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In this ‘Best of’ compilation we hear some of our all time favorite calls and advice from Sarah over this past season, all jam packed into one episode. You won’t want to miss this!

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Ally, Annie, Sender 8, Chelsea, Sarah Silverman, Sender 4, Mary, Sender 3, Sender 7, Amy

Sarah Silverman  00:14

Hi everybody. It’s your best pal, Sarah. You know, I read so actually, Rory texted me a story from the news. What’s it from actually? Something that he follows that animal news, or something, a group of sperm whales was attacked by a big group of orca whales, orcas. They’re just called orcas, right? And they were able to fend them off. How? I’ll tell you, this is a defense mechanism that they use sperm whales. It’s a defensive explosive diarrhea. And I’m not just saying that, because this is exactly what I would want it to be, it’s actually true. They expel explosive diarrhea, and then they use their giant fins and, like, fan it over to where the orcas are coming from. And they get lost in a cloud, a diarrhea cloud, and it disorients them, and probably makes them lose their appetite. I mean, just using explosive diarrhea as a defense mechanism is so inspiring to me. I mean, I’m getting rid of my rape whistle. That just reminds me. My friend Mark Cohen said his stage name is Ray Whistle. It always makes me laugh. All right, let’s take some calls.

 

Ally  01:58

Hi, Sarah, this is Ally. I used to work at a pizza place, and I always wore jeans. I always do wear jeans. They’re super comfortable, and I think they look good, and they take a mess well, I feel like like they took flower well, but one day, a co worker of mine wore jeans, and I guess he normally didn’t, but he was feeling good. He said something about how his jeans made him in a good mood. And I’m always in a good mood. Rarely do I wear, like athletic wear, or sweats or anything. Do you think there’s something to this that jeans boost mood, or that happy people wear jeans or something? I know you wear a lot of jeans, thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:33

I wake up and throw on my jeans. Sure. I mean, I think whatever makes you happy makes you happy, and that certainly could be one of them. There’s something like their structure, but they’re comfortable. It doesn’t feel like you’re in pajamas. But, um, it’s so funny because I remember, I don’t know if this is in any way and, uh, has anything to do with this call, but it just made me think of it as I lost my virginity, my freshman and only year of college, but to like a 30 year old man, and I was positive. I had AIDS, 100% positive AIDS, because it was itchy down there. And so I went to the free NYU gynecologist, and it was a man to like, I can’t even imagine now, but um, and he let me know that I actually just had a yeast infection. And here’s, you know, monostat or whatever. And then he said, you know, you should be wearing dresses and skirts and not jeans all the time. I thought, what a cock. I mean, can you imagine fucking a but on the other hand, there was a time when one of my sisters got used so many yeast infections. She used to say that if she even looks at a pair of jeans, she’d get one. So he may have had some kind of point, but everybody’s different. All right, what else?

 

Chelsea  04:05

Hi, Sarah. It’s Chelsea from Toad. Becky and Chelsea in the AC Show. From the AC Show, we’re doing great. We are hopefully getting together soon, but the real reason I called was to ask you if you have ever experienced the foot fetish guy. I put some heels for sale on Facebook marketplace, and I have received over 12 inbox messages from men asking for feed pictures on Facebook marketplace. I’m pretty sure that they have websites for that, like feet finder.com but for some reason, these men keep reaching out on Facebook marketplace and. And I’m really just trying to sell high heels that I can’t wear anymore, so I was curious to see if anyone else had that experience. But, yeah, it’s really creepy when I just want to make some money off of my shoes and not my body parts. Not putting that down. I’m just saying I don’t think that’s what Facebook marketplace is for.

 

Sarah Silverman  05:25

You don’t?

 

Chelsea  05:25

All right, I love you. I was gonna say hope to see you soon, but I guess I can watch you on the internet at any point in time. Okay, I love you.

 

Sarah Silverman  05:33

Bye, Chelsea. I’m so glad you guys still hang out. Makes me so happy. Yes I did. I briefly dated one guy who I fucking love, we’re still friends, who is a foot guy, and I didn’t put it together. In the beginning, we were fixed up, and we were on different coasts. So it started as just like FaceTiming and emailing and, you know, whatever, and, and I remember him going, um, you know, send me a picture of your feet, like you’re on vacation. Like, you know, people take pictures of their feet, like, you know, in front of the ocean or whatever. And I was like, yeah, but I’m just in my room. He’s like, Yeah, they’ll be funny. And I was like, am I right? You know, I sent it to him. I didn’t think anything of it until later, when we then we started kind of dating, and we were having sexual relations, and it completely revealed itself. I mean, he’s really funny, too, and but he is a total foot guy, and he liked seeing like, the bottoms of my feet. So, like, we’d be fooling around, and then he’d be like, let me see those slabs. He called him slabs, which is, I just thought was hilarious. And then I was like, well, showing, you know, flipping my feet so he could see I’m, like, in such a precarious position to try to, like, be sexual with him, and also have my feet, the bottoms, my feet, facing up that he can see. But it was very funny, and then he’s like, you know, laughing isn’t helping. And I was like, yeah, I can’t help you. Can’t ask me to show you my slabs, and also not laugh at all. Great guy, wonderful sweetheart of a guy who is now married with two kids. Everyone’s got, you know, there’s always a kink. Let me just say there’s, there is not a kink you can think of that is not already a thing on the internet. There’s nothing you can think of that doesn’t exist. So, you know, when you think you’re a freak with you know weird things, just know that you’re probably are at least a handful of you. What else?

 

Sender 3  07:54

Hello, Sarah. I am calling to ask, I know that you call yourself godless, and you have a sister who is a rabbi, and I always thought that was very interesting, and you you come across as having a good relationship with her. I grew up in a Presbyterian household. My dad was a pastor, and my sister is a pastor, and I’ve actually had really good conversations with them. Faith is really, not really a part of my life anymore. I would consider myself agnostic, and I’ve had good conversations with them about, you know, whether God does exist or what role religion plays in our life, and you know, the doubts I might have. And my dad’s response really surprised me. He said, you know, it just sounds like you’re becoming a mature, thoughtful person, and you’re asking really good questions, and I was so grateful for his openness, because I was really scared to reveal that part of myself to him. I’m wondering if you and your sister have had any conversations about that, and whether there’s any tension given, given her career and your your godlessness. Anyway, love you. Hope you’re doing well bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:04

Yeah, we were extremely close, actually, and she was just visiting, and we actually talked about it, because, you know, I, I’ve, I’ve talked about the fact that she’s a rabbi, and I’m godless, and I think I would maybe say I am an agnostic. I can’t imagine that there is this, this God would but also, what is the notion of God? It’s like, it’s such a fluid kind of, well, not for some people, of course, you know. But like, I would tell a story about how, you know, I would be so cunty and say to Susie rabbi, Susie like, Oh, you, you think there’s a man in the sky, you know? And that she had this such a disarming response, which was, well, I like to live my life as though, as though there is one and, and so I told that story, actually on that night when I had an interview, when. Um, I did that live interview with Dave Letterman, and she was there, and afterwards, she said, You know, I don’t believe there’s a man in the sky, but I believe in God, in that I believe that God is in all of us. And she wasn’t being defensive about it. And this is like, how she is a rabbi, that she sees holiness in community, in us, and, you know, all these things. So not to say, like, no, she doesn’t believe, you know, she is just, she’s a god person. But the way in which people are God people runs a really, really wide spectrum, of course. And, yeah, we’re very close. What we do is not wildly dissimilar. You know, she, she gives sermons, she writes thoughtful pieces about life and and, and I tell dick jokes and pussy jokes, all right? What else? All right.

 

Sender 4  11:02

Hey, friends, I would just like to clarify something on the topic of God coming in one’s mouth. So I was raised Southern Baptist by preacher, actually, and I’m going to try and go about this in the way I think he would. So there are several verses in the Bible that actually refer to the church, meaning Christians as the bride of Christ. There’s Ephesians, chapter 525, Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. There’s also Second Corinthians, 11, verse two, Revelations, 19, seven through nine. Revelations. 21 one through two. There’s also revelations 2220 which says, surely I am coming soon, in quotes, and then, amen come Lord Jesus. So we’ve got that in Ephesians, chapter 522. Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Then we’re going to skip ahead to 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members, members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, man and wife become one God and the church become one. What we’re essentially hearing described is a spiritual, sexual horobirus, meaning God wants us to come in our own mouths. Hope this helps.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:36

It doesn’t, but that’s a great call, because first of all, your interpretation of these Bible verses is not the craziest interpretation I’ve ever heard of the Bible certainly. And I think what it does help is it helps to prove that the Bible, or any Bible, the Torah, the Quran, whatever, is art more than doctrine or I don’t know if I use the right word, but it’s art in that it is to be interpreted for meaning, and none of it has just one meaning. It means what it means to you. Art. That’s art. That’s what art is. You know, it’s not an insult to the Bible or the Torah or the Koran, etc, but it’s art. It’s an art is crucial to our well being, to living the best life, to be used as a guide where it may help, and to disregard it in places where it’s bullshit. You know, it should only serve you. I’m sure, of course, many people would disagree, and that’s fine too, because it’s art. But there are going to be places where you, even if you, you know, are big, time Christian who loves the Bible, or whatever you’re gonna there are gonna be places that you disregard, like man not lying with man. That’s bullshit, right? You know, or, or it being blasphemy to eat shellfish. I think a lot of God loving, God fearing. Christians Eat, eat shellfish, just like Jews do. It’s trafe, right? You know, we make our own choices. We make our own religion to a degree. All this to say, stop fucking with other people’s lives. It’s your business. Jesus Christ, the right is just amazing to me. It was their whole basis for existing is to get big government out of their lives. And damn it if they don’t want to control ours. I mean, our body is our choices, where we put our dicks and pussies, what we rub them against? That’s fucking personal shit, and it’s none of your business, certainly not the business of the government. But these people that want the government out of their lives really want it in our pants. All right, yeah, it’s art. The reader decides, not the nerds who wrote it a zillion years ago.

 

Annie  15:28

Hey, Sarah, it’s your best friend, Annie. So I thought of something kind of fun, and I just wanted to share it with you. So I love you. Remember how you always used to say, like, I don’t know why we use the term balls, like, for courage. Like, how did he have the balls? Because balls are really sensitive, and they wouldn’t really have courage. So you started using lips. Like, wow, they really had the lips for a move like that. Well, I thought of another one that’s, like, very similar to that in concept, which is, instead of saying, Get off my dick when someone like, won’t leave you alone. We could say, like, get off my tit or get off my tits. You know what? I mean, I like that because dicks. It’s like, no one really wants to, like, suck a dick. It’s like, we more do that because we, like, have to or feel bad. But like, people love sucking on tits, like that makes a lot more sense. Like, kind of like how lips makes more sense for courage. It’s like, get off my tits. Like, stop trying to suck on these tits. Anyway, I thought you would appreciate that. And I love you, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:28

I mean, the explanation almost ruins it for me, but I am implementing that immediately, and I kind of like it in the singular, get off my tit. I do like that. Get off my tit. But you know why? I like it singular. It’s almost like you’re on my teat, like, fucking, stop nursing. You’re sucking, you know, like, yeah, oh yeah. But it like, when you say sucking your tits. I don’t know why that’s so gross to me. It makes me like, have to, like, cover my nipples. I you know, there’s something it’s so funny to me, like when I know that some women, and, you know, I guess, like in certain times of the month, my nipples or whatever would be more sensitive or more like erotic feeling, but not really in that scene in bridesmaids, when Jon Hamm is like, can he do this? And he, like, he like, rubs her boob, like, in a sexual way, and it’s just, you just feel nothing, like she’s just laying there, and she’s like, I think so it’s so funny, because it’s so real. Like, there are some guys that just think your boobs are like, a penis, like that, that like touching them in a certain way is gonna, like, feel like anything. I mean, I guess, like, there are some people their nipples are sensitive or whatever, but I don’t know it’s really the vagina.

 

Amy  17:54

So, uh huh, there was a differing opinion in here, not from me.

 

Sarah Silverman  17:59

Okay, some so people must have sensitive breasts sometimes.

 

Amy  18:05

Yeah, I mean, my nipples are like two penises, I’m gonna be honest.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:09

Oh, my God. I’m so excited to hear this. I made a horrible assumption that my boobs are all boobs which is basically dead inside. Yeah, that must be a thing where some women, it’s very sensitive. So please don’t listen to me. Every tit is different. I mean, they’re probably similar to the one next to it. But you know, each person’s, I don’t know, get off my tit, all right. What else?

 

Mary  18:41

Hey, Sarah, it’s your old friend Mary, and I am here to hop on the reverse peen bandwagon and take it up a notch. Because I’m here to say that the notion that women cannot pee standing up is a bold faced lie, and I know this because I have been practicing for a couple years. In fact, here’s how you do it. You throw out the toilet, you sort of squat down a little bit, and you can use, you know, one of your arms to, sort of like lean up against the wall in front of you, if you like, a little bit of stability. And then you take your pointer finger and your middle finger, and then you use that to essentially aim, you know, pull up and out a little bit. And I’m telling you, I think it probably works as well as it does for men based on what I’ve seen of COVID public restrooms. It’s been great. Hope you enjoy. Let me know how it goes.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:39

I’m doing that tonight. Wait, so you’re this is me being vulnerable right now. I’ve learned a lot about my vagina doing this podcast. I know that the vagina is just the canal, so I’m already mislabeling it the vulva. The whole kit and caboodle is the vulva. And I know the the the penis, Hall, slash baby Hall, which there’s got to be a probably a better right, is the vagina, right? And I know that P comes out of my urethra. Hall, tiny, little Hall, and that’s basically like a penis hole is the the urethra and, oh, and so my question is to y’all in the booth over there, and I feel like I’ve asked this before, but I don’t remember is that is my urethra on my clitoris.

 

Amy  20:42

I’m gonna jump in here. I first want to let Mary know our caller, that Sarah is not good at peeing standing up. I’ve urinated with her many times.

 

Sarah Silverman  20:56

No, you’re talking about squatting.

 

Amy  20:58

Squatting.

 

Sarah Silverman  20:58

I don’t have the the glute strength at this point that you have, she Amy papers the seat 11 fold and then never touches it. She squats. basically.

 

Amy  21:15

Its because people are filthy, and I know toilet seats are cleaner than other things, but you should have seen that airplane bathroom that I went into. You didn’t use the toilet on that. I didn’t I it was so disgusting. But do you know why it’s gross? Because people are disgusting,

 

Sarah Silverman  21:27

Because women squat and piss all over the seat.

 

Amy  21:33

No, men do that as well. They miss the bowl.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:37

They pee on the floor.

 

Amy  21:38

Let me just get back to the urethra Hall, because.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:40

Yes, thank you.

 

Amy  21:41

I just need an answer. It’s their urethra hole is above the vagina hole, so it in from back to front. There’s your anus, and then there’s your perennium, which is between there.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:54

I thought it was like peritoneum, perineum, okay.

 

Amy  21:58

Then there’s your vagina.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:59

Got it.

 

Amy  21:59

And then you keep going up and around, and then there’s like a tiny little hole that’s sort of in the hood, that’s your urethra.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:07

The hood of your clitoris.

 

Amy  22:08

But it’s not really your clitoris, it’s that’s a difference, isn’t it? Like your clitoris is, like your penis. You know your clitoris is sort of inside. It’s that little nubby thing.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:17

Yeah, I know, because I was we, I didn’t we had a real scientific science lab last night, Rory and I breaking it down.

 

Amy  22:27

I had a kidney stone, a seven millimeter kidney stone about 2016 I know you remember.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:33

All this bragging, humble brag.

 

Amy  22:35

And the reason why I know exactly where my urethra is is because I had a stint in after a surgery so that they could keep it open, so that you don’t and then I went to the office, and they did not warn me that they were pulling it out, which was a, basically a catheter without any anesthesia. And I’ll never forget where that hole is again.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:58

Wait, I had the same thing happen after my whole, like, whole surgery thing with my throat, yeah, I was, it’s a long story. I’ve told it, but, you know, I was, like, in a coma, like a whatever, and then they brought me out of it, and I was done, and I was able to go home, like, a week later, and a male nurse, otherwise known as a nurse, but I’m pointing out that he was male. Went to take the catheter out, and he goes, 123, and he yanked and it didn’t come out.

 

Amy  23:32

Now, if you were a male patient, I just want to point out that that’s not how that would have gone, because men and their penises are so fucking fragile. No way you’re right, but that’s basically when I had the scent removed. It’s very similar to that. It’s the it’s a cord, and they yank it, and it’s like every bladder infection you’ve ever had all at once.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:55

But I still, I’m still not. It’s no it’s not. All I’m saying is the penis is like the male clitoris, yes?

 

Amy  24:05

But I don’t know that that’s like apples to apples comparison.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:10

Are you talking about the card game or ?

 

Amy  24:12

None of that matters. When men pee there’s one hole. When women pee, there’s one hole, right? It’s just It’s near. it’s near another hole, and you that was your confusion. Now, I think that there’s one other piece of this, and that is depending on the size of your labia, menorah and Majora.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:33

Substantial.

 

Amy  24:36

So when you if you’re standing to pee, going back to Mary’s thing, right? If your labia are not fully open, then when you pee, it bounces off things. And that’s why you can get like streams. You really need to be like.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:51

Yeah, mine is like a sprinkler system. That’s why I go. I don’t know where it comes out of, but it’s at least three to four places. But it’s not, it’s one place, and then my.

 

Amy  25:02

It’s dripping everywhere, because your labia is probably like intersecting.

 

Sarah Silverman  25:07

It’s get it’s involved.

 

Amy  25:09

Well, it’s just it’s hitting it.

 

Sarah Silverman  25:12

Oh yeah, so if I pull my labia, not labias, but it does feel like there’s two. I pull that kind of back. I could kind of use an upside down V kind of pull, pull that back, and then I use, she said, pointer finger and middle finger. That goes. Where did she say? To do with that? Pull up the like hood.

 

Amy  25:40

I don’t, well, the hood doesn’t, okay, here’s, here’s what I’m thinking about. Like, if you have a can, you open a can of soda, okay, and you pour it out. Yes, it kind of like goes everywhere. But if you have a squirt bottle, like those Gatorade squirt bottles, which is more like a penis, right, it’s gonna direct the stream more accurately. So I think it it has to do with the folds, but it also has to do with the fact that we don’t have, like, a funnel coming out that’s directing our flow stream.

 

Sarah Silverman  26:11

That I thought she was gonna say, I can pee standing up, because I pee into a funnel, which basically, if you bring a funnel, you could pee like a man. Then when you move the funnel, you’re kind of scraping it up from your vagina to kind of get any excess. Then use a cocktail napkin from the bar to, like, wipe the corners of your mouth, so to speak. And you’re you did it. You did it.

 

Amy  26:36

So have you ever had to give a urine sample at a doctor’s office many times. Okay, so you know how you always have there’s like directions on how to do it, because you need to use, you know, those they give you.

 

Sarah Silverman  26:50

So the little wet pad that probably is.

 

Amy  26:53

Takes any bacteria out, so that when the urine comes out, it hasn’t hit anything and picked up bacteria, so that when they test the urine, it’s more clean. They also tell you, depending on what doctor and if they’ve been thorough enough with their instructions, to separate everything bulabia, so that your pee is coming straight out.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:15

I’ve never been told that, but that makes so much sense.

 

Amy  27:18

Well, because you can get a false negative on a urine sample for, like, a bladder infection, if you, for example, if anything from other areas drips in, or if you have your period, and then there’s, now there’s blood in your urine or, you know, sorry, this is disgusting, and neither of us are doctors, but.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:36

It’s not disgusting, and we’re all doctors.

 

Sender 7  27:43

Hey, Sarah, okay, I’ll get right to the point I am a 40 year old woman, and I still suck my thumb. It’s embarrassing. I don’t talk about it ever. The only person who knows about it really is my partner, my life partner. We share children together. None of them suck their thumb, but, uh, but I do still. And I was wondering, I guess, if you know of this phenomenon with anybody you know, or if any callers, other callers have called in that I may have missed talk about this, I don’t know. I haven’t even even been able to, um, haven’t even even, I haven’t been able to discuss it with my therapist, really. I it’s something I’m really embarrassed about. And so somehow speaking it to you and your podcast, maybe will provide me with a little bit of insight or help, because I would like, I think I would like to be an adult who doesn’t suck their thumb. Yeah, okay, I love you so much. Hope you’re well bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:00

I love that callers who call in with stuff that they wouldn’t even tell their therapist. I think that there’s something about this podcast that makes people feel like it’s a kind of a message in a bottle. But first of all, definitely talk to your therapist about this. There should be nothing too embarrassing to talk to your therapist about. It’s that is like complete protected air. That’s, you know, they, they’ll never tell anyone about it. They can’t. They’re therapists. They really, I mean, my best friend is a therapist, and I try desperately to get her to tell me things. And, uh, she will not, but, um, yeah, you should absolutely talk to your therapist about it. Now, do I know anyone, any other 40 year olds that suck their thumb? I do not, but I would guess. My guess with you is that this is associated with comfort or soothing. It’s what. Sucking your thumb, self soothing. That’s what it is with babies and children, self soothing. So maybe it is something, some kind of regression. Maybe it’s undealt, with stuff from childhood that kind of makes you regress, and that that’s where you seek comfort, still or again, or, I don’t know if you’ve sucked your thumb this whole time, I think so. But if you don’t, you say you don’t want to do it anymore. I mean, your therapist will probably help you also, just it’s, I would guess mindfulness, that when, when you find yourself sucking your thumb, you notice it, and you’re kind to yourself, and you stop a lot of times, I know, with addiction, and I would guess this may be some form of addiction or in that under the umbrella of that transferring, you know, the the kind of obsessive aspect of it, like I had a friend in AA who started, like, took up, like, taking care of his nails, became, like the thing that he transferred, you know, his addiction into, like obsessing over that, like nail care. But you know, there’s kind of now that you say that. I mean, my dad always kind of, especially in in with any kind of stress in his body, he would always have a knuckle in his mouth, or he’d have his arm, kind of his elbow over his head and his it’s funny because I remember telling Jimmy Kimmel many, many years ago when we were dating, oh, my dad always does This thing, whereas he dangles his arm over his head with his, like, elbow sticking, and he just looked at me like I was crazy. And I said, what? And he goes, that’s what you do. Just interesting how like unconscious those things can be. But yeah, I would always see my dad would have like a knuckle in his mouth. And I wonder if that’s kind of in that same world of a way that he self soothed. I mean, if you look at people with their giant cups and their straws, and they’re chewing on their straws all day, and, you know, is probably some kind of transfer of that same kind of thing. I mean, I’m only guessing, but, you know, maybe if you want to do that, grab a, you know, bamboo straw and your favorite drink and chew on the end of that, you know, have that in your mouth, least it hydrates you on the way. I mean, I’m fucking seeing these. I didn’t know of this thing, this phenomenon, and Amy was telling me about it, the Stanley I did this thing with this, this tiny actress that plays little me in the musical the bedwetter. We just did this, like, it’s a long story, but we’re in this convention center, and she’s like, I want a Stanley Cup. I want a Stanley Cup. And I’m just like, I mean, does she even play hockey? I love that. She, you know, aspires to this. But no, this is a cup, a thermos, one of those big looks like a big, giant cup with a straw. She goes, Oh, it’s so cool. I want it. She’s nine. I go, what is it? She goes, I’ll show you. And it. There was another convention in the same hotel that had these things, and she brings me over to it, and it’s a fucking thermos. This is what nine year olds want. Someone told them they want a thermos, and now they all want a thermos. Anyway, I digress, but, you know, get one of those and stick it in your mouth, and maybe you can kind of transfer that but at least understand what it is. I believe what thumb sucking is is self soothing. It’s It’s comforting yourself in in moments of stress. So find other ways to comfort yourself in moments of stress. There’s lots of things people do. People smoke. I would not suggest that you take up smoking. I would probably thumb sucking would be the healthier option of those. But there are probably healthy habits you can find even like chewing on a stick. You know, those sticks, like cinnamon sticks and stuff that are kind of like good for your teeth. You can get those, get those. Chew on those. It’s that’s kind of a cool habit. Good luck. Let me know how it goes, what else?

 

Sender 8  34:29

Hi, Sarah. I am one of your older listeners, and I’m hoping that you can help me with this. Back in 1977 when I had my first child. I eventually had three beautiful daughters. I had a botched episiotomy where the some nerves in my sphincter were severed. This caused absolutely no problem, until a few years ago, when as the inevitable, uh. Um, slackening of muscles in that area started to happen. I started to lose control of my bowels. It’s very, very embarrassing. I have endured pelvic floor therapy. I have gone to a proctologist, a urogynecologist, who fixed my front end, but my chassis is forever damaged, and they really tell me that I have no hope, so I have to live with it. What would you recommend that I say when I inevitably start passing gas while I’m walking around. It is so humiliating. It’s like the one thing that everyone’s allowed to laugh at. I tried to be brash and brush it off, but what would you do?

 

Sarah Silverman  36:01

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. And you know that, I know that this is a result of a 1977 episiotomy accident, but I actually think this is more common than you might think with you know, people in their late 70s 80s that they don’t have the same control over their sphincters. I guess, like for in Gat, they pass gas accidentally, and I guess you just know who your friends are after that, I don’t know. I will say I had an idea for an app once for, like, shitting in a public place. And the app, what it would be is you press it when, like, your poop is coming out, and then it’s me going. I don’t know, million dollar idea, maybe not. I don’t know, just like, or a clearing of the throat, then give it kind of like a noise that could cover. Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s just, I wish I had a really good do you guys have any ideas on this? Maybe just go, sorry, I’m human. Maybe just kind of, like, puts, put, like, a little like, toilet paper up there, just to muffle it, you know, like when you put it at the end of a trumpet, that thing, I mean, I know that I’m, are you laughing? I am serious, though it’s things can be serious and funny. Life is funny, you know, it sucks. It’s humiliating. You know, this is the kind of thing that, um, creates a comedian, you know, like.

 

Amy  38:02

Why is gas so funny and humiliating? That’s the real question. Because, in the animal kingdom, you know, all animals pass gas, yeah, and they don’t. They’re not, you know, like, my dog farts and then, like, looks and it’s like, which has happened, it’s, she’s but she’s not, you know, ashamed of it. And I feel like, when you see […]

 

Sarah Silverman  38:27

These animals, don’t judge, right? Well, they don’t see things that as good or bad.

 

Amy  38:32

Well, humans are animals, and somehow we’ve equated passing gas with negative.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:38

Because we have ego. So it’s like, does this make me weak? Does this make me laugh at it.

 

Amy  38:43

Like, didn’t belching after a meal used to mean that was delicious.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:49

I remember hearing that that was like in Chinese culture, but that could have just been like, right? Or urban legend, what an ignorant person in New Hampshire said in the 80s to me. And I believed it, but I that’s what I thought I learned.

 

Amy  39:02

I just there’s so much shame around bodily functions that are out of our control. And I’m more curious to know where it comes from that being said, I, you know, certainly have laughed aloud at things that are noisy and sound hilarious, that are coming from orifices. But I don’t know it’s, it’s, it’s weird, because I also, in hearing her message, it, I have such empathy.

 

Sarah Silverman  39:36

Yeah, I want to, like, fight anyone who laughs at her, yeah? Then laughing is joyful. And we all, most people, I don’t pass gas.

 

Amy  39:47

You know, you might have been on to something with, like, it’s how it makes comics. It’s like, you take your your biggest vulnerability and make it your superpower. It’s like, fart man.

 

Sarah Silverman  39:59

Yeah, like, what? Make a t shirt, right? Make a t shirt that just says, I fart sometimes by accident. Ask me how call one 800 each. But you know, it’s like, this is what is. And you can laugh or go, oops. You know, you know, there’s someone in my life who’s older might pass gas and just go, oops. You know, doesn’t make me love her less by any means, not even close.

 

Amy  40:29

My grandma used to say was that you or the duck?

 

Sarah Silverman  40:35

That’s funny.

 

Amy  40:37

What if every time she farted, she cheered? Yay, I like that, like, and then people are like, Oh, that must be a good thing. And then you’re turning it into, like, a positive.

 

CREDITS  40:53

I had a boyfriend whose dad, and we watched him sleep once his dad would always sleep on the couch. And my boyfriend said, Watch he farts, and then he screams. And I was like, what? And I swear to God, He farted in his sleep and went, oh. So, hey, things can always be worse. Well, good luck. I hope something that we said helped. I’m not kidding with like, a little a little wad of toilet paper in your butt crack in your underwear. I know that sounds graphic, but probably would muffle any sound or maybe like when it happens, just start clapping like, you know, so that it just sounds like that’s what it was, I don’t know. Let me try. No, yeah, I guess not really listen. We’ll workshop it. If I know my listeners, people will be calling in with perfect solutions. Dad, wherever you are out there, we are winding down. This is the part of the podcast when I say, send me your questions or your comments or your reactions or your thoughts, go to speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast that speakpipe.com/theSarahSilverman podcast. And please subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts, and there’s more of the Sarah Silverman podcast with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus questions like, what about what about Randy Rainbow? Subscribe now in Apple podcasts.  Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast, we are a production of Lemonada media.  Kathryn Barnes and Isabella Kulkarni produce our show. Our mix is by James Sparber.  The show is recorded at the Invisible Studios in West Hollywood. Charles Carroll is our recording engineer.  Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer.  Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.