Subscribe to Lemonada Premium for Bonus Content

Sarah luxuriates in rest and scores some new fecal vocabulary from a caller. She also hears from her namesake, the other Sarah Silverman, and advises a caller on how to cope with her grief.

You can find the clip Sarah mentions from @regularcarreviews here.

You can leave a voice memo for Sarah at speakpipe.com/TheSarahSilvermanPodcast.

You can get tickets for Sarah’s Post Mortem tour here.

Follow Sarah Silverman @sarahkatesilverman on Instagram and @sarahksilverman on TikTok. And stay up to date with us @LemonadaMedia on X, Facebook, and Instagram.

For a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this and every other Lemonada show, go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors.

Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Rich, Sarah Silverman, Jared, IG recording, Sarah, Connie

Sarah Silverman  00:01

Hi everybody. It’s your old pal, Sarah back again, talking into your ear holes. Hopefully not too nasal, but I can’t help it, hmm, I guess I can talk like Anne Pomeroy, my secret alter ego that speaks like this, and it’s not very nasal, is it? I don’t think it’s very nasal. Um, I’m back to the old me. Okay, I, you know, I had a realization. Actually, I think my therapist maybe pointed this out to me a while ago, and I remembered it, if I’m being totally honest, but times where I let stress get to me, where I can focus on one thing that’s stressing me out and obsess about it. When does that happen? It doesn’t happen when I’m busy. It always happens in a moment when I am allowed to rest. That’s when I conjure up problems in my relationship. I conjure up problems with how I’m perceived in x, y, z, which is, by the way, never my business. But it’s in moments when I am allowed to rest, and the solution can’t be, don’t rest. But I will say, being on the road, I was able to not think about anything I needed. You know, that would worry me. I was, you know, what a time, all during the election and through the inauguration and past, being on the road and not being able to stop and think about the state of the world too long, was a blessing for me, a little gift. But now here I am, I am home, and I’m sitting still, which I love, as long as I can usher out these thoughts of worry that only have a luxury of to occur in moments when I am able to rest. So the solution can’t be don’t rest. Obviously, the solution is to rest while resting, to protect the fact that I am in rest mode when I am resting and not let my brain fill up with the horrors made up and real around me, because that’s not rest at all, and that makes me not very helpful to anyone. So I thought I’d share that with you, because I bet it’s true for you too. I’m not that special. All right, let’s take some calls.

 

Rich  04:00

Hey, Sarah, this is Rich in Seattle. Side note, I grew up in Connecticut, and spent a lot of time in New Hampshire, so I know that state quite well. I was just listening to the latest episode, and someone called in talking about using the term making to make, aka, to make a duty. I don’t know if it’s a Jewish thing, but my Jewish parents still to this day refer to it as making and they’re going to make. They also used to when I was a kid, refer to fart as a fluffy but that’s a side note, so it is a thing they do say they are going to make. But I wanted to gift you with the term that my friends and I use, and that is grouching. We take a grouch. It evolved from grumpy. When I was in college. We would say we were going to take a grumpy, and then that turned into grump, and then I had a friend who then evolved it further into grouch. And that was a. Almost 25 years ago, and still to this day, I tell my wife, I’m gonna go grouch. So that’s for you. You can use that enjoy.

 

Sarah Silverman  05:08

I like a grumpy yeah, make it. I remember that call, of course, that was not long ago, but make and make a duty. And it this on the Sarah Silverman program. There’s a, I don’t know how there’s an episode where this is how long ago? This was 2009 maybe before gay marriage was legal. If you can imagine, Well, imagine it, because it’s probably going to happen again. But Brian and Steve. Brian had promised Steve, as soon as it was legal, they’d get married, and then the new mayor was going to make it legal. So we invented another candidate for the election, named may co duty, and that because Brian didn’t want to have to marry Steve and and we sang a song. Make a duty. Make a difference. Make a difference. Make a duty today. Make a difference. Make a difference. Make a duty today. Make a duty on Tuesday. Make a duty for the children anyway. Noted, thank you, grouch, I’m gonna take a I’m gonna make, a grumpy. All right, what else?

 

Sarah Silverman  06:32

Hi, Sarah. I hope you don’t mind that this is now my third time calling you in the past two years, but I’ve always really appreciated your wisdom and your past responses. So thank you so much. It is now […] the 23 year old Sarah Silverman who very much looks up to you calling in, and I actually moved to Canada a few months ago for grad school, so I bought tickets to see your show in Toronto last weekend, which was just phenomenal. I brought a few of my friends who weren’t very familiar with your work, and they had such a good time, and thought it was so funny. And I, of course, loved the fact that you put my name on all of your merch, so I had to buy a half. Thank you so much. But yeah, in terms of a piece of advice, I was just wondering, because I also lost someone very close to me recently, and it was very sudden, so it’s been pretty difficult. And I was wondering when something happens to you that you wish you could tell one of your parents or someone else you’ve lost, do you now just write it down or tell someone else, just because I’m having trouble contending with the fact that I’ll never be able to tell this person again. You know what I’m going through and share joy and what I’ve overcome, and telling her things I would have told her otherwise. So just trying to understand how to cope with the feeling of never being able to update someone about what’s going on anymore. And yeah, I would just appreciate your your insights. Thank you so much again. I loved the show. Love the podcast, and I hope you’re doing well, love you.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:02

Sarah Silverman, I’m so happy to hear from you. I remember the first time we heard from you. You were, I want to say you were at Columbia studying microbiology, or some, some big head, big brain stuff. I’m so happy to hear from you again. My name’s sake, I totally get it. Obviously, I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing. And you know, there’s no right or wrong thing, a few things, because there are things you can really only tell your parents, you know, the braggy, wonderful things that happen and the heartbreaking bummer things that happen are really like things that I were, things that I saved to talk to my parents about and and what I’ve been doing is I’ve been emailing them. I email my parents, and, you know, I don’t know where it goes, but it just feels like a kind of message in a bottle. Recently, I emailed my mom and my dad and my stepmother something and and I got a it It bounced back from my mom’s. My mom died eight years ago, and it bounced back from her AOL account, and it said her mailbox was full or something. And it, oh. It made me sad, you know? But this is, this is what is. It’s easy to slip into, you know that this is who I talked to X, Y and Z about, and now I have no one, but, you know, yeah, it was, I saved stuff for them that that they were kind of the only ones interested in that kind of. Stuff, and I could share with them the great stuff that you can’t really tell your friends, you know, and the proud of me stuff that only parents really love to hear, you know. I mean not that I have friends that are happy for me for things, and it’s not like all good stuff, but, you know, sometimes it’s like, just braggy stuff that I don’t know. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t like, put on my my friends aren’t necessarily looking it’s not that kind of relationship or or devastated kind of what do I do? Stuff that, you know, they were completely interested in and and as as interested in as as I was, because I’m, I was them, you know, I’m from them. I don’t know, there’s just certain stuff. I remember, I had a boyfriend, and we had a friend who was braggy, you know, and but he had lost his parents young, and I would always say, like, we should be friends, that he can say these things to he doesn’t have parents for that, you know, I get that, and sometimes you want to be able to be that For your friends, especially your friends that don’t have parents. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but, yeah, you could call them if they still have voicemail messages, machines, whatever voicemail things. You can email them. You can just write a letter or an email or a note and never send it or, you know, it’s basically a diary entry, but write it to them. It’s all the same kind of thing. And I choose to believe that, that they’re there, that they can see it, or whatever, because energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, you know, all that shit. So I guess emailing them was kind of my way of prayer, I guess, or something. Yeah, talk to them, write to them, whatever it’s it doesn’t matter. It’s about you, expressing and believing that they’re there, but I guess you’re not going to get an answer back, most likely. Sometimes I really need my dad’s advice, and I just have to imagine what he would say. And a lot of times I can imagine what he would say, and it’s helpful, you know, and even if it’s only in that way, your loved ones are still there, because you you know them that well, you know, you can kind of make the AI version of them in your head and still talk to them, still hear what they might have to say. I don’t know. And you know, the biggest thing is that you, when you lose someone, you get to have the best parts of them, if they live on in you. And that’s great. You know, for everyone, maybe I don’t know, good to hear from you again, what else?

 

Jared  17:28

Hi, Sarah, it’s your P pants pal Jared, I was a bed wetter until I was somewhere around 11, and I’ve never really spoken to any adults about it as an adult, and it was very cathartic to read your book the bed wetter, and also to hear you talk about it. Occasionally, you have some experiences that are stunning to me that your parents would send you to summer camp is amazing, but if I were to share some of mine, I bet they would stun you, too. Parents just deal with things differently, and sometimes it’s not great. I guess, in your book, the bed wetter, you said, make it a treat. And I love that to this very day, I utilize it in my life. It’s so applicable to so many situations. And I’m curious if you made that up, or if it’s wisdom that you’re passing on. Also, I just want to say I’ve been following your career since the first time I ever saw you. You were with, I believe, Jay Moore, and you said, we’re not on a lot, so we better try and score.  I loved that. It was really nice to see you in the audience at the SNL 50th. Also have a great day, Sarah, and thanks for being you.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:51

I think it was well I was hired. We were all three of us hired the same year as featured performers, Jay Moore and myself and Norm McDonald um, yeah, make it a treat. Is wisdom that I am passing on and and you don’t remember this, but it wasn’t my book, and I think the chapter was titled Carrie, because my best friend since high school, and to this day Carrie, when we were when I had my one year of college, my freshman year at NYU, and she was at Howard, she came to visit me, and I was rolling joints. She just joints, because I couldn’t believe this freedom. I can smoke I can smoke cigarettes, I can smoke weed. And, you know, there’s no parents, there’s no one to like, I couldn’t believe it, and we smoked weed, and it was fun. And then, like, we woke up the next day and I was rolling a joint, and I light it, and she’s like, No thank. You and I go, what? Why? She goes, Sarah, don’t become the Stoner. Don’t be the like person who’s stoned all the time. It’s gross. Like weed is fun. Make it a treat. Don’t make it your fucking identity. And you know, it changed my life. It really, I really heard her, and she was so fucking right, and just like you that make it a treat those three words has has been applicable in so many things in my life, from fruit food to activities, to anything, you know, it’s like anything you enjoy. You enjoy it because it’s a treat after a day of work or after you get this done, or, you know, if it’s all the time, it’s no longer a treat. It’s, uh, it’s your lifestyle. And then it can’t be a treat. You know, I love weed. I smoke it daily, but at the end of the day when when work is done and I have a puff. But, yeah, that’s Carrie who I just saw, and is just, I have a few best friends that are just my fucking world, and I learned so much from them. You know, I It’s, I always find it very interesting when people don’t surround themselves with people that they admire and look up to. You know, there are people that do that, and there are people that surround themselves with people that they’re, they think of themselves as the the top brain, and then they have, just like a bunch of minion type friends, and I don’t know why that would be interesting to anyone. Um, all right, there you go. Thank you, what else?

 

Connie  22:01

Hey, Sarah, I’m Connie calling from Spain. I just discovered your podcast, like a month ago, and I’m listening every day. I love it, and so thank you for that. I wanted to ask you something because I’m getting married in a month and a half, and I’m having maybe second thoughts. My boyfriend is great. I love him very much, but the issue we have is that we have problems with our communication. He’s not very open to talk and think about what makes us struggle, and so I find myself like kind of alone many times we have kids from the other marriages and getting all the fam, creating a new family, it’s been hard, so I don’t know what to do. I have a deadline that is coming, and well, yeah, I would like to your input, and I just want to say thank you again. So love you, thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:17

Connie, It’s good you’re thinking about this stuff, and you don’t, you don’t have to get married. Um, what’d she say her weddings? That is your wedding in a month and a half. Is this the case? I don’t know if you can postpone it, but if you feel you can’t, and by the way, you can, the communication is not necessarily going to get better unless he is committed to working on this with you. Sometimes men need stakes, not threats, but look at you. You’re the only one with stakes here. You are unhappy with a vital part of partnership, and you’re getting married in a month and a half. This doesn’t have to all be on your shoulders, but what is your responsibility? Is your happiness? That’s your responsibility. Whatever that looks like. You may love this person if you cannot communicate with him, if he is not if this is not something he’s actively aware of and working on, and that you’re practicing together, that you are you both understand you’re on the same side and looking to make sure you both feel safe. But in this relationship, in the ways in which you communicate, do not go into a marriage with someone you are walking on eggshells around, or that you have to trick into communicating, or you need to get this out. This is important, and he needs to hear it, and if he scoffs at it, red flag you do not have to be in this relationship. If you want to be in this relationship and he wants to be in this relationship, you will both work on this, whole preferably with a therapist, a great couple’s therapists is, is a great thing, because they, they, not only is, are they trained in this exact thing, helping people to people communicate and come together without being him versus you or it is you guys versus what you’re not understanding about each with each other. What is this miscommunication? You know, communications, the whole thing. So don’t let anyone pressure you. Oh, it’s too late. It’s all planned. You’ve invited people fuck it. Life happens. This is a make or break thing. If it is for you, it is for me, and it’s something that I’m always working on with Rory, the two of us are working on, because without it, you’re fucked, not the guy who won’t communicate Well, his partner, that’s you, and you’re responsible for your happiness and you deserve it. Whatever’s going on with him, he’s not a bad person, but if he’s not interested in changing this, in practicing it, and working on it with you, and having code words or timeouts or some sort of thing in place to practice. It’s a practice. Then I don’t know that this is what you want for your life. I don’t know maybe it is, but it sounds like it isn’t. So you know, cold feet is your body telling you something. Listen to it. This is your this is gut stuff. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to get married in a month and a half, or it doesn’t mean you’re not going to get married in five years or in two years. Or maybe he isn’t the one for you, and you are going to go, who? And it’s it’s overwhelming, and it’s easier to just ignore it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. If he is not willing to work on this, but you have to let him know about it, then that is a red flag. I think he’s offended by it. If he doesn’t want to work on anything, change anything, oh, everything I do is wrong. That’s a big one. No, this is about two people learning how to live together and maximizing their happiness. And I’ll tell you number one in that is communication and being able to do it without fear, and you can always do it. And this is something my sister’s been teaching me with kindness. There is never a reason that you can’t express yourself to your partner without with not with kindness. You can explain how you’re feeling with kindness. There’s not a bad guy in this scenario, but you need to know a few things. There’s at least a game plan in place for figuring out these things that you’re gonna need if this is gonna be your life, you don’t have to apologize for this. This is important shit, and you didn’t deal with it before this, and now it’s too late. It’s not too late. You might get married and then you never fixes itself, you don’t fix it, he doesn’t fix it, and you get divorced. That’s not too late. So this isn’t too late, but good luck and prioritize your happiness. It’s not selfish. It takes all that stuff off. Of other people’s plates who are not in charge of your happiness. He is not even in charge of your happiness, but part of your happiness is a partner who is willing to work on how to communicate with each other. So there you go. Good luck. Oh, I hope this works out. Let me know how it goes.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:29

Hey, Sarah, this is Devin. I’m calling to get your perspective and reflection on this story. So I was hanging out with my parents, and and my dad was sharing about how he’s he feels like he’s going through this flamboyant era in his life. He calls it and which I love and voice support. I’m gay. I’m the only queer one in the family, and so, yeah, we’re open and whatever. And I. Hmm, it makes sense for my dad too, because he lives in Vegas, and, yeah, he’s allowed to express himself in whatever way. But my mom said something like, oh, that’s and that’s attractive or something, but something that I don’t know disappointed me. But I didn’t say anything at the time. I didn’t even say anything. But yeah, I feel I wish she allowed my dad to have more of this, and I know it might have been like a reaction to something less traditionally masculine, or like a patriarchal misogyny. I don’t know, reaction thing from culture and society. Yeah, I want to know your thoughts and perspective on this and also applying it to you in your life. Is there something that you’ve noticed that you have a reaction to that you want to, I don’t know, work on or let go of with your partner and allow him to have? Yeah, thanks love you, bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  35:53

Yes, um, so many things I don’t know how to put this in order. Um, yeah. I think your mother’s reaction is part of people of that age group, my age group as well, and and even younger, to a degree, were raised in a patriarchy, right, toxic masculinity, and we all take part in it. We all perpetuate it in some way. And it it to be mindful about those things. Is not just something for men, particularly straight men or or men who are very threatened by queer life, which bleeds into who am I? Then, if this is okay, you know, stuff, but also, like your mom’s reaction, I think I was a little I’ve been a little bit like that in the past, where I remember thinking, you know, if I found out, I wouldn’t want him to know this. But if I found out that my you know, and obviously always being pro queer, pro gay and ally, LGBTQA+ bla […] but within my own life, being attracted to a masculinity that is ultimately not healthy for anyone. And feeling like if I found out that my boyfriend was also into men, that would be a turn off to me, and I really have been thinking about that recently, because I don’t feel that way anymore at all. And it’s listen the things we are into or not into sexually. Sure, they’re probably affected by a bigotry or the way we’re raised, or the stuff, you know, the toxic, whatever that we were raised in, but it still is just our taste, you know what we’re into. I’m not saying you know, it’s there isn’t like necessarily wrong and right things. You know, people like big butts, people like small boobs. They like big you know, whatever you know you’re into. There’s usually a historical reason for it, but it’s got to be okay. And I think I was threatened at the thought of if a if I was with a guy who was also into guys. I don’t know where it, what it comes from. It’s a toxic masculinity I was raised in, and it’s so interesting to me, because I don’t have that feeling anymore. Um, but your mother’s reaction, yeah, that’s that’s just indoctrination into the patriarchy and gender norms and all that stuff that she doesn’t even consciously feel, you know, and it is too bad if that quelches, your father just your father’s desire to express himself exactly how he sees fit. That’s what we should be fighting for. Whatever that looks like. You know, there was an amazing let me see if I can find it, because it you don’t need to see it on Instagram. I don’t know who it was. Hold on, let me try to find it that I think would be interesting to play during for this question, Who did I send it to? I know I sent it. Okay, I don’t know who this guy is, but the account is regular car reviews on Instagram.

 

IG recording  39:39

Here’s the deal with straight men, and they’re loud cars, but they’re straight pipe Subaru’s and the lifted trucks with their over fuel diesel pumps. That behavior has nothing to do with us. Those are patriotic men showing off for each other, so let those Dodge Ram drivers just have. Their little peacock fest. It’s it’s heterosexual flamboyance. Now, most of what you’re seeing out there on a highway is a rolling fashion. It’s rolling drag queen culture for patriotic heterosexual men, the exact same fashion sense that goes on in drag culture goes on with patriotic American Truck Driving and loud sports cars, it’s ta da loud F bodies and lifted trucks are hyper masculine exaggeration of what a working class man is and does in the same way the drag culture is a hyper feminization of what a real woman looks like.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:39

I thought that was really interesting, you know, and a better analogy than when I see the souped up trucks of that guys have that are not really functional as trucks, but just like America guys, I from my friend Liz Winstead, we always say sorry about your penis whenever we see that. But this is a much better analogy. It’s not putting it down. It’s just saying this is the other side of the coin of flamboyance and expression, and if it’s okay for you, it should be okay for everybody, and however they see fit. All right, fun. What else?

 

Sarah  41:30

Hi, Sarah. It’s Sarah from Washington, both spelled with an H. I’ve been thinking a lot about quitting my job and working for myself full time, kind of taking a chance on myself with some strong hints that that’s like the right direction to go in. Can you tell me about the time you decided to take the leap into full time comedy? Was it kind of a no brainer, or did you have like, 17 million pros and cons lists like I do? Thanks.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:03

Uh, well, I would do both, you know, if you can juggle both and kind of work less at your job. Start working for yourself, and so that you’re covering your bases. I don’t want to just tell you quit your job. Work for yourself. There’s never a good time, which is also what I’m telling you, but I also know that work is not easy to come by right now, and you gotta pay bills and things cost a lot. I absolutely think you should bet on yourself and go for it. And it’s true, there is never a good time, but if you can kind of straddle both until you have solid footing, that might be a smart way to go about it. I don’t know what your regular job is. My regular jobs were bullshit jobs that were not careers at all. They I was a stand up since I was a teenager, and I worked as a I was a cocktail waitress. I was a waitress at a Mexican restaurant. And then the last two years, I worked a job. Job. I passed out flyers for the Boston Comedy Club on the corner of McDougal. And third, every day, from 4pm to 2am I made $10 an hour, cash. It’s 100 bucks a day, and it was great in the early 90s. That’s was a lot of money. And I had passed at some clubs I had, you know, my dad, you know, I I’ve told the story many times, but I went to one year of college. I had some money from scholarship. My dad paid the rest, and I took a year off to focus on stand up. And when I was going back, I was changing my major to arts and sciences because I wanted information. I didn’t want like movement class. It seemed like way too much money to major in drama for me and my family. I just thought I can take an acting class outside of school, but I want to, like, I want to be a comedian. I want knowledge. I want information, you know. And so before I went back, my dad called and said, If you drop out, I will continue to pay your rent for the next three years, as if it’s your sophomore, junior, senior year, which is saves him a lot of money and frees me up to be full time comedian. I still work passing out flyers, but and that really helped me. By the time I would have graduated, I was a writer on Saturday Night Live, and from there, I was able to always support myself through comedy. But yeah, that last day of passing out flyers, I was knocked unconscious by a drunk man. I. Who punched me in the head, and I was very happy to never do that job again. But it was a pretty great job. It was very interesting. I met a lot of very interesting people. Yeah, if so, this is my advice. Bet on yourself. Go for it, but listen, if there’s a way to work less days at your job job, while building your own thing until you can stand on your own, that’s the best case scenario. But I believe in you fucking go for it. If you don’t and you never do all that’s no good, is it? And Dad, we are winding down. This is the part of the podcast where I say, send me your questions or your thoughts or your proclamations or your statements or your insecurities or your anything you need to say, say it by going to speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast that speakpipe.com/theSarahSilvermanpodcast. And subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts, because that’s how we stay on the air. And if you haven’t yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You just hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com and you get bonus content you would not like to miss, trust me, that is lemonadapremium.com. Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast, we are a production of Lemonada media.  Kathryn Barnes and Isabella Kulkarni produce our show. Our mix is by James Sparber.  The show is recorded at the Invisible Studios in West Hollywood. Charles Carroll is our recording engineer.  Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer.  Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at @SarahKateSilverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.