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For actress, comedian and singer Margaret Cho, being 50 is hot. And she’s here to tell us how we can all feel the same way. Not only is she taking better care of herself these days but she’s also tapping into her goddess energy. So much so that people are paying attention! And she says she owes a lot of this midlife energy to menopause. With hormones no longer ruling her life, she is free to be who she wants to be. She tells us how that evolution happened. Plus, the rituals she does to honor her age, what she’s addressing in her new stand-up special Live and Livid and what we can all do to make daily meditation work for us.

Follow Margaret Cho on Instagram @margaret_cho

You can follow our host Reshma Saujani @reshmasaujani on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/reshmasaujani/?hl=en

Let us know how you’re doing in midlife! You can submit your story to be included in this show at speakpipe.com/midlife

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To follow along with a transcript, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/ shortly after the air date.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Reshma Saujani, Margaret Cho

Reshma Saujani  00:14

Welcome to My So Called Midlife, a podcast where we figure out how to stop just getting through it and start actually living it. I’m Reshma Saujani. So every week I do a little something that honors this current era of my life. I realized as I was entering midlife, that to go up, I needed to go in like I was just yearning for a spiritual exploration. So I got myself a monk. And every two weeks, no matter what is going on in my life, I have a standing meeting with razanath, and we spent an hour not talking about how to crush that goal or fix that thing, but just talking about the things I’m curious about, talking about life, how to live and lead a better life, a more joyful life, and this ritual helps me just be a little kinder to me and all of the other changes that are happening to my mind and my body. So today’s guest, Margaret Cho is the queen of rituals. She’s got this easy, confident, almost like, joyful, approach to aging. In talking to her, I was so inspired. Margaret is a queer icon and a comedy legend. I was literally just talking to a friend about how I rented Margaret’s comedy special, Notorious Cho, literally in 2002 at Blockbuster. And today she’s still at it. She’s performing a live show called Live and livid, which is her way of fighting back against sexism, homophobia and racism. And here’s the thing, she is having so much damn fun in her fifth decade. You’ve probably seen her in recent films like Fire Island or Cora Bora, and she’s even a musician. She’s a woman who composes her own music. I mean, come on, Margaret is well versed in making light out of the hard parts of life, and it just made this conversation refreshing and authentic. Hey, Margaret, how are you I’m good. How are you good? If you’re down, I’ll get into it. And I just want to say I think the first show of yours that I saw was Notorious Cho, 2002 and it was awesome.

 

Margaret Cho  04:25

So thank you.

 

Reshma Saujani  04:26

Huge fan. My husband’s like, what you’re talking to, Margaret? I’m like, yes, I am. So I’m a fan.

 

Margaret Cho  04:33

Thank you.

 

Reshma Saujani  04:34

Okay, so Margaret, on this show, we’ve been talking about midlife mindset and, like, if I’m honest, it literally varies for everyone. Some folks are like, best fucking time in my life. Some people are like, worst time in my life. Where do you land? What’s your midlife mindset?

 

Margaret Cho  04:51

Oh, I love it. I’m having the best time. I really am so amazed at how much better my life is. Like, it’s great. I’m really happy.

 

Reshma Saujani  05:03

Is there anything you’ve discovered, like in your 50s that like has been a total like game changer?

 

Margaret Cho  05:10

Well, that you can actually be single and happy and also have intimate relationships that don’t require marriage or cohabitation, that don’t require the emotional labor that kind of consisted of most of my romantic relationships up until probably the age of 48 you know that we’re really unhappy because I followed the game plan of you meet somebody, you start dating, you, you’re like together, and then you get married, like it’s always been terrible. So now I feel very fortunate to kind of create my own sort of plan around that, which also includes long periods of not having any sort of intimacy whatsoever, which is also great. So I love it.

 

Reshma Saujani  06:02

What about friendships, though? Because I’m gonna let you Margaret, but I found, especially recently, like, I’m shedding more friends, yeah, like it’s actually harder to sustain friendships. Do you find that too?

 

Margaret Cho  06:15

That’s true. But also with comedians, we form these lifelong bonds with other comedians that are really like, they lapse for many years, where we don’t see each other for years, and then we come back together and we resume. So it’s like, there’s people that I don’t see on a daily basis, but I’m very close to and maintain that friendship through texting or calling or whatever. And then there’s like, of course, my core group of friends that I see really often, but I mean, I think that in general, with friendships, I don’t meet as many new people to be friends with.

 

Reshma Saujani  06:54

Yes, me too. Like, I haven’t had a new friend in like, years. Like, actually, I did make a new friend, but it’s harder. And I don’t know if it’s about like, not having time, or like, you know, the intimacy that you have to get to to really, it’s like the friendships where, like, you don’t have to talk, you can just exist, whereas when you make a new friend, like, I feel like you still have to entertain them.

 

Margaret Cho  07:15

Right, I mean, I don’t know, like, I actually have a couple of new friends with it. We do a meditation group where we actually get together to not talk. I love so that that’s what I need to do. Yeah, meditation is a huge part of my life, and so I actually will I have social gatherings where we don’t speak at all, and that kind of fosters a really intense intimacy that to me, that’s really so powerful and really rewarding.

 

Reshma Saujani  07:42

I have a pro tip question about meditation. So for me, you know how they’re like, let the thoughts come in. Like, that’s normal. Like, the thoughts always come in, right? And, like, a minute I’m, like, planning, like, what I need to what groceries that I need to buy, or, like, what my mom did that, like, really pissed me off, right? Like, it’s like, how has that as you’ve gotten better at it and you’ve practiced more, like, has that shifted? Does that shift? Do I need to just stick with it?

 

Margaret Cho  08:07

Yeah, just stick with it, because that’s going to happen no matter what, because our minds are geared to work. So meditation is like guiding it back to a point of reference, like, whatever that is, you know, whatever’s happening. Like, you just guide it back. So when you start to have the thought, try to start engaging with, I’m not going to do the planning like I start to have the thought where you even, if it’s like, oh, I’m going to put together a shopping list, put things back on the shelf, like, in your mind, that in itself, is a kind of meditation.

 

Reshma Saujani  08:42

Oh, that’s so wild. Oh, I’m gonna try that. Like, so like, when I started like, Oh, I did my apple, and then fish sticks, it’s like, I actually see the apple. And put it back.

 

Margaret Cho  08:51

Yeah, put it back. And kind of think about the weight of it and what it feels like in your hand, and put it back onto the stack of apples, and then put it back. Put things back like that. It works. And part of that is like, Oh, I’m actually going to actively dismantle all these thoughts, and then that, in itself, is a separation from your thoughts. So that’s a handy trick in meditation to use.

 

Reshma Saujani  09:16

Oh, I’m gonna try that like today. It works. It’s weird. Oh, I love that. Okay, you said something that I just loved you said, so everybody wants you in your 50s, and you are very sought after. I have found that I’m getting more romantic attention now than ever in my life, including in my early 20s, which is saying a lot. I think there’s a kind of grace that we have that’s irresistible to people of all ages. It’s pretty phenomenal. Like, do you really have more game in your 50s?

 

Margaret Cho  09:47

Yes, but it’s also I have less energy to to run it to completion, you know, like, I have less patience as well to kind of see things through in terms. Just appeal, or people kind of coming over, being interested, or whatever. Yes, for sure, there’s a lot of people of all ages, like in their 20s and older, less interest from the other side, less interest for people in their 60s and 70s but definitely.

 

Reshma Saujani  10:17

Fascinating, right? It’s like, it’s true, it’s like younger men are like, damn, or women are like, damn.

 

Margaret Cho  10:23

Yeah, for sure. Get it totally like, it’s like, very, it’s Daddy, like zaddy. Like daddy likes, very zaddy. We get to appeal that we are all very, yeah, we’re all, we’re all Brad Pitt in the end.

 

Reshma Saujani  10:40

But here’s the thing, I feel like when I feel like, oh, I look good, I feel good, like I’m crushing it. I have my swag. I can literally walk down the street and I feel the buzz right? Like, you’re like, I guess that’s the zazadi. But I know that, like, like, I could turn it on. But I think for a lot of women, they don’t know how to turn it on, because they’re so stuck in the fact that, like, no one looks at me. So how do you like turn that switch on?

 

Margaret Cho  11:05

I don’t know, like, I think it’s just it comes from like feeling good, and kind of feeling like, oh, I would like to feel like energized, and feel like sexually potent, you know, and enjoying it. It could be like a color theory too. Like, for me, red is kind of a power color, like, whether it’s like red lipstick or even red eyeshadow, something about that. Like, you know, there’s just something about stepping into the power. It’s a decision that we make. You know, you can hide from it, or you can really step into the light of it.

 

Reshma Saujani  11:40

And I think what you’re saying is it’s not about the intention of an actual right of doing anything about it. It’s the feeling that you get.

 

Margaret Cho  11:48

Yeah, and just enjoying that feeling and enjoying the celebration of that, you know, stepping into the energy of that, is that what Queen energy is, yeah, it’s Queen energy. It’s divine energy. It’s like, you know, I love old movies, and I love like, Marilyn Monroe and how she was just sort of walking in this sort of Goddess energy. And I feel like there’s a light there that everybody can benefit from.

 

Reshma Saujani  12:13

And you’ve gotten to like that. You take care of your physical health now, right? You said, like in your 50s, you’re drinking green juice, you’re exercising, your gardening, your bird watching, yes, and you know, part of what you talked about is like that you have struggled with depression over the years. And like the your 20s, like so many of us, were so damn hard because we could not we didn’t feel like we fit in. And now in many people turn to alcohol and drugs as a way to kind of just numb that sense of of difference in alienation, and now it’s like, your 50s, you’re like, forget it, like, I don’t care. And that’s really created, like this abundance in many ways, of like, pursuit of of health. How did you get there?

 

Margaret Cho  12:54

Well, I mean, I have had a lot of trial and error using medication for depression. I’ve been in a lot of therapy. What many different kinds of therapy, whether it’s group therapy or EMDR or just a talk therapy or, you know, utilize trying to use different psych meds to get there. But I I never found that perfect solution. And so I realized vigorous exercise combined with meditation combined with these, like, you know, different sort of, like, healing communities that I’m part of, as well as taking care of my animals and my home. And, you know, there’s a lot of things that my work is a huge part of it. So my my day begins, like, really early. And I have like, a bunch of, like, different kinds of readings that I do for my mental health. And then I have my meditation, and then I write a joke, one joke, every day, really, every day, as part of my meditation, I have one I can’t leave the sort of mat until I write that one joke.

 

Reshma Saujani  13:57

And can you tell me what joke you wrote Today?  Yeah, let me see what. I can’t wait.

 

Margaret Cho  14:01

I have to see what I wrote today. I can’t remember it. Oh, is this about strap on dildos? It’s in addition to another joke that I wrote about it, because I think the strap on doesn’t really hit, because there’s something about it that doesn’t quite replicate Dick like because I love the snickers vein and so but then there’s an area that the joke I wrote to add to it was the strap does hit with while you’re wearing it, because when you’re wearing it, you’re not contributing to the patriarchy, and that is really hot. So you’re like, using it and like, my our bodies, our choice. Hell, yeah. So that was this morning.

 

Reshma Saujani  14:41

I love it. I love that ritual every morning, one joke.

 

Margaret Cho  14:44

Just one and it doesn’t have to be funny and it doesn’t have to be good and it doesn’t have to be used, but I just have to, after all of the sort of spiritual work or whatever that I do in the morning, that’s the last so it’s sort of the punctuation of it, like, okay, here it is, the one thing. Sometimes it’s like. Just like an idea, but it can grow into something else. So that’s just for me.

 

Reshma Saujani  15:16

You’ve been so open about the upside of aging. You started with that, like, this is freaking great. And I want to read a quote from you, because I really think it’s like perfection. So I really love menopause. And I think that people have this idea about menopause being somehow the end or it’s over, but no, it’s just the beginning. It’s another puberty where you really come into a space of becoming yourself, and it’s never framed that. Tell me more about this new beginning for you.

 

Margaret Cho  18:31

Well, I love it like I am really also enjoying hormone replacement therapy. You know, I take estrogen, I take progesterone, I take testosterone, and it’s really helped me manage this sort of physical symptoms of what menopause can be, and also pick and choose what I want and I don’t want, you know, and really I also understand now so much of my quote, unquote, fertility was really bringing me the most problems, that my hormones were more in charge of my choices than I was, and now I’m in charge of, like, finding out what hormones I need and using them to the degree that I need them. And I just love that.

 

Reshma Saujani  19:13

So now basically having control over your hormones, like, what are you doing now that you weren’t doing before? Like, what’s the freedom that having that type of control has given you?

 

Margaret Cho  19:24

Well, I’m just very adamant about choosing the people that I want to be with, like, choosing the experiences that I want to have, creating those boundaries around those experiences, and I think hormonally before I was drawn to like, oh, well, I better, you know, stay with this romantic relationship, because they really want this. And what am I going to do if I’m alone, like, and I would just be coerced into full blown marriages that I didn’t want to be in, you know, because I was, like, so afraid, like, oh, but, you know, if I don’t hang on to. Person I might be alone. What if I die alone like that? The fear of dying alone was so terrifying for you. Was so terrifying. But now I’m like, so excited to like, I’m like, that’s great.

 

Reshma Saujani  20:13

Did you think that you came to that though through menopause?

 

Margaret Cho  20:17

Yeah, I think it was menopause. It was the cessation of this hormones that were, like, keeping me up with this idea that I had a biological imperative to nest and create more, or whatever that is, you know, like, I still thought I had to, like, have a family. I think that was, like, all hormonal. It was never a real decision that I wanted to make for myself.

 

Reshma Saujani  20:39

That’s fascinating. So what do you say to women who don’t want to get married or who don’t want to have kids and also don’t want to feel bad about that decision?

 

Margaret Cho  20:47

Yeah, nobody should feel bad about it.  Why have children if you don’t want it, like the huge undertaking of making people you can do it or not. It’s a choice. Some people feel like they are born to do it, and they’re the people that should have children, but those of us who just don’t want to, shouldn’t have to, and we should feel fine about that. I feel totally fine about that. It’s not selfish. It’s selfish to have children like just so because people say you should and then not enjoy it, you know, then you’re depriving. I would never inflict myself on a child like  I don’t want to do that to any kid like that would be the worst. So I would rather not have to deal with it.

 

Reshma Saujani  21:32

Yeah. I think the point is, right, having giving women the choice, right to decide when, if. How do you think menopause has helped with your mental health.

 

Margaret Cho  21:42

Yes, greatly, because I think that the constant like, push and pull of like, the hormonal shifts over the month and not remembering that, oh, it’s PMS, I just think I’m suicidal. Like, you know, like, I was like, How come every month I want to kill someone or myself, and I, I would be like, Oh, it’s always then I get my period, and then it’s like, oh, that thing of like, not having that and that, that, like, is so amazing. There’s just cycles that happen throughout the month, especially now with my HRT and stuff. But it’s so manageable, it’s so different.

 

Reshma Saujani  22:21

It’s so true. It’s so I never know. Like, why am I so angry, or why am I so unhappy? Or, why did that thing that my kid said, My husband said, my colleague said, she’s like, take me to zero to 100 Yeah? And I feel like I’m like, you know, my husband sometimes calls me Decepticon because he’s like, your face is always like, your eyebrows are going in. And it’s true, I feel that way. I’m always just a little fucking annoyed, yeah, and or a lot annoyed. And I know it’s the perimenopause.

 

Margaret Cho  22:51

Right, it’s weird because it’s but we don’t identify it as that, because we’re just so used to being ruled by our hormones that it’s hard to see. Oh, this is actually just a function of the hormones.

 

Reshma Saujani  23:02

I did do a little testosterone this morning on my arms. I’m really excited to see, like, what the impact of that’s gonna be.

 

Margaret Cho  23:08

Yeah, it’s energizing, and it’s, you know, to use little bits like the way that we do and I worked it out with my doctor, so I get, like, compounded testosterone, and it really helps so much. So, you know, like we we can definitely get so much from gender affirming care.

 

Reshma Saujani  23:29

Absolutely. Um, did you ever talk to your mom about menopause?

 

Margaret Cho  23:32

Well, my mom and all of her friends and sisters, they all got hysterectomies, like, right after they had like, two or three kids, like, my mom had two kids, and she had a hysterectomy in the 70s, and some of them had them in the 60s. So they were, like, experiencing menopause so accelerated. They don’t, they’ll have, I don’t have a frame of reference. Like, my family history with menopause is really, like, totally limited.

 

Reshma Saujani  23:59

Why were they getting hysterectomies? That was that something that was happening in the 70s?

 

Margaret Cho  24:03

I don’t know what it is, it was just, like, a weird trend medically that was just sort of like encouraged. Seemed like it was under the guise of, like, well, you don’t need to have any more kids. This is some freedom. But then they also didn’t go on hormone replacement therapy. They just kind of had an accelerated menopause, which was so, like, fast and like, just take the whole thing out, and then you’re just now not dealing with it at all.

 

Reshma Saujani  24:28

Yeah, my mother this weekend, she was listening to my menopause episode my sister, and she’s like, I don’t know what the big deal is. Everybody goes through it, right? Like, it’s that perspective that, like, you just suffer through it. Like, what’s the big deal? Like, what are you complaining about? And I feel like that’s very Indian, you know, in our culture, but did you have conversations with her, though, or no, they just.

 

Margaret Cho  24:48

No, because we just don’t talk about it. Like, though, Korean ways is you don’t, you don’t address it at all. Yeah. Indian way, the same. I remember, uh, my dad and I, this is like, in the 80s, where one. Watching Oprah, and it was about childhood sexual abuse and women coming forward to talk about it. And he got so mad. He’s like, what do these people have to talk about it now it’s over. It’s done with that sort of like, silence is just to him, was like, the norm, like.

 

Reshma Saujani  25:20

Oh, of course, we were all abused. So, right, that’s just what happens.

 

Margaret Cho  25:23

Yeah, why is it such a big deal? I mean, sometimes whiteness can bring privilege like that to us, like where people are talking about childhood abuse, and that comes from a privilege, and that comes from whiteness, where people are like, Hey, I deserve to talk about my pain. And that is, I think, actually a white idea, which works.

 

Reshma Saujani  25:41

Do you think the older though you’ve gotten with him, have your conversations with him changed? Because I assume back then you were, like, you didn’t say anything, right? Like, so now.

 

Margaret Cho  25:49

Now, we just don’t talk about it, because it’s gonna be a fight, because you’ll still fight with me. You know, they’re both still my parents are pretty feisty about keeping the status quo, even though they’re like, so proud of me and so happy I’ve accomplished what I’ve been able to do, and couldn’t imagine it ever happening and tell everybody who their daughter is, they always talk about who their daughter is. They’re still, like, rigid about things like they don’t want to talk about any of these subjects that I actually do in my comedy too. I talk a lot about different things like this, and they get really, like, uncomfortable. But, you know.

 

Reshma Saujani  26:26

Do they sit there and listen to you talk about, like, oral sex and all, yeah, that?

 

Margaret Cho  26:31

But they turn their hearing aids down there. They take them off completely, and my mom, just like that, leaves her hearing aid at home. She’s like, I don’t hate I get I forgot, which is fine.

 

Reshma Saujani  26:43

I know it’s their way. My parents are exactly the same.

 

Reshma Saujani  26:59

I want to quickly. Talk about your childhood. I’m 49 I also grew up like, in like, a white working class neighborhood, not a lot of brown people highly aware of, like, my name being Reish mom, my mother wearing a sari and a bindi on her neck and eating, like, chapatis and curry. Like it was post Vincent Chin, right? Like it’s like there was, like, I felt I was so aware of my brownness, and if I was honest, I hated it. I wanted to just be white. I just wanted to be like everybody else and just fit in. I feel like we grew up in a similar way.

 

Margaret Cho  30:32

Oh, totally like the crushing disappointment that I couldn’t have blonde ringlets. It was an existential crisis that I’m still fighting. Like I really, like I was so angry to not be white, like as a child, like I just couldn’t comprehend it even like it was a very it wasn’t even like I had the wherewithal to understand what that internalized racism was I just was so disappointed by it. And I mean, I still am, yeah.

 

Reshma Saujani  31:06

Are you still fighting it?

 

Margaret Cho  31:07

I’m still fighting it. But also I know that’s just whiteness as a weapon used against myself.

 

Reshma Saujani  31:13

So to me, I think when I was younger, like, Sweet Valley High, like, that was really, those books were really triggering, right? It was so much of my identity I felt in the way I looked. And I think the older I’ve gotten, I’m like, I recognize that with sometimes, with all the talents and the blessings that we have, it’s harder doing those things as like a brown girl, like, it’s harder blowing up this podcast as a as a brown woman, like, it’s just a fact, right? So it’s like, where do you feel like now, in your midlife you’re fighting that right now?

 

Margaret Cho  31:49

Well, I mean, I think that it’s really, it comes back to the election again. Kamala should have won, but the fact that she didn’t is really a testament to how racist this country is, how sexist this country is, you know, whiteness has now been again codified as this is the standard that we want to live up to. This is this? This is what we want, you know? And of course, that’s false, you know. And I have a joke about it in my comedy, like these white these white supremacists just don’t look supreme, because that family tree needs branches. They’re so inbred. It’s so inbred. And also, as a woman, in Korean culture, I don’t matter there either. Like a non, not thin, not particularly like K drama, pretty. I don’t matter in Korean culture at all, and I’m not married, I’m gay, there’s all these things that like make me not matter in Korean culture. So I can’t go back to a place that feels like a homeostasis, like, oh, okay, I belong. So it’s a very confusing thing, but also that makes it good to write about. You know, when I’m conscious of that, then I realized, oh, I’m actually lucky to be who I am and where I am.

 

Reshma Saujani  33:04

So your latest stand up is live and livid, and you’re talking about homophobia, sexism, racism. You’re also celebrating 40 years of stand up. I mean, that is just after the election. People like, do we march? Do we not march? And there was really this consensus of, like, No, we create, we build, yeah. And so I feel like your show is a part of that.

 

Margaret Cho  33:26

Yeah.

 

Reshma Saujani  33:27

How have people been responding?

 

Margaret Cho  33:29

It’s been great. People have been really appreciative. It’s been really cathartic, I think, for all of us. And yeah, it’s time to create. And I definitely want to March. I want to bring back protest and bring back these ideas that we have always needed peaceful protest, we’ve always needed marches. We’ve always needed to demonstrate that I exist and I have right to be here. So, you know, I think that’ll come but right now is a great time to create.

 

Reshma Saujani  34:01

Yeah, and have people become build community, and have people also laugh and feel joyful. I do think people are tired.

 

Margaret Cho  34:09

Yeah, or disappointed and really discouraged, by the way that racism and sexism is so much a part of the American way. Homophobia is so much a part of the American way. And it doesn’t have to be.

 

Reshma Saujani  34:25

It doesn’t have to be at all. You are a tireless performer, like, you’re always out there, and you’re like, fighting, you know, for people and to make our world a better place. Like, do you ever rest? How do you take care of yourself?

 

Margaret Cho  34:40

Oh, yeah, I rest. I love the new Gen Z bed, rotting trend.

 

Reshma Saujani  34:45

Oh, tell me, why am I not doing this? Oh, I’ll be sitting in bed and doing nothing.

 

Margaret Cho  34:49

Yeah, doing nothing, or scrolling or watching TV, or I like to read. I just lay there and read. And I have my three cats and my dog, and they all lay on my. Body. We just lay there.

 

Reshma Saujani  35:01

Oh, I love it.

 

Margaret Cho  35:02

And I love it, like, I really love just not doing anything. So, you know, I have, like, sort of the physical activity they do, my work, and then my friends and all that kind of stuff. But then I just love to lay.

 

Reshma Saujani  35:12

Wait, how often do you bedrot? Because I want to start doing this too.

 

Margaret Cho  35:15

A couple times a week, if I can.

 

Reshma Saujani  35:18

For like, a whole day, or for like, 4, 3 – 4, hours?

 

Margaret Cho  35:20

Three or four hours, like, a good time to bed. Rot is like at night, like, so I’ll go, I’ll go to bed at like, eight. I love it. I’ll lay in bed like, you know, and just do everything from there. Like, I think it’s really healing. So, yeah, I love an early bedtime.

 

Reshma Saujani  35:35

Oh, I love it. Early bedtime. I go to 8:30 so nice. You know what I also been doing that makes me feel a little guilty, but good. It’s like, I’ve been watching like, 20 minutes or 30 minutes of a show. Like, in the middle of the day, I’ll just, like, put on diplomat. I’m like, This is my right. Like, I’m gonna rest and chill.

 

Margaret Cho  35:54

Yeah, I love it. Like, I’ll do, like, a whole day, if I have not working, I’ll do a whole day of a K drama, you know.

 

Reshma Saujani  36:01

Oh, I get you girl. Bollywood movies are like my guilty pleasure.  Oh, yeah. I think they remind me of, like, childhood, right? It’s like, it’s this little sense, I could always cry. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I think I do, like, it’s, I have to, you know, it’s great, so great. It’s so great. Okay, so how can we better celebrate aging? And you know what was one of the first times you realized this was an era to celebrate, and what about the moment made you realize that?

 

Margaret Cho  36:28

Well, I mean, I think I just got tired of the narrative of people being like, scared to age, or like being upset that they’ve aged, or like, really looking back at their younger selves, like it was somehow better, and that really was, like, a negative way to look, because we’re just, if we’re alive, we’re just gonna get older. So why don’t I just enjoy that? And then I always thought about I had relationships with older people when I was really young, like sexual relationships, and how much I loved it, like I really loved older people, like when I was younger, and so I thought of the Majesty they sort of embodied. And I was like, well, now I’m that, so why can’t I just enjoy that? So I think, you know, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be in regards to other people, you can just enjoy the majesty of aging as you are.

 

Reshma Saujani  37:24

I also think it’s like putting yourself in the mix. I went to a nightclub. It was a little embarrassing because, like, in the line was like, a couple of like, My Girls Who Code students. They’re like, Oh my God. I’m like, This is embarrassing. But when I went in, I’m like, they’re playing the same 90s hip hop that I loved, and I had so much fun. And I think the other thing is, oftentimes, we’re scared of spaces that we think we’ve aged out of, yeah, and then putting ourselves in those spaces. Are there any other like rituals or things that you do to kind of embrace that celebration?

 

Margaret Cho  37:54

Well, I think it’s just enjoying things like skincare, enjoying things like almost ritualize it, like it’s like I do my skincare, not for anti aging, like I do it because I just want to celebrate feeling good in my skin. All this stuff that I do, it’s like reframing the language around it. I’m doing this to celebrate what is here.

 

Reshma Saujani  38:20

And be in the moment of my age rather than rewind it, right? You’re 55 you got.

 

Margaret Cho  38:26

Yeah, I have a couple of weeks. I’ll be in 10 days or 11 days. I’ll be 56.

 

Reshma Saujani  38:31

What do you want to do in this decade? Like, what’s left? Like, what are you looking forward to?

 

Margaret Cho  38:35

Fight Jake Paul. I want to. I want to. I don’t know. Like I would love, I don’t know, how about like, Sports Illustrated cover that would be great.

 

Reshma Saujani  38:45

All right, let’s put it out of the universe, burger show, Sports Illustrated.

 

Margaret Cho  38:49

All that kind of stuff. I’m not sure I did my first nude scene in a movie was called Cora Bora with the wonderful mixed alter she and I were it was very interesting, because I’ve never done a nude scene in a film, and this was, like the first one, so it was hilarious. And we laughed the whole thing, and you had fun, or you’re embarrassed. I had the best time. I was really laughing. It was really great. So I loved it. So I think that kind of stuff, like showing my body off, like whatever that is what of that means, just enjoying that. I have a music album coming out in February called Lucky gift, which is music that I composed, and this was the first time that I’ve actually like composed and played music on so I’ve made music records. This is my third one, but I’m excited about that. So, you know, love a pop career, we’ll see.

 

Reshma Saujani  39:42

There’s so many, oh, my God, you could be like the next k pop star.

 

Margaret Cho  39:45

Yeah. That’d be great.

 

Reshma Saujani  39:46

It’s amazing. Well, this was such a wonderful treat. Thank you for such an awesome conversation. And hope everyone sees your show, and this was awesome.

 

Margaret Cho  39:54

Thank you.

 

CREDITS  40:08

Margaret Cho is an actress, a singer and a comedian, and you can check out her most recent stand up right now she’s on tour. It’s called live and live it. She’s also just released a new single, Lucky gift. Her music is so dope. Remember, this can be your queen, king, daddy, whatever you want it to be. You are not too old. See you all next week. There’s more of My So Called Midlife with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like midlife advice that didn’t make it into the show. Subscribe now in Apple podcast, I’m your host, Reshma Saujani, our producer is Claire Jones. This series is sound designed by Ivan Kuraev. Our theme was composed by Ivan Kuraev, and performed by Ryan Jewell, Ivan Kuraev and Karen […]. Our senior supervising producer is Kristen Lepore. Our VP of new content is Rachel Neel. Executive Producers include me, Reshma Saujani, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Series consulting and production support from Katie Cordova. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review and let us know how you’re doing in midlife. You can submit your story to be included in the show at speakpipe.com/midlife, follow My So Called Midlife, wherever you get your podcast, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership, thanks for listening. See you next week, bye.