Good Sex is what we all deserve. Peppermint knows that sometimes when you need sex, you need a fuqboi. They may not be the best option, but what they lack in manners, they surely make up for in maneuvers.
You can watch the video for “Best Sex,” Peppermint’s song about fuqbois, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOsO-eRsHBE
Find her on Twitter and Instagram @peppermint247.
As expected, Good Sex contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
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Fuqboi is spelled F-U-Q-B-O-I. I was just swiping through, I was like, well, who’s gonna be who’s gonna be tonight? And I got this dude. And he was displaying some Fuqboism. I just got out of a 25,000-year relationship, or I’m in an ethically monogamous relationship, and we’re open, but she doesn’t know that I’m here. And I’m like, Oh, God, he was like, okay, I’ll be there. And then an hour later, I’m like, where are you? He was so late. Finally he’s like, I’m on my way, all these excuses. And I was like, oh, and he was like, I’ll be there and such excuses. He has this excuse that he was getting a raccoon for his neighbor. Like a raccoon? His neighbor had a raccoon and he was helping.
I was like, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I believe that. But I was like, fine. Get over here, because it’s already late and I’ve already made arrangements with you. So if you can get over here, you’d better get over here. So he came over. And we had the most passionate sex. Oh, my word. Afterward, I went into my normal mode of okay, that was great. Thanks. Bye. And he was like, no, no, no, no. Let’s talk. Let’s talk. I want to know who you are. I want to know how you feel about things. I want to know what you think about things. And he held me in his arms, and I let him stay the night which I never do. It was pillow talk. But it was more engaging than pillow talk. The fact that we were able to come down easily and have this connection, this sort of bonding after our good sex made it great sex, and we ended up in a relationship.
Hi, I’m Peppermint and you are listening to GOOD SEX. I am an actor, a singer, a drag entertainer, activist, writer, and sexual being. My pronouns are she/her/hers, and good sex is what we all deserve. I don’t know that I’ll ever have. I don’t know if it’s possible to be a person who has sex with men, and not deal with fuqbois. I don’t care how you identify where you are, they are in every corner. They are everywhere. Beware. A Fuqboi is someone who in my definition is someone who is almost like they mix, there’s the component of sex, they don’t always have to be your sexual partner. But Fuqboi often are your sexual partner. And in place of all the things that we would like to accompany sex, romance, emotional connection, passion, communication, what Fuqbois offer is manipulation and gaslighting.
I don’t know why we are drawn to Fuqbois. They’re just around. They’re always there when you don’t need them. Even if I say no for the next 10 times that they come around for a booty call, they will be right back. They’re like boomerangs it could be on their last dying breath and they will find a way to continue their Fuqboism. It’s like a piece of food that’s like on the label it says you are going to get cavities and have a heart attack. But it will be the most delicious piece of food you’ve ever had. Well okay, it’s all that’s here and I’m starving, so let’s eat it.
My advice to others about Fuqbois is indulge engage if you need to but just know that no overnights, don’t cook for them, do not provide them the girlfriend experience because they will not provide you the boyfriend experience if you are in a hetero relationship. So it’s no I’m not getting you water shut up and do me and leave. You know what I mean? Because otherwise then I’m like, here’s water, here’s eggs, and then I’m just doing dishes. I’m not doing that. My best defense is just to assume that everybody’s a Fuqboi. Even my mom, anybody can be my boy in the new millennium.
My relationship to my body growing up was it certainly wasn’t as it is now. I just saw my body as something that naturally moved in a certain way that I would get chastised for when I did move in those ways. I was very demonstrative with my body. I was naturally very squishy and what I wanted to explore were ways to kind of extend that but I was being asked to be more rigid. And I learned that I would be sort of scolded if I weren’t more rigid with my body, and my movements and basically, that’s just like an abstract way of saying like, you know, people wanted me to act like a boy, or whatever that means and that didn’t jive with me.
I had a crush on the high school jock, or what age it was just, it was like Junior High jock. And he was a jock. I was like, I wasn’t good at school so I don’t know why I was offered to study. […] And of course, we just watched TV. But we ended up like wrestling. It was like this beautifully erotic moment where we were wrestling and sharing each other’s space and so close to each other. Of course, it was like that movie moment where we one of us ends up on top of each other, and like, our faces are an inch apart. It was almost an out of body experience.
I’d never had sex, but that was like the most sexual experience I’ve ever had up until that point, and even for quite a while after. To me it was as if we had made passionate love. We just wrestled and got close to each other’s face. I don’t know if it was the same for him as it was for me. But it seemed like it because he came back the next day. For more studying. I was, I guess what people would call a late bloomer, literally, I mean, the puberty that I wanted to go through happens later in life, you know, my medical transition. And so I was well into my 30s. I don’t even know what age we won’t even go there that I actually had sex for the first time.
I was so starved for any sense of connection to community, to what I eventually found, when I was younger that I would have taken any inkling of music or film or television or media that showed transness and trans-people in a positive light. And so that’s why I decided to create this album, A Girl Like Me: Letters to My Lovers. I wanted to not only hear music sung by a person of trans experience, about the trans experience. But what I really also hope is that it’ll be inspiring to people who are cisgender, to people who aren’t trans. Oh, this is what it’s like to hold space with a trans woman. And to see a trans woman being loved, not beaten up. To see a trans woman as the object of desire, not the butt of a joke.
So I was like many people on the search on the quest for love, and I found it in the most unexpected way he was getting a raccoon for his neighbor. Yeah, I believe that. Once I found it, I ended up in a beautiful relationship, a loving relationship that lasted a while, spoiler alert, we broke up, but in sitting down and figure out what I wanted to write about and sing about. I said, let me write about this relationship. And so I wanted to have this song that kind of paid homage to the journey of love, and the pitstops of Fuqbois. And it’s not a bad thing. The song Best Sex is the song that I wrote about these Fuqbois. It honors them in a way, it just tells the truth about who I think that they are. And they don’t have a lot of redeeming qualities, but they definitely have some of the best sex and we need sex.
I do believe that sex is a part of a healthy existence as humans, it can feel good, it can make us feel good about ourselves. It can make us feel wanted and desired. But it can also make us feel bad. It can make us feel bad about ourselves, about our bodies, about each other. And so finding sex is not the end goal. Finding sex, finding good sex, finding sex that does do all of those things and makes us feel good and seen and appreciated. That’s a kind of a high bar.
Then there’s like average street sex. And then the average street sex is what the Fuqbois are dealing, right. It’s like junk food. You know, it’s not necessarily good for you. It tastes good. Feels good. cumulatively, it’s not gonna be good for you. But it is important to get some food in your belly. So it’s better to have sex with a fuck boy than no sex at all for your whole life, I believe. So check out my album A Girl Like Me: Letters to My Lovers anywhere you stream music and follow me on @peppermint247 on all socials. Thank you for listening to GOOD SEX.
GOOD SEX is a Lemonada Media Original. Produced by Claire Jones and Matthew Simonson. Our supervising producer are Kryssy Pease and Xorje Olivares, and our executive producers are Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Molad with additional music from APM music and Peppermint. Sound design is by Matthew Simonson. If you like GOOD SEX, the show, not you know, why don’t you rate and review us on iTunes. This episode is our season finale. But don’t worry, we’re already back in production for Season 2. So catch us on June 15th for more episodes of GOOD SEX, and if you have your own story of a time that you had good sex, we want to hear about it. So call us at 8334-LEMONADA. That’s 833-453-6662. Thanks for listening.