Deranged and Unhinged: Our Favorite Moments of 2021

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Deranged and Unhinged: Our Favorite Moments of 2021

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Description

For our final episode of 2021, we are replaying some of our favorite moments of the year. The deranged, weird, unplanned and authentic moments that really showcase Ku and Su. We focus on three topics, specifically: Su unveiling her weirdness, Kulap revealing all that is Scott Aukerman, and Kulap influencing SuChin to make dirty jokes. We hope this episode helps you laugh into a new year.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Casey Rose Wilson, Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Claire Jones

Kulap Vilaysack 00:10

Hello and welcome to another episode of ADD TO CART. A show about the things we buy and buy into. I am Kulap Vilaysack.

SuChin Pak

I’m SuChin Pak. Now for this week’s show, we are playing back the moments in the show where Ku and I have discovered something about ourselves and of course each other and what a delightful tray of absolutely deranged moments they truly are and chaotic. And I think we can add those adjectives throughout. But before we get into all of it, please don’t forget we have our first ever live show. We’re just putting it together. It’s just going to be delicious and fun. It’s coming up January 21st. In San Francisco at Gateway theatre at 10:30PM. Put it in your calendars, tickets are available on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. The link is in the bio. You can also buy tickets at sfsketchfest.com. We can’t wait to see you all there.

Kulap Vilaysack

Now, most of these moments have been very accidental as our most moments on our podcast. Let’s be honest. So producer Claire was the one who chose most of the final moments in here. Let’s have Claire get on mic and tell us like what she has to say about them.

SuChin Pak

Yeah, Claire, tell us.

Claire Jones

Okay, so these are the moments that have derailed our show plans the most, and yet also made the show way better. These are the moments that signify that the show is hosted by Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak and absolutely no one else. These moments are coup ensue outside of what they buy, I would say. And it’s not necessarily them in their raw form, but definitely them in their truest form. We have a lot of heartfelt moments. I do showcase that as well. But for this episode, I wanted to leave everyone with the laughing kinds of tears. So without further ado,

SuChin Pak 02:00

Weird Su

Kulap Vilaysack

There have been so many moments where I’ve learned something about SuChin that has left me I don’t know exasperated, shocked or hysterical. So we’re going to start off this first section with those moments, the wonderful moments that reveal how very strange our sweet sweet SuChin is. We start of course with the Yerba Ma Tei.

SuChin Pak

Have I ever had a full can uncut of this Yerba Mate Sparkling?

Kulap Vilaysack

Have you?

SuChin Pak

No. Maybe this Christmas 2020. It won’t be like other Christmases. I will treat myself. But I have yet to have an entire can. Now I want to say for those of you curious, there are many flavors and I say the grapefruit ginger once again, because it’s the only one that’s actually less sugar. All the rest of them have so much sugar. I’ve never even tasted them.

Kulap Vilaysack

Then came the time she revealed that she didn’t own any sneakers or workout clothes.

SuChin Pak

I don’t own one workout piece of clothing. I don’t own a sneaker like I own a pair of Converse.

Kulap Vilaysack

Hold on. Not a Lululemon. Not a Nike?

SuChin Pak

No.

Kulap Vilaysack

Wow. Wow.

SuChin Pak

No. And I don’t own a pair of sneakers. I mean, Converse. Like I said Converse high tops cream. That’s my jam. Fine. I don’t have running shoes. Okay, but I didn’t know that revealing my choice of swimwear was going to be this controversial. I don’t know.

Kulap Vilaysack

And I don’t know why you didn’t think that it was going to be. And I’m still like forcing myself to imagine you on workout gear and I cannot do it. Even like a paper doll. It’s like the little things keep coming off. Like in my imagination. I cannot get you in a sports bra. It’s crazy.

SuChin Pak 04:14

No, it really. I generally don’t own bathing suits or any type of workout clothes like those. You’re going to the beach. I have a pool. And I’ve swam in it in my bra and my underwear. And you know, I like a big underwear. So it’s not like I’m taking my clothes off. And it’s like, oh, mom, inappropriate. It’s fully very appropriate.

Kulap Vilaysack

These are lazy things.

SuChin Pak

No, these are akin to biker shorts with the highest highest technological thread, as you know, wick away moisture wicking away technology. And generally my bras are of the same ilk.

Kulap Vilaysack

Quote, big underwear, she said, biker shorts. All this foreshadowing for the great underwear reveal with dear Casey Wilson.

Casey Rose Wilson

And I’m telling you it’s a smoothest thong you ever did feel?

Kulap Vilaysack

Where are you wearing thongs to at this time in this?

Casey Rose Wilson

Every day.

Casey Rose Wilson

Every day?

Kulap Vilaysack

You guys are wearing a full body panty?

SuChin Pak

I got what you would probably call a biker short on all times. It goes from underboob to just mid-thigh. Doesn’t have any technology and it’s just like a cotton underwear. I like a full bottom. Is that just me?

Casey Rose Wilson

Would you send me a link to that later down the line? I just want to see what you’re talking about now I wear a full bodied bottomed humungous undie for bed that like comes out. It’s so huge. It just makes me feel so thin and good. And they’re nude colored. They’re disgusting. And I love that for nighttime.

SuChin Pak 06:12

But it just got crazier from there.

Kulap Vilaysack

Claire just shared that she doesn’t wear underwear.

SuChin Pak

Who? Claire?

SuChin Pak

Wait, hold on. Wait, wait. Okay, hold on. Did I miss something? Where under you don’t wear underwear when? You shower? You don’t have underwear on right now. Are we recording? Because I need to understand this. Get on like, our producer Claire just shared to us. After our conversation, hilarious conversation about Hanky Panky with Casey, that she doesn’t wear any underwear ever. Now, what the fuck? Like when did this start?

Claire Jones

This is a recent decision.

SuChin Pak

Even better, that’s even better because it’s completely deranged. And you stop. You stop doing it because you just were like, who cares? I’m not going anywhere.

Kulap Vilaysack

She’s uncomfortable.

SuChin Pak

Underwear. Underwear is uncomfortable?

Kulap Vilaysack

Sounds like she’s gonna have to process for a little bit and come back to you.

SuChin Pak

Okay, okay. Okay, because I’m trying to think about what first of all, I probably change my underwear no less than four times a day. Four on average.

Kulap Vilaysack

Okay, what are you talking about?

SuChin Pak

Wait, how many times do you change your underwear?

Claire Jones

Zero. Our whole show plan is getting tossed out the window right now.

SuChin Pak 08:09

Why do I change my underwear four times. Yeah, I mean, like three or four times? Yeah. I mean, you change your socks when you go to bed, correct?

Kulap Vilaysack

I’m not wearing socks to bed? Are you wearing socks to bed.

SuChin Pak

I changed my socks. At least two if I’m out a lot three times a day. I changed my sock. I’d like to have a clean pair of socks and a clean pair of underwear when I go to bed when I wake up. I like to take all of that off and I like to put my daytime socks on. new pair of underwear.

Kulap Vilaysack

Okay, so with more episodes came more clothing reveals from SuChin. She left us little breadcrumbs, including her entire sleeping outfit. The great thing was she was like we would get a little piece and then we’d pull back a little bit to see the forest for the trees. And by the time we reached our sleep routine episode, I had to make sure all of our audience knew what she was wearing every night to bed. Little did I know the exact reasoning behind it. There’s always a reason.

Kulap Vilaysack

All right, so SuChin, yeah. Talk to me about what you’re wearing. Go through it again, because we want to have new listeners. And you shan’t rob them of this experience.

SuChin Pak

Layer one. Well, first, we all know we got to get in clean undies. Okay, and we got to get in clean socks. And I have experimented with many socks. You know those fuzzy socks, you know that people wear, that was my thing. I realized I was like my feet are very..

Kulap Vilaysack 10:11

It hit you that this was what this episode is going to be. It struck you like a lightning bolt.

SuChin Pak

My feet there like is there such a thing as a draft probe? Like, almost like a, almost like I picture like a metal stick that you could wave around, and it would alert you if..

Kulap Vilaysack

Like a weather vane felt like a weather rain that spins when a tornado was coming?

SuChin Pak

And I for some reason, I think of like a Ghostbusters. You know, just like a metal wand that goes around and detects drafts. I have really fucking sensitive feet. Like my feet are the ones that will tell me, ma’am, there’s a draft in here and the rest of my body will be like, no, there’s no draft. We’ve shut down the events. We’ve closed the doors, everything. And my feet will be like no, there’s a draft and they’re never wrong.

Kulap Vilaysack

So your feet, if I may is like the canary in a coal mine.

SuChin Pak

That’s right. So I discovered after some time, I’ve realized that those socks, the knits too loose. It’s a loose knit. And at first when you first get them, they’re kind of tight. But over a few washings that knit gets really loose.

Kulap Vilaysack

This isn’t for performance. This is a casual fabric. It’s meant to be worn leisurely.

SuChin Pak

That’s right. These ladies were not made for this job. So I have discovered these hiking socks and I buy them in bulk.

Kulap Vilaysack 12:04

These are from the brand Dickies work wear brand Dickies or what Gwen Stefani would wear in the 90s these are Dickies women’s dry tack advanced moisture wicking crew socks, and SuChin called them hiking, they’re hiking socks that she shall wearing in bed. Something I always love is the passion and with SuChin approaches her dental hygiene.

SuChin Pak

Let me finish. I do, I really do. I love your passion.

Kulap Vilaysack

And then after our guests, Caissie St.Onge, she came on she was the one who started it all. And what I’m talking about is Dr. Tung’s, glass teeth movement here on the pod.

SuChin Pak

The game changer. Okay. Okay, listen. babies, babies babies. Shush. Quiet. Everybody be quiet for a little bit. This is a game changer. Okay. We have a few game changers on this podcast. This will go on that very short list.

Kulap Vilaysack

Do you feel because normally I know your schedule now enough. You’re gonna be wanting to do a second brush. After this podcast. Do you feel like you have to do a second brush?

SuChin Pak

Listen, I always feel like I have to do a brush. And now I’m going to go in with my manual Oral-B, […] only because I’m afraid of this science. I am afraid that I will have small invisible holes in my teeth. And there’s like some sort of degradation happening to the enamel of my teeth. And my dentist is going to be what have you been doing? But I’m telling you right now, if the science is the science and it is what it is, and it does what it does, this is and I you know what? I talked about it the other day; I was out with some friends. And all I wanted to do was talk about the toothbrush. And I talked about this toothbrush to my dear friends Evan and Lynette who just sat there, like just so tempted to be scrolling on their phones as I was trying to tell them about my toothbrush, they just couldn’t be more bored. And now I have to send them this toothbrush.

SuChin Pak 14:14

And her overall hygiene.

SuChin Pak

I do the coconut oil. I put it on my feet and then I put a petroleum jelly like substance. It’s an unpatrolled Ium jelly. You can pick any one you want. And what that does is it seals the moisture. And then I put on this gel sock over my foot.

Kulap Vilaysack

I love when you laugh at me and then, wait, so I guess I thought that the water being off, that wasn’t the end of the shower.

SuChin Pak

No, it’s not. So now I’m in a bathrobe. I got my face. I got my face tight. I got my face, you know, creamy. And now my feet are in these beautiful gel socks. I still have the conditioner in my hair. So I have one of those showers that you can remove. And I do the rinse of my hair. I’m doing the wand and I do that and then I brought my hair.

Kulap Vilaysack

Now I’m understanding blowing my mind that we are wanting at the end.

SuChin Pak

We’re wanding at the end. We’re going back in the shower, but the shower is not over now.

Kulap Vilaysack 16:04

Su, we’re dried off and out of the shower now.

SuChin Pak

Don’t we feel fresh and clean? Not really but I’m glad we’re out of there. barely made it out.

Kulap Vilaysack

SuChin Pak. You know, I put it on me. I put it on me. I heard you talk about the state of your desk. I saw photos. We shared photos of the state at your desk. Why I didn’t automatically know what the state of your car would be. But you filled us in.

SuChin Pak

For 12 days minimum I had no idea where my keys were in the car because I was starting the car. And I was like the car starting I know it’s in the car. But my car is a garbage can. It’s a garbage can.

Kulap Vilaysack

That it cannot help

SuChin Pak 16:49

Knee high in trash. And when I mean trash, I mean my children’s junk. My thing is, is that I can be the knee-deep trash car lady. If I surround myself with people who are saddle brown keychain people, do you see what I’m saying? Like, you allow me to be this? Because I know that just by proxy. I am near the saddle brown. Do you understand what I’m saying? It’s highbrow lowbrow fashion, which most of the people in my life are like you. And that’s not a coincidence. That is by design. Because when I go on a girls trip to Palm Springs with my two beautiful friends who are head to toe in silks and kaftans and turbans. And I’m wearing Amazon, Jr. Sweatpants that they, what does Amazon Jr? You can buy sweatpants if you’re my size. Okay, in the juniors department an extra-large and it’s fine. They ride up a little but what I do is I pull up my black socks to meet and match the bottom of it. And I can dress like that because I’m surrounded by luxury. So when I go into a store they say oh, she’s the eclectic one. She’s not the trash woman. Do you know what I’m saying? I again you guys are all my ponds.

Kulap Vilaysack 18:40

That was gymnastics which you just did.

SuChin Pak

Okay, so thank goodness we are moving on from the abyss of my weirdness. My messiness now we move on to my favorite topic with dear Ku, we have heard from listeners and past guests, you know the people have spoken. And one of the characters on this podcast that brings such joy to us is who we’re talking about next. Now Kulap, may be talking about him most likely against his will. Yes, definitely, against his knowledge. Sometimes I go on willingly, but I’m so glad I always go for the ride. I’m talking about Ku’s dreamboat. Mr. Scott Aukerman.

Kulap Vilaysack

Mr. Scoot. I think one of the first intros that our audience had to my sweet, sweet, Scotty boy was when he induced a tantrum in me during the holidays of 2020. Well, husband tries to make it better and that’s where he went wrong. That’s where he goes wrong.

SuChin Pak 20:00

Classic, classic failure. Yeah, yeah, don’t do that.

Kulap Vilaysack

I’m feeling bad. He’s like, it’s not that bad. I’m like, ooh, boy.

SuChin Pak

I’m swinging hard. Stand up straight, my man, you’re tall.

Kulap Vilaysack

It’s unwise. Well, if he’s sitting down, and I’m already pacing, and that’s what he throws at me, he’s just asking for it is what I’m saying.

SuChin Pak

He says, well, it’s not going to be that bad.

Kulap Vilaysack

I think I just, I was watching all the news and reading on the news and seeing the numbers and how little hospital beds and looking at the map, went from the election map, to COVID map where everything saved for Maine is a deep, bloody red. And Chris Hayes is talking about Thanksgiving and how nobody can see each other. And I just get up and I say to Scott, and I say it like this with this energy with balled up fist and I say, I’m a social person, and this is hard. And he goes, it’s okay, that’s where he went wrong. And they go, we’re in the middle of it. And he goes, it’s not the middle. I was like.. That is actually a very accurate reenactment.

SuChin Pak

Now I understand what happened after that.

Kulap Vilaysack

Luckily, by Christmas, we made up and I was ready to buy him extremely special gifts to get me through the holiday pain. Are you familiar with the brand me undies? Have you heard of them?

SuChin Pak

What is that? Underwear?

Kulap Vilaysack

Yeah. They have a service. How do you put it? It’s called match me. It’s where I can purchase and I have, SuChin’s already laughing. I get matching underwear for me and Scott. Now, you’re like, Kulap, you did this last week? I sure did. Have you done it before? Yes, I have.

SuChin Pak

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How does he feel about it?

Kulap Vilaysack 22:15

He loves it.

SuChin Pak

And do you get it in? Like, what? Like different colors and fabrics?

Kulap Vilaysack

What do you need to know right now? Because I’ll show you. I got it. He was uncertain about it at first, like a lot of things. Again, I said over and over. He doesn’t understand my lifestyle, but it’s tolerance. And the things that I do there are many, there are many be it crystals, be it Christmas and summer, be it Me Undies and the service again is called Match Me. It’s where you match you’re the bottom half to your better half. And you know, obviously you’re only gonna do this with somebody special. And you know what’s coming is at the very end is I’m going to propose that you and I have matching underwear. So just think about it.

SuChin Pak

Listen, I’ll wear those boxers. You know, I love a full coverage. You know what I mean? I like my underwear to go all the way up to the base of my boobs. Right down to the tops of my knees. You know what I mean?

Kulap Vilaysack

There’s so many different styles, SuChin. There’s so many.

SuChin Pak

I have so many questions and you do this because it makes you feel?

Kulap Vilaysack

You know, it’s just a little lift when you’re like, oh my God. We didn’t plan this, but we’re both wearing Wonder Woman panties.

SuChin Pak

No, I don’t want to get into intimate details of our lives. Let’s do it. But I can’t tell you what year it was that I last saw my husband in his underwear. Are you telling me that you often see your husband in..

Kulap Vilaysack 24:02

Every day. And I’d like to see more of it. I love that little tickets. I’m all hands on that deck. All hands, for the moment I wake up to the moment he tries to go to bed. I am all about that ass. Are you okay? You’re so far from the mic. We can’t hear your silent screams, SuChin is screaming silently to the heavens.

Kulap Vilaysack

Now if I remember correctly, Ku, he did give you a Christmas gift that was equally as endearing and comical.

Kulap Vilaysack

Yes, yes he did.

Kulap Vilaysack

We kind of said no gifts this year. And so he got me just some fun random gifts and the last one finally came this week. Is a pair of socks. He says this finally came in. I’m like, okay, cool. Just nice grey socks, but on the bottom of it, embroidered in black or printed in black is one foot says, I did not fart. And the other foot says, my butt was blowing you a kiss.

SuChin Pak

I saw. I saw you post that. And I was like, you see? They’re in love. Look at this.

Kulap Vilaysack

is wild. Like I’ve been with my husband since I was 19 years old. And I’m 41 It’s such a yeah, this relationship. It’s something that I’m the most proud of and is truly like my satellite, you know, my space station. And like, I love him so much, but sometimes he drives me so crazy. Scott still buys fucking CDs. Compact Disc.

SuChin Pak 26:08

For whom?

Kulap Vilaysack

Scott David Aukerman.

SuChin Pak

There’s a device. Like there’s this you can get CD players now like is he still using a vintage CD player from.

Kulap Vilaysack

No, what he does is he puts it in his computer and it goes into a hard drive and he has playlist and then the CD in so many ways serves as a backup right? And we have 1000s of CDs in a storage unit gathering dust. What’s really hard for me is of course I want to clear that out and sell it but multiple times there has been a failure in his tech where he would have to put it back in all the time. Like things have happened, disasters have happened with hard drives that necessitate his need to retain these devices and CDs and so just to talk about some that have come in so far, so we can really talk about it which is one is the experiment by Mandy Patinkin, you know the Broadway star home star of homelands? Mandy Patinkin who doesn’t love Mandy Patinkin, I sure do, Scott was like hey, oh yeah, I heard a song by Mandy Patinkin. Oh yeah, I don’t have all of his oeuvre.

SuChin Pak

Mandy Patinkin is a musical..

Kulap Vilaysack

I think original music.

SuChin Pak

Of what? Of like monologues or music?

Kulap Vilaysack

it’s not my CD, SuChin. I didn’t buy it.

SuChin Pak

Track one, as time goes by, track two I’m old fashioned.

Kulap Vilaysack 28:05

Fundamental things this time Scott has a body pillow that you know exclusive to our listeners. I call his Binky. He doesn’t call it that. You’re familiar with the crocs, right? Those shoes.

SuChin Pak

I am familiar with those things.

Kulap Vilaysack 28:31

They’re ugly. Do you agree?

SuChin Pak

Yeah, I mean, I don’t. A rounded toe is really hard for me to accept. So Croc is an exaggerated rounded toe and I cannot abide.

Kulap Vilaysack

He has purchased crocs for himself. And he did it to, unsupervised, he’s a man of many podcasts. One of his podcasts, is Threedom with Lauren Lapkus and Paul Tompkins and I guess they all decided to buy crocs together. And you go okay, that’s fun. I believe he’s the only one who wears them all the time.

SuChin Pak

I guess they’re comfortable?

Kulap Vilaysack

They’re comfortable. Sure. And they’re warm because he got ones that have, there’s some warmth inside of it. Some sort of it’s not it’s that plastic on the inside. It’s got some sort of lining. He has lined up crocs. So crocs, they have charms which I didn’t know till this year, that you put in the hole, SuChin. And those terms are called jibbitz. And so over the holidays, what I put upon myself was to buy little charms and they become the charm fairy that would just put it in his crocs and he would awaken to, various charms. The first one I got for him was a sushi roll.

SuChin Pak 30:00

By the way, really cute. Wait a minute. I’m into this. I thought those holes were for some like sanitary reason. Well, this is cute.

Kulap Vilaysack

It’s how I am accepting his life choice.

SuChin Pak

Alright, wait, I just have to interrupt here for a moment. We were just talking about earlier in their show how you think what I sleep in is insane

Kulap Vilaysack

Derange, unhinged. Go ahead.

SuChin Pak

Well, when would you reveal to me what you slept in? I still can’t get over the visual. I’ve seen this […] is it like that cotton that’s like so soft? And it’s like almost jersey.

Kulap Vilaysack

That’s 100% right?

SuChin Pak

Oh my goodness. And you like a short you’re just your knees are out

Kulap Vilaysack

Everything’s out. And if not the short set, it’s going to be like almost like a you know, a cotton mini dress. I’m not covering the legs. Unless it’s the winter. You’re already sweaty and I can tell. Speaking of sweating. I want the temperature in our room to be like 75, Okay, but my husband needs a cooler. Because he runs hot when he sleeps.

SuChin Pak

Yeah, well, he’s very tall, tall gentlemen.

Kulap Vilaysack

He’s 6’2. He sets the nest to heat at 67 and cool at 71, it’s very cold. And he does run hot.

SuChin Pak

Well, especially next to a cotton mini.

Kulap Vilaysack

And you know, Scott’s very private. You know, he’s not talking about our sex life.

SuChin Pak 32:02

Is it? I missed that on his last four podcasts.

Kulap Vilaysack

In our podcast. SuChin, doesn’t talk about my sex life. I talk about my sex life. That’s our balance on ADD TO CART. And just to throw in that Scott never talks about our sex life. And he’s the other person I’m having sex with. I’m having sex with myself. And I’m gonna have sex with Scott. I digress. Where am I going? Okay, so Scott?

SuChin Pak

He went from martyr until like, I don’t know, what you know it just in a flash of a moment. Anyway, we hold multitudes as my friend Kulap once told me, we hold multitudes. And truly Ku leaves no stone unturned she lays it all bear here before us. Lucky Carter’s

Kulap Vilaysack

Well, another item that I’ve added to cart is the Pillo.

SuChin Pak

I have that too.

Kulap Vilaysack

Pillo, and sub title is pillow for sex. And SuChin it has spiced up my love life. I’m not saying names, he that shall not be named, really gave it to me on that Pillo. Now even before we started on this journey, I’ve been pretty comfortable talking about sex and well, frankly making lots of dirty jokes. And I am proud to say that SuChin Pak has taken quite a liking to such debauchery.

SuChin Pak 34:16

We’ve talked about glass teeth. What do we mean by that texture? We mean that it’s smooth that it’s porcelain like there’s a finish to it. That is durable, yet also delicate. Okay, glass teeth. All right?

Kulap Vilaysack

Well, I don’t. Let’s break it up. I don’t think anyone wants to hear that their teeth are delicate.

SuChin Pak

Well, sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Delicate, not in strength, but perhaps in texture. You know, just in the finish refined, refined. That’s really what I’m looking for, that smooth squared in the end, you know?

Kulap Vilaysack

Yu have become so disgusting because of my influence, and it’s a joy to watch and to act. experience what I really am liking it it’s not just with words but it’s gestures which our listeners are really missing out.

SuChin Pak

I’m trying new things out and I’m having fun. It’s just this time with you two hours a week. I just let my, I put my fun cape on you know I just tie it around, I tie it around like top button. And I say have fun. Remember to have fun, but I want to say let’s not forget it was not always this way.

Kulap Vilaysack

Oh, I know. I want to first talk about the arousal serum, SuChin.

SuChin Pak

Do it now while I’m only at half capacity, so I can’t fight back. You don’t even have to hold me down. You can just spray this all over me. What is it?

Kulap Vilaysack 36:06

SuChin, it’s a one-ounce bottle. It’s 30 bucks. It is a pH bounce formula. Natural ingredients. You love natural ingredients. And it awakens your clitoris.

SuChin Pak

Oh right. That’s enough.

Kulap Vilaysack

A warm tingle and I can attest it is a warm tingle, SuChin.

SuChin Pak

By the way, Georgia or I don’t who it is, Molly which one of your babies is either a testing or protesting I’m not sure.

Kulap Vilaysack

SuChin, One pump heightens awareness. It stirs the nerve endings. To what end SuChin? To increase pleasure. We gotta be serious, big girl pants now. It’s good. I’ve done it without my partner. I’ve done it with my partner and guys. I give it all my fingers.

SuChin Pak

I’m in my fever cycle. You guys stop. Okay. Okay, all right. I got my big girl pants on.

Kulap Vilaysack

You know, I don’t have to just be talking about serums okay, I could be talking about Mother’s Day.

SuChin Pak

I mean, this is just so wrong. You don’t like

Kulap Vilaysack

How I say mommy, but do you like how I say daddy? I wan’t give a kiss for daddy.

SuChin Pak 38:04

Stop. We’re not even talking about that.

Kulap Vilaysack

Now SuChin, I know what you’re wondering. What are you getting your mommy? Is that what you were thinking?

SuChin Pak

How did you say at the top?

Kulap Vilaysack

[…]

SuChin Pak

Okay, what are you getting your mother?

Kulap Vilaysack

The thing is, SuChin, we spent a lot of time together two hours once a week. You know I’m wearing a lot of socks and now you’re getting into the fun. It is the thickest Herringbone chain I’ve ever seen.

SuChin Pak

Which is why you needed to.

Kulap Vilaysack

That’s right. THICC.

SuChin Pak

I’m here but I’m scared.

Kulap Vilaysack

THICC.

SuChin Pak

Oh is it Majandra polska que busca, kielbasa.

Kulap Vilaysack

They Thicc, MIDI, Gourmet.

SuChin Pak

Okay, we can do this all day long. But the fact of the matter does

Kulap Vilaysack

I’m so sorry. The fact of the matter is what?

SuChin Pak

A fact of the matter is, is you’re talking about necklaces.

Kulap Vilaysack

Oh sorry. That’s right.

SuChin Pak

And from that point on, I figured you know why hold anything back? It just uses more work for me he nice just give in. But in the morning or maybe around lunchtime, you just want a quickie. And this is what you want. You want an Oral-B cross action all manual toothbrush.

Kulap Vilaysack 40:13

SuChin’s afternoon delight, when you just want a quickie.

SuChin Pak

After I brush with this thing I am ready to go. You know how much I love to sit in my sauna? Just did that before I sat down with you here today. And man, I’m going to get into this Kaia jungle firming oil. That’s what it says. I’m gonna oil my jungle in there.

Kulap Vilaysack

Tip to tail. That’s ADD TO CART’s promise to you.

SuChin Pak

From tip to tail, from tongue to bung.

Kulap Vilaysack

Oh my god. Okay, that is because you’ve been spending too much time with me and I will own that. And I know that’s why, I know. And I’m a little disturbed but I’m also like, really proud.

SuChin Pak

Oh my god. I learned from the best, you know what I mean, I like to take master classes.

Kulap Vilaysack

It is the serene clean chemistry. AHA serum deodorant serum. For the pits, Su, you love a serum.

SuChin Pak

Oh, you squeeze it.

Kulap Vilaysack

It’s just like a roll. It’s just a roller.

SuChin Pak

But you pinch from the bottom.

Kulap Vilaysack

You don’t even need to pinch. It’s just ready to go just like me. Ready to go. Moist.

SuChin Pak

Now. How did you hear about this? You guys. I tried to move it along. I try but these two fools. These two. Did you see I tried. You tossed that ball and I dodged it and I tried to move us forward.

Kulap Vilaysack

But some balls are sticky.

SuChin Pak 42:03

You see, you guys see? This is what happens.

Kulap Vilaysack

But oh how the roads go two ways. What I realize now is that I ran through that battery of things that I do but I’m making sure that the stuff is soaking into my skin. So by the end of it by the time I’ve put that last step in it’s not that I’m goofy at all. It’s already pretty much a seeped in so do not do not worry I shan’t be dripping upon my sheets.

SuChin Pak

Not from the top, I just keep picturing you in that mini dress.

Kulap Vilaysack

Well I don’t, if I’m, please be appropriate.

SuChin Pak

That’s Scott talking to you, by the way you’re channeling Scott.

Kulap Vilaysack

Please be appropriate.

SuChin Pak

Okay, okay. We’re gonna get back.

Kulap Vilaysack

You’re right. And you’re being a good friend.

SuChin Pak

Because I opened the door and I said no, bad friend. Good friend closed door. Door is closed. Well, that’s it for this show. Oh, my goodness reliving that was delightful and frightening. You know? Both. We want to say of course, you guys add to cart our live show. You can see all these moments. Play out right in front of you at the sfsketchfest January 21st. At 10:30PM Gateway theater the tickets are on sale. Now. You can go to the link in our bio at @AddToCartPod or go to add sfsketchfest.com for all the tickets.

Kulap Vilaysack

Now, Su, true or false? You will be doing a live demo of your sleepwear.

SuChin Pak

True, maybe even perhaps swimwear, because sometimes they’re the same thing. We love you all.

SuChin Pak

We love you all.

Kulap Vilaysack

Have a safe and happy new year. And leave us a voicemail of your favorite ADD TO CART moments at 833-453-6662.

CREDITS

ADD TO CART is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producer is Claire Jones and our mix is by Ivan Kuraev and Veronica Rodriguez. The music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers are Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Also, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcast.