Overthinking My First Kiss (with Paul Feig)
Legendary director, writer, and actor Paul Feig joins me for our very first episode. Note to listeners: he’s in a seven-piece suit, and I’m in sweatpants. It’s great. You’ll hear all about my first kiss, and Paul’s own awkward romances (like the ones that inspired his show “Freaks and Geeks”). Plus, Paul shares his experiences from “The Office.” I learn the creative process doesn’t really get easier, even after decades in the industry.
Please note, Funny Cuz It’s True contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.
Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.
Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows: lemonadamedia.com/sponsors
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Elyse Myers, Paul Feig
Elyse Myers 00:00
What was my first kiss? Great question, I would love to tell you, I was lucky enough to share my first kiss with someone that like quickly became my best friend and favorite person, but it didn’t actually end up happening until I was in the 10th grade. So to fully understand why this was such a big deal, we are going to have to go back to the sixth grade. AJ Leone, he was one of those people that was so hot, but so nerdy all at the same time. And he knew it but not like a cocky way just like a self-aware kind of way where he definitely knew he held the keys to literally every kingdom, but use them wisely. This was the man I had a crush on for like the majority of my life up until this point, but unfortunately, he did not have a crush on me. So we just became best friends. We end up transitioning from like a crusher or crushy type situation to like a full blown best friendship. I’m talking movie marathons, epic walks, phone calls about gossip photoshoots with someone’s random digital camera and like a pile of rocks in your neighborhood that you think look really artsy. The whole shebang. This went on for years and there were moments where I was like, This is all I need. Who needs a boyfriend when you have AJ. As time went on feelings got like a little confusing. I liked him that he liked me then we liked each other, but we didn’t want to. It was like the picture perfect young adult coming of age love story. I literally couldn’t have written it better if I tried. So after hearing just date already enough times from our close friends and family, we finally dated fine. We’re dating reluctantly, we’re dating. But the weirdest part was, it just wasn’t weird. Because nothing changed. The thing that’s like supposed to change where you’re like, playing kissy face and finding excuses to be alone, so you can like make out for as long as you can possibly hold your breath. Yeah, none of that existed, because we simply really weren’t his best friends. But after answering the same question over and over and over again with like, No, we haven’t kissed yet. Thank you so much for asking. We just had to call a business meeting. Essentially, we just sat each other down. And we were like, Listen, this is not good for our brand. People are gonna start wondering why we haven’t kissed yet. We have to kiss at some point. Yes, we both agreed. It has to happen soon. So Valentine’s day rolls around. And we both decide. This is a convenient time to have our first kiss. So we get dropped off to like a romantic pizza dinner by his parents, by the way. And when I tell you that no words were spoken at this dinner, no words. Complete silence Just us eating pizza in silence. I don’t think either of us could have Fathom talking about anything other than it’s like this impending anxiety of us having our first kiss. But the only thing weirder than not talking at all would be to talk about your upcoming first kiss with the person you will literally be kissing sitting across the table from you. So it was radio silence as we munched on this pizza, his dad picks us up from dinner and drives us back to my mom’s apartment where the kiss for sure will be going down. I know it AJ knows it. His dad knows it. Strangers like passing us on the street can probably tell that there will be having a first kiss and like the general vicinity, you can just feel it in the air. It’s horrible. We get out of the car and we walk into the apartment complex. We write up the elevator in complete silence by the way, and I’m just like immediately regretting that my mom chose the apartment. That’s like the furthest possible point from the elevator that 45 Second walk felt like an absolute eternity. We finally get to the door. And I think I say something out loud to the effect of like, well, here it is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Without skipping a beat, sweet, sweet AJ post chapstick out of his left pocket. He does a little spin move away from me and puts the chapstick on facing away and then spins right back to me. By the way that spin had like more finesse than I will ever know in my entire life. To buy us more time. He offered me Chapstick and I was so nervous. I think I like gestured towards it like now I’m trying to quit thank you so much. So finally I just said out loud. Okay, here it goes. I leaned in because if I did not get this over with soon I would be dying. A human being that did not ever get kissed. It was now our never it was never going to happen if it wasn’t now. So I just leaned in and our lips touched. We hold them for two seconds, One Mississippi, two Mississippi, and we pull away. Was it great? I don’t know. But we did it. And we did it four more times after that. And then we broke up because we don’t really like kissing and AJ actually came out of the closet shortly after that. So thank you.
Elyse Myers 04:43
Hello, and welcome to my very first episode of Funny Cuz It’s True. I’m Elyse Myers. We did it. I made the podcast, you found it and we made it and it’s happening. And this is it right now. This is the first episode and this is my theme song. Okay actually, can you just pretend that you’re listening to a fully complete theme song here, I got really in my head. And I tried to make it perfect. And I couldn’t. So this is going to be the theme song right here. Listen, this has been a journey, and I have been a little nervous and a little scared. But we’re here and I’m so happy about it. And I’ve already said it, but I’m gonna say it again. It’s happening, whether we want it or not, it’s happening. The process of this whole thing doing things scared. That’s what we’re going to talk about. Each week on the show. I’m talking to comedians, pop culture icons, and people I think you just need to hear from about the not so funny moments that have become funny over time. Because I gotta say, when you’re sitting across from one of your idols, sweating, just huge pit stains in your favorite shirt replaying the weird way you just asked a question. It is so nice to hear them talk about their own experience, meeting their idols for the first time and the pit stains that they had on their favorite shirt, because there’s awkward and hard moments that keep us up at night. We all have them, Lance Bass, he has him. Caitlin Bristow, she for sure has them and we are going to hear them all. We’re starting off with none other than Paul Feig. Paul is an author, a TV and movie mogul. He created the hit show Freaks and Geeks directed episodes of The Office, Parks and Rec. He’s the executive producer on episodes of the TV series. Welcome to flach. And that’s not it, you know, bridesmaids, that movie. Yeah, he directed that. His newest film, The School for Good and Evil is coming out in October, and he’s got a new book coming in November called cocktail time. Very excited about that. So you could say he’s pretty busy. There are two things about this interview that are funny because they’re true. Number one, I was in sweatpants, Paul. Yeah, he was in a seven piece suit. Did I know what a seven piece suit was before I met him? Absolutely not. I googled it later, but I nodded like I did. Number two, I completely derailed our conversation from the original outline. I had to ask him questions about the office. It actually turned out way better than anything I originally planned. Perfect. Okay, so with that, let’s just get into it. Okay, Paul Feig. Hi, how are you?
Paul Feig 07:12
I’m good. How are you? It’s good to talk to you.
Elyse Myers 07:14
I’m good. For those that don’t know, Paul Feig is actually the creator and owner of Powderkeg, who produces my podcast. And so first, Paul, I just actually wanted to say thank you, because it’s really cool that you take a chance on me and, it’s awesome to be here.
Paul Feig 07:29
It’s easy to take a chance on you because you’re awesome.
Elyse Myers 07:31
Thank you. This this week, we’re kind of chatting about disastrous dates. Yes. And I know you mentioned a little bit about Freaks and Geeks. And I know that, that history of that show was very closely based on your experience with your life and your childhood and I would honestly just kind of love to hear your backstory with dating, crushing like, what were what kind of person were you when you fell in love and had a crush on people?
Paul Feig 07:56
Well, I mean, I fell in love very easily. I constantly had crushes. But I was such a chicken. I never talked to the people. I had crushes. Yeah, no, totally. So it’s all from afar. And of course, you know, the whoever’s unattainable because of you know, it’s funny, like, the idea that people are unattainable back then is so clear to you, you know, but as you get older, you’re like, oh, you know, it’s always that thing. You always hear people go to their reunion and you find out that, you know, the girl you would love was like I was in love with you, too, is like one, although I do think that’s a myth.
Elyse Myers 08:30
And also you realize, like, they’re just people to when you meet them. 10 years later, you’re like, oh, you’re not as cool as I thought you were or like, you’re kind of a jerk. Okay, pause, completely contradictory to what I just said, I actually do not believe my own self here. I for sure would go back to school and be just as terrified of everybody as I was when I was in school with them. This like magical air of confidence would not sweep over me. And I would not suddenly think that they are just normal people the way that they really are. I still would be nervous around them. Okay, keep playing.
Paul Feig 08:58
Everything I thought was cool about you is actually what makes you somebody I would probably break up with the minute we actually are in a relationship. But I was really into kind of showering people with gifts, you know? Yeah, I mean, that was I thought I could buy love, you know, which is that’s a really healthy attitude. Yeah. So I remember when I was in junior high, our class was weird. They would set up two classes on opposite sides of this big room. So we were facing each other the two classes. And there’s one girl I was just in love with, you know, never had the nerve to talk to her. But told my mom at one point like, oh, I’m in love with this girl. And she’s like, she pulls out this this bracelet. She’s like, this was my grandmother’s and she gave them. You know, and it’s a very special and if you have a girl you love I want you to give this to her. She just assumed it was somebody I knew.
Elyse Myers 09:48
Right? Not a stranger that you thought was like cute from afar.
Paul Feig 09:51
Totally. So I wrapped it up in a piece of paper and I left it on her desk.
Elyse Myers 09:57
You just let her find it?
Paul Feig 09:58
Oh yeah, totally like has no yeah, I bought really like you. And I remember sitting there and she came in late and so everybody’s like there and I’m just staring my heart’s pounding. And she sits down and she looks this thing she opens up looks. She looks across at me. I looked down immediately. Never look up again. And then she never says anything to me about the bracelet. I never saw that bracelet again.
Elyse Myers 10:23
You are joking me right now. It makes sense though. Because your mom sounds like she was get a gift give her so that she passed it to you. And then she was like be a gift giver. That’s like what you did every time you liked someone were you like I’m just going to find your favorite thing buy it for you and hope that you like me.
Paul Feig 10:39
Yeah, totally. Oh god, I still cringe when I think about this thing. I was a freshman in high school. And my lab partner in science class was this girl. And I was in love with different girl. And she at the time there was an Olivia Newton John’s on called I honestly love you. And that was she we were talking because he was we actually kind of friendly. And so she was like, Oh, I love that song is my favorite song. I wanted to buy the you know, the single this back when he bought singles. And she was like, wow, I can’t afford it. So I’m like, I’m in. So I go and I buy the single for her. And so I show the next day and like, Oh, hey, you know, I got this for you. And she’s like, Oh my God, and she’s so happy. She kisses me on the cheek. Which if you’re like you and I who fall in love so easily. That’s like literally like, you know, we’re married. Just proposed marriage.
Elyse Myers 11:30
I think that we are one now.
Paul Feig 11:32
I’m telling you. So I played completely cool. Like, hey, but then I go home and that night, I’m like, I can’t just let this go. I write a note to her saying, hey, I just want to say thanks for the kiss. So the next day I give her the note. She reads it in this, she’s weird. And then she’s never not weird with me for the rest of the time that we’re in school.
Elyse Myers 12:00
So it was just a thank you kiss. It wasn’t, it wasn’t like I like you?
Paul Feig 12:04
It was just oh, so excited. Yeah, like, yeah, like a brotherly sisterly kiss on the cheek. Yeah.
Elyse Myers 12:10
Would you consider that your first kiss?
Paul Feig 12:12
Yeah, I would actually. Right on my cheek.
Elyse Myers 12:16
My heart. So that was kind of your thing. You were like, I just have crushes. And that’s I anybody that like, pays me attention is like the person that I like, that was me as a kid. I my type. If you look at the history of people that I’ve dated, no one can really figure out like what my type is. And I think it’s just that if you like me, I like you. That was kind of what it was. When I was younger. I think I just was so like, hungry for somebody be like, you are so cool. And I’m like, Yeah, you know what, I think you’re cool, too. Let’s date and then it was always like a few months and then it wouldn’t work because it wasn’t the person then you’d move on and do it all over again. Yeah, but gifts were not my thing. I will say I like really struggle with receiving gifts. I always get really awkward about it. And I’m like, oh my god, someone’s spent money on this. This is so uncomfortable. So it’s really interesting. We are very different in that way.
Paul Feig 13:04
Sadly, I had the shallow boy thing of like, oh, I like her because she’s got blonde hair, or whatever. But the minute you did find out that somebody the crush on you all that went out the window and it didn’t matter what they look like what that person likes.
Elyse Myers 13:18
Yeah, this person likes me. Yeah, standards are high until it gets down to it and you’re like, oh, wait, actually, I’m just gonna want someone that wants me. And am I right in remembering that this is what the first episode of Freaks and Geeks is based off of? Correct?
Paul Feig 13:34
So people that don’t know the story of freaks and geeks like what would you kind of describe in like a couple of sentences like what take all of that show as?
Paul Feig 13:34
No, that that was based on when I was a freshman. I was in love with the head cheerleader. But again, from afar, I never even talked to her. It just likes you so I thought she was so pretty. And so finally the day of the homecoming I’m like, I should ask you to dance. Like, you know, clearly she’s got a day so I worked up the nerve to go up and ask her and she’s like, Oh, that’s so sweet. But you know Bill asked me a month ago, like okay, but yeah, just like but I did it and it’s kind of the celebration I did so I’ve actually yeah, that’s in the open at the pilot episode of freaks and geeks.
Paul Feig 13:52
It was to do a show about the people I knew in high school which was the all the burnouts in the nerd and then I was like nerds or geeks. I don’t really liked that. We were just like the awkward underdeveloped kids, you know, there’s the mature kids were making out the hallway, you know, and then the jocks and yeah, then there was the burnouts and us and they were outsiders, and we were outsiders. So we all kind of met in drama class. Yeah, so it really just didn’t show by that because I got tired of watching all these high schools show quote unquote, high school shows are about like, they were like soap operas and everybody’s cool with having sex and now they’re all these relationship problems of like, we’re just trying to get through the day with get a beat up, you know?
Elyse Myers 15:00
So real quick, I have never related to anything more than what Paul just said, I was the most uncomfortable human being from birth until like 18 years old. And so the fact that Paul wanted to highlight that feeling in, in school and in his show, like, I really appreciate that. And honestly, the first time I ever saw the show Freaks and Geeks, it was when I just had graduated high school. And I remembered saying out loud to the person that introduced me to the show. I wish I would have seen this show when I was in school, because it would have made me feel a lot less alone. And to hear literally, the creator of that show explained to me that that’s pretty much the whole point of why he created it. Like, that was really powerful for me, and I don’t think I was able to fully wrap my head around it as it was happening. But hearing this like, yeah, that was just a much bigger moment than I think I really realized as it was happening. Okay. How much of that show was actually your story? Like, did you like, it was a lot of the episodes just like your experience?
Paul Feig 16:15
Well, the show was set up as it basically is a story of Sam and Lindsey, who were brother and sister, I was an only child. So Sam’s story all really kind of mirrored my experience. But I always wished I had an older sister. I just like if I had a cooler older sister, that’d be the greatest. So when I created the show, I invented an older sister for myself.
Elyse Myers 16:38
So you live the life he wanted to as a kid through that.
Paul Feig 16:41
Yeah, totally. Yeah. And then again, based on you know, what happened was I set it up, you know, kind of based on what how I grew up, and all the people I knew. But then when we brought writers on, we did this two week, little session before we actually started writing where we just I wrote up a big questionnaire of like, what’s the craziest thing that happened to you in high school? Who did you love? Who do you hate? And everybody filled it out. We spent two weeks just telling stories, embarrassing stories. And that’s where we called all the stories for the first season from.
Elyse Myers 17:11
Wow, how many writers wrote on that show?
Paul Feig 17:13
We got a lot we had, like, 10? I think we had 10. Or even though a couple more in the writers room?
Elyse Myers 17:21
Do you find like I’ve always been curious to know kind of what goes on in a writers room. But like from your experience being on that show? What was that like? How much input does everybody actually have at once? Hold on before, before Paul Feig answers this question. I completely, intentionally derailed this whole conversation from talking about disastrous dates to hearing his experience as a writer on his show, because why the hell not? I love writing. I love the idea of being in a writers room, which also it scares me deeply. And if you asked me to be in one, I’d probably say no, three times before I said, yes. But like, was it the right question to ask? Yeah, absolutely. It’s my podcast. So okay, perfect. What was that like? How much input does everybody actually have at once?
Paul Feig 18:13
I had a hard time with it. I mean, I loved everybody. And it was cool. But I was, you know, when we first started the show, I said to Judd Apatow, who was my friend, and who produced it with me. I was like, let’s just write them all. We need a writing staff. He’s like, he loves writing staff. So he’s like, we gotta get people in there for ideas. And I was like, okay, so but I wasn’t I was never good at you know, there’s a thing that happens writers rooms where basically they put the script up, and then you put it up on the screen, and then the head writer kind of goes through and go, let let’s top this joke, let you know, and they kind of go through in the writers group. And then people pitch ideas and pitch jokes and all that I can never do that. Because I just I’m so kind of in my own head when I write so I would kind of be writing and then I’d run in whatever episode I was writing, and then I run in like to them go, like, I’m stuck on this and they’d pitch a bunch ideas on it. Okay, then I’d like run away.
Elyse Myers 19:01
Okay, this, this is it right here. Paul would need a couple quick ideas, get them from all of the very talented people, he would receive those ideas, it’d be like, great now literally shut up. And don’t talk to me. That is me. The idea that Paul had the right people around him and respected his process as well, where he could come in, get their input and he could then walk out and do what he does alone. And have it be that back and forth. Like that was really inspiring to me, because that showed me that there was another way to do it. It doesn’t have to just be in front of people 24/7 All the time. It can be both it can be together and it can be separate. Okay, now we’re pausing for a break. And then I’m going to ask Paul about another show that I love, The Office.
Elyse Myers 19:55
as a as an office fan, I really need to know what did your experience in the writers room look like? At the office compared to Freaks and Geeks?
Paul Feig 20:02
Well, The Office was I started, I was writing a director on it. And I directed, you know, over the course of the series, like 19 episodes. Yeah. But I was always I knew all the writers and I was friendly with him. Because I had done Freaks and Geeks. I had a little more cred in a writers room, but I still wasn’t part of the writers. But then at like the fifth season, they got directed so many episodes, they said, do you want to come on as a co and co-executive producer? I said, I’ll do it if I can also be in the writers room officially. So they said, Sure. So. But what was interesting is, you know, I came, I was working on my late 30s, then it was a pretty young 20 something, you know, Mindy Kaling, and you know, Jean, and all these amazing people who have gone on to such great stuff, make sure we’re all in there. So they were kind of late 20s, early 30s. So I was kind of the old guy going in a little bit interest. And yeah, but I kind of went you go in it. So this is why I always lecture to comedy people, like, you’ve got to like stay current, if you start going, like, don’t tell me what’s funny. I know. It’s funny. You are dead. Totally. And so I get in this room. And they remember the one point they were pitching, you know, they had some joke, like, can we top this and nobody’s pitching the jokes. And I’m sitting there like the cat ate the canary because, you know, you have certain joke areas. You go like, this is my I kill every time. Yes. So I’m sitting there, like, I’m gonna just I’m gonna I got the joke, and I’m gonna destroy this room for the young writers. I think they know what they’re doing. comes around to me. I pitch this joke. They stare at me and I go, Oh, my God, I just pitched a dead joke.
Elyse Myers 21:37
And you remember the joke?
Paul Feig 21:39
No, I purge it out of my head. No, it just like you’re like, oh, no, but it was the greatest lesson I ever had to keep my career moving forward is like, don’t because then somebody else pitched the joke that was not that dissimilar from mine. But the way they worded it and the way the attitude of it was a much younger way to do it as much a temporary way to do it versus like a dad take on something.
Elyse Myers 22:08
I feel like so much of writing is in the comedy space or in general is just kind of swallowing your pride like yeah, I I’ve walked into so many situations where I’ve literally just said like die Elise die, because I can’t. Okay, that sounds so dramatic. […] just basically means like, don’t let my pride matter more than making something beautiful. Or funny. It’s just so interesting. Like to hear you go into the office after being so successful on Freaks and Geeks to go into the office writers rooms and just those meetings and feel like you’re just going to crush it and then you don’t like that is. that’s wild to me. Because I would think that as a successful writer, you could walk into any room and be like, I’m gonna own this and it’s gonna be great.
Paul Feig 22:58
What I could have done? And what I’ve seen older writers do, is no, it’s funny, like, like, they don’t believe they just think everybody else does.
Elyse Myers 23:10
It’s just wild to me. How people are so turned off to feedback.
Paul Feig 23:16
No, everybody creative is defensive in their own way, you know, and some are just like, don’t tell me and others are like, you know, I’m I think you and I are much more in the vein of like, we just will, you know, my confidence goes out the door. I’m so sorry.
Elyse Myers 23:31
Perfect. I’m horrible at this. We’ll never do it again. That’s literally my response when someone gives me feedback. As I’m like, get feedback. It’s so important. Someone gives me feedback. I’m like, alright, well, I’m the absolute worst. So I quit.
Paul Feig 23:49
Especially as a company director, the thing I had to learn the most was, I have to be confident enough to not be confident, you know? So you basically have to go in going like, I know what I’m doing. I know it’s right. But then when somebody goes, Oh, what about this over this go like, oh, yeah, are they gonna like, I don’t know. That doesn’t work for me. But if I do it this way, to then not go like no, do it the way I wrote it totally go like, oh, yeah, cool. Like, let’s try it. And my old thing is like, let’s try everything. I said try the way you said, dry in other ways, because then I get the editing room. That’s when I sorted it all out.
Elyse Myers 24:22
I am in real time having a you are right moment. So this voiceover that I am literally doing right, this moment that you are hearing with your ears is the exact result of taking feedback and doing something that you’re like, look, I don’t think this is going to work, but we’re just gonna go for it. This VoiceOver is just a conscious stream of consciousness. Now, let me go back. This VoiceOver is just a stream of consciousness. I’m not editing it. I’m not going back except for the fact that I literally just went back and my producer Claire was like, hey, you did a voiceover last time. And I can tell you edited it. And I’m like I did edit it. She’s like, don’t do that. And I’m like, I will do that. She’s like, don’t just try not just try not doing that. So this is me basically trying to prove her wrong. And I ended up proving her right. And that’s beautiful.
Paul Feig 25:11
Like I turned 60 this year, so it never changes. Like, I’m the same insecurity, I know, I know that I’m going to start a project all excited, I’m going to get into like the middle of the middle of the first half of the second act and start to waver, I’m going to get to the middle of the script and go, this is terrible. I should stop, freak out, push myself past, suffer through the second half of the second act. And then suddenly, when you get the third act, write it in like three days, you know?
Elyse Myers 25:41
The best thing I’ve ever done. And like, just two days ago, you were like, I’m horrible at this.
Paul Feig 25:46
Oh, no, totally. And then I’ll read it all and go like, this is terrible. But you know, but so you just gotta, you have to know yourself well enough to go like, just plow forward.
Elyse Myers 25:56
This is so wild, dude. Okay, literally, like days before this interview, I just posted a video about my creative process, which, which I’m gonna pull it up. Because I don’t even want to get it word for word wrong. I’m gonna pull this up so that you can hear just how wild it is that he just said that hold place. The first part of the creative part of my creative process is like you have an idea, right? Next is I am the actual worst, I quit. I’ll give it one more shot, I can do this, I am doing this, I need more coffee. I am good at this. And then it starts all over again, I am the actual worst. And so for him to say that that’s basically his exact process as well was like, Okay, this actually never gets easier, you just get more experienced at feeling those exact feelings. And I don’t know if that’s comforting or not. But what I do know is that it’s time for a break. Is there any other date that you wanted to talk about?
Paul Feig 27:21
So, you know, I would cherry pick girls I had crushes on, based on their behavior in school. And to be quite frank about this. There was a girl who a friend of mine had a girlfriend and they would make out in the hallway all the time. Remember, there’s always a couple that would make?
Elyse Myers 27:40
Always just touching constantly. Totally.
Paul Feig 27:42
So that was them. So of course, I she wasn’t she wasn’t like normally the kind of person you know, just physically the person I would go for. But it’s just like the fact that she was so clearly, you know, open to that. It’s like, oh my gosh, like, if I could ever be kissing a girl in the hallway, I’d be so cool. And that looks so you know, nobody looks more appealing than when they’re kissing somebody else. You know?
Elyse Myers 28:03
Definitely hard agree. I definitely do not hard agree, but I didn’t really know what to say.
Paul Feig 28:08
And then there was a Christmas dance. Yeah, so I actually worked up the nerve and 10th grade which I never had to ask her to the Christmas because I was still kind of friendly with her. And as if you want to go to Christmas, and she’s like, Oh, I love that. Oh my god. So I have a date for the Christmas dance. I go to pick her up and I always thought she was really pretty and just this really natural way well this was like the 70s late 70s which was just going oh that because so I go to pick her up at her house. She comes down the stairs. I don’t know what happened. Like clearly she worked with her mother who says or whatever she’s got a faceful and makeup that is crazy. Like a like Kabuki, you know, and their hair which is normally it’s kind of soft. It was almost like a Dorothy […] kind of thing which are […] old reference look it up. It was a very distinct look based on an ice skater who was in the Olympics.
Elyse Myers 29:04
Paul Feig is being gentlemen here. What he’s not saying is and I googled it later because I did not know who Dorothy Hamill was. He’s describing a bocce but he’s a very kind person and he wouldn’t say that so I will say it. He was describing […]
Paul Feig 29:22
Which he had taken styled it up so it literally was just up like a helmet like an umbrella had been opened on her head.
Elyse Myers 29:29
Okay, not so much of a gentleman that he that he didn’t describe someone’s hair like an umbrella but enough of a gentleman that he wouldn’t say boy cut, I need to stop saying okay, every time I end the recording so this is me ending the recording without saying the word that I don’t want to say.
Paul Feig 29:50
So she comes down to immediately I’m like, oh, is that her like oh person who’s not soft and I don’t know. There’s something that’s like lovely about her softness that right now this is really hard looking person comes down. So okay but fine. No prize drives me. So I was like okay, so we get in the car her friends are going to drive and her friends in the front seat they’re a couple. And the minute we pull out of her driveway though, her girlfriend goes like a beer, and she’s like me and she reaches over and grabs it just guzzles this beer like gone in just like a flash. And all I can think is I’m insulted because I’m like, so oh, so you really needed that drink that badly? Because you’re on this date?
Elyse Myers 30:37
You just need to be drunk to be on a date with me.
Paul Feig 30:40
I couldn’t compute and I kind of didn’t drink at that time. And so I’ll just tell you, they’re like […] haven’t really, you know, so. And then she chugs another. I mean, she has like three beers before we get to the dance. So, yes, and then. So the dance is going, okay. And she’s kind of floating around other people and all this and we kind of dance but we kind of don’t. And then she’s off with girlfriends. And then like an hour into the dance. The friend who drove us comes in. She was like, Paul, she’s really sick. She’s really sick in the bathroom. She’s throwing up all over the place. I’m like, Well, I’m out. I have nothing to do with this. But of course, it’s like she feels so terrible. She likes you so much. And she feels so terrible. You know, and we’re just you know, she’s, she’s almost back to normal.
Elyse Myers 31:23
Oh my gosh, did she really like you? Or was her friend just fronting in this moment?
Paul Feig 31:28
I don’t know. I think probably in her drunkenness. She’s like, oh, you know, Such sad teen drinking and unrequited love. So finally comes out of the bathroom. And she’s, you know, she was wearing this kind of silky dress and she’s got like water stains on the front, which clearly had been vomit cleaned off. And comes up to me and does this thing where she like gets right up next to me, my face and all that I was a germaphobe. All I can think is like you’ve been throwing up; your mouth is filled to throw up. I don’t want to be near you, don’t breathe. And of course then she’s romantic. And she’s like, we have to slow dance and it just literally just trying to avoid her mouth.
Elyse Myers 32:11
She’s like, I feel better. Now let’s party and you’re like, I just want this day to be over.
Paul Feig 32:15
Yeah, I just I cannot get out of your head. But of course, being a high school dance that we had reservations to eat at a steak house, you know? We go to the steakhouse, which I’d been wanting to go to one of those ones. That’s like a giant, like fake out.
Elyse Myers 32:31
What steakhouse was it?
Paul Feig 32:35
Oh, God, no, this was I mean, this was like, you know, middle suburban Michigan. JJ’s you know, steer house or something like that. So then we ordered, she ordered steak with onions. The steak and onions. And all I can think in my head is the reason I went on this date is so I can make out with this girl.
Elyse Myers 32:58
And she’s making it very impossible for you to do this.
Paul Feig 33:01
There’s throw up, there’s onions. There’s steak going on there. I think possibly Caesar salad was thrown into the mix. Oh, love the anchovies. So okay, so dates over. We’re like, Oh, I gotta get home. My dad’s gonna kill me. I just like, get me the fuck out here. So we pull into the driveway. And through the window of our living room window to open a crack enough I see my father sitting watching television. All I want to do is go watch TV with my dad, I gotta get out of this car. So they stopped the car. The people in the front who drove start making out immediately, which was apparently the cube of like, well, you guys gotta make out to. So I turned to this girl and I’m like, I gotta get out of here. I got I got to do the kiss. So I go in for my first French kiss ever. Yeah, I have no idea what it is. I just know at some point; you’re supposed to put your tongue in somebody’s mouth. So we go in, she opens her mouth. I open my mouth and literally shoved my tongue into her mouth. Don’t know what I’m doing. Hit her teeth. Now literally run my tongue around her top teeth and then around her bottom teeth. And then come out of it. And she’s comes out of it. And she’s looking at me like either it was the greatest case ever, or the most horrifying thing that ever happened to her.
Elyse Myers 34:21
Absolutely not. No. I have nothing to add to this other than adding to the disdain of this moment that I already had. I would just like to make it very clear. This is a big absolutely not for me.
Paul Feig 34:42
It’s definitely the most horrifying thing that ever happened to me up to that point.
Elyse Myers 34:45
I have chills from the secondhand embarrassment right now, Paul. I am dying.
Paul Feig 34:50
It’s tearing and so I just like thanks a lot. I’ll see you on Monday and just out of the car and oh god and immediately brush my teeth.
Elyse Myers 35:00
Scale from 1 to 10. How would you rate that first kiss?
Paul Feig 35:03
About a minus 50?
Elyse Myers 35:05
Okay, and could you taste the onions?
Paul Feig 35:08
I could taste everything. Smell the throw up, you could taste the onion. Oh my god.
Elyse Myers 35:14
I really appreciate the dedication though, because you really just committed to that you were like I came here for one thing. And I’m not leaving without it.
Paul Feig 35:23
Well, I didn’t, again in my people pleaser mode as I can’t disappoint her. Like, clearly,
Elyse Myers 35:28
I think that me and Paul are the same person. He’s just a much fancier dressed version than I am.
Paul Feig 35:33
She kind of it could tell she felt bad. And so that was kind of her way to make up for the I don’t know, it was just everybody was everybody’s intentions. Were right. Or maybe not. I don’t know. But all it just went horribly wrong.
Elyse Myers 35:45
So you went from kissing on the cheek to just that there was nothing that was straight in?
Paul Feig 35:51
Oh, yeah. Literally. I mean that there was nothing It was 0 the 60, 4 years, at least 4 years between the or no? I can Oh, no. Was it like three years ago? I actually think that I’d honestly love you kiss on the cheek was eighth grade. So I’m gonna give myself two years on that.
Elyse Myers 36:08
That is wild.
Paul Feig 36:10
Well, you and I, we have good stories. Because here’s why. Here’s my theory of why we have good stories that are all horrifying to other people. Because we are optimists. We are optimistic. And when you’re an optimist, you just get your ass kicked constantly. Absolutely. Oh, like today’s gonna be great. I know. Every other day was terrible. Today’s the day it’s gonna be great. And you go into these situations with too much expectation. But I never want to change I do this day, and I will never stop doing it.
Elyse Myers 36:38
Oh my gosh, yeah, I am a people pleaser and an optimist. And those two are a horrifying combination when you have anxiety. Well, thank you so much, Paul, it’s been such an honor to talk to you and chat with you and hear your life stories. And yeah, thank you so much for being here.
Paul Feig 36:52
Thank you, Elyse, you’re the best.
Elyse Myers 36:57
That was the interview. I am a people pleaser. I don’t know how else to explain that way of thinking other than like, the desire to give people multiple chances, because I want them to be the best version of themselves, even at the expense of me, which is not healthy. But it’s just how I operate. So I think that I would actually categorize myself not as an like, optimist as much. I have like a lot of belief in people, I don’t always have that same optimism and belief in myself, which is just wild that I can believe so deeply in strangers. But when it comes to like, believing in myself, I’m like, I can’t do it. I’ve known this person for seven seconds. And I think they can conquer the world. But I’ve known me for 28 years. And I’m like nah. This process was, was pretty overwhelming. For me. I think this whole process has been, I don’t know if this interview specifically kind of triggered that in me of like being afraid of doing a podcast or if kind of it had been brewing from the first conversation I had with somebody up until this point. But I felt very nervous throughout the entire conversation and like I wasn’t doing it right. And even though this is literally my own podcast, I felt like somehow I was doing it wrong. Which is impossible, because we’re making it up as we go. So yeah, I think that it’s just been very confronting for me to try and do something new. In such a public way. It’s no longer just me with a camera in my room alone. It’s me in front of an entire team of people watching me do something new for the very first time. And it’s very, very, like overwhelming and emotional and incredible and scary and stretching. And it’s been really cool and a lot all at the same time. And so I was really grateful for Paul’s wisdom and advice. Even when he didn’t realize he was giving it to me, I think that it was really good for me to hear that you always are going to feel like an imposter, that you’re never going to feel confident in yourself. Just be confident enough to not be confident. I think he’s the way he said it. And I thought that was very wise. And I’m gonna write that down and tape it up to my wall right in front of my desk because I think I need a lot more of that gray area in my life, then I allow right now. Okay, that’s it. Episode One down. Thank you so much for listening to the first episode of funny because it’s true. There is a second one in your feed at this very second. It’s my interview with Lance Bass. You can listen right now. And there will be so many more to come. If you liked the show. Give it five stars. If you love the show, leave a review that helps people find us. All right. I’ll be back next week with more.
Funny Cuz It’s True is a Lemonada Media and Powderkeg production. The show is produced by Claire Jones, Zoe Dennis and […], our associate producer is Tiffany Buoy. Rachel Neil is our senior director of new content and our VP of weekly production is Steve Nelson. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer, Paul Feig, Laura Fisher, […] and me Elyse Myers. The show is mixed by Brian Castillo and Johnny Evans. Our theme song music was written by me and scored by Xander Singh.