Having the Sex Talk with Your Kids
With everyone at home and around family all day long, chances are high that some awkward conversations may come up. Michael and Pele talk with Cam Poter and KarenLee Poter, hosts of the Sex Talk With My Mom podcast, about having open communication with your kids and family members and tackling those difficult conversations head-on. Listen in for Michael’s elaborate plan for Pele that he’s putting in his will.
[00:31] Today, we’re on with Cam and KarenLee. And they have a podcast, Sex Talk with my Mom. Like, obviously, having the sex talk with your parents is always hard, but they have a podcast and they talk about it quite open.
[00:42] Cam Poter: Our podcast, Sex Talk with my Mom, it’s still extremely awkward. Even five years after doing this.
[00:49] Pele Bennett: I was wondering that. I had told Michael because we’ve been together so long, both of us know each other’s parents really well. And I said, hey, what would be more awkward? You or me talking to our moms about sex, and definitely was both of ours would be awkward. But then it kind of makes me think I’m like, wait we were really young when we had our first child also. And so now I’m like, damn, we should have been having a sex talk when we were that young. You know, as teenagers. So we, like, missed that part.
[01:15] Cam Poter: Yeah. And I mean, at first it was like tough to talk. We thought this podcast would just be fun to do because the origin story is kind of like my mom was dating. She wrote this book called A Cougar’s Guide to Getting Your Ass Back Out There. And then I started using that in my standup comedy. And so eventually I was like, we should just collaborate since we’re both using the same material.
[01:36] KarenLee Poter: We usually ask our guests, have they ever walked in on a parent having sex or vice-versa?
[01:44] Michael Bennett: Yeah, of course.
[01:46] Pele Bennett: I never have. There’s seven of us. And I’ve never walked in on my parents.
[01:53] Michael Bennett: Maybe she don’t remember it because with trauma, a lot of us build up these walls.
[02:04] Pele Bennett: But, I can’t lie. That’s one fear I have now is the girls walking in on us. We have three girls, so I feel like I’d be mortified if they ever walked in on us.
[02:13] Michael Bennett: I’m going to continue.
[02:14] Cam Poter: Do you guys have to, like, be strategic about the time that you guys are having sex, or like the days or like how do you make sure they don’t walk in?
[02:27] Pele Bennett: I don’t think there’s any strategy. I think our oldest also is 13. So I think we’ve had, you know, some time to practice how to be sneaky and when to be sneaky. If anything that’s challenging, it depends where you are.
[02:40] KarenLee Poter: Because you guys travel for sports and everything, right?
[02:43] Pele Bennett: Yeah. So we’re in different homes, different places, you know, depending where you want to be spontaneous, it just depends how clever you are in the moment and in the space. You have to be creative.
[02:51] Michael Bennett: It’s interesting. You guys talk about turning life tragedies into comedies, and I think that’s really hard, especially now with everybody going through this coronavirus. This feels like a dark time, people are losing people. How do you guys find that balance of the humor with all the sadness and darkness and things that are happening now?
[03:09] KarenLee Poter: That’s another good question. You want to take that on Cam?
[03:12] Cam Poter: Yeah. I mean, so I think that, you know, we should tell the listeners, like my dad was murdered, and her husband was murdered, when I was 17. So that was the big tragedy that like, you know, overtook our lives. And we kind of had a choice. Like mom initiated the whole thing by saying like, you know, do you want to tell them about that, like, right afterwards you brought us all together?
[03:35] KarenLee Poter: Yeah, I kind of went into like remote control mama bear mode where I was like, OK, up until that point, we were a really solid, strong family. And I did not want to lose that. You know, we’re very close knit, really proud of each other family of high achievers. And so I just marched everybody into my bedroom. I’m like, listen, this is it. We’re gonna be the same family and nothing’s gonna change. And from then on, it’s like we just learned to communicate. And I think that we managed to get through it through laughter. I mean, yeah, we did.
[04:11] Cam Poter: Yeah. I mean even the hardest times when we were sitting in this trial for the guy that killed him, and like everything is like super serious. Everyone in the jury is like completely dead silent. And then suddenly my younger brother, who is like 11 at the time, rips like the loudest fart that anybody could possibly do out of like this tiny little body.
[04:39] KarenLee Poter: You know, it was perfect timing, too. No one could believe it.
[04:46] Cam Poter: It was unreal. At those moments, you realize just like how that’s the only thing that can really get you through these dark, dark moments. Like you got to laugh at that shit, especially if you’re given the opportunity like that. So, I would say that this Coronavirus is a perfect time to also, like, realize the absurdity of the whole situation. Like we’re walking around with masks on. This is fucking crazy.
[05:09] Pele Bennett: Thank you for sharing this story.
[05:11] Michael Bennett: I always talk about when we argue and stuff, I’m just like, man, like is t possible to ever really move on after losing a partner? Tough question.
[05:24] Pele Bennett: He usually asks me how long are each of us supposed to wait, you know, after one passes to move on, you know, is there a time limit? Is there a year limit? What does that look like?
[05:37] Michael Bennett: I tell her at least five years, five years of just abstinence.
[05:44] KarenLee Poter: Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. That they would go over big. No, you know what it is, like a personal thing. It’s weird because one of my friends lost her husband to cancer, it was like two years of, like, grieving and grieving, and finally he died. And it’s so different than like me, who it was a sudden shock. One day you said, good night and the next morning, I got a call that he is dead. So, you know, it takes some time to get used to the realization that this even happened. Your body just goes into this weird shock mode. So. But then again, there is no right or wrong. Like certain religions, you have to mourn for like a year and wear black and all that kind of shit. And I don’t believe in any of that. I think when you’re ready, you’re ready. And I think that my husband would have wanted me to go out and have fun, and I would want that for him, too. Life is too short to sit around. Let’s wait five years before we can go and have some sex again. I mean, you’re a human being. You want to live again.
[07:22] Michael Bennett: I feel like I’d be so devastated.
[07:25] Pele Bennett: See, I’m the opposite. I’m like, go live your life. Do what you need to do. I don’t have any stipulations.
[07:48] Michael Bennett: No, but I’m just saying, because it is very I just feel like it would be hard to move on. I feel like there’s no time limit on that. And I think a lot of times we don’t know what the tragedy is going to do to us and how it’s gonna make us feel. How are we going to overcome it? So it really is own each person. Finally, when it happens that I know it’s gonna happen, but you never know when it’s gonna happen. And so I can imagine what that feels like or how do you move also. Nobody can really tell you when to move on.
[08:45] Cam Poter: Mom, you always talk about how like after a tragedy, like after 9/11, all those women were like, yeah, fucking like rabbits.
[08:51] KarenLee Poter: Oh, yeah. I did a lot of research on this subject. Especially with widows, like they you know, widows like need to feel alive again. So part of being alive is having sex or not even necessarily sex, you just want someone to kiss you, to hold you.
[09:06] Michael Bennett: But you know what? I feel like a lot of people, if you really think about it all we talk about, but a lot of people are probably sexually frustrated, probably been for a while. Because in relationships, people start withholding sex and withholding emotions and withholding physical touch. Probably who knows what their relationship was like before the person died. People probably want to feel that somebody needs them.
[09:30] Pele Bennett: But they could see sex as an escape from grieving, from trauma, from all of that. It’s like, let me just escape for these moments. I’m not going to do drugs, but maybe I’ll just have sex with a bunch of random men.
[09:43] Michael Bennett: Did you ever really have the sex talk with Cam? How would you tell people who have teenage kids how to have this talk? You seem like you are an expert in this.
[10:01] Pele Bennett: Yeah, the big sex talk. Because we have three girls and so, Michael, we talk about a period, he starts getting squirmish, and he’s like, oh, my God, please don’t talk about periods and blood and all this stuff. And I’m like, you have three girls. So if he can’t talk about periods, I don’t even know how we would begin to talk about sex. Please give us some advice.
[10:24] Cam Poter: So you haven’t had that conversation yet?
[10:25] Pele Bennett: No, we have not.
[10:25] KarenLee Poter: OK. So, Michael, I think that thing you got to think about here is do you want them to learn about it from other kids? Do you want them to learn about it from porn? Where do you want them to learn it? If you don’t tell them, where are they going to learn from? I mean, you’re homeschooling right now, right? Why don’t you have everybody listen to Sex Talk with my Mom, and all of a sudden you get over that real quickly. You could talk about anything. I mean, first, we weren’t able to talk about that much. But I mean, when my kids were little, the most important time was like when they would come and ask me questions late at night. Sometimes I’d walk in the room and my husband was passed out and I’d be like, all right, let’s go talk. None of your daughters have asked any questions?
[11:15] Pele Bennett: No. Well, not to us, at least. So that’s the thing, is that our oldest is 13 and she’s in middle school. So this was her first year of home school. So I know her girlfriends have boyfriends. You know, the conversation is definitely out there. So I don’t think she’s opened up to us about it. I’ve talked to her about period and how that works, which is kind of like back door to sex. So I’m like, OK, how do I push this all in?
[11:38] KarenLee Poter: You just to bring it up and say, let’s talk about stuff. And if it makes you comfortable or uncomfortable, let me know. Do you have any questions? And the more you bring it up, the more comfortable they’re gonna feel when they finally are ready to talk about it. Because I think that it’s so much better to talk and communicate than it is to not.
[11:59] Cam Poter: But yeah, I mean, I knew because I had an older sister, so I would see my mom and her talking about it at night, not about sex, but about like, you know, if she had any problems with boys in school or things like that. I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. But I wanted those private talks, too. So I just signed up for that. And, you know, I didn’t have too much to share, honestly in high school. So it wasn’t that awkward to be like, you know —
[12:32] KarenLee Poter: But your friends did.
[12:33] Cam Poter: My friends would come over. They came to hang out with me, but then they quickly learned that by mom was a sex expert, so the conversation involved her as well.
[12:47] KarenLee Poter: I wasn’t a sex expert, I was just a listening expert. And I ask the right questions.
[12:53] Cam Poter: Yeah. So you became like the cool mom.
[12:56] I think that’s important that kids in general, if it’s someone else’s parents or whoever, where you’re getting your advice, I think is actually really important. Because you think about kids getting sex advice, like you say, like porn, like that’s a joke, but obviously a lot of people do. So then there’s kids thinking that, OK, this is what sex looks like.
[13:13] Michael Bennett: Imagine the first time you’re looking at porn and you accidentally pull up a fetish. You’ll be ruined your life.
[15:24] Michael Bennett: We talk about the sex conversation, we talk about different things. But Cam, having those types of conversations with your mother, do you feel like having other conversations with family members, is that awkward? Does it bring it to bring you guys together? Because it’s really hard to have conversations with family, whether it’s about sex, money, success. And do you think your podcast has allowed you to do that a lot easier?
[15:54] Cam Poter: Yeah, the podcast has been huge in that. I think whatever you don’t talk about with your parents growing up, like somehow it gets in your mind that it’s a bad thing. And then but ultimately you’re going to want it. So in my family, it was weed and drugs, like it was off the table growing up, which we were not going to do it at all. And we didn’t talk too much about it either. Probably ’cause my mom was smoking the whole fucking time.
[16:25] KarenLee Poter: No, that is not true. I smoked once in college, but not when you guys are grown up. I did not.
[16:29] Cam Poter: But ultimately, like having these talks, these sex talks, it was like the gateway into then being able to talk about weed, acid, shroom trips. Yeah, we can pretty much talk about anything now, which is very freeing.
[16:47] KarenLee Poter: And the rest of the family, too. He’s got a younger brother. He’s got an older sister. The whole family’s talked openly about stuff. Because it does bring everybody closer together.
[16:57] Cam Poter: I would say it was pretty awkward talking to both my siblings about sex or or drugs because I think it just is. And then once this started happening between my mom and I, then I was like, well, if I could talk to mom, I could talk to my brother. He’s chill about this. And that helps our relationship. So it’s had a good effect.
[17:16] Michael Bennett: We have a lot of open conversations, but this Coronavirus has people trapped in their house now. So people have to face a lot of issues that they’ve been running from. Everybody has their awkwardness with their wife or with their daughter, their son. Like people want to have these conversations.
[17:34] Pele Bennett: I think, Karen, what you’re saying is what stood out as that you said you were a listener. And I think a lot of times when we’re having these conversations that are uncomfortable, everybody wants to talk, or attack, or, you know, the reaction is just too much. It’s like sometimes you really do just have to be a listener and kind of like take it all in before you respond. And a lot of times we don’t do that. So being in this, you know, pandemic, it’s like now we have so much time. So me and Michael were talking about — he was like, make sure you love on each other.
[18:15] Michael Bennett: Can you really overlove your partner? He overloved me, so I’m divorcing him.
[18:35] Pele Bennett: No, but some people don’t like that. Some people really don’t like to be touched that much. Or maybe they just want a little bit of their own time.
[18:42] Michael Bennett: And why would they marry that person then? This is the conversation. This is what Will and Jada was talking about, because it’s one of those conversations that in reality, a lot of people marry people and do not know what they really like. Like you marry this person not knowing if they really like to be touched. They’d been together for like 22 years. And I think that one day she’s like, I don’t really like when you kiss me on my neck. I been kissing your neck for 25 years! But it’s just really hard for people to have those conversations.
[19:31] KarenLee Poter: It ends up in a long run that you could become even more close with that person after that conversation is done.
[19:37] Cam Poter: Totally. I also think that like — I remember the year after my dad died, I had a weird reaction, which was like I felt very free. Not because he was gone, but because I didn’t give a shit about any of the things in my life, like my homework, I didn’t give a shit. Tests.
[20:01] KarenLee Poter: He still went to Stanford, OK?
[20:04] Cam Poter: So but I still think it was like, you know, once, like, you see everything is put into perspective. You’re like, oh, I could have a tough conversation. It’s that too much to, you know, to worry about.
[20:18] Michael Bennett: Even like divorce, I feel like in my life, like my parents got divorced, but we never had that conversation about the divorce. So it was always this awkwardness around the divorce. My parents never set us down and was like, we’re getting a divorce. I mean, the only way we knew they were getting divorce was because we didn’t see mom for like three or four months. It really does build walls. And like now you married to a woman and you can’t even be gentle with it because you don’t even know how to be gentle.
[21:14] Pele Bennett: And I think also without communicating, you know, through difficult times is everyone starts to create their own story. And then years pass and then we try to fix all the trauma that we went through. But then everyone has a perspective that they dealt with and experienced. And it’s more difficult to find that solution.
[21:59] KarenLee Poter: Hey, Michael, what do you think of going to your parents now? Are they alive and talking to them and finding out like, hey, what did happen there?
[22:08] Michael Bennett: I tried, but it’s one of those things where now we get into the situation of like everybody at some point of life, they evolve. For example, you went through this trauma and then you evolved into something that can handle a certain amount of trauma. But it is like other people haven’t evolved to that because they never went to their wall and started knocking on it and trying to tear it down. So I feel like even though when I tried to talk about it, it’s like they haven’t got over the trauma that was created by their separation. And so there wasn’t any time to mend those spiritual wounds that they were having. And so now when that happens, just like this trickle down effect of everybody having to deal with the lack of opportunity to stand up and have that awkward conversation and say, this is what happened. It would take some counseling.
And when someone is telling you about yourself and you hear and it hurts, you look in the mirror of self-reflection and you start to reflect on yourself, you see your scars.You look in a mirror like, oh, well, I’m kind of an ugly person.
[23:40] Pele Bennett: That scarring means you haven’t dealt with it. So then you have to go back and open the wound again.
[23:42] KarenLee Poter: You brought up a good point, though, at this time when people are home with their families. It is a good time to start bringing up stuff, especially if your kids are young, and they’re curious. It’s a good time to say, hey, let’s sit down and talk about the birds and the bees.
[23:57] Pele Bennett: You know, we’ll have to use this time. Together. Karen, is there anything that you wish that you did talk to your children about at an early age?
[25:02] KarenLee Poter: If Cam walked in the room — I remember him saying, I think I figured out how babies come out. And I was in bed with my husband and I go, what? He goes, I think that you stick your penis in the belly button of the girl. And we’re like, OK. And so then, of course, my husband feigns that he’s going to go back to sleep, you know. And so I went out and started talking about it. And, you know, let’s do let’s talk about that. You know, now we can talk about where the penis actually goes.
[25:48] Pele Bennett: I love that you took charge, this hard and were like, you know what? I’m going to get up and go tell him how it works. Because he easily could have walked away.
[26:11] Cam Poter: You know, it’s funny. I don’t remember any of these conversations that I’ve had with you. Like over the years about sex. I guess it’s just seemed very natural. I don’t know, maybe I just have a bad memory.
[26:21] Michael Bennett: Yeah. You said you did acid and mushrooms. You went to Stanford, what was that like?
[26:42] Cam Poter: It was great. I wish I could stay there forever. It’s kind of heaven for me. Yeah, but I mean, I studied public policy, so I’m not really using much of what I learned, to be honest.
[26:56] Michael Bennett: Your degree actually helps the world because you look at public policy and politics and all these different things, the sadness and darkness in a lot of it. But when you got humor the way you do, you make it a lot easier for people to digest.
[27:25] Cam Poter: You know, I appreciate that. That was a goal for sure.
[27:28] KarenLee Poter: So he came out of the school with this unbelievable job, a big consulting firm, and he fuckin’ hated it. It was like sent away. And he hated it. And like, I was like, do what you want to do. That’s another thing I think is super important for parents to say. Let your passions out. Don’t do what you think is the right thing to do.
[27:54] Michael Bennett: Karen, that’s a hard thing, though. As a parent, you feel like you want to put your kids into the world, make sure you’re successful. And like when they get to the point where you they’re going to be successful and you’re like, “be what you want to be.” A lot of parents are scared to do that because they don’t think their kid can, you know, survive in a world without the plan that they planned for them.
[28:26] Pele Bennett: That’s what I was going to say, is some parents reflect their kids off themselves. So if they feel that they weren’t as successful. They’re like, oh, I failed. And so I think it’s beautiful the way you said it. Like lead with passion. That will lead to success.
[28:41] Michael Bennett: I see this in the NFL. And I feel like a lot of guys don’t really want to be in the NFL, but they’ve put so much time in. And they keep doing it, but they don’t really put in the passion that they could really have for it. But then like at some point when they finally get cut, I see like they had a sense of relief. They didn’t really want to do it. Like it’s not what they really expected or something that didn’t make them as happy as they thought it would be.
[29:13] KarenLee Poter: Michael, how are you in terms of that? Were your parents supportive of you? And do you feel like you had to go into football?
[29:20] Michael Bennett: I actually love football. I actually liked playing football as a kid. I actually like everything about the game, the history of the game. I was like a historian of football. So I actually like going and watching film and watching all those different things. My parents, I mean, it was all those things like you either go to college or you got to go to the military. And I was like, oh, I don’t know about the military. I can talk back a little bit. I would never, ever reach the ranks in the military. Even in college, I felt like I didn’t take it as serious until we had our daughter Peyton. And then I kind of realized that this is a rare opportunity to take care of my family and take care of my wife and like really have an opportunity to build a family. And all I got to do is just be good at this and sacrifice everything to do it, and at some point, it’s gonna pay off
[30:18] Cam Poter: Were their games that you were just like, fuck, I got to do this again?
[30:20] Michael Bennett: No, practice was definitely like that for sure. Practice is like, aw, I gotta fucking do this again. I mean, people say you get paid for practice, but the games are always free. I see a lot of guys getting pushed to play sports. And when he finish playing the sport, it really didn’t develop who they are or what their character is. And so they just have a hard time being in the world, because every time they try to steer off the path a little bit to build up who they were, their parents are like uh-uh, go back, play football. Or like everybody in society was like, you’re tall, you’re big, you’re strong, play this sport. So if people have more parents that will allow them to just play with music, do different things. And I think me and Pele as parents, we’ve definitely been trying to do that.
[32:43] Cam Poter: How did you guys meet each other?
[32:45] Pele Bennett: We actually met in high school. My cousin was friends with him.
[32:50] Michael Bennett: We met on a bus.
[32:52] Pele Bennett: Actually, I can’t exactly pinpoint where we met in school. We did ride the same bus for a little while.
[32:59] Michael Bennett: Yeah, I got lucky. She was torn between me and this other guy. So I was better. But at the same time, I was lucky because I chose her. I don’t know what would have happened if he chose the other guy. Maybe our lives would be fulfilled as they are now. Who knows?
[33:50] KarenLee Poter: We’ve been talking about dating during Covid on the podcast a lot because he’s had some weird dates.
[33:55] Cam Poter: Yeah, I’m going on virtual dates. I did it at a Quaran-Tinder the other day where there was just like a Zoom call with me, this other guy that signed up and like 10 women. They would put us in different breakout rooms and we would just talk to like — it was like speed dating almost.
[34:28] Pele Bennett: It would be difficult to meet in person, but then everyone has masks on. Are you my date? Are you my date?
[34:47] KarenLee Poter: So have you guys had other girlfriends or boyfriends or just the two of you?
[34:52] Michael Bennett: There’s us. We never dated.
[34:58] KarenLee Poter: So, I mean, we’ve interviewed Chris Carter and he played on a bunch of teams. He retired a few years ago and he was telling us some stories that went on like, you know, with the women and stuff like that after the games. I don’t know, it would be hard to be married and, you know, being there’s so much temptation all around you at all times.
[35:21] Pele Bennett: So that’s funny. I think we’ll both have different perspectives. But I’m always like, why is no one talking to my husband? Or trying to? But I’m sure Michael probably has to — he didn’t want to tell me that it happened.
[35:39] Michael Bennett: No, because I don’t go out making people think that I’m single. A lot of guys lie. If you look at everything about me, it’s about my family. So people know that I have a family. I love my wife. I’m not going out taking shots. A lot of guys do that.
[36:15] Pele Bennett: So it’s like this is how you carry yourself.
[36:38] Michael Bennett: So that’s really what I think it comes down to. There’s a lot of young players and players who don’t really know if they want to be married, but they kind of got married because they’d been with somebody so long.
[37:10] Pele Bennett: Probably they did get married for the right reason. But then, like you said, there is a lot of temptation that happens. Because all of a sudden you are getting so much attention, you’re literally getting attention from not only women, but from companies. You know, you’re getting attention from family members you’ve never spoken to. So you’ve so many different things like fighting against you.
[37:31] Michael Bennett: Yeah, I think it’s two different things. There’s some people who praise their wives, right? They praise their wives. Then there’s men who worship their wives. I actually worship my wife. If you brand yourself as yourself, there’s longevity in that. I think you have to be really careful of that not to get caught up in that social world.
[38:19] KarenLee Poter: Yeah, it’s very admirable. I mean, I just think it’s hard, especially because if you entered the NFL when you were very young and you grew up with it, too. So you had to have known at a young age this is the way you wanted to be.
[38:33] Michael Bennett: My wife is beautiful.
[38:35] KarenLee Poter: She’s cool, too.
[38:37] Michael Bennett: I don’t think she thinks I’m beautiful. Obviously, she’s like, well, nobody is talking to my husband!
[38:40] KarenLee Poter: I know. I love that. That is the cutest thing!
[38:44] Cam Poter: Pele, did you find that Michael got like, you know, because you knew him before he joined the NFL — did his confidence change when he joined?
[38:59] Pele Bennett: No, that’s a good question. Honestly, I don’t think Michael’s head got bigger. There are some moments where he’s a jokester. I mean, I’ll honestly say I think he’s been pretty level throughout this time. But I also think naturally that you’re just more like a humble person. He’ll boast, but it’s like sometimes in a joking way. And so I think, like, sometimes people misconstrue that and be like, oh, my God. But I’m like, the way he jokes is that you’ll be thinking it, but then he’ll say it out loud. So I don’t know. I think that. I think you’ve been well-balanced to stay humble. Plus, I’m right there by him so I’ll pop those bubbles if that ever happened.
[40:00] Michael Bennett: She’s the first wife I’ve ever heard that say no one has tried talking to my husband!
[40:11] KarenLee Poter: So I get that, though. I get it. Like if my boyfriend said he slept with a bunch of girls or whatever, I’m like, that’s good. That means that he was desirable for a certain amount of girls. You know, someone wanted to fuck him. You want to make sure that your person is desirable. If you never had slept with anybody and that means like didn’t anybody want to sleep with you? Come on.
[40:36] Michael Bennett: All right, I want to thank you guys for coming on. I know you guys are busy and it was a great conversation. I love having those conversations where we have humor. We have like real talk. And I think you guys are very open. And I think we all, as we go through this Coronavirus and we’re trapped in our home and everybody’s going crazy with it. People are feeling it. But as we need to have that conversation. What are you not saying? What is making you feel that way? So thank you guys for allowing our listeners to push themselves.
[41:14] KarenLee Poter: This has been awesome.
[41:15] Cam Poter: Thank you so much for having us.
[41:38] Pele Bennett: So today’s pro tip is how to communicate with your children about personal issues and topics that they’re dealing with, but doing it in a safe, comfortable environment. Speaking to your children and making them feel comfortable to come to you to talk about sex, talk about shaving certain areas, talk about them wanting to be intimate or having these feelings, I think obviously a lot of people are like, oh, no, do not talk about that to your parents. I did not grow up in a household where that was safe to talk to my parents about that. It just wasn’t comfortable. And plus, I grew up with so many siblings. I had three older sisters. So I would go to them for certain things and talk to them. Or, you know, usually go to a friend. So I know definitely for me with our three girls, I want to make a safe place where they can come to me. But also sometimes I feel like you have to kind of nudge it because sometimes they don’t want to talk to you about it. So you kind of have to nudge it to them and kind of start bringing it up and starting the conversation so they will want to talk about it.
[42:39] Michael Bennett: I agree. I think communication is very important when you having kids. Is it possible to over communicate? You don’t want your kids to be in a place where they can’t talk to you when a problem appears. And there’s so many people who get taken advantage of because they don’t have anybody to communicate with or be able to share their true feelings without being judged. And I think sometimes as a parent, it’s hard not to judge. So I think not judging and communicating is very important for your kids to be able to have those hard conversations. As soon as you turn into the dictator and you’re not, you know, the Buddhist monk who’s there to listen and help them choose the inner light and help them choose the right path, it’s just harder for them to really trust you because they know that there’s a verdict coming after that. I think making a connection with them will last longer than just childhood, because when kids are younger, they have no choice but to be connected to their parents. But when they’re older, they choose if they want to be connected through parents. And if you have an open line of communication in the future, your kids would choose to want to be around you. She shook her head, people. She disagreed with what I said. But go ahead.
[44:08] Pele Bennett: No, I’m not disagreeing. I’m just reflecting on my own experience, how I might not have felt safe, but also thinking moving forward now to being a parent and sometimes the girls are going through something. Peyton’s a teenager, and sometimes she’ll say something, and off the top in my head before I even speak. I’m like, what the hell? But then I like trying to compose myself. And instead of attacking her feelings or, you know, sensitivities, I try to just ask why, you know, why are you feeling this way? Why do you think this is happening and kind of backtrack to get to the root.
[44:46] Michael Bennett: Communicate and be a great listener.
[44:50] Pele Bennett: I mean, the pro tip really is just clear communication through love.
[44:52] Michael Bennett: Thank you guys.
[45:07] Michael Bennett: Please subscribe to us or like us on anything that you’re listening to. Apple, Stitcher, Spotify, whatever you’re listening to get away from your family, whoever you don’t want to be around. And make sure you rate us or give us a comment. Even though we don’t give a fuck about your comments, give us a comment. Mouthpeace is a production of Lemonada Media, which you can find online on all social platforms @LemonadaMedia. You can follow me on social media, @MosesBread72. I love bread, and biblically, I always thought I was Moses.
[45:37] Pele Bennett: And you can follow me on Instagram at @pelepels. Mouthpeace with Michael and Pele Bennet is executive produced by us, the Bennets. Mouthpeace is also executive produced by Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. And of course, the whole team at Lemonada Media. Our producer is Genevieve Garrity and our show is edited by Brian Castillo. Thank you to our ad sales and distribution partners at Westwood One, and to all of our sponsors for making this show possible. Thank you for listening.