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Hoja and Kiki have never shared a conversation this intimate. On this episode of Good Sex from Lemonada Media, the two mine their sexual pasts to figure out who owes them apologies, and why they both prefer lovers who are a little rough around the edges. Plus, Kiki compares the dating scenes of NY and LA and Hoja helps her confront the shame that can accompany a dry spell.

Good sex is all about good communication. And we believe honest conversations are the best way to get there. That’s why we’ve asked duos of all types to open up to each other – no host! – about pleasure, intimacy and what turns them on. Listen to hear intimate chats, sexual revelations and playful moments between friends, lovers and everyone in between. Search Good Sex wherever you get your podcasts to hear more.

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Transcript

Kiki Monique  00:01

I literally had to physically keep men and boys at bay like at all costs, right just to like, retain my virtue and it was like normal. Hi, I’m Kiki Monique. My pronouns are she/her.

Hoja Lopez  00:23

Hi, my name is Ohan Lopez, my pronouns are she her, and you are listening to GOOD SEX. Kiki and I, we host a podcast together on Lemonada Media called I’M SORRY. And it’s a podcast about apologies and about big kind of pop culture gaffes. And so we honestly talk about other people, we really don’t talk very much about ourselves.

Kiki Monique  00:54

Yeah, I mean, I feel like I talk about sex a lot with like, the people I don’t see virtually, like the people I see in real life. But we have never talked about sex. And I, you know, it’s normal for coworkers. So if your coworkers with somebody, it’s normal not to talk about sex, but, you know, we’re more than just coworkers. So I think it’s time it’s time for this.

Hoja Lopez  01:19

Definitely time. I tend to be kind of like very, like fiercely private about my relationships. I mean, I definitely grew up a highly Catholic and a place that very much in Venezuela, people were like, if you’re not a virgin, you’re never gonna get married, you’ll never amount to anything. And there was a lot of slut shaming for me growing up for sure.

Kiki Monique  01:43

I would say growing up, I grew up in a around friends who we always said like, we’re going to, like stay virgins. We’re married. We said that until about eighth grade. And then high school came along.

Hoja Lopez  01:58

When the real hormones started booking your age their head, we were kind of we went back on this promise. Right?

Kiki Monique  02:05

Exactly. So then it was like, it was like a whole it was a whole different thing.

Hoja Lopez  02:10

Yeah. I mean, do you remember what your body felt like in that moment? Like physically? I remember, like, the levels of like horniness and flushed that my body went through when I was like, 14-15. I mean, Kiki, I swear to God, this is the first time I ever remember feeling shame. But I was like, 11 years old. And I like screamed at my best friend Natalie. And I was like, Natalie, you have to check this out. And then I went over to a table corner and rubbed my vagina on the table corner. Have you seen any, check this shit out. And Natalie’s face turned over to me in a in just like the most horrifying face that I have. And I was like, I’ve done something wrong. I fucked up and I don’t know what it is. Because nobody ever told me that you weren’t supposed to publicly rub your vagina on a corner of a table. But Natalie Freud had apparently learned that lesson. It just this age is so bizarre.

Kiki Monique  03:12

I didn’t know that was a lesson that we had to teach the kids.

Hoja Lopez  03:14

Yeah, a lot of things out there, you actually have to teach 100% of things. We don’t naturally just learn by seeing because I have never observed a person do what I did in that moment. Because that’s not appropriate. So another question for you. So is there anyone in your sexual history that you need to apologize to or somebody that you would like an apology for?

Kiki Monique  03:45

Well, every man owes me an apology from the time I probably started nabbing. Because they were, you know

Hoja Lopez  03:54

I’m fucking annoying.

Kiki Monique  03:56

Like, I dated this one guy, I don’t even know. I don’t even know why I liked him so much. Like, you know, how you just sometimes you just like someone. And you know, they’re like, you know, their bad news as you are actively in that relationship with them. And I can’t even call it a relationship because it was like he ever took me out. And I felt like we only had sex in the back of my car. It was just a weird summer fling. And he still lived with his parents because we were young and yeah, he never took me anywhere. And so it was like, we would just like hang out and then like, have sex in the back of my car, you know, and it was like..

Hoja Lopez  04:38

This is wrong. I took a truly just don’t believe there’s a comfortable way unless you have like a you know, like a 2001 Odyssey. I don’t know why that specific car. Well, it’s maybe because I have had sex inside of a 2001 Odyssey but that’s neither here nor there.

Kiki Monique  04:54

I mean, I’m truly if I mean, me and my current state I trying to envision myself having sex in the back of my car there would be some gymnastics involved. And so it does remind me of a thinner and more flexible time in my life.

Hoja Lopez  05:11

Even that even as a teenager, I was like, it’s not right in here. I’m getting like, you know, weird hard edges and all of my soft bits. This is not okay.

Kiki Monique  05:21

Who owes you an apology? Or do who do you owe apology to?

Hoja Lopez  05:25

I’ll say his initials are RP, we, you know, when you’re young, you don’t have a place to go. Like, famously, there is no place where you can fool around, unless it’s like your parents are out of town, or you’re in some kind of car or whatever. And so we ended up like, making out on like, in his driveway in the pitch black darkness, or whatever. And we’re like, on the ground of where cars are usually parked right outside of his house. And he’s sort of like, starts mumbling or whatever. And he starts talking about, I don’t know, some girl that he’s still like, in love with and starts fully kind of like crying a little bit in the middle of this makeout. And it was like a hot and heavy session, I was really into this dude. And he starts sort of mumbling and crying about his ex-girlfriend and, and sort of like, kind of like separates from thus hot and heavy session, I have one boob out. So I just sort of like gently plopped my single breast back into, like, I took the tit in, and I just kind of like sit there and just sort of like listen to RPE I’m not even joking for like, 45 minutes. But yeah, don’t do that to people. I feel like if you’re in the middle of a hot and heavy session, either you say hi, I need to stop and you need to go. But you can’t now rely on me emotionally when I’m on horned up.

Kiki Monique  06:48

No, when there’s a titty out.

Hoja Lopez  06:51

I’m in a vulnerable state. I get a lot of glimpses into your life through the podcast and I want to know like what is your type and why? Because I do have like kind of a little bit of an idea. But I want more.

Kiki Monique  07:08

I don’t know if I have a type but what I will say is look do I love a guy with like an accent who has a shaved head and tattoos? Absolutely. Do I love you know, a guy who I won’t say uncouth, but like pretty rough around the edges. Yeah, like that’s my type.

Hoja Lopez  07:30

What is it about like the rough around the edges that gets your shit going?

Kiki Monique  07:36

I think it’s just what I grew up with. It’s the boys that I grew up around. And like it was the boys I was attracted to. And so I just never outgrew them. Because one, they were terrible. Like, they were awful boyfriends. They were awful. Like in general. And because they were just so shitty. I of course am like more attracted to them. It’s terrible. I’m not saying that I’ve grown up. I’ve had better tastes like I’ve learned lessons I have, but it hasn’t changed my attraction level.

Hoja Lopez  08:10

Yeah, there’s something about that type. In particular, I would say I’ve got kind of two types. I have like a type for kind of like boys are like, where I and I agree. It’s very informed by like my teenage years, which is like, kind of short Hispanic guys that look a little nerdy. And especially like, oh man, if I see like a Venezuelan guy who was really into soccer, who looks like he would make fun of me. I’m like, I immediately have a boner. I’m like, Oh, damn, this boy is really gonna wreck my heart and also, you know, so I would say that’s my one type on boys. I tend to like really androgynous, like women or lesbians or even non-binary people? Because I would I like kind of like your type sort of what you’re describing in like, the men that you like, is what I like in women are non-binary people like a little edge. Some tattoos, a pompadour, some good hair, some great style. And a little bit of teasing, you know, just a little game.

Kiki Monique  09:25

That like yeah, like between male and female, there’s just like a difference and like what you want from each of them. That’s interesting.

Hoja Lopez  09:32

It’s a Yeah, it’s wild to me because types are the I call it kind of like kink origin stories in some ways. And I always wonder about like kink or attraction origin stories, like there’s this moment in my life that I envisioned like a fork in the road where I was like, I envision myself like just sort of like walking through a mall or whatever. And I just see like this one guy in a striped shirt when I was nine years old, with like a drip of sweat coming down as his face and like a Nick Carter, you know, like blonde middle part hairdo and I just got like horny for it for the very first time and somehow that like imprinted in my life. And now I see a guy that looks like that and that’s my kink like how do they start? You know what I mean? But I would say yeah, your kink origin story is all those bad boys in high school.

Kiki Monique  10:23

Love them.

Hoja Lopez  10:33

Do you have like a kink? Is there something like specific that you’re like?

Kiki Monique  10:42

I don’t think anything in particular because I feel like with every guy something new gets unlocked because they like to try different things and then I made discover oh, I like doing that with you know certain people one thing I will tell you I will never be into I know what is never going to be my king. Do not touch my ears do not stick a tongue in my ear do not like licking ear. I just thinking about it. Like it makes me gives me Oh god, I just can’t just stay away from keep your tongue out my ear.

Hoja Lopez  11:30

I’ll call it ear lick, like this is I love it, that I love it. And then I love is like if people tickle my ribs, girl, I’m gone. My air balloon is off in the skies. Oh my god, that’s so interesting. And again, like, the reason why so many of these conversations are like, you have to talk to your person, you have to talk to people. Because like, literally, you can have a move or a kink. And if you do that exact move on me, I would be like, yes, honey, but if somebody does that move on you, you would run a million fucking motion.

Kiki Monique  12:05

Biting nipples because I have big boobs. Like, men love to like, you know, be all in it. And I’m like, Just do not bite my nipples. I will literally will punch you.

Hoja Lopez  12:21

So this is a disclaimer. So for a really long time, I think maybe like from ages like 22 to like, maybe 26 or something like that. 27 I literally I had no sex and didn’t sleep with anyone. But there’s like certain areas of my life that I haven’t fully like, unpacked as to like, why I was doing or not doing certain things. But like, have you ever gone through like a dry spell? Because I don’t really talk about it very often. But do you? Have you ever gone like just a very long period of time without having sex?

Kiki Monique  12:59

I’m in my first one now, when I moved to LA, it was in the middle of COVID. I mean, we’re always in the middle of Covid, you know. And so I one wanted to hang out with people and they were weird about their bubbles. And so like I you know, I felt weird.

Hoja Lopez  13:20

They were weird about their dicks.

Kiki Monique  13:25

I felt like, I couldn’t really meet strangers and then try to go hang out with my friends. So that sort of like, kept that. And then while I was here, I was just so focused on my career. And I’m one of those people that I can’t like separate like, when things if I don’t feel good about myself, career wise, and like, it really does translate to so many other things because I just like I don’t know, I’m very career focused and just wanting to like, be rich and like all those things. And so, because I’m just in this new place and doing these new things, I don’t even feel sexy to myself, because I’m like, I feel like I’m on the struggle bus like so much. And so I don’t like I just I turned it off. I was like I would go on dating apps just to like know that I was still wanted. People wanted to meet up with me and then I would just like go to them and be like I’m not talking to you anymore. That combined with like now monkeypox between these two things. I am like I you know what my vibrator is perfectly fine. And I have sex with it all the time. And that is what I need right now. Because I was like, I’m realizing I’m doing this because other people will think it’s weird if I’m not having sex. I don’t feel weird about the fact that I’m gonna having sex. So why am I doing this for other people so they don’t think I’m weird.

Hoja Lopez  14:58

Yeah, that’s a great point. I definitely felt weird, like when I was not having sex like, and I think that I totally let myself be sort of taken over by the idea of like, I’m not having sex, I still haven’t had sex. And it’s been so long. And now it’s been a year and oh my god, it’s been two years. And there is this feeling of like, there’s something like wrong with you or something. Like, I don’t know exactly what it is. But I think it like you start adding layers of like, weird shame on top of it, versus, like dispelling. So I’m so glad that you’re not like that you’re not caught up in that, because there’s definitely, I mean, it took like therapy and like, a lot of thinking for me to get back into a place where it’s like, you know what, I’m just gonna put myself out there, and I’m just gonna keep putting myself out there. And then, very soon after, like, my mindset changed, I feel like I like it wasn’t even like, I went and had sex. I just, like started being more open to the possibility and then it sort of naturally happened.

Kiki Monique  15:55

You know, I do think a lot about like, there’s going to come in time in life when the last time you had sex is the last time, right? What if you don’t know when that is? And like, I don’t think I’m there yet. I don’t think the last time sex is gonna be the last I had sex. I think there’s plenty of sex that and I just like, it’s just not it for the first time. It’s just not something I think about. And it’s not something that’s driving me and I’m almost closed off to it because I just want to focus on other things.

Hoja Lopez  16:32

So question for you. Because you moved from New York to Los Angeles. do you like feel any difference in like, dating between New York and LA?

Kiki Monique  16:41

Well, I think most of my time in New York, I was in long term relationship. So I feel like my dating was a lot different. Like it was very sporadic. I didn’t do much of it. In the beginning, I had a lot of sex, and then I met you know, and it was like, and then it was like, and then it was like a lot of sex. I don’t know if I did like a lot of dating. It was like relationships or sex. Part of the reason I am in this sort of like, not wanting to just hook up with people is because I also think I’ve grown and really come into my own self of what I deserve. And like sort of like the sort of fuckboys that I would have put I put up with in New York actually wouldn’t put up with now. And so when they come around, I just like I’m like you don’t deserve this. I can’t even no matter how much I just want to have sex. I don’t think that you deserve to be the one that gives it to me.

Hoja Lopez  17:36

Girl, you are giving me high dominatrix vibes you are giving me. You are giving me you little weasel like you are giving me I like this Kiki vibe. The way that I think of you is kind of like that almost. I’m like, I feel like you’re a power bitch and you’re very like strong and your opinions. And I could I don’t know, I can kind of see that.

Kiki Monique  17:58

No, I would love that. I would absolutely pick that on as a career. I’ve always wanted to be a madame I’ve always wanted to run like a brothel and be a madame and just like making sure all my all my girls were taken care of and running stuff.

Hoja Lopez  18:16

I’m excited. I think that if you did decide to be dominatrix or madam I would fully support you.

Kiki Monique  18:26

Thanks so much for listening. You can find Hoja and I on I’M SORRY, anywhere you get your podcasts. You can also follow us on Instagram at I’m sorry underscore podcast.

Hoja Lopez  18:38

Thank you for having us.

CREDITS 18:45

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. The show was produced by Kegan Zema and Dani Matias our supervising producer is Xorje Olivares. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad and APM music. If you like GOOD SEX, please rate and review us. Listen and follow for new episodes each week, wherever you’re listening right now. And if you want more good sex, subscribe to Lemonada Premium for some quickies additional conversations between our guests only on Apple podcasts.