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Sarah found a new home for her podcast at Lemonada Media! She’s back with silly stories, deep insights, and off-the-cuff reactions to your questions. This week, she explains the reasons behind her summer hiatus and offers her expert opinion on pulling pubic hair, cashing in your wife’s 15-year-old hall pass, and binging the Golden Bachelor.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

James, Speaker 7, Andrea, Jen, Speaker 3, Speaker 4, Sarah Silverman, Speaker 6

Sarah Silverman  00:14

Hi everybody, it’s your old pal Sarah Silverman. I’m in a new studio I’m in a new world I’m with a new company. And that’s why I’ve been gone so long because the company I was with disappeared in the night and I was kind of left with let’s just say they owed me a lot of money and a lot of people a lot of money and they just kind of disappeared and I said well, but we have a contract. Contracts are for the talent. The other people can do whatever they find they want nothing’s gonna happen to them. They I am not litigious. Oh, although I am in a lawsuit which we’ll talk about later but I’m maybe a blessing in disguise because now I’m here at limonada so far so good, loving it. And I get to work with a lot of great people including my friend Stephanie whittles wax, who is Sister of My very good friend Harris whittles who passed away. And, boy, if you want to read something like in one sitting, I would say Stephanie’s book. Everything is horrible and wonderful, which is all about Harris. Boy, that is a I I’m a slow reader. And I sat down and I started it. And then the next thing I knew I finished it. She is not a sponsor. She’s just my producer. And she’s probably very embarrassed right now. But boy, oh boy. That’s something so now I’m with laminata which is like a massive pussy party. And then a couple sausages. And I’m liking it. I’m liking it a lot. So let’s get right into it and and take some voicemails you left me a message.

 

Jen  02:26

Hey, Sarah, this is Jen from Massachusetts. And a big fan of yours since the 90s to your how but gosh, you’re just funnier and more beautiful every year. And braver to gosh, I just enjoy your podcast so much. But I have a really big doozy for you. I just got my knocked back on my heels hair. I’m 53 years old, been married with my husband for 23 years. We are extraordinarily happy. We have a great marriage never been better. Everything’s great. And night, he reminded me about a hall pass I had offered him 15 years ago. See, I am also the only woman he’s ever been with. or been in love with. And all that stuff. So I don’t know. He’s considering this hall pass thing offered me one back. I didn’t want it has offered to talk to a therapist first. And apparently would he would think about going with like a very high end. Escort I guess. I don’t know, Sarah, what would you do? I don’t know what to do like that saying no, but I don’t want to be selfish either. Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:44

Ah, ah, oh, my god, I can’t answer this for you. How do you feel about it? I think I think an escort is definitely the way to go if you do it. Because the of course the risk in these kind of things is developing feelings. Having feelings for the hall pass II or vice versa. That would be obviously the the risk and of course your feelings. By putting never having had sex with anyone else before a permanent partner is just unfortunate. I mean, it’s beautiful. I’m sure you must have met very young and you fell in love and you just found your person early. But you know, life experience, it’s you you I can understand you wanting this for him in a way. Like there’s a piece of you that wants this for him I think you know, but you you have feelings of what fear of of the sex being better maybe in with in some way with the other woman or or him being more turned on. I mean, he might be just in because it’s new because it’s strange as they Say, you know, or maybe you’re afraid of him becoming more curious about others once he’s kind of Once the seal has been broken, all of it understandable. You know, I really can’t answer this question for you because I am not inside your gut. But if you say, Okay, go for it. Maybe think of some ground rules that will make you feel kind of safer about it, I have a feeling you’re a little bit in the driver’s seat of this relationship. This is just a guess. So, you know, it’s hard for this to be only your decision, obviously, he has to be a part of it too. But it looks like he wants to do it. Maybe it helps if you’re in on it, you know, like in on the planning of it. I think definitely a professional is smart. Maybe you want to be there. Maybe you very much don’t want to be there. I don’t know, I guess. Just figure out a scenario that that you’d be comfortable with. And good luck and definitely call in after. And let me know how it goes. Good luck. What else?

 

Speaker 3  06:10

First question. I’m wondering if you pull out your pubes in the shower like I do. Because every time I take a shower, I’ve got some loose ones. And it’s sort of part of the necessary thing to be done with the shower. I got to pull the loose pubes out of my bush. And I always wonder when I’m doing it, if you do too. And oh, God, I hope I’m not bothering you with my mouth noises right now. And if I am I’m sorry. And thank you for listening Anyways, if you are not amazing. Have you ever met someone who’s been abducted by aliens? And did you believe them? Was it based on character or their story? Because I know someone who’s told me that they were abducted and I just don’t know what to believe. Because it’s not like I don’t believe in aliens. I just I’m not sure if I believe in them. Anyways, I love you have a great day. Bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  07:09

I don’t know how to handle this. I of course don’t want to shame you. I have not experienced loose hair. In my, my bush. There are no hairs in my bush that are loose. i The idea of pulling out. I’m not gonna lie I did. I have pulled out one pubic hair where I had like a white wire. That was long. And it I it but it hurt. It’s like pulling. You know what it’s like? It’s like, if you pulled out a hair from your nose and it makes your eyes cry. I mean, it’s got to be similar to that. But it seems very. You talk about it like it’s very run of the mill. So I think your experience is different than mine. I’ve never loose pubic hair. You know what, actually, that makes sense. Maybe if you’re maybe you’re a little you sound young, but I do know at some point. If my mother’s vagina is any example, your your your pubes do fall out, I think. I mean, my mother, may she rest in peace. I have glad I’ve seen her vagina as a full Bush like a full 70s Bush, you know, and into the 80s I didn’t really keep tabs on it. But I will say later in life. It was gone. And I don’t think she shaved it. And she definitely didn’t wax it. She’s not she didn’t shave. She’s like she was like a granola All Natural Woman. No bra. You know, all that stuff anyway. To answer your question, no, I I’ve I’ve and I’m flattered that when you do pull your pubes out in the shower every day that you think of me and I hope you still think of me. I none of my friends have been abducted by aliens that I know of. But you know, I remember years ago, my roommate talking about she was reading about the idea of aliens abducting people that were that were unreliable that they that they would on purpose. Pick people who who were not believed to who told tall tall tales or something. Anyway, good luck. What else?

 

Speaker 4  09:41

Hi, Sarah. I’m an American who recently moved to Canada about a year ago and we moved to Canada because after Val de Texas and the overturning of Roe v. Wade, my husband and I just came to the conclusion that we didn’t want our child piled to grow up in America, you did it. We are actually people who went to Canada, like Americans always say they’re going to move to Canada when something happens. Well, we did. And we feel very lucky to be here. And it’s been a really good move for us. But something I wasn’t expecting was, how hard it was going to be to deal with the guilt I feel. And and when I say guilt, I mean, it’s like survivor’s guilt. Like, I know, we made the right choice for our family, but I feel bad for having left behind people and, and I weep for the women who can’t get abortions and the parents of trans kids, and, and all of that, and I just wonder if you have any advice for how to deal with the feelings of guilt, even though I know that we made the right decision for us, and and I feel good, that we are contributing to the Canadian economy and that we’re here. Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:08

I mean, you’re a Canadian. Now, you don’t have to worry about that. You know, us but God, look, you fucking did it. I mean, wow, you really did it. I’m happy for you. You want to raise your kids, you know, somewhere where they have autonomy over their human bodies and can afford to be sick? And where states are not banning hundreds of books, Toni Morrison books like, like hundreds of books. Wow. They spread, you know, misinformation and lies under the shroud of free speech. I get it. Good for you. I mean, but also, I also understand your guilt, you know, because you didn’t stay and fight. And also, I mean, is what I’m doing staying and fighting really. I’m sitting in a room in in Los Angeles. safe in my bubble. And no, I do travel the country though. I travel all over the country, and I make people laugh with pussy jokes. So yeah, now that I hear it out loud. I am staying and fighting. I’m basically a hero. I’d love to hear I mean, is is life in Canada, the utopia we make it out to be I I’d love to hear back from you. But anyway, that’s my two cents. That’s my toonies as a candidate joke.

 

James  12:38

Hey, Sarah, my name is James. I’m a 44 year old, super gay person living on the East Coast. And I’ve been acting and singing. Since I was like a zygote. I got into stand up comedy, like a decade ago. And you know, I certainly didn’t become famous. But I enjoyed some moderate success, touring and particularly with queer crowds. But I shortly before the pandemic, I had to just bail, I could not take it. And the reason was, because, you know, unlike acting and singing, I had to put up with so much shit from comics that were just sort of these hacky people doing hacky, misogynistic, bigoted, homophobic, transphobic material. And, you know, as much as we hear about, like, canceled culture, there’s really no room in comedy to call people out when their shit is actually just fucked up shit. Under the guise of comedy, like you immediately become the killjoy the spoils for the person trying to censor artists. And it’s like, unfortunately, there’s some hacky fucked up shit that audiences eat up with the spoon. And I just can’t I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t hack it. I could not deal with being the person that was my cat that just sneezed by being the person that like was calling it out. And when no one else was, and I don’t know, maybe maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for it. But like, I’m just wondering how you deal with it. When there’s a comic that just says something fucked up. That’s not even a little bit funny. Like, objectively speaking, it’s just bigoted or hateful. And I don’t know how you have managed to deal with it. I don’t, I’m not really looking to get back into it. I just don’t know. How anyone was even like, the tiniest iota of a conscience can stand by and hear it. Yeah. Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  14:49

You know, on one hand, I understand On another hand, you sound a little pearl clutchy. Listen, I get it and the world is crazy right now. But my reaction to that stuff I’ve tend to be like, Oh sweetie, you know, and when comics are, like that are talking about stuff that I personally don’t approve of, but I just don’t police that stuff. That’s you know, if anything, I would say that that that that kind of stuff reinforces my love of stand up in my desire to take up space in that, you know. Part of what I love about you know, stand up and and the stand up community is that we’re all so different. In every way comics are, every religion, every color, every nationality, every age, I have comic friends that are 20 I have comic friends that are 94 Truly, um, I have comedy friends with super shitty politics and I have comedy friends with great politics. There are some comics that are fucking assholes, of course, but it’s, it’s a community. I like it. You know, if there’s, if there’s a party with like various showbiz people at it, you will always find the comics in a corner, they find each other whether they know each other or not, they all kind of assemble at a at a table and watch the rest of everyone people watch, you know, I guess because there’s just there’s something familial, with the uniqueness of what we do, you know, and there aren’t a lot of people that do it. And they’re made up of people that don’t agree on a lot of shit, but they still love each other. And that creates change way more than just taking yourself out of the game. But if you will, your might not be just met, you might not be cut out for it, and that’s fine. You act you sing you do plenty of other things. Or maybe you’ll find your way back. I don’t know. I mean, sure, there are there are beefs. Sometimes we’re doing comedians, and I have comic friends that have said things that fucking piss me off. But I don’t know. I still love them. You know, we’re an island of misfit toys. So I like it. You know, you not everyone can think and say everything that you think is right. And obviously, I know that there’s, it can be worse than that and stuff. But my love it. What else?

 

Speaker 6  17:28

Hi, Sara. Just want to call and talk about my mom. She died on May 3, oh, no, you just lost your parents. My mom had a very rare and very aggressive type of breast cancer. So, you know, we knew the end game, we knew it was terminal. You know, the last eight weeks of her life, I put my life on hold and went and took care of her in Chicago and, you know, had all the opportunities in the world to tell her how much I loved her. And nothing was left unsaid and her dying process was just as beautiful as it could be. You know, she wanted to be at home, not a hospital and surrounded by her family. And that’s exactly what she got, you know. It was really an honor to help usher her out of this life. You know, like you talked about with your parents, we really had full closure. It’s been just over seven weeks since my mom died. And man, I just miss her so much. She was my best friend. And every time I want to pick up the phone to call her just a reminder that she’s not here. So my question to you is, what do you do for yourself when you find yourself missing your parents? Thanks, Sarah.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:57

Yeah, I mean, yeah, let’s see. You said May 3rd right. Janice died my stepmom may 1 And then my dad. The end of May 9. It was the 10th Technically it was 2am it doesn’t matter. I ache I just fucking ache. physically uncomfortable, isn’t it? I’m just I’m never gonna see my dad again. That’s something I just can’t I’m never going to see my dad again in this life. That’s just insane to me. It’s so it’s frustrating, right? It’s so frustrating. But here’s the thing. It’s it’s just it is what it’s what is so I have to start only from there. This is what is but I still I talked to him. I go to call him all the time and then realize it’s you know It’s fucking sucks. I guess part of loving someone is just this infinite pain of losing them. That’s what life is, you know, and I guess it It confirms how essential it is to live in this very moment. Because if I if I think of the rest of my life without my dad I’m ruining right now. You know, this moment, this only moment that exists is the only thing that really exists is this moment the future is presumption. The past could be a figment of our imaginations. I mean, it’s, it’s like last Thursday ism. I think I talked about this years ago very well. Last Thursday. ism is tickles me it’s a theory. It’s the theory that everything was created last Thursday. That’s what last Thursday is? Which sounds of course insane. But you can’t really argue it. it well. What about my memories? They were created last Thursday. Your whole lifetime of memories. What about the pyramids? Last Thursday, everything and its history and its context in our lives created last Thursday. You can’t really prove it wrong. But it’s probably wrong. But yeah, it’s that that thing you learned in therapy? I’ve said so many times, which is the ings. You know, worrying about the future is anxiety. And in going over the past over and over again, is depression. There’s only one choice. It’s this moment. And that’s just a practice because none of us can really get you know, perfected but it’s a practice and it’s fun to practice. It’s cool to catch yourself and go oh, what bet. So anyway, Soul Sister, I’m sorry for your loss. And we’ll get through this because there’s no other option. Hi

 

Speaker 7  22:07

Hi Sarah, I’m day five of thinking of crystal meth. I’ve been an active addiction for 10 years. And obviously, there’s been consequences of that. I’m alone. I don’t have anyone in my life anymore. My parents aren’t around. They’re both dead. Siblings. have no friends have no presences like I’m not religious by myself. I feel like an adult orphan. And on top of that, I seem to be being rejected by not just like people I don’t know on the street who seem to look at me like I’m some fucking AntiChrist, but jobs. Everything just comes back because it picks up now in a moment. And I’m gonna stay clean, but I don’t have any hope. So I’m just wondering, if in some comedic way, you can advise me where to start from, to try and have some sort of existence that’s at least worth getting up for?

 

Sarah Silverman  23:31

Oh, sweetheart. Well, first of all, welcome to the dead parents club. I’m so proud of you for being five days clean, or hopefully your more days clean. Now. I hope you’re still counting days of being clean. You don’t have no one at the very least you have me. Okay. And I can say without a doubt. All of the listeners here. You have all of us. Our producer Catherine Barnes. Catherine, does he have you? He definitely has me is V Amys. V. Yeah, he’s got me too. All right. That’s, that’s three, just off the top of my motherfucking head. You have us. Also, you know who else you have? Everyone at Narcotics Anonymous. And that’s where you should be. That’s where you can go. And it’s free. And I have friends who are in it. And boy, you I know that right now you feel like not a single person on earth knows what you are going through. And I know that I don’t I don’t know what it’s like to be five days sober from meth. But I promise you I promise you You will make friends for life in NA Narcotics Anonymous and they will no boy there will be people there that know exactly what you are going through. And you will feel at the very least as a small sense of home. And you you can go to a meeting every single day, you can go to meetings multiple times a day. And and it’s on Zoom, if you prefer. My I have very close people to me that are on in a Zoom meeting every day. And someone very close to me that is actually does a meeting on zoom in Ireland from Los Angeles, she just likes up there, like mostly Irish, there are so many options, please know that you do not have to do this alone. You have a whole community at na. And make a schedule for yourself every day. Put at least at least one meeting on it. Maybe go to one, maybe go physically so that you can get up take a shower or not, you know, whatever, just get out of the house you have someplace you have to be that does a lot of heavy lifting. Then you get to go for a walk or a drive to get there. That’s great. Look, this is your job right now. Okay, this is your job. I know you don’t think so. But I also know for a fact. And you just have to trust me that the passers by on the street that looked at you with disgust is you projecting that on onto them. I promise you. I mean, it’s not even flattering. I’m not trying to just make you feel better there, you’re not on their mind. People have their own problems. So whatever their face looks like as they glance your direction, you’re projecting yourself onto them. You’re not feeling very good about how you feel about you right now. And that’s okay. But give yourself a break. Because this whole process is is gonna be about something that everyone has to learn. Loving yourself, at the very least, accepting yourself being as kind to yourself as you would to any asshole on the street. You know, we are so cruel to ourselves. And it changes everything. But boy give yourself some love. You might see a dog on the street the amount of love you give that dog you’ve never met before. It’s just so much more than not even a percentage of that do we give ourselves to treat yourself that way? Treat yourself as kind as you would to a fucking dog you’ve never seen before on the street. Can you imagine getting even a percentage of that kind of love from yourself do that it’s a practice. Believe me we all shit on ourselves all the time. Please practice doing that self care self love even if it’s taking care of yourself just the you filing your nails. You know, I had a friend and he got into filing as nails because you just want to transfer some kind of care for yourself. It’s it’s it’s so it takes so little but it goes so far. You’re gonna do great. I I know you are you can. And this is going to be good. You make a schedule and stick to it and fill it up. It doesn’t matter what it is. It could be 10am Get up Get make coffee 1015 clipped your fingernails 11am na meeting, get up and take a shower that could be on your list. Literally like minutiae. You know, I make a list for the next day and it’s so detailed. That’s just how I stick to things. It’s it’s just works for me. Walk there is not literally nothing better for any human being than walking. Walk. Every chore you don’t want to do put it on the schedule and don’t even think about it. Just do it just just even if it’s robotic, you know, let it be mindless. Clean your bathroom until it fucking sparkles. Do things that are gestures of care and respect for this human person. That is you, you know you need a job. Be a dog walker. You know walk one person’s dog walk one person’s dog for them to twice a day, do anything that gets you out of your home gets you out of your head. Do you like dogs, you know, I bet you do walk dogs. And maybe once you’re rock solid in NA, maybe get a dog and have a best friend and feed and walk in love and care for your dog like every dog deserves, and then try to remember that that’s what you deserve to. It’s not going to be easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. And we’re all here for you. And we definitely want you to I would love it. If you called back and in a month in six months and a year all of them, I want to know how you’re doing. I really, really do. Even if the Speak pipeline that records these voicemail messages, even if you use it as a diary. And maybe I’ll play it sometimes maybe I won’t. But you can know that it’s it’s a message in a bottle that I will hear. You could do that if you want but at some point call back because I really want to know how you’re doing. All right. I can’t wait to hear back from you. But take your time, one day at a time. All you have to do is get through this moment. Every time you start telling yourself horror stories think stop yourself and say hold on. Am I okay? Right now in this moment because it’s the only one that exists truly. And in that’s real. All right. I I’m excited. I’m looking forward to hearing from you intermittently. And in good luck and I love you know, I don’t know you but I feel it and I’m gonna say it. I love you. All right, what else?

 

Andrea  31:59

Hi, Sarah. My name is Andrea. I live in Texas, unfortunately. And I was watching 90 day fiance and this guy is giving me severe misophonia which is a term that I learned from you. And I just wondered what your reality TV guilty pleasures are. I think you said he watched the bachelor or the bachelorette or something but I was just wondering if you have any more like niche interests? I love you so mu ch. Goodbye.

 

Sarah Silverman  32:26

No, you’re right on it. Right now. I am so deep. I mean there’s only one episode in but they got me, golden bachelor. Golden fucking bachelor so far is where it’s at. I fucking love this guy. Gary. He’s so lovely. He’s so sweet. He’s got three grown daughters. They’re amazing. They want him to have love his wife died suddenly love of his life, you know married for 40 something years. And like his daughters really want them to find love again and you know, find someone to go through, you know, life with and enjoy. The women are amazing. They’re like from like, 60 to 70-ish range. You know, they’re gorgeous. They they’re just so much smarter and lovelier and like the first night when they’re all like in a room and it’s such a long night and they’re introducing themselves to the bachelor. He’s so lovely. And and then when they’re all together like it panned across and it was just the opposite of catty. Like every woman was like, Oh, I love those earrings. Where did you get them and whoa, your hair and you know, just kibitzing. It’s just lovely is there’s something so lovely about it. I don’t know what it’s, I don’t know if it’s what it well, I don’t know what it’s gonna be, but I’m totally loving it. He gave out the roses. And then I think for women get cut the first night and he was on his last rows and he felt so guilty. He started crying. It’s just really sweet. UII’m just very down with it. And it’s a great move. I mean, it’s I think Howard Stern was saying this. So it’s not a real not an original thought. But I think they did it because only old people have network TV. Like, I mean, people don’t even have TV anymore. So it’s it’s, it makes sense to have a bachelor that people who actually watched television can be invested in you know, and, and also I love it. Dad, wherever you are in the sky, in the ground, behind a tree up in a tree. I don’t know where you are, but I love you and I feel you all around me. Anyway, this is the part of the podcast when I say send me your questions go to speakpipe.com/thesarahsilvermanpodcast And of course that Sarah with an age what am I an asshole? No, I like it both ways. I happen to have an H, subscribe rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And there’s more of the Sarah Silverman podcast with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like a, like a whole conversation about passwords and commercials and streaming and it was a very meta conversation about all of this. Subscribe now in Apple podcasts until we meet again. Shalom. Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast we are a production of Lemonada Media, Kathryn Barnes and Kryssy Pease produce our show our mixes by James Barber, additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson. Stephanie Wittels Wachs1 and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our theme was composed by Ben Folds and you can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman Podcast wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.