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Sarah sings a little ditty about her neck. She also ponders fecal references, explains why hugs are more hygienic than handshakes, and helps a lesbian caller whose wife is transitioning.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Quinn, Eric, Sender 7, Sarah Silverman, CJ, Amy, Michelle, Byron Jones, Victor, Sender 1

Sarah Silverman  00:00

Hey, everyone, it’s your old pal, Sarah. I want to be, especially when talking to you all, very body positive, and I love my body. I’m happy with the skin suit I’ve been given. I’m not gonna lie, as Betty Davis said, getting old is not for sissies, and I see it in my neck and my jawline, whatever, and I I’m too afraid to get a face lift, but I do dream about it, because all I can think about is how we reupholster i I’ve reupholstered so much of my furniture that I’ve had forever. Why not my face? But I’m too scared to do it, especially because I think they like detach or like muscles in your throat. And if you know me at all, you know that I’m very weary of my neck, like, Why isn’t there bone here? There’s so much in here. Anyway, I listened to a song from the Sarah Silverman program album, which is from one of the episodes, has something like pillows in the title. I can’t remember where I I get hit in the neck with a Frisbee, and I’m hosting a children’s show. This sounds like a fever dream, but and then I sing a song about next, and it has a line in it, like, next should have protection next, sir, something like, would it have been too much to ask? Could God have put more bump? Would it have been […]

 

Sarah Silverman  03:20

I’m singing to kids […] for bones in next Tuesday. Oh, would it have killed God to put more bones in them than none? I was laughing last night.

 

Amy  03:40

One of my favorite rants you do is like in olden time, ease, what’s the number one cause of death? Throat slits, head chopped off.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:50

Headings, I know in Game of Thrones, everyone’s wearing armor, head to toe, nothing, nothing between the chin and the collar bone. And then they get their heads chopped off. Why don’t we have bone? Here we have bone. Our rib cage protects our heart in our lungs, our skull protects our neck. I mean, our brain nothing but soft tissue. Here, I’ve always had a neck thing, like when I worked at Saturday Night Live, someone told me that, you know, no one knew my name. I was only there one year, and they just said, like the girl with the scarf, because I always had a black scarf around my neck, because I just feel like I need it covered. Even as a kid, I needed it covered. That was not what I was aiming to talk about. But anyway, my neck in pictures, whatever, I’m very aware of my neck looking wrinkly, old. It’s so fucking stupid. So then I go, I’m just gonna, whenever I think about it, I’m gonna say, I love my neck. I mean, Nora Ephron wrote a whole book about it. I think it’s literally titled, I hate my neck, which I never understood. And of course, now I do, and you will too one day. But anyway, I wrote some. Down, right? Because I go, I love my neck. I love my neck. It keeps me alive. It keeps in all my parts. And then I just thought I love my neck so much that I bought it a whole bunch of scarves as a gift. I just don’t know how to wear them. All right, that was a good story.

 

Sender 1  05:34

Hi, Sarah, I was wondering I know you have been in a lot of or spent a lot of your adult life in long term relationships, and I was wondering if you could speak to how do you know when is the right time to end a relationship and to stop trying to see If it’s salvageable? I know that that question is different for everyone, and it’s a very hard question to answer, but I was just wondering if you could speak to your personal experience with that and give me some of your insight. Love your show. Love you. Thank you so much, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:23

That’s a great question, and I’m not positive how to answer it. I think when you finally get out of an unhealthy relationship, you will likely look back at the months or weeks or years you were together and see many, many, many red flag moments where you go, why didn’t I leave, then, why didn’t I leave, then, well, you left now, and that’s what’s great. But it doesn’t seem like anyone gets out of a relationship too early. If that’s an answer, you know, like, how many times are you gonna keep trying to fix something? First of all, both of you need to want to do the work to salvage a relationship, or else get out. You know, it isn’t something one person or relationship can do? You have to both do it together. You can’t trick someone into fixing a relationship. You can only take care of your side of the street of things, you know, if you’re not both participating and trying to make this not just the status quo. It already is in if you’re not both on board with that, get out. I mean, listen, I have people in my life that are in awful relationships, and they consciously are not going to leave this relationship. They would rather be with someone that they don’t respect, don’t love, aren’t happy with the partnership. All the things that you should you really have to leave, reasons to leave because they just they’re not going to do it, because they will not be alone. And that just breaks my heart. So the best thing you can do for yourself is love being alone and love being in your own company, and be brave enough to be alone, because otherwise you’re staying in a relationship. Oftentimes that is not feeding you, is not making your life better than if you weren’t in the relationship, you know, but sometimes we’re not ready. I got out of relationships so late I was kicking myself for the years I put into it, and my therapist said, like it wasn’t time you had more to learn from that relationship, whatever you need to believe, to not be bitter about what you haven’t done or what you didn’t do, because there’s no reason to whether it’s true or not. Oh, you hadn’t learned all you needed to learn, or whatever. Think the most positive thing about it because you’re not getting that time back, and to be regretful of it is such a waste of even more time, that’s all you know. I, that’s all I I’m not so I don’t know anything about your relationship. Maybe it’s giving you something you you need. But don’t stay because you’re you don’t want to have one uncomfortable conversation, or because you’re afraid of being alone, just if you just be brave, you will always be glad, and if you regret it, maybe you’ll get back together, I don’t know, but just keep your instinct, trust your gut, and just like sometimes an uncomfortable situation, an uncomfortable conversation, you have to have. Keeps you in a relationship longer. And for me, like, the way to get out of it, the way to like, just do it, is to just be like a passenger in your body while your body’s taking care of it. Like, just kind of watch yourself deal and don’t be in the emotion of it. I mean, I guess that’s just total disassociation. Sometimes there’s healthy disassociation where you just kind of watch yourself get the uncomfortable thing done, and then you can join your body in peace once it’s over. It’s just you’re too, like, worried about how they’re feeling, or, you know, it’s like you can’t take it all on, sometimes you just got to get it. Get her done. What needs to get done? Good luck. I don’t know.

 

Quinn  10:51

Hey, Sarah, this is your friend Quinn, calling in again, this time not to talk about hemorrhoids, but to talk about bathroom lingo, I’m just curious. I grew up in a pretty Jewy household, and my grandmother would say I’m making referring to taking a shit. And I’m just was curious if that was a term in your house. I’m making making a duty. I just realized, you know, as I got older, that this wasn’t something that families say across the board I’m making it’s hysterical and gross, all kind of bundled into to One thing anyway, what was your Silverman family home bathroom lingo, I’m taking a shit. I’m making a duty. I’m going I’m making, would love to know the world wants to know.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:13

I don’t think we had any one word, shitting, pooping a duty, making a duty. I think not even pooping. Pooping is something I think of my friend, Heidi, like, got me into saying that poop, pooping. I think when I was little, I thought a poop was a fart. I don’t know it’s all such a blur, but yeah, like shitting my parents said shit or duty. But I do remember, I think my mother’s mother said, a bowel movement. Are you making a BM? Do you need to make a BM? And there was something like, deeply embarrassing about that. To me, it was like, too professional. I just there’s something about it that’s gross to me when it’s a BM, do you need to make a BM? Sometimes I say that to Rory just because it’s there’s something so gross about it, yeah, duty or shit, I think is what was what? I don’t remember what we called it growing up, but I do remember, do you have to? Do you need to go make? That was a thing. I’ve heard that before. Is it a Jewish thing? I do you need to go make? Do you need to make so creative? You’re making it. Are you creating this duty? You’re creating duty in your body. Your body is making it. All right.

 

Byron Jones  13:56

Hey, Sarah, it’s your friend from Columbus, Ohio, Byron Jones.

 

Sarah Silverman  14:01

Oh, he’s called in before.

 

Byron Jones  18:15

I’m back for another one, and I want to get serious for a moment.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:21

All right.

 

Byron Jones  18:21

Not too serious. I want to talk about something, um, that’s not usually in my bag, per se. I’m going to talk about parasocial relationships, if you’re not familiar with those. Those are usually relationships between a fan in a celebrity, usually one sided, or they can be like online relationships with people you haven’t met yet. I would like to you know, get your take on you growing up as a fan and having parallel social relationship on a celebrity you didn’t know well, you wanted to know. And um, and on that side, as you a celebrity right now, having um, parallel social relationships with your fans. Well, them having the parasocial relationship with you. I should say, um, can I get those who takes and shout out to Rory, you have a good one, love you. Bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:32

Thanks, Byron. I’m happy for our parasocial relationship, although, yeah, I guess this would count, not totally one sided, but I guess a little one sided. Um, yeah I mean, it’s very different from when I was a kid, because there was no the internet, but I I wrote a fan letter to Steve Martin, I would say I had a very much of a parasocial relationship with him, where. You know I got a forum letter back that was really funny that, I guess his he, or, you know, whatever his people would send out to fan letters respond when I was a kid, when they loved it, and I had a glossy, signed, or, like, printed, signed headshot with a fish in his suit, and it said best fishes. I decorated my room with all things Steve Martin. I just loved him, and I still love him, and now I know him, and I love him. That’s crazy, but I it’s funny. I don’t, um, spend a lot of time in that space of like, that’s crazy. I was I loved him as a kid, and now I know him, even, you know, like for some reason I just try to stay more in this moment. I do appreciate that. Many times I think, Oh, my God, teenage me would not believe my life, you know, he would not believe this moment or this person that I now I know, and you know, now that I’m on the other side of it, I know a secret that makes meeting famous people less scary. They’re just people, you know, they were kids that they would poop their pants, and they were teenagers and they had zits and they, you know. They’re just people that you know got famous, I think, for the most part, anyway, all right, what else?

 

Victor  21:31

Hi, Sarah, this is Victor. I love you. The last time I saw you live was at the Beacon Theater with Chelsea Handler and Amy Schumer. It was a great show that was great. And also you mentioned that you love thrillers, and I also love thrillers and horror movies. And I didn’t know that you really like thrillers, so I was wondering, do you like horror if so, what and if not, what thrillers do you like? Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:04

I love thrillers, but I am not into like gory horror at all, or like surprise like, you know, make you jump stuff. No, although I do love a haunted house, but no, I don’t like, like bloody, gory horror, but I love, I mean, I don’t know why every example I’m thinking of is old, like Three Days of the Condor, which I just watched on a plane again, and it’s so good. Or like the firm or Rosemary’s Baby, that’s like the closest to horror, you know, or misery or Silence of the Lambs, you know, I love all that stuff that’s like, as horror as I get, but I love like thrillery, like The Talented Mr. Ripley or the but you can, I don’t know if the departed is considered that, but.

 

Amy  22:52

I’m sorry, don’t you mean The Departed?

 

Sarah Silverman  22:54

The departed, The Departed? Oh, I love any, like Boston accent movies and anything Scorsese. So that just comes together. Like, I don’t, I don’t, not out of, I mean, maybe out of some feminist thing. But, like, I lose interest in things that don’t have, like women, characters probably similar to a lot of straight men that don’t want to see like, a lot of like, women, mostly movies, you know, I just like, don’t get into it. The only exception is anything Scorsese, which is, like almost all men, and I love every single one. There’s a bunch for you. I’m sure I could think of a bunch more, what else?

 

Michelle  23:40

Hi, Sarah, it’s your friend, Michelle. Actually pastor Michelle from Dayton, Ohio. I serve a church called Harmony Creek Church, and we are one of the most progressive churches out there, and we are always working for justice, just like you are. I just want to thank you for being not only funny, but being prophetic. You speak truth to power. You’re not afraid to say what you need to say sometimes. And with that, I just ask your opinion. So my wife, has recently come out and told me that they really want to I didn’t. They want to transition from female to male, and I love my wife, and I want to support my wife, but my only question, and this is what I struggle with, because I’m 100% a lesbian, but, and I know labels are we put labels upon ourselves, and sexuality is is fluid, but if I remain married to my wife who now wants to identify as male, am I still a lesbian? It is something I have thought about, and I don’t know if you have any opinion on it. I know, labels are temporary, but anyway, I love you and thank you for being you and keep doing what you’re doing.

 

Sarah Silverman  25:07

I mean, first of all, thank you for all you said and for all you do Pastor, Rochelle from Dayton, Ohio, you know, Beth selling is from Dayton, I wonder if she, she knows of your is it called a church? Church? Is it called a church? I don’t know. Well, I just didn’t know it. Yeah. Anyway, identity is interesting, because, of course, there are women who are who are lesbians, who are married to men their whole lives. Never you know. But yeah, I think you just have to let your body tell you, you know if your partner transitions and you find that you are no longer attracted to him or them. I know you’re saying them. I don’t know if they plan to become him. Him, He/him. I have a friend who she’s straight, and her male partner transitioned, and she stayed with her, and it didn’t work, and she just said, I’m not, I’m not a lesbian, and now they’re just very close friends. Not just they are very close friends, but they’re no longer sexual partners. So you just gotta listen to your body. You know, my friend gave it the old college try, and it wasn’t to be. So I would just say, do that. You know, I love your partner, and so ask your body, how you’re gonna love your partner. Are you gonna stay partners? Or is it just maybe you’re not a lesbian, maybe you’re queer, and you just love whoever you love, and this is the person that you love, and you stay there’s no right or wrong answer. There’s no wrong answer sorry, there is a right answer. All of them, whatever is true for you, but you both have to see what this new dynamic brings to your relationship. If it’s positive, if it’s status quo, which is sounds positive, or if it diminish it’s diminishing returns, or it’s not you, or they aren’t loving it, you know, but your your body will tell you, and then you just have to listen to it. Is my totally inexperienced advice in this matter. But I think that’s right, you just got to go within and listen. But good luck. And you know, if it just isn’t what you’re looking for anymore, or if it isn’t what you what you want, then you’ll be friends, assuming that works out to be friends. Life is crazy. It’s really long too if you let it all right. What else?

 

Eric  30:54

Hey, Sarah, it’s your friend Eric, calling in from Stockholm. I have been a fan of yours for so long. I’m calling because I am looking for some advice. I have been living abroad in Sweden, grad school and then a job opportunity, and I met so many wonderful friends here, but now that I’ve kind of finished up my time here, I’m looking to go back to Chicago to live with my husband and our three dogs. Shout out to Bella, Leo and Achilles, but I was recently also visiting some old friends from college who were in we all gathered in LA were scattered around the world now, between like New York, Hawaii, Europe, all over the place. How do you deal with these relationships that you develop with friends and those you care about deeply who live all over the world. And, yeah, I don’t know when you find these different crews in your life, how do you kind of manage them? Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  32:33

Oh, well, I can tell you how I manage them. We live in the future. There’s FaceTime, there’s zoom. It’s amazing. You know, maybe a long weekend where you meet somewhere geologically between you, like you said you did in LA. But the possibilities are endless. I have a bestie in Costa Rica. We just make time to face time, you know, or like one time we overlapped in New York once, and we so we spent that day together. My big sister and all my nieces and nephews are in the Middle East, but we zoom every Sunday, and we have we’re so up each other’s asses on WhatsApp and WhatsApp chains. And, you know, rory’s got a and Amy too. Both have a college buddy text chains, and my sister jodine is in Australia half the year. Our Auntie Martha’s in DC. But yeah, we have family zoom every Sunday, and wherever we are, we check in, and they all of a sudden, we’re all together. It’s like magic. It’s amazing. I remember at the beginning of the pandemic, thinking, thank God there’s FaceTime. It was before I even realized there was zoom. That was kind of new. There was Skype, I guess. But you know, we were so lucky. We’re so lucky to that in this horrible time, we lived in a moment where we could still see each other. I could see my parents and yeah, we live in the future, bro. What else?

 

Sender 7  34:07

Hi, I’m withholding my name and where I’m from. I love your comedy. I mean, it’s really fabulous stuff, and the tasteless level sometimes is just like chef’s kiss perfect. And here’s the question, I’ll find myself in conversation with friends and people that I know and love, and I will say some kind of tasteless, dark bit of humor, and get some kind of wide eyed stares from people, and then later I’ll obsess about, gosh, maybe I should apologize to these people. And I think part of me has not fully owned my own tasteless dark side, and then I need. To in an effort to be liked kind of pad the way with apologies. Do you ever find yourself in a situation like that, where maybe you haven’t fully owned your brand of comedy and you’re like, let me call them up and apologize? Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  35:19

I don’t know I I’m part of me is pretty clueless. Part of me is, you know, I it’s different for me, because that’s my living so I people make assumptions even darker than where I reside, you know, with me, but I hear what you’re saying, and I think there’s a very when you have a very dark sense of humor, gallows humor, or you’re saying like the opposite of what you mean, but you’re joking. You have to really be sure that the people you’re talking to know you well share this sense of humor. Share you know, like you don’t want to upset anyone. You don’t want them to misunderstand you, and maybe conversely, you don’t want them to agree with you and your what you mean is the opposite. You don’t even mean I had a boyfriend that called that mouth full of blood laughs, you know, like, where they’re, like, laughing at the wrong thing, and it’s actually dark, you know, like, first of all, most comics are on the spectrum in some way. And I think many people in general are, you know, I think, like neuro divergent almost includes everyone kind of and it’s a spectrum, but when you’re not very sure that the company you’re keeping is jibing with your that kind of sense of humor, it’s probably better to withhold your instinct, because, you know, it’s kind of like, you know when you make a fucked up joke via text, and in order for the joke to be as good as it can be, you cannot follow it up with, like, an I’m just kidding emoji, but you might need to so you’re like, am I close enough with this person that I don’t have to write just kidding or, like a laughing tear emoji, or do I need that to make sure that they know I’m kidding? You know, and that’s like, there’s a real life version of that. All right, what else?

 

CJ  37:46

Hey, Sarah, this is your best friend, CJ, repeat caller. Last time I called asking about whether there was a plan behind your opening Diddy, anyway, I’m really curious when you heard my recording before, and I said I was from Hampton, New Hampshire. You gave a little Oh, and I love to hear more about your experiences with Hampton, one of America’s first summer vacation destinations, known also for probably the most the place where you can find the most Tasmanian devil tattoos when they’re holding beer cans. Tasmanian Devils holding beer cans. You can find a lot of those in Hampton. I have another question, really important one. I’m not a germaphobe, but I don’t want to shake people’s hands anymore. We should be like, pounding it out, doing nuts. How should I like, encourage people to not shake my hand without insulting them. I don’t want to be like, hey, I’m a FiSTer. Is not the way we should do it. Like, maybe you can help me out. Thanks a lot, bye soon.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:54

No, Hampton Beach was, of course, you know, I we my best friend and I would sneak there, say we were going to the movies and drive there and and cruise around. But it’s it was at night, a seedy place for a young teenage girl, I’ll say that, um, fist bump. Fist bump makes it clear you’re a fist bumper. Just before they even put their hand out. Have your fist ready. Boom, hey, great to meet you. Put out the fist that way. It’s you, don’t have to ever, you know, deny their hand, but you also can, I think, people completely respect if someone doesn’t want to shake hands also. And you may not find this so because it’s obviously kind of more intimate, but I find a hug more hygienic than a handshake, and it feels warmer, of course, because it is, but I just because you’re not, you’re not putting your you’re not near their nose and mouth, and you’re not. Not touching their hand, you’re just like touching their coat. So I, you know, and I like hugs. That doesn’t mean I want to hug everybody, by the way, out there, because sometimes people see me as a hugger, and then people that I just do not want to hug go to hug me, and it’s not comfortable, but, um, but I, you know, I sometimes find a hug to be warmer and, oddly, more hygienic. But that could just be me. There’s nothing weird about boundaries. A lot of people don’t want to shake hands anymore. It’s very understandable. And if someone acts like it’s weird, that’s, uh, probably just them being insecure about feeling that, like having a little pang of rejection, you know, like that they experienced from your boundary. But that’s not your problem, not your circus, not your monkey, not your job to take care of their feelings. But I get it because it’s I take that on a lot. I want to make people feel comfortable. You know, all right, dad, wherever you are, we are winding down.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:14

Get ready, this is part of the podcast when I say, send me your questions, your comments, your thoughts, your ideas, your notions, your proclamations, go to  speakpipe.com/theSarahsilvermanpodcast. That’s speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast. And subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen to your podcast, and there is more of the Sarah Silverman podcast with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus questions like when about what readings someone should have at their wedding ceremony. Subscribe now in Apple podcasts.  Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast, we are a production of Lemonada media.  Kathryn Barnes and Isabella Kulkarni produce our show. Our mix is by James Sparber.  The show is recorded at the Invisible Studios in West Hollywood. Charles Carroll is our recording engineer.  Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer.  Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.