Can I Have Sex with That? (with Mic Nguyen and Fumi Abe)
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Description
Get ready to hear the dual forces of Add to Cart and Asian Not Asian combine to create a Podcasting Power Ranger Megazord! Kulap and SuChin are joined by self-described heavy shopper Mic Nguyen and TikTok-influenced Fumi Abe. Together they talk about the guys’ most recent add to carts: Mic’s love of stocking up for his vacations with his REI membership (NYC Branch) and Fumi’s preference for the very hip condoms of your average Brooklyn guy. These are only the beginning.
You can find Mic at @nicepantsdude and Fumi at @TheFumiAbe.
Please note, Add to Cart contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
For a list and links to all products mentioned in this episode, head to @addtocartpod on Instagram.
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Transcript
SPEAKERS
Mic Nguyen, Fumi Abe, Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak
Kulap Vilaysack 00:10
Welcome back to another episode of ADD TO CART. I’m Kulap Vilaysack.
SuChin Pak
And I’m SuChin Pak. It is week three of AAPIHM what is that? Asian people love and month and we are continuing with our great guests and great products to celebrate.
Kulap Vilaysack
Yes, later we are going to have our first duo to the show. Mic and Fumi from the ASIAN NOT ASIAN podcasts. But first, shall we talk about our add to cart, SuChin?
SuChin Pak
Yes. So, I have to add two cards right up at the top because they go together. Okay, so this is a new skincare line, called Good Light. So Good Light was started by David Yi who also started a blog called Very Good Light a few years ago, and Very Good Light is a blog that really talks about beauty in such an inclusive way. And he started off to talk about beauty and masculinity in a way that had never been talked about before. And now it’s just grown to just include so many different point of views and talk about beauty in a way that isn’t gender specific. So he for the past few years has been working. He’s been hinting at this and I finally get to try it. So I just have to tell you, I know I’ve talked about Naturium and Naturium is fantastic. I stand by Naturium. There’s no going back.
SuChin Pak
But these two products from Good Light also have changed the game for me. So it’s a two products. One is the Moon Glow Milky Toning Lotion, it’s 22 bucks. And then the second product that I want to recommend from this line is the We Come In Peace serum, I think to get the real full benefit of it, you have to try these two products together. And a toning lotion if you haven’t tried it. It’s such an Asian thing. It’s like it’s the consistency of water. So you’re going to be very confused if you’ve never tried a toning lotion. And the reason why it’s the consistency of water is that everything in there is meant to be quickly absorbed into your skin. And once it’s in there, I then go in with the probiotic serum. It’s something about the combination of this oil, these two products together. I mean, it’s just, it’s Asian dewy glowyness.
Kulap Vilaysack 02:38
I have it on right now. I love it as well. It’s fantastic. It’s so light and SuChin you’re going to speak to its effectiveness. I’m sorry that I am sorry not sorry that I’m blessed with amazing skin. And so for me part of it is the experience how does it feel going on?
SuChin Pak
What is the packaging look like?
Kulap Vilaysack
I like the packaging, the packaging and the boxing, the box is amazing. It comes with a beautiful poster and everyone is shaking their head I can hear you’re shaking listeners. I can hear it, okay? But the bottle feels nice on the hand. The textures of the actual product feels good. The ritual on makes me feel good.
SuChin Pak
By the way, David is going to love every minute of this. He spent so much time on the packaging The packaging is so beautiful. Not only that it is completely recyclable. And really this product line is all about retaining moisture. It’s about keeping your moisture barrier intact. This is not […] squeaky clean. Strip away your moisture. This is let’s keep all that goodness. I am already on my second package of this product.
Kulap Vilaysack
This is really your sermon.
SuChin Pak
This is my church. This is my Sunday school
Kulap Vilaysack
It’s not about squeaky clean. Like this is the gospel. This is SuChin Pak’s gospel.
SuChin Pak 04:07
If your skin is tight, it’s not right. Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. It needs to have that bounce that mochi bounce. You ever have a dry mochi? Throw it away. Okay, this is about that bouncy mochi.
Kulap Vilaysack
I want to highlight Tuk Tuk Box. This is a curated South East Asian box with delicious snacks and products founded by two Southeast Asian American women. Someone who of course is Lau What up Lau. Christy Innouvong-Thornton and Beatriz Aurelio-Saguin, and I’m sorry if I mispronounced your names, but these two women partner with vetted small business owners and local farmers to share carefully crafted ingredients and recipes from their own community. Okay, so the southeast next you the box choices are a little funky, funky, fresh and funkylicious.
SuChin Pak
Those are like the flavor profiles, you know? Are you funky fresh or are you funkylicious? Wait, let me guess which one you are. You’re funky fresh. You’re right in the middle.
Kulap Vilaysack
I’m just right. That’s right.
SuChin Pak
What do you think I am?
Kulap Vilaysack
I think you’re a little funky.
SuChin Pak
Yes, I’m a little funky. The funkylicious was too much. And then a funky fresh. I was like I can graduate to that. But let me just start off a little funky. A little funky.
Kulap Vilaysack
When I got mine, it was just like first childhood favorites. And some new to me stuff. Yeah. Which is like I have so many like just happy memories of going to Minneapolis going to the Lao store to get just like all the various sundries all the different types of candies, and they wouldn’t just be Lao stuff. I mean, that’s where I’d get my white rabbit candies. That’s where you know..
SuChin Pak 06:21
Always. I love a white rabbit.
Kulap Vilaysack
You can eat the paper guys; you can eat the paper.
SuChin Pak
Eat the paper enjoy the paper.
Kulap Vilaysack
Not the wrapper, but the paper inside. And also my mom would get 15 VHS Thai dramas.
SuChin Pak
Not in the box.
Kulap Vilaysack
Yep, just a VHS of just Thai soap operas. But that’s the type of memory that like comes up for me. This is such a good gift. But check them out, Tuk Tuk Box. And the last thing SuChin, and I just wanted to talk about and just put into the space. I mentioned it a little bit last week, but I do feel I am evolving into something else.
SuChin Pak
What do you mean by that?
Kulap Vilaysack
Great question. I don’t know. I just know that I am influx. And I’m coming out of you know, we’re all coming out of a, but I had a pretty tight quarantine, I was able to mainly leave my house to go to doctor’s appointments, which was unpleasant, a lot of being poked and prodded. But for the most part, I really kept it really tight to home. And now I’m fully vaxxed, almost waxed. And I’m starting to see friends and being around people like shifting something inside of me. It’s exciting. It’s also so different from the last 15 months, that I feel a little like how do I act around people? And not just screens? Okay, you don’t have answers for me?
SuChin Pak 08:05
No, tell me how it is? I don’t know yet. I’m half back. So I’m still a little..
Kulap Vilaysack
And where are you in your waxing?
SuChin Pak
Just still very hairy.
Kulap Vilaysack
Got it. Okay. I just want to be updated.
SuChin Pak
Listen, you have the app, you’ve downloaded the SuChin Vax Wax app. And that will alert you if my position is changed on wax.
Kulap Vilaysack
Okay, I won’t nag you then I’ll just wait for those updates. I know we’re not going back to one, I’m not going back to one. Like to how I was before the pandemic, I feel like my values have shifted. My values have shifted where I want to spend my time who with whom do I want to spend my time. And part of me does feel like I lost a year. And that I want to be smart with my time moving forward. If that makes sense, but I’m also not like, ah, you know, like, I have a friend who I will not name. But his reaction to being fully vaxxed was to go to his local bar, go inside. Even though half of the bars tables are overturned and the chairs are above stacked to the side. And then after five years do a heap of coke. And like that’s not my energy. I’m eager to see my friends, but not to see or be among strangers. I’m not ready to go to a restaurant. I’m not ready to do 25% occupancy at Dodger Stadium. I’m not there yet. Maybe I will be. But that’s not my energy.
SuChin Pak
In the beginning. Remember first episodes you were like I am a social person. Remember that? That argument? Not argument, but you and Scott, were having that and it was really tough for you to get through the holidays. It feels like in some ways we’re turning a corner who knows it’s also soon, but let’s just hope for the best.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:15
I am really hopeful. I’m really hopeful for a lot of things. And, you know, I’m being a little bit of a tease here but all will be revealed, all be revealed. For me. And as I said, for you as well.
SuChin Pak
What?
Kulap Vilaysack
I don’t know, I don’t know. But I’m gonna we’re gonna be revealing things. And I don’t know yet. It’s gonna be revealed for me as well. I’m just saying that is the energy that I’m feeling is going to happen.
SuChin Pak
Oh, god, I’m scared. I’m unnecessarily sweating along my hairline. I don’t know what’s happening
Kulap Vilaysack
I sweat beads on my nose. And they have formed. I want you to know like I said, it will be revealed to me as well.
SuChin Pak
Okay, okay. That turned a quarter pretty quick, but I’m okay with that. Listen, I’m right, right behind you. And that tuk tuk. Just holding on to your waist. With a Southeast Asian breeze in my hair. You know, turn those corners slow. Turn those corners fast. I got you.
Kulap Vilaysack
Add to Carter’s you are in for such a real treat. We have not one but two guests, our first duo here. Both are writer comedians from New York City. They host the weekly comedy podcast ASIAN NOY ASIAN which is to Asian guys. Not from Asia talking about American issues no American cares about please welcome to ADD TO CART. Wait, hold on. I did the thing that I hate that I should have done before. Yeah. And we’re just gonna do it on air. I would hate to mispronounce your names. And I just we’re gonna do it now. Fumi Abe.
Fumi Abe 12:23
You got it.
Kulap Vilaysack
Okay, Mic Nguyen?
Mic Nguyen
It’s right. Now that you’ve lost all the momentum, keep going.
Kulap Vilaysack
I can’t get it. I’m sweating. I’m sweating. People can hear that I’m sweaty. And they’re with me. They’re slick too. Please welcome Fumi Abe and Mic Nguyen.
SuChin Pak
The studio is going wild guys, live studio audience, you know what I mean?
Mic Nguyen
It’s craziness in here.
SuChin Pak
You know, it’s just that add to cart money.
Fumi Abe
I’m so glad I’m so glad you did that last name thing because we had a guest on the other day who had a very long tie last name. And I was too scared to stop it so I just kept going and I just fucked it up and then we just didn’t even address it. We were lucky because he was Thai and I added like an extra vow and nobody caught on. […] Thai last names are so long. People are like that sounds right.
Mic Nguyen
Just keep going.
Kulap Vilaysack
And I do that all the time. And it’s like Kulap. Come on. Like, just ask and what I do is I’ll just go like, Fumi Abe. Guys, welcome so much. Please. Welcome for what? Thank you for coming to the show. I’m so flustered.
Mic Nguyen
Thank you for having us.
Kulap Vilaysack 14:02
Could you describe what type of shoppers you both are?
Mic Nguyen
Heavy. I’m a heavy shopper.
SuChin Pak
What does that mean?
Mic Nguyen
I would say I’m probably in the DSM-IV, in some category.
Fumi Abe
What does that mean?
Mic Nguyen
DSM-IV. It’s like the it’s the psychiatric book. So it’s like, you know, I’m like, I wield shopping, like, scalpel. I use that to like as to control my life in very specific ways. Don’t do what I do. It’s very dangerous, because you can end up having like, a whole bunch of suits from the 90s that you don’t need, because that will happen. I have this weighted sack; this weighted bag almost like a sandbag that’s shaped like a sheep. Okay, and I got sold into this idea that if you use this weighted bag to swing around your head and you can like get really buff like some sort of Romanian farmer, and I ended up, I have one of those.
SuChin Pak
Wait, don’t you have a back problem?
Mic Nguyen
I do have back problems, too. I maybe, you know, they didn’t tell me Romanians, Romanian farmers, they always got that slipped disc.
Kulap Vilaysack
Mic, you and I are simpatico. You and I same cloth. Fumi, how about you?
Fumi Abe
I mean I’m also like I shop pretty frequently but probably not like anywhere close to the way Mic shops, like Michael just like buy a Rolex you know buy these Gucci suits where it wants to an open Mic. That’s the kind of guy that he is. I can’t even imagine bombing in a Gucci suit. That’s the whole thing, anyways.
Mic Nguyen
It’s special.
Fumi Abe
I’ll say this, I think, like in just life. I’m pretty grounded. Like I know who I am. I know what I like. But when it comes to shopping, I’m like so easily influenced by TikTok friends. You know, even when Mic was talking about that Romanian sheep, I looked it up. I don’t even do jiu-jitsu, but I looked it up. You know, I was like, maybe it’s a sex thing. Maybe I could do it too.
Kulap Vilaysack 16:05
Wait, hold on, timeout.
Fumi Abe
Do I fuck sheep. Yes. Go ahead.
Mic Nguyen
What I have and then he’ll be like, can I have sex with it? And then he’ll buy it.
SuChin Pak
Wait, that makes so much sense. Because when I was on, we went around and we’re like, What’s the last thing you bought? Fumi, you said, a stapler and some lube sheet.
Mic Nguyen
Yes. Which is such a that’s such a Fumi thing for me is just like, he’s like a real hard working horny grasshopper. Okay, he’s like, what do I need? What do I need for the home office and or what do I need for the spank office? Those are the two things, the spank office and the home office.
Kulap Vilaysack
And which office are we in right now?
Fumi Abe
This is the bedroom but I do it all over. You know it doesn’t really. I’m a free spirit. But like to show you how influenced like how influenced I am how easily swayed I am. I saw my friend went viral on TikTok for buying this thing on Amazon. It’s like an it’s like a camera for your year. But like you can buy for 10 bucks. You’d plug it into your computer and you open up a photo booth and you can insert this thing and look at your like ear wax and stuff. I’m not your doctor. And there’s no cleaning device. You just look at it. I bought like two, the other one is for my girlfriend. That’s the kind of shit I’m spending my stimulus check on, you know?
SuChin Pak
Okay, I know for sure Koreans are obsessed with ear wax. Is that like a pan Asian thing?
Fumi Abe
What do you mean obsessed like, what do you do with it? I like to look at it and stuff.
Kulap Vilaysack
Do you fuck it?
Mic Nguyen
Damn, she got you man. Open up the Wikipedia. It’s too dry. It’s too dry. Fumi, you know you got the dryer. Oh, wait Kulap, do you have wet earwax?
Kulap Vilaysack 18:03
I was just gonna share that..
Mic Nguyen
I have wet earwax too. Get on our Southeast Asian Delta style earwax.
SuChin Pak
I’ve never heard of moist Asian ear wax.
Mic Nguyen
Power of the otter sea otter earwax.
Kulap Vilaysack
Guys let’s get into your add to carts. I feel we’ve really set the table and yeah. Mic, should we start with your headlamp? Is that the way we go? Tell us about it.
Mic Nguyen
Okay, so I’m almost fully backed. I feel everyone is like doing their big escape trip. And it’s kind of unclear if you can leave America or not right now so you know my wife and I we’re going to the west we’re going to Moab and this is the kind of person I am. I know some people they like to make their apartment real nice. I like to prepare for the trip. Write for me, that’s if not more important, it’s just as important as the trip itself. Like what am I going to wear each day? What gear do I need? So one of the things is we might go hiking at night and I heard you might need a headlamp so I got one for me and one for her. And as soon as she saw it she was just like yet another reason why the divorce papers are filed. She’s what do we need this for? I was like just put it on. It’s a sex thing. So we just you know, along with the ear camera. That’s amazing. That’s actually perfect. But yeah, so I like preparing
Kulap Vilaysack
The brand is Black Diamond. You got it from REI.
Mic Nguyen
Yes. I love REI. Yeah, I live in New York City and I have an REI membership. It makes no sense.
Fumi Abe
What do you get with the membership, like is there like a gym or something?
Mic Nguyen 20:01
You get like 10% offers.
SuChin Pak
Oh, that’s how much REI stuff that he’s buying.
Mic Nguyen
Dude, I have so much REI, I have like hiking, you know medical supplies, I have like special kinds of like dried foods and shit.
Kulap Vilaysack
You’re preparing.
Fumi Abe
When I saw this link, Mic, I thought this was for reading.
Mic Nguyen
Yeah, you could use it for that.
Fumi Abe
I didn’t realize this is for night hiking. Yeah, that’s interesting.
Mic Nguyen
As a person who lives in Brooklyn most likely I will use it to like, I don’t know, look under my sink for something or whatever, you know, but I’d like to think that I would I could use it to go night hiking.
Kulap Vilaysack
I mean, I’m gonna want to follow up to see if you actually night hike. Will you update us?
Mic Nguyen
Yeah, no, I’ll probably just probably just wear it like the jacuzzi or something like that.
SuChin Pak
The both of you just spotlights on each other. I’ll probably we’re on the podcast.
Kulap Vilaysack
Fumi, what is this? Amazon basics? Premium single Monitor Stand?
Fumi Abe
Oh my god, I’m using it right now. I bought it.
Mic Nguyen
This is such a Fumi move.
SuChin Pak
What is this?
Fumi Abe
I’m super into like office setups, and like work from home setups. Ergonomics. I got a great chair. I got a stapler that I fucked. You know, it’s a whole thing. But, do you guys have external monitors for work?
Kulap Vilaysack
I just have my laptop.
Fumi Abe
You just laptop? Your little 13-inch laptop? You gotta have one.
Kulap Vilaysack
Why? Tell me why.
Mic Nguyen
Hold on here. Fumi, you give him reason, I’ll give another reason.
Fumi Abe
I don’t know you feel like a wall street person. But you’re like really writing a script about butts or something? It’s kind of fun. I don’t know. I think it makes you feel more efficient and therefore you are more efficient. But I do think it is good for your back because you’re not like hunched over and you got this nice screen.
Kulap Vilaysack
All right. Okay. Mic?
Mic Nguyen
You can have sex with it. That’s the reason.
Fumi Abe
So what this is, is this is not even a monitor. It’s an arm for the monitor because I like to..
Mic Nguyen 22:04
It’s a clamp to something?
Fumi Abe
Of course it clamps my desk. Thank you so much for asking. And basically. So if you buy an external monitor, it comes with a stand like much like a TV. But then you don’t have space under the monitor. Because if you want to put like pencils down there stuff, right? I want. I see. I don’t know if you can see me. I don’t have this video. But I’m sticking my hand under my monitor right now because it’s levitated.
Kulap Vilaysack
And you use pencils a lot?
Mic Nguyen
Fumi’s Japanese you kidding me? He probably has most of his net worth in pencils.
Fumi Abe
I got one of these, you know, by my desk, some scissors and some, you know, some highlighters.
Mic Nguyen
What are you? Like a substitute teacher?
Fumi Abe
Substitute teacher of comedy.
Mic Nguyen
Does it rotate? Does it rotate vertical?
Fumi Abe
So this one The thing is, here’s what happened, right and add to cart. You let me know, you let me know what you think about this. Sometimes my dad does this. And I try not to do it. But my dad was the kind of shopper growing up where like, let’s just say we’re in the market for vacuums. And there’s one for $400 that and that’s just gonna take care of all your needs. Okay, and then there’s one for like, $100. Okay, he’s gonna buy the $100. And then a year later, he’s gonna buy the $400 one because he’s gonna realize the $100 sucks. That’s what happened to me, I bought a so this arm is actually pretty expensive. I think it’s like, 100 bucks, like 130 maybe. So I bought an arm for 30 bucks last year.
Fumi Abe
That doesn’t really just move like sideways like horizontally, but you can’t push it back. You can’t doesn’t go up. You can’t rotate it in case you want to read an article, you know, you can rotate your screen, so it’s vertical. So this one can do all that and basically took me I bought the other arm at the beginning of the pandemic. This is like a year later. And I bought this one now and I’m super into it. It’s actually it’s great. I would actually recommend it.
Kulap Vilaysack
I’m just laughing that you’re using your monitor like it’s a phone and that you to read an article. You need to flip it like it’s a humongous iPad.
Fumi Abe
You feel so fucking cool, though, when you like you know, but except I’m reading like a stupid article on BuzzFeed like top 10 Disney characters that you might be.
Mic Nguyen 24:06
I’ve known Fumi for well over five, six years now. And he has said more about this monitor arm than he has about his relationship with his mother. Okay, so that’s the level of where he’s at. He like cried, you see him cry. I saw him crying.
Fumi Abe
I love tech shit.
Kulap Vilaysack
I mean, SuChin you’re, you know, we’ve talked about your desk and your death situation. Is this something that or lack thereof? Is this something that you would bring into your life?
SuChin Pak
My desk is just a giant garbage can for all the things in this house that eventually end up on it. I don’t even understand the technology of what a monitor is that you can flip it around like that. That’s how like much of a luddite that I am. So I’m just trying to figure out if I bought this it would require so much change in my life. It would require a complete inner transformation.
Mic Nguyen
Fumi and I, we love gear, we have a lot of stuff on our podcast and ever since it went, you know, in the quarantine, we’ve had a lot of gear because we had to do all this stuff like remotely. My setup is I have a laptop, I have two other laptops underneath it from work and all these other things. I have my XT-3 Fujifilm camera, I have a web camera. I have this monitor. And I have an external light here that I can turn on and off. All on a standing desk connected to my Zoom H6 all surrounding me. I sometimes feel like and this is awesome. I’m getting into an office Mecca. Office armored suit. But yes, I am also just checking out look just like anybody else. But it feels like I’m 360 fighting aliens. It’s sweet.
Fumi Abe
That’s such a great analogy. I whenever I sit down at my desk and I see all my gear, I feel like I’m a sweet drummer, you know, like, you know, like, do you know like, Okay, this is a nerdy reference, but there’s a drummer named Neil Peart. He died already. He’s the drummer for Rush. He has a drama kick up the 360 where it surrounds him. That’s what I fuckin want. But with like office supplies.
Mic Nguyen 26:14
I only have one or monitor for me. I just have the one.
SuChin Pak
Yeah. What’s the one you’re looking at what Disney animated character you are, going to be like Iron Man about.
Fumi Abe
Oh, my God, I got a random slash symbol over here, but I’m feeling funny, you know, a little rimshot you know?
SuChin Pak
Okay. All right. I love it.
Kulap Vilaysack
Now, Mic, I want to talk about this tassel moccasin.
Mic Nguyen
Oh, the tassel loafer.
Kulap Vilaysack
I want to know about the Alden Tassel Loafer. You got it in black shell cordovan.
Mic Nguyen
You know what cordovan is?
Kulap Vilaysack
No, tell me.
Mic Nguyen
Cordovan is the leather that comes from the horses butt, I’ma tell you something. It is the nicest leather all cordovan shoes are like, ridiculously pricey. You know, this shoes, known retail normally are $800 or something like that. But for these leather shoes, and they’ve always been super-duper expensive. Alden is like a shoe brand. Your grandfather’s boss used to buy, okay, it’s like an old man white man brand. And that cordovan shoes are supposed to be you know, those kind of shoes where you’re like, You own it forever. And you’re you know, if you own it, you’re definitely racist for a long time or something like that. It was just like an old white man shoe. But no, now it’s kind of like opened up and you know, I love cordovan and things but like, you know, I can’t be spending money on that and also my sweet office Mecca.
Mic Nguyen
So I found this eBay version. And it’s an adventure buying I love you know; I love you know; I love fashion. So and I love fancy clothes. And right now, I don’t want to say how old I am. But I am transitioning into 85 so I you know, and all the fashions like that, you know, so like, you know, blazers that are too big and polo shirts that are stained in the armpits, and also old leather shoes. And these are what’s up, man, so, you know, absolutely not practical. Okay, again. Brooklyn is rainy right now. There’s dog poop everywhere. And I want to wear loafers. It doesn’t make any sense. But that’s the you know; I’ll wear these with my headlamp. It’ll be great. It’ll make perfect sense. It’d be amazing, bro.
Kulap Vilaysack 28:41
These are gorgeous shoes. I didn’t know about cordovan.
Mic Nguyen
Cordovan man, it’s like the highest-level shoe. It’s super-duper thick. It’s like crazy times. It’s a wildly wildly painful to wear. You’re supposed to wear it until either the shoe molds to your foot or more likely the foot molds to the shoe. You know you ever seen old man’s foot is super pointy. You know? It looks like an old Chinese empresses foot. It’s just like mad pointy. Because they’re wearing cordovan shoes that they’ve always worn, you know, in the office when they’re out. You know, getting drunk in the bar or whatever. And because the shoes are so fit like hardcore, that you know, these are like shoes you can like pass on to your kids if you wanted to. That’s what’s up
Kulap Vilaysack
I didn’t know they were bound to; they were bound to. What do you think SuChin?
SuChin Pak
Okay, so underneath the picture of the shoe is photos from our community. And I was trying to see if Mic had posted his, there’s a photo. If you guys look on there on the carousel, I don’t know if it’s the same on yours. There’s a man who has taken a photo of himself know without any socks, and it’s up against a mountain from mountain scape and I said, maybe that’s Mic’s shoe. I just wondered if you were in this community carousel.
Mic Nguyen 30:17
I’m not yet but Alden is one of those brands where it’s there’s only two kinds of people who really wear them now is that you know, that old lawyer style probably voted for Trump dude. And guys named Hiroshi Inosaka you know, like fashion guy’s name Hiroshi who are like yeah super into like the detail of like, yes, yeah, yeah, raw denim hashtag raw denim. Levi 501, you know that dude right? Those are the two populations if you look up Alden, it’s only one of those two
Kulap Vilaysack
SuChin, this is a lot like you wearing Dickies.
Mic Nguyen
Yeah you were Dickies?
Kulap Vilaysack
But not Dickies the work wear pants. Dickies the little bibs. You know the bibs where it’s a color and just shirt.
SuChin Pak
It’s an eighth of a shirt. It’s an eighth of a shirt, so you just get the fancy color but there’s no shirt underneath. Have you ever seen this before?
Kulap Vilaysack
And so then you wear it underneath like a sweater and you look put together.
Fumi Abe
I need to google this.
Mic Nguyen
Is this a sex thing? What is this? What are you talking about?
SuChin Pak
It’s a cheap lazy thing and I have about 16 of these in all different sizes.
Mic Nguyen
This is them joints that you know when you like take your picture for yearbook and they use the slap on the fake tuxedo on you.
SuChin Pak
That’s right.
Mic Nguyen
Oh my god.
SuChin Pak
It’s incredible. So this is the opposite of what he’s done, he’s committed to molding his foot to a shoe and I have not committed to a sleeve so it just opposite ends of the fashion spectrum.
Kulap Vilaysack
Both are very granny and grandpa.
Mic Nguyen 32:00
SuChin, this is making me think that like what I’m seeing right now on camera you is your you have a regular sized head and as some sort of really small shriveled body that’s floating in a jar somewhere and you use like you’re not even who you, you’re like your head has been fitted to like an animatronic body, it’s freaking me out.
Kulap Vilaysack
Basically said she’s been.
Fumi Abe
Were you wearing this like back when you were like single because I can’t imagine like going home with a girl and she just takes off her blouse or whatever shirt or whatever and it’s just this like..
SuChin Pak
No, this is when you’ve given up on all types of physical intimacy you know? It’s just you and you
Kulap Vilaysack
That’s a perfect segue into our next item of Fumi’s, the Okamoto 004 condoms. Explain why they’re white.
Fumi Abe
What do you mean their white? How do you know what color it is? So I don’t know if you guys will see this. I was thinking about this. I was coming in this part. You guys are all married. And like you’re probably not using condoms. So I don’t know if you guys know this but like oh Okamoto condoms are like kind of a thing it certain parts of Brooklyn.
SuChin Pak
What are you actually talking about?
Mic Nguyen
Sort of like how am I Alden shoes are really big with old people and guys in Japan Okamoto is kind of the same thing.
Fumi Abe
Okay, so like okay, so okay, Okamoto, the brand. Well, this particular type is famous because as you can see in the Amazon link, what’s their logline or sorry, their catchphrase. Almost nothing. Okay, so a lot of guys complain how they can’t finish with a condom and they’re talking about a Trojan or like that brand called Skin with the why and you know it I think it provides a lot of protection but it’s very thick and I think a lot of times it’s even so thick that like you could lose your erection you know you’re like at risk here. Okamoto’s a Japanese brand. You can only buy them online I think but if you know you know, okay, this is like no like, oh, Japan like they love taking over random ass industries like condoms for example. And they’re super, super thin. It feels like you’re raw dogging it. This is the closest thing to raw dogging it. And I finish every time so yes.
Mic Nguyen 34:53
What I love about this is that Fumi when he bought his computer monitor Amazon basics, whatever generic basics, his sex officer though, oh, yeah. Obscure Japanese brand.
Fumi Abe
You know, like it’s got 2000 rating is not obscure man.
SuChin Pak
The box is embossed.
Kulap Vilaysack
So the condom are not white, it’s the box that’s white.
Fumi Abe
I don’t know. I don’t know if the condoms are white because I’m gonna be honest with you when I get naked and I turn off the lights so I don’t really look at the color of the condom. I think it’s just like regular transparent like skin color, you know, yellowish
Mic Nguyen
Are they latex?
Fumi Abe
Yeah, yeah, but there’s different types of Okamoto condoms. 004 is the only one I get. That’s the only one.
Mic Nguyen
They have numbers?
Kulap Vilaysack
It’s premium thinness, measurable thinness, almost nothing.
Mic Nguyen
That was good.
Fumi Abe
I mean, the reviews, the reviews are amazing. The only thing that the funniest reviews I’ve read are like, I guess if you’re I don’t know how to talk about this without sounding problematic. But I guess I will, because this is just what’s in the reviews. But like, I guess if you have like, a huge penis, it will not fit. This is just for the average Brooklyn guy. You know, if you got if you’re just if you’re just an average guy, if you’re like a, you know, a good dude with a good job and an average job, average dick. You know, this is for you.
Mic Nguyen 36:18
Question.
Fumi Abe
Yes?
Mic Nguyen
Can you be from Queens and have this okay, no?
Fumi Abe
Here’s the thing you can I think you can put it on to like a certain size. Like, if you’re a big guy, you can still put it on. But if you just have like, if you’d like porn star dick, unfortunately you can’t you cannot be enjoying Okamoto 004 unfortunately, you know, that’s just not..
Kulap Vilaysack
That’s good for our listeners to know. Now SuChin, what is your feelings about this product? Like what are you?
SuChin Pak
I mean, no, I guess in my mind, I was just very much interested in how Fumi or men you know, is there like, is there like a, like a Reddit thread or like a hotline? Like, how do you find this info? Is there a party line? Is there just is this just like, Is this just like bar talk? You know, you’re out with the guys like, well, I tried the 004 they were so much better than the double 002 like how does that information get?
Mic Nguyen
We go to Buffalo Wild Wings? And we’re like, dude, bro, bro, what do you think about Gronkowski? He’s like, you know, performance lately. And then at the same time, we’re also like, also, dude, what rubbers you use?
Fumi Abe
Like, to me, these are like my Jordan’s. Okay. People are really have with Jordan’s like Jordan ones. Jordan twos. I don’t know what that’s all about. But I know my Okamoto numbers, and I first heard about it. When I was working at like a cool hipster restaurant when I was younger. And a lot of the cool Brooklyn people would talk about it because they’d be like, Oh, yeah, like, I don’t know. I feel like straight guys always like, oh, okay. Okay, cool. We’re in restaurant actually, straight guys always like that. That’s my impression of a straight man in Brooklyn. And you know, there was something was working there who’s white dude who studied abroad in Japan was like, oh you got to try the Okamoto’s. And I was like, what is that? There wasn’t a version back then. But I had it in my notes.
Mic Nguyen 38:15
Like a notebook?
Fumi Abe
Comedians carry around notebooks. I did this I carried around a notebook before I was in comedy, but I wouldn’t write down ideas. I would just write down like, interesting. Yeah, like, not thoughts, but just like, oh, like, that seems like a good purchase. Like I’d write down like, Okamoto’s like, that was a thing. I don’t tell in my, in my book anyway. So like, I heard about this. As I got older start having sex. Hey, countering, I was encountering this problem of like, oh, not being able to like sort of finish with like, the average kind of condoms that you’d get at the store. And then I remember like, oh, Okamoto I googled it. There’s a whole like Reddit thread. There’s like a blog that you know, there’s like, the top 10 like fitness condoms.
Fumi Abe
It’s a fire YouTube video if you got like 40 minutes, dude. Which condom are you? You know, you take a little quiz and then tell us but yeah, it’s like, it’s definitely a thing that like, I think not everyone knows. It’s kind of hipster right now. Not everybody knows. But if you know, you know, and it’s a good time. And that’s all I can say about this product.
SuChin Pak
Listen, I mean, we brought it to you first you know, our Add to Carter’s may not know about a lot of things and now they know about everything
Kulap Vilaysack
I’ve been educated. I’m not the same.
SuChin Pak
Maybe you’ll go back to condoms, Kulap.
Kulap Vilaysack
Guys, you’re the best. Please tell us. When does your podcast come out, what day?
Fumi Abe
It comes out Sunday nights at 8pm. Or you can get it Monday morning ready for your commute. And it’s called ASIAN NOT ASIAN, available to all platforms. And we’re on YouTube. We’ve got videos on YouTube as well. Follow the podcast at @AsiannotAsianPod, We post a lot of stuff on there so please follow us there and I’m also on there @thefumiabe.
Mic Nguyen
You can find me Mic Nguyen on Instagram at @nicepantsbro. That’s it.
Kulap Vilaysack
And that’s enough I love it. Thank you guys so much.
Mic Nguyen 40:14
Thanks for having us
SuChin Pak
That’s it for this episode but who knows next week’s episode may just reveal more.
Kulap Vilaysack
Thank you so much for listening folks. I mean find out any and all the products sex toys, Mic and Fumi talked about on @AddToCartPod I mean who knew that that would be revealed soon and this is what I’m talking about things are going to be revealed.
SuChin Pak
Oh my goodness, that was revealing on so many levels. I just don’t even know what I don’t know where to store that information in my brain like the 004 Okamoto is I don’t even know what that is. It’s gonna come out one day and people are my friends are gonna be like, how, why do you know these Japanese condom brands and I’ll have to explain that it happened here. So leave us a voicemail with your favorite home office purchases, home office or other types of offices that makes you also feel like a superhero 833-453-6662
CREDITS
ADD TO CART is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producer is Claire Jones and our editor is Ivan Kuraev. The music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers are Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Also, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcast.
