Subscribe to Lemonada Premium for Bonus Content

Description

Kevin Spacey. SoHo Karen. President Obama. What do these people all have in common? They’re terrible apologizers! This Friday, we’re throwing it back to one of our favorite episodes. Listen as Hoja, Mohanad, and Kiki reveal their picks for the worst apologies of all time. Who will take the crown? Will it be Shia LaBeouf’s plagiarized apology for plagiarism? Model Carissa Pinkston’s lie about being transgender in an apology for transphobic remarks? Or Mario Batali’s sexual assault apology slash cinnamon roll recipe? Listen to find out!

Please note, I’m Sorry contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

Do you have someone you need to apologize to? Does someone owe you an apology? We want to hear about it! Send us an email at imsorry@lemonadamedia.com or DM us on Instagram @imsorry_podcast.

You can find out more about our show @lemonadamedia on all social platforms.

Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.

Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows: https://lemonadamedia.com/sponsors/.

For additional resources, information, and a transcript of the episode, visit lemonadamedia.com.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Kiki Monique, Hoja Lopez, Mohanad Elshieky

Mohanad Elshieky  00:08

Hello everyone, this is I’M SORRY, a podcast about apologies. And I’m your host Mohanad Elshieky, a man who famously lives in Brooklyn.

Hoja Lopez  00:16

I’m Hoja Lopez and I just found a cup with which seems like Chernobyl in it, because I left chocolate milk out.

Kiki Monique  00:16

And I’m Kiki Monique and I say I’m allergic to avocados when I order at restaurants. The truth is, I just hate avocado, but I don’t like the judgy looks I get from avocado lovers.

Mohanad Elshieky  00:34

And this week on I’M SORRY, we’re talking about the top nine worst apologies of all time. So it’s not 10, we thought nine would be way better.

Hoja Lopez  00:43

So who needs a 10th, 9th birthdays are way better than 10th Birthdays

Kiki Monique  00:46

what I would do to get back into single digit ages again.

Hoja Lopez  00:53

I’m gonna start off with a surprising one that really as I started looking into it just took a bit of a turn you know? So I’m going to start off with, if you remember the 1995 Hugh Grant situation I’ll call it a situation

Kiki Monique  01:11

We should also preface this; this is not in any particular order of like best to worse like let’s deal with that later. We’re just really throwing out like all 9 right now.

Mohanad Elshieky  01:21

We’re starting about the most British apologies and then we’re gonna go with like less until we get to the most American apology. That’s how

Hoja Lopez  01:28

Most American apologies. And this is something like Hugh Grant at this point is like Four Weddings and a funeral then he goes Notting Hill Bridget Jones diary like about a boy music and lyrics. Can anybody remember that? Drew Barrymore?

Kiki Monique  01:42

Oh, my favorite. Yes. My favorite.

Hoja Lopez  01:45

Hell yeah. Okay, so I personally love Hugh Grant’s blue puppy dog, guys. And at that point, when all this went down, he is dating Elizabeth Hurley, who is to me still to this day, the single hottest like British woman in all of America. I’ll call it that.

Kiki Monique  02:02

Ageless by Elizabeth Hurley.

Hoja Lopez  02:04

Oh my God, that movie with Brendan Fraser where she’s like, she’s bedazzled. And she plays the devil. I’m like, oh my God. Elizabeth Hurley. This is around the same time that I learned the phrase for every beautiful woman. There’s like a man who’s tired of making love to her you say I’ll say making love in this case. But this is a very much a case of Hugh Grant, being with Elizabeth Hurley after 10 years, and then he gets caught paying $60 to a lady of the night, Divine Brown for what the police described as a lewd act. Now what is this lewd act? Could have been a blowy? Could have been a finger it could have been like..

Kiki Monique  02:53

Yeah, what do you get for $60 back in 95′? I don’t know is that like, feels like it’s a high rate of 95′. Like in in 2021. Yeah, it might just be like a little bit of like fingerplay. But in 1995?

Mohanad Elshieky  03:05

Is this what he is apologizing for? Like only paying $60?

Hoja Lopez  03:10

That’s exactly it. He’s like, I should have given her more. I am a movie star. But he basically goes on this like late night TV show circuit. And this is kind of one of the reasons why I think the apology is bad is that he doesn’t actually like apologize on TV. […] That is Hugh Grant’s apology, which to me is the single most British apology I could think of aside from like, pardon me, Mrs. Queen. I think that’s how people refer to her.

Mohanad Elshieky  04:24

Also was him going on like Leno, like a punishment or something was that because I can’t think of a worse thing to be honest to put someone to then talk to Jay Leno.

Hoja Lopez  04:36

His entire house is probably a man cave where he like distances himself emotionally from his family.

Kiki Monique  04:41

Yeah. spends a lot of time in his, like 49 cars.

Hoja Lopez  04:45

One of the things that I did realize afterwards, too, is he also goes on Marc Maron, like many, many years later to sort of like, talk about this apology. And his sort of excuse for why he kind of did it is that this night in one movie is coming out. And he feels like everybody else is really good in the movie, but he thinks he’s done very poorly in the movie. And so he’s feeling like shit about himself. And so when actors that are very rich and beautiful, don’t feel good. They go to a sex worker, apparently. So, in any case, I don’t think the sex worker is that big of a deal. It’s just the not really like, you’ve got a partner, you’ve got like a whole, you know, like a whole support system, and you’re off just cheating on people.

Mohanad Elshieky  05:31

To me, that’s the best thing he did is like he cheated on someone. I don’t think he him being with a sex worker is a bad thing overall, just like whatever. Like I feel like if you do it now, no one would care.

Kiki Monique  05:43

And you know, what I like is that it also it kind of had a happy ending. It didn’t just turn out good for Hugh Grant, who went on to do many more movies, many more roles that he probably wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. But apparently, Devine Brown, the sex worker, like she got so much money from like the interviews and stuff afterwards that she was actually able to get off the streets and send her children to private school. Oh, so I don’t know. kind of worked out.

Mohanad Elshieky  06:09

Well, the other person we have is not a British actor. He’s an American actor called Kevin Spacey heard of him? Yeah. So I’m sure a lot of people are familiar with it. But if you’re not in 2017 the actor Anthony Rapp alleges that spacey while intoxicated, made sexual advances toward him. And that was like 1986 and Phil, like the thing that made it worse is that other than the obviously the sexual assault that was the fact that the actor was 14 years old. And Spacey was 26. So, exactly, absolutely disturbing. And then, you know, like, when, when the actor called Kevin Spacey out, Kevin Spacey apologized. And when we say apologize, he tweeted. But he said, My sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior, which is a very weird way to describe what he did. Because I feel like people get drunk all the time. And they don’t do that.

Hoja Lopez  07:22

Yeah, yeah, I get drunk, and I like sit in front of my refrigerator and just eat things. So I don’t Yeah, I feel like being drunk. If you’re already an asshole before you’re drunk. You’re going to be an asshole after you’re drunk.

Mohanad Elshieky  07:39

But he also like was while saying that he was also like, maintaining the maintaining that, if that happened, I’m not saying it happened. If it happened, then I apologize. So not even like really admitting to what happened. And he just he just doesn’t remember it. But to make it even worse, because it’s it was bad enough, but he was like, You know what I can? I can do worse than this. By the end of the apology, he decided to come out as gay. He said, basically, I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life. And I choose to live as a gay man. Good for you, Kevin. But what does that have to do with what you’ve done to that kid?

Kiki Monique  08:25

Yeah, I mean, you know, I’ve had a lot of friends who have come out. And it’s just like, terrible that he decided to use this like, beautiful moment, wrapped into like, a really dirty apology. Like, how gross is that?

Mohanad Elshieky  08:41

Yeah, cuz you have, like, people with bad intentions who always do the thing where they’re trying to, you know, connect, like being gay with like, I don’t like child abuse, or any of that. And what he did basically was like bracing that negative stereotype like, no, you’re not helping anyone here. This is like, first of all, this has not nothing to do with you being gay. Obviously, people have been gay for so long. And they don’t do that. That’s just a you thing. It’s just like, he was just like giving so many excuses. Not to say I have done a bad thing because of who I am as a person, Kevin Spacey.

Kiki Monique  09:15

It has nothing to do with you being drunk. It has nothing to do with you being gay. It has to do with you being a problematic person who does terrible things.

Mohanad Elshieky  09:26

I mean, like, there were like consequences, which was good. You know, he was removed from the cast of House of Cards, as like both an actor and like an executive producer, which led to us getting our first woman president, even a fictional one, which was a first so that’s great, I guess.

Kiki Monique  09:41

Always by default, always by default. We get it.

Mohanad Elshieky  09:46

He was the Andrew Cuomo of fictional stuff, you know, and also kind of use the same excuse as Andrew Cuomo, where he was like, sorry for everything I did. I’m Italian.

Hoja Lopez  09:57

He’s like, sorry for everything I did. I’m gay. Like it’s like stop

Mohanad Elshieky  10:01

Yeah everyone who was like in these two communities like don’t put me into, like that’s not me, that’s you.

Hoja Lopez  10:08

Yeah I wonder like if he felt like maybe coming out as gay might overshadow the like the issue that like even came out in the first place like I’m trying to think of whether or not he felt like well this will be bigger news.

Mohanad Elshieky  10:23

100% yeah, he thought was like this will be the point that everyone focuses on that Kevin Spacey came out and then everyone did not. Everyone was like, truly maybe the only good thing about you at this point.

Hoja Lopez  10:37

Hey, good job America. We didn’t let ourselves get distracted this time around which usually we love a distraction.

Mohanad Elshieky  10:49

Okay, what else do we have?

Kiki Monique  10:50

Well, I mean, wrapped up in the same time period. I mean, in addition to, you know, Hollywood actors, producers, and all of these people who were actually having this casting couch become a reality. Chefs, like chefs were chefs still are superstars to me. Like if I see a chef on the street, like, I will probably want a picture with them before some actual celebrities. So when the Me-Too Movement started, a lot of chefs that I really loved. We’re going down and one of the biggest ones, Mario Batali, and I was a huge Mario Batali fan like I don’t even watch daytime TV. And I would actually record the choose sometimes just to like, come home and watch it. And, you know, I was in New York at the time. And I was like, one of my first like, fancy restaurants was The Spotted Pig. I was obsessed with their chicken liver and like, I never made it to Del Posto I wanted that 100-layer lasagna like Mario Batali was definitely a superstar in my mind. But me too, came, a bunch of people came out and said he sexually, there was sexual misconduct, and a lot of inappropriate touching, a lot of inappropriate groping. And look, I’m not the sad thing is I’m not surprised because I’ve worked in the hospitality industry for a long time.

Hoja Lopez  12:17

If you’ve been a server anytime for the past, like 10 to 15 years, you’ve done it, like you’ve been in it.

Kiki Monique  12:23

Yeah, it’s a really, there’s a lot. There’s a lot of consensual sex. And then there’s a lot of just like touchy feely things happening. There’s just sex all over that place. But a lot of women employees came out to say, you know, he was a problem. And the craziest thing about his apology was he just copped to it right away. You know, he’s like, I apologize to the people I’ve mistreated. And although the identities of most of the individuals mentioned in these stories have not been revealed to me, much of the behavior described does in fact, match up with the ways I’ve acted. So, you know, he, you know, left the Hospitality Group that him and Bastianich had he like, got bought out of, you know, he was huge. He was an investor in Italy, which is huge. Now, you know, he got bought out of that, but, you know, he does this apology and actually like, if you, you know, read the full apology, it’s actually a solid apology. But then this is the weird part. I guess they have a newsletter that comes out to people often and the newsletter comes out that sort of like, you know, acknowledged these bad things have happened. However, here’s a cinnamon roll recipe in case you want it. And it was like, you really like, you really had to throw in a pizza dough cinnamon roll recipe at the end of this acknowledgment of sexual misconduct in your organization. Why?

Kiki Monique  12:39

He literally want to sweet talk his way out of it. That’s what he was trying to do.

Hoja Lopez  14:01

Hey, I will tell you something right now, if I am wronged, I will accept pastries as a repayment. So yeah, lots of ways to pay me back for stuff like that.

Kiki Monique  14:13

The funniest thing was this writer who decided to actually make this cinnamon roll recipe, just you know, she was like, if this is your apology, let me see if this fixes everything. And basically, he gave really bad instructions on how to make this thing. And when I even looked at the ingredients in his cinnamon rolls. It includes, first of all, like a pizza dough, which I don’t think I want pizza dough for my cinnamon roll. And then it includes either a light red or white wine, which are totally different things but also, I don’t know I don’t some of the ingredients don’t even feel like a good cinnamon roll to me.

Hoja Lopez  14:54

So on top of the fact that his apology was like so, so, on top of the fact that it was an inappropriate to put a recipe on it, then it gets made and the recipe sucks. Yeah, that to me, that is actually a fuck you.

Mohanad Elshieky  15:00

It seemed like a recipe from someone who’s like really going through and he was just like, you know, the night before he was like putting ingredients together. I’m just like, This is so fucking good. And I’ve added wine to it. I’ve been drinking this all day. And now generally got to put it out there and people are gonna love it.

Kiki Monique  15:24

So yeah, I mean, pretty much she’s lost, like, you know, all interest in his restaurants lost his interest in Italy. I mean, at the time, he was also really good friends with Gwyneth Paltrow of you remember, I’m sure that friendship went down the drain. I mean, I can only assume I haven’t heard much from him since which, I guess is fine. But he also I’m sure got a big payoff by selling off his interest in a lot of those. Oh, so

Hoja Lopez  15:49

where do you guys think he is today? Like if you had to imagine where Mario Batali is, what he’s doing? What is he doing?

Kiki Monique  15:55

Well, he definitely still wearing crocs he’s definitely still wearing crocs wherever it is. Probably an island.

Mohanad Elshieky  16:01

Exactly an island where he’s like trying to push that cinnamon dope pizza or whatever.

Hoja Lopez  16:06

like cooking for the locals and just blowing their minds or like you should go to America and cook for a living. Okay, so this next one you guys, I believe is a really good bad apology. And honestly, it haunts me at times I wake up in the middle of the night and I think to myself that happened and specifically I’m talking about Miya Ponsetto so all the articles are calling her Soho Karen but I can’t I just feel like Miya Ponsetto is her own chimera. You know, she is her own creature. She stands alone on her own shelf. But essentially she’s apologizing for having wrongly accused a black teen of taking your phone in a New York City hotel lobby. If you remember the video, which is insane. She basically is like, lost her phone at this point. And so she kind of walks back into the hotel lobby. And is at that point, just kind of looking at anybody who has an iPhone. Also the most sold phone in the world. Every single person that I know has an iPhone. If you have an Android, you’re a psychopath. Like that’s not true. So she is I guess just profiling this kid who’s 14 years old. And she literally physically takes him down. Which is just absolutely insane. Honestly, she blows up. This video goes viral. I mean, beyond anything I’d seen up until that point, like I felt like every single one of my friends were talking about.

Kiki Monique  18:27

Oh yeah, I mean, I was on a witch hunt with the rest of the internet like because everyone was essentially at that point. Like whoever had tagged Arlo hotel. We were like, let me find her and like, comparing faces this looks like her looking at profiles. I was going into my Finsta following people. I was out of control; I will say myself.

Mohanad Elshieky  18:46

Truly, I would say the most insane person in America at that time. Like, yeah, everything about her just like the video the apology like the vibe, amazing.

Hoja Lopez  18:56

The vibe is unhinged, for sure. And we’re also at the same time also having this ginormous conversation about privilege and about race and all this is happening. And so it just feels like her insanity is just it fits in perfectly with the narrative of what we’re talking about at this point in time. This all happens in December, and she gets basically arrested on January 8, but that is the same day that the first segment of her CBS Morning interview airs. The complete interview ends up airing on January 11th. So as this is airing, Mia is under arrest. So she’s not having a great Saturday, you guys, she’s really struggling a day. Oh, sorry. I’m laughing I actually feel like there’s something wrong with her and I hope she’s getting help.

Mohanad Elshieky  20:14

Do you remember during the Gayle King interview, the hat that she was wearing? It was truly, like could not pick a better outfit.

Hoja Lopez  20:28

Yeah, it was truly unhinged. And also, you guys, I saw myself in her, like, just a little bit. I know, just hold on. I just saw myself I’m like, I want to wear a cute hat. That’s says daddy and like some athleisure. Like I just was like, she’s just like, cute. You know what I mean? And like the glasses, she just looks like some lady that I would follow on Instagram. It’d be like her life is perfect. And on the other end of it, she’s like taking down 14-year-olds getting drunk with her mom and hotel lobbies. Like, there’s something about her that feels like what that feels so current, you know what I mean? Like, she doesn’t feel like a Karen who’s wearing like, you know, like, I don’t know, she’s walking her dog. And like a weird purple top. Purple tops are fine. I’m so sorry. I’m not attacking people who wear purple top. What I’m saying is there’s something about the way that she looks that feels so TikTok, Instagram, like she feels like it’s somebody that we would know.

Mohanad Elshieky  21:28

That’s a new generation of Karen’s, you know, like, it’s a new recruit.

Kiki Monique  21:32

We’re used to the meme of the haircut, you know, the haircut I’m talking about and like, that’s what we’re expecting to see. And now we see a woman who’s clearly a woman of color. And we’re like, huh, what’s going on here?

Mohanad Elshieky  21:44

The Karen Association got together and they were like, we need to rebrand. And they put their ideas together. And this is what came out.

Hoja Lopez  21:52

We need them younger. We need them to have John Lennon glasses on. Get the lingo and also be racist. That’s why I saw myself in her is this just like, I feel like I understood her generation. And I understood her references and what she was wearing and how she spoke and it scared me. It just was like, ah, I thought we were eradicating this, but obviously we’re not.

Mohanad Elshieky  22:20

Yeah, I kind of got a software update. And this is what we’re gonna end up with now.

Hoja Lopez  22:24

So then we go into, for me, like the way that I feel like all teenagers wish they could respond to their parents when she cuts off Gail with a hand up and says the word enough. And just basically proceeds to ask Gail, she’s like, can we just move on? You know what I mean? And Gail’s like, well, no, because you haven’t taken any responsibility. You really seems unhinged at that point. She to me, it is like the ultimate like image management kind of thing. Like the only reason she went on was to try to control the narrative. And then it spiraled even further. Because in every single word that she was saying, I felt like it was like dripping with condescension, dripping with the fact that of like, I shouldn’t even be here. Why are all these people making such a big deal about this? And that made me crazy.

Mohanad Elshieky  23:38

I love that the like let’s move on part like, move on to what why do you think you’re doing this interview? Or like you have a clothing line or something you want to talk about? Like, what do you want to plug something?

Hoja Lopez  23:48

And then my favorite quote, she was like, how was one girl accusing a guy about a phone a crime?

Mohanad Elshieky  23:55

Which is like, amazing.

Hoja Lopez  23:57

She basically takes reality. And this is why I think there’s something up when you take reality and warp it into something that makes sense to only you, and the entire world around you is going like no, that was fucked up. And you stick to your guns. That’s the confidence of a White man. You know what I mean? Like that is the confidence of a straight wealthy white man. And I keep telling you, we need to have this, we need that juice. We all need to have a little bit of that insanity.

Mohanad Elshieky  24:28

Speaking of the confidence of White men, we have another person coming up who is an Olympic swimmer, Ryan Lochte. I’m not sure if anyone have heard of him or remember the apology or what happened to him?

Kiki Monique  24:42

I thought he was a hottie.

Hoja Lopez  24:44

Okay. I’ve really started to develop the idea that you have that type key. You just mentioned a couple of men that you’re attracted to. And they are made of the same cloth. They are from the same cookie cutter.

Kiki Monique  24:56

I grew up in the suburbs. What can I say?

Mohanad Elshieky  24:59

Kiki is about to be like okay, let’s move on. And enough, okay. Oh, I love it. No, but I don’t know if you don’t like if you remember he like he was like in the 2016 Olympics in Brazil. And he claimed that he and other like swimmers got robbed on the gunpoint and he made this, he went to the police father report. And that was a story that he was telling that they were robbed. And it was traumatic to him and it was very bad. Turns out the people who pulled guns at him and he said that they were pretending to be police were actually security guards because he was vandalizing a gas station. Do you guys ever go to a foreign country and just vandalize a gas station I’m sure that’s everyone’s experience.

Hoja Lopez  25:55

Sounds really fun. Sounds like a nice night out, like a good date.

Mohanad Elshieky  26:00

You know like to be in Brazil and this is what you do like out of like the old things you can do like the sightseeing the beautiful like places you can you can go to […] that’s a good and be like I don’t like this gas station. I think I can make it better. I think this is American confidence. Just be like I can make this better.

Kiki Monique  26:18

Has he never watched locked up abroad. I mean, once I saw broke down Palace, like when I go overseas, I am so straight laced. Nothing, I do nothing bad because I do not want to be locked up abroad.

Hoja Lopez  26:31

Wait, is that the Kate Beckinsale, Claire Danes movie. Oh my god, that movie is a horror show. Yes. American taking you Yeah, you got to keep it on the straight and narrow. I’m on a green card in America. So I don’t do anything bad here either.

Mohanad Elshieky  26:57

Yeah, if immigration is listening. I have never done anything bad here. Only good things. Actually. I’ve only made gas stations way better. But the thing is like so he apologized for that this is what the apology was about, was about the lie. But the way he apologized though he would not take accountability for what he did. He was basically said, you know, like, when you’re like abroad, it’s like, you know, it’s traumatic to be laid out with your friends in a foreign country with a language barrier, and have a stranger point a gun at you. Like I have lived in a foreign country, the US for seven years. And to this day haven’t set anything on fire or just vandalize something. I mean, do I dream about vandalizing? The retail spaces I worked in? Would I do it? No. But it’s just insane to me, like how you like not only not taking accountability for what you did, you’re also like, in the Olympics, why would you do that? Like people do so much to get there, and to apologize in the way he did? I mean, I’ve given him credit. That was like, extremely like impressive, like mental gymnastics. Like he should have won a medal for that.

Kiki Monique  28:15

But the line, but regardless of the behavior of anyone else that night, regardless of the behavior of anyone, your behavior, this is about your behavior.

Mohanad Elshieky  28:25

This makes sense, if you were like if you were like going on a vacation and with your friends, and you got drunk, and then you did this, it’s still very bad. But you know, we’ll try to like excuse it, in whatever way, but to be in the Olympics is insane.

Hoja Lopez  28:40

Well, yeah, you’re there to like, represent America.

Mohanad Elshieky  28:43

To be fair, that’s also a good representation of America. in that regard. I mean, 10 out of 10.

Kiki Monique  28:57

This apology is kind of interesting, because like a lot of apologies. Well, at least for me, sometimes it’s people I don’t even know but I get obsessed with the story. And then it’s like I have to like know every bit about it. So there was this model, Carissa Pinkston, I didn’t know who she was, but in 2020 she was, she got this big contract. She was actually like the face of like Savage by Fenty Rihanna’s line. So she got a really big deal. She was like a model for Marc Jacobs. So she was modeling and apparently this is back in 2019. She says she’s in Japan. She says she is traveling; she is sleep deprived. And she comes across this story about a transgender woman who was murdered, and she just like, gets involved. This is the story she’s telling. And she wanted to raise a conversation, create a dialogue about it. So she decides to tweet about it. And the tweet that she puts out is being transgender does not make you a woman. It makes you simply transgender. And this immediately goes viral. But now she’s freaking out. So she goes on Dr. Phil, and I want you to hear this clip. And in this clip, she said the moldy room caused her to make this tweet.

Kiki Monique  30:57

If that is true, everyone in New York City will be extremely transphobic. Like, what are you doing here?

Kiki Monique  31:20

Oh my god. So she tweets This is going viral. And in order to cover it up, because now she’s freaking out. She’s like, I don’t know what to do. So in order to cover it up, she comes out as transgender. So this is kind of what I picked up the story is that I hear about this model, who is transgender, and so she comes out and she says, I wasn’t ready to come out about it yet. But today, I got fired. And I’ve been receiving hate mail and death threats ever since. So I’m being forced to tell the truth. I’m transgender. I transitioned at a very young age, and I’ve lived my life as a female ever since it’s been very hard to keep the secret. But what I said about trans women is a direct reflection of my inner insecurities. And I have since come to realize that I am a woman. We all are.

Kiki Monique  32:13

So yeah, now it’s a really confusing place we’re at because yeah, you had this, you know, transphobic tweet, but now you’re saying you’re transgender? Well, and this is where I think, like I really I have fears of this sometimes a friend, a high school friend, you know, she had graduated just three years before, I think in Pennsylvania. And a friend that she went to school with sees this story going viral. And she’s like, wait, what, she’s not transgender. And she was like, she reached out to other high school friends, because she didn’t want to come out with this. And you know, if she was wrong, and she double checked with everyone, and everyone’s like, no, she’s absolutely not transgender. So she screenshotted all of these transphobic Facebook messages that had, you know, she had seen before. And she put it out there for everyone to see. So now it’s come out that like, all of this was a lie, and you weren’t transgender. And she basically said, she freaked out. She did it. Because after panicking, she felt like she needed to do something. Because now she’s like, I’ve been bullied, I’m being bullied, I’m getting death threats. And now I really do know what it’s like to be a transgender person because I’ve been bullied.

Mohanad Elshieky  33:39

It’s so insane to me, also, like, how do you lie about something of this magnitude? Like you think no one like maybe you’re even your family, like you have like, extended family, whatever, they’re gonna come out and be like, oh, that’s not true. I don’t get it.

Hoja Lopez  33:58

I believe that she fully panicked and was like, how do I get these people off of my back at all, and did not even plan a second further than where she was right in that moment. And therefore made it a million. I can’t even I don’t know if it’s a million times worse. I this is totally outrageous. This is insane. It also reminds me of like, something you would do if you were eight years old. It’s like taking on a level of, of a lie that you know, that you can’t back up like, when I was a teenager, I used to lie that my family had a Lamborghini. And I got called out by just everyone you guys and I was like, no, it’s coming. It’ll be here on Friday, and you’re gonna see this Lamborghini and it’s mine and I have it. I knew that Lamborghini wasn’t coming on Friday. I knew it wasn’t happening. But I didn’t have to worry about that until Friday baby and when your frontal lobe is not developed and you are so like, you’re like, it’s gonna be fine. The cards are gonna fall where they may, I’m gonna be good. Just as long as I can get out of this conversation in this moment unscathed, I’ll be fine. So it’s kind of like, honestly, it’s like the entire Trump administration as well. They know damn well, that none of that shows coming.

Kiki Monique  35:17

So she finally came out with sort of a final statement, just saying I apologize for any transphobic remark I’ve made toward the trans community, I panicked. I thought if I came in as trans, I could somehow make things better for myself, but it appears I’ve only made things worse. I’m truly sorry. I’m only 20. And I’m human, I make mistakes. But I refuse to let them define me. I hope you can all forgive me, and move on from this because I’m so much more than this incident. And I’m not a coward. And taking some time to reflect on my actions that I hope you all can try to understand.

Mohanad Elshieky  35:47

Oh, absolutely. I hope she got enough sleep now.

Hoja Lopez  35:52

Now that she doesn’t have to stay up for photoshoots or jobs or anything like that. Okay, so I really am excited to talk about this next one. Because to me, it’s truly first of all, an apology to basically 140 million Americans, that is what ended up having to happen. It’s a big deal. So I don’t know if you guys remember Equifax. So it’s the they’re basically like a credit reporting agencies. So they tell us whether or not we’re worthy of getting things and getting loans and getting a certain amount of money. It’s basically the hell that’s kind of what I described, Equifax says.

Kiki Monique  36:48

Yeah, they always give me the worst score. It’s like, I’m like a TransUnion girl, they always make me look like I have good credit. But Equifax.

Hoja Lopez  36:55

So when this massive hack happened, literally 140 million Americans and so everybody that I know is all like, running online to the internet, and just being like, was I affected, was I not affected. And so this is one thing. So to make matters worse, Equifax waited a full six weeks after it happened before they even announced the breach to the public. So even if you will already apologize, you’ve already committed so many grievances, since the moment that the initial issue happened, that you’re already set up to fail for me personally. So they chose not to notify the people who were affected. And instead, they set up a website that they tell no one about. And the website is not actually ready for many days. So people who are entering their information to figure out whether or not their info is hacked, they’re told to like come back later. So this is where no matter what the apology is, at this point, which is already not great. All the things that they’re doing leading up to even apologizing to me as making this apology so overdue and even more necessary. So three Equifax executives sell shares, the day after the company finds out about the hack. They start offering free credit monitoring. But initially, they are requiring the people who enroll in the free monitoring to actually waive their right to sue the company over the hack in like the fine print. So at this point, I’m just like, this is the worst company on mother flippin Earth.

Mohanad Elshieky  38:30

This is like some villain bullshit.

Hoja Lopez  38:34

And so later, they like backtrack. So now they can sue but you have to send Equifax a written notice that you’re going to sue within 30 days. So they’re just like literally creating bullshit contracts that people have to sign in order to sign up just for free credit monitoring.

Mohanad Elshieky  38:51

I would say it’s very smart, though, because like, if you asked me to write anything and send it in the mail, I am not going to do it. I’ve been paying for a gym membership in Portland, Oregon, a place I haven’t lived in for two years because they asked me to send a letter and I was like, you know what, I’ll pay your money instead. I will not write this.

Hoja Lopez  39:10

So to me, the larger picture of this is the Equifax CEO kind of Richard Smith does eventually apologize, you know, and this is after they’ve genuinely just done the worst job at kind of doing right by these people that they’ve sort of like fucked over. And so he sort of starts with this like to each and every person affected by this breach, and I’m like 140 million people. I’m really sorry that this occurred, and that the company failed to prevent sensitive information from falling into the hands of wrongdoers. In the back of my mind, I’m like, bro, you’re a wrongdoer. Like you are a wrongdoer. You’re doing all of this shit to cover this up. And the cover up is always worse than the crime because you’re basically having this just the worst handling of one of the biggest cybersecurity breaches and he literally writes out an eight-page testimony of everything kind of like leading up to the breach, but then after completely just leaves up the fact that like, there were security issues that weren’t patched, there’s all this like, bullshit. If you’ve tried everything to not do right by the people who you owe an apology to, you’re done, like nothing that you say means anything.

Kiki Monique  40:25

Yeah, I’m sure he was making millions of dollars a salary. And basically, you were getting paid a lot and you were not doing your job and the people under you weren’t doing your job. So you failed. And what this pisses me off most about this is like, you have a fuckup of this magnitude. And, like you still get to be in business. Like you still get to determine the interest rate when I buy a car, like you should be out of business. Equifax should not be a factor in anything goodbye, like I don’t want your credit score.

Hoja Lopez  40:54

I know but it’s so much harder to cancel a corporation than it is to a person.

Mohanad Elshieky  41:04

Speaking of dumb people, this is how I’m introducing my next person I am so I mean, he’s not very dumb, but this is how I choose to segue into this, Shia LaBeouf, known actor. We all heard of him, you know, he was on Even Stevens, the transformers. You know, so many other things that I do not remember now, and I do not care to remember. But he has so many things to apologize for. But I picked this one apology, because I think it’s truly magnificent. So I don’t know like, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen his short film in like 2013. It’s called HowardContour.com. Now, it’s a short film. It’s about a TV critic. It’s like a 14-minute movie that was like made around in festivals, like got a lot of recognition. People loved it. And it was made completely by Shyla buff. But then it turns out that there was like a lot of similarities between the movie and there’s a comic that was made by a cartoonist called Daniel Claws. And when I say similarities, I mean it was stolen like line by line, the whole thing, the visuals, the lines, the only thing that he changed was made by him at the end, everything else was the same. And he did not mention that man’s name in any part of that movie.

Kiki Monique  42:33

This is more actions of an eight-year-old, this is like when I would go to the encyclopedia and just like copy the exact paragraph of like butterflies and then it’s like report done.

Mohanad Elshieky  42:43

And the crazy thing is like he’s like documented saying that he is a big fan of that man he stole the movie from.

Kiki Monique  42:53

That’s like Miya Ponsetto level, unhinged.

Mohanad Elshieky  42:58

Like also, what did you think was gonna happen? Like, did you think that cartoonist was just gonna like watch the film and be like, man, great minds think alike.

Hoja Lopez  43:11

It’s incredible, line for line. What made his apology like so bad? What did what did he say afterwards?

Mohanad Elshieky  43:17

So his apology was like, well worded. Like if you read it, he will the copying isn’t like creative work. Like being inspired by someone else’s idea, producing something is different from creative work, which is, you know, it’s like okay, make sense. You know, he said, like, in the excitement and being like an amateur like filmmaker, I kind of got lost in the creative process. But what made the apology bad is that it turns out, he kind of like copy pasted this apology from like a yahoo answers, and I’m just like, this got to be the dumbest thing ever. Like to apologize for stealing something by stealing something else. It just tells me that you truly do not give a fuck.

Mohanad Elshieky  43:41

It feels like he’s like doing a Banksy or something. He’s like, it’s so egregious that it feels hilarious. Like, it just almost feels like a prank kind of.

Kiki Monique  44:08

Like living in his own piece of art. And he’s just like, creating those along the way. Like this feels like a good path to take.

Mohanad Elshieky  44:16

Yeah, well, I’m sorry. I will never watch Even Stevens again. So here’s that. Gonna boycott that

Kiki Monique  44:30

well, the opposite of Shia is someone that I actually really love and someone that I would never think would do any wrong would never lie, cheat and steal. But it’s important to hold those people that you love and you really think are kind of perfection in your eyes, accountable. And that person is President Obama.

Mohanad Elshieky  44:53

What was he President of? Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure.

Kiki Monique  45:02

So apparently back in, I guess it was 2010. There was a defense appropriations spending bill that had been, you know, passed it was going to get passed in Congress Senate. You know, however that works in that house over there. But apparently, what was included in this bill was this apology to Native Americans. It was the Native American Apology Resolution. And this was an apology that I guess Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas had originally introduced. And it was to officially apologize for the past ill-conceived policies by the US government, toward the natives people of this land, and reaffirm our commitment towards healing our nation’s wounds and working toward establishing better relationships rooted in reconciliation. I mean, that sounds like something you definitely want to apologize for. Am I right? The problem was, we didn’t know about it. I mean, I didn’t know about it, there was no press release about it. The native peoples didn’t know that this apology existed. It was just buried in this defense bill, which seems so odd to me. Like why? Why would the government do that?

Kiki Monique  46:31

Well, then you should not be even more surprised that of course, this apology had a disclaimer that said nothing in this apology authorizes or supports any legal claims against the United States. And the resolution does not settle any claims.

Mohanad Elshieky  46:31

I cannot believe that the US government doesn’t know how to apologize. I’m shocked to my core right now, shaking.

Mohanad Elshieky  46:56

Truly amazing. I’m gonna like adopt that for future apologies for myself, you know, like someone would like be like, You owe me an apology. Like I apologize. Like when I’m like, was it’s not my fault. You didn’t see it? If you check the defense bill, they’ve included that. So I don’t know. Maybe you should read more.

Hoja Lopez  47:18

What does an apology matter if you can’t get like a resolution or justice in the end of it? It’s like, if you stole from me, and you apologize, great, but you’re not gonna give me back the thing you stole from me. It just makes, it cuts through it completely and makes it ridiculous.

Kiki Monique  47:36

That’s the definition of performative. I’m pretty sure like this is, you know, and people were like, well, why, you know, is Obama ever going to address this? And, you know, they kind of said like, the reason maybe he did it was because it was an election year. And if he did draw attention to it, it might make him look weak for this apology. And if he didn’t, you know, there was like, so it still got buried and more politics, which is the unfortunate part of it all.

Mohanad Elshieky  48:02

Yeah, that’s a great thing about this country’s like, every two years, it’s an election year somehow. And that’s why nothing gets done because I’m like, it’s the elections. I mean, I don’t feel like this is like even like a Barack Obama like an apologist like the US government. And they never apologize for anything. I mean, like they owe so many different people and groups and countries. Most of this earth apologies.

Hoja Lopez  48:30

The Charlie Sheen of apologies, they’ve just spent the last hundreds and hundreds of years fucking it up. And we just have to choose which one we want to talk about at any given moment. There’s too many.

Mohanad Elshieky  48:45

So out of out of this amazing apologies that we’ve gone through today, which one would you say is the worst for you personally?

Kiki Monique  48:55

Oh, man. I mean, I probably am going to have to it’s like a tough one. I think I just, I can’t stand up Miya Ponsetto so much. Anyone who disrespects Oprah’s friend is an enemy to me. So for me, she’s at the bottom.

Hoja Lopez  49:13

She is the Gayle King of Queens, and I love her so much. I’m going to choose I mean, honestly, and I feel bad for her in some ways, but I think I’m gonna choose yours Carissa Pinkston because, like, the lie of pretending that you’re transgender is so messed up. It is just so beyond, normalcy beyond and it just feels insane to me, but because she’s a woman, I choose Shia Lebouf.

Mohanad Elshieky  49:47

No, I can’t pick her because

Hoja Lopez  49:50

That’s what we believe women.

Mohanad Elshieky  49:53

Okay, yeah. I’ll have to pick a man now. I’ll just have to go with the extreme opposite of that was Kevin Spacey obviously. I think I mean; I think what he did was not just a bad thing was a crime that he was not paying for.

Kiki Monique  50:09

So what’s the best of the worst?

Mohanad Elshieky  50:12

That’s a good one. If I had to pick I’ll say Hugh Grant. He’s British. She’s been through enough.

Kiki Monique  50:17

I’ll go with Hugh, too, I think he was the best of the worst.

Hoja Lopez  50:20

You know, I’m trying just to be contrary, you know, just fuck it up a little bit. Honestly, again, I think I know this is so bad, but this is stupid. But I think Karissa Pinkston, like, to a certain extent, like in my mind, I’m like, after all of this happens, you know, just the whole idea of her saying, like, hey, I’m 20 I hope you guys can forgive me like, I lied, and I panic, and I think she’s, like, sincere about it. So I’m gonna maybe say she’s my best and my worst.

Mohanad Elshieky  51:01

Okay. Yeah, so you’re just making us look bad here, which is problematic support for women.

Hoja Lopez  51:08

I don’t think I have a soft spot for like, young women making fucked up mistakes because I want to be forgiven. You know, like, I just, I think when I was 20 I was also a giant mess and I just, I’m glad that the people in my life made space for me to fuck up. I mean, I never did that. But I did fake a Lamborghini for six months.

Mohanad Elshieky  51:29

Well, this has been great. I think we fucking crushed it with those apologies. Those are the nine worst apologies. I challenge you to go and fight any worse apologies. Please don’t do that. And we’ll see you next week. Thank you so much.

Kiki Monique  51:50

I’M SORRY is a Lemonada Media Original. The show is produced by Alex McOwen, supervising producer is Kryssy Pease. Our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our mix is by Kat Yore and theme music was composed by Xander Singh. If you like this show, please rate and review. And please don’t cancel us. You can find out more about our show at @LemonadaMedia on all social platforms, or follow us on Instagram at @imsorry_podcast. We’ll be back next week and until then be nice, play fair and always say I’m sorry. Thanks for listening!