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Description

Whether through naughty texts, hair-grabbing, or even the occasional role-playing fantasy, Lynne and Ruth’s sex life continues to fuel their decade-long relationship.

 

As expected, Good Sex contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

 

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Ruth, Claire Jones, Lynne

Claire Jones  00:00

Hello, everyone, I am one of the producers of the show just popping in to tell you that we want to open things up a little bit between us for the next season, we want to feature you and your partner, or maybe your partners in Season 3 of GOOD SEX, real people talking about real sex together on the mic. If you’re down, call us at 833-453-6662 and leave us a voicemail. If that’s not your thing, maybe it’s your friend’s thing. So tell them about it. Okay, on to the episode.

Ruth 

I can tell you about the first second that I saw her like for real, I remember it. We met in graduate school.

Lynne

When we first met you were so called Kay.

Ruth 

I saw her standing outside of our little class building that we were meeting in.

Lynne

And I just I find that to be very attract.

Ruth 

Her hair was like radiant in the sunshine.

Lynne 

I had a big intellectual crush on her.

Ruth

Also, I thought that she looked really great in the corduroys that she was wearing.

Lynne

And I was coming out of this sort of not happy relationship.

Ruth 

I just was like, who is that person like that person is someone I really want to know.

Lynne 

And she sort of was coming out of a relationship towards the end of grad school too. So we sort of like support each other through that.

Ruth 

And we were classmates and friends and sort of collaborators for a couple years.

Lynne 

I had moved back to Texas from California. And she came out here to visit and just as a friend.

Ruth 

It was sort of like an open secret not secret. Everyone knew that I was hot for Lynne.

Lynne

And we walked into a crowded bar. And she put her hand in the small of my bag. And I swear to God, my knees kind of buckled and I was like what the hell is this? Yeah, that was when things shifted significantly and quickly.

Ruth

Then ended up coming back later, where I was staying there was like a stairway and I was like kind of waiting at the top of the stairway. I remember when she came and then I was like, I’ll just act like you’re hanging out up here. Just like that something that a person would do.

Lynne  02:09

I didn’t know whether or not this was just going to be a one off. And then we would go back to being friends.

Ruth 

Are we just pretending that we’re people hooking up tonight? Or are we like, ourselves going to have sex? She came in the door and really before we got like, out of the doorway. We were kissing.

Lynne 

When I walked in that door and I saw how fucking sexy she looked. I was like, Oh, I’m getting everything.

Ruth

She said like kind of in my ear as we were kissing. She was like, just grabbed my hair. And I was like, okay, this is gonna be great. Then I wasn’t nervous at all. I was like, oh, we’re doing this as our actual selves. Like this is happening. Our friendship is now having sex.

Lynne

Hello there. I’m Lynne.

Ruth

And I’m Ruth and you’re listening to GOOD SEX. We are married.

Lynne

Good sex for me is generous and generative.

Ruth

For me good sex is worth it. always worth it.

Lynne

Okay, what was sex like in the first couple of years? I for sure thought they were going to find our skeletons with our hands inside of one another. We neglected to eat, neglected to drink there was one point where I would was coming so hard that I would give myself a migraine. And we were like totally freaked out. We’re like, oh no, my orgasms now give you migraines. What are we going to do? And then we realize like maybe we should hydrate? Maybe we should drink something other than friggin like it was Sake and like. And like no water, and like six-hour marathon sex. It was just a lot of, yes, a lot of sex.

Lynne  04:15

We’re extremely competitive. So when we were in grad school together, we would be in philosophy class and like Ruth would like slide over her paper, and we’d have like a check plus on it and like, What the fuck is […]. Like, it’s kind of like […]. Did you get a check? That’s good for you. So then the next we’re determined to get it. And that kind of competitiveness has bled over into our sex life. So whenever I would have like, you know, some air shattering totally destroy my subjectivity kind of orgasm. Once I pulled my being back together, I was like, alright, okay, I can do that too.

Ruth

While I had sex I don’t take a personal, right? If I make you a dinner and you’re like, I’m not really in the mood for this, I’m like, oh, nice. I just made this whole dinner and you can’t even eat it. […]. But if we’re having sex, and I’m doing something you’re like, maybe not. I’m like, Okay, what will be better? Like, I don’t know, I don’t feel resentful. I always feel like, well, if something doesn’t feel good, then I don’t want to do it. Whereas I’m like, you know, what would feel great to me is if you would eat that dinner that I just cooked, because I would never think that I’ve had sex. Well, hey, Lynne, where are we talking about the fact that you got super sick and I was dead on his podcast?

Lynne

Yes, we should definitely. You was like, kind of like, changed our sex life dramatically.

Ruth  06:00

Lynne got super sick.

Lynne

Not long into the relationship.

Ruth

And we ended up really like moving in together so that it would be like easier for me to look after her. So that really shifted like the Lynne’s whole relationship to her own body and my relationship to her body.

Lynne

So I had a chronic autoimmune disease that meant that I was in, you know, all over sort of agony and pain and on a ton of drugs. And one of the is a drug that sort of calms down your nerve endings. Which, if you’re trying to have a clitoral orgasm, that’s a real that’s a toughy.

Ruth

We did still have sex for that time that you were sick, but it was..

Lynne

It was hard one. Did you ever think we weren’t gonna have sex? Like it never crossed my mind. No matter how sick I got. I just, it never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t still figure out a way to have sex.

Ruth

I guess not. No.

Lynne

It was just it was such a. It was like a kind of like our […] language, like we had to learn how to relate to each other outside of our sexual chemistry and like relationship. And that’s what the […] gave us the opportunity to do, but it was sort of it never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t be having sex. And I am truly one of the most determined people you’ll ever meet in your life. And I was God Damn, I was gonna get fucked.

Ruth

And then it was like miraculously over. Even like her rheumatologists use words, what is he saying? Astounding, he didn’t say miraculous, but he said astounding and astonishing. Like, it’s unclear. And I just feel proud that Lynne was so sick, and everything was so miserable. And damn it, we had sex.

Lynne  08:01

It shifted our relationship, because then we had to find this other way to be intimate, which made us much better at communication and just like deepened the other part of our relationship. And I think that’s one of the gifts of sort of like queer sex is that nothing’s a given anyway, like, there’s not just a sort of presumed this thing slots into this hole. So you have to have these conversations. And so people don’t really do really good at having this conversation. So then sort of like adapting that to get in, you’re not able bodied, we already had like, a language that we could use to talk about it.

Ruth

I guess I just learned, like, how much of the sex actually doesn’t actually have to involve your body in order for it to be satisfying. It does in the end, right? But a lot of it doesn’t and after that experience of Lynne being so sick, and then when we kind of got back to regular life, it was always still like really fun to like, I would be at work, I could just like send a couple texts. And then just like let those like hours pass of like kind of the things building up and everything. So that was like a great takeaway.

Lynne

You sent me filthy texts. She knows how to head fuck me like in this incredible way. And we had this one story that this one scenario, even when I was on, like Vicodin, like all these steroids, and all these drugs that like dead in your nerves so that you can’t like feel the pain. She would narrate this story of her coming to mow my lawn.

Ruth

It’s a really hot day. I’ve been working all day. This is my last lawn, and I’m really hot. It’s really sweaty, and my boots are like really caked with mud. And I just want to finish this last job and be done for the day. And then I noticed that someone is watching me.

Lynne  10:01

And I bring her a glass of lemonade. And then she asked me to use the bathroom and I follow her in and every time, every time and even, even […] things have been a hectic week, that is money in the bank, over 10 years, the intensity of the sexual desire, the intensity of like, how incredible the sex is, has not waned, like I still get a little weak of its knees, when Ruth puts her hand in the small on my bag, there’s like a muscle memory. So that like, all the all my beds start getting, you know, excited. And so we started this relationship by me saying, I want this, I want this, and I want this and I want this and I can have some more of that. And so we’ve never had a problem with asking for what we want or need or how we want our bodies to be touched or that things can change and move and something that felt great, you know, last week, and you know, it doesn’t feel good now.

Lynne

I love that’s one of my favorite things. Like when we have a moment to say, you know, we’re like, are we gonna have sex? And then we’re like, well, what kind sex you want to have, you know, sweet and gentle? Is it going to be a little bit more? It’s a little bit filthy, like, what do we, you know, what kind of flavor are we going for this evening? And I know I feel incredibly grateful for that. I hope that other people have had to really do because everybody deserves great sex. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX.

Ruth

You did that really good.

Lynne

Thank you very much. That’s my BBC voice.

Ruth

Yeah, that’s really good. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX

CREDITS

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. Produced by Claire Jones and Matthew Simonson. Our supervising producers are Kryssy Pease and Xorje Olivares, and our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad with additional music from APM music. Sound design is by Matthew Simonson. If you like GOOD SEX, the show, not you know, why don’t you rate and review us. Listen and follow for new episodes each week wherever you’re listening right now. Thanks for listening.