I’m Sorry Enters the Multiverse
Kiki, Hoja, and Mohanad react to the epic comedy/drama/action/sci-fi/fantasy/martial arts movie Everything Everywhere All at Once. They break down the family dynamics in the film, get into their own relationships with their parents, and hypothesize about what they’d be like in an alternate universe. Kiki also teaches her co-hosts some Mormon slang, Mohanad explains why he could never be a spy (or a serial killer), and Hoja reveals one of the biggest lies she’s ever told. Plus, our first-ever listener apology on this week’s Sorry Not Sorry!
Please note, I’m Sorry contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
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Mohanad Elshieky, Kiki Monique, Hoja Lopez
Hoja Lopez 00:00
Hi everyone. Before we dive into today’s episode, I want to tell you about another Lemonada podcast I think you’re gonna love. It’s called Burnout. And Burnout is a new four-part series hosted by YouTube sensation and mental health advocate Connor Franta. What do people mean when they say they’re burned out? You hear about burnout from your friends and you felt it in your gut. There are books about it and breaking news headlines. But what exactly is this phenomenon that’s making us miserable and wrecking our health? Burnout has recently become the internet’s favorite buzzword and diagnosis for why we hit our jobs. But it has a long, complex history that’s rooted in our culture and systems. Let’s talk about the who, the what, where, when, and why of burnout and how we as a culture can work to combat it. Search for burnout wherever you get your podcasts and make sure you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.
Kiki Monique 00:58
I’m Kiki Monique. And this is I’M SORRY, your weekly dose of pop culture, celebrity missteps and public apologies. And this week, I had to call a lot of customer service numbers and easily spent four to six hours on hold.
Mohanad Elshieky 01:12
I’m Mohanad Elshieky, and I’ll say that I’m very glad I do not work in customer service anymore. So that’s great.
Hoja Lopez 01:19
And my name is Hoja Lopez and this week, I am soaking left and right. I am in water fully. Just drenched, soaked. Wet up and down, rock through and I’m just so happy. I’m in a pool. I hope that that was clear.
Mohanad Elshieky 01:37
I thought you were drowning at first. Yeah, I thought you needed help.
Kiki Monique 01:41
I cannot hear the word soaking and think the same ever since I’ve gotten really into learning about Mormon culture from like, just TikTok and stuff. Like there was that like LuLaRoe documentary and it was like TikTok’s and people’s talked about how in warming colleges there was this thing called soaking? Have you heard of it? It’s basically apparently it’s a way that they maintain their virtue by the member going into the lady parts and just sitting there. They call it soaking. And by not having like forward and backward motions. They remain virtuous is my understanding.
Mohanad Elshieky 02:28
One thing I’m sure the founder of Mormonism that never thought in his life would hear. I have learned so much about Mormonism from TikTok. Yeah, I don’t think that was but also that soaking thing is just like one of those things where like people like start, like inventing like loopholes in their own like religion, and they’re just like, just do the thing. Who do you think you’re tricking? Like, blond-haired, green-eyed Mormon, Jesus is not buying this. He’s looking at this and he’s like, just fuck, what is this?
Hoja Lopez 03:02
Just do it.
Mohanad Elshieky 03:03
Let’s go for it.
Hoja Lopez 03:05
Yeah, or you could try lesbianism which many people say is not sex. I don’t know. You have many options. So I just started watching under the banner of heaven. It’s Andrew Garfield, new TV show. Have you all seen this and it is my first foray into Mormonism. I don’t think I knew very much about it.
Kiki Monique 03:24
well, it’s like yeah, part of it’s like the sub sect the LDS right, which is like a spectacular sect and like, just the fact that it was based on a true story. I was all into it. But I’ll admit like, it’s a little slow for me and I love me some true crime. I was having trouble.
Hoja Lopez 03:41
I’m just fascinated by Andrew Garfield’s guess what American accent. I was very much channeling Muhammad’s accent, let’s call it a fetish. And I was just very delighted and surprised as hear him do his accent in an American although I guess that’s 90% of his movies, really?
Mohanad Elshieky 04:00
I’ll say this. You know, just talking about accents. Okay. I think I think British people do a good American accent. When Americans tried to do a British accent is always a catastrophe. It’s always the worst thing you’d ever hear in your life. It’s all like, oh, […] kind of thing. And I think you know; I think it’s not a two-way street. It’s a one-way street. I think British people should do American accent. But with one condition is that they told me they’re British first. I don’t like to be tricked.
Kiki Monique 04:33
Well, I will say that in the under the banner show. I think a lot of them are Australian or British because you could every once in a while they slip up and they a lot of them are fighting, fighting that accent.
Hoja Lopez 04:45
Has anybody ever because I kind of have an accent when I get drunk and when I get tired. And then I do say y’all a lot because I did live in Texas for 10 years.
Kiki Monique 04:54
No, I mean every time I will say I will agree with Mohanad that Americans and They’re British, because when I start trying to speak British, it like start sounding than Jamaican, like, I don’t know where the turn how it just all goes, it goes really wrong. I don’t know what happens.
Hoja Lopez 05:11
I really desperately want to hear a little bit of it.
Kiki Monique 05:16
Like, because no, now that I’m on the spot, it’s gonna be like, wait. I don’t like it’s like, oh, I governor, I don’t, […]. And also why is it that old timey? I don’t know, immediately I go old timey too, I don’t know why.
Mohanad Elshieky 05:33
I’ll say this. I feel like years ago, I used to have like a bit of like a British accent. And people thought I like you know, that’s where I grew up or something. But because mostly when I learned English when it was young, most of my teachers were from the UK. But then I’ve lived here for eight years. So that’s kind of like, you know, you start to change and now I’m just like, I just have a mixture of whatever this is. Yeah, and it’s so funny, because sometimes like I, you know, I get asked to, like, you know, audition for like stuff. And they’re like, obviously, you know, they’re very specific to why they asked me to audition. And then they’re like, okay, the character has an accent. And then they started talking, like, like they do now. And they’re like, not convincing. No, you should have like, what an immigrant would sound like, I’m like, but I am one and they’re like, but you know what we mean? I’m like, No, I actually do not. I have no idea what you mean. But it sounds a bit racist.
Kiki Monique 06:32
Are you watching selling sunset, the newest season?
Mohanad Elshieky 06:35
I have not started it yet.
Kiki Monique 06:39
When you start just there is a new black chick. She says she’s from London. And I’m sorry, like, I’m just not buying it. Like I’m convinced that she has come onto this reality show and decided to create a persona. And I’m just waiting for someone to call her out one day because I have never heard a British accent like this in my entire life ever.
Mohanad Elshieky 07:02
You know what I’ll say this. I feel like so many Americans would travel on like these, like, study abroad programs, and stay there for like five months and decided that that is their whole personality. And they’re going to speak in that accent.
Hoja Lopez 07:18
I went to Paris for two weeks, eight years ago, and I can’t stop bragging about it.
Mohanad Elshieky 07:23
You people talk in that accent people will do it and be like, this is my whole thing now, especially if you go to the UK and they’re like, yeah, I’m just going to talk in a UK accent and yes, that’s like Hilaria Baldwin, or I don’t know how she likes to pronounce her name. Yeah, I am fully from Spain. You’ve been to Spain, that’s different.
Hoja Lopez 07:48
Kiki Monique 07:49
Do you think now that Hilaria has been called out? You know, she has named all of her kids like very Spanish names up to that point. And now she’s pregnant again. Now that she’s been called out. Do you think the new kid is gonna get a Spanish name?
Hoja Lopez 08:03
Yeah, definitely. Absolutely. Well, part of that is her doubling down. Yeah. Not once, but she’s like, you caught me.
Mohanad Elshieky 08:13
She does not consider herself to be called out. She’s just like, you just like hateful monsters trying to take her culture away that she adapted to, and she’s not doubling down. She’s bracing her heritage, which is different.
Hoja Lopez 08:30
You know, I always like, did y’all ever tell any big lies when y’all were growing up? Like, I’m just watching that show. I love that for you to the one with Molly Shannon. And essentially the kind of whole thing of it is just telling like a big lie about yourself. And so this woman essentially lies about having cancer. Like, did you guys ever tell a lie that just like lasted a really long time? […] We’re well-adjusted adults.
Mohanad Elshieky 09:04
Now I’ll say this, I’ll say, you know what, I am not saying this. Hey, I don’t like is I am morally superior, or I think is strong. I just, like even if I tell the smallest lie, even like very harmless, I’m always in fear of getting caught. And my whole life will just like revolve around this thing. It just like, like my life just like unravels in front of me. Even though even if I was lying. It means nothing.
Hoja Lopez 09:36
Yeah, you tell your siblings that you were their dad. That is a real lie. Right?
Mohanad Elshieky 09:39
But that’s different though. Because I’m like, I don’t care. You know, like, it’s not like I do not care. It’s just like, it’s also it’s like a lie has been told to achieve me some peace. And I did because I’m like, 11 years older than my younger siblings and their twins. And you know, even though 11 years are not that much, but like when you’re 21, they are 10. That seems like a big difference. You know, they look at you and they’re like, this man is very old. So when I tell them that I am actually their dad, and we’re living with their grandparents, they would believe it. They would run with it.
Hoja Lopez 10:21
Yeah, I get you. I think I just I think my big lie is were mainly as I was a teenager, I lied about my age a lot. When I was a teenager, I was out there getting into a lot of trouble telling, like I was 15 and 16 years old, being like, I’m 22. I could do whatever I want. And then I’d end up in some spicy, saucy situations, and I definitely was not supposed to be in.
Kiki Monique 10:46
Well, that’s like, I feel like that’s well, I don’t know. I mean, I think it’s pretty normal. I definitely had a fake ID for 21 when I was 14.
Hoja Lopez 10:55
In Venezuela, you could just kind of drink whenever we have, like, a strong age and aging system in Venezuela was more like if you’re had the money in your head came over the counter, they would just sell you liquor, it was a pretty big free for all.
Mohanad Elshieky 11:12
You know, so funny, you know, speaking of lies, though, has any of you watch the show, the Americans? For those who don’t know, is, you know, it’s about this family, like this couple from the Soviet Union, they moved to the US has very young people, they get married, and they have like, kids, and they’re like, you know, normal American family back in the like, the show takes place in the 70s and 80s. Before the collapse of the Soviet Union, and they work as spies, and watching it, I’m just like, I could never be a spy. Why? Because first of all, you need to tell me I pull all of these tricks on like these missions and like, accomplish so much. And no one gets to know. I can’t tell any. Like, I would like literally just like pull, like the biggest stunt ever. And then I just go home and like no one knows about it. Absolutely fucking not. That is the same reason I could never be a serial killer. Like, you know? Yeah, like, imagine, like, you go on, like 20 or 30 years without like, getting caught or whatever. And then you’re just like, sitting there. And you’re just like, everyone was talking about how I’m a fucking genius. And I cannot tell them it’s me because that will just ruin everything.
Hoja Lopez 12:40
I bet that that’s how real serial killers feel. That’s why they just give themselves up.
Mohanad Elshieky 12:46
Exactly. That’s why like, eventually, like a lot of like, cause like, you know, it’s not because the police is so smart that he called them like these guys, like, eventually, they just want to be caught. They’re just like, I want the world to know that I am the mastermind behind this.
Kiki Monique 13:00
Like, so just like, you know, the end of those like crime movies, where it’s like they’re about to kill the person that’s going to take them out. But they have to, like, explain their whole dastardly plan in detail. That’s who serial killers are. They can’t get to the end of life. They have to, like at some point get caught. Just they can write a memoir and let the whole world know.
Hoja Lopez 13:23
Yeah, I do think that celebrities are kind of like serial killers in that way too. Because like, they’re kind of like living hidden lives in a lot of ways. They’re like, they have this like outward persona, aka the not murderous part. But then inside they have these like weird secret lives where they’re doing fucked up shit to each other, aka being a cannibal or like stuff like that. But they’re not necessarily allowed to bring it out because it then it’ll ruin all the chances that they have to be at movies. And there’s gotta be something like pathologically wrong, and something really damaging to the psyche to have to be like these two different people one in public and kind of one in private.
Kiki Monique 14:05
Well, that’s why I’m like so shocked to hear all of these like allegations now against Fred Savage. I mean, Fred Savage was like, hello, the kid from Wonder Years. And now it’s like he got fired from the new wonder year’s reboot where I guess he was executive producer. And now other allegations from his time on the original wonder years are coming out. And then apparently, there was something from some show called the grinder or something like that, that he was on where he settled some suit there. So I’m like, wait, is Fred Savage, a savage?
Hoja Lopez 14:49
I was about to make a joke about the grinder being like, Fred Savage and another man just meeting in the thrills of night for sweet gay love. I hope that that’s what that show was about, but it’s probably odd. It’s probably not. I was so surprised to and his face like he doesn’t have like a serial killer, or like bad guy face and those are the hardest one. He looks like a very sweet nice man.
Kiki Monique 15:16
Yeah, looks like a kid, he still looks like a little Freddie savage.
Mohanad Elshieky 15:19
I just I just think and I said that yesterday when we were texting I just think that if you were like a child actor, like you grew up in that, like in the entertainment world, you’re fucked up in the head. There is no way you’re not because your whole world like view is just, he’s just weird. And that guy has been famous for like, when?
Hoja Lopez 15:45
I can’t. I mean, did he? Was he a part of like an earlier was that on Disney or what show?
Kiki Monique 15:51
Wonder Years was like on primetime like ABC like it came on like, eight o’clock at night. You sat down with your family. You all watched it together. It was wholesome family fun.
Hoja Lopez 16:02
You know what I’m confusing him with Boy Meets World.
Kiki Monique 16:05
That’s his brother. So the whole family it’s another Caulkin situation. They’re savages. There’s Caulkin’s.
Hoja Lopez 16:17
Um, I definitely, like wanted to be a child star because I’ve wanted desperate amounts of attention since I was, you know, four or five years old. But I do think that I’m grateful that maybe that wasn’t the chance that happened. Also, how do these children convince their parents to move one city to another? Like when they’re very young.
Kiki Monique 16:38
I don’t think it takes convincing those parents are living vicariously through their children. They want to do that.
Mohanad Elshieky 16:44
Yeah, most of them are making their children do this and you just like, I’m just like, they don’t want to get a they don’t want to get real jobs. Just like they are like, kids managers, basically. Not parents. And you know, that’s their whole life. Like, I mean, who’s Justin Bieber’s Mom, if she’s not, you know, his manager since he was 10, or something?
Hoja Lopez 17:06
My mom would be the worst in those environments. She would just say no to like crazy deals. And she’d be like, no, my mom is I don’t know how else to describe her. But like, once she gets something in her head, that’s it. She’s like a King Richard of Hispanic moms. She’s like, she’s so single minded, in like, how she wants to deal with things. I can just imagine her being such a nuisance to producers and probably good, probably in a good way.
Mohanad Elshieky 17:56
Well, speaking of moms who want to force you to do things, you guys watched everything everywhere. All at once.
Kiki Monique 18:07
Yes, I finally got to see it yesterday. I am like,
Mohanad Elshieky 18:10
Lucky. Okay, so before we get into it, just if you haven’t watched the movie, first of all, why? Why haven’t you watched it yet? We’re going to talk about it. I mean, there are going to be spoilers. Even though I’ll say this, I do not know how to spoil this movie. Exactly. It’s literally everything everywhere, all at once. Like literally everything happens. So if that’s a spoiler, I don’t know. It’s everything happens.
Kiki Monique 18:36
If you were able to take your dream, and like, put it on paper and have it make sense? Because in your dreams, right, things seem to make so much sense. They seem so cool. But when you wake up, you’re like, that’s garbage. No, I feel like we were able to take this dream. Make it a reality, but It’s unexplainable. So yeah, I don’t think there is a way to spoil this movie, really.
Mohanad Elshieky 18:57
100%. I mean, it’s a fantastic movie that I have watched three times.
Hoja Lopez 19:04
Oh, wow. I’ve watched it twice now I will watch it again. I will be up to par.
Kiki Monique 19:10
Well, the people it was their second time and like they want to see it again too. And so it’s because it is one of those movies a that you want to see multiple times because you’re just catching things that you just didn’t catch the first time. And also, I think as I watch it later, because I’m gonna watch it multiple years from now. It will change what I’m tuned into. Because like what I was really clued into, like in this go around. I feel like if I watched it a year ago would have been way different what I’ve been included into which I thought was also interesting.
Mohanad Elshieky 19:41
Yeah, and honestly, like, I mean, outside of everything everywhere all at once. Most of the cast in the movie is Asian. I mean, it’s about this Asian immigrant mom and her and her daughter who’s born in the US and her husband and their lives and I mean like the movie so much happens in the movie, but it’s At the end of the day it’s about this mom’s relationship with her daughter that’s literally what it is and how it progresses and everything but it’s just fucking insane like truly like that like the acting the these stories the everything is just fucking phenomenal I honestly think this should be the last movie that contains a multiverse, I feel like this is it. Yeah, like you can’t do any better.
Hoja Lopez 20:32
Have you heard about Jamie Lee Curtis who was like I follow Jamie Lee Curtis on Instagram, and Jamie Lee Curtis is going off on Dr. Strange to […] igniting what I can only describe as a multiverse movie feud, where she’s going like, fuck the competition. Everything everywhere is number one in America. We’re the best multiverse in the universe. And she’s just kind of like, going on her stories and just mad talking shit about multiverse of madness. And essentially going like there’s not even a comparison. Thank you for copying our poster. Like she is going off.
Kiki Monique 21:10
She has every right to.
Mohanad Elshieky 21:12
absolutely. I just don’t think that there is any universe in the multiverse where Dr. Strange is better than everything everywhere all at once. Do you think there are like other versions of multi universe? What do you think they’re doing right now?
Kiki Monique 21:28
Oh, okay. I mean, there’s definitely one that kept being active and didn’t start smoking. Actually, like, you know, probably like took their athletic career to a whole new heights because that was definitely a path I could have taken. There’s probably one that did follow their like childhood dream of wanting to be like an actress and see, you know, stayed in, you know, in front of the television and, you know, did all of that. Every universe though, I still think I would be child free by choice.
Hoja Lopez 22:11
That’s the commonality. I think that there’s a universe where I’m a very, very taut green grape, and I’m so juicy and cold. And I go from being grown on the vine all the way to becoming a raised and that is the scope of my life.
Kiki Monique 22:30
That’s very specific.
Hoja Lopez 22:31
Yeah, I just love grapes, you guys.
Mohanad Elshieky 22:35
I’ll say this and I hate to admit it out loud in a podcast that millions of people listen to. I hate grapes. I love grape juice.
Kiki Monique 22:49
And you’ve tried it like you’ve tried to freeze them, you’ve tried them in all forms.
Mohanad Elshieky 22:58
I’ve literally tried everything like it. I’d rather eat like raisins and eat grapes.
Hoja Lopez 23:07
What is it about them you don’t like?
Mohanad Elshieky 23:09
Here’s the thing I like grape flavored things..
Kiki Monique 23:18
Yeah, that’s why it’s so confusing.
Mohanad Elshieky 23:22
I’m sorry, I’m build different like that. Please respect my culture. It’s just something about it. Like I just don’t like that it’s solid and then you like squish it and it just like so much juice comes out and it just like pick a struggle like what is this? What who are you? And is maybe there’s a you know Mohanad in another universe, I just fucking love grapes. And I’d say that is the worst version of me.
Hoja Lopez 23:56
Truly, I have never met a person that doesn’t like grapes. I’ve never I’ve never met that I’ve never known that to be a truth because to me they’re the crown jewels of the fruit.
Mohanad Elshieky 24:08
Well, maybe that’s why I don’t like them. The crown jewel thing does not you know, I mean No comments. I’m not gonna add to that.
Hoja Lopez 24:15
You’ve never been one for monarchy.
Mohanad Elshieky 24:18
Yeah, something about crowns not into it even shows named the crown for no reason whatsoever. Not gonna go into detail about that. But speaking about everything ever, all at once, like I mean, I think I’ve talked about this a bit in the past, but I mean, my family does not do apologies. Like, my dad would literally talk for an hour before he says he just sorry. Will never admit to mistakes and my mom was the same way as well. It’s always like I’m sorry you felt this way. And it’s not even like the words I’m sorry. You just like did not know I raised you like this to be upset at me.
Kiki Monique 25:01
I actually don’t think I expect apologies from my family. Like, I think that if I mess up or if they, if we yell at each other if something happens, like we’re family and we just move on, I guess it’s what in my head and so it’s not like even though I would expect that if anyone else in my life with my family, I don’t expect apologies. It’s just not.
Mohanad Elshieky 25:28
Yeah, and I guess my thing is, like, I agree with you, and like, it’s, it’s, I guess it’s like less about apologies and more about like, even like, acknowledging that you made a mistake, or something was your fault. Or like, maybe I wish I’ve done this better or something like anything that is just like, even like, resembles that could like, I’ll give you an example. Like before I got into like, stand-up comedy writing and all of that. I went to med school for a few years. And the only reason I went to med school is because my parents insisted that this is good for me. It’s gonna go great. Way uncle’s a doctor and like they wanted me to be a doctor and convinced me that this has been my dream since I was a child. And I’m just like, I also wanted to be a cook when I was a child, and I hate cooking.
Hoja Lopez 26:17
You’re essentially like a medical child actor, and they’re your mom and your parents.
Mohanad Elshieky 26:22
Exactly. And for years, like, I spent maybe like four and a half years in med school. And every year literally every year, I’m just like, this is this sucks so much. I hate it. I want to quit. No. And I tell them like I’m like, I wasn’t doing well. Like I was doing so well back in school and everything. I was not doing well. Like grades wise and everything. It was so bad. I hated it so much. And they will just not let me quit. And then one day I just like quit my by myself. I was like, fuck it, I’m not going to do it anymore. And they got mad and everything. And then they got over it. And now that I’m like doing what, like career wise, and I’m happy what I’m doing. They will not acknowledge that me going to med school was a mistake. Wow,
Hoja Lopez 27:06
I will say my mom is a pretty good apologizer honestly, and so is my sister. And I think we do pretty well. I think it’s maybe because me and my sister are so whiny. And we talk a lot. We love to bring up things to our mom, like, you know, like, remember that time you like married a guy like you know, a month after you divorced our dad, like and so she’ll definitely she’ll be like, okay, granted, you got me there. So there’s some like, overarching, like fun things that we get to bring up that are pretty black and white in terms of, and she now we kind of laugh about some of that stuff. But I do think we apologize as a family. We also get in each other’s business a lot. And we’re constantly sort of like triangulating. So there’s plenty of stuff to apologize for here. And our little, you know, core nucleus thing.
Mohanad Elshieky 28:03
It’s so funny that you get to an age where you’re like, Well, you like first of all you’ll realize your parents are just people. Yeah, you’re just like, Oh yeah, you literally have no idea what the fuck you’re doing. And then, and then you get to a point you’re like, Oh, I think I know more than you do. Like, I feel like I should give you advice. Yeah. It shouldn’t be the other way around like you, you do not have handle on these things. And it’s so funny because like, even like when my mom was like, she still tries to do this. Sometimes we were like, You have no idea what you’re talking about. And you’re like young and like stuff like that. I’m just like, you were six years younger than I am now.
Hoja Lopez 28:39
That’s so bizarre. Those t thoughts are so bizarre to me. Yes,
Mohanad Elshieky 28:44
exactly. So you cannot tell me that I had no idea what I’m doing. Because when I remember when I was six years old, it You seem like you had a handle on things. Even though now I realize you did. You’re improvising. You’re just doing improv.
Hoja Lopez 28:57
Yeah, just improv. And that is something that I’ve talked to my parents about all the time was like, they were just kind of going through the rat race. Like they were just doing the next thing that they thought that they were supposed to do. Like no tools, no therapy. No, they were rocking life with children, as essentially teenagers immigrating, I can’t even imagine. Yeah, well, that family drama pretty quickly turns into, like a very strange, like its own little universe too. And everybody kind of has versions of it.
Mohanad Elshieky 29:30
Especially like if you’re like the oldest child where like, trial and error like I own like I was the iPhone one of kids, you know, they’re like, does not respond to touch well, but I will work on the features. We’ll work on the you know, and by you know, by the time they get to the last one, they’re like, okay, yes, we kind of nailed it.
Hoja Lopez 29:50
Optimize software. Yeah, yeah. And that’s another thing that I really love about the like, the everything everywhere all at once that it takes talks about that family drama. And then it like, humanizes the mom. And it kind of humanizes like her misery in some ways. Like, it’s almost like she the beginning of the movie, it’s, we realized that she’s sort of like choosing to be unhappy in many ways. Because at the end of the movie, all the ingredients are the same. The people are the same. Her daughter’s there, her husband’s there, the laundry mat is there, but it is something about like her choice in her approach to her own life. That I love about that. And it reminds me that I probably already have everything that I need all that bullshit, you know, trauma and family stuff included. I just came out of that movie feeling like, you can make anything not just like creatively inspired by like, the work of it. I just felt like, I just felt like it was the best movie ever. Maybe. Is it my favorite movie of all time?
Kiki Monique 30:55
Yeah. I mean, it’s definitely gonna win every single award, and I hope so like I definitely, yeah, if I had a movie, I would just be like, let me just hold off. I’ll just submit. Well, this hold off what’s admitting till next year.
Mohanad Elshieky 31:09
So funny as well. Like the ratatouille thing is so stupid.
Hoja Lopez 31:15
That’s the other thing is just reminds me that like that, like they’re fighting all of these like heavy ass things with just being fucking goofy and silly and exactly the time. And I love that.
Mohanad Elshieky 31:26
And never thought in my life, a dialogue between two rocks would make me very emotional. And it was like a motivational in a weird way. Because it was just, it was like, Yeah, we’re small and stupid. And that’s our whole thing. And I’m like, yeah, we are small and stupid. And that’s our whole thing. Literally just like nothing. It’s like, it’s kind of like, I mean, obviously, the message was like, whatever you want to take from it, but it’s like, it made nothing matters into a positive thing.
Hoja Lopez 31:58
It did. That’s a good way of looking at it.
Kiki Monique 32:02
All I know is when I eventually get audited, I hope that when I punched my auditor, that it turns out the way it does for Jamie and Eflin. become best friends with Yes, sir. Yes. And they lead lesbians with your auditor? Yeah, either way, as long as I get out of this audit.
Mohanad Elshieky 32:44
Now we’re just gonna move on to my favorite segment that we do every episode of this podcast, which is, as you know what, sorry, not sorry, where we either demand an apology, or we apologize to someone. And like every week, I’m gonna start with Hoja, what’s happening?
Hoja Lopez 33:03
I need to apologize to my partner, Rachel, Rachel, this is for you directly. I’m sorry. I do realize that I’ve been taking about three fourths of our entire king size bed up. I have what I counted now as 13 full Size pillows, of which seven of them are king sized pillows. And I have a pillow, essentially for every extremity and every part of my body.
Kiki Monique 33:29
13 pillows? How is that possible?
Hoja Lopez 33:33
It’s pathological. There’s something wrong with me. I’m sorry. And then the other day, she walked into the bed, and I had taken her two small pillows while I was half asleep. Because I felt I still needed more, I needed 15 full sized pillows. And she woke me up. And she said absolutely not. Absolutely not, give me my pillows back. And I did I woke up and gave them back to her.
Kiki Monique 34:01
I just don’t even know where you put all these pillows while you’re sleeping.
Hoja Lopez 34:04
Just under my body and different crevices next.
Mohanad Elshieky 34:08
Every day. I learned something new from you. You’re incredible. Thank you so much for sharing. Well, Kiki, what’s going on with you this week?
Kiki Monique 34:17
Well, Oh ha might have to dole out the apologies.
Hoja Lopez 34:21
What did I do?
Kiki Monique 34:27
Well, you know, Hoja, was in town. She was in LA. And, you know, I love Hoja, I love being able to see her and hang out with her. And, you know, I just kind of moved into my new place but not really because not all my furniture is here. So it was like half moved in. And you know, I’ve been like deep into the giant at trial and I said like, Let’s hang out but I just I’m not going to be very fret like, I’m not going to do anything. I’ll be staring at a computer recording things and she’s like let’s just we can just eat and hang out and we can watch the trailer I’m like perfect. Sounds great. And so and there’s nothing else in my house in which I should apologize for but there’s nothing else to really entertain her except just me sitting there, recapping a trial. And so she comes and then she’s like, has her lunch. I’m like, perfect, she’s entertained. She’s eating. And then I guess she got a little sleepy, because, you know, she loves to sleep. And so then she passes out on the couch, but she start snoring so that I can’t really record the you know, because I have to, like, record my computer. Everything I’m recording has a snore in the background, so I’m like, alright, well, we’re just gonna use text today. It’s fine. This as my friend. She’s tired. I’m a snorer. I get it. I can’t help yourself. So she’s like, oh, man, I gotta pee. So she like goes the bathroom. Like maybe I can get some.. She’s like, I gotta go pee, but I don’t have like, a huge toilet. It’s just like, you know, one of those like, very like low flow. But I think she uses a lot of toilet paper because we know her pillow game is probably like your toilet paper game. She’s probably like, oh, the toilet paper the world. And so that it’s clogged the toilet, which is fine, because I have another toilet. What I did have was a plunger. So I had to like get a plunger from Target and it was fine. It was just pee guys just being lots of toilet paper was fine. And then she went home.
Hoja Lopez 36:38
Oh my god, this episode is not my best. This episode truly, it’s not my best. I just want to say that this is the first time we’ve solicited apologies from each other. And I do I will never apologize to you. Never. I will never say it. It doesn’t matter how much you asked me. I will never apologize for this.
Kiki Monique 37:05
That’s fine, because like I said family doesn’t need to apologize.
Hoja Lopez 37:09
That’s right, Kiki, also one more […] I told her that I was bringing champagne and then I forgot.
Kiki Monique 37:15
Oh, yeah, I could have just said that part. I could have just said that part. Bu I decided to go with all the part.
Hoja Lopez 37:22
I feel I live in honesty and I live in truth and radical truth and honesty. And this feels like honestly, payback.
Kiki Monique 37:32
Nope, not payback. But yeah, you will, you will probably you will destroy me one day and I know, I’m ready for it. I’m ready for it.
Mohanad Elshieky 37:39
That is incredible. I love that so much. I don’t know how to follow-up with this? Well, I’ll say this. I’m obviously demanding an apology. And now for me but for the whole nation. But I have been sent this, this post that was posted on Instagram by no one but the infamous TSA. The TSA posted on their Instagram a picture of a couple who were going on vacation and they pass the airport. And after they pass the security check. While they were both not wearing their shoes and just like fucking like, you know, like traveling clothes and everything. The man goes on one knee and proposes at the TSA security check line. Oh, no, first of all, you’re going on vacation. Could you not have waited? I mean, you’re managing like a tropical vacation, it’s Florida. I don’t care. If there’s a beach. There’s sunset. There’s a restaurant that you can go to. You decided to propose the most disgusting place at the airport, the security check line
Hoja Lopez 39:00
An emotionally depraved area.
Mohanad Elshieky 39:05
And obviously, you’re going to ask you know the question, are they, yes, they are, of course. Of course they are. What do I mean? What do you even think like, someone like me would not like imagine me Mohanad Elshieky just being like you know what, I’m gonna do this as a TSA, I’m paying full attention. I’m not going to take a knee as a TSA. I’m not even tie my shoes at a TSA.
Kiki Monique 39:30
You are getting tackled and arrested.
Mohanad Elshieky 39:32
I’m just hoping that just passed by. Thank God now I travel with my ID which is like a less of a hassle you know, I have my driver’s license. I traveled with it. But before I got my ID used to used to travel, use my Libyan passport. And my Libyan password mostly was it’s mostly written in Arabic except the like last pages. That’s where the translation is. So you’re supposed to go there and like read it. he’ll find the information that you need. And I give the TSA agents my passport. And this is in Montana state in the United States, one of them one of the 50. And I’m traveling and I give them my passport as a TSA agent looks at it. And he’s spent so much time. He spends so much fucking time looking at that passport, just going through the pages. And then I’m just like, hey, man, let me help you. And he’s like, no, no, no, no, I know, my job. Stop talking. I got this. And then he called another TSA agent who I assume the TSA manager. And he comes in, and they’re both looking at a passport. And I’m just trying to tell them what’s happening. Two things happening here. First of all, they’re holding the passport upside down, which is I’m like, and even if they flip it, there’s still Arabic is not going to change, it’s not going to translate once you change the position of that passport. And I’m just trying to tell them just go to the last page. That’s where the that’s where my name is in the language here. As like, you cannot look at Arabic for so long that you will start to understand what’s happening. And then eventually, I just say, look at the last page, just look at the final page. You say it real quick before and then they do and then they’re like, oh, look at this. It was right there. No, you spent 20 minutes. It’s been 20 minutes. I have this passport my whole life. Let me tell you, and then they were like, okay, sounds good. You can go enjoy your trip. You ruined it. But anyway, those couple chose that they want to tie the knot there.
Hoja Lopez 41:45
Can you imagine loving someone so much that you cannot wait one more second to ask them to marry you.
Kiki Monique 41:53
That’s a really positive way to look at it.
Mohanad Elshieky 41:56
I can imagine hating someone so much that you do this to them.
Kiki Monique 42:02
Yeah, cuz I thought there was nothing worse than like a jumbotron proposal.
Hoja Lopez 42:09
TSA takes it.
Kiki Monique 42:10
and like you just like it feels like a hostage situation. Because you aren’t TSA, you can’t really act up too much. So like, it feels like you’re gonna say yes. And just keep it moving. Right?
Mohanad Elshieky 42:21
Honestly, if I was her years from now, when this is not, this does not work for obvious reasons. I’d wait. I’d wait until like we are like at like LaGuardia Airport and just serve him divorce papers there.
Kiki Monique 42:38
It definitely has to be LaGuardia. Definitely.
Mohanad Elshieky 42:40
Exactly. I mean, I can’t think of a worst airport. So it has to be that.
Kiki Monique 42:45
to really, really seal the deal. Just make it Penn Station like not even take a plane.
Mohanad Elshieky 42:54
Exactly. Absolutely. But that’s what I’m demanding an apology from? Yeah. And so this is this is sorry, not sorry. But last week, you know, we announced that we’re going to start like featuring, sorry, not sorry, from you, our listeners on the show, which we host. So we start asking people and we said, hey, you can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or you can DM us on Instagram. And this week, we did get an email that was very interesting that Hoja’s going to read for us, first of all, who sent us the email.
Hoja Lopez 43:30
So Geneva sent us the email. Thank you for writing in. And she’s got a really interesting situation going on. So she says her first quote is I refuse to apologize to Santa so she is refusing an apology essentially. And I’ll tell you why. So she said or rather, to the families who are offended that I will not perpetuate the Santa lie to my young kids. She says that she you know the others consider it cruel to rob her intelligent three- and five-year-old daughters of the Santa’s experience that it’s somehow mean to refuse to pretend that a mysterious, voyeuristic, judgmental criminal trespasser somehow brings individualized toys to every single Christian only, plus the non-believers who do it for fun. So to her essentially, she’s saying that it is problematic and that more problematic than people are willing to admit, to let your kids believe in Santa who’s been around and doing the job. Since I guess everyone’s grandparents were around. So essentially, she’s, she just doesn’t. She wants to say fuck everybody who believes that she’s a bad mom for not wanting to perpetuate the Santa lie. So thank you, Geneva. What are you guys’ thoughts on Geneva’s quandary on Geneva’s writing?
Kiki Monique 44:48
I think it is. I mean, look, it’s it is a weird thing when you have to learn that your parents are liars, the first the first like really important people in your life and like everything they’ve ever told you from the time you were born was a lie. It’s kind of it is it is like a gut. I remember how gut wrenching it was when I found out.
Hoja Lopez 45:10
I feel like my mom lied to me about all sorts of things all the time. Big, big liar, big, big liar. Felt like one more thing in the bucket that I wasn’t told about. There was a lot of like, I remember this lie. One is sex will kill you. That was a fun one. Drugs will kill you. That was another one. There was definitely virgins can’t put tampons in. There was a lot of Oh, yeah, there was a lot of Catholic lies that have gone around and my family. And so Santa’s not existing. I was like, well, this feels easy. This feels like not as complex as all the other ones that they’re throwing at me.
Kiki Monique 45:52
That feels like your memoir, all the Catholic lies. My mama told me, I read it.
Hoja Lopez 45:59
I’m trying to think of other lies. There were white lies. There were big lies. But I think those were the ones that stuck around.
Mohanad Elshieky 46:08
I just think what’s so funny is like the strong emotions towards Santa. I mean, he’s just, I mean, he’s not real.
Hoja Lopez 46:18
Well, I’m an American, so you better not touch my Christmas or my Santa.
Kiki Monique 46:22
Oh, make that a white Santa.
Hoja Lopez 46:26
Don’t you come near my Christmas time?
Mohanad Elshieky 46:29
Like okay, here’s the thing. How about instead of being like, Santa does not exist. And Santa is not real. Fuck Santa. You could tell your kids that you are Santa. And not only do you bring them gifts, you also bring gifts everyone else. We can finally have the first woman president that way. Because, in a way, Santa is the president. You know, like he definitely has more power than Joe Biden. I’ll tell you that much.
Hoja Lopez 47:10
Wildly better approval rating for sure.
Mohanad Elshieky 47:12
Exactly. Because he’s not the president of America. He’s the president of the globe. He controls everything. Yeah. And then years from now, when they’re older, and they like Bob, you’re not sand. And you’re like, Well, I retired now, obviously, and you keep the lie going forever. Yeah. And if you don’t want to believe that I’m standing up, pay me back for every gift that I gave you. And you
Hoja Lopez 47:33
And you know what Mo, I do think that if you did have kids, I think that you would I mean, according to your own words, you would not be able to perpetuate the Santa lie because you would stress out about it a lot. Do you think that that’s accurate?
Mohanad Elshieky 47:49
Oh, why? I grew up in a Muslim family, Santa was not part of I mean, it’s something that I watch and I was like, cool. I guess when I was a kid, I was like, I guess he is real.
Hoja Lopez 48:00
Did you have any version of that growing up? Like any version of Santa or some like, like, I mean, I guess religiously affiliated, but this is a little this Santa feels different. You know?
Mohanad Elshieky 48:13
Santa is not to me is not a religious figure, if anything Santa is you know really believes in socialism. I like he’s all about sharing. And you know what, it’s all about sharing and he’s all about, you know, taxing the rich. He’s like, he’s like they’re bad. I’m just gonna give them cold which is, you know, I feel like the cold part is also something he needs to work on. Because I’m like, yeah, technically rich people fucking love coal. That’s how they make money. So maybe like replace it with something else? I don’t know. Biodegradable wood.
Hoja Lopez 48:52
So you think Santa is pro-union socialist?
Mohanad Elshieky 48:55
Absolutely. The elves are like you unionize. They have like their union. Oh, for sure. You know, it’s more of a board than anything really like they can vote Santa out of the if they want to. They just choose not to vote for them because they love the job. They love the work. We all we all know. Like, we’ve never heard the elves like complain. You know, I think I think Santa is the good version of Amazon. You know, like everyone is happy there. You can pay as much as you want to. It’s great.
Hoja Lopez 49:28
I do love that idea. Yeah. Well, thank you Geneva for writing in. I believe that you are well merited. You don’t have to pretend that seems to exist for your children. But maybe you do want to give them another socialist icon. We’ll see.
Kiki Monique 49:48
I’M SORRY is a Lemonada Media Original. The show is produced by Alex McOwen, supervising producer is Kryssy Pease. Our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our mix is by Kat Yore and theme music was composed by Xander Singh. If you like this show, please rate and review. And please don’t cancel us. You can find out more about our show at @LemonadaMedia on all social platforms, or follow us on Instagram at @imsorry_podcast. We’ll be back next week and until then be nice, play fair and always say I’m sorry. Thanks for listening!