COVID Summer
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Description
I’d like to start out with the caveat that I recorded this episode during the height of having COVID. It was so challenging to collect my thoughts and feel in control of anything. Which, oddly enough, is exactly how I feel going into this summer. It’s the first summer where I’ve planned almost nothing for my kids and where they are more autonomous than ever and I’m having a hard time with that. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to provide the perfect summers for our kids? Let’s tawk. Let’s Tawk contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
Keep up with Jaime on Twitter at @JaimePrimak and on Instagram at @jaimepsullivan. Watch her Facebook Live series – Cawfee Tawk – here. And stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.
Leave Jaime a voicemail at 833-453-6662.
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Transcript
SPEAKERS
Jaxson, Jaime Primak Sullivan
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Hi, guys, if you’re listening to this episode, first of all, I’m super grateful. And also, I’m finally healthy. And I want to share with you that after 17 plus long days of being in some state of flu/Covid fog, something. I finally feel like I have a clear thought. And it was a very isolating time for me because I was trying very hard to get well and also pretend I was well. And that is a very scary place to be. And so I want to say that the episode you’re gonna listen to was taped. While I was at the height of my, I was not contagious. Let me be clear about that. But I was at the height of my COVID fog/disarray. And I was trying very hard to form a thought and track an arc of conversation. And I want to be very honest with you that, that was very difficult for me. I am not used to having such a hard time, having a conversation. And for those of you who are listening who have followed me on my journey through Jersey Bell and or Cawfee Talk and feel slightly betrayed, that I did not come forward and now make some sweeping public announcement. I didn’t do that because my mental health wasn’t good. And I had a daughter graduating from eighth grade and kids making on a roll and masses, all of which I could not attend. And I spent more time crying than I care to admit. So I had to keep it private in order to not fall completely apart. Why do I share all this with you now? Because I’m on the other side of it. And I feel like that is worth celebrating. And also because if you know me, well, you know that what you’re about to hear is Jaime doing her best when she was feeling her worst. So I just wanted to share that with you and on with the show.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Hello, everybody and welcome to this week’s episode of Let’s Tawk. I am your host Jaime Primak Sullivan and I am joined by my wonderful co-host Jaxson. I have enjoyed so much doing this with you Jackson and it has been so interesting to see the response from listeners people who comment and tell me how much they love our banter. I think I take it for granted because were in […] literally who we are all the time. The amount of people also who have shared how sexy they think your voice is. Yeah,
Jaxson
Yeah, I know.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Wow. You and Michael.
Jaxson
I think Michael definitely has me beat in certain regards. Certainly. Deepness. He’s deeper than mine. But and he’s got that drawl, which is very specific.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
It is, where does that come from?
Jaxson
Well, my understanding is the Southern accent comes from the British accent closer to it, then northerners and I guess Westerners, but yeah.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
So, are you saying Michael’s like slightly British?
Jaxson
I don’t know anything about his ancestry?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
No, he’s Irish. 150%. So
Jaxson
Sullivan.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I mean, like, his people came, like, literally off the boat. And I would try like hey, top of the morning to you. That’s not an accent. I don’t know what that was. But anyway, I, forgive me if you guys hear like long pauses and weird, like, far fake […]. I am going to share with something with you now that I can emotionally wrap my brain around it. But I made it two and a half years COVID free. And then I went to a wedding and got more than a good time. I got COVID. And I did not realize and Jackson, I haven’t shared this with you yet, but I’m going to explain it to you. Well, first of all, you go in stages. The first thing is like disbelief. Right? Because especially I can only speak for me. But when you make it two and a half years, I think there’s a part of you that a very small part of you. That starts to think maybe I’m immune. Maybe I am one of those weird people they write about in the medical journals. Like it’s, you know, I’m just, I have not had, you have not had COVID, no, I have not. That’s correct. So that was like our thing, right? We talked about it in this office, like we haven’t had COVID two and a half years. It’s a long time watching everybody get it around us. I’ve had two children that have had COVID in my house. I did not quarantine them. I mean, I certainly you know, I wash my hands, I wear my mask. I got backs, that got boosted. You know, I did the things certainly that could best prevent. But I have lived a pretty full life during COVID. I’ve been to LA twice, I’ve been to Chicago, I’ve been to South Africa. I’ve been to New Orleans. I’ve been to London. Like I have international airports, crown rooms, airplanes, hotels. I’ve been to concerts, I have lived. And I didn’t get COVID. So, you can see how I could start to think maybe like it just wasn’t gonna happen, kinda. But also like, also still precocious, but like kinda like maybe not?
Jaxson
Well, part of it is how cautious we are, like we are naturally wearing masks and like continuing to wear masks on airplanes. Yes. And it makes you lead you to think well, I’m careful. And it worked so far. That’s that confirmation bias. It’s like that yesterday, it works. And then today it worked. But then tomorrow doesn’t work.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
So, I was sort of doing natural family planning with COVID. I was pulling out whenever I thought there was a high risk. Right. So anyway, I understand how I got it. So there’s no question there. Now, what were my symptoms, this is where the shame starts to come in. Because you think you will wake up one day and be Covidy. Right? Like you, you know, you’ll just wake up and be coughing and sneezing and you know, like a NyQuil commercial, right? And go like this is very clear. I have Covid, right? Not me. It started with a backache. Like I had pulled something or over extended myself. I kept saying to Michael, my back hurts, my back hurts, like my back is killing me. Now, where does the shame come in there? Having a backache shouldn’t make you shameful. But when I was in Los Angeles, with Ryan last time, Ryan is the brilliant writer who wrote beast and breaking in. And my work husband who I love very much. He was telling me how, when they had Covid, their first symptom was back hurting.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
A backache that came out of nowhere. So in my mind, I’m like, looking back now I’m like, how could you have not, have known, but when you’re in it, and you have no other symptom. You think, well, I walk too much, my bookbags too heavy. I mean, you know, you slept wrong, all of it, when you’re 45, the back ache could literally be from sneezing. Okay. One time I literally turned around too quick on the toilet, and I got back. I had a backache for like six weeks. I’m not fucking kidding you. So that was like, on a Saturday, I went and got a massage. And then I went to sleep that night, I took a couple of Tylenol, hoping it would get better. I woke up the next day. And every muscle hurt. But again, I did not feel sick, nothing […], nothing about what you hear. And I understand symptoms are different for everyone. But when you’re living in it, it’s like when people say, I didn’t know, I was pregnant, and everyone’s like, how did you not know you are pregnant? Well, I don’t I never been pregnant before. Like, I don’t know, I didn’t know until they told me or until the test told me. So anyway, that next day, I had the worst muscle aches, Jaxson, the body aches were like, so bad. And now, I convinced myself that the massage was too deep. And that’s why my body was hurting. And certainly, that’s probably, that’s probable like, right, so like the people around you are like, yeah, you know, of course, deep tissue massages, that’ll do it, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so I had friends over to swim. My kids had a sleepover. Like I, to me, it was more important in my brain in the way we move to like, power through. Certainly I’m not going to let a few body aches stop my children from what is the start of the most exciting week. You know, it’s the last week before summer, and it’s eighth grade graduation. And it’s all of these things right? The week before that. So I wasn’t going to like call a doctor and be like, I have body aches. I was like, take a few Tylenol and keep it pushing lady. That’s what you do. Right? Well, by the end of that night, now it had been 24 full hours that I had body aches. I said to Michael like, something’s not right. So he was like, alright, well, tomorrow, you need to call your doctor. Now. I’m ashamed to admit, I don’t have a doctor. I have a gynecologist and I have a veterinarian and an optometrist. That’s it. I can get my eyes checked, my dog looked at or my vagina checked, period. So I’m like, alright, I guess I’ll go see my gynecologist, I don’t know what to say. And I woke up in the middle of the night at 3AM, with a fever. And I was like, holy shit, I have Covid, it was in that moment that it actually entered my mind. Immediately the first thought you have is how bad will this get? Or can this get? Like, rationally, you know, probability? I’m healthy, I exercise, I’m vaccinated. I’m boosted. I live, you know, I have access to the best health care in the world. Like, rationally you know, you’re probably going to be fine. But the irrational part of your brain goes, can I die? It hits you like holy shit. Then you start thinking what are the rules, don’t take this drug only take Tylenol. This is better for you than this. This is not good for. Right? So I pop a few Tylenol. I get back in bed. I wake up the next morning. Now, I’ve been symptomatic probably for two days.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
And, I get up Michael gets up and I say I have Covid, he’s like you don’t know that. I’m like I know it. I’ll take a test obviously, but I know, Michael. So I take the test. It’s positive immediately. There is no 15-minute waiting period. There’s no faint line like you know, like no, it’s deep purple. Okay, it’s smoke on the water. Okay, it’s fire in the sky. So, Michaels like fuck I’m like, yeah. So now the shame set in how did I not know? How did I push through this? What would I have done differently? If only I had known that the first backache on Saturday, you know, now, then the sadness, oh my god, it’s the week of, I’m going to miss this, I’m gonna you know, then it’s immediate, like, you go into this or I, I can’t see you because I don’t know how other people feel but I went into an emotionally isolating place. I don’t want to do coffee talk; I don’t want to talk to anyone. I was so emotionally distraught that it was my children’s last week of school. And I couldn’t attend any parties. No 8th grade graduation. And all three of my children were honored, for honor roll. I couldn’t be there for any of it like nothing. I followed every rule. And there is a lot of shame, with having to make those phone calls and send those texts and say, I’m sorry, I didn’t know when your children slept here. I’m sorry. I didn’t know when you came to swim at my house. You know, and people are lovely in that. They’re like, listen, it’s everywhere, don’t worry, we get it, whatever, you know, but the shame that comes with not getting it. I didn’t feel shame that I got Covid, because, like, the truth is, the small belief I had that I was invincible was make belief. You know what I’m saying? Like, but the shame once you have it. And you have to look at the world around you and your small life. Even you, Jaxson, I sat in that office with you. I have Covid, you know, whatever is like it sucks. I am on the end of it. It is. According to my doctor, my veterinarian. It could take weeks for me to feel normal. Or I could feel normal tomorrow. We don’t know. I am a bit of a space cadet. I’m not gonna lie, I feel like hungover is the only way I can explain it. And quarantine was interesting. I did not come out of my room. Michael was a champion. The parents of my children’s friends were lovely. And I followed the rules. And you know, the first couple of days, you know, you’re in pain, it’s miserable. But once the body aches and stuff are gone, and you’re just like laying in bed and you watch every Twilight movie, then you watch the second season of The Flight Attendant. And you watch, this is what I mean about my brain, you lose actual words, like you just lose whole thoughts. Your brain is just like, nope, you thought and guess what? No.
Jaxson
You started watching the Batman. But did you turn that off?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I absolutely did. First of all, the amount of talking like this. And the amount of talking like this. Well, I’m sorry. Are you what? I asked you to pick something up from Publix. And you, I’m sorry, what? What do you need from the store, Batman? I cannot understand you. It was the, for those of you listening. Jaxson loves Batman. He loves Batman and I so badly want to love the things that Jaxson loves because it’ll give us things to bond over and talk about whatever. So, I thought to myself, here I am with days of nothingness. I’ve watched all the Kardashians, which by the way, is actually really fucking good on the Hulu 1, the new one, not the old ones. But the new one, with Kim like passing the baby bar which I don’t even know what the fuck that is. I’m assuming it’s like a mini law test.
Jaxson
It’s like one of the first, she’s not a lawyer yet.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Listen, she’s more of a lawyer than we are. Let’s not discredit, I like that.
Jaxson
I was only gonna make the joke because Pete Davidson has a tattoo that says my girl is a lawyer. It’s not correct, yet. She’s gonna be a lawyer. Probably. But he got that tattoo and she could drop out still.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Okay, I’m also guessing they’re probably not going to go the long haul. But her jokes about marriage on the show are fucking priceless though. I love it so much, she is. I’ll tell you one thing about Kim. She does not take herself seriously at all. Like she gets it. She’s in on every fucking joke. She’s Libra. We have the same birthday. Like or hate her. I happen to love her. I’m like, I’ve lost the thought. Covid brain is fun, folks. I have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m just now literally I’m like a recipe for a mush cookie. Take the banana and smash it at the bottom of the thing. Like that’s what I am. Oh, Batman. So anyway, I think to myself, all right, well, I’ve exhausted every single, I watched all the Twilight movies. I watched, I wanted mindless like nothingness.. […] But so I thought to myself, I will watch the new Batman because Jaxson that’s the thing and I watched one on the plane for you.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Which was, did you enjoy? The Dark Knight you watch that? Which is the best one. Heath Ledger is the Joker? It’s like he won the Oscar for it.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Yeah, I watched that for you on the plane. And we texted the whole time. And that was fun for us.
Jaxson
That was fun. That one, I’ve seen like 30 times.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Well, and I got to ask you a lot of questions, which is great. And like, okay, I try. I made it. I didn’t even get out of the opening scene where there’s some sort of murder and the investigator comes in and he’s like, you invited him? And Batman’s like, […]? I’m sorry, is he talking? I said, I’m just here to help. What? I was in fucking Twilight. Okay? Do you not know who I am?
Jaxson
My dad needed subtitles. He’s hard of hearing so, but it’s also a long movie.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
It’s also the actors are taking creative liberty with Batman’s voice and everybody’s so desperate because we’ve had 1400 Batman’s to put their own spin on it.
Jaxson
We don’t have to get into this right now. We can move on to do you want to talk about what we had said was gonna be the topic or do you want to continue with?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Yeah, no, I just whatever I mean, I’ve been hiding and my daughter just texted me, every parent in the world, it’s 10:08 My daughter has a Spanish placement test at 10:15, I have told her 15 times what room to bring a pencil and to be there at 10:10 and she just texted me Jaxson, what does it say?
Jaxson
Do I need a pencil?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
And my response is?
Jaxson
Always have a pencil. Mine would have been you better hope they have extras.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
That’s a good one too. I want to talk about the heat is on to […] Do you know that song?
Jaxson
Nope.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Whoa. You don’t know the heat is on? The heat is on, I want to say it’s got to be like one of those Kenny Loggins, he kinda guys, no, it’s not it is hold on the heat is on, Glenn Frey, you don’t know that?
Jaxson
Never heard of that name.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Beverly Hills Cop. Okay, this is how you know I have COVID brain, what do I love more than Eddie Murphy, nothing. Axel Foley is the love of my life. The heat is on and that means Summer is coming. And even though the world is burning around us with COVID and devastating events and war and heartbreak and all of those things, we still have to plan for summer. And there is an expectation that navigating all of that, will not hinder our ability as parents to make sure that summer is planned for our kids and like paid for and organized and structured and fun and full. And if you think there is a tremendous amount of pressure on parents to get it right. You’re crazy. They’re the scheduling the sports and here’s like the thing too. And forgive me because I am trying very hard to keep a linear thought which is very hard for somebody who has my diagnosis which is ADD, and Jaxson does the best he can with it every day. I have severe ADD, but cannot take medication for it because of my eating disorder. So I have to navigate it on my own, on my own, pretending he’s inside me.
Jaxson
Is it inside me? I think it’s beside me, isn’t it?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Why do you want him beside you?
Jaxson
The song’s about having sex.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I don’t know. I guess beside me sounds more. Is it a romance?
Jaxson
Is it either romance or is it about God? Is it from Godsville, or is that a different song I’m thinking.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I thought it was from Le Mis.
Jaxson
It maybe is from Les Mis but then it’s definitely not inside me. No way. I’ve seen that movie I would have been like..
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Okay, so here’s one of the new things I’m dealing with that I don’t know, like, I didn’t realize was a thing until again, till I was in it. Up until this summer. I have had full control over my children’s summers. I say who, I say when, I say how much. Suddenly they have school sports that start, like Max is going to play middle school football. Well, conditioning and training for that program starts next week. And it runs through the summer. Now we go to New Jersey. So suddenly, you know Olivia is going to play high school basketball. Right? She has a basketball program that runs through the summer like Charlie’s dancing for the middle school. Like all of these things were suddenly, I have to think about their schedules around my summer plans. Like the whole thing feels very, right? So I’ve never experienced that before. I’ve always been like, okay, here are the allotted weeks we have, here’s what is going to be easiest for me, I’m most fun for them, or most fun for me and easiest for them or whatever it is, you know? And now, I have to be thinking about things, and it’s very hard to navigate the schedules because families are getting tighter and tighter windows when they can actually like be together and plan, make memories and plan things. And I feel like every season is busier. And you know why it feels busier. It is busier, with busy work, meaning like scheduling and carpool, and practice and blah, blah, blah. But I’m going to tell you the truth. There is no like downtime. There is no more like when my dad came home from work, put his briefcase down at 6 o’clock kissed my mother and sat down at the dinner table like my father was down until the next day. There wasn’t the nonstop cycle of crises happening around him like we’re coming into summer where we are required to entertain and travel and also work and also carpool and also do all of these things with absolutely no downtime so it feels super overwhelming. And school is out and for a lot of families that is very hard. What did you do during the summer when you were young?
Jaxson
All sorts. We went to the pool. Shades Cliff. Okay. We would, you know, play outside. We would go on vacations, we had family in Florida so we would visit them quite often. We have family in England too. We visit them occasionally, play video games constantly. Celebrate not being in school.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Were you saving the princess on Super Mario Brothers?
Jaxson
I did play a little bit of Super Mario on the Nintendo DS more than anything else, probably.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
No way, dude, I had the original like, blow into the game. Push it in, pop it down like. My uncle..
Jaxson
My mom’s brother, got my dad a Super Nintendo for their wedding gift. And it caused early marital problems. Stay up late playing.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Super Mario Brothers was like a game changer, literally. It came out like when I was in fourth grade. And I remember I would sit in my parents room, they put it in their room, because there were no TVs in our bedroom. And our kids, you know, and my dad would lay on the floor next to me and just watch me play for hours. Then it was like play video games. Now, it’s like we have to get our kids off the video game. You know, it’s like, see, we always see, no, I’m not trying to high five you. I put my hand on. You guys. I put my hand up in the air because I’m Italian and I talked with my hands and Jaxson tried to do like the White people like up top, he thought I was giving him like the White person high five.
Jaxson
I thought like we’re on the same page.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Right now, I wouldn’t be touching you.
Jaxson
That’s true. I didn’t think about that. Even though you’re not contagious, but we’re just being careful.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Right. Absolutely. But no, I am. It is the first summer that I feel unprepared to approach summer. I don’t have a good handle on what my children’s schedules are, what their requirements are. I feel overwhelmed that Olivia is going into high school does she have everything she needs. No, I know that these things will get worked out, but it is overwhelming. And I know I’m not the only one. And you don’t even get like a lot of time to transition from one stage of life to another like she just finished eighth grade. And already the amount of emails I have about high school placement tests, book ordering, uniforms like fucking au revoir, eighth grade. Thanks for the memories. No time to sit here, like got a move, you know, and I’m just like, oh my gosh. I haven’t really talked about this, but I’ve been carrying it for a long time. I don’t remember the last time I really talked to Charlie. I feel and I would love to know from other parents. I am dying to know if you are listening to this podcast and you have three children or more or you know whatever. And you have an oldest that is a teenager. Just for reference point. My oldest is 14, my middle is 13, and youngest girl Charlie’s is 11, I feel like Olivia unintentionally monopolizes all of my time. Some of that is me needing to be liked by her. That is a very Jaime thing that I’m trying to work on. Seeking her approval. She’s an Aquarius. Her love language is acts of service. I constantly feel like I am in service to her to try to like earn her, like me, choose me. I’m the fun parent. It’s very detrimental. It’s destroying my mental health. But in that, I am seeing behaviors in Charlie, a new injury every day. That’s, you know, that’s very third child. You don’t have an injury, Charlie, but you do need my attention. And you want my attention and that’s what this is. And so I have been feeling very guilty. Very, that this stage of Olivia’s life requires so much from me. Or I’ve told myself that or I’ve literally just told myself that and like convinced myself of that to justify how much time I’m with her. But did like I feel like I have neglected Charlie. Not her basic needs obviously, she’s fed and she’s clothed and I tuck her in every night and we say prayers like not that but I feel like I have not had any real quality Time with Charlie. And that makes me very sad. She said to me, before a Covid, like maybe last week or the week before, I don’t remember when it was, but I remember I was putting her to bed. And I had said goodnight to Olivia. And there was a lot of talk in her room about parties and sleepovers and lists and things. You know, the conversation with Olivia went on for 15 minutes. And then I went into Max’s room. And by the time I got to Charlie’s room, to be honest with you, Jackson, I just wanted to go to bed. You know, and I kissed her goodnight. And I said, I love you very much sleep well. And she sat up and she said, wait, you spend so much time in Olivia’s room. And I was like, fuck, and I just like didn’t have it in me. And I sort of looked to the summer like, we’ll have the summer, you know. But truthfully, it isn’t a season that can fix that. It’s not like, oh, we’ll have Christmas break, we’ll have no, it’s like me. It doesn’t matter if it’s summer or whatever. It’s like me, I have to fix it. I have to prioritize the attention for each of my children. And how did you like, I asked you because you come from//
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I’m the third of four.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Me too. It’s probably why we’re so special. But did you feel that Kendra, favored or prioritized any children and be honest.
Jaxson
Yes, sort of, it kind of, looking back it was at the time is when I felt it more so, now looking back, it was probably pretty even.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Looking back, it was just a backache. Just kidding.
Jaxson
But, you know, the youngest, generally, in my understanding does get a lot of attention by nature of being the baby. So we would interpret that as whenever my younger brother Patrick would get attention. That was because he was the baby. Despite being two years younger than me. My sisters were both very active socially. And so there was a lot of investment in their social circles, whereas I was, I had friends, but I wasn’t like running for class president the way that they were and all sorts of stuff like that. Or Miss Auburn when you got to with American college. She ran for Miss Auburn. I don’t know if she won, but she did a whole thing where I think they adopted her like, measure anyway, just to get more and more doctors or nurses at the Student Health Center. I want to say that, if that’s not the case, cut that out. But it is hard. And the more kids you have, the harder it is. One thing I do remember that mom would do is we would have, like mom days individually where and it was even during the school year, she would check us out and we would go and do stuff with mom.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
You do remember those things. I’m so glad you told me that.
Jaxson
I don’t remember like, specifically what we did on any given day. No, but I know that it happened. That they did, that we did have individual days where it was like, the others are at school, but I’m with mom right now.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
You know, I think it’s really good for me to hear that. Because, I don’t sometimes again, when you’re in your own experience, you feel like it’s very linear. And like, you know, I grew up way too fast. My children are not growing up as fast.
Jaxson
Nor should they have to.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Although did I tell you? Did I tell you about the balls thing?
Jaxson
Oh, god. No.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
So, you know, the expression hot as balls? I said that. And Olivia was like, like, are they? And I was like, are they what? And she was like, I don’t know, like hot? I was like, well, I don’t have any. I think they probably are.
Jaxson
I think scientifically they are warmer than the rest of the body.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Oh, is that why we say hot as balls? Well, it was just really funny. And I just said to her like, do you know what that is? Because like, okay, well, excuse me. I didn’t know that.
Jaxson
I’m just saying she goes to school with boys. She’s aware that like they’ve got a pressure point where if you kick them they’re gonna hurt.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Yeah, but I guess I just didn’t realize that like you see your kids growing up in front of you, but you don’t realize what is the age or the day or place in time in which they understand the context of his balls.
Jaxson
Because it has to come from another student.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
[…] In a way in which now I’m sure it was prime me, like, let’s be honest, I was probably like, fuck your balls or whatever in my house and like my kids were like, okay, we get it. But the perspective of standing back and going Holy shit, my kid knows my baby understands balls in relation to like, a slang term about a man sex organ, or whatever it’s called, right?
Jaxson
Now she’s going to the high school.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I’m telling you, I am telling you, this child is in for a rude awakening, because she will not allow me to explain certain things to her. I have tried, and she’ll say, I’m leaving the room, or she’ll say, you’re weird. Or she’ll say, this is uncomfortable for me. Literally, all I said to her was do you actually know how babies come out? Like, I cannot have you walking through this world thinking like women are shitting them into pots. I need to and she was like, you’re weird. I don’t want to have this conversation. She walked out.
Jaxson
You should say like, either I tell you or Susie in Gym class is telling you and I’m going to be more accurate than she is.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Susie is telling you that you’re shitting them out in pots. And Max, every time I asked him anything. I’m like, buddy, do you know he’s like, he makes a face like, yeah, mom. And I’m just like, what?
Jaxson
He who thought the rock was Canadian knows everything there is to know about sex.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
By the way, my son did a project on Canada, then he corrects me. And he’s like, I got all the Canadians singers. He’s like, and I put my teachers favorite, Celine Dion. And I look and it says, like, Zipline Dijon? You didn’t even spell her name right, He’s like that, isn’t it? I’m like, no, and I’m concerned for you. If you thought Dion was Dijon, where did the J come from? But anyway, so now I’m in this transition stage of like, okay, I don’t get to say that like, this is a part of parenting that you’re not, it’s a bit of that like, relinquish control portion of the parenting program where you’re like, holy shit, I’m not in full control of their schedules anymore. Right? Because they’ve committed to a team. And they can’t be the only kid that so I had to go to like the coaches and say, listen, you can have my children for the month of June, but we’re going to New Jersey in July. Like this is what we’re doing.
Jaxson
Did they accept that?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
They did because I came in hot. I yield around that corner. Like I was on rails. And I came in on. They saw a jersey girl coming pointing her long jersey fingernails screaming about New Jersey, and they were like, got it. And this crazy time of how school starts the first week of August. Olivia start high school the first week of August.
Jaxson
It feels early.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
So, I feel inadequately prepared for this season. I don’t know if my kids are doing too much or not enough. I know I’m forgetting something. And I haven’t budgeted properly that’s a Jaime thing again, I’m starting to realize that 90% of my issue are Jaime problems. It’s not a time management thing. Well, it is, meaning it’s not like I have the same 365 days in a year that everybody else does. I have the same 24 hours in a day that everybody else does. I admittedly have been staring backward in my mental health for a little while. No depression, nothing like that. But I have gotten a little numb. And when I get to a numb place, because I’m manic right. So I have like extreme highs. I don’t really have extreme lows. Thank God. But I have periods of gray where I get very blah. And when I hit those periods of gray, I check out and then when I get a manic high, I cram, I’m sure you’ve gotten these like firestorm texts from me, did we do this? Did we check, you know? And all of a sudden, it’s like, where is this coming from? And that’s when I’ve hit like a manic high, where this summer lives or dies by my preparation. Because as we’ve talked about before, lack of preparation is what leads to anxiety. Right? So when you feel anxious about approaching, say, and then we’re talking about summer here, it’s because you haven’t prepared. That’s just the truth. And I am right now very ill prepared. I’ve been in a very gray area, certainly COVID has contributed to that. I haven’t written down anything. And you know, me, I write it, I put it in my phone, you put it in my phone, I write it in my family planner that I make. I decorated my calendar; I did the whole thing. I haven’t written one thing down. I feel very unprepared for summer. And that is giving me anxiety. And I feel like I am in a season of transition. Literally, you are looking for a new job. I am very excited for you. And you know that your biggest fan, I am so supportive. But it does add to the stress of summer. Because it’s everything feels very influx this season. This just feels like a huge summer for me, with Olivia transitioning Max going into the last year of middle school and Charlie starting middle school. It’s like, you know, I want them to have a great summer. I want to make good choices I need. There’s a difference between want and need. I need to make good financial choices.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I have hemorrhaged money over the last six months. I don’t know why. It’s reckless behavior again, Jaime issues. But summer is such a time for joy for kids. But it is such a time for stress for parents. Because if you still have to work, if you still have to budget, if you still have to plan, right? which most of us do. Like when your kids are in school, there’s not an expectation of release, joy, fun, downtime, right? But during summer, it’s like are you doing enough? Are they doing enough? Are they wearing some you know, I don’t know sunscreen, who the hell knows. It’s always like something. But we have the pool this year. Which is really nice. So you know, and the other thing too, is it’s tricky when one child and you spoke on this a little bit. And I know I’m a little bit all over the place. If you’re listening to this, I appreciate you. But it’s tricky when one child has a very full social calendar. And another child has a less full social calendar. There’s a lot of pressure on mom to make sure that everybody’s included and everybody’s having a good time. And there’s a lot of concern about the children that have less. You were saying one of your siblings said like was very popular had a lot going on.
Jaxson
Two of them were both sisters were like Natalie actually just did her 10 year reunion, just like 11 years because of COVID. So, it was because she was their senior class president is why she was responsible for that. And so she had all sorts of friends and knew everybody and I know a lot of her friends as a result to it. And Meredith was the same way she was a cheerleader and stuff. So of course there’s lots of popularity.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Did you have not residual popularity for being the brother of the hot girl. It is, right? So is it true that like boys just on a whole have a less full social calendar? Like should I be concerned that Max doesn’t have as much going on. Max doesn’t ever, he’s not like very rarely is he like, can I have a friend over like he’s just content. He’s just content like gaming or watching YouTube videos or shooting baskets outside or like, whatever, he’s not like..
Jaxson
I was in band. And then on the debate team, I had friends they’re certainly what they were not the ones where you had friends throughout the entire school as a result, especially when there’s a gender divide you don’t like hanging out the same way that I hang out with my brother and like I am like currently friends with the same with my brother’s friends but just because we’re that close, but it’s different.
Jaxson
As long as he’s happy being solitary.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
How do I know, Jaxson?
Jaxson
You gotta ask, do you want to have a friend over?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
I do and a lot of times like no, but like I don’t know now like I don’t know. I worry about him all the time. I don’t know how to read him. I feel like the happiness a lot of times is for me, like, here comes mom smile. Hi mom. Right? Because he just wants me to get out of the room so we could go back to gaming.
Jaxson
Well, the gaming, I’m an advocate for gaming as an art form, right?
Jaime Primak Sullivan
He has friends that he’s made on the games. And he’s always like, talking to them and they’re laughing
Jaxson
That is as the same as having a friend over in the 21st century.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Please explain it to me in a way that will come my fears that he’s not talking to the person from Taken and I’m gonna have to Liam Neeson him and fucking go.
Jaxson
Well, you do need to have very strict guidelines with who he’s allowed to talk to on the internet. Okay, but people have met spouses in World of Warcraft or like lifelong friends over the internet nowadays.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
That I believe. So you’re telling me and really like here what I’m asking. I will hear Max for two hours playing with this friend, this boy, that lives in Idaho or whatever I don’t know. And they look forward to getting on every day together. They’ll message he’ll be like, oh, Brandon’s on, can I go upstairs? You know, and he’ll run upstairs and he’ll be on it’ll be like, Brandon, didn’t you see me behind the door. Brandon move over here. I mean, we hear branding, or Dylan or whatever this kid’s name is like 150 times and he seems to be having so much fun.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
As long as we are 100% confident Brandon is the same age as him roughly and not some 45 year old dude. That’s great.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Okay, how do I discern that like how do I know.
Jaxson
He’s talking to him over voice chat? I don’t think, you can’t fake a kid’s voice.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Yeah, it’s definitely a kid
Jaxson
Yeah, and it’s Roblox, right? It’s kids game.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Well they Roblox, and they Fortnite.
Jaxson
I mean Fortnite, there are adults who play but I’m sure and I’m sure there’s adults who some adults who play Roblox but it’s..
Jaime Primak Sullivan
If you’re an adult playing Roblox. You need to fucking get off my house.
Jaxson
You need to talk to me about some better games.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
You’re trying to make a fucking glitter unicorn right now and treat it with some 8 year old on the internet. But I wanted to ask you a question because you just said something that really might absolve a lot of my concern. Okay. So when Max plays with Dylan, or whatever this kid’s name is when he plays with him for two hours. And then they fit. I’m like, alright, buddy, you gotta wrap it up to is that like a play date? Is that like?
Jaxson
Yeah, I think so. I think that counts. They’re playing, plays the same whether you’re in person or you’re playing a game. Play is an idea, right? It’s the idea of an activity that you’re, that’s not productive. That is just for your pure enjoyment. Okay, and that’s what he’s doing with Brandon or Dylan or what? That counts. Girls are just they don’t play games the same way that, some do. Certainly a lot do. But on the whole girls are less likely to play games, especially online ones.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
All right. Well, that actually really helped me because I was parenting right now and trying to discern whether your children are really happy while also by the way, if I’m being fucking honest, trying to discern whether you are really happy is fucking hard. Listen, guys, I really want to hear from you. For me, I don’t often ask, I asked for feedback a lot of times because I think it keeps the conversation going. But I am asking for feedback this time because I need it. How are you preparing for summer, I need your actual tips. I need to know the way you are budgeting; the way you are planning the types of things you are doing with your families that either have worked in the past or you’re really looking forward to or are cost efficient. What are ways that you are spending time with your children individually? Like Jaxson said, what are the days that the activities that you are doing? How are you dividing your time? Those of you that work full time, how are you doing that while planning your summer? Those of you that are cutting back on work, what is that going to feel like, how are we doing that? And you know, I just I need to know because I feel very unprepared for this summer. Very, and I don’t want to get into a space of gray. Again, I know I will again in my life but I’m coming out of one and I don’t want to go right back in one. So, please, share with me and thank you as always for listening to this episode and all the episodes thank you for following and subscribing and liking and sharing and all of the things I remember when you rate this podcast five stars if you love it, it helps put it in the queue for other people to find it and every time you tell someone Hey, listen to this great podcast. It means the world to us. So thank you as all the cameras shut off.
Jaxson
Yeah, also, go watch the trailer for Beast.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Yes, please. The trailer for my new movie which comes out August 19, Beast, starring Idris Elba, created by me produced by me, yay. And a great team of people by the way. The trailer is out now. It’s running before Jurassic Park. It’s running before Nope. It’s running before all these great movies. If you love survival thrillers, if you love Aegis Elba or if you just love me, you will love this movie. I am going to plan a really fun screening in New Jersey and also one in Birmingham. Maybe you guys could plan one in your city. I would love that. Anyway, yes, thank you, Jaxson for reminding me. But on behalf of Jaxson and myself, thank you. Yes. Thank you for listening. We love you guys so much. And we’ll be back next week with a new episode.
Jaime Primak Sullivan
Let’s Tawk is a Lemonada Media Original. Our producer is Xorje Olivares. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Jamie Primak Sullivan. Mix and scoring is by Veronica Rodriguez. Music is by Dan Molad. Please help others find the show by rating and reviewing wherever you listen. Catch my series Cawfee Tawk on the Jaime Primak Sullivan Facebook page. I’m also on Twitter at @JaimePrimak, and on Instagram at @JaimePSullivan. And follow at @LemonadaMedia across all social platforms. If you want more Let’s Tawk, visit Lemonada Premium only on Apple podcasts.
