And it was Michael Sheen. And he was like considering the film where he climbed Mount Everest, like that and I was just like, I can’t imagine putting myself voluntarily putting myself in a situation where I’m going to be freezing cold every day. I just, there’s nothing worse when you’re acting in something and you’re not wearing enough clothes for the weather. And you have to just pretend you’re not cold is so horrible, very uncomfortable.
Samantha Bee 35:44
But people off camera who no one can see just holding a candle to goose for them. They’ve run out in between texts, to just like envelop you, but you’re like, do we have to be in blouses for the same?
Sarah Silverman 35:57
Or you have like heating pads every you know, tucked in everywhere? Yeah, but um, yeah, I don’t, you know, it’s not like I have so many, you know, all these projects, I have to decide, but certainly things come my way. I mean, a lot of the decision is out of my hands, which is great like, what comes my way? I never, like make a plan or a goal for some reason I should but I just haven’t, it’s just like, things come your way. And then you go, oh, maybe this maybe this, you know, or you know, you could make a decision that if you thought about it one more day, you would make a different decision. I don’t know, I mean, to be honest, I’d like to say my instinct is always yes. But my instinct is always no, like, how relieved would I be if this goes away?
Samantha Bee 36:44
You know, oh, that’s a good one too.
Sarah Silverman 36:47
And then it goes away, when will I be going? Well, I think about it, you know, it’s like when you you know, should I buy this sweater? I don’t know, well, I’m gonna walk away and I’m still thinking about it. At the other side of the mall, or, you know, when I go home, they don’t get it, usually, I’m not.
Samantha Bee 37:04
That’s a good. Like, usually, it’s like a default no, like, I definitely don’t want to do that, that seems like a lot of trouble. But then you’re like, okay, well, maybe still.
Sarah Silverman 37:14
If it’s still snags you you’re like.
Samantha Bee 37:18
Snags it’s a good way. It’s a good word for what it is. It’s just snags you it’s just like a little like, it’s just like, picking away at you, like tugging, just like tugging on the bottom of your sweater.
Sarah Silverman 37:31
But, you know, it really helped me when I was a kid. I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer and it was terrible, because I was a bed wetter, chronic breadwinner into my teens. So, you know, my parents for both of them. Summer Camp was there like sanctuary, so they couldn’t imagine not sending us to sleepaway camp and also like, then they can have a summer or whatever, but it was terrible for me. And then, so then, the like June became terrible for me, because it was school was ending in the summer was coming. And it was like, and then I couldn’t enjoy, you know, or like, there was a time when I was afraid to go to school. So like, Sunday was ruined, because it was the day before it was the farthest away from the weekend. And so I didn’t enjoy Sunday, I didn’t enjoy. June, I didn’t really mean all because of these things. And that’s of course, anxiety, because that’s when you’re worried about the future. But I knew I would not have a good time. And I knew it was coming in, there was nothing I could do about it. And I remember my sister Laura had said, you know, you’ll go to camp, and then you’ll come back from camp, and it will just be a blip in your memory, like it will it will have like not even happened. Basically, it will just be like a tiny thing in your memory that you barely. And I cling to that to this day, because I’m dreading something, I go, well, it’s gonna happen, and I’m going to be fine. Even if the worst thing happens, I’ll be fine, and then it will be over. Oh, well. I’ve gotten away for like three months, and my boyfriend will be like three months, you know, we’ll both be, but it’s like, but then I’ll come back. And it won’t feel like I was gone for three months it will feel like, right.
Samantha Bee 39:20
Then two days, we’ll be like, what happened?
Sarah Silverman 39:23
Oh, I don’t remember wherewere you though, on the other side of that those three months and three months and three months adds up. And it’s a lot of time to be together. So you have to make sure it’s something that’s very stimulating, and, you know, but we’re also living the future where like FaceTime and zoom is so makes you feel so close. Like I feel so close to I have family and all over the place. But we all hang out on Sunday so.
Samantha Bee 39:47
Right, I know you have to go but I do have to ask you about menopause, y’all. Um, so just a big, just a big quest. Just a little quick question right at the end, menopause, just whatever. Um, I’m just appreciative that you talk about it, because that is a fucking wild ride.
Sarah Silverman 40:05
Thank you yeah, and I you were talking about too or you’re with Ellie Kemper and I was like, yes, yes talk about it like, and Naomi Watts has been incredible I don’t know if you’ve seen anything, she’s been like a real spokes person for menopause.
Samantha Bee 40:19
She has yes.
Sarah Silverman 40:20
It is no one talks about it. I feel women are just starting to talk about it. And we’re lucky that we get the generation of women that are starting to talk about it. But it’s like an end to be with a partner who I can totally talk about it with and it’s not it doesn’t make him go, well, I’m fine with a woman in the menopause. I’m old so I need to like grow up my hotel or have an affair. But it’s one I do not miss my period. I remember when my mom went into menopause. Because she said she it was like a horror movie. And she goes I’ve had my period twice since September and they were both in February. Like it was like, right, so crazy and then I went through the the night sweats like, literally like three full costume changes at night like where I would wake up like I just dove in a pool of mineral oil. Hair drenched outfit dreamt completely up to change, put a towel down it felt very much like my days growing up being a bed wetter. And but tea does pass. Yeah, I am still experiencing and I’m praying, this is menopause and my aunt. As soon as they said I was going through menopause on our zoom a couple years ago or a year ago, she said something that I needed to hear so bad she goes, you don’t have dementia. And I was so grateful because I am convinced I have dementia. I mean, it’s there are our holes in my brain.
Samantha Bee 42:08
That is, that’s an incredible thing to say to someone who’s going into it. I’m going to if with your permission, I’m going to steal that, or use that because I thought I was losing my mind also, it was just big chunks, things are missing.
Sarah Silverman 42:27
Why did I walk into the kitchen? What did I need in the kitchen?
Samantha Bee 42:31
Yeah, what and I if I don’t write it down, like this is why I have notes on my phone that I need to reference all the time. Because if it is not written down, it’s not happening.
Sarah Silverman 42:41
It’s all gone, I have like 11 alarms per day set that go from you know, um, podcast in two minutes or something like get or like, take your Zoloft or, you know, Esther Jim. You know, yeah.
Samantha Bee 43:02
That’s the one thing that I don’t need to write down because I would never forget my easy one. The thing that keeps me alive. I definitely talk to you know, Jen Gunter, she’s like the internet, most in crushes and a gynecologist from San Francisco, who happens to be Canadian.
Sarah Silverman 43:24
And her name is Gantt?
Samantha Bee 43:26
Jen, it is Gantt, Gunther, Jen Gunther, she’s amazing. And she gave me great advice. She was like, and I’m going to share that. She was like, basically what happens is your brain, she was like, think of menopause as an opportunity to create fresh new neural pathways. Because now that your body is in a new phase, it’s not trying to start trying to keep fertility going. It’s not keeping those things at the forefront of your body’s energy output, you know what I mean? So now you have space, it actually is a freeing place for your brain to go, what do I want to learn next, I can let go of all this stuff, give me something new. So I was like, alright, I’m gonna take that on board. It’s a great time to slowly very slowly learn a language, new skill, very slowly, can’t do it fast, that’s different.
Sarah Silverman 44:33
But are you doing like I almost said Dua Lipa, are you doing like Duolingo or one of those?
Samantha Bee 44:43
I am, and I’m actually I’m signed up for, like language classes. I’m like, I have to create a new something. I need to keep it you got to keep it alive, but it’s going to let go of a lot of stuff that it doesn’t need anymore, and I think that’s okay.
Sarah Silverman 45:00
Imma yeah, that’s very exciting learning new things is crucial, and we’re, we think we’ve been told this is the end. And it’s like, I know that sounds corny, it really is a moot it’s the beginning but it’s like it really depends on how you view it but like, this is kind of like the like, alright, now I can do anything. You know, I mean, you when do your kids a split ski? What are they on their own? What are they like drive?
Samantha Bee 45:31
Next year, I have my daughter’s going she’s gonna be in college in September. So we’re like, so my first one so now it begins like the college years are beginning, so I am it’s like a period where you go, I gotta figure out, like outside of career shit, which like, whatever. I don’t care about this anymore at all. Actually, don’t I’m like, who am what, what’s going on? What’s going on here? Well, isn’t that like, kind of a pool party strike.
Sarah Silverman 46:01
Was interesting in that way because we all kind of were like, we’re worried and I were just kind of like, who are we without these things? We should know like, like that our identity should not be totally tied to brain or our jobs. You know, like, but it’s so is you know, it’s good when you have a little love.
Samantha Bee 46:28
It’s good, it’s scary but it is actually it is actually great to my. Who am I? Just like, whatever Charlie Sheen in Wall Street, he goes out on the balcony and he goes, who am I? But seriously.
Sarah Silverman 46:44
I think it was John Bel John.
Samantha Bee 46:46
John, who from limits, name his name is […]
Sarah Silverman 46:55
Samantha Bee 46:57
Do I do a Les Paul lingo, it’s a different language. It’s a sexy language and I love it. This was such a pleasure talking to.
Sarah Silverman 47:06
Samantha Bee 47:08
The thoroughly enjoyed it.
Sarah Silverman 47:10
Just did I.
Samantha Bee 47:12
Oh, I’m so happy to be your podcast sister.
Sarah Silverman 47:16
Yes, whatever we are related. Lemonada sisters.
Samantha Bee 47:20
Lemonada sisters, and thank you for doing this.
Sarah Silverman 47:25
You’re welcome, I adore you.
Samantha Bee 47:27
I adore you.
Samantha Bee 47:36
That was Sarah Silverman and I had no choice but to look up one thing. Clearly getting advice is so important that people love advice shows like Sarah’s and advice columns. But when did that all start? Well, most people believe that the first advice column appeared in the Athenian mercury in 1690. I wonder if they have a podcast? I mean, probably they do. And as always, there’s good news, there’s more Choice Words with Lemonada premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like a special outtake from this very interview. And as we continue in our quest to make better choices in 2024, please be sure you come back next week to hear from the incredible Chef TV host podcaster and cookbook author Sameen Nostra, she is going to talk to us all about the choices we make around food which is good because I could eat subscribe now in Apple podcasts.
Thank you for listening to Choice Words which was created by and is hosted by me. We’re a production of Lemonada Media, Kathyrn Barnes, […] and Kryssy Pease produce our show. Our mix is by James Barber. Steve Nelson is the vice president of weekly content. Jessica Cordova Kramer, Stephanie Wittles Wachs and I are executive producers. Our theme was composed by […] with help from Johnny Vince Evans . Special thanks to Kristen Everman, Claire Jones, Ivan Kuraev and Rachel Neil. You can find me at @Iamsambee on Twitter and at @realsambee on Instagram. Follow Choice Words wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.