Listen Now: The Finances of Surrogacy (w/ Kulap Vilaysack)
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This week we’re bringing you an episode of Cash Cuties from our friends Fumi Abe and Steffie Baik. Cash Cuties is a “super personal” finance podcast where each week, Comedian Fumi Abe and Steffie Baik analyze their friends’ credit card statements and judge their spending habits – with love. In this episode, Auntie Kuku brings the literal receipts, and opens up about the financial reality of surrogacy.
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Transcript
SPEAKERS
Speaker 3, Kulap Vilaysack, Fumi Abe, SuChin Pak, Steffie Baik
SuChin Pak 00:01
Hi, Carters, it’s your auntie Su, and today is your lucky day. I’m about to share with you an episode who did with our friends over at Cash Cuties. All right, so let me give you the wild concept of this podcast. The host, Fumi Abe and Steffie Baik will literally go through Ko’s credit card statements to analyze her spending in real time. Ko talks about the financial realities of surrogacy. She brings literal receipts to the table and digs into what she has added to her cart. It is wild, I know, because, hey, I did one too, and I was sweating and laughing all the way. Just a quick side note before this episode plays, Fumi, who’s been on our pod several times, will be going on tour, he’s so hilarious. He’ll be in Columbus, Ohio on August 18, Brea, California on September 11, Portland, Oregon on October 5, Seattle, Washington on October 6, San Diego on January 16, and Phoenix, Arizona on january 18. All right, you can get tickets at Fumiabe.com enjoy the show, and we’ll be back with a new episode of Add To Cart next wee, bye.
Steffie Baik 02:22
Welcome to Cash Cutie super personal financial podcast where we analyze our friend’s credit card statements with love. I’m your host, Steffie Baik.
Fumi Abe 02:29
And I’m Fumi Abe.
Steffie Baik 02:31
Now if you’re listening on your Apple pod app, leave a review hit follow on Spotify and sub to our YouTube channel for the video version of this podcast. All the links are available in the episode description below.
Fumi Abe 02:41
Shout out to our Donald daddies. These are people who give us money on Patreon, what is Patreon? It is the best way to support this podcast. You give us a donation, we give you bonus episodes, and we get to buy stuff like cool cameras to make this look better.
Steffie Baik 02:52
And better lighting.
Fumi Abe 02:53
And better lighting. And today, if you notice that it’s bad, it’s because our video producer couldn’t make it, because we had to change this, the scheduling, and we it’s my fault. I fucked it up. I fucked it up, and that’s why but see you giving us money helps us hire this video producer. That’s a good time this week. We just have one person, Fanny C, $10 thank you so much. Check us out on Patreon. Cash Cuties moment for this week, Steffie, what do we got?
Steffie Baik 03:17
Okay, so, you know, I came back from Mexico City, amazing trip, and everything is so affordable. There it’s, it’s like every Uber ride was around three, $4 every Uber ride I took, yeah, and from my Airbnb to the to the airport was about $6 okay, it was like a 20 minute drive, at four in the morning, okay, it’s amazing, right? Okay, so when I got back, I got a immigrant lady, a Nigerian woman. She was so sweet. She was my Uber driver on the way back here from the airports. Yes, it cost me $67 so it was just a shock for me. After a week of just paying like, that was like, my whole trip. It was about that much for when I was over there in Ubering. By the end, she was like, she told me basically her whole life story about, like, how she immigrated here and she has like five kids, and started making me think about my own mom, being a single mom and all these things. By the end she I wanted to tip her, but I only I didn’t want to tip her. Like I realized when you tip somebody, she’s not gonna see it. If it’s on the yeah, she will, but I won’t get to see her response to my tipping.
Fumi Abe 04:35
Oh, yes.
Steffie Baik 04:38
It’s like, I wanted to see the response. So I gave her, I think I felt kind of guilty, or whatever, I gave her a $20 tip cash.
Fumi Abe 04:48
Now, before we continue, is that legal? Under no Corp is that […]
Kulap Vilaysack 04:56
They don’t like that. They don’t like it, but like, what can they do?
Fumi Abe 04:59
Well, they can’t do anything. I’m just asking, why?
Steffie Baik 05:01
What happens? What is it like taxed for them, or something like?
Kulap Vilaysack 05:04
Yes, it must yes.
Steffie Baik 05:06
The tip.
Fumi Abe 05:06
So you giving them the cashes under the table, so it’s not going to be registered, meaning it’s just not paying taxes on that so, like.
Kulap Vilaysack 05:12
But it’s the most Asian thing you’ve ever done.
Steffie Baik 05:14
It was amazing, and I felt really kind of, I also just really loved her like, by the end, I like, felt like.
Fumi Abe 05:20
Did you feel bad after it happened? Because now you essentially dropped $90 coming back from the airport to your house.
Steffie Baik 05:26
I didn’t do the math. I don’t want to think about that. Why did you just say that to me? Because I just don’t think about it.
Fumi Abe 05:33
When you’re talking the story. I thought you were saying like, I felt good in the moment, but afterwards, it was, like, bittersweet, because […]
Kulap Vilaysack 05:43
I did math too, but not the same math. She said $67 and I thought two more dollars, and it would have been $69 and I hung there, and had to come back and Kulap, listen to her story. Listen, you’re a grown woman.
Fumi Abe 06:01
That’s a good tipping thing. Like, you just every time you tip, you try to get at the 69 no matter what you do, the coffee could be $3 and you give her 66.
Steffie Baik 06:11
But, like, she worked me, but it wasn’t like I liked that. Like I felt like that money went towards a really good coffee.
Fumi Abe 06:18
That could have been her move, right?
Steffie Baik 06:20
I don’t care, because I had a good, like, I felt good sitting there. And it was like, partially for me, I got to see her. She called she told me, you know, what did she say? She’s like, oh, you’re a woman of God, that’s what she said to me. And I really enjoy, I like, like that.
Fumi Abe 06:34
What did you do that? That did that?
Steffie Baik 06:36
The $12.
Fumi Abe 06:38
Oh, you gave her money. Then she said, you’re a woman of God.
Steffie Baik 06:40
Yeah, and then she was so happy.
Fumi Abe 06:43
You bought that label.
Steffie Baik 06:45
Fine, yeah, that’s okay, fine, yeah, okay.
Fumi Abe 06:48
Can I throw this to our guest here? Do you tip your Uber drivers.
Kulap Vilaysack 06:54
In in the app.
Fumi Abe 06:55
Because I’ve never tipped my uber driver. […] But I feel like, I feel like it’s not, uh, it’s not that uncommon. Like, I don’t know why, if I take a yellow cab in New York City, I do tip because you’re just supposed to, for some reason. But for some reason, with Ubers, I feel like there’s, like, a decent amount of us who are like, oh yeah, I don’t, I don’t tip a lot of times. It’s because I forget to, because, like, I don’t look at the app when I never […]
Steffie Baik 07:27
No, I’m forgetting every time a financial podcast. Are not forgetting every time […]
Fumi Abe 07:32
I’m a forget, I’m a forgetful, Fumi.
Kulap Vilaysack 07:34
So shocked, Fumi, like I like you, but now I like you a little.
Fumi Abe 07:40
Really?
Kulap Vilaysack 07:41
Yes.
Fumi Abe 07:42
But see, for me, it’s like, just charge me what it costs. It could. It’s like, on the app, you know what I’m saying?
Kulap Vilaysack 07:48
You know that goes on, you know how much they take Uber takes, like, a certain percentage, like a big chunk, then […]
Kulap Vilaysack 07:54
And so I’m curious, you always get an Uber like you’re I’m like, you’re not. In my mind, I would think that you would be rated low and you would never be able to get an Uber. But that’s clearly not the case.
Fumi Abe 07:54
Charge me more. I just feel like this. The problem with the tipping is, like, it’s, it’s two pain points. So you’re gonna get a lot of people like me who are like, well, I don’t, and I would love to see this […] Because I’ve asked a lot of people and like, it’s more than you think. It’s more than you think. And when I met, when I said forgetting, this is what I’m talking about, because I’m not actually forgetting what happens is, I close the door, the end the I end the ride, right? And then the next time to open up Uber might not be for a couple more days, and when I open it, they go, hey, did you want to leave a review for whoever gave you a ride two days ago? And you can think of a tip, but it’s already been two days. And so you’re like, man, and that’s, that’s where that’s coming from […] You got a tip right there.
Fumi Abe 08:52
They can’t rate you based on tipping. Ah, they should, because they rate you the second you get off the and so it’s based on behavior. And have excellent behavior.
Steffie Baik 09:01
See, okay, I feel that you should tip on how they drive and also on your experience in the car with them. You need to do that because if not everyone’s gonna just not give a fuck, and then you’re gonna have a bad Uber driving experience.
Kulap Vilaysack 09:18
Are you reading and not tipping? Are you […]
Fumi Abe 09:20
Not reading, not tipping. I’ll give him five stars. And I and with the New York City cabs, not not that anyone rides a cab anymore, but with New you can’t leave a review on New York City cabs. And I’ve had like, awful drivers.
Steffie Baik 09:36
I feel like I should be the other way around, because taxis are so expensive, so you should not be tipping them, and you should be tipping Uber.
Fumi Abe 09:45
But I think it’s just like, it’s because taxi drivers can be, like, no tip. They can just say that.
Kulap Vilaysack 09:52
They can say it to you, but you can just anonymously, not do it.
Fumi Abe 09:56
It’s kind of like tipping at the coffee shop, and you don’t want to, but you don’t have to tip for like, three days after and they’re not looking so you can just be like.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:03
Okay, have you worked in service industry?
Fumi Abe 10:05
I spoke at a restaurant.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:07
And you feel okay about this?
Fumi Abe 10:08
Well, I was just making desserts in the back. I wasn’t I wasn’t serving food. I was making desserts in the back. They wouldn’t let me on the front of the floor.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:15
Wait, you were a […] chef?
Fumi Abe 10:17
No, not really.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:18
[…] made my desserts?
Fumi Abe 10:21
Like creme brulee and stuff.
Steffie Baik 10:23
I mean, I’d make […] that’s so weird […] it’s like a French.
Fumi Abe 10:31
Japanese restaurant so we would say […]
Steffie Baik 10:41
I looked up this thing. It says only 60% of rides receive tips in 2019.
Fumi Abe 10:48
60, so 40.
Steffie Baik 10:49
No, 16%.
Fumi Abe 10:50
Okay so then 80, most people, I’m saying.
Steffie Baik 10:54
2019.
Fumi Abe 10:54
that’s what I’m saying. It’s like, it’s not that uncommon for people like me. It’s actually the majority.
Kulap Vilaysack 10:59
When search pricing happens is that, does that benefit only Uber, or does the driver also benefit?
Steffie Baik 11:06
The driver benefits.
Kulap Vilaysack 11:08
Okay.
Steffie Baik 11:10
Well, wow. I’m not changing my behavior. I asked that you change yours.
Fumi Abe 11:15
You tip every time.
Kulap Vilaysack 11:19
Yeah, every time, unless the guy or the person, […] who’s not gonna they’re being weird, or like, creepy or like, are they’re not. The drive is too aggressive.
Fumi Abe 11:33
This is Uber allows you to file a specific complaint about their behavior that has nothing to do with money, right? So you could just be like, hey, this is a bad experience. He harassed.
Steffie Baik 11:41
And I’m also not gonna tip them.
Fumi Abe 11:43
Right but.
Kulap Vilaysack 11:44
I’ve never filed. I’ve never filed. I’ve only will use, I filed by my rating and by my tips, but it’s never reached a point of seriousness either. So let me just say that.
Steffie Baik 11:57
You’re doing the way you said wow makes me think that you’ve done this a lot. Where you you file, bro, you know people are out of the job, then too, right? But, well, you’re not tipping plus, the one thing you will do is spend 10 minutes writing.
Fumi Abe 12:12
Listen, I’m not fine like, if it’s a regular ride, I’m not kind of file a thing I’m talking about like, when people like, I’m in days.
Steffie Baik 12:19
He’s scared right now.
Fumi Abe 12:23
I’m not scared, bro. Come at me.
Steffie Baik 12:27
Still so shocked.
Fumi Abe 12:30
Bro, 86%.
Kulap Vilaysack 12:31
I know, I am shocked by that too, I guess.
Steffie Baik 12:33
Yeah, tips $1 for drinks at the at the with the bartender, because that’s what he learned
Fumi Abe 12:40
That’s normal.
Kulap Vilaysack 12:41
But we’re in 2024.
Fumi Abe 12:43
If you and I go to Zebulon, okay, shout to Zebulon after improv show. Zebulon, okay, you get me a beer. They’re like, okay, that’s $14 you’re not gonna just tip $2.
Kulap Vilaysack 12:55
So you’re paying cat. In this mind, it’s cat.
Fumi Abe 12:58
I guess yeah.
Kulap Vilaysack 13:02
No, I’m more now I’m in a place I’ve worked service so much that I always, I just always do 20% unless it’s horrible. No, I get at the bar. Was a bartender when it’s cash. But we’re not living in a world of cash.
Fumi Abe 13:17
You know what I want to do.
Kulap Vilaysack 13:19
I’m also probably buying you a drink. I’m buying her a drink like, you know, yeah, usually just, I’m not usually doing winners of, like, a beer.
Fumi Abe 13:26
Oh, okay, but here’s what I want to And before you say that, this nasty thought about right here, bro, I would like to get rid of this no tipping shame against like the person the tipper here are you going after the wrong person, and that’s how the man in capitalism gets you. That’s how capitalism gets you, because capitalism makes you guys feel like you’re better person than me because you tip. But really what’s wrong with the system is they should just, I should just pay what people are supposed to get paid, and that should be the end of it. Just, just pay people a fucking fair ways. Don’t fucking come at me, bro, okay.
Kulap Vilaysack 14:14
But you that was like watching a Cirque du Soleil show the way you fell torching contortionist.
Fumi Abe 14:23
Bro.
Steffie Baik 14:25
Capitalism.
Fumi Abe 14:26
Capitalism, bro.
Kulap Vilaysack 14:27
It’s about capitalism.
Fumi Abe 14:32
Yeah, dude, no, but see, I agree what you’re saying, but also like 86% you know what I’m saying.
Kulap Vilaysack 14:40
Okay.
Fumi Abe 14:41
That number means something.
Steffie Baik 14:42
Because everyone else doesn’t mean you have to follow.
Fumi Abe 14:44
I guess that number is so high that.
Steffie Baik 14:46
Don’t you think 2019 I wonder in 2020.
Fumi Abe 14:49
I guess what I’m saying is that number is so high that it’s beyond just people.
Steffie Baik 14:53
It increased to 24 28% now 2024.
Fumi Abe 14:56
it’s still 72% that number is so high.
Kulap Vilaysack 14:59
I’m so surprise, I’m shocked.
Fumi Abe 15:01
That it’s beyond just people being stingy. There’s something happening psychologically that needs to be addressed.
Steffie Baik 15:05
It’s because they’re not doing it upfront like I think that the reason we tip more at the coffee stand, even if we’re standing and we’re getting the coffee from the door, because they’re watching, waiting for that connection.
Fumi Abe 15:18
The same thing with the old yellow cab driver, they’re watching, you, and if you don’t do it, they’ll say they’ll give you shit. I remember back in the day, would do that to me in New York, but it.
Kulap Vilaysack 15:26
Sounds like Uber drivers should turn their heads, and especially if you see Fumi, look and go. Love it if you were to rate and tip me before you leave. Will love it, Fumi, if you would.
Fumi Abe 15:45
If you do that, I’d be like this. What’d you say? I pretend like I’m […] Oh, god damn, wait. Okay can I open up one more one more box of worms, one more man. Do you guys tip the hotel? Like people clean your room?
Kulap Vilaysack 16:12
I’m gonna lose my fucking mind right now, because I used to be a housekeeper. And if you tell me I was a child housekeeper at like 14, one of my first jobs, holiday in […]
Fumi Abe 16:35
Okay, so I remember seeing my parents do that like in the 90s, but I don’t is that a thing?
Kulap Vilaysack 16:41
Yes, yes.
Fumi Abe 16:43
But what if you don’t have cash?
Kulap Vilaysack 16:45
There’s always an ATM.
Fumi Abe 16:47
I gotta go to the ATM, get a 20. Can someone break this 20? It’s just like, okay. So the reason why I bring it up is because recently, I stayed, I stayed in Dallas. This place had a QR code, and they’re like, if you like, to leave a tip. So I did that, but I’m like, good, because you made it convenient for me to do.
Kulap Vilaysack 17:05
Yes, you know, because even now, places now are like Venmo.
Fumi Abe 17:10
Makes sense.
Kulap Vilaysack 17:10
Then if you don’t want to, if you don’t catch Venmo us.
Steffie Baik 17:13
So how are you doing? Are you doing it every day at the end? Or do you end of my stay under their stay?
Kulap Vilaysack 17:19
But do you have, factoring in how many times that I you clean, because you don’t do it every time you don’t do everything.
Fumi Abe 17:24
The same person may not be cleaning that shift. So then, like, maybe it’s not that ladies shift that data.
Kulap Vilaysack 17:29
But then you hope in the WA that’s absolutely true, but in the wash, that everybody is getting fed, Fumi, meaning that if everybody tips and it’s covering everybody. Does that make sense?
Fumi Abe 17:42
Everybody’s tip.
Steffie Baik 17:43
Yeah, but like hearing.
Fumi Abe 17:45
I’m not gonna get […]
Kulap Vilaysack 17:50
When I was again, 14, having to clean used condoms underneath Vegan Minnesota suburbs, yes so.
Steffie Baik 18:04
That’s hard work.
Kulap Vilaysack 18:04
Yeah, that’s and you get, you know, yes, we, we can talk about capital. We can talk about capitalism. You know how it’s like, but, but for corporations, if they’re they’re not gonna hire as many people if the price of per person so they a lot of workers depend on tips to survive.
Fumi Abe 18:30
Yeah, the total thing. I just the reason I bring it up because when I tipped the other day, I was like, Oh, I haven’t done this in like years, like, I completely forgot about this.
Steffie Baik 18:38
And it’s kind of like I feel like unless people are doing it, especially younger people, I feel like are doing not.
Fumi Abe 18:43
I don’t know what I yeah, I guess it’s just like, because I get it’s like a in private thing. It’s like a tipping private, you have to be sort of shamed into tipping I think.
Kulap Vilaysack 18:52
Yes.
Steffie Baik 18:53
Yeah, I wonder if, um, are you?
Kulap Vilaysack 18:55
Do you feel any shame right now, are you?
Fumi Abe 19:00
No, now that you said the used condom story a little bit, but, but the thing is.
Kulap Vilaysack 19:04
I know you are just like jizzing in the coffee pot. You’re wiping it all.
Fumi Abe 19:12
You know, that’s really good point, because I actually take care of my hotel rooms are very clean, so I don’t even know how much cleaning you really have to do.
Steffie Baik 19:18
Clean up at the end. Do you guys do that? I clean up. I play Airbnb, I throw out the trash […]
Fumi Abe 19:26
You find it, you find a trash shoe?
Steffie Baik 19:27
Yeah, outside, and then I down. Well, I did for this Airbnb.
Fumi Abe 19:33
That’s different.
Steffie Baik 19:33
Do you not tip up the Airbnb?
Kulap Vilaysack 19:35
I don’t Airbnb.
Fumi Abe 19:37
Those are all my fucking corporations and fucking.
Steffie Baik 19:39
But there’s a cleaning there were cleaning ladies there, probably depends on the Airbnb. If it’s like an individual’s Airbnb, maybe not. But this was like a building of Airbnb is, and I saw the ladies coming in. Maybe because I got, I was connected to the people again.
Steffie Baik 19:54
Like, when I know, see.
Fumi Abe 19:54
Maybe.
Fumi Abe 19:56
But I and like I get, you know, here’s the thing, I would be more than happy to tip the Uber driver and the hotel people if this happened to me other day in Dallas, I was getting pot belly fucking not even that good. I got a sandwich and a soup is $15 and the iPad thing said I had to tip, and so I tipped, and it was, my meal was $18, and I’m like, you didn’t even you’re getting paid an hourly wage, right? Like you’re, you know what I’m saying. I’m like, I would if they didn’t chart make me shame tip at some of these places where I’m like, what the fuck I have to tip you? I would be more than happy to tip over.
Kulap Vilaysack 20:32
Okay, so there’s a new California law was passed that the restaurants can’t have sort of the it’s not fair to say hidden fees, but sometimes you’d go to a restaurant, or even if the party’s six or more, we’re gonna charge 18% for a tip. Or some places like health job Vinnies or the animal or those types of restaurants are like, okay, we upcharge 18% to take care of our staff, right? They can’t do, what they’re going to do is, then they’re going to increase the prices of the of the food, so now your cost per plate is going to be more expensive. You prefer that over?
Fumi Abe 21:14
Well, I was gonna say, if I don’t want to think about it, to me, it’s all about the pain point. So if you include the 18% without me really thinking about it, then I that’s cool too. Uber my thing is, like, just include it in the price man, you know, just include it. I don’t like asking someone, it’s just a marketing thing, but it’s like, if you ask somebody to pull up their wallet multiple times, but the third second or third time, they’re like, I don’t want to anymore.
Kulap Vilaysack 21:36
No, look, I have been called a white whale.
Fumi Abe 21:39
What does that really mean.
Kulap Vilaysack 21:40
Well, this is embarrassing to say, and how it was brought up to me is that there is, like, one game that I play when I mindlessly need to separate from reality, and it’s a dumb game on my phone that I can’t even pull what it’s called, it’s like garden scapes, and what all I do is just like, Like a version of Candy Crush, but like, set in, like a garden or whatever. And sometimes I buy more lives. I purchase things, and I’m what those game developers call a white whale. I’m gonna be somebody who’s like, if I want it, I’m gonna get it. And it’s insane that I do this. And also, dot. I tip everywhere. No, I’m just saying.
Steffie Baik 22:25
Can I ask you something?
Kulap Vilaysack 22:26
Yes.
Steffie Baik 22:27
Were you always like, this? Is this because you have it’s because I have some wealth, you know, like, did you always, what? Did you always have wealth in the past? So were you doing this back then? Or were you doing are you just doing.
Kulap Vilaysack 22:37
Well, I’ve always spent more than my means, regardless of my means now my means are are large, but because I work so much service, because I was a server in my mom’s restaurant at 11, because I’ve always had jobs like this, and I know what it’s like to have like a goose egg and clean a room and get nothing for what I’ve done like, I just, unless they’re, unfortunately, unless they’re really, really bad, they’re gonna get 20% from me. Do you also karmically feel like it’s, you know, like I don’t put money, I don’t have an altar to put money on. I don’t go to the temple to give, you know, alms. But in my small way, you know, like.
Steffie Baik 23:22
Comedians get tips like, when you guys do stand up, do you guys get tipped by people?
Fumi Abe 23:27
Actually, when I did the show in Dallas, one guy just gave me a 20.
Kulap Vilaysack 23:31
Oh, really? That’s really nice.
Steffie Baik 23:34
Throw it?
Fumi Abe 23:34
Took a picture with me, and he’s like, Hey, keep this and he gave me a 20. That was really nice, I’ve never […]
Steffie Baik 23:41
You guys start making it seem like, you guys […]
Kulap Vilaysack 23:43
You should ask, like, hey guys make it rain, like people to come.
Fumi Abe 23:50
And they do this thing. Go pay what you want, so I’ll sell stickers that cost me 30 cents to make, but I’m gonna pay what you want, and people be like, $1. No, because people want to give you stuff. You know, that’s what I heard. I haven’t done it, but I, you know, I’m trying to get on that merch game. But, yeah, actually, you know, we’ve been talking for too long. […] If you’re wondering who this generous white whale tipper is, this number one customer at fucking Zynga, whatever gaming company makes that game she’s talking about, probably.
Kulap Vilaysack 24:25
Candy Crush.
Fumi Abe 24:26
Candy Crush, our guest today is a comedian, actress, generous tipper, co host of the Add To Cart podcast. It’s Kulap VIlaysack everybody. Thanks for coming on the pod, sorry for the late, late, late introduction.
Kulap Vilaysack 24:42
No, I mean, we jumped into it.
Fumi Abe 24:44
Jumped into it.
Kulap Vilaysack 24:44
We deep dived immediately.
Fumi Abe 24:46
And we deep dive. And I gotta say, I felt like we were friends. I don’t know if we are anymore, because you’ve learned about my bad, bad tipping behavior.
Kulap Vilaysack 24:54
I’m still it’s just something, you know, I think all relationships and even just life is the sum of all parts. Now that was a subtraction. That was a subtraction, but like, you know, I still really like you.
Steffie Baik 25:08
How can he make it? What would you do? You need him to tip? What if he was would you prefer him to be a bad tipper than not a tipper at all? What if he found out that he paid, oh, really, like a 10% or something?
Kulap Vilaysack 25:20
Oh, god, you’re right.
Steffie Baik 25:21
You know what I mean, if you found out that he was a 10% tipper, that is so then you seem shy. That’s almost like it takes you to sheisty levels. Can I use that word? Is that, okay? It’s a versus you not even being like, it’s like, absurd. What you do is absurd, but like, at the point of 10% now you’re just like, rude.
Fumi Abe 25:39
But do you guys think that there’s a appropriate time for 10% because I do.
Steffie Baik 25:43
If it’s more to if.
Fumi Abe 25:47
I go to Subway sandwiches, yes, and they make a fucking sandwich and they fucking flip the iPad, it’s 10 – 15, 20. Like, I’m not giving you a 20% tip for making a fucking sandwich.
Steffie Baik 25:56
I think 10% to me, would mean like you are actually making a point to be like, I don’t like you. Like to be like, I could see myself as aggressive. It’s an aggressive, even more so than 0% because 0% to me presented, means like, you’re not, no, no, you’re not the type of person.
Fumi Abe 26:17
It’s not personal.
Steffie Baik 26:18
It’s less personal. You’re still an asshole. You’re still an asshole, but you’re not. It’s not personal, if it was 10% I’d be like, I’m sending a sign. You’re sent a sign that […]
Kulap Vilaysack 26:27
But if it’s if you’re like, let’s say a waiter at PF Chang’s in Burbank and the lunch, you know, like lunch rush, you’re just like, whatever. I can’t take this personality. Let, let’s hope that 10% adds up and someone gives me 20 at least it’s money in the in the sum of things, right? Where like zero is just like zero. You just wasted your time, and I made you the special sauce with all three sauces, and you gave me nothing.
Fumi Abe 26:53
Have to tip so and correct me if I’m wrong. My logic for tipping is so when I worked in restaurants, I don’t know if it’s a way anymore. Back in the day, waiters and bartenders, their hourly rage wage was like three $4 because they were expected to get tipped, so because their hourly wage is $3 I’m going to tip you 20% because that because you’re because you’re not getting paid a lot, right? But if I’m at a fucking Subway sandwiches or whatever, your hourly wage is, $20 or $3 or whatever the minimum is, now I’m like, okay, well.
Kulap Vilaysack 27:26
But aren’t you accounting for inflation and how much more things are these days, and back.
Fumi Abe 27:30
I was taught tipping as like, maybe I was just taught it wrong. I was taught that you tip restaurants those guys because they’re not make their out their hourly wage is low on purpose, because they’re gonna get tipped, so you have to tip. So that’s how I thought of it. And so it’s like, I’m not gonna, I mean to me, sometimes it’s like, if you’re gonna ask me to tip for a Subway sandwich guy.
Kulap Vilaysack 27:54
Who’s making artists.
Fumi Abe 27:57
It’s like, well, okay, I used to work in marketing. Am I supposed to get fucking tipped to every time I give a fucking tip to every time I give a fucking presentation. Like, you know what I mean? Like, where does it end? You know what I’m saying? Like, that’s, that’s sort of like, you already make a salary. You already make a salary, okay?
Kulap Vilaysack 28:12
Marketing, yes, you want a salary. The sandwich or teased getting.
Fumi Abe 28:18
But they’re not making $4, right? That’s the difference to me is.
Kulap Vilaysack 28:24
$4 is child labor in Asia.
Fumi Abe 28:26
But, like, at least in New York, that’s the way they did it. Bartenders made like, 4 or $5 but because they made a tip.
Steffie Baik 28:32
Actually, the this, the guys are making like, $30 an hour. Like every did you hear about that rate the fast food chains have to pay employees in California. I think it was $30 $24, $30 to $30 an hour.
Kulap Vilaysack 28:45
They’ve raised. They definitely raised.
Speaker 3 28:47
$24 to $30 which is more than we’re both making.
Kulap Vilaysack 28:51
I think that’s also the issues overall.
Fumi Abe 28:53
Freelancers making a quarter mil.
Kulap Vilaysack 29:00
At Cornyn.
Fumi Abe 29:01
I did, I was I was tipping, but now I am not.
Kulap Vilaysack 29:05
Well, that’s also okay. Yeah, it should.
Fumi Abe 29:08
But it’s like, it’s hard because they don’t know what my situation is either.
Kulap Vilaysack 29:12
Yeah, and that’s why you need to be vocal, much like the woman from Nigeria, pardon, if that’s not the country she was from, she is from Nigeria, then you need, as you sit down in Uber you need to […] I think you start it as you’re entering so that you.
Fumi Abe 29:34
That is so funny.
Kulap Vilaysack 29:39
They can’t even calibrate what’s happening. You’re already, you have dropped them in, in the middle, yes, yeah, I was working at Cornyn, but now.
Fumi Abe 29:48
Nothing, and it’s like, I can’t even go back to my old job, because time has passed, and I’m not, I’m not young anymore.
Kulap Vilaysack 29:54
You know? And like, yeah, I lived in New York, which is expensive, but now in LA people have time LA. Is just go through.
Fumi Abe 30:02
Absolute genius, and that’s the solution, right there. You gotta do you gotta have your own sob story ready.
Steffie Baik 30:06
If you don’t, you should get a better serve. You should, like, try service jobs like, now in your life, maybe it’ll make you think differently.
Fumi Abe 30:15
I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying about waiters. Waiters are supposed to get tipped. They’re supposed to get tipped. So I tip them.
Steffie Baik 30:22
Yes.
Fumi Abe 30:23
Because they make a low hourly wage compared to other people. That is the math.
Kulap Vilaysack 30:27
But Uber, they don’t make a lot.
Fumi Abe 30:29
I don’t know Uber is tricky. Uber, I think I’m guilty with Uber, for sure, but I’m talking about that.
Kulap Vilaysack 30:36
I love to hear that. You know, like, we’re going up.
Fumi Abe 30:39
Even when you go to Panera Bread. They’re like, tip and I’m like.
Kulap Vilaysack 30:43
You’re going up in my you admitted it.
Fumi Abe 30:46
Bookstore, they didn’t tip us. Being the cashier, why do I gotta fucking tip you? If you’re fucking tip […]
Steffie Baik 30:57
Drivers, keep 75% of the fair price of Uber, and Uber takes 25% around average. That’s the […] Okay.
Kulap Vilaysack 31:12
All right, you guys, I’m learning things.
Fumi Abe 31:14
Well, we don’t want to know [….] so guys like me, don’t you know I’m saying, if people complain on a tip and I just be like, I sell your Instagram. Check on Instagram. I plug you, she be tippin so […]
Kulap Vilaysack 33:24
Yeah, like, sorry you got me, but check it @iamkulap. It would raise my star meter.
Fumi Abe 33:33
100% I’m DVP […]
Steffie Baik 35:00
That’ll change, by the way, as you get more famous, you’re gonna want you’re gonna have to start tipping, because they’re gonna otherwise […]
Kulap Vilaysack 35:10
Yeah, Zach Dubois is gonna talk about for me.
Fumi Abe 35:14
I feel like there’s a lot of celebrities that may not tip as generous as you think. I don’t, and I know this because, well, I have a couple friends who work at the Comedy Store as like door guys, and as a door guy, you have to park the comedian’s cars, and the cars you’re parking are the people like Bobby Lee’s Bill Barber, Joe Rogan, right? So, Joe Rogan, apparently he would tip $100 every time to the door guy, because that guy’s a millionaire, and he’s like, I know what it’s like to see […] Spotify money baby, exactly. But I heard a lot of other people like, don’t even tip.
Steffie Baik 35:45
I know, Bobby tips a lot, like, $100 and stuff, he’s a big.
Fumi Abe 35:48
Yeah I don’t know what his, you know, I think he tips a lot generously, like in all over, you know, not just at the comments, I’ve heard that, but from they didn’t tell me names, but they’re like, some of the other comedians who are, like, pretty big.
Kulap Vilaysack 36:00
I think it’s funny that even though you’re mic-ed, your voice immediately kind of got a little hushed.
Fumi Abe 36:11
I think with comedians, it’s hard, because even if you get famous, you still remember what it’s like to have nothing, and it feels like you could just end up theirs at any time.
Kulap Vilaysack 36:21
Well, that’s that, what is, what fuels my tipping.
Fumi Abe 36:25
It’s that?
Kulap Vilaysack 36:26
Yeah.
Fumi Abe 36:26
That feeling that not fuel it because you’re like, I could just, I need to save this because I.
Kulap Vilaysack 36:31
That’s interesting.
Fumi Abe 36:32
That’s where I’m coming from, scarcity of like, yes I worked at cordon for a year and a half, but now I have nothing, and now I have to say, live off this money, you know.
Kulap Vilaysack 36:39
That’s so interesting, because then I guess I’m doing it in a way of just like, oh, that someone in the future will give me money, huh? Yeah.
Fumi Abe 36:46
Karma thing.
Kulap Vilaysack 36:47
I guess so, and I know I said, I stated this earlier, but I’m like, kind of getting into the layers of this belief with you.
Fumi Abe 36:53
Yeah, I’m converting.
Steffie Baik 36:55
Wait, do you tip people who are not as good to you? Like, what if they’re rude to you? How, what do you do then.
Kulap Vilaysack 37:01
Oh, if they’re rude, rude.
Steffie Baik 37:02
Like, actually rude. And they, like, are short with you, they don’t, they’re not really paying attention, I don’t know, something like that.
Kulap Vilaysack 37:09
They have to be pretty bad for me not to tap, like, at all it before.
Fumi Abe 37:13
The other like, a racial slur. You’ll still do 10% that’s pretty good.
Steffie Baik 37:16
See, I have to do it. I can’t, it’s so hard […]
Kulap Vilaysack 37:19
It would be really hard for me. And usually what I’ve never really had rudeness. It’s like somebody who just made me drop the ball, they were good at the beginning and not good at the end, or somebody who just was careless, or, like, just not paying attention. It would still be a little bit, maybe full 20, I don’t know, but even then I’m like, maybe they’re having a bad day.
Steffie Baik 37:42
Crazy.
Fumi Abe 37:44
Empathy, well.
Steffie Baik 37:46
I feel like it’s the karma thing. Is a big thing for me to feel guilt if I don’t tip. So it’s like something will happen to me if I don’t tip.
Fumi Abe 37:57
How do you feel when you’re in Japan and there’s no tipping?
Kulap Vilaysack 37:59
I don’t feel because that’s the rule.
Steffie Baik 38:02
That’s why everybody loves Japan.
Kulap Vilaysack 38:05
Italy, too they don’t tip, like certain places in Europe, you just don’t, yeah, and that’s part of it, and you don’t, that’s the rule. So there’s no karma, there’s so I’m like, okay, if nobody’s doing that.
Steffie Baik 38:15
So funny in Mexico, I went to a coffee shop, and it was like, when I first got there, so I didn’t really know about the tipping. I assumed it was 15 to 20% so I gave the coffee, came out to, like, $6 or whatever, and I sat at the place for like an hour, like writing, journaling, and then he brings out the little machine, and he’s like, oh, a percentage. He’s like, he immediately said 20% and I was like, oh no, 15, he laughed at me. He literally have to, I think it was so little, because, like, what is 20% of six? I don’t know, $6.
Fumi Abe 38:46
Does it make a difference?
Steffie Baik 38:47
Yeah like.
Fumi Abe 38:48
Talking sense.
Steffie Baik 38:48
Yeah, and I think, as an American at this, like, nice cafe, he literally laughed on me, and I felt guilty, and I like, I stuck it, I stuck it out with the $15. I was like, and he, because he literally twice that. He’s like 20, I was like, oh no, 15 he’s like 20?He said it again. He was trying to he just probably thought he was like, American girl. She’s got a lot of money.
Fumi Abe 39:13
They’ll try to hustle, hustle.
Steffie Baik 39:15
No, but he’s the only one. No one else ever some other people like they were very grateful it was just him. But it was a nicer place. It was a place that a lot of, I think, non see.
Fumi Abe 39:25
If someone laughed at my tipping.
Kulap Vilaysack 39:32
Okay, so let me now I’m also realizing, guys, I tip more than 20, because what I do is I double the, I double the total, and I move the decimal point. And then oftentimes I’ll round it up to an even number.
Fumi Abe 39:43
That’s including tax that’s more than 20% yeah.
Steffie Baik 39:46
It feels good to tip a lot. It’s like it is for yourself too in many ways. It’s not just for the other person. There’s this enter, there’s this right the karma, you’ll get more.
Kulap Vilaysack 39:59
Look, I live in abundance, and I do receive abundance. And so, you know, pay it forward, somehow, some way. And look, and I am saying this knowing that I can do this.
Fumi Abe 40:11
I mean, you, you say you live in abundance, and you said, it’s your credit card thing.
Kulap Vilaysack 40:17
That’s right.
Fumi Abe 40:17
You weren’t too crazy with it. I felt like, actually, stuff pointed this out. Maybe you do live in abundance. December 8, bellicore, $245.
Kulap Vilaysack 40:26
That was with my mom.
Fumi Abe 40:30
Two people.
Steffie Baik 40:31
I was like, I want to go to a nail because that’s a nail shop and I want to be able to get I was like, she’s getting diamonds and crystals on each finger. Because I should, it’s like, expensive in places like.
Kulap Vilaysack 40:41
Yeah, I was it was so my mom’s from Minnesota, it’s a lot cheaper to do everything in Minnesota. And I watched her, kind of, whenever they would ask for something in addition, like, upsell, she would say yes. And then I was like, Okay. And then, I knew in my head that I was gonna treat her to this and but then she was like, giving them, like, $10 she like, give them, like, five, $10 in cash, was like, no Mom, like, no, because she didn’t see the total yet. She was like, before we leave, and I was like, Mom, no, like, no. Meanwhile, I’m just getting my like, you know, Manny Petty, and I’m just like, watching this happening, knowing she’s like, it’s 40 bucks for everything, that’s what she’s thinking.
Fumi Abe 41:25
Wow.
Kulap Vilaysack 41:26
And it’s like, no more in Mama, like, but that was me and her, and she had, like, gotten like, the like, yes to the paraffin, yes, which is the wax, the wax.
Steffie Baik 41:39
Which I don’t know if it’ll really work. I always wonder if it’s really doing something, I love the experience.
Kulap Vilaysack 41:41
Yeah, it’s warm, it feels nice. I’m sure, is it worth it? I don’t get it.
Steffie Baik 41:50
Like doing something. Is it doing is the wax they so, so say, they pour, they heat up wax, and then they pour it onto your feet, and then they, like, mold it into your feet or hands. And I’ve always wondered if that shit really works. That’s not an extra like $15 or something like that, 10 to $15.
Fumi Abe 42:05
So did your mom flip the fuck out when she saw how much this was? For two of you.
Kulap Vilaysack 42:09
No, because I took care of it.
Fumi Abe 42:12
She didn’t look at the number.
Kulap Vilaysack 42:14
Yeah, I don’t think you show her. You know, here’s the background of me, my mom. It was a, was a, hopefully, was a horrible gambler. And so part of my like, I mean, she just horrible things to the family, horrible issues. You know, she would go to Mystic like casino in Minnesota, where people would know her by her name at the blackjack tables. You know, get the free, free buffet, freaking crab legs, all of that, and then also just cards with her friends and all of that. And so it was a, really a point of contention between her and I, and money has always been this like thing for me because of that, and also my mom, she was always, she was always the breadwinner and always the person in charge of, like, the purse strings. And so she would also just like me. She when I was, like, in my teens, she was opening credit cards in my name, like, she like, just not good stuff and just as I got, you know, has constantly asking me for money constantly, and we’re at a place now where we cannot discuss money. I won’t like, I’ve like, with your parents, well, with my mom, with my parents, I do not talk about money. She’s like, how much is your nanny get paid? I’m like.
Fumi Abe 43:46
Oh, she can’t even ask you something.
Kulap Vilaysack 43:48
I won’t and I won’t even go.
Fumi Abe 43:50
And why, because she’ll use that to be like, oh, so you have money.
Kulap Vilaysack 43:52
Well, she knows I have money.
Fumi Abe 43:54
Right.
Kulap Vilaysack 43:54
But like, I’m at a point now, even though she knows I won’t give it to her, where it’s been such a bad thing that I don’t talk about money.
Fumi Abe 44:03
Wow.
Kulap Vilaysack 44:04
With her, it’s like, but then, like, something recently happened, like maybe three years ago, where she got scammed. She got scammed into thinking, like, Facebook scam. That’s kind of common, apparently, where a friend of a friend contact contacted her that she she won money, that she herself won money, and that she should sign up or do something like that so that she gets money. It was this whole convoluted thing wherein to get the money she needed to go get Target gift cards and Apple gift cards at Target and.
Fumi Abe 44:48
Oh, it’s like the Indian scammer things. I’ve seen those on Tiktok.
Kulap Vilaysack 44:51
And then they were going to, like, give her, like, when I guys, when I saw the text. The text where they’re like, this is your money where can we drop it off when it’s just, like, a, I don’t want to say it’s clip art, because that’s not right, but like, a picture that on the internet of, like, money in a suitcase kind of thing, and she was gonna have it delivered to my house when she was, like, visiting, giving my address money. I mean, like, just this happened pretty recently, like, when I say, like, three years ago, and like, exploded her relationship with my other sister, who she was living with at the time, like, money and my mom. It’s like, it’s a really perilous, spiky path.
Fumi Abe 45:40
Yeah, when did you get the balls to be like, no more? Because, you know, you’ve had a long career in comedy, but I don’t really know, like, at what point, because if it’s if it started so young, I’m guessing, since you said you worked at service interest and stuff, like, you probably didn’t have that much money until a certain point, so you know, up until then, were you still giving her money? Or, like, you had a kind of a toxic thing with that? Or, like.
Kulap Vilaysack 46:05
Yeah, and then, of course, it’s like, you know, somebody who’s a gambler. It’s like, it’s not just like, the the guilt and manipulation. It wasn’t just about the money stuff, but it took for me with a lot of other things. Check out, origin story doc. It’s a documentary, autobiographical documentary I did back in 2019.
Fumi Abe 46:27
I saw it.
Kulap Vilaysack 46:27
Thank you for watching. We have a complicated you know. So it really took for me to like caught her out of my life, which is incredibly tough to do as an Asian person, cut around my life, and I had to totally rewire and like, oh, I don’t have I’m not in charge of her happiness. Like, this is none of this is my fault. I can’t make her happy. I had to do all this work to get to the point where we are now. It took years and years, like, basically all of my 30s, to kind of extract myself from, like, her shit, and I for the extended period of years where we, like, had basically no contact, because I, when I put down a boundary, she would just, like, go, okay, you said that. And then maybe it worked, maybe it wouldn’t, and then I would just go back. We just start back at one so, but now it’s different now, because I just don’t care. And maybe now too well more, yeah, like she that’s exactly right, it’s priorities, the priorities, and it may even before she came, it’s like, I’m just don’t, I don’t look to my parents. I this seems like cold, but it’s true. And if you knew how I grew up, it, would you maybe understand.
Fumi Abe 47:44
Check out the documentaries on Amazon.
Kulap Vilaysack 47:46
When they say this is like, I don’t look for them for approval. I don’t need anything from them. I don’t need and it’s pretty it’s way less complicated. Now, when you’re dealing with my mom, who’s has got a lot of undiagnosed personality disorders or have been diagnosed, and then those diagnoses have been ignored. There has to be a bit of like, keeping things at arm’s reach to be able to have nice Christmases and have her come visit for two months every Christmas and Thanksgiving, you know, like we have to, and that’s nice. It is nice, but it also means, like, we’ll never, like the our level of relationship shant be getting any deeper. It is a nice surface. So when mom goes, how much are you paying your nanny, and I can look at her and laugh and go, I’m not hiring you. You sleep as much as the baby. We can have laughs about it.
Fumi Abe 48:50
Yeah, you’re just fucking, like, judo that’s.
Kulap Vilaysack 48:53
Yeah, you just and I just go, Mom, I’m never, why do you why do you want to know? I just want to know. I’m like, not gonna tell you, mom, not gonna tell you, and it can be here. So it doesn’t just, like, go to, like, places where she’s texting me angry that I’m not giving her money, even though she gave me $2,000 at my wedding back in, 2008 and so that’s owed. Oh, wow. Like, it’s, it’s hardcore guys, so there’s, like, even though, like, on Add to Cart. I’m always talking about things I buy. When you you guys are like, we’re gonna show you bank statements. I was like, triggered, because it’s like,
Fumi Abe 49:30
[…] That’s fine, we could just talk about money, but selling it to us, and this is all goofy shit. You know you’re shopping. It’s pretty it’s pretty tame.
Kulap Vilaysack 49:38
That was for Scott for Christmas. These are a lot of these Christmas presents.
Fumi Abe 49:42
But yeah, I didn’t realize that the reason why you so hesitant was because of this past, and I people. So a lot of people have these, like psychological ties and like emotion things too, with money that kind of prohibit them from doing certain things. So I totally, totally understand that, and thank you for sharing those.
Kulap Vilaysack 49:59
It’s so funny, because I was like, why is like this a thing like, it’s so, you know, and that always comes back to your parents.
Steffie Baik 50:07
It does like, do you feel like she’s gonna watch this? Does she ever watch her? No, because I want to know how much you pay for […] how much nannies are these days, a kid, I was like, dude, these days especially a good I’m assuming you want a good daddy. That’s probably, I don’t even know how to start finally a pair, like.
Fumi Abe 50:36
What is an hourly thing?
Kulap Vilaysack 50:38
It’s an hour. It’s an hour. The way we work is hourly. It’s way more than you think. It’s, uh, it’s shocking.
Fumi Abe 50:46
Yeah, you tip your nanny, though?
Steffie Baik 50:47
Tip my nanny. Like, I remember I had a nanny and she would get, like, I don’t know she actually, my mom did give her, like, bonuses, I felt like during the holidays, because she could have been with the family, but she was with us. They would also, like, they always got, like, clothes and things that, like, if my mom didn’t want them, or she was, she gets, like, yeah, nice things. Like she would give, or she or any when we travel, she’d be like, oh, we got to bring her a gift. Nice. There was always this thing so I’m wondering if.
Kulap Vilaysack 51:17
For me me, they Paloma is just like, now, like, she’s with us Monday through Friday, nine to five. Like, I know her daughter, her daughter, you know, it’s like, there she I asked, I’m asking her to love my daughter when I’m not around. And so I take that so seriously, so it’s like, you know, want to pay her well, and, yeah, like, there’s bonuses, and there’s, you know, Oh, I saw this thing, you know, I think Paloma would like it. Or, you know, like, yeah, you just start to, I trust her like, there’s only, like, the only people I trust my daughter to be with and to give baths and to, you know, feed is like, my husband, my sisters and Paloma.
Fumi Abe 52:02
Like, how old is your kid now?
Kulap Vilaysack 52:04
She’s almost 18 months.
Fumi Abe 52:07
Oh, wow, yeah I remember. I remember that whole journey, man.
Kulap Vilaysack 52:11
And we’ll see, that’s the other piece. It’s like, when you ask, like, how much? I mean, we, I went through IVF for you tried naturally IVF. So many rounds of IVF, my stomach is still, like, riddled with, like, injection scars and stuff. And then we, then I, we finally got her, got Emmy, my daughter, with a surrogate. And that was like, though that was it. That was like, we had one embryo left. I miscarried six times. And yeah, one embryo left. And, like, one shot and my as they say, my geriatric service was, cervix was, um, non viable.
Fumi Abe 52:59
Wow.
Kulap Vilaysack 53:00
I had gotten a surgery to correct a my uterus was like a septum, so like heart shaped I had a heart shaped box. Like that sounds real cute, but it caused problems.
Fumi Abe 53:20
It’s singing and singing RV in there.
Kulap Vilaysack 53:24
Yeah, but it wasn’t filled with chocolate. So they shaved the septum back, but then they took too much out of it, and so my lining didn’t meet at the very top, and so I could try to correct it, but with one, one embryo left, and I tried to get more eggs. And you get older, don’t have as many, you know? And so then I went with the surrogate, and that is Cash Cuties, didn’t put it on that card.
Fumi Abe 53:56
No, I mean, did not put it on.
Steffie Baik 53:59
That card.
Fumi Abe 54:00
You know I this.
Steffie Baik 54:02
That baby is very expensive.
Fumi Abe 54:06
That’s an expensive ass baby.
Steffie Baik 54:07
Oh.
Kulap Vilaysack 54:09
Thank you, she’s so happy, the best, like the best.
Fumi Abe 54:13
Yeah, Emmy’s also a beautiful name.
Kulap Vilaysack 54:15
Emerald.
Fumi Abe 54:16
Emerald.
Kulap Vilaysack 54:16
Yeah.
Fumi Abe 54:17
Is it Emmy for nickname or?
Kulap Vilaysack 54:19
I went, I went EME because just cut the rolled off.
Fumi Abe 54:24
That makes sense. That makes sense, you know, it’s interesting, a lot of my friends are starting to, like, freeze their eggs and stuff, but they all work for tech companies who they’re like, oh, they’ll pay for it, you know, and, and it’s like, the only reason why they can do that. And, you know, I’m kind of, you know, I was, like, privileged. I went to like, NYU interest. I’m surrounded by people who are, like, pretty successful, so they’re all saying shit like that, you know. But I know that that sentence is not a thing that most Americans can just say through 31 oh, moms, go freeze my eggs. No. I mean, I don’t know how much it is, but I’m guessing it’s like, 10s and 1000s of dollars.
Kulap Vilaysack 54:57
I think at the bottom it’s 10. I think, I think it’s more now. I mean, 10 was like three years ago.
Fumi Abe 55:01
And that’s, like, maybe the first round, or whatever. And if you want, that’s one round, yeah, that’s, right, you know what? And you have to freeze it. You have to keep to pay for the freezer, or whatever the fuck you know. And so, like.
Kulap Vilaysack 55:10
There’s a yearly feed.
Fumi Abe 55:12
Yeah, just something I think about.
Kulap Vilaysack 55:13
And there’s embryos too, if you’re gonna, you know, and that’s actually, they say that’s gonna be, you know, if you have that option. That’s, it’s, there’s more viability there, because it’s a fertilized egg and, you know, and when you do that, generally, you get it tested and, you know, you only put yeah. So look, it’s, uh, yeah, it’s definitely something that Republicans should focus on and really say, you know.
Kulap Vilaysack 59:24
But yeah so yes, the nanny. When I my friends who were like, oh, they use these agencies, I was like, oh, let me call these agencies. They were shocked to hear that some agencies were like, we only work with women who are $40 an hour minimum. And I was like, no that’s so high.
Fumi Abe 59:50
Had no […] I guess if you’re doing it every day, that’s 40 times eight times five.
Kulap Vilaysack 59:53
So yeah, I get yeah. I mean, look, that just it blew my mind. And I’m like, who’s in? Because I with an agency you’re also paying like, fees, and they get a percent. I mean, it was all this. And I was like, I was shocked. And like those, you know, I don’t know, 10 years ago, those same friends were like, oh, it started at like, 20 something, you know what? I mean, like, it just and look again, there’s got to be middle, you know. I mean, you know, I know Mel Gibson’s not batting an eye. You know, Al Pacino, new father, is probably not batting an eye of 40. But, like, even with my means, that was a lot. So just like, you know.
Fumi Abe 1:00:30
Do you think about because, you know, you’re surrounded by successful comedians and actions and stuff like that. Not, not everybody, obviously. But I remember, gosh, when I was writing a quarter, one of the writers had was pregnant, and she had a conversation with James, and I think James had been like, if you can afford it, you should do a night nurse. It’ll, like, completely change. And she was like, yeah, you’re gonna fucking pay for that. Like, I’m not paying for that. I remember my boss, when I was in advertising, had a night nurse because he was, like, really busy and shit, not that other people aren’t busy, but he had the means to afford so. And I didn’t even know what the fuck that was.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:01:04
I didn’t know what is I had a night nurse, and it was $40 an hour.
Fumi Abe 1:01:08
Yeah, it’s somebody who stays up with the baby during the night so that they don’t wake you, like, you can sleep through it or whatever. So if you’re like a CEO or whatever, you can just kind of keep working, you know.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:01:17
Just like early days, you know, because those, those early days we had, we had an a nurse for four months, and it was unbelievable being older parents. And I mean, I think especially if you’re nursing, it’s even more you’re it’s more depleted and get, I mentioned had a surrogate, so I wasn’t nursing, but it’s such a luxury, because you can sleep, and you know that somebody’s watching the kid and up with the kid, feeding the kid during the night, knowing, watching the kid so she was there for us from 7pm to 7am.
Steffie Baik 1:01:50
Can you tell us a bit about how surrogacy works, like?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:01:54
Sure.
Steffie Baik 1:01:54
Did you go through like, an eight? Is it an agency as well?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:01:57
Yeah, I went through an agency, and I went through I went through a I hired a consultant, and what that consultant did was, she, she has, she’s been doing this for years, like she’s somebody who has been in this industry for a long time. And what happens is, is that when you go to surrogacy, you kind of, when you pick an agency, you’re sort of locked into that agency. You pay a large fee, and you hope you start to meet with somebody to be even begin that process, and then if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then you’re kind of locked in with this agency so and you hope that they’ve got good surrogates with her, with this consultant, she has all these relationships, so she could get us in to with, like, to the best agencies, the best candidates, and then she was able to kind of be our Advocate with the agency during the entire process. And meaning, because it’s like the agency is thinking about the surrogate, whom they represent, who’s like, who’s your advocate, and then, you know, so it was nice to have her, especially since I was freaked out about it, and it was a lot for me to wrap my head around. And at first, I mean, it was a real heartbreaker. I have come to this complete other place about it. But in the beginning I’m like, what if she wants to keep my baby?
Steffie Baik 1:03:28
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:03:29
Which is like.
Fumi Abe 1:03:30
But they could do that?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:03:31
No, and also they don’t want to, like, they’re in their heads, like, what if she doesn’t take the baby? Like, because what generally is women, you have to have had children before have your own family. And that’s part of it, because you have a proven uterus.
Steffie Baik 1:03:51
Wow.
Fumi Abe 1:03:52
Proven uterus.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:03:52
Proven uterus, a viable, improving uterus.
Steffie Baik 1:03:55
Do you meet them?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:03:56
Yes.
Steffie Baik 1:03:57
Before the.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:03:58
Yes, and we did it in a time of covid, and so it was all zooms and.
Steffie Baik 1:04:06
Well, that’s, yeah, it’s so.
Fumi Abe 1:04:08
This is so fucked up but, like, original, you look at her files, like, what do you.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:04:11
First you get, like.
Fumi Abe 1:04:13
Physical, like.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:04:14
Yeah, like, a file, okay, well, first it’s, like, kind of a file, you know where she’s answering questions. See some pictures, see pictures of her family. You kind of get history. Then you meet you meet her partner usually you meet her partner as well, and talk. And then if you want to move forward, then it’s like putting the money down with that agency, locking in with that agency. Then once that goes through, which is, you know, its own, you’re just signing so much stuff, then she’s going to your doctor, and your doctor is checking and making sure everything’s good, and you’re paying for that. We got to a point with one person. We said yes, and she didn’t want, she had, she wasn’t vaccinated at the time, and she was, she said she was willing to be vaccinated. Then we spend like four grand for her to go through our doctor and do all that stuff. And she was like, you know what? I don’t want to get vaccinated. So then we’re like, well, that’s a no go for us.
Fumi Abe 1:05:21
Did you get that money back? Well, I don’t know if the agency was there to protect both parties in those.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:05:27
Well, then the thing that.
Fumi Abe 1:05:30
Because it has to be some sort of like contract of like, I will do XYZ, and if you don’t meet XYZ.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:05:35
Yeah.
Fumi Abe 1:05:36
Then no go.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:05:37
But you know, this whole covid thing was, I mean, it threw everybody off. I threw everybody off. It was like a yeah, because it was at a time where not everybody. This process takes so long. And so it was like in deep pandemic. And so some people didn’t want to do it, some people, some people were okay to take the first shot, but not the second shot, you know, like so or to get a booster and all these things. And so she, I doubt we’ll ever see a penny like, they were like, we’ll find somebody else for you. And they did, and she was amazing. But then that woman was like, well, when I get selected for somebody else, I’ll pay it back, I don’t think that’s ever coming. I started to keep pushing, but then I don’t think it’s ever gonna come. Because who’s going to I don’t know if she ever found another person too, because that would, you know?
Fumi Abe 1:06:29
I mean, the non vaccinated.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:06:30
Yeah, like, who knows if she ever found another family to go with her? Because, you know.
Steffie Baik 1:06:37
What do you have to pay? What do they Well, how much? Do you know, how much they get paid? And also, like, do you have any control over, like, what they’re eating and these types of things, or do they show you, like, what they’re like? Or do you pay for those things?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:06:51
Yeah, so I could be.
Steffie Baik 1:06:53
I don’t know, I just, you can’t.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:06:55
I mean, like, this is, I have never wanted to have any sort of jurisdiction over another woman’s body. It was such a weird conversation, especially so like, if you move forward with this person now, you’re getting into a legal situation where you’re talking about all of these things. Were you talking about like, you know, you can throw a bunch of stipulations there, only organic, only you know. And if that’s the case, then you are paying for that. You are like, you’re well, you’re paying for most things, not all things, but within this sort of like realm. So wait, so your first question was, like, how much, sorry.
Steffie Baik 1:07:34
Yeah, there’s multiple carrier, Yeah, but how much does the carrier get paid?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:07:38
Okay.
Steffie Baik 1:07:38
You know.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:07:39
And the gestation the gestational carrier.
Fumi Abe 1:07:42
Gestational carrier.
Steffie Baik 1:07:43
Gestational carrier.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:07:44
Yes, and so she, depending on how many times she’s done it, I think when you start, you can get around $40,000 when you start, and then it can go, it usually taps around like she’s had multiple surrogacies. There’s a limit. I think there’s something like six is the limit of pregnancies you can have, but like with your own and, you know? And there’s an age thing too. I’ve heard atop around like 90-100k just her, and then you, as the IP or intended parent, are paying for all, you know, there’s all there’s the agency fee, there’s the legal fees, there’s any, you know, hospital fees. Probably gonna have to get into insurance. You put all this money, like a huge sum, and you put in an escrow account, and we just closed our account maybe two months ago, because once you have that baby, amazing, you get your baby, she’s still recuperating. So you want to make sure you know that the the the gestational carrier, you know, any possible hat, you know?[…] Yeah, guys it’s a lot, and there’s, like, there’s so many, she and you, we went with an agency that we want to make sure a person’s taken care of. So she had, like, allowances for certain things, like allowances for clothes allowances, not like, like, there weren’t, like.
Steffie Baik 1:09:16
Really?
Kulap Vilaysack 1:09:17
Yeah, there’s just a lot. There’s a lot, so it’s a yeah it’s a lot.
Fumi Abe 1:09:23
That’s fascinating.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:09:24
It’s a lot everyone.
Fumi Abe 1:09:26
Holy shit, I don’t think, I mean, people don’t even know half of this shit that not just the financial don’t.
Steffie Baik 1:09:33
Yeah, it sounds really stressful for you.
Fumi Abe 1:09:37
That’s a lot.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:09:38
It was so, so stressful, and I kind of lost my mind. I probably shouldn’t get in well, there was just, like, I just started to kind of freak out about the covid piece too, because, like, I just did my head. There’s just so many things you can’t control. When it’s, it’s, you know, like she you’re carrying my baby, but you have your own family, your own life, but I’m worried, what if your kids go to school and then they covid, then you have covid, and then what are we gonna do? You know, you just, but there’s a limit. And for me, you know, she told me the stuff that she eats, what she you know, I there was for me, I wasn’t gonna be like, you have to use this detergent, and I just could you, I want you to eat well. And I’m like, no, like, but at a certain point I also felt like she knows there’s some things that she’s done this before, and I haven’t.
Fumi Abe 1:10:33
Oh, that’s interesting.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:10:34
You know, like, I can’t. I’ve had to, like, I’ve just the amount of letting go that I had to do.
Fumi Abe 1:10:46
I change you though, like you’re more chill, or just kind of have a better vantage point of things.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:10:52
Yes, and then, now with my daughter, it’s like, I can, you know, she just makes me so present, because, like, with kids, it’s like we’re dealing with the now, and I have always been minority reporting my entire life, there’s three, my entire life and my entire life, and you can do it, but like.
Fumi Abe 1:11:19
I totally.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:11:20
Yeah, it’s like, you just don’t have that much energy. I’ve really, in this year, I’ve really had to learn about, like, limits, like, I cannot carry on.
Fumi Abe 1:11:30
Yes.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:11:31
Which, which is the weird thing, because I joke with my husband that we were two dads, in a way, because we’re, like, waiting for the baby, and it’s weird when it’s happening outside of you. And because, like, she was in Riverside, and it’s not like I wasn’t when she was pregnant, I couldn’t go, I was on I went to one, like, I was able to go to one, like, doctor’s appointment, because it was just hard to go down there, and I couldn’t, really, they wouldn’t allow us to FaceTime or whatever. So there’s, there’s just limitations, but then, like, you know, she’s further away, and it’s hard to get, you know, yeah, but it was just this kind of interesting, you it’s different, it’s different, it was, yeah, and like.
Steffie Baik 1:12:15
Because you don’t want to get too connected to that person either, but she, you are so connected to that person. It’s such a.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:12:21
When we, when the […] man I we went down to Riverside to to wait for the baby, and it took longer than I ever wanted to ever be in Riverside. Come at me oh man, I like the Cheech, I like the Cheech Marin Art Museum. That’s about it, and so I we were there, and then, like we, I just hyper bonded with my surrogate and her husband, like that, sort of, well, certainly during during the labor, which was like, unfortunately, my husband couldn’t be in the room because of covid restrictions, it was the three of us for a lot of time, like he was able to come in and out, but for like, a long stretch of it, Scott had to just wait in the car. So bad, but I was there for the birth like.
Fumi Abe 1:13:28
You’re waiting in the car for your baby to be born is hilarious.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:13:36
It is, I was there, and when she was born, I mean, I felt like such a when the baby was coming, I’m just like, kind of standing and like, I don’t know what to do. It was happening, and then Emmy came out, and it was just like, I looked at her, name’s Eme, and I looked at Eme, and I was like, thank you so much, thank you for, like, well, I can’t you thank you for the like, it was just it had, like, it culminated to that, where, yeah, because I have, like, trust issues and like, oh, you know, I don’t, you know. And then mom, and then to have gone through this with her and like, and her husband and like, to have bonded with them. And it was this amazing gift that, you know, that we shared. It was this beautiful thing that we shared. And the entire time when they would come in, she was like, oh, mom. And she’ll go, that’s a mom. She’d always say, like, you know, and like, like, yeah, like, and it was just this beautiful experience. And it’s like, how I got my daughter, and when you’ve been through the, like, I have how it got to a point where, like, however we get her, and she’s been so worth it every every day, she’s so fucking funny and hilarious. She’s already doing bets like she’s just like, she’s like, I was like, oh, and look, having kids ain’t for everybody, but that kid’s for me. That kid’s mine.
Fumi Abe 1:15:18
I’m gonna start crying.
Steffie Baik 1:15:23
After, before this the only thing I really knew about all this was Baby Mama the movie. Trashy white lady will have your baby, and then they will become your best friend. That’s what I know, damn.
Fumi Abe 1:15:41
That was beautiful. Kulap, thank you so much for sharing everything. This is amazing.
Steffie Baik 1:15:46
We actually […]
Fumi Abe 1:15:52
It was crazy, wow we started with tipping? I want to tip now because of the story, I’m gonna start tipping, Uber, I’m sorry. Holiday Express, I’m sorry I’ll start tipping y’all.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:16:04
I mean, I make okay. I think even small amounts of tip is better […]
Steffie Baik 1:16:13
Immigration.
Fumi Abe 1:16:22
She takes out the mask. She’s the Nigerian couch driver.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:16:29
Pay me any amount that you want.
Steffie Baik 1:16:32
I love the power of motherhood.
Fumi Abe 1:16:34
Yeah, wow, Kulap well, thank you so much for sharing all that we gotta wrap this, but how are listeners where? Because they find you and your work.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:16:46
You can find me watch Add To Cart the podcast I host with SuChin Pak, wherever you get your fine podcasts, wherever you get this fine podcast, and then you can follow me @iamkulap, K, U, L, A, P on Instagram.
Fumi Abe 1:17:01
Check that out, please follow us on all the socials @CashCutiespod. I’m also on there @TheFumiAbe, that’s T, H, E, F, U, M, I, A, B, E.
Steffie Baik 1:17:07
You can find me @baikedguds, B, A, I, K, E, D, G, U, D, S. And my website, Stuffybaik.com and also on my Venmo. Stuffy is hit me up.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:17:16
Also, check out.
Steffie Baik 1:17:23
Yeah.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:17:23
You came on the podcast.
Steffie Baik 1:17:25
Yeah, I was about to say, you got you guys check out the podcast we did on their, Add to Cart.
Fumi Abe 1:17:30
Google it.
Steffie Baik 1:17:31
And her fans were amazing, because they paid for I talked about this jam, I really wanted.
Kulap Vilaysack 1:17:36
Onion Jam.
Steffie Baik 1:17:37
That you’re one of your amazing fans. Hit me up on Venmo and sent me, she’s like, go buy the jam.
Fumi Abe 1:17:43
So, cuties, you gotta return a favor. Put someone into that escrow account, or whatever the fuck. I don’t know how to access it.
Fumi Abe 1:17:51
Please show her some love over there.
Steffie Baik 1:18:36
Some love, man. Shout out to our video producer Nicholas Peters.
Steffie Baik 1:18:43
Account, just like, look, make my tip jar, and it’s that for you to tip other people.
Steffie Baik 1:18:48
So I don’t be an asshole out there. Oh, God, I love that. We want to hear about your spending habits, cuties, so email us at cashcutiespodcast@gmail.com and tell us about your Cash Cuties, moments and financial topics you’d like to hear about us. Send us a voice memo. You know what to do. I think that’s it. We’ll see you guys next week, and until then, spend your money wisely.
Steffie Baik 1:19:31
Or don’t, have fun.
Fumi Abe 1:19:38
Bye.
