Tell Me What to Do

Jaime Revisits: Life Is Good, but Aging Sucks

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Description

the age of impossible beauty standards for women, we need to have honest conversations with one another about how these unrealistic ideals affect our sense of health and wellbeing. There’s so much judgment for women who decide to alter their appearances, and yet – society also looks down on women for aging. No matter what, we can’t win. Relisten to hear Jaime discuss the pros and cons of aging, and answer listener questions on Botox, staying in shape, and how to feel sexy at any age!

 

FYI: Tell Me What to Do contains mature language and themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

 

Please note, this show is hosted and produced by a team that does not have any clinical or other mental or physical health training. If you are having a health or mental health crisis or emergency, please contact 911. For non-emergency mental health and addiction needs, try https://www.samhsa.gov for national and local resources.

 

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For additional resources, information, and a transcript of the episode, visit https://lemonadamedia.com/show/tmwtd/ 

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Erica, Jill, Jackson, Jaime Primak Sullivan

Jaime Primak Sullivan  00:11

Hello. The valley of vaginal dryness is where you’re at, but we’ll get to that in a minute. It’s a shit show. I cannot shrivel up and die. I just can’t. Hope you fucking go bald. How about that? Never stopped flirting. How dare you betray me? Face? My insides feel better. I can’t explain it.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Hey, guys, you’re listening to TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I’m Jaime Primak-Sullivan. And I’m so grateful that you guys are here. We are talking about the honest truth about aging in this week’s episode, and as somebody who is 44. I certainly have started to see some significant signs of aging. And we’re going to get into that and the good, the bad, the ugly. But first we’re going to talk about what’s going on in my head. And even before that, I’m going to remind you that Jackson is here.

Jackson 

Hello.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay. Apparently he’s very happy to be here

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I’m always happy to be here.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Hello. Today is my son’s 12th birthday. And as you guys may or may not know, I moved into the house that Jackson grew up in. So, my son lives in Jackson’s room. Isn’t so weird for you to go in there?

Jaime Primak Sullivan

It was for a little while I got used to it, because it just became the room we recorded in.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Like I remember touring the house and looking at it when that was your room. Didn’t you have like something everywhere? Trophies, comic books?

Jackson 

Comic book figures.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  01:59

Everywhere. Yep. I was like, Whoa, this kid is into it. Anyway, so that’s on my mind. And then, you know, I really am absolutely. As you can imagine, heartbroken about what happened at the nation’s capital and just pray for this entire country and everybody who is protecting this country. I read somewhere that there were more armed forces in the nation’s capital right now than in Afghanistan, Iraq all together. That makes me really sad. Really, really sad. So I just hope that we can love each other. And I think if everybody collectively prays for healing in this country, I believe in the power of prayer, I have to, I absolutely cannot give up hope. Once I give up hope, Jackson, I think I don’t know where I go from there.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

No, we don’t do that.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

We can’t. We have to believe that this country will heal itself. We are the greatest country in the world, and we are significantly broken. And it isn’t any one person’s doing. No one is that powerful. No one person is powerful enough to divide a country it is an ideology. And it is certainly aided and abetted in certain directions, but it is the fault of ours. Certainly I’m, you know, also part of that I stopped talking to so many people over politics that it’s like, it’s actually not politics, it’s actually like morals. But people are lost. I mean, people are lost, and they are turning against their own country. And it is terrifying for both sides, on both sides with both sides. And I just I don’t know, it’s been rough.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  04:01

It has been a historic week to say the least. But yeah, it’s hard.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

It’s hard. So and it’s hard raising kids because they’re just like, what are the adults in this country doing? On a happier note, I went to my shore house, and I love it so much. It is truly my happy place. And I’m excited to take the kids for the first time in March. That will be awesome. And I saw Bon Jovi is going to be participated in the inauguration, something something something and really it wouldn’t matter if Bon Jovi was playing at the opening of an envelope. I would celebrate it. So, very excited for that just because anything that Jon sings is music literally to my ears.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Did I tell you that I saw Jon Bon Jovi in concert when I was in eighth grade?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I love that that’s like, do you know how many times I’ve seen Jon Bon Jovi in concert, but yes it’s important for everybody to see Jon Bon Jovi in concert because the truth is.. Did you see him? Well, then you saw him with Richie Sambora, which is really the best way to see him. They’re not together anymore. They broke up. It’s very sad.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

So this week, we are getting honest about aging. Let me start with the good things about getting older. You’re still alive. You don’t tolerate shit. Sure, it’s situational now where you’ll situationally, let somebody steamroll you, but it’s not like when you’re young, and just everybody takes advantage of you. And you just you go along with whatever anyone says. You don’t tolerate your own shit anymore. Like now you call yourself out and you go, like, you’re acting like a full stop, right? You have so much more self-awareness as you get older. And self-awareness is really the key to growth. So you don’t really start growing until you grow up. And that’s, you hit that mental sort of age space, and it’s really cool.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  06:14

I would say 40 is the real turning point. I think personally. Now, obviously, I’m not in my 50s yet, but I think 40s is the best decade all around. I think you’re the most self-aware. I think you’re the most, you are the most comfortable setting boundaries. The sex in your 40s is unlike anything else you have ever experienced. “But Jaime I’m 27 the sex is great.” No, it isn’t. Okay? You’re gonna look back at the sex you had in your 20s and go “Ew, the fuck? What was that guy’s even named?” And why did I let them pound me like that? Like, did I think that was like good sex? Yes, you did. Right? It isn’t. And I think the reason that God gives you really, really, really great sex drive in your 40s is because you’re everything about your vagina changes when you turn 50 from what I hear, so it’s like get it all in.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Because now we’re going downhill. Like, so 40 is up is the hill. It’s up. It’s awesome. You know, the 40s. And then you start to go over and there goes your vaginal wetness. The valley of vaginal dryness is where you’re at, but we’ll get to that in a minute. But I love being 44. I’m not gonna lie. There are some days I look in the mirror and I’m like, Huh I feel like the girl who’s still at Freehold Township High School inside. Like, I feel like that fun, young girl inside. I guess that’s why they say you’re only as young as you feel. Except that like, I have gray’s at my roots now. I do have obviously wrinkles like tons of sunspots from wearing baby oil at the Jersey Shore.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

And there are some other things like that one chin hair that like it’s so offensive to me like how dare you betray me? Face? Like honestly, how dare you grow a fucking whisker? Like how dare you? Are you fucking kidding me? I have been so good to you, face. In my 40s not at all in my 20s or 30s when I was burning you to a crisp in the sun. But in the last four years I have been using very expensive product on this face. Like how dare you grow a fucking whisker? What do you a cat? Appalled at that and hurt and quite frankly betrayed by my own face. And your body changes like I now have one for Jackson wants to die. Make it through.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  08:49

I’m okay. I’m okay.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I now have one boob that hangs lower than the other one. So like I used to have symmetrical nipples, right? You could put a ruler across

Jackson

Mm hmm.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Right? Like you’re born pretty much with nipples that are at the same height?

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I would think so.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Okay, well let me tell you what happens in your 40s Jackson, not so much. So now like the ruler would be slightly inclined. Or this way, you know what I mean? Not like a ton, but enough that I notice it I’m like really one boob gravity’s what just works on the left in this house? It’s annoying. Also like this is just the truth you far more as you get older. Or maybe I just was never a big foreigner because I was such a burper and I finally got all my stomach issues under control. Like I’ve changed my diet which we’ll talk about later I take reflux medicine, right? So, it’s like not up here anymore. So maybe like maybe had it not always been coming out of my mouth. It would have been coming out of my ass a lot more as I was when I was younger, but it did because it was always coming out of my mouth. Now I notice like, I literally there are times I’m gonna I’m standing in a room and I’m like, did I fart? There’s no one else in this room. But I smell fart.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  10:17

I can’t relate. Because when I fart, you know it.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

You’re a man. There is something different about man farts, there just is. And dog farts, by the way. But like, no, that seriously has happened to me, like, in 44. Like, I’m like, I’m standing in this room, and I smell a fart. And I’m the only one standing in this room. But I don’t remember farting. So maybe I didn’t. But then where does the fart smoke come from? Welcome to Aging people. And then there’s just like other, you know, things that I do to deal with the fact that I’m aging. I certainly experiment a lot more with like masks and product and whatever. I’m not consistent with anything because I just am lazy. That’s what it comes down to. People were like, what’s your face? What’s it called? regimen? What’s your face washing regimen and like, when I remember, I wash my face with soap in the shower.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Like I’m the girl that uses harsh ass gym locker room body wash on her face. Sometimes I just don’t. I don’t know. I don’t really have a great regimen. If I did, I’d probably look a lot better. But I have found a few products that I really like. There’s the space product called like Sunday Riley or something. I know it has the word Sunday in it. Okay, and I know it’s pretty expensive. But they have a vitamin C serum or lotion or whatever that I really like. And then they have like a retinol kind of one that I really like. By the way, I like the way it smells. I have no idea if it works. I use Lamere face cream because my husband buys it for me for Christmas and then I have a big jar and like I use it you know or my birthday he bought you know special occasions. Do I need Lamere face cream? No. Is it making me look any more useful? Probably not. But it’s what’s in my bathroom. I get Botox. I’m going to talk about that. I get my roots dyed. You know, every three months. I get my roots dyed. But as you can see Jackson, can you see those gray’s?

Jaime Primak Sullivan  12:24

Oh, well, I can’t tell what’s gray and what’s your scalp?

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Oh, well, Jackson just brought up thinning hair line

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay. (Laughs)

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Thank you, Jackson. I also have a thinning fucking hairline. So thank you for pointing that out.

Jackson 

I apologize.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Jesus, he’s like I can’t tell if it’s gray or if fucking Moses just part the Red Sea in your hair. No, that’s my thinning hair. Which happens as you get older, Jackson. Hope you fucking go bald. How about that? Do you see gray?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Get closer. I don’t know. I only say yes. I don’t want to.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay, well, I have grays. He’s just, I don’t know what the problem is. So I do that, I dye my hair. And why do I do these things because I want to feel good about myself. It’s hard when you feel young and fun inside. But your body is showing weather and aging. And you know, you’re kind of like the really expensive outdoor furniture that you forgot to cover over winter. So it’s just like still great, but kind of weathered. That’s how I feel in my 40s. Also like teeth, you don’t realize how significant healthy teeth habits are. Until you’re in your 40s and you’re like, Oh, I hate my teeth. And you start looking at them really closely. And you’re like alright, these fucking things were not meant to go 44 years turns out I got a ride with these things to 90.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Like, teeth and gum health and like receding gums and yellow teeth from drinking coffee and just like, you just don’t think about it in your 20s you know, like, who’s 21 like, are you like my teeth? No, you’re like, you’re still looking for that pounding sex number that pounding sex I was talking about? So anyway, I personally do whatever I can to slow down the not slow down the aging process, but just not look so rough. And also like, sometimes shit hurts. I can’t touch my toes. My muscles are stiff. Like, I’m not flexible at all. My back hurts like almost all the time, like and so I’m like, if this is 40 What’s 65 gonna be like? I tease Michael all the time, because he’s going to be 58 this month and he’s like, let’s see how you feel in 14 years. Seriously. I’m like, All right, good point. Okay, before we get to your first question, let’s take a quick break.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  15:11

All right. All right, we’re back. we’re back. we’re back. Listener question number one comes from a listener named Jen who wrote me on Facebook and she asks:

Jaime Primak Sullivan

“Hey Jaime, I’m 43. And I want to know at what age should we stop wearing bikinis? It’s not a confidence thing for me, per se, but am I risking being Stacy’s mom”

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Stacy’s mom has got it going on. First of all, I thought we all wanted to be Stacy’s mom. Truly, I thought that was the goal. I almost named Olivia Stacy for that reason. Alright, so there is no like, age, where it’s like, okay, you have to stop wearing a bikini. But nothing brings out a woman’s insecurities more than bathing suit season, absolutely nothing. You are literally like, bare and vulnerable. You just are. And we live in a culture that binds our self-worth to how we look, add social media to that. And well, it’s a shitshow for women. It just is and I am 44 and I still wear bikinis. I’m grateful for this last summer. That was a pandemic because I didn’t have to get bikini ready. But I do tend to try to slim down like once I know bathing suit season this year, and I do wear bikinis at least I have maybe that’ll change next summer. Who knows?

Jaime Primak Sullivan  16:42

I used to kind of judge women who wore those monokinis. The like Bikini Bottom with the top that covers the whole midsection. Because I used to be like, like, what is that? It’s not a bikini, but it’s not a one piece. Like I don’t know. And then I was like, one day I tried one on and I was like holy shit. It’s so comfortable. I get it now. I’m so sorry I ever judged. And I don’t really like wear them necessarily. But I do get the comfort. You know what I mean? Like that’s comfortable. And it covers your stomach like that’s cool. I there is like I think there was a poll back in the day like maybe it was from England or something that polled like 100 women and asked, at what age should women stop wearing bikinis? And the average they said was the cutoff is 47. Now look, you’re going to get women like Cher and Helen Mirren who are going to be 60 whatever and still wearing bikinis and not give a shit.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Sharon Stone, like Julia Roberts is in her 50s she doesn’t care. You know, Jennifer Aniston’s in her 50s she’s not gonna care. I think there is no right answer. I have children who are very vocal about what I do. And if it embarrasses them. My children have not yet come to me and been like, “Can you stop wearing bikinis?” That feels weird. The day that Olivia is like, “Mom, can you not like wear a bikini?” I’m not saying I won’t wear one but I will consider that perhaps. Like I do so. You know, maybe in Jersey when she’s in Birmingham, or you know, on vacation with Michael or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, maybe I don’t need to get into a bikini every time I’m on vacation with my children.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

And I have some rocking one pieces. By the way, I got some one pieces that are way sexier than my bikinis. They’re like high cut. It actually gives you an ass when you don’t have one. You know, and it has support for your boobs. So you know, remember, Pamela Anderson in Baywatch did not run across that beach in a bikini friends. And she looked banging, sometimes, less is more. You know, you don’t have to show everything. So long as you feel good in a bikini rock that bikini girl. And if your children say something to you, then you know maybe it’s something you give some thought.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

But I’m never going to tell a woman to get out of a bikini if she feels good in it. And to those of you who were monokini rock those too and if you were one piece you rock that too. That’s how I feel about bikinis. All right. Listener question number two. This next question comes from a listener named Jill who left us a voicemail.

Jill 

Hi, Jaime, this is Jill. And my question is, at what age should we if we even should start getting Botox? I am 34 and I feel like I’m late to the game. But I have a lot of people saying, “No, do not get Botox.” So anyways, I want Botox. I feel like I need it. But I don’t know anything about it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. And if I do decide to get Botox, how do I deal with the people in my life that are very much against it? Thanks so much.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  20:30

Okay, Jill. So how do you deal with the people in your life who are against it, there is a lot of Botox and filler shame out there. I will tell you now, I made a video a few years ago with Taylor at the dermatologist getting Botox for the first time, and we posted it so people could see what it was like. And the amount of shame in the comments was, like overwhelming. I could not believe how many people had such a strong reaction to me getting Botox, they felt betrayed. They felt like, I think they felt like if they weren’t doing it, or they couldn’t afford it like that I should, we should all be on the same aging train together. And I get that. I do get that because there’s a personal connection between me and a lot of people that listen to my content. And they don’t want to feel like I’m going right and they’re going left or whatever. But I will say this to you.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I didn’t start getting Botox till I was 40. I wish that I had started getting Botox much sooner as a preventative. Because the beautiful thing about Botox is you can get it in very small doses as a preventative. So in places like in the middle of your forehead and around your crow’s feet, it will prevent those lines from becoming deep and permanent. I wish that A I could have afforded it back then. And B that I knew, you know, when I was 30 that I don’t even know if they had Botox when I was 30, to be honest. Did they have real housewives 11 years ago? 14 years ago? No, they didn’t. So no there was no Botox. I go by housewives. I wish I would have started earlier. Frankly, I was afraid. And also I had a hard time justifying the expense. It’s very, very expensive, very. Every time I get Botox, it’s like $540.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  22:24

It’s very expensive. I mean, you only do it every three months, or I only do it every three months. But that’s expensive to me. I think. The second part of your question is how do you deal with people that will judge you. A, you don’t have to tell them? You know, that’s the thing, we always feel obligated to tell everybody our personal business, you’re not obligated to tell anybody. The other thing is, if they do find out, and they don’t pay your bills, then you simply say to them, like listen, if you don’t like Botox, don’t get it. But don’t shame me for my choice to do something that makes me feel good about myself. You know, it’s like the same people when you tell them you’re trying to eat healthy, and they’re like, pushing you to eat french fries, because they want to like, they don’t want to be the only one eating shit at the table.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Like, no, this is my choice. This is what I’m choosing. There’s so much shame for women about the choices they make. If you get your eyebrows tattooed, if you get permanent lip liner, if you I don’t know, like, put extensions in your hair or Botox in your face or fillers in your lips. There’s so much judgment. But then you look at society that ages women out at 47. I mean, that’s what the fucking poll says, right? No wonder why women are feel like they have to do Botox and do all the dye their hair and pluck their whiskers and do all this shit. You know, because we live in a society that makes women feel like if they’re not desirable all the time, then they basically have no value and no worth.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  24:06

So you can’t have it both ways, America. You can’t make women feel like if they’re not useful and young and fun and sexy and desirable and exotic, you know, then they have no value. But then when you turn around and they are starving themselves to fit a bikini and they’re getting Botox and they’re dyeing their eyebrows, and they’re dyeing their hair and they’re plucking them you know, and then you want to judge all that too. It can’t you cannot have it both ways. So if you want Botox, get it and if you don’t want to tell anybody don’t and if you want to tell them, tell them if they start to say anything to you say it’s my face, mind your business.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

It’s really very simple. You don’t owe anybody an explanation, but I will tell you, it is very expensive. So really, really, really decide if it’s worth it. Okay, before we get to the next question, I have to take a quick break. So stick around

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

We’re back. Thank you for listening with me, we are talking about the benefits and, and not so benefits of getting older, aging. Let’s listen to another voicemail. This one comes from a listener named Erica.

Erica 

“Hey Jaime, it’s Erica. First of all, I just want to say that I adore you. And I think you are so awesome. And thank you so much for just loving us every day. My question is, what do you do to keep in such good shape? What are your go to suit? Thank you.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

You’re very sweet, Erica. I want to say that I adore you and think you’re awesome. So thank you. And thanks for loving me. What do I do to stay in such good shape? It’s so funny that you say that because I don’t feel like I am in such good shape. But what do I do? Well I obsess because I have a body dysmorphia that makes me a little bit kooky when it comes to how I look, but I do intermittent fasting. Sometimes, which means that I eat you know, for a certain amount of hours and then don’t eat for like 16 you know, whatever it is. I typically try to eat between the hours of like 12 and 7, and then nothing before or after.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  26:36

I try to drink a lot of hot tea. I walk a lot. I eat a lot of citrus, grapefruits, lemons, limes, the limes go in the tequila if I’m being honest, but I eat apples for snacks with squeeze lemon on them and cayenne pepper, which I know is a very weird thing. But Courtney turned me on to it and I absolutely love it. I eat grapefruits all the time. I eat garbage salads that I make big garbage salads. I’ve started using an air fryer which is a game changer for me. Those are my go-to foods I think. What else do I eat Jackson?

Jackson 

Drink Kombucha.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I do drink a lot of Kombucha I drink the Cayenne Cleanse Kombucha or the lemon ginger. I love it. I start every day with an immunity shot which is just fresh squeezed orange juice, organic honey, cayenne pepper and lemon. And it’s just a shot of it. It’s really good. I take a lot of vitamins, especially during the pandemic, I take D, C, zinc. My reflux medicine, and then I take my care vitamins I order care of that’s really it. I walk a lot. I have a Fitbit that I love. And my minimum steps a day are 10,500 and I try to hit 20,000 when I hit 20,000 I feel incredible. My body’s sore shit, but I love the way I feel.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  28:11

Let’s get to the next question. This email comes from a listener named Beatrice. She asks, “How do you feel sexy at any age? I’m 50 and going through menopause and could use some advice.”

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

You know what? Honestly, flirting. That’s my answer. flirting makes me feel so sexy and I flirt with everyone. I flirt with men and women. I’m an equal opportunity flirter. I flirt with people on CAWFEE TALK. I flirt with people at the bank, I flirt with you know, I think there’s sexual flirting and then there’s just fun. Even sometimes in the way I talk to you like Jackson just raises eyebrows like what? It’s obviously not sexual flirting, but sometimes like okay, Jackson, I see you. It’s playful. It’s useful. It’s different energy. The people at the bank every time I walk in, I’m like, “Hey, guys.” like “Hey, Mrs. Sullivan.” I’m like, “That’s my mother-in-law. Don’t call me that. Call me Jaime.” There you go. Okay.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

You know, it’s just nonstop flirting, I think it what helps you feel sexy at any age. People are going to tell you it’s self-confidence. They’re going to tell you to own it. They’re going to tell you to do shit like roleplay like I don’t want to be Xena Warrior Princess. Okay, like, I don’t even have time for that shit. And truthfully, I don’t know who she is. I just know that name. And I don’t want to like do cosplay. You know what I mean? To feel sexy. I just want to feel sexy.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

And let’s face it, not a lot of women. Like now we’re 50 we got a plucked chin hair, dye our hair, get Botox, workout, drink water, do a fucking blood type diet, deal with all this shit and now you got to try to figure out how to be sexy and fucking cosplay with costumes and damn, Princess Leia Buns and all kinds of shit. No, I’m tired. I cannot do all that.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

So for me, the best way to feel sexy is to flirt. Never stop flirting. flirt all the time with everybody with men and women. Women love to flirt. Don’t be afraid to flirt with a woman and have her thinks you’re hitting on her. I flirt with women all the time, and I am gay. And most of them do not think I’m hitting on them. And I am gay. So I can assure you if you’re not gay, people are not going to think that. So that is my advice. And if you’re going through menopause.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  30:24

I would say, I don’t know anything about menopause yet, because I’m not there. My mom went through it at 50. But I know there’s like hot flashes. I have friends who went through it and they use like the cool pillows, the cooling pillows, like the kind that are like created to stay cold on both sides.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I would say using like, the cool cotton sheets, because I know they sweat so bad, you know. But honestly, the biggest thing for women is vaginal dryness. It is such a betrayal. It is. It’s a fucking betrayal. Because you walk around feeling like a rockstar for three decades or two decades, because you’re like, I’m wet all the time. Like, I’m so wet. I mean, they make whole Only Fan accounts and Pornhub fucking accounts on women and their wetness. And then all of a sudden, one day it’s like, skirt skirt. It’s like a fucking DJ scratching on a broken record.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

And you’re just like, what? To me personally, that is going to be the hardest part of aging for me. And I know it’s inevitable. It happens to every woman to varying degrees. Jackson, by the way guys, wants to die. He’s over here just nodding, praying. I don’t ask him to weigh in or ask him a question. He’s just literally like, almost like, staring past me like maybe she won’t notice I’m sitting here. I see you, Jackson.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I’m trying to be someone you can talk to. But I do not have anything to add on this.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Well, I guess it would be like erectile dysfunction. It feels like a betrayal of your body. You know what I mean? It’s obviously an awkward body part. But it would be like if your ankle stopped working, you know, or your ears you couldn’t hear anymore, which does happen as you get older you become more harder of hearing. Obviously, I you know, had to get glasses that I never wear. I needed them though, but I never wear them. For me vaginal dryness, I think is going to be the hardest one. Even harder than like losing my period. Some people say there’s a mourning period, you know, after losing your period, I have gotten my period every 28 days without fail except for the times I was pregnant. Since the first time I got it. August before my 16th October birthday.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  32:49

I got my period super late. Well, no, not super late. I was 15 right before I turned 16 and I have not missed a period unless I was pregnant every 28 days without fail. I am sure that when that stops I will go through some celebration but also some mourning period. I am trying to prepare myself for the vaginal dryness like I speak to my gynecologist about it and I read up about it and different lubes and all different kinds of things I am I cannot shrivel up and die. I just can’t.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I cannot like that to me is like I just can’t I don’t know what will happen to me if I don’t figure something out. So now you know my innermost fear people. And I just think like confidence I think flirting and I also think like truly knowing your worth and letting people know that you know it. Look at that wrinkle right there, Jackson, you see that? You see this? Guy’s we’re just looking at the wrinkles. Knowing your worth and being confident enough to ask for that. And sometimes worth is not a fiscal connotation but like, I’m worth you texting back.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  34:09

I’m worth you sticking to plans. I’m worth you. Respecting my boundaries, right? These kinds of things. And as you get older sexiness is saying, listen, I know what I’m worth. And if you’re not gonna if you don’t see that, it’s not my job to show you. That’s what I would say that and flirting never stopped flirting. One last question. This question comes from a listener named Sarah who wrote to me on Facebook, she says:

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

“I’m 57 almost 58 and I still feel sexy.” I love that. “My husband is great with me and makes me feel sexy.” I love that even more. “However, I want to get my energy back help. I used to work out at least three times a week with weights now I just don’t have mentally have the energy. I love the way it changes my body even after just two weeks of working out again. But damn, I’m home all week. week long, so it’s not like I don’t have the time, because I do Jaime, tell me what to do?”

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Okay, well, first of all, I think you absolutely need to understand that every single person feels the way you do in some capacity. I am a writer, I feel the best when I am writing, I feel the most creative and I have struggled so hard in the last year, to write, to edit, to put things on paper, the pandemic, the politics, the country, my things going on with my family, like, it’s not about not having the time. It’s not about not having the desire. It’s about being mentally capable of the follow through.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

And I just am really struggling with it. So Sarah, I want you to understand that one thing you are lucky about is what you want to do does not take a lot of mental wherewithal, it’s more physical. So you are lucky in that sense, because right now, we are also taxed mentally and emotionally, that calling our minds to do another thing we have been in fight or flight mode since last March, and we are all teetering on the brink of I mean, we Americans basically attacked Americans like we literally storm the cat, we stormed the capital of our own country, if you want to understand how mentally and emotionally crippled we are. That’s where we are. The United States military has to defend its capital against its own people don’t think you understand.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  36:40

Like how mentally and emotionally damaged we are as a people right now, the good thing about what you’re saying you want to do is you want to do something physical, which will be so good for you. I wish I had a desire to lift a weight. Please, Sarah, can you rub? Can you come rub your body on me? Can you give me some of that? You’re almost 58 years old, and you know you’re sexy, and your husband still thinks you’re sexy. And all you want to do is get your mojo back? And you got to lift a few weights, girl, please do it if not for you for me. Because if you have a body that changes after just two weeks of working out, I want to see a before and after picture, please. I need the motivation. Let me see it messaged me a damn picture.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Let me see something sexy, we all need to see it. And you are so lucky that this is what you desire right now. Because you can go outside in your backyard, you can lift weights, you can go in your basement or your garage or your bedroom or wherever. And listen to this podcast while you’re lifting weights. And two weeks from now I’m going to see even sexier picture of you and be like damn, see, I should be writing. I should be like Sarah. So I really would love to see you do this. I really would carve out the time make a new playlist. Get yourself a new cute sports bra and get at it girl. I’m not going to do it. But I love it for you.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  38:15

Guys, here’s what I’m going to tell you about aging. It’s a gift, right? Because the alternative is terrifying. And we’re all on this journey together and whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself, to feel healthy to feel well mentally, physically, emotionally, I support I promise I will never judge another woman in a monokini ever again, because I get it now. Certain things are simple. We make them complex. You know it’s less calories in, move your body more. It’s drink more water. It’s take healthy vitamins, it’s eat a balanced diet, everything in moderation except for oral sex. It’s masturbation which is normal and healthy. It’s surrounding yourself with people you love. It’s finding where your happy places and spending time there it is useful to smile to be happy, people always go you run home to New Jersey so much to see Courtney. Courtney is my family. Mary is my family. Sue is my family.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Like you want to be with people that you can’t stop smiling. You can’t stop laughing, you know? You can age, sure I might have more smile lines being around them but my mental and physical age goes down. My insides feel better. I can’t explain it. I eat better I feel better, I think better, I laugh harder, I dance, I sing louder, it’s just better for me and find that for you and fight for it. That’s the other thing is like fight for it, you know? I fought for it with Michael not against him, but for it, you know? And I kept going to Jersey even when I had to sleep in Courtney’s basement, on a bed in the dark in her basement with no bathroom. I didn’t care because I was in my happy place and I felt the most myself and I just think we need to figure what out when we feel our best and then fight like hell to stay close to that.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  40:20

And that’s what I would say about aging. It’s not easy and wait till the gray pubes come. I don’t have them yet. But I did look them up on the internet and they’re interesting. I love you guys. Very much. And I want you to age gracefully, but honestly, and openly. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe, tell a friend. Send them the link. Just text it right to them and say you got to listen to this. Go for a walk and listen to this woman talk about her vagina. It’s very important. I really do love you guys and the team at Lemonada Media who makes this all possible. Have a great, great day.

CREDITS

TELL ME WHAT TO DO is a production of Lemonada Media. The show is produced by Kryssy Pease and Alex McOwen. It’s edited by Ivan Kuraev. Music is by Dan Molad. Jessica Cordova Kramer, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jaime Primak Sullivan, are our executive producers. Rate and review us and follow us at @LemonadaMedia on all your favorite social platforms. Of course you can follow me at Jaime Primak Sullivan on Facebook or at @JamiePSullivan on Instagram. If you have any questions for me that you want me to answer on the show, give me a call at 833-453-6662

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