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Sarah high fives a cactus. Plus, she brainstorms names for a new dog salon, ponders plastic surgery, and helps a gay man who’s afraid of semen.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Usnat, Jen, Sarah Silverman, Amy, Cynthia, David, Caitlin, Quinn, Sender 2

Sarah Silverman  00:14

Hi everybody. It’s your old pal, Sarah. I did something so funny stupid, but it stupid funny. You know, I told you about how I had a really hard day, and then I finally went out for a run, and that, like, broke the fever of this, like rage inside me. And once that fever broke, and I don’t know if I mentioned this when I told you this, I run or get it all out, I just run. I’m running up a hill, I’m running, and it just the fever of rage broke in me, and I felt free. I felt immense relief, a lot like the relief that pot can give me in certain times, but it was just from running, immense relief and joy, a surge of joy. And as I kept running, you know, there’s trees and plants and shrubs along the street as I’m running from different people’s houses and whatever and whenever, there was, like, a leaf or a branch that stuck out far enough I would high five. It like I just in my mind, it was people cheering me on and saying, Go, Sarah. So like, every time a branch was sticking out at my level, like, high five level, I was going, like, I was like, high fiving everybody, like, as if I was running a marathon or something. And it just made me laugh at it. I manufactured this, like, feeling of support, like, go, Sarah, so silly. So I was taking a walk the other day with Rory. We were walking the dogs, and we like to take real long, substantial walks. And I started jogging ahead a little, and I had that feeling again, where, like there was a plant that almost looked like a hand, like a flat leaf, kind of sticking out. And I went and gave it a big high five, like, boom, and it was a cactus, and a thorn just went through my finger. I mean, like, it stuck really deep into my finger, and I was like, oh. But then I was also laughing, because, as my friend tall John says, I am a delightful idiot. Let’s take some calls.

 

Cynthia  02:39

Hey, Sarah, it’s your best friend, Cynthia. Hey girl, so I just started doing comedy. I love it. It’s going really well, and I don’t know where it will take me, but I really enjoy it now, so I’m gonna keep on going and see what happens. But my question for you is, what has been your experiences with dating and doing stand up comedy. I know you’re with a partner now, but have you ever had difficulty dating in your career? I just went out with a guy. He met me. I was already doing stand up comedy, and he got just super insecure about it. He thought everything I would he would say I would use on stage, and I didn’t really talk about him, but he just got super insecure. It was kind of a turn off. And we’re no longer together, but, but I heard that, you know, dating as a comedian could be tough, because, you know, guys get insecure, and I know that that’s not the right type of guy anyways, but just wondering if that’s true. And and then I look at, you know, all the famous comedians that I look up to, Nikki Glaser, Ali Wong you, obviously. And I’m wondering if you guys ever had an issue with that, and whatever you say on stage, is it discussed with your partner? Like, anyways, would love some insight on that. And that’s all I got for now. And I love you, and thank you so much.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:04

I’m so excited that you’re doing stand up and you love it. And, yeah, I would say most straight women doing comedy have a hard time finding a partner that can handle it emotionally, yeah, yeah, I think it’s definitely tricky. You know, for the most part, I’ve dated other comedians, and that’s very helpful in many ways, and also can be trickier in other ways. But I just, you know, need to be with a funny person. I’ve been with non comedians too, and there’s nice things about that. And also, and listen, you know, you’re out at night, and it, it seems social and it, a lot of it is social. And the truth is, most jobs are social. But this one is at. And it’s, I think it triggers insecurity. Often, can trigger insecurity in people who are partnered with that. And insecurity is not attractive. It’s just not and not to me. I mean, listen, we all have insecurity. And like, you know, Rory is my person. He’s my partner, and he can be insecure with me, as long as he’s cognizant of it and saying, like, Oh, I’m feeling really insecure, you know. But it’s when it comes out as, like, macho bullshit. It’s, you know, it’s, in a way, it’s a good way to thin out the people that are are not worth your time, because they just have to understand this part of your life, you know, I will say I was with a guy who we were really kind of breaking up. It seemed like we were, we were breaking up, but like, were we breaking up? It was always patchy. And I shot my special, like, two specials ago or so, and I did two shows that I recorded. And one night I said I had a joke where I say, wll, my and my boyfriend  blah, and then in the other one, I say, I had a boyfriend who blah. Like, I made one current and one like as an ex boyfriend, just because I didn’t know where we’d be by the time we and he went to both tapings. Listen, I had to do it. I didn’t know where we’d be, where we’d be at but, yeah, listen, it’s tricky. Dating is tricky anyway, but when you have a night job that’s at night clubs, that’s, you know, comedy, where your life has to be on limits. You are allowed to talk about your life, but it’s tricky when it’s something that you know he said or that it makes him vulnerable, and you maybe want to ask permission, like, Hey, can I do this? Or would you be feel more comfortable? Well, if I made it about someone else, or, you know, you got to find someone who can handle it, you know, and not just at the beginning, when it’s fun, but for the duration, you know, like women like Ali Wong, they’re like, she’s fucking doing it. Nothing will is stopping her. And it’s so great to see. And there are so many comedians who, you know, have babies, have, you know, relationships, have kids, have you know, and they do it all. But boy, when I was starting out, you know, it’s like, I was with a couple guy comics that are my age. We were hanging out, and they were like, oh yeah. We used to this, talking about this young comic, and they’re like, we started out with his mom. His mom was a comic, and she, you know, she was so funny and blah, I said, What happened to her? And they were like, Oh, she had Mike, you know, just like, fuck. Or I knew a comic I did a gig with who was very alpha male guy. And he he was, again, my wife was a comedian, and I said, Oh, what happened? And he goes, we got married and had kids. And I was just like, fucking mother fucker. But I think that’s not the norm any anymore. I don’t think you know, or I don’t know. All right, what else? Thanks for calling in Cynthia.

 

Sender 2  08:32

Hi, Sarah. It’s your Canadian best friend. Just wondering how you dealt with the emotions of worry and anxiety about losing your dad. I lost my mom when I was young. I’m in my mid 20s now, and my dad’s getting older, and I feel anxious every day about losing him. I feel like I can’t go far from him, can’t explore the world, can’t live out my dreams. I’m just too scared of being far away and something happening. Just love to hear your input. Love the podcast. Thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:12

Well, I get it, but also that’s no way to live either you’re because what happens if you put your life on hold and make sure you’re close by and always with him, that there’s a portion of that  lovely, but ultimately what it becomes is you waiting for him to die instead of living. So my advice would be, make everything count your time with him, but also be reasonable. You’re a human being. You have to be and you got to live your life, obviously, make the time you spend with him count. Right? And know that when he passes, you did good, because that’s all you can do. Make that time really count, you know? And when he does pass, one thing I take solace in, from my parents to even when my dog passed away, they’re out of pain. They’re not in pain. You’re in pain, and you can handle that. So that’s how I mentally think about it. But you can’t think every day, oh my God, he’s gonna die. He is gonna die. We’re all gonna die. He’s probably gonna die a little sooner. And of course, make time with him, you know, and do all those things, but don’t put your life on hold. That’s certainly not what he would want, I imagine. Live your life and live it to the best of your ability. Go for joy wherever you find it, and make the time with him count that you have to do special things. You have to go to fucking Disneyland. But you know, like Warren’s e von said on David Letterman, and Rory reminded me of this, and he pointed out the best sentence. He said, Warren’s e von knew he was dying. He had cancer, and Letterman had him on as the guest for five days of the whole of a whole week. And it was amazing. And Rory played this one for part for me, because I do remember when he was on, but I didn’t remember this. And I always think about it where Dave said, well, you know, you know you’re dying, so mortality, you you know, you know you have a more of a hold on mortality and what it all means. What would be the advice you would give to the audience? And he said, enjoy every sandwich. That’s all. You don’t have to do anything. You have to go anywhere. You don’t have to put pressure on like having some big event or just the everyday stuff that is the stuff, save his voicemails, take video and besides that, just enjoy every sandwich.

 

Usnat  12:15

Hi Sarah, my name is Usnat. I’m from Israel, and I currently live in Chicago. I’ve listened to every single one of your podcast episodes, and like many here, it helped me get through a very rough time. So I feel very close to you, like you’re my old pal. On last week’s episode, you said that you don’t know what your power is or how you can help right now. You said that you feel helpless. A few years ago, your show, I love you. America gave me a lot of hope. Do you feel like it made a difference? If so, should we do something like this? Reaching out across the aisle again? What would that look like today? Thank you for all that you do. Sarah, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:54

Well, thank you for that call. And I mean, I don’t know if it made a difference. I think it made a difference in the people’s lives that were on the show. And I think a lot of people have said that they they liked the show, that they were moved by the show. I think it helped people on both sides of the aisle see humanity in each other, and I think we’re our worst selves when we’re not face to face, you know, I don’t know what the answer is. I’m real lost lately, you know, but I will say, when people are face to face, it’s just different . I think when there’s a common goal that helps, and it’s not like that right now, but you know, that’s why that’s like the classic buddy movie formula. There’s a reason there is a classic buddy movie formula because it really works. Two people who have seemingly nothing in common, that hate each other, are forced to work together for some common goal, and in the process, realize they’re not so different. After all, there was a reason that formula works, because it actually works in real life. You know, when people are brought together who do not think they’re going to get along and they or they hate each other, you know, but they are forced to work together, or they are working together for some common goal. You know, it’s like a team. It’s, it’s rare that teams don’t get along, and they’re all sorts of different people, but they get along because they have a common goal, and they have to work together, and they end up loving each other and having each other’s backs, you know. And so when you’re put into a position where you are a team with someone that you might not think is your cup of tea, that by the end of a long journey together, you’re gonna be. Are brothers for life, you know. So I do think, you know, we live in a world where we are not face to face very often, everything digital, everything is emails, everything is is words. That’s why, like, I think I heard Trevor Noah make this point on a podcast where, like, if you have stress in your body and you read a text, you’re gonna read it in the most aggressive, you know, sarcastic or negative tone. If you’re in a great mood and feeling good and you read a text from someone, you’ll read it in a in that mood, you know. So that’s why it’s like, it’s so hard, unless you were together and seeing each other’s faces to really know how someone’s speaking to you, because if you don’t see their face, you’re gonna fill in those blanks with how you’re feeling about yourself in that moment. And that’s how people get into fights, you know, on text, because you know, they’re reading it with an inflection that they’re putting on it anyway, all of these little micro examples to say, yeah, we’re fucked no. The more people are put in rooms together and really see each other, the more we realize we’re all connected. We are all connected. We’re literally connected. We’re made of the same star, dust and and atoms and shit and molecules. I’m basically a scientist, Okay, what else?

 

David  16:34

Hey, Sarah, my name is David. I’m living in Utah right now, but I am originally from Stillwater, Oklahoma, and oddly enough, I moved to Utah to escape religious oppression, and I recognized how comical that is, that I moved to Utah, of all places to escape that. But actually, in all reality, it’s been great, but I make the joke that I am failing gay man because a lot of the things that gay men thrive on, I just am not interested in one thing. For example, I have a massive fear of semen, and I’ve always thought that it was rooted in this, like the Baptist shame that I grew up in. But now that I’ve moved and now that I have been working on myself, and been working on having grace for myself and accepting myself and honestly become the healthiest version of myself that I’ve ever been. One thing that hasn’t gone away has been the fear of semen of any kind of any form from anyone and it’s becoming a problem, and I’ve been wondering if it’s going to affect my intimacy with hopefully a future, lifelong partner. So I’m just wondering what your thoughts are, if you have any advice to me, if you think it’s possible for a gay man to have a deep sexual intimate relationship with another man, if that is a problem, anyways, adore you and hopefully meet you someday.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:01

David, first of all, I, you know, I read somewhere that Salt Lake City, Utah is like the the number one haven for gay men in America. So even though it’s Mormons have the, you know, are famous for it, I am not surprised that moving to Utah has been an amazing place to thrive as a gay man, because I actually read that somewhere. I would need to know more specifics about your fear of semen. Is it an actual phobia, like you can’t see it, touch it, smell it, know about it, or is it like you don’t you don’t want to touch it, or like you don’t want to, you know, I don’t know the extent of this, this fear, but listen, I you know it, I wouldn’t say that’s a fail. You’re a failing gay man because of it, because it’s like, there are gay men that like penetration, there are gay men that don’t like penetration. There are gay men that like giving blow jobs. There are gay men that do not, you know, give blow jobs. There are gay men that will give a blow job, that don’t smile, that don’t smile, that don’t swallow, you know, the same as straight women. So, you know, I think this is okay disabled. Well, I mean, but Rory, he makes fun of me because I like when we make love, I go from like the Sarah that loves semen, and then a few minutes later, I’m the Sarah that hates semen. But you know, sex can look any way you want it to look. It has to jibe with what your partner also enjoys, or at least be the yin to his yang of what he enjoys. It has to work for him as well, you know. But it can look any way you want. And you know, I don’t know what your ideal sex scenario is, but you can have sex and have semen not touch you. Yeah, there’s always a way. There’s always a way. And if you find the right person that can indulge that, or is the same way, or is like, you’ll find someone whether it works, you know, but there’s always, there’s always a loophole with sex. You can always figure it out. There isn’t just one way to have sex for anyone. The good news is you know what works for you and what doesn’t work for you, and now you just find a partner that jibes with that, for whom that also works. But I’m glad you are your healthiest version of you, and it’s okay if you still do not like semen. I don’t know about it as a fear, and I don’t know to the extent that you’re talking about it, but hopefully I was helpful and good luck. All right, what else?

 

Caitlin  20:48

Hey, Sarah, it’s your old pal, Caitlin from Toronto. I was really happy to hear that Toronto is one of your favorite cities. That’s awesome. I love it. It is a great city. Is there anything in particular about Toronto that you really like? I’d be curious to know.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:06

It’s clean and diverse.

 

Caitlin  21:09

I thought you’d get a kick out of knowing that. For years now, I’ve been doing these, like practice recordings of things that I would say to you or ask you, and they usually pop in my head when I’m driving and I’ll just do a quick recording. So I literally have, like, a folder on my phone of all these messages to you that I just don’t do anything with my best friend makes fun of me all the time. Oh, does anybody else do this? So I’m a dog groomer. I’ve been a dog groomer for, oh, my god, 20 years now, and I finally decided to open up my own shop. I’m struggling with a name for the the shop, so I was just wondering if you have any ideas for a dog grooming salon. I want it to be like a 5060s, salon vibe. I don’t know if that helps. So, yeah, I’d love to hear some ideas from you. Maybe some of your listeners have some ideas. Okay, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:16

You know I’m thinking as you’re talking. I’m like thinking about names for you. I love thinking of names for people’s stuff and everything, and they’re dog groomer, and I’m like, dog groomer. And then I’m like, oh, maybe you shouldn’t have groomer in the name, but that’s what you are, but, I mean, you’re not, but you are, but you’re not, you know, but you’re, but you are. Or you could go like, bride and groomer, I don’t know it’s like a funny, like 50s pun, maybe, or like a 50s, 60s, like kitsch, Kitsch style, I guess, dog, Puppy Salon. It’s not very creative. I guess I really want to just sit here and think of names puppy, pups, pop, pop, popsicle. Pup, Oh, that’s terrible. Puppy, doggy. Dog, oh, my God, I know what it should be called. I just came up with it. What’s up, groomer, isn’t that like, what’s up, Boomer?

 

Amy  23:24

I don’t know. Tess, just, I think, pitched the winner.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:27

What? Oh, really, what is it?

 

Amy  23:29

Doggy style.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:31

Oh, my goodness, that is Tess. That is crude, all right? Doggy style? Oh, my God, because style.

 

Amy  23:40

It’s a double entendre.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:42

It’s a double entendre Doggie style. Tess, my lovely assistant, came up with it doggy style. But I’ll still stick with what’s up, groomer, because isn’t that a thing like, What’s Up Boomer?

 

Amy  23:57

No.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:58

It’s not.

 

Amy  24:00

I’ve never heard it. Okay, Boomer.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:02

Fucking now I feel like a boomer, which I’m not. I’m solidly Gen X, okay, groomer, that’s my pitch. But Tess’s is better. Oh, my God. Doggy style. Doggy style. Incredible.

 

Jen  24:19

Hi, Sarah, it’s your friend Jen from Vermont, and I’m just calling in because I heard your podcast opening talking about feeling bad about your face as it ages and changes. And I just want to say, as a 53 year old woman, when I look in the mirror, I feel that way too, and I don’t want to feel bad about my face, and I’m just glad that you talked about it. I think people think talking about vanity is frivolous, but we live in this society where vanity is like the most important thing. So I just, I just wish. People talked about aging more, and I also appreciate seeing women who age and let it happen. Like I just saw that movie with Annette Bening, and I think it’s called nayad, the swimming movie, and she was incredible, like I realized when I was watching it, she her face is natural, and she has the face of an older woman. And I am so grateful to see that on screen, and I I want to see more of that so it’s more normal, so people aren’t so afraid of looking their age. I think we are what we are, and I don’t know, rambling, but anyhow, I see you. Sarah Silverman, thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  25:47

Thank you. It’s so tricky. It’s so fucking tricky. And yeah, Jodie Foster and Annette Bening are doing everything right. And boy, they both look fantastic. And they both look like older women. And listen, I’m not trying to not look my age. And, yeah, it looks really not, you know, it makes me feel nice when I say, Oh, I’m 53 and people go, you are, oh, my God. But look, you know, I mean, it’s, it’s just so tricky to know what to do and what not to do if you’re gonna do something to your face. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s filler and botox. And I’m sure more and more things I’m I’ve become kind of interested in learning about what a face lift entails, you know. And I never thought I would, and I’m probably really too scared to do that, because I’ve had throat surgeries and throat problems, and the thought of doing something elective surgery wise, terrifies me. But as a young person, and I hear young people all the time, I would be like, I would never do anything that’s crazy. This is your face. This is your body. This is a gift from the universe or whatever. Yeah, shut the fuck up young me, you have no fucking idea what’s coming. They talk shit about you if you don’t do anything, they talk shit about you if you do do something, if you don’t do anything, they still talk shit about you for doing something. Because they can see your face is changing, like my face is so much, and I’m not putting myself down. It’s got to like a chipmunk your face. As I get older, and I don’t know how or why. That’s just age. I don’t know why it happens. And, you know, listen, I don’t mind the wrinkles around my eyes. You know, there are lines I don’t mind, and there are lines that really make me sad, so I fucking totally get it, and I would do whatever, listen, whatever Gwyneth Paltrow does. I want to do that because I think we’re similar age, and she looks incredible, and she doesn’t look weird, and I’m sure she obviously has access to absolutely anything, but whatever she has done or is doing, and obviously she’s living healthy, and she’s this and that, but whatever it is, it looks amazing. And I think also there are people who go so and so doesn’t do anything, and she looks great. She’s aging naturally. Well, guess what? So and so probably is doing a little something, but I don’t know what it is. I just want to fucking know. I wish I knew. I don’t want to not look my age, but like the my loose, tiny head skin is falling off my skull, and it’s a bummer. I mean, Jesus, we reupholster our couches. We reopen I have a chair I’ve reupholstered three times now it’s not okay to do that to your face. So I have no judgment anymore. I’m just afraid, because there’s no going back with that shit. But I don’t know, I just I feel like I worry that stuff is diminishing returns, especially like filler. Like once I got filler and I was like, oh, this looks really good, like it, but you have to keep filling your face because it melts away and then your skin is stretched out, right? I mean, I don’t know, I’m I’m very concerned, but I want to, like, know the tricks. I want to know what people do, but I feel like people who have figured it out don’t necessarily want to share it, but I want to. I want the tip on Gwyneth Paltrow. Because I think she looks really good.

 

Amy  30:03

Well, she’s often doing videos on her Instagram where she washes her face with the goop products, and she talks about, yeah, anti aging.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:14

I mean, the topicals. I’m all over it. I finally got that neck cream that Instagram has been pounding my feed with.

 

Amy  30:24

Do you like it?

 

Sarah Silverman  30:25

Sure, I don’t know. I use it. I like a cream. I like ritual. So it’s nothing for me to add, like a a neck cream. That’s it’s fun for me.

 

Amy  30:36

I’d like to note something, though, just for the record and for like, anyone listening, Sarah looks fucking incredible for for her age and for someone way younger, her skin is perfect. She’s never had alcohol in her life. She’s never had meat in her life, which I maintain is probably a big reason why her skin is what it is.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:57

No my parents looked good. My mom and my dad both look aged well.

 

Amy  31:02

Right, but I still think that some of it is contributing to that for you and like you look freaking great. You’ve always complained about your neck for 20 years.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:13

I never complained my neck was always my best feature, but now it’s, it’s, I think about the Nora Ephron book. I hate my neck or whatever it’s like, I never got it.

 

Amy  31:23

I will say this for any of the younger listeners, a few tips. Start now, anti aging hand cream. Anti Aging neck cream. Yeah, that is where your age shows First, your neck and your hands.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:38

All right, there you go. But listen, I’m very confident in my looks. That said, for someone who is confident with her looks and okay with aging, it still is really hard, and I don’t want you to think that it’s easy for everyone. Women have a hard time. We can’t grow a stubbly beard to hide our wavy jawline. I mean, believe me, I could, but I don’t. And I’m this isn’t complaining, but I’m just I don’t want to act like it’s easy and not a struggle, because I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this. You’re not. It’s fucking hard to navigate. And the best advice I’ve had that helps when I remember it is don’t look in the mirror so much. Look in the mirror less. You know, I feel good and my my boyfriend thinks I’m hot, so like I’m done, but it’s really fucking hard. It is. It’s a weird thing to navigate. And I know I look great and I’ve got great skin. I don’t know where my fucking Neutrogena age commercial is, or whatever. Come on, Mommy wants some some skin money. That sounds really weird, that sounds like prostitution or something. I guess it is ultimately all right. What else?

 

Quinn  33:17

Hi, Sarah, this is your friend. Quinn. I’m calling because I thought of a hilarious moment story in my life, and I was like, you know, I think Sarah Silverman would find this funny, so there’s no way this will hold up. When I was 18, I had to get hemorrhoids removed. That’s a story for another time. And as they were laying me down on the table to do the surgery, the drugs kicked in, and I felt like they were duct taping my butt cheeks open, and I turned over my shoulder, and I looked at the doctor, and I said, Take me to dinner first. So I’m a little tickled by my 18 year old humor. I’m now 38 I just think that’s so funny.

 

Sarah Silverman  34:25

That is funny. You’re only 18. That’s very funny, and also heartbreaking that you had to have hemorrhoid surgery at 18, or at all. I mean, oh my god, pulling your butt cheeks apart and your butts probably like propped in the air. And then also, like, then you had to, like, go to class and probably bring, like, a hemorrhoid donut. And people were like, what’s that? You probably have to say something like, I have a bad back, or the truth, which you shouldn’t be ashamed of. Were embarrassed, but I mean, come on, you’re only human and 18. Well, you lived through it, and you’re hilarious on the way. So I’m proud of you, dad, we’re winding down. This is the part of the podcast when I say, hey, send me your questions or comments. Go to speakpipe.com/thesarahsilvermanpodcast. That’s speak pipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast. And also subscribe rate and review wherever you listen to your podcast. Don’t just half Listen to me saying that really do it, because that helps us. And there’s more of the Sarah Silverman podcast with Lemonada premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus questions like one about dropping a number two. That question might be your number one. That’s my kind of content. Subscribe now in Apple podcasts.

 

CREDITS  35:57

Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast, we are a production of Lemonada media. Kathryn Barnes and Isabella Kulkarni produce our show. Our mix is by James Sparber. The show is recorded at the Invisible Studios in West Hollywood. Charles Carroll is our recording engineer. Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.