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Description

Alfonso and Christian’s decade-long relationship has ranged from roommates and brief sexual partners to now dedicated best friends who aren’t afraid to talk explicitly about their respective sex lives.

“I always liked you and loved you as a person and always wanted to see if it could be more.” – Christian

As expected, Good Sex contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

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Transcription

SPEAKERS

Christian, Alfonso, Claire Jones

Alfonso  00:00

I think the only time we didn’t room together was one semester of sophomore year.

Christian  00:05

Yeah, that was Spring

Alfonso 

One semester of sophomore year, and then all of junior year, but like back to senior year, we were roommates again. We were literally like joining together.

Christian 

It was very natural. We vibed off with each other. Well, we just understood each other’s kind of like, we didn’t have to speak or really do anything about words or set boundaries. We just like knew, you know, here’s my little cookie.

Alfonso

There was one time I can absolutely remember, in college during our senior year, when like a guy came over from off campus. And I really wanted to fuck and I don’t think Christian caught that I wanted him out.

Christian 

Yeah, I was so oblivious.

Alfonso 

And I was a bit frustrated because like, I didn’t want to pull up my phone and text him in front of the guy. But like it took way longer than it usually did for Christians understand. I was like, would you get the fuck out? Eventually he did. Eventually, he did. Hi, I’m Alfonso.

Christian 

And I’m Christian.

Alfonso 

We’ve been best friends for 10 years.

Christian 

And you’re listening to GOOD SEX.

Alfonso 

And this is GOOD SEX.

Christian 

Alfonso was probably the first person that I came out to like, personally, I knew that he knew before I came out, as he like living with me, you know, he probably like picked it up at some point. But like me coming out to him was probably it just gave me like, like a safe space almost. I felt like he would not judge me at all, or even judge the fact that I’ve been in the closet for like, literally, I came out our senior year of college to our friends, but I was gay long way before that. Like I just knew about that about myself.

Alfonso 

And then when the conversation did happen, I think it was after a hook up. I can’t even remember exactly what but it just came out. And then like, we were just talking about it like, okay, how was it like, you know, is it good? And he’s like, yeah, it was good. It was just very, it was very natural like that our friendship has progressed through those deep conversations, especially like that, like those pivotal moments in our lives. But it felt very organic. It was a very smooth like incline. So Chris, have you gotten any feedback from partners about your performance? And obviously I want to know, what was the best of them? What was the worst of them? Give me a little bit of razzle dazzle if you can.

Christian  02:42

Well, I have stories of both. So finally, let’s start with me, I guess topping because that’s what I really had more experience with when I first was coming out. I had pretty great reviews. Honestly, people were hitting me back up to come back and do it again. Like hey, do you want to fuck hey, you’re free? And I was like, yeah, yeah, or the case may be. I’ve had also situations where I feel like in the beginning when I was trying to borrow more. I couldn’t take dick. I just couldn’t, it hurt too much. And I didn’t really want to do it. And I would kind of tell like all you know, don’t hit me up. If you can’t take dick. I’m like, I don’t know. I’m just trying out man. Like, I’ve gotten like situations like that. But feedback for performance. I mean, I guess I’ve been told I’m like super passionate because I do love hot and I do love heavy in the moment but like in terms of like, yeah, I really liked like your stroke. I don’t think I’ve actually ever been told that like, in the sense, but I feel like good feedback is like, hey, if you keep hitting me up, I guess I’m doing something right. Alfonso, have you ever been put into a sexual situation that made you feel uncomfortable? And how did you handle that situation?

Alfonso  04:02

Yes, I was like kind of seeing an upperclassman. He was a senior at the time, you know, very polished and well decorated and accomplished, he was very forward about you know, wanting to hook up with me and I think I took that interest and I just went along with it. So it came down to the point where he came over very late. And it was just like, you know, those memes where they say like what I ordered versus what I got, it was kind of one of those situations like I guess in my head I cooked up this fantasy that like okay, this really, you know, distinguished seniors is coming to my room and we were about to get a pop and like about to fuck, and so he came over but like, he came over and he was just super drunk. I think it just came down to you know, body language and me not necessarily voicing my nose directly. Although that is never really an excuse for somebody being forceful onto you. I think body language is absolutely important and, and the things that I don’t say are just as important as what I do and just being able to read a situation. He eventually got the point. But like, that was the most uncomfortable for me that I have to tell myself in the moment. And then also after many, many times that like I need to be more assertive with my disinterest, and that is okay to be disinterested in the moment. And just because I invited him over and just because you know what I mean, the conversation was mutual and the feeling was mutual about wanting to have sex and wanting to be physical. Like, if that goes away. It’s totally fun. And it’s okay to express that.

Christian 

Yeah, I’m glad you’re safe from that.

Alfonso 

I have a question. What’s something that you do that you think I’d never do? I feel like I know the answer to that. But I want to see if you would say it.

Christian

I feel like it’s the orgy thing like I think I’ve definitely been a part of like a 15%-20% orgy ones and that was a lot of work.

Alfonso  06:05

Oh my God for real?

Christian 

It was a lot going on. And it was really hot in that fucking room. Let me tell you.

Alfonso 

how the hell did you get into that situation?

Christian 

At first I thought it was just like, you know, people just hanging out and people were like me like maybe they were drinking was like some music playing by that slowly, like shifted and I just like, I was nervous at first. But I just like go on with it, the guy just started kissing me and then the rest is pretty much history.

Alfonso

Oh my god. A 15-person orgy?

Christian 

I count I counted. I was definitely there was definitely 15 almost closer to 20 people. I fucked; I think just I had I did some interaction with at least each member. It was a very hot. It was a very hot time.

Alfonso 

You know what it is? You know, I can’t do that. How the fuck am I going to be the center of attention in 15-20 people, you would probably have to help me prepare emotionally for at least a month before something like that. I just don’t see myself doing it. Doesn’t mean I’m not a freaky bitch because I am you know this. But no, yeah, it’s damn good job.

Christian

What would you do that you think I wouldn’t do?

Alfonso 

I feel like you’re not a foot person.

Christian 

I am a foot person.

Alfonso 

Really? In what sense?

Christian

I’m not okay. I’m not like crazy. Like, I don’t want you to shove your foot in my ass. I don’t want to like you know, put your whole foot in my mouth. I’m not that crazy. But I do like rubbing on your feet. I do like, nice feet. Not necessarily getting my feet play with. I feel like I have nice feet too. I’m very much into that. And I feel like I learned this more when this guy was hooking up with he wanted me to like, you know, we’re like doing doggy style. He wanted me to put my foot in his like on his face while he was like face down on the bed. I did then I caught a fucking charley horse bro.

Christian  08:17

Okay, this is kind of a loaded one. This is something that I kind of always thought about. I have to say, like, probably soon after we graduated after like senior year for us. But you remember we had like that slight sexual encounter in our room. Like when we were still roomies, this happened a thing like once or twice kind of thing. Would you have ever like pursue that more? If I had come out earlier? And we weren’t in like, in our senior year? Like did you like me throughout our college years?

Alfonso

I won’t say that it hasn’t been across my mind but I think because I was really more so prioritizing your comfortability. I didn’t even allow myself to be like, maybe if I tried something or maybe if you know, maybe if he indicates a little bit more than he likes guys, then maybe I can come on to him. It wasn’t until you were in that state of comfortability. And then there was that lingering tension between the both of us because I’m very much a consent. Like, I’m all about design, even if we consent to doing some wild and crazy fucking shit. Like, I want to know that you’re into it, because that’s what makes it hot to me. But I think that was also necessary, in a sense, necessary in a sense, but like, kind of inevitable because I was super comfortable around you. I was super comfortable. Like, we were in our underwear, like around each other. It was just yeah; it was like kind of bound to happen. I kind of want to flip that question on you.

Christian

Okay, I asked that because, okay, like, you know, a whole sense of like I’ve been seeing recently on Twitter, not me on Twitter, but like on social media whole thing is like oh can gays be friends without having like, necessarily need to fuck and I’ve always thought of that as like, besides like you, I’m trying to think like, besides like really you any like real close like friend of mine that’s gay. I don’t really have known besides you and you were like the one that we did have like that quick brief encounter a couple of times in college. And I feel like that was just more or less like, I always liked you and loved you like as a person and Rihanna kind of always wanted to see if it could be more as a kind of is this like, is this what gay love is? Is this what this is like? This is someone that I’ve known for years, I came out to him. I think he knows me more than a lot of good bunch of my own family and like other friends know me. I feel like I agree, it was bound to happen before us to see that we are just pretty much like more like friends, whatever the case may be, but we were still comfortable to go to that experience. Like okay, we did it. We try it. It wasn’t really there anyway.

Alfonso  11:02

Chris, my question to you is emotional or spiritual intimacy involved in any of your casual encounters?

Christian 

I would say I would say I’m pretty much a lot, if not all of my casual encounters are very emotional. It’s just the energy I give because if there’s one thing about me is that I aim to please in bed is not really all about me. I get off on getting the other person off. And I feel like I reciprocate more emotional energies and spiritual, I feel like if you get that side of me, I would have to have met you at least twice already. Because I’m also not really a cuddles person like that after that’s like a very different level of intimacy for me that I kind of reserved more for a consistent like friends with benefits, then just a regular casual hookup unless we just really vibe like very well off the bat, which has happened but very handful of times.

Christian  12:06

After your last big breakup. How did that affect you in your approach to men? And how do you open up to other men now?

Alfonso 

Oh, okay, after my last big breakup, which, you know, that was a couple of years back or two years back. That was transformative. And that went into that relationship being very much super open to kind of anyone and I didn’t have too much of a guard I was very aware of people having you know, not so good intentions and people not necessarily doing right by you. Once they do acquire or obtain your companionship. But yeah, I went into the beginning of the year, meeting this person who was super intense in his approach, and I don’t know, I found that very endearing. And there were a lot of red flags in the beginning of that, that I willfully ignored. Like, during that relationship, I was diagnosed with HIV, I had like really severe depression. So coming out of that relationship was a huge, like, redemptive arc for me, because I felt like the experience broke me so much that I didn’t really have any other choice but to like, start rewiring my mind around dating, rewiring my mind around like, how I see the world, how I see personal relationships, and then how I viewed men. I just didn’t trust them. And I was comfortable not trusting them. Because I felt like if I had to flip my approach to dating on its head, to protect myself, so be it. I already saw the ramifications of being so willy nilly with my time and energy, and my love.

Christian  14:04

I just wanted to like I guess, like play off of that and like, last week, because like I’ve only ever been one relationship with a man and it just taught me how I can open up more to people and I just needed like date because I don’t really know how to date I feel like a lot of people don’t really know how to like date before is like especially gay community is just like, like very like you fuck before you don’t even know their name at times and I’m guilty of that. It’s just like taught me a lie, I guess to open myself more while I was I guess going through that breakup and then that’s when like I started hanging around, not really caring for myself or having like protected sex and you know, essentially what ended up coming out with that which is funny that it happened to you also, but I guess me contracting HIV as well later on. Having that like big wakeup call kindly gave me in a newfound sense of like renewed from my own way, and how I view myself but then also like the standard of people that I want to associate myself with.

Alfonso  

Did you feel supported enough during those first couple months?

Christian 

You did a lot more than you knew for me at the time honestly. I’m like more open about I’m just like accepting but it’s like it is what it is. I am doing what I can to keep myself healthy and not give this to anyone else. And that’s all I can trust. I can only trust myself at that point. Yeah, well, yeah, you know, it was rough but I It’s times like that that I give true like thanks that I have someone like you in my life.

Alfonso 

Yeah, I wasn’t sure how much guidance I could provide being in the situation myself just a few months fresher. And, but I’m glad I don’t even think we talked about it in that sense, ever. So what better time than now? You know, not to get too emotional because I feel like this is you know, I’m more emotional, but like we’re trucking along. So I had a glass.

Christian  16:04

Cheers. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX.

CREDITS

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media original. This show is produced by Claire Jones and Matthew Simonsson. Our supervising producer is Xorje Olivares, with Jackie Danziger as our story editor. Executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad with additional music from APM music. Sound design is by Matthew Simonsson and Elle Rinaldi. If you like GOOD SEX, the show not, you know? Why don’t you rate and review us listen and follow for new episodes each week, wherever you’re listening right now. And if you want more GOOD SEX, subscribe to Lemonada Premium only on Apple podcasts.