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Description

Podcast host Alison Rosen is an empath, which makes it hard for her to step away from the highly personal conversations she has each week on “Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend.” Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries wasn’t something she grew up knowing how to do, but learning the skill as an adult has made a huge difference in her life. This week’s practice is about self-awareness and how to create boundaries for yourself, while making new friends, and as you maintain the relationships that you already have in your life.

Resources from the show

• For more of Alison Rosen check out her podcast “Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend”

• Read  “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” by Judith Orloff.
• Also, “Energetic Boundaries: How to Stay Protected and Connected in Work, Love, and Life” by Cyndi Dale.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Claire, Alison Rosen

Claire  00:09

Hi, I’m Claire Bidwell Smith. Welcome to NEW DAY. This week, I had the opportunity to interview someone who usually does the interviewing herself. My guest today, Alison Rosen is a seasoned podcaster and a well-known personality. She hosts the show, Alison Rosen is your new best friend. We share a lot in common, including a deep curiosity about other people’s stories. Allison and I talked about motherhood and about making friends. We also talked about being empaths. And about setting boundaries, to things that go hand in hand. It’s definitely been a tricky balance to strike in both my personal and professional life. And I’m always interested to hear how other people manage these traits for themselves. I hope you enjoy our conversation.

Claire  01:02

Hi, Alison, nice to meet you.

Alison Rosen  01:04

Hi. Nice to meet you as well.

Claire  01:06

That part always makes me feel super uncomfortable. I’m just like, I’m gonna sit here and let the guests just, I’m just gonna smile. No worries at all. But you’re a pro. You’ve been doing this forever. I’m making people uncomfortable for a long time.

Alison Rosen  01:17

You know what, I think that on my show we could do with more making people uncomfortable at the top. Because sometimes we’ll just sort of trust that it’s gonna work out and then I’m always like, so yeah, it’s a whole thing.

Claire  01:32

Well, thank you for coming on NEW DAY. I’m excited to talk to you a little nervous because you are such a pro. I’m new at the podcast life.

Alison Rosen  01:40

You know, I was looking at the guests that you’ve had on and everyone has this like, a compelling story and a thing they are going to talk about. And I don’t use the phrase hot mess that often. I feel like it’s kind of a trendy phrase. But I just like, I’ve just been in this cranky, crappy mood since I thought it started this morning. But then I remembered no, it started last evening. So I do not feel like someone who has my stuff in order right now. So just letting you know.

Claire  02:09

Well, that’s funny you say that because you’re actually doing perfectly because the first thing I start every podcast with is the question, how are you doing? But how are you doing really? And you’ve already gone ahead and answered that.

Alison Rosen  02:19

I’m cranky. And I’m angry. And it’s all a bunch of like, dumb stuff. And honestly, I’m not doing well, So I have been in the process of trying to lose the baby weight since I had my second baby.

Claire  02:35

I’m working on the third baby, baby.

Alison Rosen  02:40

How old are your kids?

Claire  02:42

3 and a half, 12 and a half, and 9 and a half.

Alison Rosen  02:46

Okay, that’s a nice range, I have four and two, but they’re almost five, and three. So gained a lot with my first one was able to lose it and then was like gearing up to get pregnant with my second. I was like, I am not gonna gain 70 pounds or whatever I gained the first time like this time, I’m really gonna, because I remember they say in the first trimester, you’re supposed to gain like something like three to five or something and I gained 18. And then with the second I made all these, you know, I’m really gonna, I’m gonna make it easier on myself. I’m just gonna, just a tiny bit. And then I gained 18 again, and I was like, oh, this is like out of my control. And so then I gained even more weight the second time and I’ve just been slowly tried to take it off.

Claire  03:35

But I think we can also look at it in a mom context. You know, I definitely understand, it’s really intense. I gained 65 pounds. I think for each pregnancy.

Alison Rosen  03:44

That makes me feel better, because there are those people who were like 18 pounds.

Claire  03:49

I gained so much, I lost it both babies. The first two lost it all and this one I like kept 20 pounds for three and a half years.

Alison Rosen  03:56

That’s where I am. I have 20 pounds. Well, until I stepped on the scale this morning and found out that I’m three and a half pounds higher than yesterday, which makes no sense to me. But yeah, I’ve got about 20 to go to and it’s just so hard this time, it is so hard. So anyway, I saw that it was three and a half pounds that was sort of like splash cold water on my face. And then I got in the shower. And then, and these were all kind of like automatic thoughts, the kind of kind of thing where as I was getting out I had I was like, wow, I’m really angry. Because I was in the shower. And first I was thinking, Well, I can go into as much or as little detail as you want. I’ll give sort of overview and but I was okay so oh my god. Just bill me after this. This is a real therapy session. I grew up in a house with parents who can be very indirect, especially my mom. So I learned how to translate how to pick up on the subtext and speak her language. And in a way, I’ve always felt like that’s almost like my superpower. If someone around me wants something, feels something is indirect. I can kind of decipher it. That’s interesting. But the older I get, the more I realized no, like, it’s much healthier to speak directly to mean what you say, etc, to not be co-dependent. So I was thinking, you know, what if I just, instead of trying to intuit what people need, and want and then show up, like, tada, I have magically figured out what if, even if I know what they need, or want, what if I just wait for them to ask for it? Like, what if I did that? So I started there, and I don’t even know where I went next. But I was just rapidly cycling through all these situations, and just feeling anger and crankiness. And I don’t really know where it’s coming from, except that I think the weight being up kind of sets me up for this often.

Claire  06:08

Yeah, no, that all makes sense. I think, you know, being an empath is always really intense. Have you ever heard of that book called the Empath Survival Guide?

Alison Rosen  06:15

No.

Claire  06:16

You should check it out. It’s really good. But I think what happens when you’re an empath, and then you become a mom is that it all gets really compounded because as moms, you know, we’re kind of expected to anticipate the needs of our children, right? So we get into that grind of doing that, and then we just go ahead and do it for everybody. Right? Family, husbands, you know, coworkers, whatever, and then we get mad that we’re doing it is what I think happens.

Alison Rosen  06:40

Right. And that’s another thing in my like, crank eponymous mood today, thinking like sliding doors, but like all the other like, what if my What if I had just done this instead? What if my life had gone this way? What if this? What if this way, I have a great life, I’m happy, I recognize that I tried to be grateful I’m just in a low place. Right now, today. But you know, one of the other paths I could have taken that I often think about is maybe I should have been a therapist, because that has always appealed to me, I have benefited so much from being in therapy. But how would I at the end of the hour say okay, I’m just gonna come back to them next week? How would I not think about them for the rest of the week? And think about things that I want to say to them, or ways to help them all that? How do you do it?

Claire  07:34

Yeah, it’s been a really interesting part of my life doing that, because I was a person who had very little boundaries going into this work. And I’ve had to learn boundaries and adopt a lot of boundaries and a lot of self-care as well to take on this, you know, as I specialize in grief, so I hear enormously sad stories all the time, and scary, anxiety provoking, you know, death stories all the time, too. But I think regarding, you know, people in crisis, it’s, it’s always different, you know, there are times when you do have to that’s part of the job, you don’t just shut off like the light at the 50-minute mark. So there are times when you have to extend yourself. But then there’s other times when boundaries are exactly what the client needs, even in crisis. So that’s an interesting place that you need to learn how to discern. What boundaries look like for you, like in your general life, your day-to-day life?

Alison Rosen  08:30

I am trying to get better about boundaries, and about seeing what healthy boundaries are, like I said, I grew up in a home that I don’t even think they ever used the word but like, it’s so this is a novel idea. And I feel bad, like the family I grew up in, did the best they could, and are still doing the best they can. And there’s a lot of wonderful things, but also very enmeshed. So this notion of boundaries is relatively new to me. It’s something that I’ve had to learn kind of as an adult. And it often at the beginning didn’t make sense to me, because it’s like, but this person is hurting if I can help them, why would I not like I and also I have to, I have to it feels painful and irresponsible and cruel to not parent a parent, let’s say or something like that. So really just sort of recognizing how much of this should I be taking on? I really am trying to wait until someone asks for something as opposed to offering help offering advice rushing in. And by the way, I’m aware, like, if someone is around me, and I can tell that they’re trying to intuit what I think and what I feel and jump in and offer I actually find that to be an agitating experience. Because I feel like I’m an adult and if I need XYZ I can do it. I can Ask for it. So also that kind of behavior is not always sometimes it’s just like, I feel like when you’re around someone like that, I feel like oh my god, this person is such a people pleaser. I can feel their insecurity, like, it’s okay, I don’t need you to prove yourself to me, you can just be yourself, let’s just both be ourselves.

Claire  10:21

But this is where I think, you know, I did a little deep dive on you. And I feel like this is like your superpower. And also, you know, what’s difficult for you in your life? Because it seems like what you’re really good at is one of my favorite things that people do, which is like, just show your vulnerability. And let others show theirs as a result, you know, like the algo, first kind of thing. And let other people feel comfortable being who they are. It seems like you are able to let them know that they are safe and comfortable in different ways. You know, one of them is just being yourself.

Alison Rosen  10:54

Thank you. People react to me a lot in this way of like, you are so comfortable sharing so much about yourself. And then speaking of boundaries, that’s a thing where I think to myself, oh, wow, I am just like walking TMI, because I’m just so comfortable blabbing at all. But I think that’s also a response to how I grew up. Because I grew up in a house where like, the message kind of was, you’re safe here, you’re not safe out there. So don’t reveal a lot out there. Keep the upper hand maintain control. Don’t be vulnerable out there. You can be vulnerable in here, but not out there.

Claire  11:38

So how did this happen?

Alison Rosen  11:43

Gosh, that’s a good question. I’ve always been a writer. And I sort of tend toward humor. And I think I got feedback early on, that people like, you know, I think I sort of started just sharing a little more about myself on air. And people responded to it. And I would share these things where the I felt, maybe this is unlikable, maybe I’m the only one who feels this way. And their response was, no, it’s very relatable. And so it just reinforced this idea that you can be yourself on air. I’ve always felt like an outsider. I felt weird. I felt different. I felt like there’s things wrong with me. And the more I show that, the more I find out no, we’re all kind of the same.

Claire  13:00

I had a similar trajectory. You know, I wrote my first book was a memoir that just was very personal and the same kind of response, you know, that positive reinforcement of like, no, that’s really relatable all the worst things you said about yourself in that book, make me feel better, because I did them too. It’s kind of what was echoed back to me. And so I think that there’s a lot to be said for putting yourself out in the world in that way. How do you describe who you are, like you said at the beginning of our conversation, you were looking at the other guests I’ve had and feeling somehow different? Or you described yourself as a hot mess, like what are like, how do you think of who you are? Like, what would How would you describe yourself in the world?

Alison Rosen  13:41

I am a mom, I’m an interviewer. And I’m a writer, I think of myself or I would like to be seen as a skilled interviewer who encourages her guests to share, to connect and to be vulnerable. And I will do the same. Sometimes, and this is only arrived in the pandemic, when because I was very strict about only ever doing in person interviews before because I just really I really like to be real with people and have them be real with me and I find that I was always worried that connecting via technology there just be all these things in the way. Yeah, so now that we’re doing on Zoom, I have had moments of being like, yes, I would like to be all those things. But what if I’m just some weird stranger asking famous people intrusive questions. I’ve only had those a couple times. And you know, this idea of emotional labor. And I don’t mean a mental load of like managing the home I mean, emotional labor like asking a guest to come on and share all the hard things they’ve been through is sort of a new idea to me and I have thought to myself, am I asking people to do emotional labor. Sometimes I am. But it always feels very natural. I don’t feel like I’m really like, putting them in a bad place or anything.

Claire  15:12

You know, I think as a therapist, people are voluntarily coming to me so much so that I don’t often feel that way. And then it’s translated a little bit into doing this. And I also think there’s so much value in all of us telling our stories, especially difficult ones, there’s so much value in us hearing other people’s difficult stories. You know, I think even when it is tricky, or we are poking someone, I think, ultimately, there’s, you know, more good than bad in the process. So what do you like about interviewing people? What do you like about kind of digging into them? What’s your process?

Alison Rosen  15:45

I can be a real introvert. Like, I like things that forced me to be present. But I oftentimes don’t choose the challenging thing for myself, that’s going to require me to be present. But when I do my show, I am keenly present, and I am connecting. And it’s like this wonderful, relating, and connection and being pulled outside of myself, I really, I really like that. And no matter what mood I’m in before show, I’m always in a great mood after. And I’m reminded that we really do need to connect, and we really do need to be around people. And we really do need to talk.

Claire  16:27

That’s how I feel about therapy, I can be having a really tough time in my life, and then go into the office and see a bunch of clients and I come out feeling better. I come out feeling more energized, you know, more inspired, right? And it’s that connection.

Alison Rosen  16:39

It’s connection, but it’s also feeling like you’re doing something good and do it. I mean, I find that there’s like these two tracks my life exists on, there’s who I am as a mom, and I love so many aspects of it. And so many aspects of it are hard at this stage, I had pretty unpleasant postpartum depression. Like for me the adjustment to being a mom was not natural. It was not Ghazi it was not easy. You know, none of it. It was hard. And the people who are like, I looked down into my newborns eyes, and I felt a love unlike anything a fierce love unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

Claire  17:24

I did. But I also felt like miserable and pitstop and terrified. Yeah, I had,

Alison Rosen  17:29

I had a traumatic birth, that a very long traumatic birth and he had to go to the NICU. So and I didn’t get to hold him for a number of hours. So I just remember being in the NICU and looking, it’s funny, this pops into my head, like all the time when I look at my son now and looking into his eyes and just being like, who are you? You know, and all those motherly feelings, and that love and all that was there, but I think it was very suppressed at that point. So it took some time.

Claire  17:59

I think this myth that motherhood should come naturally to all of us. It really needs to be busted. I don’t think it always comes naturally maybe ever does. I think it comes in moments and waves, maybe it takes a couple of years before you look in their eyes, you’re like, Okay, I know who you are, like, I get the connection.

Alison Rosen  18:17

And I think for someone like me, who had been working for a long time, it’s like, I know that I’m good at XYZ. But suddenly, I’m doing this thing that feels very important for my kids’ sake, and I don’t have I suddenly shifted so that 80%-90% actually, at that point, 99% of my day, is doing something that I’m not really suited for, I’m not really good at that took an adjustment, but to anyway now, you know, I feel like I’m in mom mode most of the day. So it’s kind of nice to be able to take a break and to come in into my studio and host my show. And it makes me feel good about myself in a different way. Oh, but a way that I think is important to remind myself that I do exist outside of this one role.

Claire  19:06

Yeah, I think that search for meaning and purpose, and I don’t think we can, you know, put all of it into being a mom or put all of it into having a career you know, it’s all over the place. Yeah. I think that’s important. I wanted to ask you about friendships. I was thinking about that when I was researching you. I mean, obviously the title of your podcast. I know it’s a little facetious, but also, I was thinking one of the things I hear from people, clients or followers is questions about like, making friends, creating a social life and especially that feels more relevant than ever with the pandemic and how people are really struggling with it. Either they were struggling with it to begin with, and now it’s really bad or it’s changed a lot. And they’re not sure where they want to go in their social life or friendship life. And I was curious, like, what friendship is like for you? And what making friends is like for you? And is it easy? Do you have advice?

Alison Rosen  20:23

I had a woman on my show. And we hit it off. And I forget if we had like, talked on the show about maybe we should hang out or I mean, like, the dream is always I feel like I’ve connected with someone, and then the show is over. And I think like, I just want to, I just want to text them like I just, you know, but I have to remind myself, that is the show. Maybe that’s not real. I don’t want to you know, bug Paul F Tompkins by texting him late at night or something. He’s someone where I’ve always felt like, I feel really feel a connection with you. But anyway, so had this woman on the show. And then I got this text from her maybe a week later saying like, hey, it’s so and so. Do you want to get together for coffee? And I said, yes. And then we have, I mean, now we haven’t seen each other in a while just because of where we are in the pandemic, and other and holidays and all that stuff. But like a handful of times we went and we got coffee, and we text each other often. And we leave each other voice memos. I think we’ve even had a few phone calls. And that’s my new friend. And I haven’t made a new friend in so long, and it just came from her just being like, hey, would you like to get together and I kind of think that’s what you have to do nowadays,

Claire  21:38

This happened with me and Ricki Lake, when I interviewed her for this podcast, I was like my second guest ever. And we interviewed and then turned out we were both in LA at the same time, she was like, come over, because we just couldn’t stop talking. And I actually went over to her house the next day. Now we’re friends. And I’ve never met her or talk to her. I feel the same way. Like I you know, I get excited about people. But I think you’re right. It takes just putting out that extra effort or that offer, you know, and seeing what happens.

Alison Rosen  22:06

When I was young. I just remember friendships kind of happening organically, because you’re in school with someone or you work, you know, alongside someone in an office, or college, right. High school I did not like but I really did enjoy college like those were some great years for me. And then after that, yeah, you know, I was like, when I lived in Orange County after college, I had a group of friends. And I don’t really remember having to consciously make inroads with it just kind of happened. But then you get to a point in life where at least I have where it doesn’t just happen anymore. The last time it kind of just happened. And this is one of the few friends that I talked to pretty frequently during the pandemic, I was at an ask an anesthesiologist class very pregnant at the hospital. And this woman in front of me asked a question, and then afterwards, we were the one thing I’ll say about this hospital where I had my first baby, which I didn’t have a great experience, but all the classes there, they had quite an array of snacks. So I was over by the pop quarters. And she was too. And I had been a little bit late to the class. And I asked her question, and then I don’t know how it happened. But she was like, should we talk? Should we exchanged numbers, we did. And then the next class, which was the infant CPR class, which was if I could have become unpregnant, after that class, I would have liked to because they’re like, did you know your child can drown in an inch of standing water, or like a thimble full of water, like, oh, my God, I did not know all the things that are going to destroy my family that are just nakedly in my home. saw her there again. And long story short, we became friends and our husbands are friends and that actually had an element of being organic as well, because we were kind of in the same life place.

Claire  24:04

Well, I think the other element too, is like, I would imagine just getting to know you a little bit that you were bringing a lot to your interactions, which is a part of making friends, right? Like, you can run into people over and over and have very surface conversations that don’t draw you into each other or make you want to hang out and talk more, but I would imagine that you guys won with the topic of giving birth was a bonding experience, but also what you were probably bringing to it. You know, I think everybody feels like everyone else out there is doing it, right? Yes. And I’m doing it wrong. And so I think that ends up becoming a block sometimes to making friends because you just assume that the other person has it together in this way that you don’t. And I feel like as a therapist, I’ve come to realize that nobody has it together. And you’ve probably realized this to a certain extent to just being an interviewer and talking to so many people. Nobody has it all together. But I think it blocks a lot of people from getting more, you know, emotionally intimate.

Alison Rosen  24:58

Right. This fear that you’re being judged. I was actually just thinking about this last night I was thinking, I am middle age now. Like, I’m very I’m not young. I’m not starting out. I’m not an ingenue, even though I like to I always joke, I make that joke and I don’t think it’s very funny, but I make it all the time anyway, that I’m just like, I’m an ingenue, I’m a whippersnapper just starting out. When am I going to stop feeling insecure? When am I going to stop needing permission? And it’s less and less that I do. But when do I finally feel truly comfortable in my skin and like I am allowed to exist and to take up space? Like when does that happen?

Claire  25:39

Here comes after menopause? I do kind of hear it. I have my female friends in their 50s are like, man, you just don’t give a fuck about anything after you turn 50. This sounds really appealing to me. Yeah, forward, it makes it makes menopause sound appealing in some fashion.

Alison Rosen  25:54

Right. Okay. Well, so it’s on the horizon.

Claire  25:59

But I think sometimes to us feeling like messes is part of our way of trying to move forward, trying to get better trying to do that work. You know, I think there’s an aspect of that, too. Like, there’s so much stuff about myself that I want to work on and think needs work.

Alison Rosen  26:16

I wanted to ask you a personal question. Did losing your parents make you feel more like an adult?

Claire  26:24

No, I feel like it gave me a sense of arrested development. One because I kind of got stuck by the trauma of it at that age, like 18 my mom died. And so there was an aspect of like myself, that got stuck at 18. And then it’s made me feel like, I don’t know how to adult, everybody else around me knows how to do it. And they have parents who, you know, give them guidance and remind them even in their 40s, they have parents who are like, no, this is how you do it. And I’ve just, you know, been winging it for my whole adult life and not doing it correctly. So I still don’t feel like an adult. What was your guess? Was that your guess?

Alison Rosen  27:05

No, actually, I guess I wondered if part of my feeling at times like a child still is because there are people in the world with whom I am still relating to as a child. I mean, less and less, you know, we’re all adults. But it’s sometimes I can get stuck in still relating to the world as a child. And I wondered is that, you know, because they’re still the people who raised me are still there being older than I am.

Claire  27:38

Right now. I mean, I think there’s an aspect of having lost my parents that was very liberating, and that no one’s checking in on me, or no one is judging me from that kind of parental way. Like I was reading some female self-help book recently, just skimming through something, there was a passage about like, you don’t have to listen to your mom. And I was like, yeah, no shit. But that’s because my mom’s dead. But then I was the God, but there are women in their 40s, who are really still, like worried about what their moms think. And yes, of course, that’s true.

Alison Rosen  28:07

Yeah, but it’s like, and as a therapist, I’m sure you know that this, it’s not even what your real flesh and blood mom thinks it’s what your internalized version of a parent thinks. You know? It’s really just your own inner critic.

Claire  28:24

So how do you deal with your own inner critic?

Alison Rosen  28:27

Well, I try to identify it first. And then I try to think, what do I really think about that? Like, what do I Allison really think? Right? And then I try to get in touch with that.

Claire  28:39

Does it slip by you sometimes? Are you always able to identify when it’s happening?

Alison Rosen  28:43

Oh, it slips by me sometimes. For sure. For sure. I mean, like, I’m getting better, though. But, you know, and I think having children has made me more aware of how unkind I can be to myself, just automatically how comfortable I am with bullying myself, and versus looking at how patient and gentle and loving I am toward them. And then there’s this sort of reverberation of thinking about maybe how I was treated in real life at that age and thinking like, how could they do that?

Claire  29:27

Yeah, it’s a whole cycle, isn’t it of thoughts that go there. I was just recently talking to, like the foremost expert on self-compassion. And we were talking about why we bully ourselves and why we beat ourselves up. And she had an interesting thing that I thought that she said that criticizing ourselves gives us the illusion of control that we think that we could be doing better. And so it makes us feel like we are in control of that thing. When really we’re not and it’s not even really that up to us all the time. If we could be doing better. That’s interesting. That kind of stuck with me. So once you identify the inner critic coming out, and then you ask yourself how you feel, what does that? What does that look like? How do you know you’re sort of like when you have, like, what does Alison Rosen really feel? Or think?

Alison Rosen  30:19

It visually looks like me, kind of like probably sitting on my bed and closing my eyes. And really deliberately trying to this is kind of like a Glennon Doyle thing. Like sink down into my gut. And I wish I could think of an example of when I’ve done this. I’m having trouble picking an example, which would make it more clear, but like, Okay, what is the message that is bubbling up, not the message, but the answer, like what do I really think? What is the right thing? Yeah, you know, okay, for? Well, a loose example would be, I grew up in a very cautious, anxious house. So over protective, so there’s a lot of well-meaning fearmongering. Don’t do that. Don’t go there, don’t this don’t that, you know, because this could happen. But did you think of this? Make sure to do this. Remember this always do this. There’s a lot of that.

Claire  31:15

So those voices are kind of there a lot. They have to clear those away in order to get to that, like knowing that Glennon talks about.

Alison Rosen  31:22

Right. So I’ll sit there and I’ll think, do I really need to heed this warning? Do I need to be worried about this? And then it used to just be as simple as like, if my dad or my mom says to do it, then I have to do it, because I don’t want to disappoint them. And so I’ve dispensed with that. But it’s really like, what do I think? And is if it involves my children, as their mother, what is my end? And what is my role here? And that’s hard.

Claire  31:51

That’s such a good, it’s such a good reminder. I feel like I could talk to you forever, because you’re my new best friend. But um, but that goes back. I just want to finish it by saying that goes back to kind of what we were talking about in the very beginning about being a therapist or having boundaries of like letting people be uncomfortable sometimes because it’s extra special for them. And it’s really hard as an empath to watch somebody as comfort.

Alison Rosen  32:14

Because it feels like I’ve had to unlearn the feeling. But the feeling is my job is to comfort them. It’s really hard. So it’s hard not to respond to that.

Claire  32:25

Well, I’m glad that you have your calling and are using it using your superpowers in the right way. It’s been such a pleasure to talk to you.

Alison Rosen  32:32

Thanks so much.

Claire  32:41

Well, I guess I really do you have a new best friend. That was a really fun conversation. I especially like to talking about boundaries and how they aren’t always a bad thing. Creating boundaries is a great way to protect yourself from people and things that can distract you from achieving your goals. And boundaries can help your relationships be healthy and feel less draining. So this week’s practice is about self-awareness and how to create boundaries for yourself while making new friends. And even for the people you already have in your life. Ask yourself, what are my limits? And how would I like to be treated? Maybe instead of saying yes, the next time your friends asked you to go out after a long day of work, you simply assert your boundaries and say, no, I’m sorry, I have to get up early for work tomorrow and need to get some rest. And don’t beat yourself up for feeling conflicted about how much of yourself you want to share. It’s natural to want to spend more time with people, especially in a pandemic, but it’s also totally normal to feel exhausted. Find the balance that works for you. It’s okay to set boundaries even within your family. You can’t do everything.

Claire  33:43

And that means having to say no sometimes, don’t automatically assume everything has to fall on you. If no one else has time to do the dishes, maybe the dishes won’t get done right away. Learn to be okay with that. Take some time to think about friendships and relationships you’ve had and are still holding on to. What’s kept those connections alive. What’s been their downfall and moments of disconnection? How could things have gone better? For more of Alison Rosen, definitely check out her podcast. Alison Rosen is your new best friend. I also highly recommend the empath Survival Guide life strategies for sensitive people by Dr. Judith Orloff. And also energetic boundaries, how to stay protected and connected in work, love and life by Cindy Dale. As always, thanks for listening. And if you get a chance to try one of these weekly practices, I’d love to hear all about it. Call me and leave me a voicemail at 8334-LEMONADA. That’s 833-453-6662. Or email me at newday@lemonadamedia.com

Claire  34:44

NEW DAY is a Lemonada Media Original. The show is produced by Jackie Danziger, Liliana Maria Percy Ruiz and Erianna Jiles. Kat Yore is our engineer. Music is by Hannis Brown. Executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer, Lily Cornell Silver and Claire Bidwell Smith. NEW DAY is produced in partnership with the Well Being Trust, The Jed Foundation and Education Development Center. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review. Follow us at @LemonadaMedia across all social platforms, or find me at clairebidwellsmith.com. Join our Facebook group to connect with me and fellow NEW DAY listeners at facebook.com/groups/newdaypod. You can also get bonus content and behind the scenes material by subscribing to Lemonada Premium. You can subscribe right now on the Apple podcast app by clicking on our podcast logo and then the subscribe button. Thanks for listening. See you next week.