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Youngmi Mayer is back on the pod, this time with her new memoir “I’m Laughing Because I’m Crying.” Carters, this book will alter your brain chemistry. At least, it did for the Aunties. They dive into shame, Korean and Korean-American identity, and what happens when you become the crazy lady on the subway. Plus, Youngmi talks about the one new pair of shoes she’s bought in three years, and gives us a crash course on cushion foundation.

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• The Carel red leather mary jane pumps are a touch of French magic

• The JUNG SAEM MOOL cushion foundation has SPF and the minis are only $13!

• Kim Hastreiter’s book “STUFF.” is the perfect coffee table piece

• “I’m Laughing Because I’m Crying” is available Nov. 12!

• Love Youngmi? Listen to her podcast “Hairy Butthole”

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Kulap Vilaysack, Youngmi Mayer, SuChin Pak

Kulap Vilaysack  00:10

Welcome back to Add To Cart, I am your auntie Kulap Vilaysack.

 

SuChin Pak  00:14

And I’m your other Auntie SuChin Pak. You know Ku, I love it when guests come back, they come back because one validates that they had a good time here on Add To Cart, and that feels good for me, but it also was so great to catch up, you know, like, what’s been going on since we last saw ya? And I’m so excited for our guest today.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  00:33

We love when they’re back for round two, and we get her solo this time. She is a comedian and the host of the podcast, Harry butthole, and now she’s an author.

 

SuChin Pak  00:48

You need to say it like that good.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  00:50

It is a new memoir is called I’m laughing because I’m crying. Please add to cart the great, Youngmi Mayer.

 

SuChin Pak  01:02

Accept it, Youngmi, your face is so uncut, accepted. No more enthusiasm for you.

 

Youngmi Mayer  01:10

You want more like sitting in my living room. Yes, that feels good.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:16

Okay, there were some arm pumps that you guys can’t see that felt.

 

SuChin Pak  01:19

Yes, I feel like that’s over the top. Before we start with the questions I am seeking to sit through this I have statements too,

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:27

Statements, Youngmi.

 

Youngmi Mayer  01:30

I’m scared.

 

SuChin Pak  01:31

The best book I’ve read all year period, nothing, nothing will come even close to the experience of reading this book period.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:41

To be clear, collectively, we read a lot of books.

 

SuChin Pak  01:45

We’re nerds. We’re nerdy, nerds. Okay, if you’ve known us for a bit, you know we’re readers. Number one, number two, I like, I like. I feel sick to my stomach because I’m so excited to talk about this young me. I read your book, devoured it whole. It’s like my brain. You took it out, okay? You restructured it. And now I’m living with a new brain in my head, and I cannot wait to talk to you about this. Okay, those are my statements, before we even get to questions. Your statements, too.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:22

I got some statements.

 

Youngmi Mayer  02:23

I’m terrified right now. I don’t know if you can tell I’m like, very quiet, shaking. I don’t know what this emotion is, and.

 

SuChin Pak  02:32

We, let’s, let’s unpack it together. So go ahead, Ku.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:35

I met Youngmi when she first came to a podcast. I just was like, You’re so interesting and funny, I’ve been following you since then. I love your point of view. And then this book, I am, like, kind of like in awe, and like, oh, like, young me is like a genius.

 

Youngmi Mayer  02:55

Like a scholar.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:57

But she’s a vulgar scholar.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  02:59

And that’s the type of I’ll take that. I’ll take that vulgar, that guy, like, yeah, like nasty scholar.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:05

sSo nasty in the best way. And you’re so smart, you’re so smart and nasty, like Janet Jackson didn’t sing about that, you know, you’re just so intelligent, emotionally intelligent, but also so messy in such a beautiful way. Like, you’re just amazing.

 

SuChin Pak  03:22

You love it when you get mad.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:24

Yeah, I was so the restraint of only using courage once, like, it’s just like, this is word salad. This is now, this is just word salad.

 

SuChin Pak  03:32

You’re making me feel better.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:34

And normally, when I when I’m reading a book, I’m dog earing. And trust that I, I absolutely dog eared your book too, but it just, it won’t. It would just be bent. Do you know what I mean, your whole book would just be bent, like, and then that it got to a point where, like, this is just pointless, because it’s just like, I don’t know. It’s unlike anything that I read before.

 

Youngmi Mayer  03:56

Oh, my God, thank you. I’m like, I don’t know. I’m like, scared, a little horny. I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling right now. I’m just like, usually I just like, talk a lot. But now I’m just like, I want to go home. I don’t like this. Mom, pick me up. People are being nice to me.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:15

It’s tough because you are at home right now.

 

Youngmi Mayer  04:17

I know I’m an adult.

 

SuChin Pak  04:19

And it’s tough because you did write it. Yeah, that’s the tough part is, is that it did come from your brain?

 

Youngmi Mayer  04:24

Well, I have to say something about courage, because I always pronounce it K rage. And then I heard people saying it courage a few times, and I was like, oh, no, has it been courage the whole time? K rage, like it’s, it’s like the word that Korean people use, I guess, for our, our very specific brand of anger. Has it been crazed the whole time?

 

SuChin Pak  04:46

I don’t think young me that that the Webster’s Miriam, you know, has conferred on this yet. Okay, so it is to your interpretation, okay, I say courage, but K rage is kind of funny. It’s K Pop, a drama and K rage. That’s probably the part of the wave. You guys.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  05:05

Thank you. Try all use.

 

SuChin Pak  05:06

Yes, it’s our soft exports.

 

Youngmi Mayer  05:09

Do you want the passenger side window of your Kia Sorento broken? You’re welcome.

 

SuChin Pak  05:18

Okay, Youngmi, can we get to some questions.

 

Youngmi Mayer  05:21

Of course.

 

SuChin Pak  05:22

Write some questions.

 

Youngmi Mayer  05:23

Well before the questions, I just want to say thank you for saying all of those nice things. And I’m practicing accepting compliments. So I’m not going to say no. I’m just going to say thank you. Thank you so much.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  05:39

The title is, I’m laughing because I’m crying. Could you explain the title, please?

 

Youngmi Mayer  05:43

The title was supposed to be hairy butthole because it was based on this concept in Korea that they say, if you laugh while crying, hair grows out of your butthole. And nobody knows why that phrase exists. Nobody knows it’s just a weird thing adults used to say to children when they were, like, beating their asses and then, and like, you know, joking with them to make them stop crying. But I was just kind of thinking about that phrase in Korean culture, and like, how much it like, sort of represents all these very deep seated, like, cultural philosophies in Korea. But it’s not about the fact that they’re so different. It’s the fact that they are bound together and they have to exist at the same time. And I think Koreans carry that belief so deeply everywhere they go, that even in their like, day to day joking, like phrases, they like, say things like that, you know, like laughing and crying or this are the same and like, there’s a lot of things in Korea that are like that. And so I use that as a premise, the universe is a hairy butthole.

 

SuChin Pak  06:44

This whole time we’ve been struggling with trying to understand how why we’re here, and it’s to.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:50

Successfully describe it, yeah.

 

Youngmi Mayer  06:53

It’s Harry butthole.

 

SuChin Pak  06:55

To me, like there’s so many things about it that feel like nothing I’ve read before, and that’s one of the things that you’re constantly pushing this. Like, well, you think that what I’m saying is this, but am I this is also the truth. Like the laughing and the crying is an example of that of like, their sadness, but even to get through that, like, I don’t know if it’s a survival mechanism or a coping mechanism, or is it just the universe resetting the balance? Yeah, there has to be laughing in that too, right? Like in that moment, it’s always this kind of toggling back and forth, if you will.

 

Youngmi Mayer  07:34

Yeah, and I think everybody kind of has this, like, in, like, inherent understanding of that. Because, like, you know, you hear, I’ve read, like books just doing stand up comedy, and I put this in the book as well. Like, people were, like, wondering why humans develop laughter, and they realized it was like, like, what you said, like a coping mechanism when they felt intense fear, and then it, it turned out to not be danger, and they would make like a weird sound, and that evolved into laughter. And so it is like it only exists because of crying, you know, in a way. And so it isn’t in a weird way, the same thing.

 

SuChin Pak  08:12

Well, that kind of leads into my first question. And you say, and you talk about shame in this book, I mean, it’s such one of the big themes, right? And you talk about all kinds of shame that we feel just as humans, whether you’re a kid who feels like an outcast, or you’re ashamed because you know you’re poor, or as you write in the beginning of the book, quote an Asian woman who feels ashamed every time she talks right on that page at the beginning of the book, just stopped me in my tracks, because I was like, What am I in for? Like, how are you articulating this right at the top? And I’ve got so many more pages to go, so I want to talk about this experience with shame. You know, you kind of even intro to like, Okay, I’m learning to just receive, without fueling XYZ. And I’m sure shame is in one of those. So can you talk a little bit about this?

 

Youngmi Mayer  09:10

You know, one of the things that I mentioned right off top in the in the book as well, is that our Asian American stories in this country, unfortunately, always fall within these, like, same categories, right? We talk about shame, honor, filial piety, or whatever […]

 

Kulap Vilaysack  09:32

Yeah, moolah.

 

Youngmi Mayer  09:35

A lot of times I’ll hear like, oh, Asian American literature, and I’m like, God damn it, like I have to read another fucking book about someone’s piano playing whatever the math count, you know what I mean, like, your mom made you play piano like that. I assume that before I pick it up. So that’s why I think I like, set that up top, like, oh, like, you know, we are made to tell these stories over and over. There is this new way to say it and not it’s not necessarily new, but it’s just more authentic. I think I’m not bringing it up because white people expect me to say it. It’s like, I’m gonna tell you what it really means when, when I say that, you know what I mean. And so I think, and then also, right up top, I antagonize white people, and I’m just like, this is not gonna be like your boohoo, piano playing whatever thing you want me to do. But shame in general. Oh God see, this is like, I feel like this is already what the book is about. It’s like, I want so badly to be like, I’m not like other fucking Asians. I don’t feel shame like that. I feel it in a different, secret way that you’ve never heard of before, but then, but then I’m like, Why do I feel the need to say that? And then it’s like those two conflicting thoughts. And I think those two conflicting thoughts are the premise of the book, right? Like, as an Asian American person, you’re like, I don’t want you to think my book is like, Mulan or the Joy Luck Club, and then, and then the other side is like, Why do I think that? Why do I think that that’s negative? And what? What does that mean? And then you, you get caught in this, like, really, like, messed up cycle of thinking about your identity and why you feel bad about being Asian American. But then you’re also like, I hate it that my parents made me play piano too, like I that does resonate with me. And so then that confusion and that, like, those two contrasting, like, negative emotions, is like, the basis of the book, right?

 

SuChin Pak  11:33

Yeah, because even in the beginning in this conversation, you say, Well, why can’t I write about all these things you we’ve got 1000s of white men speaking about their experience, about wandering through a meadow near a creek where, you know, you didn’t say exactly these things, but I’m like, Yeah, I’m thinking about all the World War Two. Yeah, you know, books and movies that I’ve watched from a young white man just figuring his way in the world. And we have 1000s and perhaps millions of those stories.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  12:07

Yeah, I can actually quote that right now. It’s Page five in the great book.

 

SuChin Pak  12:13

Let’s just call it the great book from now on. Really make young me just run, run for the hills.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  12:19

Yeah, to really make you uncomfortable. Youngmi writes All Asian Americans probably have pretty similar background stories, but so do all the white guys who were the only ones allowed to write books for the last 27,000 years. And Lord knows, that’s never stopped any of them.

 

SuChin Pak  12:36

No, and they never start off with, Hey, listen, you know, it’s gonna be another story by a creature. Yeah, he’s gonna be a cabin in the woods. No, they never start that. And yet we feel compelled for all of these reasons, yeah, valid reasons to to somehow. You know what I mean? Have to address that right from the top.

 

Youngmi Mayer  12:57

There’s room for them to have individual experiences, even though a lot of their individual experiences look and sound exactly the same, because we appreciate them for being human beings. And yeah, I think that was the what I was like trying to say.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  13:13

And just to jump to a certain summation, the fear of like, is this a diary? Or why would anyone care? And I should just shut the fuck up. It’s like Youngmi feedback. I want you to write more.

 

Youngmi Mayer  13:27

Oh my god, thank you.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  13:28

This is so great, like, this was so fucking great, man, your voice is so strong. Thank God you pushed that down. Or at least let it just not take up all the air in the room that you wrote this book.

 

SuChin Pak  13:41

I bet Youngmi like knowing a little bit about who you are, and you’re so open about this kind of mental head talk that is continually happening in your brain. Like, what was that experience of trying to articulate and then also grapple with? Because I see you’re even doing it now, before you say anything, there’s many revisions going on in your brain. Of, like, Wait, is that how I think, like everything is being processed. So I just am curious, like, what that process was like, actually putting it down and like, committing to it in black and white, so to speak.

 

Youngmi Mayer  14:20

Um, well, I think, like, you know what you just said, I realized that there is like a power in just expressing it, when you feel it, when I was writing it, that, like internal monolog, I would just write it down, like, when you watch the office, like the best parts of the office, or when they when somebody says something, then you look In the camera, like the Jim Halpert like, it’s like, it’s that kind of thing. It’s like, we’re all, we all do it, and it’s like this. It’s the way that our brains work. And I think when you do that and you sort of like, show the vulnerabilities or the insecurities you have while you’re saying something, it becomes, like, really relatable. And I think. That’s something that I use a lot. And I think a lot of times in the book, what I saw happening was I would write this, like, very sad story, sad part of my life. A lot of times I would feel embarrassed because I would have, like this point that I wanted to say, but it felt like it was too smart sounding. So then I would just be like, What the fuck am I talking about? Like, I’m so annoying. Like, I would just, like, write that, like, knee jerk reaction. There’s, like, this part of the Bible. There’s a another version of the Bible that I read that I thought it was really interesting. And after I write that whole thing, at the end, I’m like, who the fuck cares the Bible is so stupid? Like, you know, it’s just like, What do I think I’m saying? It’s like, I think it’s like that. And that would just come up while I was writing, and I was I just thought it was funny to, like, just keep that in, you know, like, after I write some really pompous, arrogant, like, intellectual thing, I’m like, Who the hell do I think I am? So I just thought it was funny, so I included that.

 

SuChin Pak  16:15

You say in this book. And this was like a really big epiphany for me, that to be different is to not be Korean, right? And you talk about it in this context of like in our culture, and I see it all the time, and I just have never articulated it that way, like there’s so much pressure in Korean culture, the number one plastic surgery place in the world, where we produce k pop out of factories, there is this kind of unspoken through line that I feel like you’re bringing to the surface about Our culture, about this, like extreme pressure to be the same, and you take it back to history, and you sort of map out what that means. And I kind of want you to talk about it, because I think it’s so interesting.

 

Youngmi Mayer  17:12

So just in case people don’t know, but I was born in Korea, and I lived there for a long time, and as a half white person, and this is going to be, I think, confusing for a lot of people, because they see me probably as, like, very Korean, but to Koreans, I look very different, because all Koreans look very similar. And, you know, like even the K Pop example, it’s almost ridiculous when you see these k pop stars that literally look identical at this point. And it’s like, because, not, I’m not saying because Korean people look all the same. It’s because they get the exact same plastic surgeries to look identical. It’s like, almost a point, you know, that’s the point. And so I like, just think back of, like, my memories and my emotions of being a small child, and it was all about being exactly the same. And if you are different in any way, you’re gonna fucking die and we’re gonna kill you. Like, that’s what it felt like, you know, when you’re like, five and six and they tell you, like, Oh, this is wrong. This is wrong. And it’s like this culture, you know, in case people listening have never been there, it’s like this. I almost describe it as, like, you have to walk this narrow path if you deviate just like an inch, there’s like a stick that hits you. You know, it’s like, it’s like sticks all along a very narrow path, yeah. And so that’s like the Korean culture. It’s like, any little thing you do wrong, it’s like someone’s gonna hit you with a stick, sometimes literally, sometimes literally, they will hit you with a stick on the sidewalk. That pressure was really, like, a big part of my life, and it became a big part of, like, forming my identity, because I grew up in such a rigid culture, and unfortunately, because, like, I am half white, it was kind of almost like there was no way for me to win already. And I do think a lot of Koreans see it like this for mixed race people, like, a deformity. And it was like, kind of devastating for me as a kid, because I was like, I was like, under the impression that I was doing everything correctly, you know, I was bowing correctly and using my chopsticks correctly. And it was still, they were still like, oh, look like pointing at me and and I think that ended up being a really a big part of my identity, and I see that in myself now. It’s like, very formative. I think Korean people understand that, because obviously, even if you grew up in America, you’re still with your Korean community. And you know how rigid it is, and it’s like, it’s hard to explain. Because I think when you say things like that to other people, they’re like, oh, yeah, I understand, because my culture is also like that, and I do see other cultures that behave in that way. But I there’s something in Korea where it’s, you know, unique. It’s a little yeah, it’s like, just a little bit more severe.yeah,

 

SuChin Pak  19:57

I wouldn’t say a little bit.

 

Youngmi Mayer  19:58

No, a lot more. Yeah severe caps.

 

SuChin Pak  20:01

Youngmi just really went back to Korea for the first time this past year. I mean, I’ve never been since I moved to this country, and so I’m so removed from Korean culture, because I only know it from my parents, and just sort of sitting in it from outside, but also, kind of like one foot in. That was one of, like, ah, I don’t, I don’t know if we’re gonna keep this, but I was really sad a lot there, yeah, like, just to, kind of like, see all of these men, these young people, striving so hard to just stay on this tiny, narrow path and any deviation was such a huge social gasp that, like it does, it made me cut. It kind of broke my heart. I didn’t even realize that till I came across this sentence, that I had been feeling that the whole time that I was there.

 

Youngmi Mayer  21:04

Yeah, it’s like, very hard pressure. It’s a lot of pressure. And, you know, a lot of Korean American people I talk to, they’re like, oh, you know, when I go back, I’m not accepted, and they don’t think I’m Korean enough. And I’m like, they don’t think the Koreans are Korean enough. Are you kidding me? Like my cousin, who weighs 95 pounds and has all the right plastic surgery. They’re like, Well, maybe you should lose five more pounds, three more kilos. Like, it’s like, that never Korean enough. The most Korean person is not Korean enough. And I think what you’re saying is what you felt when you went there. You saw all these young people trying so hard to prove that they are enough, not just Korean enough, but just enough. You know, my, my, I think my reaction was like, Fuck all of you, fuck this, like, I’m out. And then weird, I must say this about Korean culture, though, that like, if you go to Korea, you’ll see the people that are, like, kind of in my same framework, like they tried really hard and they failed from get and they have given up, and they’re just loud and annoying and like, they do whatever they want. Weirdly, Korean people respect them. They like, love the crazy lady on the subway. So that’s my role, I think, in Korea now. And they’re like, yeah, yeah, she’s this crazy lady.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  22:19

She’s a badass on page 108, you say, can we just start to dismantle how you’ve come to terms with feeling worthy, of growing up feeling unworthy, and coming from a history where women who had the audacity to be great were punished for not succumbing to the disease of believing they were worthless.

 

SuChin Pak  22:37

This whole concept of worthiness, which we talk a lot about, I think just in general, in society, I think you pushed it just one step farther. We talked about, some of it about growing up in a culture where you’re it’s built in. We made it so that you never win this game of worthiness, and so therefore you have to work so hard for our love. Whoa, I just had another there of like, so that’s why I’m like, when I am in relationships.

 

Youngmi Mayer  23:08

You’re like, that’s like describing, oh, man.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  23:11

I’m doing real time everybody.

 

SuChin Pak  23:13

That’s me in every relationship I’ve ever been in. Okay, let me just put that aside, but also that you come from this history of women who were so great and they were punished because of that, into feeling what they should have been felt in the first place, which is worth less. I mean, just listening to that. I know you guys are listening to this, being like, what is happening, rewind it, listen to it again. Read the book. But this is a huge, huge, I think, piece of what you offer in this book to everyone.

 

Youngmi Mayer  24:00

Well, I think the answer to your question about how I came from that and decided that I was gonna I am not worthless, is very like, again, going back to this eastern philosophy, knowing you lost and and like sitting in that realization is how you win, you know, because you knowing you can’t win, so you fucking give up. It’s like the crazy lady on the subway. It’s, it’s because, I think, from a very young age, I had already entered the race, the Korean race, as a loser, as like Wang TA, like, I am already a loser. I cannot win. And because they forced me into that role, it was already like, Oh, I’m not playing anyway. Fuck this. Do you know what I mean? And it’s like in that I found my worth and value, because all these Korean people that are constantly searching for this external validation of the mother that will never love you, you. Never be good enough. Go to fucking Stanford. Become a fucking neurosurgeon. You’re not gonna be good enough for her. They’re playing this game so hard, and like, every time they think that they win, they look back, and she still doesn’t love you. You’re still not good enough. And it’s like me, I feel like for me, step one, you know, fucking kindergarten, first grade nursery school in Korea. They were like, you’re never gonna win. And I was like, Okay, well, then I’m, I’m like, I’m out. And weirdly, that’s like, that’s how I found my value. I was like, Oh, you’re never gonna give me this validation. So I’m not gonna play this game, like I’m gonna get it for myself. And I think that was the, the strange lesson I learned, like, and you know, Korean people did teach it to me, and I do talk about this in the book a lot, like going to Korea and looking at Koreans and being like, why are you doing this? Why are you playing this game? You’re not gonna win. Like, give up. Be crazy, like me on the street. Like, what is free? Yeah, be free. You’re not gonna win, and whatever you think you’re gonna get from it, you’re never gonna get it. I always say that to people, but I’m at this place from recognizing and understanding that for most people, that doesn’t make any sense, and it sounds almost like anti social, like we’re like social creatures. We’re literally built to want validation and acceptance from the whole and sometimes that’s a positive and it works really well. And there are people in Korea that think about this and have community in a very beautiful and natural and like healthy way. It’s not all negative, but I think for the most part, that.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  26:38

She described her writing process and we just it happens right there. Look at that. There we go, guys.

 

SuChin Pak  26:45

This is called the great book, yeah, just when you think she’s got the answer, no, she’s like, just kidding, that’s answer for me. Here’s another one.

 

Youngmi Mayer  26:54

That’s the answer for me. Yeah, it’s not the answer for you. It’s a different answer for everybody. For me, that’s the only thing that worked, because I was in this very specific scenario that you know, not, not everyone is in. So maybe there’s a k pop star out there that’s really happy with their lives. Doesn’t look like it from over here, though, I have not seen one that isn’t miserable. Let’s do the let’s do the survival show about that.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:17

Yeah, healthy, happy.

 

Youngmi Mayer  27:19

Have you ever seen a film k pop Star? […]

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:31

Get this great book where all great books are sold. I’m laughing because I’m crying, a memoir by young me mayor. Let’s get into your cart.

 

SuChin Pak  27:42

Yeah, let’s do it. Let’s get into shopping. That’s what we do. We should take a hard left and we go. Let’s shop left. Let’s shop our feelings away.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:53

Okay, so talk to us about that. Your friend pointed out that you only have three outfits.

 

Youngmi Mayer  28:01

I was telling my other friends that my friends at that they’re like, That’s so rude. I was like, Well, it’s true. I only have three outfits. I don’t know why I’m not interested in shopping for clothes. It’s something that, like makes me use too much of my brain, or something, and it just bothers me. I don’t know what it is. It takes me forever to buy anything if it’s closed, I really have to think about it. It doesn’t even matter if it’s like a $10 skirt from Amazon, which is what I’m wearing right now. But like, I will think about it for days, because it’s like, I know that I will never get that impulse to buy clothes again for a long time. But I feel like every once in a while, I will buy one really fancy thing, and I will just have it in my closet, and then I’ll just end up wearing it forever, and that just feels right to me, and that it becomes one of my three outfits.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:54

All right, so then let’s talk about these patent leather Kena Mary Jean pumps. Oh, those are, these are really good looking.

 

Youngmi Mayer  29:06

So this was the my one shoe purchase of the last, I would say, three years.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:11

Wow, you’re so good for the environment, like you’re.

 

SuChin Pak  29:14

She’s an eco warrior, yeah, um, wait, who describe to everyone what we’re looking at?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:19

Okay, we are looking at Red patent leather Mary Jane pumps. They are $495 what? I don’t know what this heel size is, maybe inch and a half, two inches?

 

SuChin Pak  29:36

Sensible block heel.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:37

Yeah, gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Three straps, stunning.

 

SuChin Pak  29:42

Okay, let’s talk about this shoe. Young me, what like? Why red? Why this shoe? What does it do for you, knowing that you don’t buy much.

 

Youngmi Mayer  29:51

So the reason I bought this shoe was because it looks like a shoe that’s made for just walking in a city. I think it’s like a French brand. And it’s like, I think it’s made to be like an everyday shoe. And so I was like, looking into it, and I was like, if I bought this shoe, I will wear it. Wear them every day, because the heel is not that high, and they look very comfortable, and they’ll last forever. And then I bought them, and all of those things have been true. I’ve been wearing them every single day since I bought them, and I think it’s been at least a year, and they’ve held up. They are beat up, but they they’ve held up, and they always it’s like one of those things. I think this is, like a really Parisian French kind of thing where it’s like these little daily luxuries that just make your life feel special. So I wear them every day, and it makes me feel like slightly dressed up. You can wear them out, you know, you can wear them like to anything, basically. And so I highly recommend them, and I’m very tough on my shoes, and they’ve kept up, so I highly recommend.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  30:55

I, yeah, sold. Great, this is who I am now.

 

SuChin Pak  31:00

No, but I also love that. It’s that you picked red as your everyday color, because I think people you know are like, Oh, I do love them, but I want to make sure I, you know, I get used up, so I’ll get it in black.

 

Youngmi Mayer  31:12

That’s the secret. That’s the essential thing. It has to have, like, something slightly interesting about it. It can’t be the beige or the black, it has to be the red or the pink or something, because that’s where the joy comes from.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:27

I agree, right? Red’s a neutral. How about that? How’s that statement for everybody?

 

Youngmi Mayer  31:31

It’s a neutral. Also. You know what’s neutral? Glitter, like glitter shoes. I have glitter shoes.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:37

Glitters a neutral. Okay, Youngmi, I know you don’t hem and haw about skincare, though. You don’t deliberate. You aren’t waiting, you know, buy one thing every three years. This is what I know about you for sure. Yeah. And so I can’t wait to talk about this foundation that has sunblock in it, and it’s only $13.

 

SuChin Pak  31:58

It’s a neuter cushion. Neuter cushion is what the cushion.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:02

Say it because I gotta what this is Korean, right? So SuChin.

 

SuChin Pak  32:07

I think it’s pronounced jeongse mu, and it’s a cushion foundation in a nude color. And you’re saying this has SPF in it?

 

Youngmi Mayer  32:16

Yes, I’m wearing it now, and it smells like has a lot of SPF in it. So I think cushion foundations are really they’ve been popular for a while. I know, like, the Korean companies kind of blew up. It went viral for them. So I’ve been using them for a few years. This one is the best one in terms of the SPF I could, like, notice the coverage, because in the summer I start getting, like, spots on my face, if I have sun exposure, has high SPF. And it’s also like the coverage is really good, and like a cushion foundation, if you haven’t used it before, it’s like, it comes in a it looks like a compact, and you just use a sponge and you put it on. It’s really fast.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:59

Youngmi, your skin is glass, like glass. So I’m like, All right, I guess maybe I’m gonna try this.

 

Youngmi Mayer  33:05

One Korean thing that I’m okay with.

 

SuChin Pak  33:08

And and so, because I’ve never used a cushion foundation either. So when you push down on it, is it liquidy?

 

Youngmi Mayer  33:14

You like, pat the sponge on the thing, and then it’ll it’ll be enough, like, you don’t have to squish down too hard. But if you do squish down really hard, the liquid will, like, sort of bubble up to the top.

 

SuChin Pak  33:25

And then how do you know what shade to get? I mean, for $13 get all of them and figure it out but.

 

Youngmi Mayer  33:31

Honestly, I buy like, two or three around my range, and then I test them. And then also, like, in the summer, I do get a little darker. If I get one that’s too dark, I’ll just wait a few months.

 

SuChin Pak  33:41

And then does it dry down? Is it sticky?

 

Youngmi Mayer  33:44

I’m wearing it now. It’s a little sticky, but it just feels like regular foundation. And then I just put setting spray, I think. But the range and skin tones is not great. It’s a Korean company, after all, it’s like light to medium tan.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:01

Okay, yep. Understood.

 

SuChin Pak  34:03

When I went to Korea to try to buy anything matching my skin tone, they and I don’t think I’m a dark person, but in Korea, they’re like, Wow, hmm, maybe we can conjure up a mix of things so it there’s not a lot of shade ranges, let’s say yeah, yeah, in Korea. But the whole point of this is, is that, like, try a cushion foundation? So I’m sure there are brands out there that have better shade ranges.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:32

Youngmi tell us about another great book. This is from your friend.

 

Youngmi Mayer  34:36

So my friend Kim Haustrider is the founder of Paper Magazine, and she sold it a while ago, so she doesn’t really have anything to do with it anymore. I think she’s like, semi retired, but she’s like, an incredibly interesting, cool person, like she was, you know, around, like, just one of those, like, Cool Kids in the 70s in New York City, and she was just around all these, like. People. And she has a book coming out in March, I believe, but you can pre order it now, and it’s a coffee table book of just all the stuff that she has. This is all her personal stuff. This is all her personal stuff. And it’s nuts because she has an apartment overlooking, I think, Washington Square Park that she bought for nothing back in the day. This is so wild to me, like she’s she got it for nothing, and it’s full of, like, all this, like art and stuff that she got directly from the artist. Like she has, like original like basquiats and like Keith herrings, just like, just like, leaning behind her couch, because she has so much art. And the interesting thing is, I don’t know how to explain this, but she has this like skill that’s, like, I’ve never seen somebody that has the skill, but that she can, like, walk into, I don’t know, like a thrift store in like, Minnesota, right? That’s like 3000 square feet, and she can find the one thing that costs, like, $20,000 in there. Do you know what I mean, like, she has this superpower, superpower. And she’s like, Oh, this is, like, an original, right?

 

SuChin Pak  36:05

My daughter may have that superpower, I don’t know, but just putting it out there.

 

Youngmi Mayer  36:11

But which she writes about in the book. And she also has that for people. And she says, like, I’ll walk into a party and I will spot the one person that’s gonna be a famous artist, like, in that thing. And she’s done it over and over, like she did it was like, you know, like Basquiat and like all these people before they became famous, like she became friends with them, and she would spot it and be like, You are the one, and then lo and behold, you know, they would blow up. And so the book is just Yeah, about the stuff that she has in her apartment, and then her the stories about her life.

 

SuChin Pak  36:41

I love it. I’m just leafing through this, and it’s so fun.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  36:45

I’m only upset because it’s such a good, suchin gift, but obviously I can’t give it to her now because she knows about it like that’s the only piece yeah.

 

SuChin Pak  36:53

I’m not gonna be upset if this shows up, but it will show up at twice, since I will be adding it to cart, you know, as you’re describing her, and just the magic of, that’s the magic of New York, is like, when you run into people like this, and then even, you know, become friends with people like that, where you’re like, God dang it, this is the best fucking city in the world. Because it’s just like, that’s like, when I look at this, it like, just also reminds me of, like, what it is like to live in New York.

 

Youngmi Mayer  37:25

She’s definitely a New York person. And then I have a really funny story about her. I don’t know anything that much about this artist, but do you know that artist? Cause I think no of yeah, really famous. So for some reason, she has like, a bunch of his original work, and she just, like, has it in a closet. She’s like, Oh, I hate this. And I’m like, I feel like this is probably really expensive. Just shoves it next to the bathroom.

 

Youngmi Mayer  37:48

She’s like, I hate this shit.

 

Youngmi Mayer  37:51

It’s so ugly. So she’s like, I’m like, can I have these? I want to sell these.

 

SuChin Pak  37:57

You’re like, this is probably rent for my year, but. She’s like but, you know, hey, guess what? You can’t buy her taste. No, you know what I mean, like, you just can’t. You can’t buy taste.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:08

She’s got an eye for talent.

 

SuChin Pak  38:09

She’s got, you just can’t and she’s got an eye for talent. She can recognize the talent. But doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like it New York. About it, it’s middle fingers up.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  38:19

But we like Youngmi and we love her memoir. I’m laughing because I’m crying. It is out November 12. That’s exactly two weeks from now. So set your clocks. Is there anything else people should know about you? Got to be doing a book tour.

 

Youngmi Mayer  38:34

Oh, right, yeah. Sorry, yeah. I don’t know. Recycle yogurt cups, I don’t know. Oh yeah, I’m doing a book tour. I put it on my Instagram. If you want to come, it’s, it’s not that expensive. I’m going on the West Coast, so please come. It’s not going to be a traditional book tour. I’m going to do a comedy show instead, because I think, like, book readings are kind of boring. No offense to anyone that does them, but so I’m gonna do a comedy show.

 

SuChin Pak  39:06

So and your Instagram handle is @ymmayer, M, A, Y, E, R.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:13

Thank you so much for coming back, for writing this book, for being you.

 

SuChin Pak  39:18

Yes, and sitting through our word salads, just we had a lot of feelings, young me and I, and you held it for us so.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:25

But please, you’ll log off. Just know that we, like, really, like, love this book and like, there’s no point in us. Like, blowing anything up your ass.

 

SuChin Pak  39:36

Yeah, hairy little ass.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:37

Yeah, your hairy bubble. Just simply, I am just, it’s so good, yummy.

 

Youngmi Mayer  39:45

Thank you so much. Thanks for reading it. I’m really glad you liked it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  39:49

Really did. I’m gonna gift it.

 

CREDITS 39:51

There’s more Add to cart with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like where we tell you about the last item we bought or returned, and why subscribe now in Apple podcasts. Add To Cart is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producers are Kegan Zema and Tiffany Bouy. Brian Castillo is our engineer. Theme music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers or Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Follow Add to Cart wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.