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Description

WHAT. IS. ELON. MUSK. DOING?!? This week, Kiki, Hoja, and Mohanad unpack the billionaire’s latest scheme alongside comedian and writer Ophira Eisenberg. They parse out his true motivations for buying Twitter, dissect his cult of personality, and take jabs at all the other Evil Billionaire Stuff he’s been up to. Plus, Hoja visits a psychic, Kiki educates us on elevator etiquette, and Mohanad learns what it’s like to be a single cat dad on this week’s Sorry Not Sorry.

Please note, I’m Sorry contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

Follow Ophira Eisenberg on Twitter and Instagram @OphiraE. Check out her new special, Plant-Based Jokes, here: https://800pgr.lnk.to/PlantBasedJokesWE.

And read Ophira’s apology letter to her mom friends: https://ophira.medium.com/an-apology-letter-to-my-mom-friends-9c5d9a01b6de.

You can find out more about our show @lemonadamedia on all social platforms, or follow us on Instagram @imsorry_podcast.

Need help saying sorry? Got any public apology fodder? Email us at imsorry@lemonadamedia.com or send us a DM on Instagram.

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Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows: https://lemonadamedia.com/sponsors/

For additional resources, information, and a transcript of the episode, visit lemonadamedia.com.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Ophira Eisenberg, Mohanad Elshieky, Hoja Lopez, Kiki Monique

Kiki Monique  00:00

Hi I’m Kiki Monique. And this is I’M SORRY, a podcast about apologies. And this week I am getting a new phone. But for the first time I have to turn my phone in. And if you know anything about me and my phone, I am very scared. I hope there is like I’m gonna put it in the microwave. I just don’t want anyone to know what’s on it.

Hoja Lopez 

I desperately want to run an operation where I get a hold of your phone for like a couple hours and just […]

Mohanad Elshieky 

And this is one Mohanad Elshieky and I currently doing four seasons a day New York City and love it so much love now ever knowing what to wear and just always feeling uncomfortable. Perfect 10 out of 10 no notes really.

Hoja Lopez

And my name is Hoja Lopez. And this week, I figured out how to use my brother sewing machine. And I tried to make myself a bathing suit top. It’s not working. Apparently it’s complicated. It’s […] as long as so that’s what I call boobs, breasts.

Kiki Monique 

I took in the context clues.

Mohanad Elshieky

I was mesmerized by how many ways you find to describe that. What was that one the time you call it? Chest Mountains?

Hoja Lopez 

Chest mountains. Yeah.

Mohanad Elshieky

Incredible.

Hoja Lopez 

Just the heads, just you’ve got two giant heads on your chest. I mean, there’s just so many ways, anything round that comes in twos? You can that’s what you could call a boob. So I’m welcome to hear more. Whatever people have got out there. I’d love to hear what you call your boobies. We’re so excited to welcome Ophira Eisenberg. She is a Canadian born stand-up comedian and writer. She is the host of NPR’s ask me another and she is also regular host and tell her for the moth. There’s so much more that you’ve been up to. But I’m just so happy to talk to you about

Ophira Eisenberg  02:18

Thanks so much. I love I mean, you know, when you start with Canadian born, I just feel I was meant to be on any show that involves apologies and sorry, because that is parroted back to me by every American. They’re always like, oh, say sorry because we say sorry, right?

Hoja Lopez

It’s not quite fancy. It’s not quite the English pronunciation of sorry, but it kind of a little bit.

Ophira Eisenberg

Yes. And there’s an ongoing I guess anything is Canadian joke that how do you get a Canadian to apologize step on their foot.

Hoja Lopez 

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you victimize yourself. I love that.

Kiki Monique 

You could probably apply that to women, too. I feel like someone steps on my foot immediately. I’m like, oh, I’m so sorry. Like, what am I doing?

Ophira Eisenberg 

But you know, when someone’s going through something unhappy in their lives. And I will say I am so sorry. And they will say to me, it’s not your fault. And I’m like, that’s a very American thing to say.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Hoja Lopez 

It’s the same as like when you say like, I’m sorry. And the other person’s like no worries, or like they say something that isn’t quite like an acceptance of the apology, but they’re like, that never caused me any issue in the first place. You’re free to go.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Exactly. You’re like alright, well, I guess I’ll save my empathy for worthier people.

Hoja Lopez 

Yeah, I mean, what do you, do you guys come from big apologizing, like families, like what is your, my question goes to the team like what were apologies like when you guys were growing up kind of thing?

Mohanad Elshieky 

Oh, they did not exist. I’ll tell you that much. I literally never heard my dad or mom apologize for anything. Even like when they know they’re wrong. They like find another way of saying they would never say I’m sorry. Those words are like, never come out. They’re just like, their sandwich and they like some other like phrases and stuff. But there’s never like an admission of guilt. Like I feel like if it was like, you know, it was like a court case or something. We always like reach a settlement. No one like is admits guilt. They’re like, Okay, I’m gonna do this for you. It does not mean that I think I’ve done anything wrong. I just want you to stop nagging me about this. That’s it.

Hoja Lopez  04:40

What about you guys?

Kiki Monique 

I don’t think I mean; nothing stands out either way about you know, my parents, you know, apologizing to each other. I mean, but I always knew immediately when I did something wrong, the first thing to do was say, I’m sorry. So they obviously taught me to do that, but it’s like not like I remember it being a big deal.

Hoja Lopez

Yeah, I was I think it was a chronic apologizer I was just like, I just was constantly apologizing for things that were and weren’t my fault. And then I can’t remember. I think that’s maybe a kid thing too where like because you’re the center of the universe. It’s for good and bad. Like, you think that everything bad that happens is somehow some hidden part of something you did, but I definitely think I think my parents were like yours Mo. They were just like; we’re fucking surviving out here. So stop asking me to do any better than I’m doing. This is it; this is what you get kid.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah, I don’t remember. Anyone ever asked me my opinion, input, what I like, in family as a childhood ever. Yeah, I was just and so the ultimate, you know, I guess similar in some sense, ultimate authority figure kind of relationship with my parents, where, you know, they would not apologize or if they did, they would be like, I am sorry that you did that. But I still grew and I don’t know if this is just the being a female thing. I don’t know. You know what, I’m so glad you said that about like, kids feel like they are somehow responsible for bad things that just made me feel less alone. Not just me. So there was a sense of apologizing for everything. Perhaps my existence, I think that was in there somewhere. But I’m the youngest of six as well. So I was also you know, just really teased a lot by my older brothers and sisters. So I was always wanting them to apologize. You know, I was always telling on them, which may be the least likable sibling.

Hoja Lopez  06:51

Yeah, I don’t like that whole snitches get stitches thing in sibling stuff. I’m like, god dammit. I’m being bullied. Somebody helped me.

Kiki Monique 

But the tattletale, no one like […]

Ophira Eisenberg 

You know what Amir did to me. I mean, that was every second thing out of my mouth. That’s my brother’s name, Amir.

Hoja Lopez 

They want us to solve the majority of our own problems so that they don’t have to deal with them. So I get that. I mean, I guess 70s, 80s, and 90s. Because we were just like raw no therapy for our parents. We were just raw, doggone it out there in the world. Like just, they didn’t even know why they wanted to have kids. They just had them to have them. And then we had to deal with the consequences of that.

Kiki Monique 

Yeah, it was like put that key around your neck. Go straight home. You are eight years old. Do not turn on that stove. But cook yourself something somehow feed yourself sit in that basement until I get home. Okay, cool. I’m totally cool with that. Which is why the pandemic I think didn’t bother me. I’m so used to being alone in a basement by myself. Like, this is my life.

Hoja Lopez  08:01

I’m sorry, my childhood prepared me for this. So I’m ready. Oh, my God. And I know, I mean, like, I guess we’re also from different areas of the US. And I was wondering like, because in Chicago, I’ve noticed that people are relatively polite, and also grew up. I was in the South for a long time before too. So there’s a lot of like, politeness and sort of, like, you know, there’s a little bit of bless your heartness. But generally, I feel like people apologize a lot when I’m out in the street. But like, I was thinking about New York in general, and it doesn’t strike me as a place where people apologize often or like, it almost feels like people are just, like, have like a single mindedness about going where they’re going, they feel like tourism, just for existing should be an apology to New Yorkers. Like does that feel accurate?

Ophira Eisenberg 

I’m gonna say yes, I just feel like there’s I don’t think it’s a mean thing. When I moved here. I thought it was mean, I thought, I thought I was so used to grew up in Canada. I thought these people are so mean and nasty. And then I hooked into the efficientness like if you left your house and had to apologize for every person that bumped into you for every interaction that didn’t go in the most civil beautiful way eat that your entire all the words in the world will be used up in that one day of apologizing.

Mohanad Elshieky

Absolutely, no one has a time. Yeah, it’s so funny. Like coming to visit New York and then living in New York because when you visit like even like you’re mesmerized by everything you like, even like the people on the subway, you’re just like, oh my god like someone who’s playing music and they’re like people dancing and showtime and all of that shit. And now like I’ve been I’ve lived here for a while and like anyone tries to do anything on the subway, but just write it in peace. I’m like, I am going to kill myself.

Kiki Monique

I actually appreciated and miss that sort of the way apologies went in New York because, it wasn’t like a normal apology. Like, I mean, I’ve been in LA for like a year. And I feel like people here are way more rude than New Yorkers, like they just don’t, I don’t know, they don’t acknowledge you. Whereas in New York, it’s like, if I walk through a door, and maybe I say, thank you, and the person didn’t hear me, and they’re like, you’re welcome. And then I start screaming, I said, thank you. But then like, we’re not mad at each other. We’re just yelling at each other. So we both hear each other. And then we go about our way. I like, respond to that so much more than just like, no acknowledgement, or just pass acknowledgement.

Ophira Eisenberg  10:40

Yeah. I have found recently, you know, riding the subway and things like that, that I have bumped into someone and you know, with, I’m wearing a mask, but I will audibly say to them, sorry about that. And they will turn to me unsure what to do. And then they just sort of give me a chin up kind of nod. And I like it. I feel like it’s a disarms them for a second.

Hoja Lopez 

That’s the sort of micro stranger interactions I live for. The opposite of micro aggression. Micro apology. It’s a micro apology. Just a quick moment.

Mohanad Elshieky 

So speaking of apologies, you have a kid, How old is he

Ophira Eisenberg 

He’s six.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Okay, do you ever apologize to him for anything or like?

Ophira Eisenberg 

Constantly, and sometimes I think that’s bad. Like, I have no idea what I’m doing. I sometimes have like that’s bad parenting. That’s good parenting, it’s good for him to see that we both apologize. But I apologize for raising my voice. I apologize for all of my bad tendencies. Or I also apologize to him when something doesn’t work out for him the way he wanted it. I mean, I feel terrible. Of course, I want everything to work out for him, and impossibility. But he will tell me something like someone at school, called him stupid. And I will say, you know, I’m so sorry, that happened to you. And then I’ll tell them that, of course, that the you know, he’s not stupid, and that we’re not supposed to name calling and I’m sorry, that’s, you know, I go deep into apologies, although he left his coat at school. And then we got my husband and I both got kind of angry at him about that. We’re like, don’t leave, you can’t lose your stuff. You can’t lose your stuff. And then my husband kind of yelled at him and then said, I am so sorry for yelling at you. It’s just I used to lose all of my stuff when I was a kid. And I don’t want you to become me because it is a terrible way to live. And my son said, wait, so you’re getting mad at me because of who you were in the past?

Kiki Monique  12:49

Wow.

Ophira Eisenberg 

And I was like, that is all of parenting. Feeling shame about who I was in the past and seeing it on you.

Kiki Monique 

Well, you even wrote that letter to your friends where you were apologizing to your friends who had had kids, and then you had them, you know, later than they did? And you were like, I’m so sorry for all of the ways I acted and treated when I was, you know, child free and accidentally couldn’t, you know, couldn’t get dressed and couldn’t come out and couldn’t just get a baby. I mean, I love that letter you wrote to them.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah, cuz I thought just work harder. That’s always been my, you know..

Kiki Monique

Are you Kim Kardashian?

Hoja Lopez

I grew up in a little sort of like, town in Venezuela. And so I didn’t, we didn’t have anybody. There was no teen pregnancies. Nobody really got pregnant. And then I moved the United States. And I had my very best friend, we were 20. And they were 22. And they got pregnant. Like, accidentally, and so I felt like I had to really step my pussy up to like, understand this human who was my best friend who now had a child. And looking back at, it was a we kind of all raised this little community kid at this point, because, you know, we’re all just hanging out at 2021. But yeah, I really I read the letter too. And I was like, oh my god, I did so many of these things.

Ophira Eisenberg  14:23

I mean, that’s the dream because I feel like because I did it late I ended up with a community of friends that decided that they were not going to have kids. And then I did it late and so those are still my friends. And they still I mean I think they are sometimes the devil because they’ll do the like come on, just bring up, just bring them it’s a party just bring them all have fun, and they don’t realize that it’s not fun to bring a 5- or 6-year-old to an adult party like you get their theme of the party is like I don’t know broken glass and bourbon like it’s already bad, you know, nobody, no one’s like, let’s help.

Kiki Monique 

Can I take your place that sounds like a party, I want to go to.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Broken glass of bourbon that probably exists. Did any of you know people at any stage that joined some sort of like, it’s not Scientology but you know, sort of a moving on with your life group that was mildly pyramid scheme where part of it was calling people in apologizing? Yeah, I once received a letter from someone that was clearly paying into a group to move on.

Hoja Lopez 

Interesting.

Kiki Monique 

I wonder if somebody thought that I was because there have been times where I have felt guilty about something and written an email to somebody I hadn’t reached out to in a long time, just because I needed to get it off my chest. So they probably thought I was, I was literally just like, I need to let go of this because Karma is a bitch.

Ophira Eisenberg  16:17

That’s good. That’s like, amazing, that’s people are paying for that. And you just do it on your own. I would brag about that more often.

Hoja Lopez 

I feel I’ve had people who were going through 12 Step Program reach out to me and two that I can think of that have reached out to me, but they were specifically going through a 12-step program. So I don’t know if that was it’s a little bit of a cult, but maybe sometimes people need a cult to stop doing drugs and alcohol.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Well, speaking of cult, so we should talk about the man with the cult, Elon Musk. The worst call to ever exist. The Tesla Bros.

Hoja Lopez 

I guess just to start off, what are your like general impressions of Elon? Like he’s been in the news a lot in the past few years. If you had to describe him to somebody who has no idea who Elon Musk is, how would you do it?

Kiki Monique 

I mean, I really don’t think about him often so much to the point where they did a skit on SNL, and they were imitating his voice and I had to go look at a video because I was like, does he speak like that? Because I actually have no idea. And so like, when I think about him, all I think about is a white guy who has way too much money and time on his hands, and is secretly just trying to like, cultivate Mars, like he does not want to live on earth anymore. He wants to have hundreds of children move them all and create a civilization that like poor people can’t be a part of. That’s what I think about him.

Mohanad Elshieky

Yeah, well, yeah, I think he sucks just start from there. And totally hate that man so much. And I think it’s also like my, my, my biggest issue with him is the people who are like, so obsessed with him. And it’s just like, you know, people that view him as like, very smart and he’s just like, he made every penny on like with his brain and all of that and they kind of like worship him that way. But to me all I see this like insecure man who really just wants to be like, so bad. Because how are you the richest man in the world and you’re spending most of your time on social media. Posting the worst means that you did not even make it stealing, stealing from other people, and just wants to be liked so bad. Like, it’s honestly pathetic, in a way where this is all you want. And you can tell like, this is someone who just you know, like, always, like, wanted that and now with his money and everything and having like these people, he’s just like, everything he does feels like a stunt.

Ophira Eisenberg  18:53

Yeah that’s a really interesting way of putting it I think, when I saw don’t look up and Mark Rylance plays basically the Elon Musk character and is just so obsessed, you know, obviously has some brains is like working on something. But he’s obsessed, self-obsessed, and has zero care for anyone, any fellow human in any regard. I was like, that is a beautiful, one of the greatest actors portraying this person with just utter precision and beauty. Because I do not think I think I can’t even comment on what it is that him as an inventor or as a visionary, all I see is a power thirsty individual who is completely corrupted and obsessed with yeah, their own voice. I mean, just have lunch in space and leave us alone.

Hoja Lopez 

It is a strange, like acknowledgement that these billionaires are like, I would rather start an entire new Planet, then try to help the one that I already live on. And it seems like they’re all doing it like, it’s the metaverse, it’s the Amazon. It’s the Branson. It’s the tech. Like, I don’t understand why this feeling of like interplanetary, like, communion or the strange, I don’t understand the pull to that. It seems bizarre and I think it’s once you have too much money, and nothing excites you anymore, and you can’t get a boner for, I don’t know, the stock market anymore, then you’re like, I need to time and space travel.

Ophira Eisenberg  20:37

Well, it’s also like Arrested Development. It’s like their six-year-old boys, literally.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Yeah. 100%. And also like, you have like, these people are like psychopath, like, they do not care about helping people, they do not want to help people. Unless it brings them like some kind of like admiration, or like people like word. And they have that, they have these lunatics who will just who do not have as much money as they are not even close. Who want to be one day just like these guys, like Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos and, and all of these people, so everything they do is epic to them. You know, like every tweet, every word they say is just like it’s like, sent by God. And they’re like, This is so amazing. I want to be this man. Even though like if you look at most of this stuff that they want to do logically, absolutely makes no sense.

Hoja Lopez 

Yeah, I want a little bit of that. I don’t need all of it. I just want to be a delusional hot, fat woman walking through the streets of America, believing that everything that I say is a diamond gold mine that everybody should listen to.

Ophira Eisenberg 

You know, I agree with you early on in the pandemic. And I do joke about this, there was an actress who posted on Instagram that, you know, she let her hair go gray, she stopped dyeing her hair. And she wrote that she let her hair go gray in support of the first responders. And I was just like, oh my god, is it possible to do less like what, but the ego behind that? That it’s like, can you imagine if I was like, I’m letting my fingernails grow for, you know, famine? You know, we’re like, what are you talking about?

Hoja Lopez  22:23

You mean you’re gonna stop doing the most minimal thing you were already doing?

Ophira Eisenberg 

Like, I’m letting my hair grow out? Yeah, whatever, for the troops.

Mohanad Elshieky 

exactly. Exactly. Yes, that’s meaningless […] also, like, you have a lot of these people like have no, they don’t know what the public is like, or what they want. They have like, they do not know how, just like normal people live? So they really believe that this is enough. This is what people want from them.

Ophira Eisenberg 

And people do kinda, that’s the problem.

Mohanad Elshieky

Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. And I think about it sometimes, you know, like, obviously, like, you know, I do stand-up comedy. And I obviously, the whole art form is about being liked. This is all you want. You want people to like you and enjoy what you’re doing. And you cannot really, what you’re doing cannot exist without people, you know, responding to what you’re doing. But at the same time, I keep thinking about him, just like, I really never want to have like, be a cult leader or like happy or just like blindly believing like everything I do. Because I feel like if that happens, then if you know, the moment you like, fall from grace is going to be the hardest because you just, I feel like that happens to a lot of people where they really believe that they’re just like, you know, they will live their it, they’re the thing and then when they’re abandoned, they’re just like, holy shit, there’s no one that actually likes me. It’s insane.

Kiki Monique 

You know, there’s like every Easter a picture goes around of Jared Leto. And like an old woman looking up at it. And you know, thinking that she’s praying to Jesus. Easter, Jared Leto posted it on his own feed. And I was like, dude, you’re not getting the joke. And that’s weird. And what’s like, I love I love Jordan Catalano. I’ve been in love with Jared Leto. Since you know it was a wee thing, but I’m kind of loving that he’s just getting joked so much lately by like, carried by it. I mean, it’s been Mohanad but like, I was just like, he’s not in on the joke. They like this idea of being a god to people and billionaires. There’s no good billionaire. I don’t care, there’s no such good billionaire. They’re all terrible people underneath it all because you can’t want that much power

Ophira Eisenberg  24:51

You can’t even I don’t think you can amass a million dollars and be from a good place.

Mohanad Elshieky 

The thing about like, you know, imagining that, like a mountain, like not wanting to help people is insane to me, because I feel like, anytime in my life I have, you know, made an amount of money that was more than I’ve ever made before. I’m always like thinking about, like, first of all, I don’t know, what the fuck am I gonna do with this? This is like, a lot. And I’m just like, your brain immediately goes like, what? Can I donate some of it to something? Because I’m just it feels right. And I’m just like, It’s so insane to me that the concept of helping other people does not bring them joy.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah, where they also just don’t think we’ll never miss this. Like, what if I just gave the bank account number to someone, if I can’t come up with a good idea. I’ll just, I know someone who has a good idea.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Exactly. Like imagine like, finally, like even one person. I’m like, I’ll pay your rent for a year or so. Like, does that not make you happy? It’s so insane to me.

Kiki Monique 

I like literally hadn’t paid my phone bill. And I was driving down the street and saw this homeless man who had two puppies, and only had $10 on it and gave it to him because I was like, I need you to feed your puppies. Who cares if my phone gets cut off. And I would think that I would carry that into being a billionaire. But that’s probably why I won’t be a billionaire. Because in order to be a billionaire, you can’t care about the puppies need to die.

Ophira Eisenberg  26:24

That’s right, there’s gonna be a couple of puppies sacrificed for your billions.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Exactly, exactly. And also that for you to be a billionaire, you have to also think that the people who are poor or people who, you know, not even poor, like are not at that level of wealth is because they don’t work hard enough. They’re not as smart as you, they deserve to be poor.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah, I didn’t actually know the concept of a trust fund kid till I moved to New York not to say there aren’t rich people in Canada. I just didn’t know them. And I remember going to someone’s really nice apartment, you know, as a 25-year-old and thinking, if I work really hard today that I was like, oh, no.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Exactly. And it’s so insane to me, because I like because I feel like once you start believing that the people who are in such bad conditions deserve it is because of their own doing. That is what do you like to start to lose all empathy? And you’re like, I’m not giving them my money? Because if I give them money, they’re gonna lose it anyway. And yeah, they’re not like, oh, maybe the system is like against them. And they literally work all day. And like, they have three jobs or so and they still cannot afford it. Because you know, and I can’t remember where I read this, but like, you know, like, being poor is expensive, is very expensive to be poor. There is so much more that you need. And so much like, places you will find yourself in where do you have to spend more money than you have? And some people like Elon Musk don’t think that, don’t think about that.

Hoja Lopez

Yeah. I think especially like, and I mean, just to get into, like, the bigger concept of, you know, what capitalism means to us and why it feels like it’s brimming in such a fucked up way right now that we all have so many opinions on billionaires is the idea that they’re benefiting from a kind of an unjust economic system where it’s like, they’re not actually making that money. They’re sort of taking it from the people that they are legally allowed to take it from, in some ways, and it feels like, policy failure, and so people get angrier and angrier and angrier. And I wonder, I wonder if those cushy government subsidies if you know, like, all those healthcare costs that they’re supposed to be covering are still remaining high, like all that, like inequity, I feel is brewing and I can feel it. And I wonder if things are going to change in the next 30 or 40 years, like we’ve seen crazy things happen and revolutions happen. So I’m wondering if this is like catalyzing it, you know, that they’re also so visible.

Ophira Eisenberg

That sounds hopeful.

Hoja Lopez

My girlfriend, Rachel is like get a guillotine just put it on their doorsteps and see if they have a conscience. Is Warren Buffett, does he own Wall Street Journal, and then is it Bezos that owns Washington Post? And it’s like, they each have to have their own toys, and whether it’s like a yacht, or it’s a news outlet, or it’s a big thing and to me like when I see Elon saying that he wants to purchase Twitter. I’m like that’s going to be his toy that he gets to say that he owns in some way or another. So in my mind, it’s like do a because I read a couple of articles, but do you feel like it’s a stunt? Do you feel like it’s a strategy like, what is he doing?

Ophira Eisenberg  30:13

I wish there was just transparent. Like, there’s no way we can say like, oh, by the way, the king would like an open forum, you know. So, you know, we all want democracy, says the king. So, if he was transparent, like, let’s just say Elon Musk said, I want to own Twitter, because I want to control what goes on Twitter. Like, you could be outraged about that. But I’d be like, oh, this is interesting, okay, but to do like I’m gonna own, you know, this thing that was meant to be a you know, virtual town square has gone off the rails, so I’m gonna own it to restore its inherent value. Like, that’s when you’re just like, okay, now, this is the worst version of Twitter, you’re actually doing what we’re fighting against, in this forum.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Exactly. And also, like the whole thing about, like, you know, every time I hear a billionaire or like, a multimillionaire, like even like Joe Rogan, or like any of these podcast guys are now Elon Musk and Bezos talk about free speech. I always want to like, what’s your idea of free speech? What does that mean to you? Is it a white dude saying the N word is that free speech, because this is what you think free speech is, it’s also like, to them free speech is always annoying, it’s always like being able to say dark and offensive stuff, even though they have no idea what that means to them. And people are so sensitive, even though they are the ones who are like, extremely sensitive, and cannot take any criticism or any of that. So Elon Musk is saying like, we want to bring like freedom of speech to Twitter. I mean, there is no one stopping you from saying anything you want on Twitter, for the most part, most of the people who get suspended and whatnot, you know, is safety and like, safety issues, like, I’m sorry that you cannot tell someone that you want to kill them or that you want to post someone who’s like address online. Does Twitter have problems? Absolutely, it has a lot of problems. For example, it does not regulate hate speech well, and it just like, let it go as like they are like, if you post a music video on us, like some copyrighted, they will come at you immediately. If someone is a Nazi, and post your address online, they will just take their time working through that. So to hear these guys just talk about like, you know, freedom of speech and whatnot. And it’s so funny to me, because people who believe that they fight for freedom of speech the most, and will not stop talking about it usually have nothing of importance to say. Never, never anything interesting to say. So yeah.

Ophira Eisenberg  32:53

It’s important. I mean, I think also that you just even the idea of someone being like free speech that has been co-opted, much like the American flag to very far right-wing groups who do not want freedom of speech. They want freedom of hate. So and I think you’re right too when it’s like Elon Musk wants freedom of speech. No, the fact that the music, what music licensing or what have you will shut you down within a second of posting anything that is a copyright law, versus a Nazi sentiment shows you that the whole thing is a capitalistic machine. Anyway, so let’s not pretend this is a form of free thought.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It’s not great was someone who is has so much money than you can ever imagine. Just wakes up one day and just decide, hey, I want to purchase this big website that the whole world uses. It’s not, to me it’s not perfect. It’s not a great system. But what do I know?

Ophira Eisenberg

But then again, maybe yes, maybe it’s time to wash Twitter die, I mean, that will just kill it.

Mohanad Elshieky 

I am for that. Like if Elon Musk, this is the only way I would accept him buying the whole company if he is willing to ruin it. I want my life back.

Hoja Lopez  34:12

This is truly a highlighting your love hate relationship with Twitter in a profound way. And I think the idea that he’s like, or the Washington Post did that thing where it’s like peak billionaire stuff like this truly is a delusional insane thing. And I love the if it does die, that we’re all sort of like yeah, we’re fine with that.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Can we help you?

Hoja Lopez 

Because we know like there’s something about Twitter already. That already is a poison pill. Like there’s just something about it. That isn’t quite working. And the fact that he feels like to make it more open to make it to you know, open up, he’s talked a little bit about oh, Putting up the algorithm so that people can change it and have opinions on it. Like some of it I’m like I get but it just already feels like, like a kind of fucked up company in so many ways. And I guess my question to you is when, when we were kind of going through all of this, I realized too, you heard about the whole the jet thing where it’s like this teenager on Twitter has an account that is essentially just tracking Elon jet. And then I guess Elon didn’t like it. And then immediately it’s like two or three days later, he starts buying up shares like that feels peak billionaire to me, too.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah. Someone hurt his feelings.

Kiki Monique 

Yeah, yeah. I was like to me this is, I hope that it’s all based in this pettiness because then I can actually get involved in the storyline in a fun way because I just like live for petty. I live for mess like, because, you know, if he really did, he wants us what freshman in college, he tried to offer $5,000 to stop posting, you know, his jet, which I guess he denies or whatever. But he feels like I want to kick off whoever I want. Which by the way is like the opposite of what you say you want. But I hope it’s this petty because what I feel like in all of this, remember that skit? It was like SNL skit with Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock when Trump it was during the Trump election. And they were just sitting there with their White friends in the back and just kind of like, yeah, you know, he’s gonna win. And that was me. That was me and Brooklyn, like, yeah, Trump’s gonna win. They’re like, what are you talking about? You’re crazy. And I’m like, and even if he does, like, I don’t know if it matters, like this White guy or that White guy. That’s how I feel about this Twitter thing. I’m like, okay, if Elon owns it, or Elon doesn’t own it, I don’t know. It’s all White guys who are just doing annoying things. And I don’t know if I care. But […] I’ll pay attention. What a little baby.

Ophira Eisenberg  36:58

I want the name change to Elon Musk’s Twitter, like, I want him to go hard on needing that to be called. So we know exactly what we’re getting into. We’re not getting into an open forum, right? In a conversation all the time with Elon Musk.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Can you imagine paying $43 billion or so? Because you want to stop people from being mean to you on Twitter? That’s fucking insane to me, like, oh my god, I’m just like, man,  it’s so funny to watch. Because it’s just like this. It’s the jet and also people just dunking on him non-stop because he’s a fucking psycho.

Kiki Monique 

Yeah, he can do that. And also, I think he really wants to get in on this joke of being like the first African American to own a social media platform because like the amount of retweets of like his Elon bros. I’m like, I can’t which is another reason don’t ever call me an African American. If you do not refer to me as Black. I will not talk to you. Because exactly this.

Mohanad Elshieky  38:01

That thing. I’m just like, I hate it so much. The whole like, African American thing where they like, try to describe Elon Musk is that first of all? I mean, I don’t know if you dabble and reading, but he’s from South Africa. Even in South Africa, I would say that he is still European.

Kiki Monique 

Even in his wiki profile. It says his father is a white South African why you got to add that White in why can’t you just say South African? Because that’s how much you want to be separated from America.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Where did these white people come from in Africa anyway. And also, it’s so stupid, cuz like, everyone knows, every like, when you say African American, everyone knows it’s not a location. It’s like what a person looks like, like their skin color. Like I was born and raised in North Africa. If I ever become an American, I would never call myself African. It does not make any sense. Because African-American is equals Black. This is what it means. Yeah, but these people just love this shit. They just love taking something and being like, yeah, let’s be annoying about it and just like, have at it. You’re so stupid. So annoying.

Mohanad Elshieky 

That’s why we should, see someone who is very good at silencing voices, wants to go in public forums.

Mohanad Elshieky 

So funny. Offering that kid who had the jet thing, $5,000? Like this is how much you think people who are like poor people think is a lot of money, $5,000

Kiki Monique 

But Elon’s credit. I will say, you know, our government didn’t give us $1,200 for two years’ worth of […] average. So in his mind, he thought he was really doing something.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Now it’s time for my favorite segment, which we do every week. It’s called sorry In our sorry, where we either apologize to someone for the week for something that we did, it can be anything or which I like to do the most is demand and apology from a person or group or the weather, it does not really matter. And as always, I’m going to start with Hoja.

Hoja Lopez  40:18

Thank you. I would like to demand an apology. This week, I went to a psychic. It was a fun, late night situation with a friend. And I’m going to tell you something right now. That psychic lied to me the whole time. I sort of played along with it to see what she was going to say. But at one point or another, she told me that my mom was trying to speak to me from the dead and my mom was fully alive. She’s just a full, real, alive person. And that my mom wanted to talk to me about some things that I had done as a child that she still had a problem with. She was like, what? Literally I’m in the session going like, what are you talking about? I think maybe she was an insane person.

Mohanad Elshieky 

To be fair, though, knowing mom’s, knowing my mom specifically. She would try to reach out to me from every like, platform ever. Even the dead.

Hoja Lopez 

Yeah, even while living my mom just channeled through this psychic to tell me that I needed to call her as an emergency. And then when I called her, she said, you should call your dad. It’s his fifth anniversary from his retirement and tell them you love them. This is a kind emergencies. My mom calls me for.

Mohanad Elshieky 

You ever have your mom just text you in the middle of the night just like your name and you think something bad happened? My mom would do that. Which is like, she’s like Mohanad, Mohanad.

Hoja Lopez 

Sounds like your mom is already haunting you.

Mohanad Elshieky 

She is and there’s a big-time difference between us like what was eight hours and she does not care about that. She would send me a text to me at like, 4AM. And then I’m like, mom, like it’s 4am here. And I’m just like, well, it’s 12PM here. So I don’t know what to tell you.

Kiki Monique  42:03

She would get banned even if she was my mom because people who don’t just tell me exactly upfront what the text is. They like just do like a question mark and then wait for my response, it drives me, I will throw my phone out the window when I see that. I cannot take it.

Mohanad Elshieky

Exactly. 100% Well, Kiki, what’s happening with you this week?

Kiki Monique 

You know, I want an apology from this guy who , I don’t like people who under don’t understand elevator etiquette. Elevator etiquette is very, very simple. And I was I went to this doctor’s office; I hadn’t been there before. And you know, it was like, you know, you had to go down into the parking garage and I had to go down like, you know, it was like P1, P2, ABC or whatever. And so I got to like B level, but it all looks the same, right? And then I had to take the elevator up to the doctor, coming back to the car, I you know, I hit the B level. And I’m just sitting there looking at my phone, and then the door opens. And then I’m like, oh, and it all looks the same. So I get out and then this guy like, you know, he rushes in. So I like get out. And I realized I wasn’t at B. I was at P1. And he had done the thing where he hit both buttons. So he was trying to go up. But he had hit both buttons. So instead of getting in and saying are you going up or down, which is proper etiquette, especially if you’ve hit both buttons, I get out and then the door closes. And now I have to wait for him to go all the way up and then wait for it to come all the way down. And I was just like, you know, I just don’t like people who don’t know elevator etiquette and you owe me an apology because now I had to like then I had to get back on for just like one more I couldn’t like take stairs down. I could get back on this elevator wait like five minutes. Or like one little floor down. Just rude.

Hoja Lopez

You essentially encountered a psychopath in the wild. And he showed you that he was a psychopath through his actions. And now you know.

Kiki Monique  44:00

Probably took so long to get in. He probably pushed every button when he got in there. Just like yeah, weirdo. Why are you pushing all the buttons?

Ophira Eisenberg 

Pushing all your buttons. That’s what he did.

Mohanad Elshieky 

100% yeah, God. Well, I’ll go Yeah, and I mean, I don’t have anything you know, big. It’s I’m demanding an apology from my girlfriend, Rosie because, she listened to this podcast. So this will get to her eventually.

Ophira Eisenberg 

This is how you talk?

Mohanad Elshieky

I said they’re like, you know, messages on this podcast. And she asked me what’s wrong? I’m just like, listen to the next episode. You will hear it. Yeah, I’m like, I’m not gonna tell it to your face. But well, this week she was in Michigan visiting a friend for the weekends and we have two cats who are extremely needy. There can be insane and having to I spent the weekend with them honestly, looking at my arms right now, it’s just like, like the battle scars. Because like they, you know, they’re used to us both being at this apartment especially like after like, we got them right before the lockdown. So this is all they know, us being there all the time just for their needs. And it will just be this weekend and they just went insane. They just wanted my attention 24/7. And they’d come to my like the bed at 7AM. And they just like climb on it. And they’re just like, come on, feed me, wake up. So I let it go to get anything done during the day because of them. So what I’m saying is, you know, like, I would think that she should never travel or leave, again,.

Hoja Lopez 

That is how all husbands feel about when their wives leave. They’re like, you forced me to take care of my own children. And that’s not cool.

Mohanad Elshieky 

Exactly. I’m not here to do, do I also travel and leave her with the cats alone. Yeah, maybe I do that almost every weekend. But it happened to me now. And I think that is unfair.

Kiki Monique  46:09

I’m just depressed your cats didn’t jump up until 7AM. Mine are definitely 5am, like it’s jumping on my face. It’s time to eat. So your cat’s wait till 7AM, like, I’ll switch with you.

Hoja Lopez

Ophira, none of us have children. So we complain about what we can.

Ophira Eisenberg 

You know, I’ll just say this. I used to have a dog. Okay. And anytime anyone says to me, do you have a dog and I say used to have a dog. That’s a good way for people just to get wide eyed and sync back. That’s a good way to get an apology.

Mohanad Elshieky 

So if you’re what’s, what’s happening with you this week? Do you need an apology of someone? Do you apologize to someone what’s happening? You know

Ophira Eisenberg 

what, I’m going to switch gears because I’m so sick of apologizing. And I want many things to apologize to me. But I’m gonna go kind of big. Because you know, I guess I want the health care system and the pandemic to apologize to me at the same time, because I just found out that New York City is no longer giving free COVID tests. If you go to give a COVID test it costs because New York City, we’re a place where, you know, rates are rising a bit. And it’s obviously very dense and has many markers that during any kind of infectious disease, makes it just a vulnerable place, has decided that it is no longer a major threat. So you have to pay for your COVID test. But does that’s the insurance company that insurance companies clearly putting pressure on New York City to decide to do this. So you have to go, you can still get it for free. But you have to go to these little tents that are littered around and ask if they are run by the city or the state because the state for whatever millisecond is going to still offer them for free. So good luck, everybody.

Kiki Monique  48:02

That’s ridiculous for so many reasons. I just saw an alert pop up on my phone today of like a famous DJ Kay Slay that passed away from COVID. So it’s like okay, clearly, this is still a thing in New York, like one and I am so sick of insurance companies period. Like, I don’t know if you heard that story this weekend. It was a terrible story of guy who like ran down this girl like over and over. Like they hadn’t really Yeah, she was trying to take a picture of his license plate. And so he ran her down. He was a psycho. But the worst part of the story, which, surprisingly, isn’t her getting run over. It’s that she goes to the hospital. Her insurance company says because it was an unintentional act. We do not cover this. I’m like, I’m sorry, intentional act. Someone tried to murder me. This is exactly what my insurance should cover if someone tries to murder me. So I’m sure they’ll change course once it goes viral. But I might drop the name of that insurance company because I want them to go viral. I want people to know who this insurance company is so that we can all stop paying their premiums.

Hoja Lopez 

This is a call to action.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Yeah, that’s always good to leave with a little bit of like.

Hoja Lopez 

And I don’t know and I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I’m very angry. And I will take in this pent-up frustration and turn it into some kind of long-term disease. Thank you very much.

Ophira Eisenberg 

You’re gonna see a very aggressive tweet.

Hoja Lopez 

Ophira, thank you so much for joining us. This was a blast.

Ophira Eisenberg 

Thank you for having me.

Hoja Lopez 

This was so great. And where can people find you? I don’t follow you on Twitter, but I will. I will. I’m popping up my phone right now.

Ophira Eisenberg

Please do. I’m on all of the social media at @OphiraE if you can believe it, @Ophira was gone. However, I am at Ophira on Venmo. So who won?

Mohanad Elshieky 

You did.

Ophira Eisenberg 

And if I may I have a new comedy album coming out in a week. So exciting. It’s called plant-based jokes.

Hoja Lopez 

You know, so we’ll put our links in and make sure everybody can click on that. Thank you so much for joining us.

CREDITS

I’M SORRY is a Lemonada Media Original. The show is produced by Alex McOwen, supervising producer is Kryssy Pease. Our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our mix is by Kat Yore and theme music was composed by Xander Singh. If you like this show, please rate and review. And please don’t cancel us. You can find out more about our show at @LemonadaMedia on all social platforms, or follow us on Instagram at @imsorry_podcast. We’ll be back next week and until then be nice, play fair and always say I’m sorry. Thanks for listening!