Is Love Really Blind? We’ll See When We Hit Rewind!
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Long before shows like Love Is Blind and Blind Date caught our attention, The Ricki Lake Show set shallow singles up on blindfolded dates to see if they could find a love match without knowing what their date looked like. Ricki and Kalen discuss the three superficial guests featured in this episode: Tamara, who believes she can “sense ugly” through a blindfold, Don, who says it’s dumb to date someone you don’t find attractive, and Amanda, who doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with picking pretty guys. Plus, Ricki shares some of what she’s learned about love in her life so far and encourages Kalen to be more open to it in his.
Please note, Raised By Ricki contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
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Ricki Lake, Kalen Allen
Ricki Lake 00:14
Well, hello, hello everyone. Welcome to raise by Ricky. I am Ricki Lake and I’m with man. I’ve missed you, my friend, my co-host Kalen Allen, everyone.
Kalen Allen 00:25
Ricki Lake 00:27
I’m good. I’m a little bit you know, getting up and running on this thing. We’ve had a bit of a break. You’ve had a much more exciting break. Then. Then I, you’ve been all around the world, basically.
Kalen Allen 00:40
I have, I went on a European vacation for my birthday, honey. I was going with the wind and I lived it up. It was wonderful. I went to London, Paris and Barcelona. My favorite was Paris, Barcelona. First time I went when I was in college, I liked it. Like I’ve been to all these places before. You’ll see when I went the first time I was broken and broke. You know what I mean? So I was out there really, you know, just trying to make ends meet out there. So this time, I was like, I need to do it a little different. And really just enjoy it. And this is the first time that I’ve ever actually done something for my birthday. Usually I dread them. Usually I’m like, I don’t want to do anything. Leave me alone. Bah, bah, bah, I’m just gonna sit at home. But this year, I was like, No, I’m going to plan something. I’m going to go and it was wonderful.
Ricki Lake 01:30
Well, planning you did? I mean, the outfits alone, so how many suitcases did you bring with you?
Kalen Allen 01:35
So I took two full suitcases and a carry on in a backpack and I hired a stylist for the outfits because I was like, I need to give a look. I want three looks one for London one for Paris for Barcelona because I really need to turn it out for the girls.
Ricki Lake 01:48
Oh my god, no. Okay, so you were first in London. You tricked everybody? You tricked me too, I thought.
Kalen Allen 01:56
No, because the thing was, is that I wanted to build in time that I was able to both make content, enjoy the city but not feel rushed to edit and get stuff together to get it out to the world. You know what I mean? And so because like there’s also a complete vlog that I haven’t even released yet that I’m still editing, because I just wanted to be able to also live in the moment. And so I was like, I need to do this backwards so that I have more time to edit stuff. Now the only thing that I did post while I was there was Paris because I was like, well, I’m gonna take a little break. Shoot some stuff in Paris is where I’m spending my actual birthday. And I have to post on my birthday.
Ricki Lake 02:34
It was amazing. And I actually stayed at that hotel. It had just opened I believe. No, no, it was this was years ago. I was there years ago with my first husband. So that’s I mean, I got divorced from him in 2005.
Kalen Allen 02:56
Oh, I sent it to […]. Is that the same? What it look like when you walk inside.
Ricki Lake 03:05
I don’t remember the room but I remembered the view and the vantage point where the Eiffel Tower was. So I remember when you went on your short maybe there’s two different hotels. It’s near the […].
Kalen Allen 03:25
It was like a strip of all the other shops? So maybe it was the same. You don’t remember?
Ricki Lake 03:42
I don’t remember that. But I just when you said George okay, maybe.
Kalen Allen 03:48
May be the same. It may be the same. What did you do over the break?
Ricki Lake 03:52
I’m having the best time of my life doing almost nothing.
Kalen Allen 03:57
I knew that’s what she was gonna say.
Ricki Lake 04:00
And you know, like, so I celebrated my one year anniversary with Ross, now we didn’t do anything. I mean, we took my son to the airport. My son moved away. My son left LA and has moved. He’s going to be in New York, but traveling in Europe right now. Right now. He’s in Rome. He was in Lyon, France. For a few days. He was in London. Yeah, he’s 21. And he’s like, you know, has flown out of the nest. I’m happy to say it’s, so we took him to the airport. I mean, that’s what we did for our anniversary but I honestly we went to a family in San Diego. My husband’s family’s there. All his kids spent a ton of time with us here at the house. We have not gone on a honeymoon. We’ve been married a year we have not gone on a honeymoon because I you know where I live and every day is like a honeymoon. So we did a lot of weed smoking. You know, we did a lot of watching great TV seeing a bunch, my favorite which I don’t know if it would resonate with you because you’re just too young. You It’s called Fleishman Is in Trouble. You don’t even know what that is. It’s on. It’s brand new. And it’s Claire Danes, and oh my gosh, Jesse Eisenberg and lit Lizzie Kaplan. No to any of these big, she was in Mean Girls. Anyway, it’s a really, really beautiful story based on a book which I did not read. But I hear the book is great. And it’s about this divorce this guy getting divorced anyway, it’s super, it’s just, I mean, it’s a lot of like, entwined. You don’t know what’s going to happen. And anyone who’s been either like divorced or that have children, particularly you, it resonates and it was really powerful. So that was one thing I watched. We just got through White Lotus the new season. I actually have to say the new season. I didn’t like as much as..
Kalen Allen 05:54
I didn’t either. Thank you, Ricki Lake.
Ricki Lake 05:59
No hands down. Number one was so much better. And I like the second one too, but everyone’s saying about the second one.
Kalen Allen 06:06
Wait, wait, we’ll wait. Because this is what I felt about White Lotus season two. I felt as though the writing itself like the story was more thoughtful. I thought it like you could tell that the writers really took a lot of time to really make character development and stuff like that. But what I liked about season one was that it was campy. And also season was like I cared about all the characters, right? In season two. I was kind of like, okay.
Ricki Lake 06:36
Yeah, yeah, I didn’t find a lot of redeeming qualities in a lot of the characters in season two in season one, I was like rooting for everyone. You know, in this weird? It was, it was a genius. I can’t wait for season three and I want to just put it. I think I could. I mean, if Jennifer Coolidge. I think I could be Jennifer Coolidge light.
Kalen Allen 07:03
I already got the plot. I already got the plot. Okay. This is what it is. I want you to actually play Ricki Lake. But I want Ricki like to be the I’ll be the assistant.
Ricki Lake 07:19
Okay, amazing. Amazing. Well, I’m available. I hear it’s in Malaysia.
Kalen Allen 07:26
Like you going on a wellness retreat? I like that.
Ricki Lake 07:29
Well, I’m already also you know, on brand. I’m on a wellness plan started the new year, my husband and I, we yeah, you too?
Kalen Allen 07:37
Oh, no, no. I am kind of on a wellness thing. You know, I’m only drinking Coke and eating large french fries on Sunday now.
Ricki Lake 07:46
That sounds the opposite of a wellness plan. You’re cutting back is what you’re saying? I need to drop some lbs. I’ve been having too much fun. And Ross and I have made this commitment together. We haven’t had alcohol all month. We’re doing dry January. All right, we do. We do like our weed and we’re smoking our own weed that we grow on our property. And it’s amazing. I can go without food. I just need to smoke my weed at night. And see you every once in a while. I have so much more to say to you. And I want to also acknowledge that, you know, you’re losing your friend. I don’t want to bring it all down. But I’m so deeply, deeply sorry, for your loss, for the world’s loss. And yeah, I just would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that.
Kalen Allen 08:40
I think I already expected, you know, to bring it up. I mean, it’s kind of inevitable. And I’ve prepared myself to, you know, be able to talk about it. I mean, I haven’t really talked about it.
Ricki Lake 08:55
How you doing, how are you doing with it?
Kalen Allen 08:58
Well, there are, so at first it was really, really hard. It was really, really hard. When it all first happened, of course, I found out when the rest of the world found out. And so like I had woken up, I was going about my day doing everything. And then actually I got a text from Andy Lesnar, which was an executive producer at Ellen. And then he sent me the article, and it like literally had probably been out maybe five minutes at that point. And I think initially I was just in complete and utter shock. I was very, I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand it. I literally sat in my office because I was here when I found that and I probably just sat here for maybe like two hours just reading the article over and over again because I just I couldn’t believe it. And it was crazy because I just called Twitch that Friday before and he didn’t answer. And so I was just like, oh, you know, busy whatever me and Twitch, talk to, you know, regularly. And when he would come to New York, we would see each other about all and I think that’s what I’m also grateful for is that it wasn’t a case to where it was like somebody that I hadn’t been keeping in contact with that, you know, or whatever. It then once then I think I went through all the stages of grief. Because that entire week, there was even a day that I was just so angry. And I was so testy. And I was very moody about it, you know what I mean? It then there was a point where I was like, really sad about it. You know, I remember I even went to Mariah Carey that week. And I was like, do I go do I want to go? Do I feel like I cancelled a lot of stuff that we can didn’t go because I just didn’t, it didn’t feel right. But I think what eventually got me to a point of being like, continuing to figure out what to do next, or what was the next move? Was that I think, for me, me and Twitch our relationship. I think one also with the show, and us being, like, essentially like to have two of the only like, talent at the show, you know what I mean, but also being the only Black talent at the show. It was like, we really bonded in a way that, you know, other people probably wouldn’t even understand, you know, what I mean? So that’s why I wrote the statement, because I wanted the statement to really be something that was about our relationship about who we were, you know, what I mean, and not so much to go beyond the celebrity of it all to go beyond the fame, but talk about him as a human being. But I am very grateful for the friendship and the bond that Twitch and I had, and I knew that in our relationship, what we always did for each other was Lindy each other a laugh, you know, and so I think that was just like, I got to just continue to make people laugh, to entertain people to have fun, because that’s what we do for each other. Yeah, it was tough.
Ricki Lake 12:17
Yeah. I mean, you know, I know, I know, some of what you’re feeling having gone through it losing my loved one. But I also think your bond with him not only did you have this great friendship and this connection in this job together, but you also went through the turmoil of that show together, you know, right. And so you probably had just, you were soul brothers, you know?
Kalen Allen 12:38
We were like, we went through the ups and the downs and everything, you know, side by side. And yeah, it just is, it is funny, because when you texted me I think I even respond was like you’re probably the only one that I can talk to that understands this point of view, you know, that I directly know. But it was so shocking. It was really the last thing I would have never imagined.
Ricki Lake 13:07
It still is, yeah, my heart goes out to Alice and I reached out to her I said I you know, I would be of service to her in any way. And I you know, it does get easier as much as like the world I mean, he was I was obsessed with So You Think You Can Dance and them and their relationship, their love story and their children. I mean, we were all so invested in in their perfect life for seemingly perfect life. And mental health, man, mental health.
Kalen Allen 13:36
It’s tough. It’s a tough thing. It’s a tough concept. And you know, because even people asking why and stuff like that, it’s like, we will never know that. We will never know that. All that we can accept is that. Hopefully now in a in a better place. He doesn’t feel that same pain in what he felt here.
Ricki Lake 14:04
Okay, let’s take a little break. We’ll be right back. What do you say we lighten the mood. Let’s lighten it up and go back in time, shall we? What we have today?
Kalen Allen 14:27
Well, we haven’t done one of these in a while.
Ricki Lake 14:30
You’ve been begging for it. You’ve been begging for it.
Kalen Allen 14:32
You know, I love it. I love it. We’re doing another rewatch today. Now, personally, I loved this episode. I was in here cracking up. Let me get some background first. So this episode was recorded in December of 2001. And it aired in January. So this was after 9/11 and the headlines at this time was actually Apple had just launched I iTunes and I know right really groundbreaking when you think about especially in today’s.
Ricki Lake 15:05
So was the iPod out then, iTunes was made to make it’s more streamlined for Apple to put on the music through their brand.
Kalen Allen 15:22
Let me make sure I want to make sure that that’s correct for some reason my Google is still in French I don’t know why but iPod came in 2001, so yes, it says the iPod is owned […] I’m like why is this happening?
Ricki Lake 15:42
Okay, okay, I probably still have mine from that from then.
Kalen Allen 15:46
Really? I’ll probably do at my house in Kansas City, actually.
Ricki Lake 15:49
Really? Did you have that when you were six years old then?
Kalen Allen 15:53
Yeah, was that? Yeah, I had an iPod Touch. So that was a little bit out there because the original iPod wasn’t touchscreen. You know, the original iPod Touch was like the iPhone. It was yeah, there was like a regular iPod that was just like gray and then they had like the wheel wheel wheel. You scroll it? Yeah, I had a skinny iPod. It was like the really skinny one.
Ricki Lake 16:15
And what were you listening to then? What like you’re seven years old?
Kalen Allen 16:18
At that time? Well, I was broke. So I was definitely downloading music illegally. It was called LimeWire I was downloading. I probably had like Destiny’s Child like definitely Destiny’s Child at that time. If it’s 2001. No, Mariah hadn’t I didn’t really become a Mariah fan until the emancipation of Mimi came out. Which was 2006, I think.
Ricki Lake 16:54
Okay. Okay. All right. So tell us what were some of the music back?
Kalen Allen 17:00
Top songs, fallen by Alicia Keys. I have been on CD. So that was definitely on my iPod.
Ricki Lake 17:07
She was young then. Big coming out.
Kalen Allen 17:11
That was the first, that was the first Apple songs and a minor and fallen was on that album.
Ricki Lake 17:15
I remember her singing, playing that live at one of the shows. I remember her on the piano and her looking so beautiful. She had those. I think it was the braid.
Kalen Allen 17:27
She was the girl that did, it was, it wasn’t me by Shaggy.
Ricki Lake 17:49
It wasn’t me.
Kalen Allen 17:52
Ricki Lake 17:54
Shrek. Oh my god, Shrek that’s I mean, that was a class. You saw that movie.
Ricki Lake 18:03
Eddie Murphy was hilarious in that.
Kalen Allen 18:06
The Fast and the Furious and Ocean’s 11.
Ricki Lake 18:10
I never saw Fast and Furious or any of them either. And they got too many now. There’s too many. Right? It’s like once you miss the boat on one for me. Yeah, it’s not gonna have.
Kalen Allen 18:19
Too much going on. Oh, wait, but also, there was a people mag cover. George Harrison died from The Beatles.
Ricki Lake 18:27
Oh, do you know that I was actually in the house where he died. Like shortly after he died. I can’t remember the circumstances. Yeah, because he was he died in Paul McCartney’s house. He lived up coldwater. I think it was Coldwater Canyon. And I don’t know why he was there. They were selling it or they were and I was looking. I have no clue. But I was in the house and the piano like it was really cool. Like they’d said, Cool. It was sad. But it was like in that space. And it was, you know, it was really yeah, it was wild. So that was two that you said 2001.
Kalen Allen 18:59
Yeah, it was 2001. You know, I did not know the Stella McCartney was Paul McCartney’s daughter. I was in London, and I was doing a tour. And we was talking about shopping. And they was like, oh, and then Paul McCartney’s daughter’s stories right here and I was like, Who is that? And they said Stella McCartney. Stella. Stella McCartney?
Ricki Lake 19:21
It’s vegan. She doesn’t use leather. Do you know fun fact. Fun fact. When I was arrested with PETA for animal rights Paul McCartney, Paul and Linda McCartney sent me flowers and I was staying in London at the time and they sent me if they found me and sent me flowers. I always bring it back somehow to myself.
Kalen Allen 19:46
You ready now episode? Yeah. Okay, so the name of this episode is all you care about are hot baths and pretty faces enough today go on a date blindfolded. That was a long title.
Ricki Lake 19:59
That is long title and that you know that concept I think was like stolen from our show with these shows like love is blind. Don’t you think that they are like a derivative of that?
Kalen Allen 20:11
Yeah, I mean, there were, there are certain games that are played in this episode that I also think came from other dating games as well.
Ricki Lake 20:24
Let’s face it, there’s no real new ideas.
Kalen Allen 20:27
Right, everything’s kind of just copy manufacturer renewed whatever you know?
Ricki Lake 20:32
But this show you enjoyed?
Kalen Allen 20:35
So it taped on December 13 2001 and it aired on January 2, two days before my birthday.
Ricki Lake 20:45
So tell us tell us what happens.
Kalen Allen 20:48
So the description of the episode is we meet picky singles who only care about looks when searching for a partner. They’re getting set up on blindfold dates to determine if love is truly blind or if they’re as shallow as their friends think they are. Okay, yeah. So we the first story we had, it was diamond and Tamiya right? Yeah, Diamond was like my friend Tamir only cares about look, she’s very picky. Even when it comes to like somebody’s braids like they hair has to be clean. There was another guy that came out and she was like, I don’t like him because he got a ponytail. He too pretty for me. And so Tamara’s choice was resolved right. And Mossad was real nice, tall Black man.
Ricki Lake 21:35
Would have been your choice?
Kalen Allen 21:37
Ricki, we can talk about me. We talk about Tamara. Okay, let’s get through Tamara first. Okay, so the best choice was Rashad. And you’re so funny is when the guys came out. I admitted I said I know exactly who should go pick. I know exactly who’s to go pick. Then Ricki your choice was to was to Takim. But what was really the gag about this was the fact that after the date Tamara enjoyed the date with Takim more than she did Rashad.
Ricki Lake 22:12
You’re leaving the party after this. She’s blindfolded on these dates, right? So yeah. So she picked from the three that she could see. And then we went and picked another guy that she couldn’t see she was blindfolded.
Kalen Allen 22:23
Yes, yes. Well, okay. So we got a clip. Okay, so you bring out the first Takim and I just, we need to hear what she thinks about going on a date blindfolded. Do you think you can smell ugly?
Ricki Lake 22:40
No, I don’t think you can smell ugly. And I also don’t think I mean, she’s clearly very shallow. And you know, a relationship is so much more than someone’s looks. And yeah, look at me from then. That’s 20 years ago, 21 years ago, right? Looks fade. We change physically. It’s what’s in here, right? It’s what’s in here.
Kalen Allen 23:24
Now of the guy. Who would you have picked?
Ricki Lake 23:26
I mean, okay. I mean, I never really got to know them. But obviously, that one was the build one was like the one that came out the tight sweater. I mean, maybe initially, he would have gotten my attention first. Chances are, he wouldn’t have kept my attention. I don’t think but, um, but yeah, but I like her. I like her honesty. And, you know, she was a good sport. And as one of these guys.
Kalen Allen 23:52
Yeah, I do think that afterwards after she came back, and she still picked the other guy. I didn’t like her attitude about it afterwards. Because I was like, girl, you’re missing the point. You’re missing the point. You know what I mean? To be like, like, I would have liked if she would have been like, okay, I see what she’s saying. I get it. You know what I mean? Like, you can still have your shallow, now she just act and stuff.
Kalen Allen 23:55
She did not evolve during the hour. What about our next couple?
Kalen Allen 24:25
Is it Alita was her name?
Ricki Lake 24:28
That’s the name her name, Alita.
Kalen Allen 24:30
That’s an interesting name. I like that name. Alita and Don right. Now if you listen to this when you hear Alita you think that’s the Black woman. It’s not this is a White woman.
Ricki Lake 24:40
She’s got kind of a mullet going.
Kalen Allen 24:42
It kinda reminds me of Ellen’s hairdo, like when she was doing like, stand up. Right? Yeah, yeah. So she looked like so we got Alita and we got Don. Now what was really funny about a leader and Don was that Alita was the ex of dawn and said that he was extremely shallow and missed out on her right now she said that he thought that she wasn’t pretty enough and says that Don showed her picture to his dad who complimented Alita but Don replied with yeah, she’s pretty cute. Now she says he’s too skinny and has double standards. Now you said before Don came out was like Don it’d be fine when he walked out. Yeah, came out. Don was not getting fine.
Ricki Lake 25:26
Painted a picture like this guy must be something else for him to be setting this like the bar so high for a woman that he needs to be with. And he is not all that as we would stay back then.
Kalen Allen 25:37
Yes, now Don comes out. And Don is very lanky, he got glasses, got a big old mustache. Don says he doesn’t want anyone overweight. He thinks he’s superior to fat people. And he will not be seen with a fat girl and says that anyone who date someone that they don’t find attractive is stupid. And he says he wants skinny but not too skinny.
Kalen Allen 26:05
And then you brought out three women, but this is by..
Ricki Lake 26:11
It’s like the old style with the wall. He couldn’t see them. And yeah, yeah, we played a little quickie, question back and forth. And who did he pick?
Kalen Allen 26:20
He picked number two, which he said he wanted to pick number one, but he picked number two. Do we have a clip of that?
Ricki Lake 26:24
Yeah, I think we do.
Kalen Allen 27:01
Yes. How was it possible? For her to say pussy on daytime television?
Ricki Lake 27:07
I don’t know. I have no idea. Did this show feel dated? If you just saw this out of the blue? Does it look like it’s 20 years ago to you?
Kalen Allen 27:20
Well, I think the hard thing about it is, I don’t necessarily know if it was dated. Because when I watched it, I was like, I want this on the air right now. Like, I want to see this. But then in my mind, I was like, what’s whole heart and what’s really tricky when we talk about dating and you’re talking about relationships and attractiveness is so subjective, that it can become offensive. Like for instance, like when we had the first people Diamond and Tamara like, I kind of feel bad for to Takim, because I was like, everybody ever liked the king is a less than a man than Rashad because of whatever physical appearance or whatever, you know what I mean? So that part is like kind of shitty, you know what I mean? Right? Right. Right. You feel it. But how do you do a show like this? You know, or how do you do a topic like this without it somewhat offending somebody?
Ricki Lake 28:08
Right. And stereotypes and yeah, I mean, but I wonder if it’s like, racy enough for today, you know?
Kalen Allen 28:15
Well, I think what I really enjoyed about this specific episode was the audience participation. It felt such like an, like, it was entertainment for everybody all around, you know what I mean? By everybody within it.
Ricki Lake 28:29
Yeah, they’ve didn’t seem to care what happened to these people. Alright, we’re gonna take a quick break. When we come back we’ll hear about the third blind dates. Should we go to the third couple?
Kalen Allen 28:49
We can go to the third couple because I know you want to, I know you have more questions for me when it came to dating so.
Ricki Lake 28:55
I wanted to talk about that with you because that was really. I want to know where it came from.
Kalen Allen 29:00
Right. But since you know our job is to get to them so we’ll get to that. Here we go. Story number three. So we got Jason and Amanda right. Okay, that this is a little tricky. So Jason says his roommate Amanda is seriously shallow. Her last major relationship they were together five years cheated on her 31 times. That’s crazy girl 31 time. Okay, says she’s his friend and wants her to be in a good relationship. But he also admits that one drunk night the two hands six but he claims they don’t remember it and there are no feelings attached they roommates. That was a little interesting to me. Because it kind of felt like maybe Jason has some feelings for Amanda. You know what I mean? It was kind of awkward to see her like with these other men and he just sitting there I was like.
Ricki Lake 29:52
Have you ever hooked up with a friend and not remembered it?
Kalen Allen 29:57
I don’t think I’ve ever hooked up with a friend. Not somebody that I was like friends with first they hooked up.
Ricki Lake 30:03
But isn’t that how relationships start a lot of the time is your friends and then you see them differently?
Kalen Allen 30:09
I don’t know it’s real different for the gays. Amanda says she isn’t shallow just because she has standards. I ain’t too picky, and that there’s nothing wrong with picking pretty guys. Now Ricki brings out three guys in the silhouette form for Amanda to choose from after asking her questions, so we don’t see any of them. Right. So Amanda goes on a date with a number three, right? Yeah, who turns out to be Wyatt, he’s a travel department staff and they had a genuine connection. They even kissed on the date. And she says they’re going out again that exact night.
Ricki Lake 30:42
I remember Wyatt, I remember. I didn’t remember his name. But when I watched the clip, I was like, oh, yeah. oh, yeah. I’m losing the trap. We did a lot of times put people from behind the scenes in front of the camera. Oh, a lot. A lot of our producers went on dates Andrew Scheer, who we have to have on at some point we set him up. He still he says he still gets recognized. 20 years later.
Kalen Allen 31:05
That’s so cool. Let’s, let’s play it. I love him for her. She loved it.
Ricki Lake 32:12
We did a mitzvah. What did you think of them?
Kalen Allen 32:15
I liked them together. I think they were my favorite. Yeah. I actually did like Don too. I like Don, did you like the Don?
Ricki Lake 32:24
Don was entertaining. He was alright.
Kalen Allen 32:27
Don also didn’t feel as shallow as I think he was like, the way he was introduced to us. You know what I mean? He didn’t feel that bad. Yes, she was doing a lot.
Ricki Lake 32:40
I wonder God, it’s just me. So nice to blink. And like, where are these people? Like, what happened to them? Did she settle down? Is she with an ugly guy? I want to know.
Kalen Allen 32:49
Now Tamara did make a good point when she was talking about like hair and physical appearance. She was like, if I as a woman has have to do all this to keep myself up and keep myself together. They should too. I was like, hold on. That’s a valid point.
Kalen Allen 32:55
She has a good point.
Kalen Allen 33:06
That’s a valid point.
Ricki Lake 33:08
All right. So let’s Can we talk about your theory about love, because you put up this tweet and my connection to you and me is like, Okay, we’re going back to work tomorrow, we’re talking about the show. Is it connected, but it really wasn’t. Okay, so read that. I want to find the tweet. So I have it.
Kalen Allen 33:22
So I said on the tweet, I said, I don’t necessarily know if I believe like, I believe that everyone has a match in this world. But I do not necessarily believe that everyone will end up meeting or being with that person. Because I just think there are so many different circumstances the world is so big that chances are probability is that you may not meet that person, you know what I mean? And I don’t necessarily know if everyone will get to experience love like that in their lives. And I also feel like sometimes love when you talk about the world, for instance, it’s like, for you, right? It’s like now not really doing much in Hollywood not doing the show and then like, and now you’re happily married, right? But in my opinion, at least looking in it feels almost like it’s a choice. You know, it’s like two roads. It’s like you have one or you can have the other.
Ricki Lake 34:22
You choose love or careers what you’re saying you can have both?
Kalen Allen 34:25
Yeah, someone like that. I don’t know. I have a very complicated view about it, though. You know what I mean?
Ricki Lake 34:31
Is that because you can you ever been in love? And what happened? Like, can you say what happened?
Kalen Allen 34:40
Yes, I think I think and I do want to say that as someone that is only 27, so I’m not in a place where I’m like, I’m not. This is so hard. I have had experiences in day eating that have just not been favorable or not have maybe my best. And I think when I look at the overall concept of love and dating, I’m like, anytime a man has been in my life, it has been hell for me. I have not enjoyed it. It has not been fun. It as why? Well, one, I think there are many layers to it. I think my age plays a big part of that. But more so because of me being 27 already pretty stable in my career, me also having the self confidence that I have, in knowing who I am, you know, I think I am in a place in life that a lot of people usually don’t get there until you know, they’re older, or something like that. I think also, the trauma that I’ve experienced in my life has also forced me to grow up, you know, I mean, as a 27 year old, yes, I still have a lot of maturity and life to live, just age wise, you know, but there are also life experiences that I’ve had, that has forced me to grow up and to, you know, just operate a little differently than other people around my age. I think also being black and gay plays a big role in in dating and how that influences you know, how that works as well.
Ricki Lake 36:19
Hmm. Interesting, but I mean, do you want my, my unsolicited advice, sort of hidden jerk reaction? I just think you need to be open. And not so opinionated? Because you are young. And yes, you have had, you know, an extraordinary experience of life thus far like your career, and it’s unique. Not a lot of people can experience that. But I, I do believe it’s possible to have deep fulfilling love and career, I don’t think you’d have to choose. And I do think it’s coming for you. And I’ve had, I mean, I’ve had great love in my life. I’ve had, you know, I’ve been married, you know, multiple times, this is my third and last marriage. And I’m grateful for all of those relationships. And yes, my first marriage, I was deep in the show, it was all a married, met and married him the first season of the show, and got divorced, the last season of the show. So I mean, throughout that whole journey, he and I were together. And I grew so much from that relationship.
Kalen Allen 37:22
Because and I think that’s something that that also is like you really love, right. And this is a really honest thing for me. And it’s something that I usually don’t talk about, only because I’ve never, I, I guess because I’m just very protective over the story itself. I think a lot of my love issues actually stems from my mother. And the reason why I say that is you know, coming out at the beginning, and I do want to make sure that I make it, make it know that we’ve come a long way since then. And even though even though she’s a very different person, now, I still live with a lot of the scars and the baggage from coming out and not being accepted. And being on my own for so long and spending holidays by myself is that I have just become so comfortable with being by myself. That is the safer option. Because I think in a way, I felt for a very long time, that if my mother, this person that is supposed to love me unconditionally can make a decision to not do that. Why would I allow some stranger that has no ties to me into my life to do the same? And I think that’s a big part of it, you know, and I’ve went to therapy and I’ve talked about it and I’ve tried to unpack that and, and figure out why that is. But for some reason I’ve just become so set on just being by myself that I don’t even entertain the option of being anything other than that.
Ricki Lake 39:06
Yeah, I mean, that is really, really honest. And yeah, I get I get it, I get it. So it’s yeah, it’s like it’s out of fear really fear of being hurt again.
Kalen Allen 39:17
Yeah, because I think I think I could easily if I wanted to be in relationship today, I’m pretty sure I could, you know, I need to say yes to somebody, you know what I mean? But I think I think I know this is me it’s like as soon as I start dating someone I think I immediately start running tests on them in order to see in a moment they do something shady or something that doesn’t that it feels doesn’t feel right or triggers me I’m like Okay, gotta go because I’m not doing this. You know what I mean?
Ricki Lake 39:41
Do you want love like if you could, you know, is it something you desire to have partnership?
Kalen Allen 39:52
I do. You know, I mean in the reason why I say that is because it’s like, you know, I get to have some amazing experiences. I get to do some amazing things. And sometimes it’s hard that I don’t get to share that with anybody. You know what I mean? Like, I go and do all these amazing things, and I come home and it’s just me and the dogs. You know what I mean? Yeah, or like, or like, I get invited to somewhere and it’s got to do. And they’re like, well, who’s your plus one? Now I gotta go through the Rolodex and be like, okay, well, who I want to take, you know what I mean? Yeah, and not feeling like I have. I think, also, I like taking care of people, you know. So it’s like, I do love throwing parties and taking care of friends and going on trips with friends and experiencing life with people and stuff like that. Like, I do know that. Like, I love cooking for people. I love doing all those things. But I’m not always the best at receiving love. I’m very much like, You’re doing too much, right? I mean, I can even say like, even meat coming to your house was a big step for me. I don’t know why I just don’t. It’s almost like I keep people at a distance. I can honestly say out of out of all the people that I’ve probably met in Hollywood and worked with, especially that are like, celebrities, you are probably the only person I’ve really allowed to get close to.
Ricki Lake 41:15
Well, I’m honored. I’m honored. And you are I mean, I in my head, my wheels are turning I like I want to I want to find you find new someone because you are so lovable. And I think once you once you let your guard down and you trust and you just experience. I mean, I think a whole new world could open up for you. Because yes, I do love, love. And at this point in my life, I wanted partnership I’ve had success, I’ve been raised my children. I’ve like been in the rat race. And it’s like, this is like, you know, this is the time in my life where I just want to share my beautiful abundant life with someone. And I’m so grateful that I found my perfect person he is Ross’s my he was meant to be I believe in destiny, I believe in all of it. You know, and I just think you’re so special. I love that you feel close to me. And I hope you know, I would do anything for you. But I want I want love for you because I think don’t be shut down to it honestly, because, you know, it’s the best, it’s the best part of my life. Right? Like, I look back on my amazing 54 years and I have never been more content and happy. And yeah.
Kalen Allen 42:29
I also will say I also will say in my dating is that one thing that I am proud that I’ve never been is really shallow in it. You know, I kind of open myself to any experience, and money also does not ever play a role in and in fact, I don’t tend to like to date people that come from the same economic background as me or come from the same world as Hollywood, because a lot of times they don’t have the same groundedness that I have, right? You know what I mean? Or like they say things that, that just feel out of touch with life. And then I’m like, I don’t like that. Like that doesn’t feel good to me. You know what I mean? So I will say that I am very mindful of that. But I am a tough critic.
Ricki Lake 43:12
You’re just getting better as you get older to you’re going to have such a good understanding of yourself and I have an idea. Maybe we should bring back like an old retro show like we talked about.
Kalen Allen 43:27
recaps of people. You know, it’s so funny that when I watched this episode, I knew we were gonna have this conversation. I was like, honestly, we probably should have got like my friends on this episode so that they can be honest about my tape or what I tend to do you know what I mean?
Ricki Lake 43:40
Well, that may be for another episode. I think we can wrap it up. I think this was fun. We went all different places. We went back in time, we talked about love. We talked about where we are for 2023, it’s so good to see you and talk with you. Kailyn again, it’s been too long.
Kalen Allen 44:01
I love your Ricki Lake.
Ricki Lake 44:02
I love you, too. Thank you so much for listening, guys. If you like what you hear, please subscribe, right? Please subscribe. You can get all the episodes every Thursday. and rate and review if you don’t mind too.
Kalen Allen 44:14
Please, we would love that.
One last thing, there’s even more Raise By Ricki with Lemonada Premium. We do our premium episodes AMA style where you get to ask me anything. And earlier this week you asked me what was the moment I actually felt famous and it was so fun to answer that and remember that night. Now if you want to find out what my answer was, you should subscribe to Lemonada Premium right now in Apple podcasts. Raised by Ricki with Ricki Lake and Kalen Allen is a Lemonada Media Original. This show is produced by Claire Jones and Nancy Rosenbaum. Our associate producer is Tiffany Buoy. Our senior director of new content is Rachel Neill, VP of weekly production is Steve Nelson and our executive producers Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer and DeRay McKesson, and the show is mixed by Johnny Vince Evans. Music is written and produced by Jellybean Benitez, Jason Peralta and Jay Coos for Jelly Bean Productions.