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Sarah can’t stop eating blueberries and keeps forgetting if they will kill her. Plus, she rejects society’s pressure to have kids, compares lasagna to sex, and gets crude on the side of a truck.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Sender 4, Sarah Silverman, Sender 6, Rafi, Amy, Sarah, Sender 3, Sender 5, Brooke

Sarah Silverman  00:00

Hey everyone, it’s your old pal, Sarah. And I have to say, I’ve been loving blueberries. I, you know, I felt I was getting dementia, and I read what was, what’s brain food, and it said, blueberries and blackberries, and I like them both, but I’ve been getting blueberries, and then I just can’t eat, like a handful of blueberries. I just mouth the whole thing, especially because it’s very easy food to eat whilst playing Call of Duty. It’s like contained it doesn’t leave anything on your fingers. And I understand why people who play video games all day gain weight because there’s no time we’re at war. So you need, like, the easiest thing is, like, chips, you know, and garbage like that. So I’ve been eating blueberries. So anyway, I’m not kidding when I tell you that I have Googled, is it possible to overdose on blueberries several times because I think I’m stoned every time, and then I forget, and then I I have to Google it again. And to be honest, I still don’t remember what it says when I Google it, but I think when I too many blueberries, I get diarrhea, and then, apparently, amnesia. All right, let’s take some calls.

 

Sarah  02:12

Hey, Sarah, it’s your best friend Sarah with H I’m calling because my husband and I are in our late 30s, and we’ve been trying to have a kid for years now, and it just not working. I’ve had a couple minor surgeries. We’ve had some failed IU wise, but we’re healthy, and there’s really no reason why it shouldn’t have happened. So we are considering doing IVF, but that’s a whole shit show that I just really don’t know if we’re interested in, and it kind of just makes me want to die when I think about it. Um, my running joke has always been that I get more excited about puppies than I do about babies, so I’ve never felt the strongest pool to be a mom, but the thought of not being one is kicking my ass. It’s hard to find people in this particular situation who pretty much wanted to be parents, but could kind of go either way, and have to decide how hard they want to keep trying. We’ve started to open ourselves up to what it would be like to not have kids. So I’m looking to hear from people who are a bit older than us and child free. I’m wondering, like, how did you reach this decision? Have you always known you didn’t want kids? Did you ever feel any regret or like emptiness, or does overall just feel like the right choice for you? Or maybe if you always knew you have friends who are in similar situations who are kind of on the fence. I don’t know. I’m just looking for some thoughts on the matter. It’s kind of a weird one, thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:32

Sarah, I hear you. This is a tough and very personal decision, but I’ll take you through my experience, and if it helps, I love kids. I’m baby crazy. I haven’t felt that regret at all, but I do sometimes ache to hold a baby for, you know, 10 minutes or something, and then that that feeling is satiated if I get the chance to hold like a friend’s baby or something. And I am very lucky that I have friends with kids that I love. There was a time I just assumed I would have kids, and I always pushed it off like I’m gonna do it in my early 40s, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna adopt when I’m 50, you know, I’m gonna but I just never felt the desire deeply enough. And you know, it’s already hard for women to live their lives completely for themselves. And the truth is really for me, in the joke I used to have, which is, I love kids so much, the only thing I love more than kids is doing anything I want at all times. And that’s really just what I realized about myself. It’s not going to be true for everyone. It’s odd to me that this is not a decision that people spend a lot of I feel like people spend more time deciding, like, what car they want, you know, than like having kids is. It’s a lifelong decision. You, and I think I realized that just it’s not for me. I don’t want it enough, and maybe that’s selfish, and if it is, that’s probably reason enough not to have kids. You know, look, if, if I had a partner who truly wanted to be the primary caretaker, I would absolutely consider that. I think I would be a phenomenal quote, unquote, fun dad, but I don’t I’m not interested in being like a traditional mother role. I love my career. I love what I do. I love the freedom of my life. I love having dogs. I think we are raised to feel that if we don’t have that overwhelming urge to procreate, there’s something wrong with us. And I just don’t accept that. Personally, I’ve had people write whole think pieces about how I should be less vocal politically and have kids and focus on that, and that’s just not for me. Listen, if I were to have kids, I think I would adopt, even though I think the experience of giving birth seems to me to be so totally unbelievable and beautiful and incredible. And, you know, like I was watching the pit in the episode we watched last night, they showed a birth, like a baby coming out of the birth canal. And it was amazing. And Rory and I are both like, wow, we are fucking. We’re animals. It’s amazing. I don’t, you know, judge any of my friends for having, you know, birthing children. I think it’s incredible. It’s amazing. But that is not gonna happen for me. I think it’s incredible when people adopt. You know, listen, my sister has Susie is my only sister with children. She has five, and they’re all adults now, so now I’m waiting for them to have kids, to be able to, like, hold babies and play with babies again. She has three daughters and two sons. The Daughters are born from her vagina, the sons she adopted. And like she always says, you know, and it’s so true, because we’re all girls in our family, like our dad was the only male in our family, we make girls and import boys. So you know, when people go well with adoption, you don’t know what you’re gonna get. You don’t know what damage they’ve had you blah, blah, blah, sure, but guess what? You don’t know what you’re gonna get. Even when you give birth to your kid, you know you don’t. It’s a crap shoot. No matter what you do, you know, it’s, I mean, God, if, when she had the her first two oldest girls, when they were toddlers, they were monsters. They were out of control, you know? And if they were adopted, Susie said this once, and I thought was so brilliant, like, if they were adopted, people would go see you. Don’t know what you’re gonna get when you adopt, but these were her birth children. And I have two adopted nephews, and you know they’re like superstars, but every kid has challenges, whether you give birth to them or you have someone else give birth to them with your egg and sperm, or whether you adopt, it’s all a crap shoot. You have to want to be parents. But yeah, I, I, you know, have moments where I’m like, oh, I want to hold a baby. That’s not enough, in my view, to have kids. And so it’s just not for me, and that’s okay. I’m fine with it, but I’m not gonna go, like, it’s amazing. It’s the only way to go. We having kids is like a prison, you know, for so many people. I mean, people tend to say, like, I can’t imagine life before kids. It’s you don’t know love until you have kids. I feel I do know love, but I understand that perspective. And you know, listen, we were all standing around dad and Janice as they were dying, and my dad just started crying and held Janice’s hand and said, Look at this family. We made Look at this. And he was so proud and so happy and so moved. It’s he looked at his four daughters, and, you know, three out of his five grandkids just all sitting around their bed. And that’s amazing. And I’m not gonna have that, but I’m okay with that. So you’re gonna have to make a decision at some point. And if you just don’t make that decision, that’s a decision too, because you will not have kids. You know, Rory and I always joke that we want to be like cool young grandparents. Like we don’t want to be parents, but we want to be like young grandparents. So like the kids in our neighborhood, the kids that are our friends, have. Of those are people that we get to love and babysit and, you know, be a part of their lives without being the full on responsible people. And we that’s how we like it. And you know, there’s also, if you’re interested, foster care. My sister Susan has an unbelievable program. It’s called Second nurture. And what it is is, anyone who’s been interested in fostering, and it’s in a bunch of states now, all over a ton, in California, Ohio, there’s probably you can look it up. And so what it is brings communities together of people to foster. So you’re not just fostering in a vacuum where you’ve never done this before. You don’t know what resources you have. You have all the resources of second nurture, and you have a community of people who are fostering within that world. So whether it’s like a temple community or a church community, because she’s a rabbi, so she went, but also there’s like a city choir. There’s all these different kinds of community that have become like a second nurture community. So you can foster and you have allies. You have a whole contact list of people also fostering, people who aren’t fostering, but want to be helpful, want to be a part of the community to be helpful, maybe you start by just doing that. There’s a piece of it that is being a cohort. You know, a lot of times people lose their kids because they’re on drugs or they’re, you know, whatever happens a cohort is someone who will foster those kids with the hopes, with the cheering on, hoping for the biological parent to get well. So a woman is on drugs. She gets her kids taken away. She goes to rehab. She is now totally sober. This community is cheering her on now she gets her kids back. This community does not leave her life. They are on call for her if, if she’s like, I’m using again, I don’t know what to do, or I I can’t pick up my kid. I need to be at an AA meeting, and I don’t know, you know, we’ve got her, we’ll pick her up, we’ll bring her home to you. There’s a community of people who have the bandwidth to help. And it’s, it’s an incredible system, and it’s kind of, she’s being able to, I don’t know if there’s the right word, but kind of franchise it, where people are all over using this formula, and it’s, it’s really working, and the communities are incredible. Second nurture. I’m not trying to do an ad for my sister. It’s not like something she makes, you know, you make money from it’s a not for profit. But I really think it’s, it’s kind of changing the game. And foster care, if you know, or you don’t know, is a shit show in this country, and this has really been supplementing that in an incredible way. And I think that’s what is gonna need to happen in this country, in so many areas where it’s being defunded, it’s being erased. Community, organized community is going to be the answer, in my opinion. And people always step up. Mr. Rogers, look for the helpers. All right, that was a long answer, but that was a really interesting call.

 

Rafi  13:31

Hi Sarah, my name is Rafi. I live in Los Angeles, in the valley, I’m on the 101 right now. I was curious about your opinion on what to do if you have someone in your life with really bad halitosis, real Thank you. Breath. I you know if somebody has something in their teeth or their fly is down, I feel really comfortable telling them that, but I don’t really know what to do if a friend has the kind of breath that you just like, cannot inhale when you’re standing in close proximity to them, like, fill a room curious. If you have any thoughts about that.

 

Sarah Silverman  14:14

I understand why that’s hard for you. It’s hard for me to absolutely like other than my closest you know, people in my life like Rory almost never has bad breath, but when he does, I can tell him, and he just like laughs and goes and brushes his teeth or something, or or I’ll give him a florist or so. And I think that’s why you’re uncomfortable with this, and so am I, because if it’s something in someone’s teeth, if their fly is down, there is an immediate thing they can do to solve it, whereas breath is, if they’re not close to, like brushing their teeth or whatever nearby something to like wash their mouth at and so often, it’s really, especially when it’s that kind of breath, it’s gut related. I always have flu. Forest door on me, which is like the oldest, most boiler plate probiotic for my own gut health. And, you know, I always I have it to offer someone else, you know, if they’re having gut issues. V and I live on that shit on the road, you know, and it’s just kind of like the basic probiotic. But I do think that probiotics is the best way to go for that kind of breath that really sounds like it’s coming from the gut. That’s what I got for you. I hope it’s helpful, what else?

 

Sender 3  15:35

I’ve been thinking about your caller who has unexpected gas, and I wondered if maybe she could just make a disclaimer to everyone, hey, just so, you know, sometimes I pass gas without knowing, and so it feels a little sensitive, and I’m a little sensitive to it. But just so, you know, that’s something that probably will happen tonight, and I even had a dream about it, so I hope that she finds some peace. And I just love the show, and I love hearing from all the callers, and it’s nice to have a break from the monotony of this weird capitalist cult that we’re in. So I wondered also, in addition to just saying My advice to that woman, if you could dream up what you want the world to look like, feel like, smell like, be like, what would it be? What would you dream up for us that’s not based in tyranny. Thanks for all of your great content. Bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:49

I think that’s lovely advice to that lady, first of all, but I don’t know about it. I feel like it. It makes people that would make people listen out for farts and probably not be paying as much attention to her mouth and more attention to her ass. I don’t know. What would my ideal world look like? I mean, I don’t know. I just just a world where, like we are aware that we are all connected, where we don’t have to see each other as other in order to feel good about ourselves or the world where we can where we understand that as humans, we are here to take care of each other. That would be nice animals too. We’re all earthlings, and we have inherited a planet and all its living things, and our responsibility should be to take care of each other. And that’s all boom. But you know, that’s, I don’t know if that’s, if that’s gonna happen. I don’t mean to be negative, but yeah, I do think you’re right. We are in a capitalistic cult. And then you might hear that and go, you’re communist, you’re socialist. Well, I’m a socialist to the degree that I do think every citizen of our country or our world should be given the things we need to live as a right, like food, shelter, water, you know, we certainly can afford it. Just bizarre that there are billionaires. I saw someone on online say, and this is what he sees as the difference between Democrats and Republicans, and as a Democrat, I don’t know that this is fair, but I if you’re a Republican, this is definitely how people see you, like Democrats will feed 100 people for fear that any one of them would starve, and Republicans would feed no people for fear that one of them might not deserve it, but I that may not be fair to say, but it sure seems that way these days, I will say that I’m not saying the Democratic Party is without fault, but I mean, wow, just take care of each other. And, you know, I still believe, now more than ever, we need to take care of each other, because the government is not, I mean, I can’t believe the anti LGBTQ ai plus plus legislation going into it’s just disgusted by it all. And the hatred of women, the hatred of other, the hatred of non straight white men. I mean, just everyone that aren’t straight white men is like, fucking wild, wild. You know, Jenna Friedman, who’s a very funny comedian and writer, brilliant, did some shows in Canada, and was coming back home, and the US Immigration Customs asked her why she was in Canada, and she said, oh, I’m a comedian. I did some shows. And then they asked, Is your material political? So that’s the world we’re living in right now, okay, what else?

 

Sender 4  20:31

Hey, Sarah, I love the pod. You’re the best. I’m a 38 year old gay guy with social anxiety, and add, I haven’t connected with anyone, or, quite frankly, had sex with anyone in two years, which I kind of feel fine with, like it’s not a priority, or maybe I’ve convinced myself it’s not a priority to avoid the work of it all, but when I mention this to people, they act like it’s a huge emergency, especially with gay guys. It just feels like with gay friends or gay circle, like sex is such a driving force for them, and I’m just not like that. I don’t really do the gay hookup apps and with dating apps that I’m on, like the Add makes it tough for me to keep chatting with people, and social anxiety just kind of talked me out of wanting to meet up with strangers from the internet. I get it. I’d much rather just meet people at a bar like the good old days, but it feels like. That’s kind of impossible. Now I just I am wondering, like, do I need to push myself to care more? Am I okay with where I am at right now? Am I totally doomed?

 

Sarah Silverman  21:58

Oh, that’s the call. You don’t have to have the same desires your friends have, and you don’t even have to have the desires that your friends want you to have. Listen to yourself. That’s all. Everyone’s different. You know only you know what’s best for you. Use this time to learn how to be your own best friend, your own support system. Not that you don’t have you also have your friends as well, but you got to have your own back. You know, stop judging yourself. And I say this because it seems to me that that’s what social anxiety stems from it’s from judging yourself because you’re worried about what other people are gonna think, and it doesn’t matter what other people are gonna think. Who cares you are worthy of love, care, existing in society, all those things, so spending time practicing loving and accepting yourself just the way you are is time very well spent. And when you’ve gotten to a place where you can give yourself the same love and respect you offer any stranger on the street, you will find yourself being more interested in others romantically. Perhaps it still is time well spent, even if you are still not interested in in romance at that point, because maybe you’re not a sexual being, that’s okay, too. It happens to be the A in LGBTQ, I A plus plus asexual. You don’t have to be sexual. Or maybe you can, you know, if you feel it down the line, but do not judge yourself. Just exist however a happy life looks to you. Is right?

 

Amy  23:51

I was just gonna say also, I think that just because the caller doesn’t feel like having sex now doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feel like having sex tomorrow or next week or next month, and I think sometimes with, like, our society’s newfound sex positivity, which I think is awesome, I think there is a lot of pressure to be having sex all the time and feeling hot and feeling good and going out there and having sex, and it’s perfectly okay to not feel up for that in moments.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:24

Yeah, sometimes you want a salad, sometimes you want lasagna. We’re not a monolith. This is where you’re at right now, and it’s absolutely fine. Just listen to yourself, accept yourself, be kind to yourself. No like, how fuck people when you want to that was crude. Sarah, you got this.

 

Sender 5  24:54

Hi, Sarah. I left you a message a few days ago, but I’d like to do it. I am, again, not gonna leave my name, but I’m currently pressing charges on my rapist, and thank you for letting us all trauma dump on you, by the way, and I’m sure it’s a lot to carry, but we appreciate you. I just I guess I’m asking for just some words of wisdom. I know even when you don’t have advice to give, your words are just such a hug and you remind me a lot of my mom, and she’s not here to give me that advice anymore, so I’d love to hear from you. But basically, like I said, I’m pressing charges. I’ve lost a lot of friends. It was my best one of my best friends, boyfriend and anger is her journey. And there’s, you know, not a lot I can do with that, but it’s a lot to navigate, and it’s very hard. And just, I don’t know, I just kind of wanted to hear what you might have to say to to keep me going. Keep me making this happen, thanks, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  26:26

Oh, well, sweetie, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be. You are incredibly brave to see this through, as I’m sure you know, most women do not, because of all the baggage that comes with it and the stigma and the pain and and you’re experiencing that now, and I’m just, I’m so sorry, and hopefully you do have some people around you that are support system for this. I’m sorry that your friend is angry, and I’m so impressed by you understanding that this is how she’s processing something that’s really big for her too, right? It’s something she didn’t know about, or something that she chose not to deal with, we don’t know and and like you said, that’s, that’s hers to figure out, but I am hoping that you do have support, and to the extent that I am here out in cyberspace, let me just say I am, I am really proud of you, and I’m also so sorry for what happened to you. And if I know this community of listeners, they’re going to be some callers with some really smart, loving words of support as well subsequent to this airing, and good luck. Keep us posted if you want, and I’m proud of you, what else?

 

Sender 6  28:11

Hey, Sarah, my brother and I recently came to a really funny realization the other day when we were talking about School of Rock and just reminiscing about how much we love that movie and how funny we find it so good. And we both kind of, like, I was thinking it, and then he said it at the same time of like, how valid we realized that your character is for being so aggro towards Jack Black in it, like, of course, you didn’t want him crashing in your house and not paying rent and probably eating all your food and but it’s so funny, because when we were kids, we thought that your character was the worst. And just like, how, how could she be so against him? He’s an artist. Like, yeah, stop trying to hold him back. And yeah. But now as adults, we’re like, what? Of course, she wouldn’t want that’s ridiculous. Um, we do think that your character was a little aggressive to Ned. But like, agree, other than that. Like, agree, yeah. Why? Why would she want his brother just living in her house, rent free, not brothers, just friends. It’s just funny how you realize things when you’re older that were just so the opposite when you were a kid. And I also was wondering if, when you guys were on set, if you made that connection at all, or if it just didn’t even cross your mind, or whatever but yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:41

Yeah, oh, it’s so true. I heard that someone wrote their, like college thesis on that, that that I don’t remember the name of my character, but that she was right. That said, You’re right. She was She didn’t have to be so cunty about it. But also. I’m sure it was maddening to have someone living in your living room space and not paying rent after he agreed to and then your boyfriend, who is the connection, who is friends with this character, not backing you up. You know, like there’s a lot of things at play, and obviously it’s not meant to be taken to go this deep into but, you know, basically, I don’t recall ever talking about that when we were shooting it, because, really, my character was there as Jack’s foil, you know, we did shoot my character in the audience at the Big Show at the end, like, you know, being cool in the end, or, like, you know, getting it or being supportive, but they didn’t use it, which is fine, it’s not the whatever my character’s name story, but yeah, stories have bad guys, and especially at the time the like, girlfriend role in comedies was very much just a there to be a foil. I mean, I’m so proud to have been a part of that movie. It’s so brilliant, and I loved it. It’s a bummer that I was like this country woman character, but at least it had Joan Cusack in it, you know, who is just so what a beautiful, amazing character and but, yeah, I mean, for a long time, like, comedies were cool guys that were funny, and then if you were the woman in it, you were just the angry girlfriend going get a job, pay your rent. And I would just think, just get an actress for that. Like, what do you need me for? But at that point, I really wanted, I just wanted to be in this, and I was so happy to get the part, and I’m, I’m still very proud to be in that movie. And Jack is just, he’s exactly that or but, I mean, he’s just everything. You want him to be such a special, special guy. But, yeah, it’s so funny that you saw it as kids, and then your brother, you and your brother talking about it as adults and seeing it in a different way. I mean, it’s cool. That’s what makes art, art. You know, you can see the same movie at different stages in your life, at different stages as the world around us, and see a very different movie. You know, it’s cool, cool, cool, cool. And also, you know, Ned Schneebly, played by Mike White, who wrote School of Rock, who played, who I was, his girlfriend, you know, and who Jack Black pretends to be as the substitute teacher. He wrote School of Rock and he wrote, he writes White Lotus. That’s Mike White, who writes White Lotus. So it’s cool to make that connection if you don’t know that. And he’s a great actor and a brilliant writer. And so that’s the guy. That’s the guy fun facts all around all right, what else?

 

Brooke  32:54

Hi, Sarah. It’s your best friend, Brooke from Bangor Maine. I wanted to get your take on a thing I recently saw so I walked out of a store and there was a truck with the words cunt bag that was all one word spray painted on the windshield. What I want to know is whether the word bag was being used as a noun or a verb, like you are a cunt bag or you are bagging cunts either way, it’s not good, but it’s also weird, and I found it funny. So what do you think? And have you ever heard this term before? Because I have not. Thanks so much love your show.

 

Sarah Silverman  33:33

Thank you so much, Brooke from Maine, for calling with this question. I will say that I think either way you infer hunt Bag. Bag is a noun, just putting that out there. Secondly, it’s probably like horrible harassment that somebody spray painted that on someone’s windshield. That aside, I have not heard that word before, and I’m probably going to use it now, at the very least whilst playing Call of Duty. You know, you hear bag of dicks.

 

Amy  34:15

It’s hard to know where the cunt starts and ends for the bag, you know?

 

Sarah Silverman  34:18

Cunt bag, yeah, like, if you’re throwing cunts in a bag, where do they begin and where do they end? Is the is it before the asshole and up to the perennium? From the perennium to the pube bone, the mons pubis, dad, wherever you are in space time we are winding down. This is part of the podcast when I say, don’t be a cunt bag. Call in speakpipe.com/thesarahsilvermanpodcast. Send me your questions or your comments or your. Thoughts or your proclamations, whatever the fuck can I say, whatever the fuck in this part I don’t know, go to speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast. It’s that simple speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast. And also subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts, and if you haven’t yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple podcasts, or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com for bonus content you will not want to miss that’s lemonadapremium.com.

 

CREDITS  35:42

Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast, we are a production of Lemonada media.  Kathryn Barnes and Isabella Kulkarni produce our show. Our mix is by James Sparber.  The show is recorded at the Invisible Studios in West Hollywood. Charles Carroll is our recording engineer.  Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer.  Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.