Ricki first met actress Rachael Harris (“The Hangover,” “Suits,” “Lucifer,” “Mother of the Bride”) while filming a Lifetime movie together in 2007. From that point on, the two became forever friends. Join Ricki and Rachael as they gab about botox, dating with hot flashes, surrogacy, menopause, and hair extensions gone wrong. No topic is off limits. Plus, Ricki reminds Rachael of some much needed advice she gave her when a certain male celebrity asked Ricki back to his place.

Show Resources:

• Matters of Life and Dating

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Rachel Harris, Ricki Lake

Ricki Lake  00:02

This is The High Life with me, Ricki Lake, where we find out how my guests crack the code to living a full and vibrant life. So you can too. Today’s guest, you know her, you know her as Melissa in the hangover, or perhaps Sheila from Suits, or maybe even Dr. Linda Martin from Lucifer. She could also be spotted in all the Christopher Guest classics, like Best in Show and a mighty wind. The list goes on and on. I am so excited to welcome the prolific Rachel Harris. She and I met and became dear friends in 2007 we were filming a Lifetime movie in Halifax Nova Scotia, and we’ve stayed friends ever since, through it all, all the changes in our lives these past two decades. I mean, when we first met back then, in 2007 I was single, she was married, and now it’s the opposite. I had young kids and she was childless. Now mine are well into their 20s and out of the house, and she is wrangling to under the age of 10. I can’t wait to talk to her about how she’s navigating raising young kids in her 50s, the pressures of looking ageless in Hollywood and the best advice we have given each other over the years. Plus, I want to gossip. I mean, come on. Rachel Harris, welcome to the show.

 

Rachel Harris  01:13

Hi. Oh, I love you so much. I’m just so happy to see you.

 

Ricki Lake  01:17

I know.

 

Rachel Harris  01:17

I’m so happy to see you. And just like to chat.

 

Ricki Lake  01:19

You are someone I have always admired, always respected and looked up to. Where are you getting your highs from right now? Like, what is bringing you joy? It can be anything.

 

Rachel Harris  01:31

Wow okay, so where I’m getting my highs from right now, honestly, I was gonna make a joke and say, just keeping my children alive? No, but I I’m getting my highs right now from seeing the progress that my kids are making, truly because it’s so weird how work has slowed so much because of both of the strikes. And I’m not in a relationship right now. So usually, we get so many highs from our relationships or from our work, but it’s kind of like the universe just just said, No, we just need you to see your kids right now. We just need you to be present with your children. And it’s true,it’s amazing, and it’s beautiful, and it’s also the hardest job. So I’m getting my highs from seeing them progress, but I’m also really getting highs from seeing myself become a better mom.

 

Ricki Lake  02:28

Yeah, tell me. Wait tell the boys, if you have Henry and Otto, how old are they now?

 

Rachel Harris  02:32

Henry is seven, he’ll be eight next month, and then Otto is five, and he’ll be six and two months.

 

Ricki Lake  02:41

You’re in it, you’re in it. So, okay, so let’s go back in time. How you became an actress. You’re from Ohio, did you always want to be an actress?

 

Rachel Harris  02:51

Yeah, I well, at first, when I was little, I wanted to be a singer. Like, I loved watching Karen Carpenter and Marie Osmond and, you know, like, I’ve watched all like Donnie and Marie, and I loved Whitney Houston, and I mean, all of these singers, and I thought, I’m gonna be a singer, but then you have to be able to sing to, like, become a singer. So I started out with that, and then in elementary school, my elementary school teacher could see that I loved performing. And it really started with my brother and my sister, who loved making me act out things. And they loved it, and I loved getting that attention from them. And so then I do a talent show in at Colonial Hills Elementary School. I sing, please, Mr. Postman, buy the carpenters to the record. We put the 45 on behind us. I sing that I end up winning the talent show, only to find out that it’s because my older brother, who was in the sixth grade, I was in first, he stuffed the ballot box like he and his friends just kept waiting. Rachel Harris, you know? Because back then, it was just like on a piece of paper, and I don’t know. And so the olden days, old tiny days, and I won. And to this day, if ever I do anything, Jack my older brother Jack Harris and my sister Julie, they’re both the greatest people in my life. And whenever I do anything, they just, like, get emotional.

 

Ricki Lake  04:10

I mean, I get emotional. Like, seriously, your career? You’ve had such a rich career. Can we talk about The Hangover? Like, what did you know that was going to be the biggest blockbuster? And no idea this movie, no?

 

Rachel Harris  04:25

Had no idea. I just was so grateful I had done a little thing. I think I’d auditioned for something, a little thing for Todd Phillips for something else. And I was like, oh, man, I would love to work with him. Oh, I did starscan hutch with him and Molly Sims and I played friends like in the 70s. It was really fun. And so then when I auditioned for the hangover, I just wanted to work with him again. And I didn’t know who Bradley Cooper was, but then being on set with them, it just was so fun.

 

Ricki Lake  05:00

What was it like? Can you describe it? What was it like?

 

Rachel Harris  05:03

Yes, I just remember it was like a dream. It was so fun everybody just was trying to make each other laugh.

 

05:10

Were you ad libbing? Was it all in the script on the page, or was it stuff that you just came up with, because you come from Groundlings and improv is your thing?

 

Rachel Harris  05:17

Yeah, right a lot of it was on the page and then, but what was great about Todd, and even working with Ed, we improvised. We went crazy. And then, well, what happened was, is that it was written, that it said, This is not how this works. And when I was rehearsing it by myself, I was like, I know this person. She is not having it. She’s completely controlling. And I remember practicing in my and I’ve never said this before, but I was practicing before, but I was practicing in my bathroom upstairs at that house over in Los Feliz that you’ve been to for birthday parties where we have the picture. Yeah okay, so I was upstairs, and I was thinking, what am I like when I’m a real bitch? And I was like, screaming like that is not at his works like a temper tantrum, like a toddler. And then it ended up translating, right? And I thought, well, toddle, tell me if it’s just too big, like, if it’s crazy. And then he was like, no, I love it. And then at the end, he just kept telling me different things to say, like, Now, say this. Now, say this, now say this. And it ranged from suck my dick to Suck my cock to suck my tit, like everything, like, suck my vagina. I was like, that’s not funny. Suck my butthole. Like all of these things, like, say this for the plane, like, suck, suck my ass or, you know, so it’s like.

 

Ricki Lake  06:31

Did you crack yourself up? Are you someone that like laughs and breaks all this character and oh god, yeah.

 

Rachel Harris  06:36

Oh, I made so many people mad at the Groundlings because I was in scenes with Jim Rash, and I couldn’t get through it.

 

Ricki Lake  06:42

Oh, yeah. Okay, so wait, I just want to go back, because I want to explain what Groundlings is for people that don’t know. It’s an improv group that a lot of young people, when they come to LA and want to be actors, they join it and it’s, it’s, it’s a skill I can admit I’m an actor. I was an actor. I can’t do improv like I literally.

 

Rachel Harris  07:00

Just did a show like two weeks ago, and it I was horrifying. It’s like a muscle, you know? It’s like you have to keep working out and getting your brain to think that way. It’s really not.

 

Ricki Lake  07:10

I don’t believe you are.

 

Rachel Harris  07:12

And it is like a real community. It’s a family, and they go on to have these huge careers, people like Will Ferrell, Cherry o Terry, Kristen, Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Ben Falcone.

 

Ricki Lake  07:24

Lisa Kudrow.

 

Rachel Harris  07:25

Jim Rash, Nat Facts and Cheryl Hines. Cheryl Hines and I are still best friends from knowing each other in 1994.

 

Ricki Lake  07:34

So you met in 94 so that’s basically around the time, like, Oh, I was doing my talk show then I was actually on the air. So like I was thinking about how we actually met and became friends on this movie that we’ll talk about. It was called matters of life and dating, and we made it up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, in the middle of nowhere, beautiful, beautiful place, but there was nothing to do except for us to get really close to each other. We made this movie. It was really sweet. It was a Lifetime movie, and it was basically for breast cancer awareness month, which was October, and the movie was called matters of life and dating. No one saw it.

 

Rachel Harris  08:06

Dating, no one saw it. Lucky girl, remember.

 

Ricki Lake  08:09

Yes, wasn’t great, but the movie was very sweet, and I played like this character. I can’t remember my name in it, but I go through breast cancer. I go through losing a single mastectomy and trying to navigate being single and dating, and you’re you play my best friend. And it was really sweet, but it was really like, what happened off screen for me.

 

Rachel Harris  08:28

Totally it’s that thing where it’s like, you think, Oh, I’m going here because I’m going to shoot this movie and it’s going to help me with my career. But I really think you never really know why you’re doing something. That’s why it’s like for me, spiritually, I was like, Oh, I was supposed to meet Ricki, and we were supposed to be there for each other.

 

Ricki Lake  08:46

And I think we both evolved, evolved by being there for each other. I was newly single, if you remember, you had just gotten out of your divorce.

 

Rachel Harris  08:55

No, I think I was still married. I think I was still married, and I think after we got back was when I was like, I don’t think this is what I want to do anymore remember?

 

Ricki Lake  09:06

Yes, I was the one fucking the grips, yes.

 

Rachel Harris  09:09

And I was not.

 

Ricki Lake  09:10

Not plural. That just singular, just sounds better, just singular, just one. But when you arrived, when you arrived and we met, I mean, I remember, like, an apartment meeting, and your hair was, like, really messed up, like you had extensions. And I never, I’d never seen extensions at that point. I got familiar with it right after that, years later, I started using it because my hair was thinning. But you had something happen where the extensions were put in backwards.

 

Rachel Harris  09:35

They were individual keratin, keratin, keratin, like the hot wax whatever people know what it is, but it’s like individual extensions, like little and I’d gotten them the day before I flew to Halifax. And I don’t need to say the hairdresser’s name, or I don’t even know if they’re still in business.

 

Ricki Lake  09:54

My guess is no. I think she’s probably defunct.

 

Rachel Harris  09:57

I think she’s probably out of it, but she’s I remember. She was always stoned. And I was like, that’s fine, except for this time I was shooting to I was flying across the country to do a movie, and she put in the bonds, like the hair was loose. And I was like, Huh? I’ve never seen it loose. It’s always been, like, bonded pre made. So that was the first thing I noticed. I was like, Huh? So the hair was loose, and she would grab it in little chunks and then just put it in my hair. And I was like, Okay, I guess that works. Well, go to bed that night. I get up, I get on the airplane. I’m like, why is it like matted cut to the hairdresser Halifax in Nova Scotia, goes, your hair runs like north to south, from root to tip, and they put the bonds in tip to root. There was no way we could brush it. And I was I remember just being like, Ricki, what are we gonna do? And then literally, them, short of cutting all of that stuff out of my hair, they just took, like pliers. They didn’t even redo them. They put like a wig, or they took a wig and cut it up and made like, clip in extensions for my hair. But that was, I just remember, I don’t remember crying to you about it. I think, I think we both thought it was funny. But also just like.

 

Ricki Lake  11:14

No, it was jacked. You were a good sport. I remember I was self conscious about my hair then, because I was struggling my hair. And, of course, I lost weight and so my hair would shed. And I just remember just being fascinated by like, I’m still fascinated to this day, I stare at people’s heads and like, is that extensions that real? I’ve grown to really love and appreciate that I have hair. I love my natural gray.

 

Rachel Harris  11:37

I have extensions now.

 

Ricki Lake  11:39

You do, yeah, I had to just be done with it. It was It pulled and it was painful, and it was just the upkeep. And to me, it felt fake. I didn’t like guys pulling on my hair, yeah. I just, I had to let that go and shaving. It was the way I got through it.

 

Rachel Harris  11:56

I know it’s hard to let go of things.

 

Ricki Lake  11:59

Yeah, I wanted to go into, like, aging and where you’re at with it, because I, you know, I’m 50, I’m gonna be 56 and I am really, for the most part, I’m really okay with what I got. And I have a lot of friends in my circle that are starting to do things beyond Botox, beyond and I’m considering, I’m considering fixing this my for those of you at home, I’m holding my, under my chin. So basically, I lost 40 pounds in the last since October without the use of anything naturally. And I work out every day. You know, I really take care of myself, but I have like, like my face is going south my and it’s starting to bother me. And I struggle. I struggle with this because I am someone that I really like. I think I like put out into the world, like, like, love yourself no matter what. And so I think, like, there’s that that I believe in, and I also believe that options are available to us, and we should do whatever the fuck we want to do to ourselves, for ourselves we should do. Yeah, so how, what’s your what’s your philosophy on this subject matter?

 

Rachel Harris  13:10

Okay, so my philosophy is, if it makes you feel good, do it. If you have the means and the time, do it. I am, I love Botox. I’ve been getting Botox since I was in my 40s. I went through an entire marriage with a husband that was like, don’t ever do anything to your face. And I was like, okay, but I was doing Botox before I met him, and I never stopped.

 

Ricki Lake  13:33

So, okay, so where were you doing Botox, and what? And how did you even know about it? Like, in my 40s, I didn’t, I don’t even think I was aware, you know, kind of like I was late to the extensions game, like I wasn’t it wasn’t on my radar.

 

Rachel Harris  13:45

No, I did it because I had friends that had done it. I was referred to Dr Rhonda Rand, who’s still my dermatologist now, 16 years later, and she’s very conservative, but now it’s more about skincare, like doing taking off like any kind of moles or or just like keeping my face healthy. But she’s always said to me, Rachel, we can you don’t ever need a facelift. We can always do things to preserve that. But I have many friends, people that I know that have had facelifts every other day I want to get an upper and a lower bleph.

 

Ricki Lake  14:23

What’s that? What’s a bleph?

 

Rachel Harris  14:26

An upper bleph is where it takes out the skin from your eye. You like that? That saggy skin here.

 

Ricki Lake  14:32

Okay. It’s like, that’s called a bleph. How do you spell it?

 

Rachel Harris  14:35

B, L E, P, H.

 

Ricki Lake  14:37

Oh, okay.

 

Rachel Harris  14:39

Bleph, yeah. B, L, E, P, H, and then there’s a lower one, because a lot of times it looks like you have dark circles under your eyes, but really what my dermatologist said? She said, No, that’s just fat pads. She’s like, as you age, you get these fat pads under your eyes, and there’s really nothing you can do. There’s no, there’s no Botox, there’s no cream, nothing that’s going to take that away for you.

 

Ricki Lake  15:00

Yeah, now, as far as Botox, did you ever worry that that was going to affect your acting, like not being able to express fully expressed?

 

Rachel Harris  15:06

Yeah, I did. So my dermatologist, who, who also works with a lot of other actresses that look great to me, that don’t, don’t look like they’ve had a lot of work done, right? But that look fresh, I guess I could say she’s very conservative, so that I can do all of that. See, like my eyebrows move, and you can see me frown. But I mean, Nora Ephron wrote an entire booklet that was called, I hate my neck, like the neck for women, is really it’s like, it feels like that. But for me, my hands. Look at my hands. Ricki, those are the things it’s like, if you look at my face, and you look at my hands, and it’s expensive to like, turn back this, you know, the seeds of time to like, use lasers and take all that off my hands and pump the filler into them. Like, it’s like, what?

 

Ricki Lake  15:55

Wait, are you pumping filler in your hands?

 

Rachel Harris  15:58

No, do I look like I’m pumping filler into my hands. It looks like death’s door is knocking.

 

Ricki Lake  16:05

No, it does not. No, it does not. No one can see you at home, and you look amazing, by the way. Let’s take a quick break, and then we’ll be right back with more. With Rachel Harris.

 

Ricki Lake  16:25

What impact has working on screen had on your relationship to aging and your changing body?

 

Rachel Harris  16:31

Oh, everything. I think that if I never saw myself on camera, I probably would be fine with how I looked. I mean, because before I was really doing a lot of work on camera, I was a good 15,20, pounds heavier, and I had a boyfriend, and I just was fun and happy, but, but then, as I was looking at what I was eating, I worked with one trainer, and I got in really great shape when I was 40. See, this is interesting.

 

Ricki Lake  17:01

Yeah, wait, was it a conscious decision to get your ass in shape? Was there, like, a yes, was it? Was it turning 40? Was that the impetus?

 

Rachel Harris  17:09

I think, I don’t remember. I think I just knew I wanted to look different. And I had been taking these classes, but the woman who ended up becoming my trainer, and she’s like, you know, if we did this, this, and this, you would lean out.

 

Ricki Lake  17:22

And what were those things? Was it weight training?

 

Rachel Harris  17:24

It was it was cutting out sugar, it was doing a meal preparation where it was more protein, vegetables, and weight training.

 

Ricki Lake  17:35

And consistency.

 

Rachel Harris  17:36

And consistency. And there’s one thing that’s great is that I’m very disciplined, and my two my brain, we are very disciplined. My brain does not function well unless I move every day in some way, like, even if it’s cognizantly for 20 minutes dancing, which I really don’t do that. But I’m just saying, like, I’ve been trapped before in places where I couldn’t get to a gym or whatever, and I was like, Okay, let’s just do this, like in a hotel room, and just to shake it out brain wise, because I, if I don’t breathe, my brain goes into a lot of anxiety.

 

Ricki Lake  18:11

So how do you find time to do that and make that commitment when you have these little boys that you are taking care of?

 

Rachel Harris  18:17

I it’s really, it is a very concerted effort. I make sure it’s I felt guilty about it when I first had my kids, and then I had to go talk about it with my sponsor. I’m an [….] and I have a sponsor that’s been with me for years, and therapy too, at times where I’ve, like, had to make it a priority, like, as long as I put, you know, it’s that old adage, I put my gas mask on first first, and then I can be a better mom. So it felt really guilty and a lot of shame about it, like, oh, I should be spending all my mornings with my children.

 

Ricki Lake  18:54

Can I share something with you that you really helped me on, yeah? Like, speaking of […] of course, I don’t know if you remember this, but this was okay, post us making this movie, I was, I was getting a lot of attention from men that I hadn’t been used to getting this kind of attention. And this was this one particular person that was very, very famous actor that took a liking to me, and I was so enamored at the thought of, like, you know, being intimate with this person. And I so I’d met him, and we’d gone out like, one or two times, and like, I think it was the third time he wanted me to come back to his house, and I called you I was following him home, and I was, like, my head was racing again. I was not someone who was, like, super promiscuous back then, yeah, that that happened a little bit later, or, like, you know, around that time. But you I called you, and I was like, help me on this, you know, like, what? What am I doing? And you said, focus on how you want to feel about yourself tomorrow morning. Just and you said it like a mantra. You said, just focus on how you want to feel about yourself. Self tomorrow. And so I went to his house, and I did, like, fool around with him, but I, like, I told him when I when I was like, I’m not gonna have sex with you, we can have fun. We can and so, you know, it was a little dicey, but I stuck to my guns, and I followed your advice, and I thank you for that, because that was real. That was […] right? Is that a thing?

 

Rachel Harris  20:21

It was, yeah. That would have been […], but it was also like, you know, just don’t think about him. Focus on yourself and what you want. And sometimes we do that, and we do it the best we can, and we still don’t get the outcome that we want. Like, this is great that you actually did feel good next morning. I think you drove home that night, right?

 

Ricki Lake  20:47

I did, oh yeah, I left, I’ve never seen him again. I’ve never spoken to him again. I’ve never seen him again. It really was empowering to put the focus on me. And I was, like, completely, like, tickled that this guy, this movie star that I had, like, been had a crush on when I was a teenager, you know, was taking a liking to me, you know, yeah, and these were new, yeah, it was really, it was really, because it was new. Like, I was never the object of desire for men. Like I was not that girl, and I became that girl as a 38 year old woman, or whatever. However, I wasn’t even 40 then, but you were so wise, like you had this like wisdom and this loving. You just really, really helped me. And that’s just one example. There’s so many others, but I just love you, and I love the work you’ve done on yourself that has really rippled to me and to so many of your other friends.

 

Rachel Harris  21:38

Lady, it’s, it’s a challenge, you know, and dating right now is like you’re in a relationship now, like, Wait, everything flips for us all the time, like you’re in a relationship room, and then I’m single or whatever. But that it is challenging right now to be 56 and single, and it’s like, I think of my old self saying that to you, and it’s like that applies to me today, you know, like, how do I want to feel about myself and how I present myself in any relationship? This is the thing I just read this the other day or yesterday, and it was like someone is willing to split the ocean to be near you. Why would you settle for anything less?

 

Ricki Lake  22:29

Well, it gives me chills.

 

Rachel Harris  22:31

It gave me chills too, because I think I have this thing in my head about being 56 Yeah, and with two little children that I am unlovable, that who’s gonna want this? I’m just being really honest, and who’s gonna say she’s 56 has two little kids. It’s kind of like two different worlds. You know what I mean? Like the 50 somethings are ready to, like, go into retirement and like excitement and run around right see the world, and yet I have my two little boys, and the people that would be interested in helping me with that, that are interested in raising boys, I’m sort of, I’m just saying, I’m just really free flowing with it. But are much younger.

 

Ricki Lake  23:26

I went out with that guy, the trainer, was three years younger than me. That’s the most younger. Like, I’ve never. I have friends that have go, like, 15 years younger than them. You know, that’s what they’re into. I’ve never, I yeah, and Ross is, like, a year and a half older than me.

 

Rachel Harris  23:39

I love Russ so much. I love him alone.

 

Ricki Lake  23:42

He’s just and he let him be like, like, there are men out there, like him, there are. And you are so lovable, and so like, you’re so special, you should not settle that guy is out there for you. And I hope you’re putting yourself out there. I mean, how does it work with like you’re a public figure? Is it weird? Is it you’ve been a public figure for a really long time? Yeah. Is it hard to meet people? Is it hard to navigate, like, dating? When they know you so well, or they think they know you?

 

Rachel Harris  24:10

Yeah, I think that’s it too, that they think they know you. But at the same time, I think I had just text this to somebody the other day. I’m like, you go online, you know everything about me. I’ve given interviews, I’ve talked about my you know, my family, my kids, but you know, you know my age, you pretty much could probably find my address. I hope not, but, then I go online to see someone, and I don’t know anything about them. And so it’s kind of this thing where you want to meet somebody that knows what it feels like to be a public figure. You know, it’s, it feels better because you don’t have to. I think we don’t want to be with anyone that’s enamored by celebrity.

 

Ricki Lake  24:52

No, but I think there’s, there’s a there’s a fine line. You can definitely meet someone who isn’t a public figure themselves, but can, you know, not be completely flipped out. I mean, Ross, can you imagine? Like, Ross, yeah, Ross. I mean, Ross, the thing about he and I, we met and fell in love during a pandemic. So we were never like, I mean, yes, he knew I had a show, and he knew, like, you know, bits and pieces. But it was like, literally, we were married, and it was like, like, almost the end of the pandemic when we were invited to go see Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle did a private show, like in this hotel thing, when we were invited to it, and it’s like, you can’t everyone, Tiffany Haddish, this one, this, and they’re all coming up to me, it was like, the first time that Ross had seen my celebrity, you know, and we’d been together for like, almost two years at that point. It was like, Oh, yeah. Like, it was that reminder, you know, he does not give a shit about that part of my life, like you know, because.

 

Rachel Harris  25:41

He loves you, he got to know you as a person.

 

Ricki Lake  25:46

We need to take a quick break, and then we’ll continue the gab fest with Rachel.

 

Ricki Lake  26:00

Can we talk about surrogacy? Because I know you’ve been very open about how you had your kids, and what was that process like? I have really good friends that just came over the a gay couple that just came over, and they are men, and they are just starting this journey. Was it hell for you?

 

Rachel Harris  26:15

No, what was amazing about surrogacy was my ex husband, Christian, I tried to get pregnant. I got pregnant a couple of times. Miscarried super duper early on. It was just, like, a heavy period. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was, you know, and also I was kind of like, yeah, I don’t think it’s gonna happen for me, because I’m so I’m getting on in age. And also I had other things, like 12 fibroids, remember?

 

Ricki Lake  26:41

Yeah, I do remember that. As you’re saying it, I’m like, I remember you having that.

 

Rachel Harris  26:45

Golf ball size. Uh, fibroids. So I’m laughing just because, uh, friends of mine sent me 12 golf balls like in a bouquet of flowers when I had fibroid surgery.

 

Ricki Lake  26:56

No, they do not.

 

Rachel Harris  26:57

Good luck on your surgery, and it was all golf balls in a bouquet.

 

Ricki Lake  27:01

All right, okay, explain what Fibroids are, for people who don’t know.

 

Rachel Harris  27:05

Okay, fibroids are like cysts in your uterus. They can cause Haiti bleeding. They can make it very difficult to get pregnant because they are along the lining of your uterus.

 

Ricki Lake  27:16

And they are super common. It is very, very common.

 

Rachel Harris  27:18

Very common, and they’re not cancerous or anything like that. They’re just kind of annoying. So we found that out I had a 50% chance of miscarrying, and I would have to be in bed rest for at least six months, is what my doctors had said to me. So we were like, okay, so I’m my […]

 

Ricki Lake  27:34

And what age were you at this time when you were trying? I

 

Rachel Harris  27:37

Was probably 46, which is late. That’s like, you know, very late.

 

Ricki Lake  27:42

It’s not impossible, but it is rare.

 

Rachel Harris  27:44

It’s really rare. Like, because I had a doctor that was like, I can get you pregnant. This is what it’s going to take. So we knew that was the deal. So then we tried to get embryos made. We got my eggs, we fertilized them with my husband’s sperm. We tried to get them to grow. They didn’t make it past the blastocyst. And then we realized, okay, if we want to have kids and we want to do this, and I’m so glad we did, and it’s a happy story. It ends, well, we need to get an egg donor and we need to get a surrogate. So first, we made our our embryos with our egg donor.

 

Ricki Lake  28:23

Same egg donor for both kids.

 

Rachel Harris  28:24

Yes, the same egg donor for both kids. And then Christian’s sperm. And so we made these embryos. They took. It was great.

 

Ricki Lake  28:32

Just two. You had two embryos that took, or did you have more?

 

Rachel Harris  28:36

We had, I think we had four, but what’s bizarre to know now is that Henry and Otto were made on the same day and born two years apart. Isn’t that crazy?

 

Ricki Lake  28:48

Crazy, two different surrogates, yes?

 

Rachel Harris  28:50

Two different surrogates, yes.

 

Ricki Lake  28:52

And do you stay close with them? Is it one of those things where you have a relationship with them?

 

Rachel Harris  28:56

We keep in touch with the first surrogate who carried Henry, and we would keep in touch with the second one too. It’s not like, but you, you make a decision, and it’s all legal. You know, you have tons of legal documents that clearly states, I’m the mother, which it’s so weird for me to say, of course, I’m the mother, of course, you’re like, That’s so weird to even say like, I’m like, I’m the mom, but I’m like, I’m not the mom, but I’m the mom like.

 

29:25

Well, you look like the mom. They look just like you. They look more like you than they do your ex husband well.

 

Rachel Harris  29:31

And a really fun story is that a couple of months before we were going to start doing making the embryos, my ex husband said, I think I’m going to be weirded out if the kids don’t look like me, and they don’t look like you, because we had had a different egg donor that was amazing. And he said, can we find one that looks like you? And I think I showed you the picture, because what they had said was, find an egg donor for anybody that’s doing this. Go back and get all your pictures from when you were a kid and all. Of your siblings, and get the egg donors pictures when they were kids, and find an egg donor that looks like your family when you guys were all little kids.

 

Ricki Lake  30:08

So do they look like Jack Harris?

 

Rachel Harris  30:09

They look like Jack Harris, and they look like she looks she looked like me. She looked like Jack I mean, like, they’re just like to a T. I was like, that people looked at the picture of this little girl, and they were like, well, that’s you. I’m like, It’s not me.

 

Ricki Lake  30:22

Wow.

 

Rachel Harris  30:23

And she was, like, the same height. It was really wild. And so now Otto and Henry look like me, and now because of our mannerisms, oh, people are like, Oh, that’s your coot. And I’m like, it’s, it’s not but I do feel weird sometimes when people say your children are so beautiful. And I’m like, aren’t they? And then, but part of me is like, well, this, it’s none of my DNA, so I can say thatut.

 

Ricki Lake  30:48

Do you clarify?

 

Rachel Harris  30:51

I do sometimes, but I just say thank you now, but before, I’d be like, I know they look amazing. And then I’m like, that sounds so arrogant.

 

Ricki Lake  30:59

Now, let me ask you something, what is motherhood in later life like? Are you exhausted all the time? Because yes, the idea of it just like it.

 

Rachel Harris  31:07

Listen, I can’t imagine if I had full custody with them. I don’t know how I would do it, because Henry and Otto, two boys. Super active. Henry has is autism spectrum disorder level one, and ADHD amazing kid. Otto is just amazing. He’s jazz hands all the time. He’s just like jazz hands. And he likes to pretend that he’s Mikey day on is it cake? And then he likes to perform everything from Moana to Encanto. He has never met an animal that he didn’t fall in love with.

 

Ricki Lake  31:47

He wants to be a farmer. It’s exhausting.

 

Rachel Harris  31:50

And they were constantly moving, and I had a nanny, and it was almost like I had to have two nannies for them, because they’re just moving all the time. The best thing I did was invested in buying a house with a pool.

 

Ricki Lake  32:02

Oh, yeah.

 

Rachel Harris  32:03

And I throw them in that pool, and it’s just like, they’re like dogs that running out, and I’m the same way. Yeah. So it’s kind of amazing, like, I have to run, I have to get my I have to get my run on. So I’m exhausted. It’s not just the sleep. It’s not just that I have two little boys. It’s also that I am in menopause, and so my sleep is disrupted by hot flashes.

 

Ricki Lake  32:23

When did that happen? Because, you know, I still get my period.

 

Rachel Harris  32:25

For me 50.

 

Ricki Lake  32:27

The medium age is 51 for menopause. So I am on the later side of it, but it’s not really out of the norm, norm, but I is the first month I missed my period. This is this month. It’s like, you’re not pregnant.

 

Rachel Harris  32:40

I am definitely that would just be, like, breaking news. You would be on the front page of, I mean, like, daily news would fucking go to town with you.

 

Ricki Lake  32:47

Ross, who had four children with his ex wife, had a defectomy, so he did not to worry.

 

Rachel Harris  32:53

They can also, like, pink through sometimes too, you know, like they can just, like they just get through. And also, tongue, I would sounds to me like he’s potent. You know what? I mean? Like his sperm is probably pretty potent.

 

Ricki Lake  33:06

Yeah, but okay, but I was just gonna say, back to your menopause. Back to you so, menopause. Okay, what do I have to look forward to when I’m in it?

 

Rachel Harris  33:14

Okay, so menopause, for me, it started with the hot flashes, waking up in the middle of the night, just like, bed sweats, okay? Like, like, sopping.

 

33:22

For a long period of time, for months, or was it short lived?

 

Rachel Harris  33:26

Honey, I have had night sweats for six years.

 

Ricki Lake  33:33

Could that she just went.

 

Rachel Harris  33:34

Yeah, I just thought she was gonna pass out. No, no, I didn’t get them all the time. But it’s like, back when I was eating a lot more sugar, You, I mean, you’re just like an inferno. The thing about me is, I don’t get hot flashes during the day, but I do get them at night, and I don’t know why, but it’s real fun when you’re dating somebody and they’re just like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I’m like.

 

Ricki Lake  34:00

Start stripping.

 

Rachel Harris  34:02

And like, well, it’s hormonal. Like, I can’t even say the last person that I was with for a while, for a long time, I could never say menopause. I couldn’t say menopause to him. I would just say.

 

Ricki Lake  34:12

Sounded like a big turnoff.

 

Rachel Harris  34:13

It sounded like I would just say, uh, it’s hormonal.

 

Ricki Lake  34:18

I have to admit, that does sound better.

 

Rachel Harris  34:20

But it’s hormonal. Yeah, it’s hormonal. It happens and but it was just like, it was like, what happened? It’s like, literally a pool. And I’m like, yeah, it’s super hot. It’s part of my charm. But I started on HRT hormone replacement therapy, which gradually I could take, I don’t have any breast cancer or uterine cancer in my family, and so I take progesterone and estrogen, but I do a gel, like.

 

Ricki Lake  34:50

You do a patch, like, like on your arm or something, and you do that.

 

Rachel Harris  34:53

Well, no, it’s like, it’s just like, a gel that I put on my arm once a day, and I don’t even really think about. But one time I thought I was supposed to go up, and then I was insane, and I got all this crazy breast tenderness, wow, because there was too much estrogen in my body. And I was like, what’s happening?

 

Ricki Lake  35:10

It’s fascinating, our hormones are such a mystery. And I think, you know, what’s great is, like, being of age now, I do feel like menopause is in the zeitgeist. You know, they’re, there’s so many experts and so much, like, like, all these, like, women of our age are coming out and talking about it.

 

Rachel Harris  35:24

Yeah, and also, I know it was perimenopausal in my 40s, late 40s, really, because I was starting to skip periods then, and then I was trying to, like, get pregnant, all that stuff I did IVF.

 

Ricki Lake  35:36

yeah, you did all those hormones in your body, right, to do the IVF, yeah, that’s, that’s a whole other, that’s a whole other controversial thing that I’m like, I’m not so sure I would do that now, had I known.

 

Rachel Harris  35:47

But you just don’t know. That’s the thing. You go and know, I could talk to you. We could talk for three more hours.

 

Ricki Lake  35:52

II know. And we have to do that in person.

 

Rachel Harris  35:55

Well, now we’re, we’re so much closer nowow.

 

Ricki Lake  35:56

We are.

 

Rachel Harris  35:57

And I can see Topanga Canyon got fixed, so now it’s going to be a lot easier for us.

 

Ricki Lake  36:01

Yay, I love you, I love you.

 

Rachel Harris  36:03

I love you so much goodbye.

 

 

Ricki Lake 36:08

Isn’t it amazing to have a friend like Rachel in your life, someone who’s known your ins and outs for decades and just gets you. I loved her philosophy around Botox. She said, If it makes you feel good and you have the means in time do it, I’ve certainly done Botox, and I’m again, I’m all about all the options and everyone having the information to make the best choice that’s best for their bodies. You can catch Rachel in the Goosebumps remake on Disney, plus, as well as the new film mother of the bride on Netflix, and I’m sure she has so much more up her sleeve. Thank you so much for joining us. There is much more of The High Life with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like rapid fire sex questions with one of our past guests, sex therapist and my friend, Emily Morse. Subscribe now in Apple podcasts.

 

CREDITS

The High Life is a production of Lemonada Media. Isabella Kulkarni and Kathryn Barnes produced our show. Our mixes by James Sparber. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs, and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Additional Lemonada  support from Rachel Neel, and Steve Nelson. You can find me @Rickilake on Instagram. Follow The High Life with Ricki Lake, wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.