Shalewa ???? — “He caught me during libido week.”
Good Sex is hard to come by but worth it. A year after COVID quarantined Shalewa’s libido, it’s back with a vengeance and ready to GO.
You can find Shalewa @Silky Jumbo.
Her podcast is The War Report Podcast.
As expected, Good Sex contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
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My libido, as I’ve gotten older has become more schedule oriented. There used to be a time where it was more of like a wave that could just hit at any time, but it was always there. But then I hit like my 40s. And it started to become more of a nope it’s only going to happen for this week and a half this month. If you’re trying to get with anybody, you better put on a pussycat doll song and hit the streets or else. I’m not gonna see you again for another 30 days. And I thought that was fair. I was with a young man; we had a sexual relationship. And we attempted date type things, eating dinner together. Things that people would do on dates, we would have some sort of argument, we would be grudgingly come back to my apartment, we would have sex and then he would leave.
And we did that maybe like once a week or so. And at the time, I was like, well, this is fine. This maybe this is what relationships are like, I don’t know, I haven’t been in one in a very long time. Phones have changed. So perhaps relationships have also changed. So this particular time, he caught me during libido week, when I saw him, we didn’t even get into the argument. I felt comfortable enough with him to say, I feel like having sex tonight. Do you want to do that? And I think it knocked him back on his heels enough that he was like, yeah, sure. Yes. Okay, we could do that. He did not use a condom. You know, just make sure you pull out oh, I don’t know if I’m gonna pull out.
Whatever they make Plan B You know what? Fine. One of his final thrusts, oh, he just impregnated, he just knocked me. I don’t know how I know. But I know that felt like it came from the motherland. That’s why I’m not gonna listen to my body when it says it wants to have sex because it just wants to have a baby now. I went and I did get an abortion. And that was fine. As fine as those things are. I was like, well, I enjoyed getting to this point. Even if I’m not enjoying that I have to do this. I should have known something was up. Because we’re not always on the same page, you and me body. I for once had a sexual urge acted on it and wasn’t shamed in the process. And even though the guy was not a great person, not bad at sex.
Hi, I’m Shalewa Sharpe, and you’re listening to GOOD SEX. I’m a comedian/podcast host. And good sex is occasionally hard to come by, but worth it when you can. When I think of sex, I have put these things on it where I’m like, okay, sex is important. But here’s what you need in order for it to be good sex. You need to at least like and respect each other knowing each other’s last name is helpful. And then I you know, that’s when I take a turn into my Prude world. Prude world is definitely where you go to get petticoats, long dresses, baggy pants, things of that nature.
I discovered as I got older that in order for me to enjoy sex, it needs to be under the guise of a relationship. Now, that doesn’t mean that you need to be my boyfriend. Like I don’t need your Letterman’s jacket. If we’ve decided that all we do is have sex. That’s our relationship. And I’m also kind of like a one person at a time down. So I always thought of myself as like, just a freaky deaky prude, like it’s gonna take me a minute to get you into your sex dungeon. But once I’m there, and I’ve decided that it’s clean enough. Oh, yeah, go ahead, grab a whip. Let’s see what happens. But what’s your like? What’s your insurance situation like?
Now when it comes to my sexuality, since I’m unfortunately heterosexual. It just seems to be such a waste of time sometimes to really try to attract a man I haven’t done the thing that people do when they’re like, well, I’ll just go for women. They’re certainly better than men. No, no, I’m learning that people aren’t great. So in the beginning months of 2020 I was just starting to develop a crush on someone. And I was thrilled to have this crush because crushes are very motivating for me. I dress as if I’m going to run into them in the street and wow them with my outfit. Wow. If my crush was watching me, he’d be blown away by how cool I’m washing dishes. Let me clean the apartment. That way if they ever come over here, the apartments clean. If you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready.
I was just so happy to have that part of me wake up again after being just devastated by the breakup previous. I take the ending of relationships hard because unfortunately I can’t bring myself to do the thing that everyone says you’re supposed to do, which is immediately go have sex with another person so that you realize it’s not precious. I’m still the idiot that thinks it’s precious. It’s like a line in a Bjork song where she says, since we broke up, I’m using lipstick again. Okay, this is how I’m getting crushes in 2020. Lip gloss. Bought two too expensive for me lip glosses, I’m gonna win this dude over by like the fall I give myself into the fall. So after a year and a half of being devastated, I was happy to have a crush. So that’s where I was when things started to get shut down.
And then, you know, they shut everything down. I got very scared. No one knew anything. So every day it was a new barrage of information. And I’d read all of that information. And all I could do is pick out the things that said yes, it’s coming for you. I didn’t learn how to bake bread. I didn’t learn how to cook. I didn’t buy any plants. I’ve just been in my apartment with my roommate. Every time that I woke up, I thought that I had COVID No, that’s it. That’s it. That’s COVID. There was just a lot of moments like that. So I didn’t have time for a crush. I was trying to stay alive. The libido said, I’m out of here. I can’t handle this. And people were tweeting jokes about being extremely horny and quarantine. How dare you?
What do you, do you know something we don’t as far as I know, we’re all going to die because death is floating in the air and you think you’re going to get some? The nerve, the nerve of you. I didn’t want to see anyone. I truly only wanted to see my roommate and my cat. And even those two, only half of the time. March of 2020 all the way through the new year was basically that’s where I was with the idea of sex in the age of COVID. No, thank you. Very quick answer. Nah, not for me. I spent a weekend watching a lot of romantic movies. But I mean like straight romance where no one’s joking. That’s not normally what I go for with a movie. But I just kept piling them on. One after the other and then not making fun of it and not turning away when they kiss.
Even at the time I was just like, this is weird. Why am I watching this? And I just thought, well, maybe I like the idea of romance. But I’m not I don’t see it going forward. And then maybe after like the fifth movie. I was like, why don’t I see it going forward? Right now where I am with COVID is I’m using lipstick again like Bjork says. I guess I just kind of, it was just like a gradual life goal. Yeah, maybe this can be in the cards for you if you weren’t just so damn hard headed chalet would just you know, give it a shot. Put one of these apps on your phone. Oh, no, no, no, no, take it off. Take it off. We don’t like these. We don’t like this. Yeah, absent last long on my phone.
But putting a dating app on my phone meant that I was entertaining the idea of meeting someone. The main reason I didn’t use dating apps before was because I always thought I hadn’t really exhausted my in-person charm. What I’m bringing you really should encounter in person. That’s really where the big cell is. But now I don’t have that choice. Do I? No one’s seeing me do comedy. It really has come down to the dating apps. And that still doesn’t sit well with me. But we’ll try it again. You know, baby steps. We’ll see.
It’s almost time for me to put it on my phone again. Anyone who is attempting to hook up during quarantine, for the love of Beyonce. Be careful out there, please. Um, you know what your line is, they need to meet your line. Don’t go below your line. So you know where you feel safe. Don’t mess with anyone who doesn’t make you feel safe, because right now it’s really about safety and fun, but mostly safety. We’ll get back to fun. Right now it’s a fun kind of safety that we’re doing. In these Covidien times, I am a co-host of a podcast called THE WAR REPORT. You can follow me on all social media at @silkyjumbo. That’s all one word. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX.
GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. Produced by Claire Jones and Matthew Simonson. Our supervising producer are Kryssy Pease and Xorje Olivares, and our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad with additional music from APM music and sound design is by Matthew Simonson. If you like GOOD SEX, the show, not you know, why don’t you rate and review us on iTunes. And you can follow us on all social media at @LemonadaMedia. Thanks for listening!