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Mala and Diosa, hosts of the Locatora Radio podcast, have spent years talking about sex and relationships on their show. The proud Latinas went from repressed Catholic school girls to informed sexual beings thanks, in part, to 90s MTV. Now no topic is off limits — and, as it turns out, it’s never too hard to get in the mood. They talk about taking tips from their show into the bedroom, developing intimacy with each other, and discovering their dream destinations for vacation sex.

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As expected, Good Sex contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Claire Jones, Diosa, Mala

Mala  00:00

I remember that one time when we recorded an episode of the podcast. But we had put two and two together on air that we had had sex at the same time, like the night before, like, and we were like kind of talking about the fact that wow, what if like, we were penetrated at the exact same time?

Diosa  00:23

Hi, I’m Dioso. And I’m the co-host of Locatora Radio.

Mala  00:27

And my name is Mala. I am also the co-host of legato radio, a radio phonic novella,

Diosa  00:32

Which is just an extra way of saying, a podcast, and you’re listening to good sex.

Diosa  00:45

Mala and I have known each other since our early 20s. I don’t even know what year really, but we started following each other on Twitter, and Instagram, back when I was an undergrad, so I would say probably like 2013. Maybe around that time. And well, the way that I like to really, like capture that moment was that we were on Instagram before the DM existed. And so we were following each other before there was this ability to like really build a friendship online. But we were like engaging with each other in various like small ways, right? We were posting very similar in the in the sense that we were posting like our nails, like the art that we liked, the looks that we that we created that day. And so it created this like very common thread between us that when we met in person for the first time, there was already this level of comfort, even though we didn’t really know each other.

Mala  01:43

Yes, that’s where the friendship sort of started and took off. And then one day, I get a text from Diosa. And she asked me if I want to start a podcast, and I’m usually down for whatever. So I immediately was like, yes, let’s do it. Like didn’t matter what kind of podcasts didn’t matter what the title was the theme. This sounds fun. Let’s do it. And that’s kind of how our working relationship and our creative relationship began. So what would you say if anything, you have learned from our conversations about sex and relationships on the podcast that you have ended up taking into the bedroom.

Diosa  02:29

I think, from the podcast, like, you know, we advocate for like, agency and autonomy, right. But sometimes that can be really hard to model in your own relationships. Even if you believe it, you know, I am someone that is like a recovering people pleaser. And so it’s taken me a long time, in my intimate relationships to be like, this is what I like. And this is what I don’t like, and not feel any shame and not feel embarrassed. And also, if a partner like has a negative reaction, like that’s okay, that’s not my thing that carry with me, but I still have every right to be honest about what I’m into and what I’m not into. And I think like creating the type of intimate relationship, whether with a partner or not, but whomever it is that you’re having sex with, like, being able to have that honesty can be really hard, and can be really scary at times. But it’s also so important. And so I think it came down to this, like, I can talk about this on the podcast, but am I actually doing this in my real life, okay, I need to actually channel this in my real life and not be afraid or feel shame, or anything, I just need to do it. And I think that’s been the biggest takeaway.

Mala  03:44

Love it. Yeah. And I think that talking about sex and sexuality, on air with you, with guests, with listeners, it sort of encouraged me to bring the talking into the bedroom, right, like, include conversation and talking as part of the foreplay and the experience and talking. And communicating is a big part of having a good time, not only for consent, but also for like, guiding one another and learning one another. And so we’re learning about sex by talking about it. And then while you’re having sex, you learn about sex by talking about it. So it’s like this really funny feedback loop. And they really do go hand in hand because then we like, go have the sex and then we come on the podcast and talk about it.

Diosa  04:32

That’s so funny, because, like, similar to that, like what I’ve learned is like, okay, my love languages, one of them is word of affirmation. And guess what, that translates to the bedroom. And I didn’t really think about that until I felt that need that I needed my partner to say like, you feel so good, what you’re doing right now is amazing, you know, and like to really say in those moments, and I realized like that actually is a part of the turn on is because I need that affirmation. all the time, you know that that translates not just to romantic friendship relationships, it’s also in the bedroom. And I agree, like the talking is really important. And I think that that’s a really good jumping off point for my question for you, because growing up, I know in our communities, we didn’t necessarily get any sex ed. And with that, it made us seek out conversations or ask questions to people. So growing up, who did you go to for sex advice, if at all?

Mala  05:39

We’re former Catholic school girls, recovering Catholics, that’s like, it was like nine for me like nine years of Catholicism and abstinence only and we don’t talk about it. We don’t even have health class. It’s religion class. And we’re talking about maintaining our purity for our future husband, and for Jesus Christ, literally, and that’s the class and that’s the language and it’s a decade of that, even between friends, all my friends were other little Catholic school girls. And none of us are talking about this stuff with each other. We’re like, gross. Let’s not even go there. We’re watching Sailor Moon and playing with dolls. And like going to dance class like […] witness, you know what I mean? very sheltered. But I turn on TV. And there’s every music video you could possibly imagine from the 90s. You know, like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, the Spice Girls, Destiny’s Child, NSYNC, like Boyz II Men, the pop culture, MTV TRL music videos like, there was so much sex in it and sexuality and talk of and descriptions of like seduction and flirting and relationships. And that’s my education. And that’s really where I’m learning this stuff is from music and from television and from pop culture. It wasn’t until I got to high school. It was not a religious school. It was like, you know, an unaffiliated school as far as like faith goes, it was an independent school. So we had a proper sex education class, we had a proper health class, but you know, by then I’m 1516 As a sophomore, you know, taking these classes. And I think it’s like, by the time you’re that age, for a lot of us in our communities, it’s like too late, like we needed this info, when we were eight, you know, when we were 10. So that’s then we’re I was able to seek out advice and get questions answered, and things are medically accurate. But how about you?

Diosa  07:41

I didn’t go to anyone because I was a little queer kid. And so I remember that the first time I had sex, I told my friend that I had lost my virginity. And she said, but you didn’t lose your virginity because you had sex with a girl. And so then it became apparent to me like, oh, I actually can’t talk to any of my friends about this, because they’re not having sex with girls. And like, they don’t get it. And it became this, like, just something that I, I would only talk to my, you know, my high school girlfriend at the time, because we were having sex with each other. And we were friends. And that was it. And so it was, it was very isolating in that way, because there was no one that could understand what I was feeling or what I was doing at the time.

Mala  08:31

So, I feel like one of the best types of sex is like vacation sex, or just in a place that’s not your home, not your partner’s home. And I think that the destination can like have a lot to do with the experience. So what is a sex destination that you feel like you absolutely must visit while you still have like a super active libido?

Diosa  08:54

My first thought is like Paris, like the city of love, you have to have sex in Paris. That’s like the first thing I thought of but I also agree that vacation sex there’s just something about it that makes it better. I don’t know if you’re just you feel out of your comfort zone. So it allows you to maybe push boundaries a little bit with consent, of course. Because I know I definitely had like incredible sex when I was in New Orleans like years ago now but I remember that trip distinctly because I think that was probably the first one of the first times my partner and I like really experience like vacation sex and so it’s definitely like something to look forward to in addition to the vacation when you’re traveling with someone you’re also sleeping with. It’s like, oh, this is gonna be good. It’s on I know it.

Mala  09:42

Absolutely. It just like yeah, it gives you a vibe. It gives you an it’s just a whole different context. And then you know, we live at home, very like LA Latina of us. And so you know, it could be hard to really have a good time when you are still at home. So like the vacation sex for us, is a necessity.

Diosa  10:04

This is so true. Because when you are at home or you’re like, you know, a shared house or shared apartment, like there’s a certain noise level you have to maintain, right? And so maybe that is also part of like the sexy part of vacation sex is, well, one, you could be in an Airbnb where no one hears you or two, it doesn’t matter who hears you because you’re not going to see them again. And it’s not your parents listening. So it’s fine.

Mala  10:33

Exactly. It’s fine. It’s fine. Yeah, in that spirit, I will say like, for me, I want to experience like sex at different altitudes, like I want to try like below water like submarine. I want to try like top of a mountain, you know, like those hikers that they like, pin themselves to the side of the mountain and they’re in their little hammock. I’d like to have an experience there. In the future when we’re living on like a space station. Like, you know, extra-terrestrial just I feel like the elevation makes a difference.

Diosa  11:04

You want elevation practice is what I’m hearing.

Mala  11:06

That’s it? Yes, exactly. So we can keep it going. We have to build our stamina.

Diosa  11:11

Your training for your own marathon is what I’m hearing.

Mala  11:15

Yes, we got to get the lung capacity up very important for the future. Yes.

Diosa  11:39

I know I’ve had like issues over the years, whether that be like as a result of birth control, or just like stress, life happens. But has there ever been a time that you’ve struggled sexually, whether that be looking for someone to sleep with, maybe something you’re feeling and dealing with or just performance in general.

Mala  12:12

I don’t think I’ve ever had a performance issue, as I like to say my pussy always works. But what I would say is that sometimes, like, I struggle to find someone who has the same like, I guess was the same sex drive as I do. So, I almost feel like I have sort of scaled back. And I’ve sort of like, I’m like, let me chill. You know, like, I feel like in the past, I’ve been very like sex forward, and very, like, intense when it comes to sex and sexuality. But more recently, I feel like, it’s more enjoyable for me, if I like, have less of it, almost like when you smoke too much weed, you need to keep smoking more so that you can like feel its effect. And if you take a tolerance break, and you give yourself like some time without it, you know, then the next time you smoke like you can really feel it. And so for me, I’m like let me give myself a tolerance break, you know, from boning. And let’s see how I feel. It’s just like, trying to find my rhythm with it again, especially like post pandemic, it’s not post pandemic, but these past two years, like I was single and quarantine and so, you know, my flow and my rhythm, I’m trying to figure it out again, and like, what’s my relationship now? With my own, like sex drive, I guess?

Diosa  13:43

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I feel like post again, not post pandemic, but, you know, after the last two years, I can imagine that there are a lot of people trying to figure out what does sex like look for them? Because like you said, the pandemic is not over. And a lot of people spend time alone. And so, you know, even like, I think exploring, like masturbation or sex toys for the first time, like I feel like that is probably a layer of the pandemic that we haven’t even touched yet. Like, what was it like for people to be quarantining alone, or with a partner? Like, did y’all have sex all the time? Did you have sex like, never like, you know what I mean?

Mala  14:35

In the spirit of this, right, like, maybe in quarantine in the past two years, where we’ve experimented with new things, maybe we’ve had great experiences, maybe some things we’re never going to do ever again. My question for you is what is the best or worst sex that you’ve ever had?

Diosa  14:54

The best sex that I’ve had your eyes and I would say this was not the person. But it was more like the experience. So the, probably one of the best moments that I’ve had is I slept with someone in my early 20s. And it was my first time like, sleeping with a man. And it was, he was just very experienced and made me very comfortable. And it was very much just, were hooking up. And I think like, up until that point, I had only slept with my girlfriends, like I had only had relationship sex. And then even now, like with my partner, like we’ve been together for five years, and so a lot of the sex that I have had has been with partners, but this person in particular, it was like the first time, it was casual. And we weren’t trying to date each other. And I think for that reason alone, made it really good. And it was also the first time that I could show up and say, I’m going to sleep with a man because I don’t want to not because anyone is telling me that I need to and anyone is saying you’re going to change your mind about being a lesbian or your phases over. It’s that I want to experience this because I want to, and I think for that reason alone is what made it like the one of like, the best experiences sexually that I’ve ever had. And, man as far as like the worst. I think anytime you’re with like a one minute, man. That’s like, that is definitely, you know, it’s like, oh, we’re just I thought we were just getting started. But okay, we’re done.

Mala  16:47

We’re wrapping up. Thanks for having me. How is our intimacy different from the intimacy that you share with your partner?

Diosa  17:05

Great question. Easy answer. You and I have a non-judgmental relationship. And what I mean by that is not that my partner is judging me, but I think that there’s always a little at least for me, there’s always a slight fear that I may be judged for anything, you know, and it could be small things, right? My partner is amazing. But there’s this, this understanding that you and I have, where it’s just anything goes, I can say anything. And if I do something, you can also check me it, but it’s in a non-judgmental way. And I think that that’s something that is very different from any of the relationships that I’ve had. I’ve even friendship ones, where this is a partnership where I know like, it’s trusting. It’s like mutual, and it’s non-judgmental, and it’s supportive. And I think that when you’re growing, either professionally or personally, like you can meet people that don’t want you to grow anymore, like they’re comfortable with you staying small. And with you, it’s like oh no, we’re gonna keep growing and growing and growing. And we’re doing it together. And even if we grow in different ways, like there’s still this a deep level of support there.

Mala  18:25

Truly, that is a type of intimacy that really has legs. It is sturdy, it is strong, you know, it’s there. And, you know, so this intimate relationship has outlived every other intimate relationship that I’ve had.

Diosa  18:42

Yeah, I mean, not to put you on the spot or anything but do you remember when you had a certain ex-boyfriend that was a little bit jealous of our relationship?

Mala  18:50

It was a thing he would literally make statements about I don’t know about Diosa and I maybe she likes you and you spent a lot of time with her very jealous very jealous of you and the thing is, is like bro, you can be jealous, but she’s staying I will always I will always choose her like you can be jealous, but you’re gonna be jealous by yourself far away from me.

Diosa  19:10

Same I mean, I agree with you. I haven’t experienced that with my relationship. But you know, if that were to ever be the case, it’s like Mala was here before you because even though my relationship is long term, our relationship is still longer like you and I got six years of being in a relationship you know, and so yeah, this is definitely the one.

Mala  19:32

Yeah, no one can take that from all partners. Current past future you’re on notice. You’re on notice. You can tune in to Locatora Radio or Radiophonic novella wherever you get your podcasts and follow us at look at Locatora_radio on all platforms. Visit our website, locatoraradio.com for more. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX.

CREDITS  20:05

GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. The show was produced by Kegan Zema and Dani Matias our supervising producer is Xorje Olivares. Executive Producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad and APM music. If you like GOOD SEX, please rate and review us. Listen and follow for new episodes each week, wherever you’re listening right now. And if you want more good sex, subscribe to Lemonada Premium for some quickies additional conversations between our guests only on Apple podcasts.