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When Paul Scheer was a senior in high school he decided that he would only apply to NYU because if it was good enough for Theo Huxtable, it was good enough for him. Sam talks to Paul about decisions he’s made since then (not based on Theo Huxtable), like having kids and deciding what kind of parent to be. They bond over being “latchkey kids,” the crazy stories their grandmothers used to tell them, seeing movies in theaters, and what their ideal sex-ed class looks like.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Paul Scheer, Samantha Bee

Samantha Bee  00:00

Hey everyone, it’s me Sam Bee, you know, just in case you’re curious, those who are watching this right now on YouTube get to check out my beautiful floral shirt, which is about as close to a Hawaiian shirt as I’ll ever get. Anyway, If you love a visual, have at it. Listen for as long as I can remember I speaking of visuals, I have always loved watching movies and watching TV. Truly, they were the best babysitters, the only babysitters when I was growing up. The fact that I work in the entertainment industry and see how little, tiny ideas become incredible, art never ceases to tickle me, because that is just what film and TV are. Art, There is beauty somewhere, sometimes hidden in every show, there was skill and there is passion and human effort in everything that you see on the screen, which is why, ugh, have some serious choice words for the corporate goals for literally disappearing projects in favor of tax breaks, tax breaks. Oh, it’s so true. Recently, we have seen like a cruel trend, like a tsunami of companies and their executives removing, literally disappearing, existing or in production projects, because if they never see the light of day, those companies can say that the films or shows are worth nothing, and then they take a multi million dollar tax break from the loss. I mean, can you imagine spending years making a project and then once it’s finally done, rather than millions of people getting to watch it, someone in a corner office decides to basically flush down the toilet for a tax break instead. That is so painful. It has happened so often, you know, with like, well known, recently completed movies like, remember Batgirl and coyote versus Acme? I mean, that is just like a drop in the bucket full libraries are just gone, not available, even a show, a perfect show, if I may like, the detour, which my husband and I worked on tirelessly for years. It is such a gem and it is impossible to find, and that is too bad so deeply upsetting, because now you’re never gonna get to see me play my own husband’s mother. Yes, of course, that was weird for both of us. Look, I may not have a business degree, but I do know that this can’t possibly be the best long term business decision is disappearing art to please shareholders really where we want to be.

 

Samantha Bee  04:33

This is Choice Words, I’m Samantha Bee, yes, my guest today is the funny, super funny and thoughtful. Paul Scheer, you definitely know Paul from TV shows like The league and Black Monday and the podcasts. How Did This Get Made and unspooled? Paul is truly like a true fan of film, which is why we bonded over a. Are fury at companies who are just like removing movies from our world. Oh, God, but don’t despair. At least we still have books. His new book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma is out now, so take a listen and make good choices.

 

Samantha Bee  05:22

I’m so excited to be talking to you right now.

 

Paul Scheer  05:24

I am too. I’m such a fan.

 

Samantha Bee  05:26

Okay, tell me about before we get into the whole How was your book tour to it? When did your book? When did you release it?

 

Paul Scheer  05:33

May 21, I don’t know if I understood exactly what this was. I don’t understand. Like, you know, it’s like, it it seems like it’s a never ending race, although there are markers at certain points that you can look at and be like, Okay, did this and now here, and it’s but it’s been fun. And also, the interesting thing is reading, and I’ve found that that’s a quality that seems to be going on on a side where people don’t really get it. People don’t jump into that pool that much anymore, you know. So it’s interesting. I mean, a lot of people do.

 

Samantha Bee  06:08

They do.

 

Paul Scheer  06:09

But yeah, I guess when I was a kid, or even when I was in college, and post college, I would hang out in bookstores, get books, have books, you know. And I don’t know if that’s happening that much anymore. So thank God for audiobooks and things. Thank we love it.

 

Samantha Bee  06:22

We love it when people, we love when people read a book. And we love a book tour, we love to go out there and sling that book.

 

Paul Scheer  06:28

The best part of the book tour has been meeting everybody. I know that sounds like very like show busy to say, but it actually it’s I had the most fun on my book tour. It was exhausting, but it was amazing to just travel around. I still have other things that I’m doing.

 

Samantha Bee  06:43

Yeah. Oh, that’s awesome. Well, it is great. It’s so funny. Okay, so we’re going to talk all about it, but first I’m going to want to talk to you about big choices, because you’ve made some big choices in your life, and this podcast is called choice words, so we lead yes with the concept of choice. And you talk a lot about it, actually, in your book.

 

Paul Scheer  07:04

You know, I was thinking about this idea of, like, where do I talk about choice? To you because there’s, there’s a very easy way into it and saying, like, the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make, I think, is having kids. Because that’s, like, that’s a no take back choice, like, that’s going to change everything. But I’m also like, is that too is that too easy to say? Is that, like, a, is that a choice that’s too easy? I can talk about anything, because I think we both are in a world where you’re constantly forced to make choices. You have these moments like, Oh, my God, thank God, I chose that, because I would have been this, like Gwyneth Paltrow sliding doors moment, where maybe it all goes south really fast.

 

Samantha Bee  07:45

Totally, when I read the book, one thing that stood out to me is that you chose your that you chose your college trajectory by following in the path of Theo Huxtable. And I think that’s a brave.

 

Paul Scheer  07:58

That that may be the dumbest choice that married, yes, so I decided to go to NYU, because Theo Huxtable from the Cosby Show, a show that I love, I was like, Oh, well, Theo went to NYU. I should go to NYU. Like, that was the extent of the thought put into me. I did not know anything else. It wasn’t like, oh, I don’t want to go too far away from home. I just had no focus, no career aspirations, like there was nothing that was pulling me forward, and you were faced with this decision, like, you have to go to college, not even by my parents. It’s like societal norms state, like you finish high school, you go to college. And I was just like, I don’t know, I’ll go with you. And that was I went. I did one application. I think I was forced, because I went to school in New York state, to do a couple, like, you did one application for all the Sunni schools. That didn’t count in my mind, because that was like, I was in a college prep school that they were like, you have to, you have to fill out the form to go to a Sunni school, so I did that. But the only college I applied to was, and.

 

Samantha Bee  09:08

That was the only college that you applied to. I feel sad sometimes when I think back about the Cosby Show, because it was so influential. Like, I think, yeah, you were kind of latchkey. I was a latchkey kid, only child. These television programs functionally raised us.

 

Paul Scheer  09:25

100% when you just said that term latchkey kid, I think about that a lot like I would never feel comfortable with my kids. Oh, my God, home. My kids are seven and 10. I was coming home at that age, and I was like, yeah, I’m just in the house by myself, I would go bonkers knowing that I’m freaked. I couldn’t deal with that.

 

Samantha Bee  09:47

Can I tell you something? This is so stupid and embarrassed. I have three kids. Mine are, like, a little older than yours, but same I would never have until they were probably I might have actually. Just stopped doing it. I would close the toilet seat every single night, so in case they what, like, stumbled out of bed in the night, I didn’t want them to hit their head in the bathroom and drown in the toilet. Do you know I mean?

 

Paul Scheer  10:15

My God, I, first of all, I love that. I mean, I’ve my oldest is 10, so I can say, for the last 10 years, I have not slept solidly through the night, because I feel like one ear is always just attuned to any Oh, they moved in the bed. Are they up? Something going on? What’s happening like? Because, you know, when I was a kid, I did this thing. My parents were divorced, and my dad lived in Queens, and I would spend the weekends with him. One night, I got up in the middle of the night, I believe I was sleepwalking, and I walked out of his apartment into the city streets of Queens and him, and the door locked behind me, and I left. It was like, and I was and I, when I kind of put it all together, I was outside my dad’s house. It was the like two or three in the morning in that house, apartment and and I was on the street, just in my pajamas, and I didn’t know what to do.

 

Samantha Bee  11:13

Oh, my God, what did you do?

 

Paul Scheer  11:16

I walked down the block to a pay phone called my dad collect my dad picked up the moment. Hello, I’m like, Dad, it’s me. I’m outside the house. I locked myself out, and I was just maybe in fourth or fifth grade, like I was not that old. I just, I don’t know what happened. I think if I really think about it, I probably was hot and I was trying to get cool, so I opened the door, and then I walked outside. I don’t know what it was, but I just remember being awake and in the street.

 

Samantha Bee  11:49

In the street.

 

Paul Scheer  11:50

In Flushing.

 

Samantha Bee  11:51

In the streets and flushing in your jammies, in your just in my jammies, no shoes, no shoes.

 

Paul Scheer  11:58

That’s why I do like we have an alarm in our house. I’m like, okay, at least of our kids open a door, and many mornings, that is how I’m woken up, because my son will be like, I want to play basketball, so I open the door at 5:45, in the morning. And every alarm, you know, it’s like, but at least I know, at least I am like being alerted.

 

Samantha Bee  12:15

Right, do you worry ever that? Because, you know, because it is such a sharp contrast to the you know, we’ll talk all about your childhood for sure, and your book is largely about that. But like, Do you worry that your children won’t have that kind of independence or grit, like I do worry about my children forming grit, because I feel that you and I are made of grit, like.

 

Paul Scheer  12:41

You have to be made of grit, like, I mean, but did you need it that? I don’t know, because it’s like, I definitely grew up with grit you grew up with great, we get like, we get it, but then did we get it too early? I don’t even know. I mean, I think the grit that I thought I had quickly showed to be not much at all when I went, when I finally did go to NYU, I was like, oh, oh, okay. This is, this is different. Like, it was like, yeah, I can handle anything. And I think I could. I got some street smarts. I think that’s the most important thing. Is like, how do you get your kids to be street smart, but not put them in a position to mess up too bad, I guess.

 

Samantha Bee  13:22

Right, like not mess up too badly, but also not be too fearful, right? You can put a lot of fear into your children. You want to get the balance right.

 

Paul Scheer  13:32

I was completely tortured by the idea of like a strange person will pick you up and take you away like that, like being kidnapped, the way it was spoken about in my family. It was like it was happening non stop. It was like, it’s gonna rain on Wednesday, 10 kids are gonna be kidnapped in the same day. It’s like, it’s just, I don’t know if you remember this. Do you remember that case of that missing kid, Adam? His dad became John Wallace. He did the show, right? That story, for whatever reason really locked in, yeah, like, Adam was just at the mall, and he was just there and and it was taken, and it just to be taken.

 

Samantha Bee  14:08

To be taken.

 

Paul Scheer  14:12

You know, I didn’t want to be took. But, yeah, that was, like, that was a real scary thing my I, I talk about my grandma told me this story when I was a kid that that there was a rogue butcher in town, right? And the butcher would would basically wait until parents left the house, knock on the door, and then kidnap kids. And what are they? What is he doing with all these kids? And then the end of the story was a mom came home, or kid wasn’t there, Johnny, Johnny, where are you? And and then starts to make chopped meat for dinner, making burgers for dinner. And then the she looks at the burger, and the burger looks up at her and says, Mommy. And that was this story that, like, is burnt in my brain about, like, why not open the door for a rogue butcher?

 

Samantha Bee  14:58

Yeah, yes yeah. And because the butcher not only chops up your child, turns your child into chop meat, he then sneaks back into your house to populate your fridge with fresh meat.

 

Paul Scheer  15:09

There’s a lot of questions about this butcher and what he does, I will say, on the book tour, someone came up to me after that one of the things, and said, Is your grandma Italian? I said, yeah, she is, and goes, well, my grandma’s Italian. And told me about a winemaker who went around kidnapping children and and bleeding them out for

 

Samantha Bee  15:29

Wine, fresh to ferment, to turn them into wine.

 

Paul Scheer  15:34

I mean, these are crazy story, I mean. And obviously everyone’s got their own levels of it. But that was like, these were told as truths. And I think, I think, like, when you get older and you start to realize, like, the first time I went to a doctor, like, as an adult, and he’s like, Oh, tell me your family history. And I started, like, telling him these stories, like, oh, well, he died of a broken heart. I’m like, wait, hold on. What does that what does that mean? Oh, you’re just your fuel.

 

Samantha Bee  15:58

I’ve got a couple of those in my family too, and you’re like, that’s not real.

 

Paul Scheer  16:03

Not no broken heart is not a thing that you die.

 

Samantha Bee  16:06

It’s not possible. There were other factors at play.

 

Paul Scheer  16:11

Were you? Did you get in trouble when? Like, were you like, okay, like, I was very I stayed and I towed the line. Okay? You know when I was at home in that way, like when I was like, I tried to really be respectful of the house, okay, and do my thing, you know?

 

Samantha Bee  16:25

Well, I want to say that I was pretty ignored until I but then I became a criminal. I had a brief enterprise as a criminal because I was your we would steal we would steal cars. Me and my boyfriend would steal cars. Oh, so bad. I mean, it’s so bad.

 

Paul Scheer  16:43

Wait, steal them, and then what would you do with them?

 

Samantha Bee  16:46

Like, sell pieces, chunk chunks of them.

 

Paul Scheer  16:49

Whoa, you were doing. Like, full okay? Because I it’s not.

 

Samantha Bee  16:53

I don’t, I don’t have, like, pride about it, but I do talk about it because it’s, like, very it was like choosing in life between going down a terrible path and going back to being like a good student. So I there was a crossroads.

 

Paul Scheer  17:09

I think it’s interesting, because not that everybody should steal cars, no, but you, but you do need to see like kind of both sides of of an equation. I think sometimes, because when I stole cars as a kid, it was just for joy rides, and it wasn’t like, stealing strangers cars. It was like, but, you know, that’s so incredibly dangerous. Like, we didn’t have licenses, and we were just like, oh, we could get out. We could do this thing. We’re driving around. You know, we’re a danger to everybody on the road. We’re a danger to ourselves, yeah, and, and you start to like, I think that’s when, that’s when like, your personality forms, like, in that way of like, I don’t this is fun, but it also is wrong.

 

Samantha Bee  17:54

It’s yeah, like, I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Like, I don’t think I want to lean into this. We’ll be right back after this.

 

Samantha Bee  20:18

It’s actually like, it’s fun listening to you talk about like it’s a dark side of growing up. It’s a really vulnerable book.

 

Paul Scheer  21:56

I feel like I really appreciate you saying that I you know, for me, I love people’s stories. And you know, even if they’re not the same story, right? It is something that I can connect to on an emotional level. And and when I first started writing the book, it was like, Oh, I can just tell these, like, funny stories. But I always knew that, like, the anecdote is funny and it can live over here in a dinner conversation, but then, like, the real story behind the anecdote is, like, right? Is actually more interesting. And people kind of, my, my agent that I have for the book really pushed me in that direction. It’s like, just, just go deeper. You could go deeper. And it was, and I think there’s a thing I watch a Steve Martin documentary, something about it really was interesting. Like, you know, he collects all this beautiful art, and at one point they play this clip, and it’s like, mid 90s, you know, and they’re like, oh, tell us a little bit about the art that you have. And he’s like, and he takes this moment, he’s like, actually, no, that’s, that’s my private business, and I’m not going to talk about that. And it was so interesting to see him, like, get defensive about, like, tell us about the art that you’re collecting, right?

 

Samantha Bee  23:05

It wasn’t like the pictures on the wall that you’re showing us?

 

Paul Scheer  23:09

Yeah, and he was like, That’s my private thing. And now he’s married, and he has this daughter, who I think is like, 12 years old now, and now he talks about his art all the time, okay? And he was talking about, like, how he had to keep certain things private because he didn’t want to, he didn’t feel like he could share it, because it was like something that was personal. And now he actually has a marriage and a child, and those are the things that he wants to keep tight to him and like, and he can now he can actually share the art like he had nothing in his life, like he felt a connection to it, in a way. And I thought that was, I know it’s not the same exact thing, but there’s this moment, I think, when you’ve made peace with it, or, you know, and I have like, and I’ve the book isn’t like therapy, it’s like a reflection of therapy, like I’m not like, you know, and I think that that I was able to, like let it go, because I’ve been able to like deal with it. It wasn’t like I was giving it over to people to then you, everybody can make their own assumptions on what it is, but at least I know I’m safe with it, and I feel like, Thank God I did that, because when it is out there, people say random, crazy shit to […]

 

Samantha Bee  24:19

You have to be so okay talking about it like because you have to go on a tour, you have to talk about yourself like it’s you have to tell the story in a way that is like funny, but also reflects the real emotion. And that can be really tricky.

 

Paul Scheer  24:37

And people will come at you with things about you, or about things in your life, and if you’re not, like, comfortable with where you’re at, you know, and that’s I think, for me, talking about these stories, and I talk about, like, abuse. I talk about, like, just growing up in this household where we kind of had to escape this man, like I was, I was finally able to do it, I think once I had kids, because it also. Gave me a perspective that was different. Like, I think, like seeing my kids grow up, I don’t know how you feel about this, but like seeing my kids grow up, I’m kind of blown away by how delicate they are. And, you know, and then looking back and being like, Oh yeah, my parents are like, you know, jump in the pool and you’ll learn how to swim. And it’s like, and I think there’s like a middle ground, like, what’s that middle ground of, like, not throwing them in the pool, but also not, like, protecting them don’t get in the pool. You know? It’s like, how do you find that middle ground of, like, raising a kid the right way, where they have this independence, they can get there. But I think when I had kids, it’s like when I started to understand, like, the frailty of a child and emotionally, where their minds are.

 

Samantha Bee  25:39

And I feel like, when you have your own children, it just like, reframes everything and the times were different too. So contextually, really, no one parented the way that we are currently parenting our children. So it was, it would have not been normal, in a way, if anyone had ever been home to receive me.

 

Paul Scheer  25:59

Oh no. I mean, that’s the thing. It wasn’t like. It wasn’t like, Oh, everybody else had this amazing life. I mean, you know, it’s like, I think it’s sort of like, how it starts to, like, reflect on you and what your parents do, like, the best advice I was ever given as a parent. We have a friend who’s a child psychologist, and June’s dad passed away right when our second child was born. So our first child was about three years old and could understand something happened. But, you know, death is tricky. Like, that’s a hard thing to digest. And we’re like, how do we talk about it with him? And she was like, Look, my rule of thumb is be honest, but be brief, and that has really been like a go to for me. It’s like, oh, how can I not lie? Because I think that that’s the thing that might I’ll say that I can just speak to my parents. My parents lied a lot, I think, to sugarcoat things, but that’s where you get into these problems, where you start to be like, when those things start to unravel, that’s like the biggest thing. Like my kids, like, they’ll ask me about Santa Claus, and I’ll be evasive, but I also don’t like triple down. Like, when my 10 year old was on the verge of figuring it out, I’m like, I’m not putting you in a position to go back to school and be made fun of, like, you’re here, you’re 78% believing that there’s no Santa. Like, we can rip this actually was more like 90. I was like, we’re gonna rip off this 9% and, you know, he wanted to know, but he didn’t want to know, but it’s like, but Better that than digging a deeper ditch of a lie and like, well, certain kids don’t believe. And this is, you know, right? It’s and I think that, like our parent, or at least my parents, did a lot of like lying to like to normalize.

 

Samantha Bee  27:43

Right, like pretending to live together when they were actually separated.

 

Paul Scheer  27:48

My parents lived together for years in this fake version of our life where my dad would come in the morning before I got up and be in the kitchen, and my mom was, you know, I was living with my mom, but they stayed in the same house, or they before they even did that, they were, like, staying in separate bedrooms, but like, creating this illusion. For me, I didn’t come to terms with that until I got older, because I would tell it as a cute story, like, oh, Isn’t it so cute? My parents would do this thing. They stayed together for like, three years. And I don’t want to sound like, Oh, what was me like? Play this like little violin now, but it’s like, it, it does fuck you up. When you are you’re like, oh, what’s real? What’s not real? I think that really played havoc in my own relationships, like, what, what’s true here, if that could be fake, is everything fake, right?

 

Samantha Bee  28:36

And you kind of look back on that, and probably there was some, there was an unsettling undercurrent too, yeah, the whole time.

 

Paul Scheer  28:43

Well, you knew it was wrong, like, like, there’s something about like, and I think that that’s the thing too, is like kids can sniff it out on some level. And like, You’re not asking all the questions. I remember, I would always, like, try to make them hug, right? Like, which is something that, like, right? I knew, like, on some level, if I can make them hug, is that gonna help this, or, I don’t know you’re right about, like, when you have kids, you also, I think, learn to forgive your parents as well, because you are a parent, and you make mistakes as well.

 

Samantha Bee  29:09

You do, and you see that you could, like, sometimes I’m mad about certain things. Like, I’m kind of, I kind of would get mad about certain things, and then I’m like, no, no, no, it’s this. I can’t re understand my life with with this context, but I would have, I can’t believe how much I was alone, like I was such danger so many times. And I’m really just very lucky to be intact.

 

Paul Scheer  29:35

Look, my kids are not climbing trees, yeah, but I think about that too, it’s like, oh, like, you know, are kids climbing trees? If they fall out of the tree, boom, they’re like, you know, like, and they fall in their head, they’re dead, right? Like, it’s like, I can’t protect them. That’s the most childlike activity you could possibly have. And we had different things, you know, like, I was walking a mile and a half to a bus stop, like, you know, to get on the bus, you know, like, in the cold, in the raid, you know, like, there are just certain things that you did. Uhm, you know, I tell the story in the book about, like, I had a home invasion because my stepfather wasn’t gonna pay this bill that he had, and this guy, like, was trying to break into our house, and I was the only kid. I was the only I was an only child. So I was, like, trying to hold down the while this, like, grown man is, like, Winnie the poohing through a window, trying to, like, squeeze into our house, and I’m just, like, beating them off with, like, like, a Halloween costume, ninja sword, you know, like, and, and when I came home, or my parents came home, they were like, well, you’re fine. And it was like, yeah, I’m fine, right? I didn’t get hurt. Like, yeah, he, you know, he didn’t get in. Life is fine, like, life is good, you know, meanwhile, like, somebody called my my youngest son, fat the other, you know, they’re here, and we’re, like, on the phone immediately, like, what’s going on? We do it.

 

Samantha Bee  30:54

Oh, my God, my husband. Okay, I don’t do you know my husband? Do you know Jason Jones?

 

Paul Scheer  30:58

I’m a very big fan of Jason, but I don’t know well, he the detour is one of my favorites of all time. I love it. So the perfect show.

 

Samantha Bee  31:09

You can’t ever get it. Did you know that it disappeared from this earth, not available?

 

Paul Scheer  31:14

I, I as a person who has many shows that have been disappeared, I it makes me furious, curious, and I know we’re talking about banned books, and I’m very much, yes, we should be talking about ban books, but we should also be like, trying to figure out, like, a free digital library for all these shows that have been pulled away from existence because it’s art. It is art.

 

Samantha Bee  31:34

Art, it’s, it’s the history of us.

 

Paul Scheer  31:37

It really is. It’s like, there’s, there are things that you can’t get. And it’s like, people put their blood, sweat and tears into this stuff, and it’s good, and it’s only reason why it’s not available is because some idiot decided it’s a tax write off, and they don’t care about it. But it’s like, it’s why.

 

Samantha Bee  31:53

We have to go back to the time when you were growing up and you were making your own video library by taping, by recording movies.

 

Paul Scheer  32:02

I had two VCRs that connected together with some AB courts, and I was sitting there transferring movies. I was breaking copy protection. I was taping movies off a pay per view. I started a whole i My dream was because I didn’t, I don’t know. Did you, like, know that you wanted to do, like, no comedy, yeah. I don’t know. I didn’t know it was in a path that was even available.

 

Samantha Bee  32:24

I didn’t know it was a job. I could see that it was a job for other people, but yeah, it was not, it was not accessible. It wasn’t like there’s no path.

 

Paul Scheer  32:32

Nobody in my family was at all involved in that at all. And it was sort of like the closest I could get was like, I like TV. I like movies. Video stores are popular. I would like to own a video store because that, to me, is like, the closest I can get to Hollywood, right? Like, and I even, I didn’t even know Hollywood, it was just like, that’s, that’s power, that’s power, like, you know, you know. And it was like, and I’m here, I am, like, renting Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to, like, my teachers, you know, like they’re meeting me in a hallway, being like, Hey, can I get Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for the week? I’m like.

 

Samantha Bee  33:07

Yeah, I think I can. I think I can accommodate you. Jason tells the story of when he because he played hockey as a kid. We both grew up in Canada, and he was like, you know, like a hockey kid, like a lot of Canadian kids, and he one time at school, he had lost his teeth, like he has lost his teeth, his front teeth, many times, but a kid sucker punched him in the face at school. No, I think he was like, why are you looking at my girlfriend? Like, sucker punched him in the teeth. His teeth fell out at school, and he came home and he was like, my teeth are gone. And his parents were like, what did you do? And then that he never even called the school. It was just so normal. Like, that’s how we all grew up. Like, his parents were like, why would we? Like, there was no thought to call the school to be like this child who punched my child like we didn’t even, yeah, do that, it wasn’t.

 

Paul Scheer  34:01

We didn’t follow up.

 

Samantha Bee  34:02

No. I mean.

 

Paul Scheer  34:04

I talk about this all the time. Like, you know, if most people were to describe me, I think they say I’m a bald man with a gap in my teeth, right? And like, and these are things that are true, but the gap in my teeth, do you we? Like? Went to one dentist, he’s like, Nah, can’t close that. That’s not a not. Not not true. He’s like, yeah, nope, that can’t do that. And never went to a second opinion, never, like, followed up on it was, like, that was it? That was it didn’t even go to, it didn’t even go to a dentist, like, didn’t even go to an orthodontist. I don’t believe we just went, No, look, I’m very happy. Oh, with my teeth. Many people will tell me, you know you can close it. Yes, I’m aware at this point I got it. I’ve chose not to, but like, doctors and stuff like that. Like, I just, it wasn’t, I mean, I went to a doctor, but it wasn’t like, I just feel like, for two years I would tell my parents, my teacher writes so lightly on the board, right? No, she didn’t write lightly. I need a class. Yeah, yeah, that’s the problem. I can’t see, not like, the teacher’s writing a light.

 

Samantha Bee  35:12

One, delicate touch.

 

Paul Scheer  35:17

You know? So it’s like, those are like, the things. It’s like, I’m also lucky to be like, my kids go to sleep and I’m online planning camps and stuff like that. I don’t have to do that during the work that my parents are working their asses off. Like, I can send an email. Like, imagine if I had to, like, do everything by calling places, finding out where the camps were. I mean, right now I could type in my zip code and call, like, type in, like, basketball camp and zip code back. Okay, got it like I’m in, I’m in a zone, right? I don’t ever have to talk to anyone, or even just getting around with GPS. I give my give my parents, a lot the map.

 

Samantha Bee  35:54

Physical map, like laying it out on the hood of the car and tracing it. Are we going? Like, like, I can’t even, I couldn’t. No, our parents were cartographers.

 

Paul Scheer  36:05

Yeah, they were out there, like, going to different spots. I mean, I’m moving all around. La, I’m going to all these tournaments, soccer tournaments, basketball tournaments, like, if I didn’t just, I mean, by the way, I’m also doing it eight in the morning. So, yeah, the fact that I don’t have to, like, worry about where I’m actually going, I just put it into a machine. And the machine’s like, this is, this is the exit dummy.

 

Samantha Bee  36:24

Get up, are you? You talk in the book about being, like, formally understanding that you have ADHD, and having, like, lived your entire life not knowing that, although, around you suspected?

 

Paul Scheer  36:40

Yeah, well, I think it’s like, this thing. It’s like, that was a chapter I was really, like, hesitant to put in the book, in the sense that, you know, there’s a thing of, when you talk about when I am, that’s when I found out that I was this, right, you know, it’s like, it’s like, there’s a, there’s an element, I think, always as, like, somebody who does comedy where I’m like, man, you know, but, and I was, like, a little like, but it was an incredibly, like, big moment for me as an adult, and it’s changed so much. And the funny thing is, like, I talk about, you know, being in my 40s on Twitter, which is where I find out, like this, I’m getting like, a little battle words with somebody on Twitter, and they’re like, you have ADHD, you’re hyper focusing. And I’m like, I don’t not ADHD. What is even hyper focusing? And I put it down, and then I Google it, and then I’m like, Oh, I kind of do do that, what’s this? And then I kind of go deeper and deeper, and within an hour, I’m reading all these stories and essays. I’m like, do I have ADHD? You know? And it was, and that wasn’t how I diagnosed myself, but it was the beginning of my diagnosis and and it changed everything. And I’ve And the crazy thing was, is that this chapter I didn’t want to put in the book, and everyone was like, you have to, you have to, you have to. And it’s been one of the interesting chapters. I’ve talked to so many people who found out, like, after, having kids after, and that was the thing, like, there’s so many late diagnosis like, I’ve seen June and I were joking last night. I was just told, you are bad at this. I’m bad at math. Like, it was like, no, no, that’s you’re just bad at it. You’ll never be able to figure that out. And it was like, you know, it’s like, oh, because I’m I’m slightly dyslexic. I flick around, never. But it was like, it was just like, we just believe, like, Oh yeah, I’m not good at writing, I’m not good at math, but whatever the thing was, and there was no deeper introspection on it, you just kind of did it, and you just embraced this thing. So for me to find out I was, kind of compare it to like I was a building that had scaffolding on it, like it wasn’t falling down. I could be functioning. I paid my bills, I did my work, I got it done on time. I did it in crazy ways, but I did it now. It’s like, I’ve been able to take some of that scaffolding off and live a little bit more like, this is a lot I you know, I’m I have tools that now are better suited because I understand, like, what right my issues actually are?

 

Samantha Bee  38:54

Do you make? Are you good at making choices now? Like, did it help inform how you make big decisions about things, because I feel like you talk about being paralyzed, I guess, by the plethora of choices that are available. Or just like this feeling of like, there’s just too many options. How do you narrow it down? Do you feel like that has helped you, kind of, just like, focus how you decide on things in your life?

 

Paul Scheer  39:19

There’s like that saying it’s like, oh, that person like a horse with blinders on, like, and that’s a bad thing, like, oh, they don’t see anything. But when I am medicated and very lightly, so I am a horse with blinders on, and it makes my life so much better, because I’m focused forward, I’m I’m like, I am not being pulled in a million different directions. And it allows me to, like, address the tasks at hand. I also know, like, part of like, the ADHD of it all is an emotional component which I didn’t understand, like this thing of like, everybody hates me, then, you know, amplified by the world of that we are in, right? You know, like, the rejection that we get all the time, right? And I think there will always be, like, a million decisions, but I feel like once I make a choice, I can commit to it and not go track back, right? I think that’s the biggest difference. But what do you think about in choice? Because I know this is, you know, part of the podcast is this, like, do you think that we make the success of the choice? Like, I mean, there’s always like, oh, what could have been, but will you have gotten back to it? Or, like, because it’s like, we are the constant, like, the choice is, like, a subway stop. We could have gotten off on 55th Street, or we could get off on 42nd street, like, it’s a little further away, but we’ll still get to our spot.

 

Samantha Bee  40:35

Yes, yeah. I like hearing how other people do I like hearing how other people do it. I know how I do it, and I think it fluctuates. I think it it changes from day to day. Sometimes I’m very decisive, and sometimes I really waffle, and I don’t know why I think I can change the outcome of anything. It’s actually kind of challenging to be truly, true to yourself, to know what you want to do. And I like hearing stories of people who just, like, find a true thing about themselves, and then they just keep going forward. Sometimes it is just like, one step in front of the other, and then you just live with that choice. Like, I don’t really live my life with regret of any kind.

 

Paul Scheer  41:15

I think it’s so important to do that immediate trust of your gut, like, you know immediately, like, even if it’s like, the the minute you have to talk yourself into something, yes, you are going down a path of despair. The one thing I found in this business, because this is like, we’re podcasting, we’re sub stacking, we’re making TV shows. We’re you can make the best whatever TV show, movie, whatever, and no one can watch it. And if it was horrible to get to that place, it’s not going to be fulfilling. I’m like, part of me is like, if I had a great time, I had a I did the show Black Monday with Don Cheadle, Regina Hall and Andrew Rannells. I love those, those people. I love the crew on that show. I realized not many people had show time. That’s really like, everyone’s like, I don’t have show time. I really want to show them. And that’s another show that’s currently, like, disappeared. But like, I found myself knowing, like, if I’m having fun while doing it, because nothing is guaranteed on the other side of it, yeah, so let me just enjoy the actual process of doing because it’s not, there’s not, I’m not in that world anymore where it’s like, well, that was hell, but at least it got me this. I don’t find that. I don’t find that that fulfilling anymore. It’s like, Oh, I’d rather just be like, I had the best time, who cares? I’m proud of the work. I’m proud of the friends I’ve made. I don’t have any appetite for that struggle of being miserable anymore. And I think so many people embrace miserable as like, Well, you got to be miserable to make something good and like, I don’t know.

 

Samantha Bee  42:50

I love how you put the building blocks of your career just together, just like, really, brick by brick, from a place of total passion. Like you don’t. You also don’t go into improv comedy thinking this is I’m gonna be able to pay a mortgage one day, you do it because you because you love it, and you make choices based on your actual passion for this thing.

 

Paul Scheer  43:12

Well, I think the cool thing about improv, I think it’s like you’re constantly making choices, and you’re making choices and you have to trust the people that you’re on stage with, and a good improviser is like, that’s like the best thing, because you’re you’re learning like, the most true things about life in improv, which is, like, whatever that other person says, I have to agree to it and then add to it. And if we all approach like, every endeavor, every work endeavor, every home endeavor, is being like, instead of like, fighting against the current just like, yes, and this thing, and I’m listening, I’m actively listening to my partner, whether it’s on stage or and the house, it’s like, and I’m just trying to make it better. We’re better, instead of, like, bringing it all down. There was like a thing. I remember reading about the Looney Tunes, the cartoons, like they were, they have these big meetings they were never allowed to shoot down an idea. Good ideas will rise to the top. Bad Ideas will never be brought back. But we spend so much time. I mean, I’ve spent so much time in a writer’s room, like, arguing why something won’t work, or like, why I don’t like something. And when I’ve tried to adopt this thing where it’s like, you can’t like, if you can’t shoot it down, right, you can. And by the way, if we go away from it, like, you don’t have to go back and like relitigate it, it’s like, it’s, it’s wasted energy in a way. And I feel like that’s and I feel like that’s what improv like, at the root of it is kind of always trying to do, is just trying to be like, no, no. Just move forward. Just move forward. You only have what you have in front of you. So just make that work.

 

Samantha Bee  44:38

I like that you said active listening, because I feel like that is where we are not in a we’re just not in a place of active listening, where you’re just like, hearing people, really hearing them. And that is such a skill that you can bring forth from all of that work.

 

Paul Scheer  44:57

And it’s hard. They just like, it’s hard. It’s like, because we all come with our own stuff, and we think we know a lot, I’m trying like, you know, I think when I get into fights with June or for a while, it came from a thing of like, well, I didn’t mean it that way, or I didn’t say like, but I’m not like, actually hearing what she’s saying, right? I’m not hearing like, what you’re saying is like, I’m hurt. Doesn’t make a difference how I intended it to come across. You’re hurt, and that’s fine. And like, and acknowledging like, just like, hearing what she’s actually saying, which is not like you meant to hurt me, just like, and I think that that’s another thing too, is it’s like, I’m just trying to be, try to be better at that, and try to like, and try to like, take myself out of it and just really be like, I’m not in my own head here. I’m just hearing you say what you’re saying. And hopefully it’s not about me trying to think about the next thing I’m going to say. It’s like, I’m reacting to the thing. Because I think you know, all of what we do.

 

Samantha Bee  46:35

We’ll be right back after this.

 

Samantha Bee  49:07

I’ve interviewed a lot of people who whose spouses are in the same industry as them, but I’ve also interviewed your wife, and I love that you like working together. I think because I like working with my husband, it’s kind of rare.

 

Paul Scheer  49:42

I think it is. I think I mean the way, again, I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but the way I like, I love seeing you two work together, and I feel like you both approach it the same way that we do, which is like we are separate entities who also like to work together, right? Like we are in. Not a duo, like we are a we are performers who work together. We do our own things. We do something separate. And I think that that’s really important to have our own path, because I think first and foremost, we are a married couple with kids, that’s like, that’s above all else, and, and then it’s like, how do we just work together? And, and I think it’s more delicate, but I also think you get the rewards you reap from that relationship, and that knowledge of each other and and where you would go is amazing, but, but I do think it’s a balance. I think you have to like, you have to pay attention to it. It’s not like, I can’t treat her like I treat another person. I do a bunch of things.

 

Samantha Bee  50:38

Right, right, and you write, you write together too. You write together and perform together. Do you write

 

Paul Scheer  50:44

We, we don’t like, we haven’t like written together in the sense that like, we’ve produced things together, I’ve written stuff that she’s done, she’s written stuff that I have done. And then for the podcast, I really take a brunt of the work from Jason and June, in the sense of, I want them to just show up and talk, okay, and then, and so it allows us to kind of have some separation of like, church and state, a little bit like, I think it’s important to kind of find it. But we were working on this pilot right now with Marta Kaufman and and Hannah Cantor, and it’s been very creative. And we very much are, we combine our notes and we are sitting there. So it is, there is a dialog there, and it’s, it’s different.

 

Samantha Bee  51:30

Um, do you still go see movies in theaters because you’re such a movie, because you’re just such a movie person, you?

 

Paul Scheer  51:35

But my, my, I love seeing movies in theaters, having kids really like it’s, it’s hard to figure that out. Like it’s either like, I have to sneak out during the day, or when I’m away from my family, my kids don’t love it. Like they much prefer, like, if given the option of watching a movie at home versus a theater, like, I have to, like, con them into going to, like, an Alamo Drafthouse, where it’s like, you can have ice cream there and you can eat non stop for like, 90 minutes. Like, all right, we’ll go to that if we can have ice cream. But, yeah, I do. I love that. I love that experience of being there. But it’s also like I can never find the time. Like, I live right down the block from the VISTA Theater, which Quentin Tarantino has taken over. Like, these amazing like, Oh, we’re gonna play Lawrence of the lake of Arabia. Like, on to me. I’m like, Oh, that would be fun. I would never. I would never. I wouldn’t watch that on a big screen. I want to see these cool things. I’m never gonna get to that, no time for that.

 

Samantha Bee  52:33

I just read my local like, my the theater of this down the street from me is playing Escape from New York. And I want to go see I want to go see it, and I’m like, who’s gonna go with me?

 

Paul Scheer  52:43

No, oh, well, that’s it, right? It’s like, oh, and June will never go like, June loves the movies too. But it’s like, again, it’s like, yeah, it’s really got to be planned. And it’s like, we both going out and we’re gonna both do this. This is a movie we both want to see.

 

Samantha Bee  52:54

No, okay, here’s my last question. It’s a real it’s a real question, but I ask it randomly of a lot of people. So sure, no, okay, so we both went to Catholic school, yeah, and had sex ed taught to us by our PE teachers.

 

Paul Scheer  53:11

Yes.

 

Samantha Bee  53:12

As Jesus intended, the way it was supposed to be. Done, done, perfectly done so well.

 

Paul Scheer  53:20

With just every nuance, everything.

 

Samantha Bee  53:23

No follow up questions, okay, if you were redesigning sex ed, because you have, you know, like your kids are aging into, like, really learning about their bodies, if you were redesigning it, what would it be like?

 

Paul Scheer  53:37

I think there has to be an acknowledgement that this is on some level embarrassing, right? Like, I feel like sometimes we go into this thing, like, very antiseptically, like we’re gonna talk about penis and a vagina and we’re gonna talk about sex. It’s like our bodies are goofy, and we do, we have these questions and these and we have to feel like we can ask these questions in a safe space and learn these things. And I feel like, and I feel like I write about this my book for one little brief moment where I said, like, somebody asked about, like, what’s a period? And he’s, like, none of your business. And like, high fived a girl in the class. Like, I’m protect like, like, Well, why? Why can’t I learn about, like, what a period? Yes, I’m not, I’m not having them as a man, but I would like, why is that being gate kept me like, you know, like, and I feel like there’s this thing of, like, how do we talk about, you know, I think that there’s like, a puritanical thing that’s like, attack, especially in Catholic school, yeah. Like, it’s like, sex, isn’t it’s like, I only learned about sex via, don’t get people pregnant. It was like, you know, and it’s like, and I also didn’t understand, like, how you could get people pregnant. I feel like it’s.

 

Samantha Bee  54:48

Yeah, we never talked about, like, why anyone would ever do it? Like, no one was ever, like, just, basically, why would we? Were like, why would you, what’s it for?

 

Paul Scheer  54:59

Yeah. Like, it’s like, I almost feel like we need to get like, gross and weird and then specific, because it’s like, let’s put it all out on the table so everyone feels like they can. Because I think that we go through life with all these concerns, you know, it’s like, what do bodies look like? You know, what are like? And it’s and you can demystify it to like, that show where, like, they lift up that screen, and you’d see, like, a person’s Shin, and then you see their crotch, and then you see their breasts, and like, it’s like, when you look at a body, like it’s so, like, it’s so unsexual, like it’s like, but we kind of like walk this line of like, it’s, it’s almost too sexual. We can’t talk about and then, because I feel like there was so many questions I was afraid to ask. I didn’t know, and then you hear things, yeah, I didn’t put the story in the book, but it was part. It was a kind of, the part of the story. Like this gym teacher, very shy girl in my class, she was sitting, you know, always, like, just, you know, one of those people who’s a nerd, but no one makes fun of them for being a nerd, because she’s just lovely, and that’s it, like she’s, you know, she gets up to go to the bathroom during one of our, you know, health class, health it wasn’t even sex, it was yeah, and she goes, and the gym teacher’s like, Hold on everybody. Check this out. Check this out. And he grabs and at this point, I don’t know what this is, because no one’s taught me a dildo out of his desk drawer, right? And he’s like, look, I just and he goes to her lunch bag and puts the dildo in her lunch.

 

Samantha Bee  56:32

Oh, my God.

 

Paul Scheer  56:33

And then, and he’s like, making a kid, like, look out the door, because she coming back, and she’s coming back, and the kids like, she’s coming back. And then we all like, when we all like, sit there, you know. And this girl is walking into like a prank show, yes, right? Because we all now know it again, this very sweet, nice girl and and then so she comes in, she sits down at the at her desk, and she starts taking out her like lunch and, you know. And the dildo is not doing anything yet, you know, but we all are, like, our attention focused on her laser locked. And then the teacher’s like, hey, wait a second. What is this? And like, he kind of, like, forces the reveal and pulls the dildo out of her bag. Like, oh, hey, you know whatever name Caitlin, what are you doing? And he’s shaking this thing around. And first of all, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like this, which is wild. And then it’s like, being pulled out of this girl’s bag. This girl is mortified. I’m sure, if it’s my first time, it’s definitely her first time seeing this giant penis being waved around in front of her. And it’s like, and that. And it was like, I’m just, I’m just getting you, I’m just getting you. And it’s like, that’s like, like, that’s, that was our sex.

 

Samantha Bee  57:39

That was, like, an incredible story. Oh, my that was, that was a that was a person who was an authority figure in your life.

 

Paul Scheer  57:47

Right? That was a person, no, no reprimand for that. And like you said, No one went like that. Girl did not go home to her parents and say, No, the teacher put a dildo in my bag and embarrassed me in front of the entire class with it.

 

Samantha Bee  57:59

Oh, my God, you know what?

 

Paul Scheer  58:01

And it was like, Oh, funny prank.

 

Samantha Bee  58:03

Funny, you’re so funny, Rick, oh my god. Well, oh my god. Thank you so much for talking to me today. I have just thought of the funniest prank for my kids to put in their school lunches. They love it. They’re gonna love it.

 

Paul Scheer  58:21

Thanks so much. This is a blast.

 

Samantha Bee  58:28

That was Paul Scheer, oh, I loved him, and I had no choice but to look up one thing we were talking about, how we were both latchkey kids, which is such a funny phrase. What is the origin of that? Well, turns out that the phrase gained popularity during World War Two, when dads were serving in the army and moms were out of the house, working for the first time. Ah, I should have guessed that this was women’s fault the whole time. Thanks for joining us. I’m Samantha Bee, see you next week for some more Choice Words.

 

CREDITS  59:15

Thank you for listening to Choice Words, which was created by and is hosted by me. The show is produced by its via Baron Reinstein with editing and additional producing by Josh Richmond. We’re distributed by Lemonada Media and you can find me @realSamB on X and Instagram. Follow Choice Words, wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.