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Olympian Alexi Pappas may have won gold during the 2016 Summer Games representing Greece, but she wasn’t prepared for the debilitating depression she faced after the glory. Join Ricki in conversation with Alexi as they talk about losing loved ones to suicide, opting into life, and how Alexi regained her footing after her Olympic win and ensuing battle with her mental health.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Alexi Pappas, Ricki Lake

Ricki Lake  00:02

This is The High Life With me, Ricki Lake, where we find out how my guests crack the code to living a full and vibrant life so you can too. I am super excited to bring on the show Alexi Pappas. She is so many things. She’s a filmmaker, an actor, a writer, and you know what? Yeah, yeah, she’s also an Olympian. She competed for Greece in the 2016 Olympics, where she set a national record. Just a quick note to say that this episode deals with suicide, so please be mindful when and where you listen if you or someone you know needs help, please call or text the suicide in crisis Lifeline at 988. Alexis’ incredible memoir is called Bravey, and I am so grateful to talk to her today. Welcome Alexi.

 

Alexi Pappas  00:46

Thank you for having me. I love your nail polish color.

 

Ricki Lake  00:49

Oh, thank you, it’s actually, I’m gonna change your life right now. I’m gonna just say right now.

 

Alexi Pappas  00:54

Oh, tell me.

 

Ricki Lake  00:55

Have you heard of a Russian manicure?

 

Alexi Pappas  00:57

No.

 

Ricki Lake  00:58

It’s also known as a dry manicure. It’s a different way of doing a manicure, pedicure takes twice as long, it costs a little more money, but it lasts longer, and it’s like, pristine.

 

Alexi Pappas  01:08

Okay.

 

Ricki Lake  01:09

So I’m gonna hook you. I’ll hook you up later.

 

Alexi Pappas  01:10

Well, I’m so excited, because my nails have dirt in them, and I feel like I could, I feel like I’m the one who I will get my nails done very rarely, but it’ll, it should be at the highest level. That’s how I feel.

 

Ricki Lake  01:22

Well, I don’t know it’s like, I seem I’m way more of a girly girl now, because I’m more into fat. I just recently, like, transformed physically. I lost all this weight, but I’ve really I’m in the mood of wanting to be a girl, and so I’m taking care of my so thank you for the compliment.

 

Alexi Pappas  01:36

I think it’s awesome. I think it’s amazing.

 

Ricki Lake  01:39

One of the things we do at the top of the show, what are you getting high on lately? Like, what? What’s bringing you joy right now? Would you say?

 

Alexi Pappas  01:47

I love that question. Um, okay, so I would say, what’s bringing me joy is this is new, because you said lately, and hopefully it will last a very long time. But I think I’ve recently become more aware of the mystery of the universe and the mystery of the universe. I’m not going to say like it’s silly, and I think what I mean by that is what’s giving me joy is knowing that I don’t know what’s going to come at me and what’s going to happen, but accepting that by opting into life which I’m opting in, there’s going to be good and bad things that happen, and that is a joyful surprise to me. And so I think what’s giving me that high feeling is knowing that there’s a never ending reservoir of uncertainty and that that’s a really good thing. And, it’s, it’s very, it’s making me very energized lately to think about it.

 

Ricki Lake  02:47

And you’re at such a good age. I mean, what? You’re 34 right? 30 – 34 so you’re Taylor Swift’s age?

 

Alexi Pappas  02:54

Oh, yeah, okay, I’ll always be Taylor Swift’s age, you will.

 

Ricki Lake  02:58

I mean, that means something to me and probably a lot of other people but like, when I think about think about it, because I have two children, I have a 27 year old and a almost 23 year old, so I think of my life in like, chapters, and I think who I was at 34 you know, I was a new mom. I was doing my talk show, which I don’t even know if you grew up like, did you grow up with my show back in the day?

 

Alexi Pappas  03:17

Yeah, I think, honestly, so I grew up with these au pairs, right? So we had these babysitters that would come from other countries and stay with us. And that was my dad was a single parent, and I’m pretty sure you were, like, very informative to them. So it wasn’t like I was sitting there glued to the show myself, but it was, it was an influence on my influences.

 

Ricki Lake  03:40

And yeah, I understand. And I remember I read about your first au pair, Pedra. Is her name Petra, right? Yeah. I mean, it’s devastating. You had that bond with her, and they had to leave at the year mark. Like, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you without your mom. And, I mean, the bond must have been so strong, it’s like, it must be like a death over and over again for you.

 

Alexi Pappas  04:06

Yeah, it was weird, because I got used to it. So I think it’s odd when you realize that you’re used to something that is a loss and that it’s very normal, and that it kind of became, for me, it was normal to think I would end up on my own. And so it wasn’t that I felt sorry for myself. It was more that I was like, I need to learn how to adapt and take what’s good from these opportunities, whether it’s a year with an au pair that I loved or anything else, and then realize that I probably won’t have it forever. And I think that I yeah, I think it just made me grow these muscles of like I will walk this earth alone.

 

Ricki Lake  04:53

Wow, I can’t imagine. I mean, I, I know you lost your mom at four to suicide, which I’m not sure if you’re aware. I also I lost my second husband to suicide and bipolar disorder seven years ago. So obviously, very different when it’s not your mom. But in going through that experience, what did that do to you as a human, a developing in the formative years. How did that impact you?

 

Alexi Pappas  05:24

Yeah, well, look, I think the way it really impacted me was that I didn’t have a resource, right? That, like a very I didn’t have a resource that I would never fully understand, like what it was either. So I think for me, there was a strong desire to have whatever it was that that resource represented. So for me, it was I didn’t have information. I didn’t have, like, this certain tender connection that I perceived in other mother daughter relationships. I know it doesn’t always happen, and so when you and a number of other things, advice, wisdom, hand me downs, whatever, right? And I didn’t have those things, but I was surrounded by other influences and a pretty like a great childhood, just one that made me a little bit more scrappy, probably. And, yeah, I think in my house, I was, like, it was a more androgynous vibe, right? Like it was just kind of, we just seen food on the table. We’re gonna play sports. We’re gonna like, cry and laugh and like it what? It wasn’t a very, I wouldn’t say it was a very feminine or masculine house. It was just sort of a house of three people trying to kind of end up okay.

 

Ricki Lake  06:47

And you, yeah, you ended up okay, more than okay. How did you turn into, like, a sports phenomenon?

 

Alexi Pappas  06:55

Yeah, so my dad, look, my dad knew sports right, and he was in it. He’s an engineer, so he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, or maybe he does, but he doesn’t know how and sports were, like the most obvious way to help raise me in a community, right? It is a community thing. There’s values, there’s people, there’s rules, there’s loss. Like, sports are a great environment. And so he put me in sports and thought that that would be, you know, a net positive.

 

Ricki Lake  07:24

At what age? At what age do you start at, like five, you were in the soccer or or something.

 

Alexi Pappas  07:30

Yeah,like four, and it was all sports, right, as basketball, soccer, softball, all these things, gymnastics, even. And I was best at running, but I didn’t love running until much later, till college. But I loved teams, and I loved assigning a life or death goal to something that was not life or death, right? Like it was fun to die on the field for something that was a game.

 

Ricki Lake  07:57

And did you like, was it was winning a big, big part of it like being the best?

 

Alexi Pappas  08:02

Yeah, it was because winning felt objective, right? And so many other things felt subjective in life, of like fair or unfair, love, all these like ephemeral, fleeting things that you can’t quite like love is like this cloud, like you’re trying to grab it and grasp it, but a win and a goal and a fast mile time and all these things were very objective and simple, and they were meritocracies. For the most part, it’s earned value, and I liked having that kind of control, where I felt so out of control at home, and I also learned more recently that I think I have like a maybe a PTSD from some of those childhood memories where I didn’t feel pain like most kids felt, because there were so many things I saw that were unseeable. My mom is also bipolar. She was manic, and so there’s a lot of like craziness going on, and so I might have had adult perception or feeling of pain and and so I think I could push really hard, right? I still can, and maybe there was, like a an empowerment in that.

 

Ricki Lake  09:17

The bipolar thing. I mean, for me, you know, I was a grown. I was an adult. This was my second marriage. He was not the father of my children, but witnessing a psychosis for the first time of my husband that I had spent at that time we were together for four years, and seeing him turn into literally, a different person in front of my eyes and behave towards me in a way that I’d never imagined him he it was terrifying. I mean, that, in some ways, was more shocking for me than the actual him, taking his life because that I knew that he had the depression piece too. Did your dad not get you help? Like, were you able to see doctors psychiatrists, when that when you lost your mom’s young.

 

Alexi Pappas  10:02

Well, you know, he didn’t tell me how she died, and that was really hard for me, because I thought she died from smoking cigarettes, because she smoked cigarettes, and it was the 90s when a lot of people were like, cigarettes are bad. And I was like, well, she smoked cigarettes, and she’s dead now, so that must have been what, what killed her. And I had these memories, because I saved her life one time, but I didn’t really understand that part until my best friend told me how she passed away, and that wasn’t until seventh grade, so it was many years later, and I guess everybody knew, and I didn’t know, and my dad, I think we saw like, what we called a talking doctor, a little bit, but I remember just them watching me, like, play with toys, like it felt very it didn’t, I didn’t feel very loved in that environment. And it was very brief, and it felt like maybe, I mean, look, he my dad, was also probably grieving and trying to figure out what to do. So I would say that the mental health piece was really absent in a strong way, until I had a post Olympic depression when I was, like, 26 after the Olympics. And then I had to really get that relationship to be one that that was meaningful to me, yes, but I think, yeah, back then it was like a it was a shameful thing to talk about. And my dad, I think, was quite embarrassed, maybe, or ashamed. I’m not going to speak for him, but I think he was confused, right, you know, and it was probably really hard for him to, you know, understand what what was happening.

 

Ricki Lake  11:43

And what a kid needs in that time yeah.

 

Ricki Lake  11:46

We’ll pick up our conversation with Alexi Pappas in a moment after a short break.

 

Ricki Lake  12:01

Okay, so let’s talk about your running career. How did you get to be a champion? Like, like, was running? You just, you were just always the fastest. Was it sprinting? Was it long distance? Did you do it all? How’d you do it?

 

Alexi Pappas  12:12

Yeah, well, running, let’s see it, is a sport where you can put in time and get better, I think no matter where you start. So to say, you know, right off the bat, it’s hard for everybody, and everybody can run and improve and watch themselves achieve the outermost limits of their mind and body, is like something that I believe about running, and it’s a social sport. So it was a sport that I felt could grow with me once I found friends to enjoy it with. So I’m just sharing you know this about the sport itself, and then for me personally, I am a gifted runner, like I know that I’m meant to run, but it took a long time to find first, the joy in the sport, because in high school, I was really good, but didn’t love it. I found that joy when I found those teammates, and then it took a really long time to get good enough at running to be competitive on a national level, because if you take shortcuts in a sport like running, they will hurt you later on. So it’s a weight bearing sport, so you can stop eating and get really, really fast, but then you’ll break and you’ll, you know.

 

Ricki Lake  13:24

Yeah, I read in your book that you took time off in the years that you were actually still developing, and that helped you become a better athlete, right?

 

Alexi Pappas  13:33

For sure. Yeah. I mean, puberty is a superpower, like, I really believe that, but female sports are not always timed to accommodate development, and that’s the word that, you know, I would equate with puberty, right? It’s a developing time. You’re going from a child to an adult, and the adult’s more capable, but the adult needs time to, like, grow. So, so, yeah. So that that meant that I went through, yes, I didn’t run while I was going through puberty, because I was playing soccer and all these other sports, and the coaches didn’t let me do all of those things. They wanted me to just run, and I wasn’t ready. And then I found running again in college, when I was happy to be doing it, but I was very out of shape because I had been doing all these other things, and I had been going to puberty.

 

Ricki Lake  14:25

Out of shape as a runner. You’re still an athlete because me in high school, I was out of shape. I was 200 pounds. Okay, that’s a whole different.

 

Alexi Pappas  14:35

Right, it’s a relative. It’s a relative. I was in shape for a different sport, and more in shape in a dynamic way, not like a hyper specific way. And I think really, though, like with running, it is a craft, and you can work on different elements of it and get better, just like probably any other craft, right? You don’t just run your event. I practice every day. You work on different elements of it, and then you hope you have a coach that can help you bring it together over the course of a season, over the course of a career, you know.

 

Ricki Lake  15:10

Right, can you take us back to 2016 to the Summer Olympics? You were there representing Greece, right?

 

Alexi Pappas  15:17

That’s right.

 

Ricki Lake  15:17

And you ended up competing in the 10k which is, which is, how many miles is that like, six miles, 6.2 miles? Yeah, okay, okay, I knew that. I knew that. And you ran your personal best. Can you tell us about what you were going through and what gave you the perseverance to achieve such an amazing feat?

 

Alexi Pappas  15:34

Yeah? Well, I trusted my coach, so I think that is a gift, right? There’s so many, there’s a variation in, like, what kind of guidance you get. And my coach was amazing, and I trusted him, and I believed in him. I think believe and trust are two, like, related, but different things. So belief is like, I believe that this person is the person to guide me. I believe in his coaching. I believe in this process and trust, I think, is your ability to, I guess, just follow the program, like, actually do what you’re told. And then when I got to the games, I was peaked, which is kind of like, if you imagine a pencil that you sharpen most of the season, you want it to be dull and strong, and then when you get to the games, you want to be super, super sharp, just for that event. And when you are you get to really enjoy the race the most, because your body will do what your mind wants it to do for maybe the first time in your life in a fully expressive way.

 

Ricki Lake  16:41

Wow, and you broke this record. So you broke your own record at that time?

 

Alexi Pappas  16:45

Yeah, I broke my own record, and the world record was broken in the race, and 80% of the field broke national records. So it was sort of like this big festival of women. That’s what it felt like out there.

 

Ricki Lake  16:59

How did you deal with the depression after the Olympics in 2016 and you came home?

 

Alexi Pappas  17:05

I came home and I denied and rejected any bad feelings because I was well. I was told, when I was young, once I knew how my mom died, that she was just so sad that she had to go. And that narrative was supposed to make me feel better, but it actually made me feel that this sadness or depression was something that once it got you, it was going to kill you. And so I was like, Well, I better avoid that feeling. And I knew that I was half her, so I was like, I don’t know what what this is. And when I looked at childhood pictures of hers, or even high school, she looked happy, so I was like, is it just like a does it just hit you? And so when I felt it, I just tried to get away from it and tried to deny it, because I thought that accepting it meant like a death wish, basically. And then my dad was very astute. I mean, it was probably pretty obvious, but he he knew that what I was saying to him, particularly the stuff of, like, I’ve ruined my whole life, and it’s going to get it’s never going to be good again. So, like, predicting the future is a very unwell thing to do, right? If you think you know the future, you’re sick because we don’t.

 

Ricki Lake  18:21

What made you say that you’d ruined everything?

 

Alexi Pappas  18:24

Basically, so I had a situational depression, which is like, you’re okay, you’re okay, and then a series of things happens, and you dip, almost like you fall into a well. And I was, I was trying to, like, do sponsor negotiations, which are stressful, move coaches, move cities, move events, and wasn’t sure about like pursuing athletics or creative arts and all this stuff. So what made me think that the future was never going to be better than than the past was that I felt that any decision I made was going was the wrong one, and I thought that I was ruining my life with all of the attempts at growth that I was making, and I also didn’t feel fully aligned with my choices, so I felt pressured to take a big contract instead of staying with the coach and the team I was on. So I think there was just a conflict inside me with all these decisions, and that made me feel like I was ruining my life. But really, I was just sick, so, like I could have been anything, and I had a dysmorphic view of what I was doing and experiencing. I had a dysmorphic view of time, of money, of my body, of everything.

 

Ricki Lake  19:37

Yeah, I saw that thing you did in the New York Times about like your brain had an injury. And that really helped me. When Christian died, and explaining to my children, because my children were very angry, my older son, who was like a freshman in college, he was so pissed at him, and I was trying to explain, it’s like he has like, it’s like he has cancer in his brain. It’s like he couldn’t help it, you know? It’s a really hard thing to wrap your head around. When your mom, you know, makes this choice, it’s like it wasn’t a choice.

 

Alexi Pappas  20:06

Well, I do think that it was a choice, to be honest. Like, I do hold her accountable. I think that she was very, very sick and injured, and I think she didn’t get the greatest care. Like, I understand that the care she got, it didn’t help her. And I understand, actually, that the care she got based on my research and finding some of her her worksheets and things wouldn’t have helped me either. So I understand that, but I think that we are always responsible to try. And I mean, I think that she was responsible to try and stay in this world. I think we are all responsible to try and help people better than we do. But I think it’s really the feeling that you’re unhelpable that causes people to go. And I believe that we are helpable or manageable, right? But I also believe that the people who go believe that they’re unhelpable.

 

Ricki Lake  21:00

Yeah, it’s such a, it’s such a complex thing. And it’s, it’s, yeah, but, but it’s in far, as far as your dealing with your depression. You said you made the decision to, like, commit to a care with a doctor, like you would with your coaches and your your training.

 

Alexi Pappas  21:16

Yeah, like, well, and it and not, I had to talk to multiple doctors, right? And I found one that felt like coaches had felt to me. And so maybe that’s where athletics is helpful, because you know how to find you know the feeling of of trusting someone who’s not in your family, right, with guiding you. Athletes are great at that with their coaches. And so yeah, Dr Arpaio was like a coach to me, and I met with him several times a week, so I wasn’t going to practice. I was going to the doctors in Oregon. And he taught me to well, he taught me that actions change, first, then thoughts, then feelings, in that order, only, so actions, then thoughts, than feelings, and that was helpful, because my feelings were awful, right? My thoughts were terrible. And he was like, you have thoughts. You are not your thoughts, like all these principles, right? And maybe that also helped me is to have all these principles to, like, lean on. And then the actions were something that he guided, and they were helpful.

 

Ricki Lake  22:20

What were the actions that he told you to take?

 

Alexi Pappas  22:23

Well, he had me try a lot of things, and some of them weren’t useful. So I think that’s that was another thing is he said, focus on what’s useful. So like for me, meditation didn’t really do anything because I was way too anxious for that. But what was helpful? I mean, I was on a kind of catalyzing medication for a few months, and that I’m sure helped being outside, helped calling him and calling my dad whenever I needed to, helped, right? He made me do a lot of writing exercises that just I think, that stuff might reprogram some of my thoughts. And it was a lot of repetitive writing, like I remember, I had to write 100 times in a notebook, day by day. I’m getting better in every way. Like it was like, over and over and over again I had this in a notebook, and it’s just like, I guess when your thoughts are so negative, you’re trying to kind of reinscribe on yourself. So it was just like, but also, you know what, something interesting was that he did not isolate me from the world. So, like, I had appearances as an athlete that I didn’t want to go to, right, go speak at a at a run club in Texas, in Grapevine, Texas, and I was like, I can’t do that. I’m like, out of my mind. And he’s like, Well, I think you can do that. And so he he knew to keep me involved in things that gave me value in the world, and they were the hardest things I ever did, but he was there. He was texting me. We wrote, I wrote the speech ahead of time, and I somehow managed to do it. And I think him keeping me connected with the world was was important, because a lot of times depression makes you feel completely disconnected.

 

Ricki Lake  23:58

Yeah, and yeah, alone Absolutely. That’s his. He sounds amazing. I wish all doctors were like him.

 

Alexi Pappas  24:04

Yeah, he’s amazing.

 

Ricki Lake  24:07

Don’t go anywhere. We’re gonna take a short break and we’ll be right back with Alexi Pappas.

 

Ricki Lake  24:26

I wanted to ask you about the title of your book, Bravey. What? What does that mean to you? If you could describe that?

 

Alexi Pappas  24:33

Yeah, well, the word is, you know, comes from the word brave, but I think the made up element of it, that it’s not a real word, that it’s more of a noun that you can assign yourself, is way more me, because I think the words in the world that already exist are things that people might have to assign to you, so like pretty or fast, you really have to earn right. People assigned you or you have to earn them. So I think the word bravey is just a choice, and that feels awesome to me, right? Like you can just decide I am a bravey, and it means this to me. And I think to give people that well, one, people responded to it, right? So I pay attention to like, what are these people that I’m connecting with responding to? But two, I think they responded to it because it’s helpful to have some things in life that you can just decide to be like, much like your nail polish color. You’re like, I am this nail polish color is it’s empowering, right, to have it be something you choose. And I think bravies are curious, but also like, we fall down, right? And there’s like, there’s a sense of, like, not sheltering yourself from the challenges in the in life, but like, kind of approaching them like an Alice in Wonderland, where it’s like, yeah, life is like, kind of wild and labyrinthian, but that’s what it that’s what we’re choosing.

 

Ricki Lake  25:59

Can we talk about Glop for a minute.

 

Alexi Pappas  26:01

Sure.

 

Ricki Lake  26:01

As you mentioned it in your book, is it an actual word, or is it something you made up? It’s a word, right?

 

Alexi Pappas  26:07

I don’t know if it’s a word, but one of my mentors and my doctors told me about it, which maybe the scientific word is something else. This is the the liquid state of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

 

Ricki Lake  26:19

The chrysalis.

 

Alexi Pappas  26:20

The chrysalis, yeah, whatever they are inside the chrysalis. I call it glop, and that’s just, and I’m curious about your evolution too. Is when you’re going through change, it doesn’t always feel so great during that transformation time, especially initially, when you’re your old normal like, unravels and disintegrates, and it’s just, it’s a shock, right?

 

Ricki Lake  26:45

Yeah, it’s a loss, too. It’s like, it’s having to sort of reinvent and figure out your your way out of something. I mean, I’ve had many, many chrysalis moments in my life, both personally, professionally, physically, yeah, and you come on the other side and it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s a gift. Like, it’s always for me, like all the trauma that I’ve gone through and the loss and it in the on the other side of it, it makes sense. Like, you can, you know you are, you’re a better I mean, I could speak for myself. I’m a better me, having gone through all of those hardships and all of those transitions, all the glop.

 

Alexi Pappas  27:21

Yeah, do you like, do you I’m genuinely curious, like when you’re going through a change, are you like when you’re in glop? Do you find does it get easier, because you’ve gone through many changes in your life? So is it? Is glop easier in its later iterations.

 

Ricki Lake  27:45

I mean, it seems easier because the time has passed, like, I’m trying to think of which which thing that I’ve gone through. It’s like, it’s worth it. Like, on the other side of all the stuff we go through, I think it makes us evolve into better, more, you know, empathic, more, more just conscious people. And I know in my case, I’m super just, I have such gratitude for all of the chapters and all of the stuff I’ve gone through. And I’m a lot, you know, I’m 20 years old, older than you, but I feel like you have this wisdom that I don’t think I had at your age, you know?

 

Alexi Pappas  28:22

Well, I think maybe what changes for us. I mean, you and I both had a kind of Olympics, in a way, yours was just like a repeated Olympics.

 

Ricki Lake  28:34

Are you referring to my show?

 

Alexi Pappas  28:35

I’m referring to your show in terms of that’s, I mean, that’s what I’m thinking about, yeah, and I think that what’s interesting about that and the Olympics is, like, it’s a peak that is outward facing, right? Like it’s a it’s a outward facing achievement, right? But I think that since then, for me personally, my goals have become less objective and like, singular and shiny objects. So like, it’s not a an Olympics. And I don’t know if you agree with that for your own life, of like, it’s not this one thing that you need or want. And I, I mean, I would guess by being in a podcast host and all the other things you’re doing now, you’re just interested in a you’re interested more broadly in, like, where your life is going, instead of more point specific. You know, that’s very true, well. And so what that means is, like, we are moving more toward North Stars that are feelings and values versus objective goals, right? And that I find very interesting, because it’s like, okay, if the North Star is like a feeling or a value, then it puts you in a galaxy underneath it all that is all in service of like the feeling or the value that you’re aligned with now. And it doesn’t have to be just one thing. It can be a number of pursuits, and if one gets taken away from you, you can find another to get that same feeling. And when I’m saying this, because. You said, all of your hardships, your challenges, have somehow been worth it, and I think it’s because you’re in the right galaxy, like you’re in the galaxy, toward moving toward the things that are important to you. And so anything that’s hard is still moving you toward there, because it’s an opportunity to, like, exercise your values that you now have, and the feelings.

 

Ricki Lake  30:22

Totally and I think it’s perspective too, because it’s the way you see it. And so I feel like, of late, I’m, I’m really in this place of just appreciation for all of it and and then I deserve it. You know, that’s the other thing. It’s like the self love thing that comes through, like, like, all the hard stuff that we go through. I mean, I’m sure you must have this sense of self and achievement like you must feel, I would imagine you really feel like you’re the shit, right? Look at this beautiful book that you wrote. Look at this incredible achievement with the Olympics and got making these movies. And I mean, it’s you’re doing it all. I hope you like, sit back and receive, please receive from me that, like, wow, you are, like, doing remarkable things, and when you, when you, like, got your personal best. I mean, what? What did that feel like? Did you feel your mother’s energy and presence? Did you, do you feel her like along all these, like, incredible accolades and achievements that you’ve had. Do you feel her like supporting you on the other side?

 

Alexi Pappas  31:23

Yeah, I believe that I feel her most in specific moments of Kismet good and bad luck, to be honest, and that’s more in like, everyday life. So like, when I lose a favorite headband for like, three days, and then I find it in this very obscure spot. I’m like, okay, she hid it from me, and then I found it again. Or, I don’t know, I had a film premiere last week that coincided with a race, and I wouldn’t have been able to do both unless they were in the same place and they were and I think, like, those are the things that are, maybe I’m connected with her on or like I meet somebody, I think when it comes to like an accomplishment, like the Olympics, or these moments, I know that I worked my my butt off to be there, and I think those are more moments where I’m proud of myself, and I have a deepened relationship with myself. I’m sure she’s very proud, but I’m sure she’s very impressed, not necessarily she did that race for me, if that makes sense, like It’s like she’s there, but she’s there more in the process. So and as far as the I’m the shit thing, I think how I really feel is that I just want to keep being in the game, like I just like playing in this life, and I know that no one is going to take care of me more than I’m going to take care of myself. So I hope that I still continue to have the opportunities to play whatever the arts, sports, but that’s really like when I sit down and feel proud, I’m more like, I’m just happy that I get to keep playing, that’s what I really want.

 

Ricki Lake  33:04

Yeah, and you’re still actively like a competitive runner.

 

Alexi Pappas  33:07

Yes, I’m running some trail races competitively, and then I’m guiding for blind athletes and running as kind of more like a mentor. So I’m going to the Olympics this summer, but I’m mentoring Olympians and running in this marathon with at night for the it’s a marathon for the people. So I’m like, I’m like, a fairy god sister in that way.

 

Ricki Lake  33:32

I love hiking, and I’ve recently just lost all this weight. I lost 40 pounds without drugs, and I’m in this like, I’m 55 and yet I feel like I’m the fittest I’ve ever been in my life. I feel the best in my skin right now, and it is like a protocol. I mean, I go hiking every single day, where I live in Malibu, three miles with my dog, and I do Pilates, and I do all these things, but like, what are some of your rituals to keep you motivated when maybe some days you don’t feel like running?

 

Alexi Pappas  33:57

Let’s see, I have a coffee routine in the morning, and it brings me great joy. Like, I make, like a goat milk latte with collagen and like, I know where the coffee beans come from. So I think first, like, the routines come with a belief in, like, what I’m doing, and that it’s like a loving coming from a loving place, whether it’s like coffee or food in general. When I was training for the Olympics, I knew the farmers that I bought the food from and the butchers and all that. And so I think I have an emotional connection to what I put in my body. I think that’s one thing. I pick out clothes that make me feel like a little superhero. So I think when I’m going out to train or go on a hike, because I like hiking too, and I think I’m at the other end of all the trails that you’re on, because I’m like, top of Topanga, basically. So I think, you know, I could walk a certain distance and meet you somewhere.

 

Ricki Lake  34:48

Yeah, I could see you up at Topanga lookout.

 

Alexi Pappas  34:50

Yeah, exactly.

 

Ricki Lake  34:51

Amazing, amazing, short hike.

 

Alexi Pappas  34:53

Yeah. So, okay, so there’s that I.

 

Ricki Lake  34:57

You wear glitter, you wear that high ponytail.

 

Alexi Pappas  34:59

Yeah, it’s all look, aren’t these all things that either make what we’re doing feel more official, right? Whether it’s like you decide what time you’re going out the door, or more fun, like, a little more fun, like, this isn’t punishment, right? It’s like all, it’s a choice we’re making.

 

Ricki Lake  35:19

I feel like you need to come over someday, and we should, like, go on a hike, or maybe go on a run or something.

 

Alexi Pappas  35:25

We should hike, please, and we could hike jog.

 

Ricki Lake  35:28

I would love that. I would love that. I mean, I have to say, like, for my mood, my mental health. I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s become my meditation. Like I go every morning with, usually with my husband, sometimes he can’t go, and I go with my little rescue dog. And it’s, I mean, it’s like a choice. It’s like, I flipped the script. It’s not a chore. It’s, it’s a privilege. I actually look at it. It’s like being 55 and my body is fit and healthy and well, and I don’t hurt anywhere. It is a privilege that I get to actually move my body and live in this beautiful part of the world. You know? It’s, it’s like, like I said, flipping the script. That’s how I look at it. It’s like, because I’m someone that hated exercise, I hated dieting, I hated my body, I, you know, I and it’s just a really nice place to be, to be 55 and actually love my body and feel so strong, you know? So I, yeah, I would love I feel as much as we’re like, you could be my child your age, I feel a kinship. You know, I feel like, like we’re connected in some way through a lot of what our experiences have been. Tell me about mentor buffet.

 

Alexi Pappas  36:35

Oh, this show. Oh my gosh. So mentor buffet is a podcast that is talking to people who influence us, about people who influence them. So I think the idea is really that we may or may not have direct access to mentors, you know. And mentors could be someone who gave you advice one time in your life, like that is mentorship, if it if it guided you. And I’m interested in talking to people in different industries who have, you know, accomplished something that they probably did not do alone, and learning about what those lessons were, and learning how these people think, not necessarily what they do, but how they think.

 

Ricki Lake  37:19

That’s super interesting. You’re amazing. I really enjoyed this conversation. I think you’re awesome, and I’m totally gonna meet you for a hike.

 

Alexi Pappas  37:29

I would love that. I really, I think your your life has been it’s very unique, and your curiosity is so obviously, like it’s, it’s fueling you, it seems, and I feel like your journey with your body and movement, um, is really special too, because I guess it’s just I take for granted sometimes, like we are carrying this vessel around, and it must be really hard and then really, really euphoric to find out that it can be your best teammate.

 

Ricki Lake  38:07

My meat suit is my best friend.

 

Alexi Pappas  38:09

Oh, that’s awesome. Wait, what’s a meat suit? Is that a body meat suit?

 

Ricki Lake  38:14

That’s my that’s a body my meat suit? Yeah, we’re all, we’re all just a meat suit. Yeah, I mean, it’s, it’s, I’m still, like, a walk in progress, a work in progress, you know, like, I still, you know, have moments of just, Oh, I see my skin is sagging here, whatever. But, like, I go back to just appreciation that my mind, I’m healthy, that I’m healthy, that I feel good. And, you know, so, it’s, it’s just, um, my journey is, is one. I’m still very much on. Alexi, thank you so much. It’s been such a pleasure. I really appreciate you coming on and talking with me.

 

Alexi Pappas  38:49

Thank you. And I think if you start some sort of a walking group or write a book, it should be called a walk in progress.

 

Ricki Lake  38:56

Ah, I’m writing that down.

 

Alexi Pappas  38:58

You said it and it was your Freudian slip. And I was like, Wait, that’s an amazing way. That’s a better way than saying work in progress, right? And it’s more related to you.

 

CREDITS  39:08

Oh my gosh, a walk in progress. I love that. This woman, I’m telling you, she’s got so much depth. I was so impressed with her. She’s a badass. And I have to say, if anyone was going to convince me to become a runner, I think it was her, because I’ve never been interested in running. It is not my thing, but hearing about what it’s done for her mental health along with her physical health, it’s definitely made me think twice, and I might just start Alexi Pappas, his memoir is called Bravey. I highly recommend it, and keep an ear out for her upcoming podcast Mentor Buffet. Thank you so much for listening, and there’s more of the high life with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like rapid fire, Q and A’s with my guests you won’t want to miss subscribe now in Apple podcasts, you. The High Life is a production of Lemonada Media Isabella Kulkarni and Kathryn Barnes produced our show. Our mix are by James Sparber. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittles Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Additional Lemonada support from Rachel Neal and Steve Nelson. You can find me @RickiLake  on Instagram. Follow The High Life with Ricki Lake, wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.