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Chelsea Devantez hosts the hit celebrity memoir podcast “Glamorous Trash,” and now has a memoir of her very own! In her words, “I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This (But I’m Going To Anyway)” is “half comedy, half harrowing trauma.” Chelsea and Kulap connect on turning trauma into art, and of course, the things they’re adding to cart. Chelsea has recs for glossy lips, thick lashes and supportive bras.

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Please note, Add To Cart contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

To see all products mentioned in this episode, head to @addtocartpod on Instagram. To purchase any of the products, see below.

• New Nuevo curates unique gift boxes from New Mexico
• Cheekbone Beauty’s Harmony Lipgloss is the perfect glossy to creamy ratio
• Chelsea has been unwinding with Nextevo Naturals CBD
• The Travel Agency Bath Balm will make you feel ascendant
• These Prados Beauty Santa Fe lashes have last forever
• No bra no problem with these Tala V Neck tops with a built-in bra (founded by Grace Beverley)
• For our big boobie people – Big O’Titty Tape lets you wear all the strapless dresses and tops
• Chelsea loves Croc boots 
• Parachute is Ku’s place for her white towels
• Love Chelsea? Check out Glamorous Trash 

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Chelsea Devantez, Kulap Vilaysack

Kulap Vilaysack  00:10

Carters, it’s your auntie, Kulap Vilaysack, welcome back to Add To Cart a show about the things we buy and buy into, and what it says about who we are. As you know, I’m usually joined by my other half SuChin Pak, but Su is still in South Korea, maybe in a Korean Costco. We’ll find out how many suitcases of snacks she brought home when she gets back. But do not worry, I’m not alone, our guest is an Emmy nominated writer, comedian, director and host of the podcast, Glamorous Trash. She was Jon Stewart’s head writer for The problem with Jon Stewart. Her other TV credits include not dead yet, girls five Eva and Bless This Mess, and her memoir. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m going to anyway. Is out now we are catching her on her book promo tour, please add to cart, Chelsea Devantez.

 

Chelsea Devantez  01:07

Oh my God, I want to put on a wrestling leotard and run into the podcast and just like, yeah, that was the most amazing, gorgeous intro.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:16

I gotta say you would look great in that outfit, because I know you would glam it up. Tits would be out, lashes, doubled, tripled.

 

Chelsea Devantez  01:28

Yeah, I would have a gold LEM leotard that stopped right under my breasts so that they just flew free.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:37

That’s right, and that is a wrestling tactic, is to distract.

 

Chelsea Devantez  01:39

That’s right.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:40

Then to destroy where are you in the world right now? I know you’ve been traveling.

 

Chelsea Devantez  01:48

I am so excited to be on your podcast. I feel like I should tell everyone that we had to meet cute in line at the bar when you bought me a drink, and it was, dare I say, the best drink of my life. And I was like, I love you bye. And you’re like, here’s a cocktail. So I just adore you. I am currently in Seattle. We’re going to Portland, and then we’re ending in LA. It has been we did three events in New Mexico in 24 hours. So I am both a shell of a human and alive. Adrenaline, adrenaline.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:15

Well, I think when you copyright adrenaline, it should be adrenaline.

 

Chelsea Devantez  02:23

That’s gonna be my Monster Energy Drink. Apostrophe, adrenaline.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:29

With a touch of vodka.

 

Chelsea Devantez  02:31

Exactly.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:33

Okay, so our episode has not come out yet. Where SuChin, and I come on your podcast, Glamorous Trash. Spoiler alert, we are speaking about a real housewives, a book by a real housewife on glamorous trash. And the same sort of like bookmarkers and like note taking, I moved from that book to your book, which I find incredibly funny. And they’re two very different books in, of course, the same genre, but I it just, I’m I think it’s really funny, Chelsea.

 

Chelsea Devantez  03:08

That is wild, I will tell listeners so they can get excited for your episode. That means that Kulap read brandy Glanville book, tweeting and drinking, published in 2013 went right into my memoir, which is half comedy and half just harrowing trauma. So what a ride you’ve been on.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:25

That’s right, and that’s that’s exactly right. Glamorous Trash a celebrity memoir podcast. It started almost, I think, the exact time as Add to Cart. We were pandemic podcasts.

 

Chelsea Devantez  03:37

Yes, and now we are here. We’re talking about your own memoir. And I, I’d say, like, oh, it was all leading up to this, but like, it was God’s plan. And by that, I mean Chelsea’s

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:50

Chelsea’s plan, I know, and especially since I’ve read your book, I know it was your plan.

 

Chelsea Devantez  03:56

Yeah, it’s my plan, but maybe it’s God’s, you know, I’m still open to Joel Osteen, if he comes out with something good, he gets in there. Sometimes he’s in the book, in the book.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:05

And I’m gonna say that is in the category. I shouldn’t be telling you this.

 

Chelsea Devantez  04:08

Yeah, no, I should not be telling you that I, one time, was in such a dark place in my life. I was like, maybe becoming Christian will save me. My friend sent me this Joel Osteen sermon, and she was like, she’s not like a Joel Osteen fan. She was just like, I think you’re in such a dark place. This sermon might help you. And I was like, so you understand, like, not only am I not Christian, but I’m like, a witch, like, I’m pretty sure I’m like, a you hold a crystal, and I’ll call it the moon or something. And then she’s like, no, just listen to it. And I followed that motherfucker on Twitter. I still do and he’s bad. Yeah, everyone, he’s bad, don’t follow him. Sometimes you’re in a bad place. Some people turn to heroin. I turn to Joe lostine.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:44

Now, when you give me that range between Joel Osteen and heroin, I’m like, okay.

 

Chelsea Devantez  04:52

Sometimes we gotta fuck ourselves up, and that’s how I chose to do it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:55

Well, speaking of please give our listeners an overview of the book.

 

Chelsea Devantez  04:59

Oh yeah. Yes, so half comedy gal memoir, half absolutely harrowing trauma, you’ve got to want both. You’ve got to like a dark book, but also want to laugh about it. And it starts when I go through a very violent relationship when I’m extremely, extremely young, and it ends 10 years later when I get subpoenaed back to court to revisit that relationship, and in between are all of the women who helped me survive and get through life. And the twist is that some are heroes and some are villains. But you know what? Both those things are a leading role, and we do love a leading role.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  05:37

That’s right, only main characters.

 

Chelsea Devantez  05:39

Only main characters, yeah, so it really centers women, but it’s also my life story. And listen, it’s everything from like, you know, growing up or to getting into Hollywood to dating a magician to finding out my dad was it my real dad? Now, Kulap, you know, do you think those two things are related? You know, it feels like they are. Feels like you date a magician when you find out your dad’s not your real dad.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:02

Hold on, because me and you are going to talk. I have not, I myself, have not dated a magician so.

 

Chelsea Devantez  06:12

All of us, okay, thank God.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:15

I mean, but maybe if Scott hadn’t scooped me up so young that was, that was in the cards, if you will.

 

Chelsea Devantez  06:22

Oh, how dare you.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:24

Close up magic, Chelsea.

 

Chelsea Devantez  06:26

I think we owe Scott a beautiful thank you. Otherwise, yeah, beautiful woman, bean cuts in half.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:32

Oh, that’s right, sliding doors on that one in your book, really early on, and you explain it, there was a heavily redacted essay. I mean, it’s so great, Chelsea, because you give us the meta, you give us the overview. But for someone who’s just like, flipping through your book, they’re at they’re at the airport, and I know that your book’s at the airport, and they’re like, flipping through it, and then they notice early on, like, there’s like, you know, it looks like a CIA file that heavily redacted? Looks like the hawk and molar report.

 

Chelsea Devantez  07:04

So that’s right, it. I tried to make this joke, and everyone told me not to, but I’m gonna try it here on your podcast. It is more redacted than Jeffrey Epstein’s flight log. Everyone said, don’t do that. I said, I will somewhere on co ops podcast. So, yeah, so when I set out to write a memoir, the main reason I wanted to write it was for this story, because I became a comedian, and I also lived through this really intense relationship that happened when I was very young, and it ended in three drive by shootings that or that was sort of the climax, if you will. And then we went to court, and I moved away, and my life was ruined, and 10 years later it came back up. And then even more, years after that, I finally get the courage, or the I don’t know, I was finally ready to even talk about it. So it took me years and years and years and years. And the reason I wanted to write about it is because these stories are always told in a like a Hush Tone. It’s shameful, it’s icky, it’s a Lifetime movie, it’s a murder podcast where it has ended in murder, or it’s the movie enough with J. Lo, which is great, but, you know, it’s just always told in this specific way, and it’s always in these formats that I never would have encountered while I was in that relationship, and said, That’s me, that’s what’s happening to me. And so I wanted to write it in a way that was authentic and that was funny. Yes, I said funny. Move it into a genre that feels more accessible to talk about because, because we don’t talk about these stories in a real way and and it’s always like so so icky and quiet. That’s what allows them to keep happening and happening and happening, because no one can recognize themselves. We can’t recognize our friends in them. We don’t know what it actually looks like. And I wanted to do that so badly. And then when I turned everything in, I was told I had to delete all of it and that it was too dangerous to share. Then I went through a three month period that is too much to talk about, but it includes just so many martinis, so many meds and so many meetings with lawyers. It was really intense. It was really I’m making in light of it, but I was in that place where it’s like, Uh oh yeah, I’m not gonna be able to get it out of bed soon. But when I did and got through it, I decided I would black out just enough words that they couldn’t tell me not to publish it. And instead of telling my story, I would try and tell the story of how our systems are set up to silence victims in the name of protection. And yeah, I was just furious, and I and that’s, that’s what got me through it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  09:35

Oh, Chelsea.

 

Chelsea Devantez  09:37

Yeah, just a lot.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  09:38

This is, yeah. I mean, this is your life. I want to be it is so incredibly funny and interesting. But there are, just like you said, herring trauma. There’s no I’m just gonna say words that are adjacent to that to describe it. There’s some just like brutal, brutal things that have happened to you. And while, on the other hand, some fan. Fantastic successes. There’s some moments of introspection. It really is a ballad to the women in your life, and even the ones yeah, the ones that have that you learn from, that you know, even the villains, right, like. And I think Chelsea, frankly, you do a good job of doing that within yourself, where you’re at times, you can hear you’re the villain. You call yourself out. You were making me laugh multiple times. You said you yourself had a bad personality. Yeah, you’re like, well, you’re a victim. You have to be, like, really likable, so what.

 

Chelsea Devantez  10:40

I know, what am I gonna do? I was with this boyfriend for so long, and I was like, oh my god, we’re such a perfect match. I’m fucking out of my mind, and he doesn’t seem to notice. And that was love for me. No, I was in so much pain. I was crying, I was depressed, I was angry. If I got drunk, I would try and fight men, like if I got too drunk. I remember two particular occasions. This one guy came up, and he was had clearly read some, I don’t know, internet Reddit thread where it was like, go offer women your phone charger at a bar as a way to help them plug in their phones, because they’re gonna need a charge. And then you get to sit with them, and this guy kept being like, let’s plug your phone in and trying to, like, reach down below to plug into and I was like, get away from us. Like, get away from us, and but because I’m so I never got to stand up for myself. Now I’m like, a million martinis in at a Chicago bar that closes at 4am and now I’m throwing his phone charger across the room and trying to fight him. As a man is like, don’t do that, because that means I will fight him, you know, like, please don’t. And I’m like, let’s fight. And so, yeah, not good, not who I want to be. But I was going to these really, really dark places when I use substances that let me access, like, a really dark place of my heart that wanted to stand up for myself so badly.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  12:03

Yeah, I can we talk about your diagnosis? Can we talk about complex PTSD? A little bit? I want, I want to talk about it too, because my sister was recently diagnosed, and she did say, I could say this. And so it’s I haven’t. It was when my mom, when my, well, I say my mom, because she’s the reason. I mean, when my sister was diagnosed, it was something that I wasn’t familiar with, and you talking about, it was the first time in anything I’ve ever read, kind of explained, and it made me understand it. Could you share a little bit about it.

 

Chelsea Devantez  12:40

Thank you for saying that I am. Yes, I, as you just said, I just thought I had a really shitty personality. And finally I got healthcare, and which led me to a trauma informed therapist, which is a very specialized type of care that not all therapists have, which I learned the hard way by seeing those other therapists. And one day, she shows me this list of like, 20 symptoms of CPTSD, and on the symptom chart was my personality. And I was like, Ooh. I thought this was my fault. I thought this was who I was. Like, you can’t relax, you’re a workaholic, you’re extremely friendly, you’re extremely outgoing, you’re always trying to make things safe for you. You hate Yoga, you hate traveling, you struggle with eating disorders. And I really thought I was just suffering from who I was, and that if I like meditated enough or took enough workshops or something, I would like get better, only to find that it was CPTSD and and complex PTSD is when you have multiple traumatic events, usually in childhood. But listen, you can come from anywhere, and your brain is processing all these events at once, versus uh, PTSD, which is also extreme, but that would come from maybe, like something very specific, like I was in a car crash, and everything’s kind of tied to that. And so what’s fascinating about CPTSD, and what really helped me is how much it I think we always think trauma is like a feeling, but trauma is actually a bunch of specific movements in your brain. It changes the shape your brain. It turns certain parts on and off. It messes with your perception of time and all sorts of things in the name of trying to protect you. And I had been so high functioning, I did not think I had trauma and like that. And the moment I was able to, like get trauma care and meds, it was life changing. I say in the book, this is the closest I can describe to what it feels like, is that it feels like brushing your hair for 20 years every morning you brush your hair and you know, you brush your hair, and you’re like, today’s the day I brush my hair. And one day, you look down and you realize you’ve been holding a pine cone the whole time, and then you’re like, Oh yeah, I have been holding a pine cone, but you only realized it that day. And all of these events that you know you lived through, you you were there. You remember them, but they were shaped as normal, or Okay, or not that bad, or you blocked them out. Suddenly you’re able to be like, oh, that was really bad, and start processing.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  15:16

Let’s me and you talk about dads, we’re gonna get to your cart. I and I need, by the way, I did a preview your cart, and I we have to have because I need to ask you, okay, very excited.

 

Chelsea Devantez  15:26

Yeah, everyone’s […] I thought we’re gonna find about fun products. What is happening to us this morning.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  15:30

We’re gonna do this. We’re going to do that. But I just, how can you and I not.

 

Chelsea Devantez  15:34

I know, actually, can I tell you something?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  15:37

Yes, okay.

 

Chelsea Devantez  15:38

I think I’ve DM this to you. I think I’ve emailed this to you, but I just want to say it again. So I was keeping a secret about my about my dad not being my dad since I was 14 years old, because I was asked you about my family, and when your documentary came out, I was like full sobbing on the couch. And our stories are so different, but that core anger and pain and what it does to your sense of self. I was just crying and crying and crying, and I put up this post on Instagram about your movie, and I made the text just as small as you can make it in my Instagram story being like this, Oh, I’m getting emotional. This speaks to me so much. This means so much to me, like I and I don’t even know what I said, but I said something like, I can relate to this. It was the first time I had ever publicly, really nodded towards this was pre post 10 year movie, yeah, and my, my best friends, who obviously knew we’re like, look at you like you’re doing it. And I’m like, I know in point five font, I have made a step. So yeah, so I just, I’ve just always loved you so much from afar, and it’s just meant so much to me to see someone else, like, be loud about it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  16:54

I remember you telling me, like you have, like we have similarities. And I I was never going to push but I had no idea that that wasn’t public knowledge. I, you know, like, I didn’t know that that was that moment in time, wow.

 

Chelsea Devantez  17:10

Yeah, because you know you I told people close to me, I told people in my life. But you know, when you’re in Hollywood or it’s like, I wasn’t talking about it on, like, pop.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  17:19

You don’t leave that, you know what? Yeah. It’s not like, oh, I’m having a general meaning.

 

Chelsea Devantez  17:24

Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. And I would, I would say it to people, but I would also say, this is, this is a secret. This is a family secret. So, like, this is information that, you know, I feel safe sharing with you, but don’t pass it around. So anyone who knew it about me knew this isn’t like, a fun, cute anecdote for her, like, this is sensitive, and we don’t talk about it, you know, without her permission.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  17:46

Oh, man, yeah, it’s interesting how, like, again, our stories are so different. But yet, the you know, my mom also said your dad, also, 14 years old, also, well, your dad’s not your real dad. And also the reaction of of pure shock. And also my mom also was like, well, I you who cares? Who cares? Also, you knew that. You knew that [..]

 

Chelsea Devantez  18:20

I mean, those are intense similarities. Those are intense set of similarities. And it’s it’s hard, because it makes you not trust your brain in that moment. Because you’re a 14 year old kid, your brain’s not done so when the authority figure tells you something about your truth and your reality and your brain, it pretty intensely shapes you until you can go back and untangle it with health insurance.

 

Chelsea Devantez  18:52

I remember I go, I mean, trauma therapy for a while. And she’s like, you know, there’s a lot of different modalities we can do to kind of go into the next step of healing. She’s like, one of them is a trauma narrative where you and I slowly piece by piece, as much as you can handle, we’ll put your story in order. We’ll write it down until everything is in place and your full trauma narrative is written, and then slowly you will read little parts out loud to me, see how your body is feeling, go through it, blah, blah, blah, blah. She was like, would you like to do that? I said, fuck, no, no, no, it sounds horrible. I don’t want to do that. Okay, years and years later, I’m writing the book, and my therapist is like, as we’re towards the end, she’s like, I just want you to know you just did a trauma narrative, but on steroids, and I was talking to her every week. But you know, you have your editor, and you’re putting it out, and somehow the idea of making comedy out of it, making meaning out of it. Making art out of it was very appealing to me, but just sitting with it myself, like by myself with her, I was like, the I don’t need to heal. No, thanks. I’ll make art about it. Yes, okay, I’ll do it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  19:52

For me. I would feel like, if I told you what happened Chelsea and I didn’t have the cameras, I would worry you didn’t believe me. Okay, and I would worry that I would remember it wrong, and I would have, I don’t know I, you know what I mean, I found myself so problematic, you know, because of all the parents I had, didn’t stick around. Were the ones that did were like I, all these things were so mixed up. And I keep saying this over and over, I was able to put form to my dysfunction, and 100% it’s my narrative, it’s my edit. It’s literally my edit, so it’s like.

 

Chelsea Devantez  20:34

Wharton, yes. And I think making sense out of the nonsensical, it’s too much. It’s blah blah, and putting it in order in a form that other people digest. That’s how clear it has to be. It feels so good. And you go, I can trust myself. It does, can I tell you one more thing? Because I know we’re we will have to move on, but one more thing that I like, absolutely like, was my absolute fucking favorite. And I’m sorry to be like, saying it’s my favorite, and I’m laughing, and you’re gonna be like, This is my worst pain. I’m like, yes, I know mine too. But when he asks you for money, because so many of the narratives of like, find your dad and like, oh my god, don’t you want to know your dad? And it’s like, Hey, let me tell you something. A dad who abandons you disappears or is an anonymous sperm donor, they’re usually the worst person in the world. Like, you’re not looking for a great guy. You’re not you’re not about to find someone wonderful. You are about to find someone who wants money. And when you work in Hollywood, they’ll be very excited that you’re their daughter. And I just I loved the ending, even though it was so painful, because it finally felt so real, especially in the donor community, because you’re always finding, I won’t speak for everyone, but you’re usually finding, you’re finding someone who’s who sold their sperm for $25 like you, they want money.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  21:49

No, Chelsea, don’t tell yourself short. You said it was $50.

 

Chelsea Devantez  21:54

Okay, but you know what? I wrote $50 in the book, because I went with inflation. But at the time, it was the 80s, and it was $25 I just knew people would be like, that’s impossible. So I was like, I’ll adjust for inflation for this sentence, it is $25 Are you kidding me? 50 bucks? Way too much, way too much for Jizz.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  22:14

But from the coal of that man’s jizz, Chelsea devontes forged, forged into this diamond that I see before me.

 

Chelsea Devantez  22:24

That’s right, that’s right, because of daddy.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  22:30

Let us get into your cart. Obviously, add to cart. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m going to anyways. But let’s get into shopping, I know you’re a professional shopper as I am, I just it’s everything. I mean, everything. What kind are you? Like? Share what type of shopper you are.

 

Chelsea Devantez  22:47

Okay, so this is gonna sound so corny, because the podcast is called Glamorous Trash. But like, I need it to be trash while being nice. Like, I need a deal. I need a DIY. Would love it if it was free. I’m not the kind of shopper that’s like, trust me, guys, these $500 linens are worth it. I’m like, we gotta find these for less somewhere. Someone has duped these. And I love going to my Instagram search bar, typing in what I want and just letting the algorithm become my personal shopper. Just feed me the ads of what I’m fucking looking for. I have bought so many things that way. I say whimsical desert dress. I let Steve Jobs and the Internet Gods just try and send me every ad in the world until I find the dress I’m looking I’m looking for and I purchase it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  23:24

Wait, I like the idea that when Steve Jobs passed on, that he became, sort of, he became a spirit guide for, like, the douche minutia of Instagram shopping. I like that he’s the Saint of that.

 

Chelsea Devantez  23:41

He’s my What Not to Wear, pie in the sky, Angel looking down upon me, sending me Rex.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  23:48

I like that very much, the Steve Jobs screen of protection and an Add to Cart-ness. So let’s talk about the cart. Let’s get into the Cheekbone Lip Gloss.

 

Chelsea Devantez  24:01

Yes. Okay, so I love this brand. It’s an indigenous brand. It’s sustainable, like, kind of all of the values that they work for as a brand are everything you want to be, like, buying and investing in, like, Listen, if we cannot invest in charities, let’s invest in the lip gloss company that is supporting the right people. And then on top of that, the lip gloss is perfect, because very important to me is a sticky to creamy ratio. And if the ratio is off, it’s not the perfect lip gloss. And cheekbone has nailed like the creaminess with just enough stickiness. And then they have colors that really pop and aren’t just like a bunch of nude lip glosses that Kim Kardashian wears. It’s like they’ve got, like, little tiny hints of color to, like, really bold colors.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  24:47

Thank you for this new to me brand, and I love what you’re saying. It’s like you don’t want a lip gloss that was like back in the day, the MAC lip gloss that, like your anything, hair, lint would just get stuck on it, I sometimes I’ll try some pigment stuff that’s too dry and almost clear, like and I just don’t enjoy that feeling, even if the pigment looks really nice. So I’m into this. It’s $23 harmony lip gloss. Down, I’m so down for this, uh, new Nuevo CBD. These is for your pains, your joints.

 

Chelsea Devantez  25:23

Okay, I must have been out of my mind on the bookstore as I wrote this Nuevo is actually a company in New Mexico that is so cool. They send New Mexico gifts to people like green chili, incredible. The CBD brand is next Evo. So I’m I really must have lost my mind whenever I sent this wreck in. But I have to say, I do recommend nu Nuevo, because you know how you want to, like, send a gift to someone, but it’s so hard you’re not gonna like, curate a box. Blah, blah, yeah, go to their site. They have like, candles with crystals in them. They have like, cute, funny shirts. They have gorgeous books. They ship from New Mexico to anywhere in the world. It’s like gifts that someone has never gotten before. And they also did my book boxes. So they would, like, brand my boxes. They would fill it with New Mexico goods, and they would send it to people, so I do recommend them.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  26:09

Okay, but they don’t sell CBD. Copy that, copy that, copy that. Okay, well, let’s talk about your CBD, though.

 

Chelsea Devantez  26:16

Um, next EVO, CBD sleep gummies so pandemic happens. Yasser and I are, like, we’ve got droppers of CBD. We’re just dropping them into each other’s mouths trying to relax. He got really into CBD joints, like it was all fine and good. I went from like, NyQuil to Trazodone to Ambien. I went through everything to try and help me sleep. And then I found this amazing sleep pill called Trump loses the election, and I started sleeping better more and more, and so finally, I wasn’t really using anything anymore. And then I stumble upon next EVO Naturals Gummies. Stumble Upon they bought an autumn an ad on my podcast. But to be clear, they’re no longer paying me, and they should rude. Their gummies are so good, they’re incredible. They’re better than anything I’ve ever used. And I go to sleep so peacefully, and I have a really hard time sleeping.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:11

Oh, this is a hot tip, bring back, come back, come back to glamorous trash next to you, bitch.

 

Chelsea Devantez  27:17

Take out an app. I actually like you now. I’m paying for it myself, annoying.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:22

So annoying, okay, what is travel agency bath bomb?

 

Chelsea Devantez  27:26

Okay, travel. This is another CBD product. So, okay, so, um, travel agency is a queer owned cannabis company, so they’ll do like, full THC products. It’s also like, so chic and hot. So if you’re in New York City, you can like, can, like, go to the cool store, but they have this CBD bath salts called, like, lime and chill or something. And I got some from them. I’m on the book tour. It was a, you know, we’ve been traveling so long. I was like, I’m gonna take little CBD bath. Pour these suckers in the hotel bath. I take a bath. I went to the moon. I was like, it was incredible. It really seeps into your skin, but it’s CBD, so you’re not actually getting high. But I was like, floating, and it was wonderful.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:16

Okay, that’s some Torah shit, right there.

 

Chelsea Devantez  28:19

Yes, I love that bed, couch combo filled with CBD.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:26

Yes, yes, Praxis lashes. I’m not familiar with the brand.

 

Chelsea Devantez  28:31

Prado slashes.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:33

Oh, sorry.

 

Chelsea Devantez  28:34

This also could be my fault. Maybe I sent these wrecks from my CBD bathtub.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:38

I have feeling that perhaps, this feels pretty correct from your sensory your your DIY, sensory deprivation tank. Chelsea’s got her phone, and she’s like […]

 

Chelsea Devantez  28:55

Oh, I got these right, because let me misspell everything wll, it’s just proof that the CBD I’m recommending works. Okay? Prado slashes. This company is so cool. This is another indigenous owned makeup brand. They are from New Mexico. They work out of New Mexico. They’ve been featured in all the hot glossy magazines, and I love all their products and their lip colors again, like they will do color work, like you have never seen in another line, but their lashes. They have a pair of lashes they sell called Santa Fe, and Santa Fe is where my family has lived for the past 20 years. So of course, put them in my cart. I bought them two years ago. They’re still on tour with me. I’ve worn them those, yeah, like, like, 30 times hot tip from me is, if you use weave glue when you apply your lashes, it just keeps forming a nice thick base, and then you just keep kind of sticking them on and peeling them off. And they’ve been intact the whole fucking time. And they come in a really cute little box that helps you keep them intact, and it’s really tiny.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:59

I’ll see this. Is a high weave glue I had like a child, and you’re my mother, finally giving me some wisdom. Like, really, weave glue?

 

Chelsea Devantez  30:09

Weave glue. It’s something I picked up from drag queens. And weave glue is just such a better applicator. And you just, you dab it on, just the way you would like mascara glue, but other mascara glue, it’s like it just doesn’t even work. Weave glue is just so thick and nice and creamy you just put it on, it peels right off because it’s meant for your hairline, so it just comes off in a much better clump. It keeps your lashes intact. And Prados also has lashes like they have a lash called gunkle, and the lashes are, like, three inches long. So like, you wait, if you’re using those, you need weave glue.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  30:49

Because they’re so heavy, wow. Okay, okay, I’m about to see you. I’m learning I see you.

 

Chelsea Devantez  30:59

Kulap can you open your eye, you’re weighted down.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:03

You’re holding them up to talk, yes, but don’t I look feminine?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:19

Okay, now we’re entering the part that I like desperately. I need to know, like, what you’re up to, because you have a beautiful, large rack. It’s known I have eyes. I also have a big rack. And you’re talking about things that I have given up on, and I feel that you have figured stuff out, that there’s new technology. I haven’t used titty tape for because it just didn’t work. Chelsea doesn’t work doing.

 

Chelsea Devantez  31:47

Oh, okay, I no, the one I am telling this changed my fucking life. I am entering my late 30s. I’m like, how dare you motherfuckers keep this from me for so long, I could have been at the club in cute dresses and not my long sleeve T shirts this whole time. So our other beautiful, big racked friend, Ashley Nicole black, turned me on to an influencer called juicy body goddess. She makes her own line of big old titty tape. That’s what it’s called, big old titty tape.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:19

Which from the brand name.

 

Chelsea Devantez  32:20

That’s a brand name, that’s your product. Oh, my God, I’m in it’s just giant tape for giant titties. And if you go like on my Instagram, no big deal. I am wearing backlist dresses. I am wearing sheer dresses. I am going strapless, because the tape works so well. You just craft your own bra under in whatever shape you need, via the tape. And it holds it up, because I think the tape is like, it’s like, seven inches wide. It’s, it’s changed my life, it’s changed how I buy things.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:53

One time, this is in my 20s. I just, I just, okay, I just use duct tape. And there was a lot of issues with that. The shape I created, sort of like my I pushed it too hard on the bottom the ledge, like, sort of two gargoyles, like an eagle, sort of that part. And then there was the removal, which was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, okay, wow.

 

Chelsea Devantez  33:20

So this works, this is it’s so it’s not gonna have that duct tape rubbery feel, but it’s really, really strong. So you really are molding it. You’re, you know, the the scene and ghost where she’s, like, making a pot, like making a pot, and it’s, like, so sexy. That’s what you’re doing, tape. You’re like, wrapping it around to create a nice lift, then going on the other side, putting your straps where you want them. I’ll take scissors and cut any excess, okay, totally sticks on. It totally works. You do want to be in the shower when you take it off. If you’re in the shower when you take it off, it’ll be totally fine. If you try and take it off dry, we’ll be back into like, beauty is pain, and I’ve been there, I’m like, beauty is pain. Here we go. But it even when I want to wear, like, a dress that has a built in bra, but that’s obviously not gonna be enough. I’ll just take one strip and kind of push it together, just put them right in the middle, then it goes in the dress that has the bra, and they’re just, like, higher and nicer. And then I have one more tip for you. I’m so excited about this. Okay, she also sells FUPA tape. And I was like, what the fuck. But I was like, I’m not going.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:23

So intrigued.

 

Chelsea Devantez  34:24

Yeah, so I’m not gonna do that. But if you buy my book, you will find out I had seven and a half pound ovarian tumor removed, and.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:32

Yeah, I really marked that Chelsea, that it was just like, in the hit, I was just like, what?

 

Chelsea Devantez  34:38

Just like, what and why.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:40

You in all caps, went, can a bitch get a break?

 

Chelsea Devantez  34:42

Yeah, like, are you kidding me? Like, and now this, but I have this scar. I have, like a, like a kind of a five inch scar, horizontal. Some people who’ve had C sections will have the same scar. And so now I take a piece of my big old titty tape or my big food tape whatever I’ve bought. I just put it right over my stomach, just right on front before I put my Spanx on, if I’m really going for the gold. Now this is, this is only for special occasions. This is for, like, I’ve been invited somewhere really, really nice. I would only do this like three times a year, but it changed my Spanx game.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  35:23

Oh, I’m just so thrilled to spread the Gospel. Oh, this is, it feels like this is for me and only me, and that’s why.

 

Chelsea Devantez  35:31

We’re stretching it out.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  35:34

City tape, no, because I can’t do the backlist. I just have, like, I just don’t when we’re searching for dresses, I don’t do the backlist. I don’t do you know, I’m not doing the strapless, but like, I have noticed that you can, and I’m you have rocked it, and I just didn’t understand how you’re not gatekeeping, and I appreciate that, thank you.

 

Chelsea Devantez  35:54

I am so happy to spread the gift on and I’m just so upset at all the years I lost, all the strapless years I lost when I had a bolero on, why? Because I had a bra on.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  36:05

Even a bolero is nice to me, though, in my head, I like it. It’s very southwest. It is very southwest. Love Bolero.

 

Chelsea Devantez  36:15

I just have probably 11 boleros, one in each color for any outfit you may need.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  36:22

What about this Tala built in bra top? Because that’s, this is adjacent.

 

Chelsea Devantez  36:29

This is adjacent. So there’s this influencer I love following her name’s Grace Beverly. She’s in the UK. We’re nothing to like. She’s like, this cute fitness queen. And I just love following her, because I’m like, what’s that life? And she started this more sustainable workout line brand, which that’s nice, but what I saw was a built in bra top that gives you the cleavage of your dreams. And again, we’re big boobed girls, so this is impossible. Yes, I I said, I’ll try one again. You want to go to go to my Instagram. There’s a video of me at the airport find my book for the first time, and my tits are as if I’m like, at a porno competition for tits, and I am just wearing the braless workout top that she sells. And it gives you like dream boobs, and you don’t have to wear a bra, it’s crazy.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  37:17

Don’t have to wear a bra.

 

Chelsea Devantez  37:19

Don’t key right key.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  37:21

Have to wear a bra.

 

Chelsea Devantez  37:23

Feels impossible.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  37:25

It really, really does, wow.

 

Chelsea Devantez  37:29

Also, my husband was like, so when you’re traveling, like, you just have like, Dolly Parton tits. I was like, Oh, it’s my braless top. Yeah, I don’t care about the cleavage. It’s just I didn’t want to wear a bra on the plane so that I’m in this top so your boobs are just like.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  37:44

Okay, oh, okay, Chelsea, but what? Which one is that? Which one is that? Because I have a.

 

Chelsea Devantez  37:49

Yeah, the deep V neck. They also have one, rhat’s a high crew neck. It’s no bra, I have that one too. I like it, but the deep V I get it in black. It’s the Tala, uh, T, A, L A, no bra top, and it is, it’s fire. You size up, I sized up. Um, Tiffany link desk built in support, V neck, full length vest the day, flex, yeah.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:12

It’s called a vest.

 

Chelsea Devantez  38:14

Yeah, I know, but hey, you know it is, and she has a tank top version and she has a long sleeve version.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:20

Great, great. Thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much.

 

Chelsea Devantez  38:24

All of my wrecks I’m realizing are little moss weed and boobs.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:30

It’s great, great. We love a theme. Yeah, thank you. Okay, but now let’s get into remove from cart. Wait, why are you removing hokas? Chelsea, why?

 

Chelsea Devantez  38:44

They’re not? I don’t understand why they got all they’re fine. They’re just like another shoe. I don’t understand. And they they’re their soul is so thick they don’t move with the foot.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:55

No, they don’t, they don’t, but it’s as if we’re all nurses.

 

Chelsea Devantez  39:00

And it’s like we do better work than being comedians. It’s like we’re helping people I know I got, you know, or during the strike, everyone said, hokas, I love a supportive shoe. And I’m just, I think it’s fine. I don’t think it’s worth the money. It’s, it’s okay.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:15

Wow, you love your Hoka. I do because it’s, I feel like they’re walking on a cloud. Now, again, they do look like either toddler shoes or geriatric shoes, or you’re working with either the geriatric or the toddler set, but I feel like they’re more comfortable for my aging, my age and body.

 

Chelsea Devantez  39:38

No, you know what crocs is making boots. Now those motherfuckers are like walking on clouds, and if you’re gonna wear an ugly shoe, go all the way.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:46

We wait the boots, though, not even just like the like you want the boots?

 

Chelsea Devantez  39:52

They make these like and like. I get compliments all the time. By the way, my husband bought me these so it can’t be my because I would never see them and wear them I wear. Them. I get compliments all the time. Yeah, they’re Croc boots, there’s like, they’re big, colorful, yellow ones and and red, they almost look like rain boots. And then there’s like a cloud boot that is made of, like, clouds, oh, oh, my God. It’s just giant Croc shoes.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  40:15

I’ve come around on crocs. I was against them. I had my daughter. I looked at her cute feet, and then it was all over for me. So now I am living I’m in the croc club. A brag, brag. I didn’t know about these boots. Go look at the boots section.

 

Chelsea Devantez  40:30

I’ma look. Take a gander, take a gander.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  40:33

Would you fuck with those cowboy boots, those cowboy crocs? Would you do that?

 

Chelsea Devantez  40:37

Yasser bought me a pair.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  40:38

Yes he did.

 

Chelsea Devantez  40:39

Yes he did. And you know what I did for our anniversary, I bought him a pair. They’re so ugly, and that’s funny to me. I like things that are so ugly. They’re like, maybe cool again.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  40:53

No, I get it. I get that. I really do. Okay, so you are done and over with under eye brightener.

 

Chelsea Devantez  41:01

Yeah, yes, have you seen those on tick tock? No. It’s like extra cooling minty, you, you it’s like a bomb you rub under your eye to, like, brighten it, and it has like, little tingles in it. And I just think it’s such a scam. Why do I think that I bought three different kinds, just wondering if I had the wrong kinds I have, I have bad, dark under eye circles.

 

Chelsea Devantez  41:24

I was like, I must have the formula wrong. I must need the rose gold nope, I need the champagne mist. And there’s a bunch of brands selling them, and I they’re just not the under eye fix that people are saying they are.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  41:24

So you like, like, a researcher, you’re more, you’re yeah, you did the science, you did the research. Okay?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  41:40

Okay, so let’s just be us. That’s just Tiktok, propaganda. Okay, and then you’re saying, fuck it. Fuck Macy’s towels. Get it. Get gone. Okay, get gone.

 

Chelsea Devantez  41:53

So right before Christmas last year, I was like, we should have matching towels, because our family’s coming over. We’re married. I’m an adult, let’s get matching towels. I’ve never had that in my life. Here we go, and I think to myself, where do you go for nice, nice matching towels? Again, I’m from trash, so I thought Macy’s. Macy’s the beautiful store with home goods. I bought all these towels from Macy’s to match. It was like Egyptian cotton, blah, blah, blah, terrible, terrible. They pilled, they’re awful, they’re horrible. And now I have a bunch of matching kitchen rags, because I cut them up into kitchen rags and they all match. And now I have a bunch of weird unmatched towels, but they’re good towels. You must know where to get good towels.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  42:37

Where are they?

 

Chelsea Devantez  42:38

Where did I get my towels? I got my towels from Parachute.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  42:43

Yes, okay.

 

Chelsea Devantez  42:44

So it is what it’s cracked up to be.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  42:46

Yeah, I really do like, I like, but also I got some good target towels. I’m gonna be honest with you.

 

Chelsea Devantez  42:52

Really?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  42:53

I’ve got some good target towels, okay.

 

Chelsea Devantez  42:55

And I only fuck with white towels too.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  42:57

What ?

 

Chelsea Devantez  42:59

I know white towels and white sheets.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  43:01

How do you how do you make up?

 

Chelsea Devantez  43:04

Well, for makeup I’m like, I use a drawer full of, like, whitewashed shells, but they’re not, who knows, seeing those, you know what I mean? They’re not perfectly those are not perfectly white. Those are, like, my regs, you know what I mean. So like, yeah, that, but yeah, that’s what I fuck with I’m one of those psychos.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  43:20

That is, that is so chic. It’s haunting, it’s like, I started this podcast, like we’re so alike, and then you told me the white towel thing. And I’m like, I’ve never been more different from a human in my life.

 

Chelsea Devantez  43:31

That’s how, yes, you should, yeah, I know it’s cool.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  43:35

It’s very chic and sexy. They real quick before I let you go, do you when you travel? I gotta know this, because this is, it’s become an Add to Cart kind of spectrum you SuChin, or are you? Are you? Jason Mantzoukas, do you use packing cubes?

 

Chelsea Devantez  43:52

I don’t use packing cubes, but for the first time in my life, because we’re on a book tour, and I had 19 outfits to bring, I used vacuum seal bags from Amazon changed my life. Why? Why did I not give in sooner?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  44:07

Okay, that this is, this is a new development on this corner as well. In this cart, Paul Scheer brought it up, and he used that for packing. That’s what I think SuChin ended up using. And just today, just today. Chelsea, I want space saving. I’m I love organization, and I shrunk down like two King pillows into just like a tiny it’s a tiny thing, and it’s so satisfying. I just posted a video on Add to cart because I was just like, it’s so stupid. But it’s these pleasures that I can make something large, small.

 

Chelsea Devantez  44:42

Yes, yes, especially when you’re going on a trip and you’re like, I want three different dresses to choose from that night. You’ve got to seal them in a vacuum bag or the otherwise. I mean, you can’t do the rolls. You can’t fold it like, you’ve got to, like, use science.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  44:56

You’re playing with proportion and volume. So I know how you dress. So it’s like, yes, you guys, shrink that down.

 

Chelsea Devantez  45:02

We got to balance out these titties somehow. And that’s with like, a big, full tutu on bottom, and that takes up a lot of space in your bag.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  45:09

This is a hack. This is so good. Oh my gosh, I have to let you go. I don’t want to, this was an amazing episode. Chelsea, everybody Add to Cart her book. It’s, it’s, again, it’s, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m going to anyway. You can get it at all your fine bookstores. I hope you can come back when Su is here. I know she’s upset that she can’t make it.

 

Chelsea Devantez  45:28

No, tell her hi, well, and to all your listeners, come listen to one of the funniest episodes we’ve ever recorded. I think it’s gonna come out right when I get back from tour, but SuChin, and Kulap, we book clubbed brandy Glanville as if it’s a real book, and I just can’t wait for everyone to listen to it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  45:48

Chelsea is on Instagram @Chelseadevantez, D, E, V, A, N, T, E, Z. It’s our Auntie book club pick for this month. It’s amazing, thank you, Chelsea.

 

Chelsea Devantez  45:58

Thank you, thank you. I love you, bye.

 

CREDITS  46:06

There’s more, Add to cart with Lemonada premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like where we tell you about the last item we bought or returned, and why subscribe now in Apple podcasts. Add To Cart is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producers are Kegan Zema and Tiffany Bouy. Brian Castillo is our engineer. Theme music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers or Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Follow Add to Cart wherever you get your podcasts or listen at free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.