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i used to think work-life balance was for lazy people who couldn’t cut it. turns out, they were on to something. sorry i judged you, you balanced and healthy individuals.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Jennette McCurdy

Jennette McCurdy  00:02

I’m burnt out.

 

Jennette McCurdy  00:23

I’m self conscious of like harping on the book the book, but like it’s important, it’s relevant context here. My book, I’m glad my mom died came out a year, almost a year and a half ago. And a lot of exciting opportunities came from the books success. And I took so many of those opportunities. A because the opportunities that I took were very exciting to me. But B in more specifically here for what I want to share. I took them because because I felt like well, I have to seize the moment. I don’t want it to pass me by and me to have not taken up every possible opportunity that I can, so I just want to you know, strike while the iron is hot kind of thing. And while the things you know, I said no to things that didn’t appeal to me or weren’t exciting, but well even, but I said yes to too many things so what I’m trying to say. See, I can’t even like the word wild just felt like too much for me, it felt like she experienced, I felt like we’re not whipping out a while. While it was like that’s not the kind of I’m not there, tired so I took on all these things and I didn’t call it […] which was pretty exhausting. And then I, you know, I immediately started working on the things that I was writing. I wrote two first drafts of novels. A pilot script, two show pitches and a 15 page pitch dark for something else. Oh, two episodes of of us have another series oh my god, like it just the list goes on and on and on. I was exhausting myself to the point that I wasn’t really even present in life, like I was just so focused on the next thing the next thing the next thing and striking while the iron is hot and got to take up all these opportunities and got to work, work, work, work work, that I didn’t stop to come up for air. And at the time, I felt like I could like the Energizer Bunny I could just going and going and going and going is the Energizer Bunny even their mascot anymore, I don’t know. Maybe like everybody’s switching mascots these days. I like the Energizer Bunny. Anyway, I felt like I could just keep going and going and going. You know, I’m running on keto, four cups of coffee a day and just like just keep refilling that mug keep eating that mug keep keep that coffee mug hot and that brain go into the next thing and just keep going, and then I couldn’t do anymore. I hit a complete wall. I completely experienced burnout and it surprised me.

 

Jennette McCurdy  03:30

It was like, life came knocking saying hey, you have to find some balance here, and let me tell you, I am one of those people who cringes at the term work life balance. I fucking hate it people who are like oh, I have a good work life balance or you know articles that say oh, you need a good work life balance, you know what I thought I thought work life balance? That’s the people who couldn’t fucking do the thing that they wanted to do. That’s for people who failed who couldn’t make it. And it was it’s hard for me just telling you how I judged, and now here I am going I need some work life balance. I need some I like I would get so irritated was in an email work email to somebody at like 5pm and gotten out of office reply. I’d literally say loser out loud. And now I am going oh, god bless, they’re onto something. Work boundaries, work boundaries. You know, maybe work boundaries are a thing that I explore in a later episode. But for now, I can’t because I I don’t know what they are yet. I don’t know what that looks like, I’d like to be able to speak to it from a place of like actually having found some, and I’m trying I have a, I have a plan. I’m taking the whole month of December off. I’m not writing a word, I’m not ideally not like responding to any emails, I’m not doing any work lunches or anything like that. That’s something that I didn’t realize was like a part of the business. The amount of work lunches that you got to do, why it like, everything feels like it happens over a meal. Everything every every zoom should be an email, and every meal should be a zoom, and the fucking world would be a lot better. It’s like, everything just is just as all about, like relationships, and that happens to be the thing I’m worst at, so fuck me anyway, burnout. I mean, stay focused here. I’m feeling it, I’m in it to the point that I mean right now I’m recording this in a pitch black room. Just laying down like, just can’t be bothered with a fog and light switch kind of thing you know, I feel so tired. I recently this is also what led me to the realization one of the things that led me to the realization I had been feeling so I’ve been feeling this for a while it had been building up it had been slowly kind of snowballing. And was was bound to explode at some point point explode or implode something was was it was it was bound to happen, so I’m glad that that didn’t happen, but it happened in this way, which is that I did MDMA. And this was the second time I’ve done it, and the other time I’d done it was I do it well, it was somebody kind of overseeing and it’s kind of therapeutic in nature, I go in with an intention. And this time, my intention was to kind of work on I hadn’t identified it yet as burnout, I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling it was feeling like some somebody was at my throat like I just couldn’t come up for air that feeling that I was having from work. And so I came in with an intention to kind of resolve that and the experience was hilarious. I did it with the person I’m in a relationship with and he was like, he was very kind of up and like a little bit more, just kind of not frantic, but he was just like, energized, very energized. And I was not, I was like Jabba the fucking Hutt. I was laying in bed, I think I lay there for 12 hours, listening to the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack by ambient worlds on YouTube. Christmas candles burning, this was in October, Christmas candles, no September, Christmas candles burning, quality of Narnia soundtrack playing job of the Huddinge fucking out. And I’m like, I just need to relax, I just need to relax. I don’t need to prove myself to anybody. I don’t need to work so hard, I just need to relax, stop chasing, like these kinds of things are the things that I was I was telling myself. And afterward, the person who was kind of guiding the experience, you know, came back and I went over what I felt like I had learned and I let that settle, and I kept journaling on it and I kept I did you know, therapy sessions and incorporated the job of the HUD experience with that. And all of that together led me to going okay, I just need to take a month off and really do some soul searching and really, you know, assess my situation and what I’m doing it all for and maybe do a little you know, purpose retool and see what happens, see what see. See where I come out the other side. People who said they experienced burnout I used to judge them as lazy and kind of inadequate, like oh, they just couldn’t, just couldn’t keep up ah, like, just so judgemental. And I’m saying it differently now, I don’t know I’m, I know now that I’ve experienced it myself and I know the full context I’m seeing a fuller picture and that that it is a very real thing. And something that I’m dealing with something that I’m I’m currently facing. I will let you know what’s on the other side of this? Once I’m on the other side of this, and now I want to go listen to Chronicles of Narnia Ambient Worlds.

 

Jennette McCurdy  10:24

There’s more Hard Feelings with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, and you can subscribe now in Apple podcasts. I’m Jennette McCurdy, the creator, executive producer and host of HardFeelings. It’s produced by Lemonada Media in coordination with Happy Rage productions. Our production team is Kegan Zema, Aria Bracci and Brian Castillo. Music is by Hannah’s Brown. Steve Nelson is Lemonada’s Vice President of weekly content. Rachel Neil is Lemonada Senior Director of new content. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer and me. Listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.