Roastmaster General Jeff Ross joins Sarah in the studio, as the first ever guest on the podcast! The two reminisce about Patrice O’Neal and Greg Giraldo, the time Jeff brought a red, white and blue bong to Sarah’s family’s fourth of July, and why Jeff only roasts the people he loves.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Sarah Silverman, Jeff Ross, Ashley, Amy

Sarah Silverman  00:50

Hi everybody, look at me. I’m not by myself. Who is that? Oh, it was you. I’m not used to hearing others. Well, as you noticed and I clearly just noticed, I’m not alone. I’m with my good friend, Jeff Ross. He’s our first guest. I’m just gonna have friends pop in. It’s not gonna be a big deal. And boy, I reached out. He reached right back out. I love this podcast. You all know Jeff Ross. He is the roast Master General. He is the king of the roast, a brilliant comedian. I just did Marc Maron’s podcast, and he told me that his parents got married at your parents catering Hall in New Jersey.

 

Jeff Ross  01:40

Manor in Newark, New Jersey.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:43

I love it. It’s such a small world.

 

Jeff Ross  01:46

My great grandma, Rosie, she started a catering Hall in Newark in the 50s before chicks really had big businesses like that. She was a pioneer in her field. And Mark Maron’s parents got married there.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:59

It’s amazing. Jeff has been Emmy nominated most recently for this Tom Brady Roast, which was amazing. People don’t realize you have a lot to do with these roasts beyond your own kick ass crushing performances.

 

Jeff Ross  02:24

Thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:25

Remember when you wrote that book?

 

Jeff Ross  02:26

A while ago?

 

Sarah Silverman  02:27

It’s so good. I only roast the ones I love, busting balls without burning bridges.

 

Amy  02:32

Boy, you are a master at that.

 

Jeff Ross  02:34

Thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:35

It really is true. You say brutal things, and I’ve never seen you hurt anyone’s feelings, because when you do it, it really feels like love.

 

Jeff Ross  02:49

If I ignore you, that’s the insult.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:52

Yeah, definitely. Also, I was just on Kimmel, I can’t remember what it is Jimmy said, but I had no choice. I had to say,”Tell your face”. Of course, I thought of you because you’re the OG tell your face. I remember thinking I had said, “Tell your face”. And I go, “Well, Jeff didn’t make up, tell your face” then I looked at your website this is years ago, and it was literally tell your face dot com.

 

Jeff Ross  03:19

I bought it 20 years ago. Having a good time? Tell your face.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:26

I can’t remember what I said, tell your face about. I think because he started getting teary about my dad.

 

Amy  03:31

He said, “I’m not gonna cry”. And you said, “Tell your face”.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:36

Yeah, it’s so funny because, he cried. He’s a crier. We were talking about my dad and I said, “He loved you so much”, and I just saw water fill in his eyes. I wanted to hug him but instead, I went cry, which is so mean.

 

Jeff Ross  04:03

That’s awesome.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:06

I had to say, tell your face. Now, you understand.

 

Jeff Ross  04:09

I love it. I watched your special and I loved the special because I love your comedy, but I also loved your parents.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:17

I know.

 

Jeff Ross  04:18

Have be quoted in it. The video, at the end all of it, Bernie shine and all that was just such a compelling moment for me. Got a big kick out of watching your special.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:32

So in the special, I talk about Jeff coming to sit with my dad when he was dying. It wasn’t really something I rolled videoon, but when Jeff came and I captured that moment, plus another joke you said to him, which it wasn’t in my special and if you watch my special post mortem on Netflix, keep the volume on and watch the credit. Because there’s just a million easter eggs in there, including a video of Jeff talking to my dad.

 

Jeff Ross  05:06

I loved it. I feel like I may have been his last laugh. Within 48 hours, he was done. I was there sitting with him that day, and you were like, “Want to watch TV?”. And I said, “I’ve been watching Beef, but it might be a little intense for Schleppy right now”. He was like, “I don’t care. I’ll watch it”.

 

Sarah Silverman  05:31

You’re the reason we watched Beef, which is literally my dad binged beef on his deathbed. The limited series with Ali Wong and Steven Yeun. That’s so dark and fucked up. But, we like that in our family, of course. That’s so funny.

 

Jeff Ross  05:47

He watched the rest without us. I think I watched one episode I had to leave. You watched a couple with him. Then you came back in according to the story in the special, in real life also. Then you came to watch the rest. He’s like, I watchedit already.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:02

I couldn’t believe you watch Beef without me.

 

Jeff Ross  06:05

What a way to go.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:07

I know

 

Jeff Ross  06:08

I told Ali Wong when it happened and she didn’t know how to feel.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:13

I told her too. What do you do with that information? Amazing. Thanks.

 

Jeff Ross  06:23

It’s a compliment. But it’s also like, “Did it kill him?” I wear shleppies rainbow pool hat all the time.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:32

That’s right. You’re the only person outside the family that got somethine. I grabbed it because I knew you would want it. My dad always wore this, reversible gilligan hat bucket.

 

Jeff Ross  06:47

Bucket hat.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:48

Rainbow on one side and something on the other side. I go, “I’m grabbing this for Jeff”.

 

Jeff Ross  06:55

I cherish it.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:57

Yeah.

 

Jeff Ross  06:57

My favorite.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:58

Other things stuff I took was his t-shirt that says, “Peace is possible in English, Arabic and Hebrew”. He died just in time, and I took a sweatshirt (one of his short sleeve sweatshirts that he always wore). I took his scale, which I I never have a scale. I’ve never been someone who weighs myself, but I decided to take his scale and use his weight management system, which was I weigh myself every day. He goes, “I know my perfect weight”, and I weigh myself every day. And if I’m over, I eat less than, if I’m under, I eat more.

 

Jeff Ross  07:53

Very practical.

 

Sarah Silverman  07:54

Yeah. It’s not a big deal.

 

Jeff Ross  07:56

I kind of love that, he was checking it like a stock.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:02

That’s exactly right.

 

Jeff Ross  08:04

Whatever that big bike, that bicycle you got him.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:07

He loved it.

 

Jeff Ross  08:09

Where is that thing?

 

Sarah Silverman  08:12

I got him this electric tricycle. For a long time, he rode a bike. When he couldn’t do that anymore, he got an e-bike. When he couldn’t do that anymore, I got him a big electric tricycle, because you see them on sets and stuff, like people driving through on sets and lots in.

 

Amy  08:33

Shoe business in Hollywood.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:36

He loved it. He went everywhere. He decorated, he loved his tricycle.

 

Jeff Ross  08:45

He was a wonderful type of person.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:47

When they died, I gave it to an older in the apartment building. Give to Baby Huey.

 

Jeff Ross  08:56

It was a sight, man. I don’t know if I’m allowed to just go deep in Schleppy world right now, but I was thinking about playing poker with him like, faking bong hit heart attacks and all the funny shit he would say.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:14

I probably told this story on here. But years ago, Jimmy and I were still together, he had rented a beach house.

 

Jeff Ross  09:22

Right.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:23

It was like 4th of July, weekend.

 

Jeff Ross  09:25

I love the story.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:28

Dad was visiting and we had a poker game. Jeff shows up with a huge red, white and blue von.

 

Jeff Ross  09:36

For 4th of July?

 

Sarah Silverman  09:37

That we dubbed the joints chief of staff.

 

Jeff Ross  09:43

That might have been Jimmy Kimmel’s joke.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:45

It’s gotta be. The joints chief of staff. My dad, who, “Yeah, he’d take a little puff of pot”, but he took a huge bong hit. So much smoke blew out of his mouth. I was so scared.

 

Jeff Ross  10:04

I thought there was a new pope.

 

Sarah Silverman  10:05

I’m a wreck because, it’s like New L.A weed. I go, “Dad, this is not like regular weed. It’s really strong”. We were on a second level that had like a balcony. He was fucking with me, because I was so worried about him being high. Then he goes, “Sarah, you know what? I think I can fly”. He start running towards the balcony like this. And I’m like, “Dad, no”, but he was just fucking with me, but he was very high. He sits down, he plays maybe one more poker game, and the bedrooms are downstairs. He goes, “I gotta go to sleep. I can’t do this anymore. He starts making his way downstairs. And Jeff goes, I’ll be in a minute”. It’sthe little things.

 

Jeff Ross  11:01

I remember when he was asking me about a girlfriend once, and he’s like, “Do you love her?” He’s asked about love, and I remember him saying (he’s probably said this to you), but he’s the only person ever to say this to me. He said, “to love is beautiful, but to be loved delicious”. And everyone loved him. I respect the fact that Schleppy was ready to go when his wife passed away?

 

Sarah Silverman  11:28

He really just wanted to be with Janice. He said, “You’re all doing great. I’m not worried about”. You just want to go.

 

Jeff Ross  11:40

How old was he?

 

Sarah Silverman  11:42

Eighty five.

 

Jeff Ross  11:43

That’s a good run.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:44

Almost eighty six. He totally had his marbles completely, but he didn’t want to be here without her. He really didn’t.

 

Jeff Ross  11:57

My sister’s in laws are in their 80s, and I had a engagement party from my nephew this weekend. That night, I had a show Friday at Largo, I did my banana show.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:14

Flanagan texted me. He’s like, “It’s so brilliant”.

 

Jeff Ross  12:17

He loved it.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:18

Yeah.

 

Jeff Ross  12:19

My whole family came, which was obviously nerve wracking, but also beautiful. But, my sister’s in laws I’ve known since I’m a kid, since then they went to the prom together. Now, these older people – Alice and Paul, they’re like my aunt and uncle, my parents. I’ve known him my whole life. They’re in the hotel, and he slips and he hits his head fuck. He misses the engagement party the whole next day. The whole joke was like they were all my brother in law and his family were jealous, because my sister and I, we lostour parents young. They don’t have to deal with any other bullshit. So, this guy’s getting a pacemaker. He’s ruining the engagement party. Everybody’s worried about him. He feels bad, but not that bad, because he likes the attention a little bit, I think but suddenly, there’s some about handling all that stuff when you’re young, it’s hard. But, I look at my friends now with their old parents, and I go, “Oh, that’s a tough one”.

 

Sarah Silverman  13:21

Well, you went through the hard part early. Lucky you. Should we take calls?

 

Sarah Silverman  13:33

All right, what do we got?

 

Speaker 1  13:48

Hey, Sarah. Hey, Amy. I’ve just wanted to ask you and Jeff Ross, a question. Growing up, I always listen to comedy, especially the roast to kind of get me out of a funk when I was in a bad situation. Really helped me out, especially in high school when I went to a very racist school. People was very racist in Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania, it just helped me kind of get the confidence to kind of drove back to people when I was being bullied. Always watch the Rose and Jeff. Like Jeff was always the king of the Roast. One of my favorites was Greg Giraldo, Patrice O’Neal, they’re both like 15 and 14 years past this year. So,just want to see if you had any stories of them together, you guys together. These are your contemporaries, your peers at the time. I was wondering if you had any stories to kind of keep their names alive, keep their memories in our hearts. I love y’all both. Take care.

 

Sarah Silverman  14:57

I love them both. But, you had way more experiences with them, because you’re in New York a lot longerthan me.

 

Jeff Ross  15:07

Greg Giraldo, I’ll start there made me funnier, because he would get booked to open the roast.

 

Sarah Silverman  15:17

That’s right.

 

Jeff Ross  15:19

I would always have to follow him so him and Jesse Joyce would write these searing, hilarious roasts. Then I had to try to do whatever was left over. And it forced me to look for angles and ends that nobody could think of that were personal to me or so well researched. I always felt like Greg Giraldo, it was for me and him and those roasts was like Ali Frazier. There’d be no Ali without Frazier, and same back and forth. It made me so much better. When he finally passed away, I was heartbroken because I admired him, and then they put jesel neck in that spot.

 

Amy  16:05

You so often close the Roast so you write pages and pages of jokes, then you’re just crossing them out as different comics hit it before you. The really weird, ominous thing was that Greg closed the Roast, the last Roast he did before he died. The trees closed the last Roast he did before he died.

 

Jeff Ross  16:34

Interesting. Greg also, I don’t know if I’ve ever told this on a podcast, but when he was a open micer, he still had one foot in the law. He was a Harvard Law School graduate, who didn’t have his heart in it. Still got married young, and was living in his parents basement in Queens and struggling to get going as a comic. I was on Long Island doing a college gig with Red Johnny and the round guy. Some guy pulled a fake gun on me and I thought it was funny. I grabbed the gun, and I was an obviously fake toy. I walked around Red Johnny, John DiMaggio Futurama fame, he does Bender this, but this is way before that.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

He was in a comedy team.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

But, I wrote and I opened for. I jokingly give him a hug from behind and put the gun to his head and go. That was a terrible show, man (just joking around). Before I got the sentence out, I was on the ground handcuffed because somebody thought it was a real gun, and had notified the campus cops and the real cops earlier so they were like watching this gun. I couldn’t afford a lawyer, so I asked Greg Giraldo to represent me. Him and I slept in his parents basement with his wife so that we could get into the court by 8am from in Long Island. He was just looking to make friends in show business, so he did it as a favor. He danced circles around this local Long Island judge and got me completely dismissed from this inciting a riot charge.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Thank God. Besides, the fact that it is so stupid of you to do, anything that is resembles the shape of a gun and wagging, waving it.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

Around an activity center.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Probably a different time then, just beyond stupid.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

It was a toy, but I take responsibility. I remember me and Greg at Bonnaroo having so much fun watching Stevie Wonder and Jay Z and just dancing. I never really got to see the druggie side of Greg. It wasn’t part of my world. I remember he showed up. Me, him and David tell were doing a show Thanksgiving Eve. That’s always a big night before Thanksgiving for comedy. I remember Greg showing up so late that it screwed up our whole run of show. I was like, “Oh, I see what’s happening here might have been my dad, driving erratically and talking a mile a minute on cocaine or something. I was like, “Oh, I recognize this”. That’s when I realized, “Oh, he’s a totally different guy than I know. At the Rose, he wasn’t like that”.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Piece of him, right?

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

That was the beginning of the end. But, I do remember one of his last Roasts was for Joan Rivers, our friend, Joan – who loved you, Sarah.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

I loved her so much.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

This is nothing to do with modern times, but it’s the rule that Joan was protecting Melissa was like leave Melissa out of the Roast.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

She loved Melissa so much. She was very protective of her. Of course, Melissa is a tough cookie.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

Yeah, now she’s a woman. But back then, she was just like, “Hey, maybe I’ll be around show business too”. Not really sure what she was getting into.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Leave Missy out of it.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

And Greg Giraldo goes on first. It just does 12 minutes, like eviscerating the Nepo baby angel. Before that was a thing.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Yeah. Melissa had it so easy.

 

Jeff Ross  16:38

Melissa kind of took it well on camera, but she walked up to Greg in the commercial break, and she’s like, “You knew the rules”. And Greg looked at me like, and I was like, “Dude, you’re fine. You did your job”.

 

Sarah Silverman  16:38

Yeah. He’s exactly the kind of comic that you can’t give any of us on when given rules. It’s want to break those rules.

 

Jeff Ross  17:01

One time at a Roast, they were like, “Don’t make fun of Jerry Lewis’s kids from the muscular dystrophy telethon”. And I was like, “Oh, that’s an easy one to keep”. All the comics were totally fine with that. I was like, “What a weird thing to say”.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:21

Were you boasting Jerry Lewis?

 

Jeff Ross  21:23

Yeah. You know, Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese, they’re all there at the Friars Club Roast beef. There wasn’t on TV. Of course, I racked my brain for weeks going, I need a joke that makes fun of the kids that Jerry will like, the impossible formula.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:23

Because you wanted to. You had to break that rule.

 

Jeff Ross  21:29

Take it right to the line. I remember being on the phone with John Max, who’s a great comedy writer, we wrote it together on the phone. It was basically, “Everyone makes fun of you, Jerry”. But what about the good things that Jerry Lewis does? What about the fact that this past Labor Day, a six year old boy got up out of his wheelchair and walked for the first time to turn off the Jerry Lewis telepath?

 

Sarah Silverman  22:11

That joke is so famous now, though.

 

Jeff Ross  22:12

Jerry Lewis loses it laughing. I have a picture on my wall of him laughing with De Niro and Scorsese, slapping each other. Of course, Jerry Lewis had a heart attack on the plane, flight home. I blame myself. I don’t host anybody over 80 anymore, but breaking the rules. Other thing about Greg is he wasn’t in show business the way I’m in show business. I want to keep doing the roast. I love being out in California.He was still living in New York, he didn’t give a fuck who he offended. It gave him a little bit more swagger than maybe some other comedians might have. He just didn’t care. And I really admired about that. He had freedom.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:52

Yeah, and then Patrice. My only story about Patrice, and it’s not even a personal story it’s just I remember a night at the cellar upstairs (not in the club) but upstairs, where the comics hang out at the olive tree. Patrice was holding court up there.

 

Jeff Ross  23:13

As you would.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:15

I was just crying laughing. Coincidentally, Tig Notaro was there, and she was right outside the comedy cellar, holding court and murdering. I was literally running back and forth from one group surrounding Tig for one group surrounding Patrice just sobbing, laughing at these two polar opposite comedians. Justtalking shit to other comics and just all of us sitting around, just soaking it in.

 

Jeff Ross  23:50

I love it. But the thing that Patrice had, was this fearlessness and this super sarcastic thing that we just pulverize people. I love that. That’s sounds like a scene from crashing or hacks or something, right? You’re going from one comic to the other, just laughing at both of them.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:09

Couldn’t write it, because they are so brilliant and so unique.

 

Jeff Ross  24:14

Patrice with the Roast. Since the question was about the Roast. I produced the Roast way back when, right up until now. A lot of times these wouldn’t get made unless I started putting feelers out to celebrities to get roasted, like nobody was really fishing actively. Everywhere I would go, would come up.I had been touring with Charlie Sheen.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:43

Oh, right. Tiger blood.

 

Jeff Ross  24:46

I didn’t know him, but his shows were tanking. They needed somebody to come out and make fun of himon his crazy, winning tiger blood tour. I had never made that much money before, so I couldn’t resist it. They needed me, because I was roasting him in different cities. I was building up this whole act. I was like, “Charlie, this shit is too good. We’re gonna have to roast you on Comedy Central. They’re gonna pay you well”. He was sober at the time, so he was taking it really well. I had been asking Patrice O’Neal for years to do the roast because I knew that he was a secret weapon, he’s like an assault rifle of roasting, because I would see him the way you saw him at the table at the comedy cellar, nobody was safe. He’s like, “I don’t want to roast him. I don’t want to roast her. I asked him so many times for different roasts and he always said, “When you roast somebody, I know I’ll do it”. I go, “Patrice, you don’t know anyone. You don’t talk to anyone except these six comics at the comedy cellar”. Finally, Charlie Sheen comes up. For whatever reason, I needed to open or something, and I needed a closer. I took it one more. It’s not an easy call to make Patrice, he was a gigantic, intimidating, mean mofo. He was not going to be, “Hey, great to hear from you”. You know, he’s just like, “What? Huh? When? I got it. And he snaps at me a couple times. Finally, I go, “Dude”. He goes, “I don’t know Charlie Sheen”. I go, “Really?” Well, why don’t you try to figure out who you do know who he is? A million guys like that. You totally get it. He takes the gig, he shows up, and I see him on the red carpet. He’s in a black leather outfit, rock star, like he’s in the zone in his outward appearance. But, backstage right before he’s like, “I don’t know, this islast minute. None of my friends are here. All these white dudes wrote these material fo me. I don’t know how funny it is”. I go, “First of all, you don’t need your friends here. Make new friends, Patrice. You’re at this great show with all these great people that are rooting for you, that are trying to help you”. My best talks with Patrice were always arguments, but we respected each other so it didn’t get out of hand, and we listened to each other. He goes, I don’t know about my material. I go, “All right. Well, fuck the material, roast to roast. You’re going on last just pay attention”.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:38

He was brilliant.

 

Jeff Ross  27:40

That’s what he did. He addressed each one of us and what we did. William Shatner was there, he just went after each of you. He called me. He just basically just eviscerated me. I don’t get it with Jeff Ross. He was ruthless, and then ruthlessly funny. He was dead within a year. I think it was really crazy, hehad this kind of rock star moment, whole new thing, then he was just gone. Shout out to Patrice. Shout out to Gigi – the great Greg Giraldo.

 

Sarah Silverman  28:22

We were together when we found a Giraldo, because it was on my roof, right? I was not there?

 

Jeff Ross  28:28

I was at yoga for the people on St Mark’s with Alex Edelman.

 

Sarah Silverman  28:35

What?

 

Jeff Ross  28:36

I was showing him how to do yoga, basically.

 

Sarah Silverman  28:38

Because we found out one in the middle.

 

Jeff Ross  28:41

I’ll tell you what I do remember this about you and that. The whole comedy community was like, Greg, draw those in a coma. Everybody was paralyzed. I was like, “Let me just turn my phone off for an hour”. It was everybody, because at that point he was just a major player in the New York Comedy scene. He was beloved. I went to the funeral. Afterwards, it was a very emotional funeral.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:15

Todd Barry and I went, we got there early. His mother was there sobbing over the coffin, and his three young sons were running around not knowing what’s going on, just playing and running around.

 

Jeff Ross  29:31

Some of those kids are like comics now, that’s crazy. It’s awesome. But afterwards, we were all in a daze. You, me and Chris Rock, and Todd Barry, went to the Gemma over next to the hotel.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:49

Because I’ll never forget what Chris Rock said. Do you remember what he said?

 

Jeff Ross  29:52

Of course, you can tell it.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:53

We’re gonna say this, don’t take the hotel at the local gig.

 

Jeff Ross  29:56

Yeah, go home.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:59

One thing I learned about addiction, because he was fighting it and he was trying to be clean, but when you get that little (little idea in your head) and you’ve decided. You get this high before the high that you just know you’re gonna do it, and it’s a little secret you have with yourself, you’re suddenly excited.

 

Jeff Ross  30:26

The doctor just told me he’s gonna give me a prednisone for my sciatica. It sort of felt better immediately. Didn’t even take it yet. Sorry.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:36

He was working in Jersey

 

Jeff Ross  30:39

Stress Factory.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:41

Driven home.

 

Jeff Ross  30:42

Half hour.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:44

You take the hotel.

 

Jeff Ross  30:46

Party, hang and see people and who’s at the show. I hold that all the time, I remember that. I always go home, if I can go home, safer. No good is going to come at the Hilton two blocks from the gig, when you could be home in your own bed two hours.

 

Sarah Silverman  34:08

Yeah. It’s true. That wasn’t one question.

 

Speaker 2  35:03

Hey, Sarah. I love your show. Love you. Think you’re great. This is the fourth recording that I’m attempting, because I hate the sound of my voice. What I’m calling about is really personal. For most of my life, I’ve considered myself straight, always loved women, never really thought about anything else. But recently, I started watching porn that involved trans women, and it’s something that’s sexually exciting to me. It’s something that I really want to explore, my brain really wants to explore it in real life. The conflict for me is that these are real people, there’s a part of my brain that’s this is like a marginalized community, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to just go in with a fetish and treat people as just, when the scope of my interest is purely sexual. I don’t know if it’s appropriate. Your thoughts? That would be great. Thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  36:19

I think you can’t go wrong with honesty.

 

Jeff Ross  36:21

He wants to treat trans women as poorly as he treats regular women?

 

Sarah Silverman  36:26

No, he’s saying the opposite. First of all, we don’t know. Listen, have you never had sex with a cis woman purely for sex? On the other hand, he is making a point. That’s interesting. It’s kind of, you have any friends that only that are white or black, and only date Asian women or something. Some people like big tits, some people like small tits. Some people like, “I’m a ball, man. I like big, heavy balls”. It’s not a deal breaker, obviously, but I do enjoy them when I get them.

 

Jeff Ross  36:51

What about them? The weight, the taste, the feel, the look?

 

Sarah Silverman  37:00

I like the look, the feel of cotton.

 

Jeff Ross  37:15

I admit my penis isn’t big, but my balls are big.

 

Sarah Silverman  37:19

Yeah, I bet you have big pendulous balls.

 

Jeff Ross  37:21

Right? And that’s definitely my. Anyway.

 

Sarah Silverman  37:30

Not anyway. Let’s go on this.

 

Jeff Ross  37:34

The other day, I came home and my dog was jumped on the couch and she’d been in the pool earlier.

 

Sarah Silverman  37:40

Is this gonna tie to your balls?

 

Jeff Ross  37:42

When I come home, I want Nipsey to jump up on the couch. She runs right to the couch because she knows I’m gonna sit down and talk to her for a minute and tap her head, tell her nice things and tell her about my day. She tells me about what’s going on around the house and we have a little chat. But the other day, as she got looked me in the eye, she went right to licking herself. And I was like, “Nipsey, not now I just came home. Can we just talk for a second?”, I realized I was scratching my balls. Like, “Oh, okay”.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:18

She was just doing the same?

 

Jeff Ross  38:19

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:20

I guess we’re doing this now.

 

Jeff Ross  38:22

Yeah, it was cute.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:23

Oh, Nipsey. Okay, so let’s talk about this.

 

Jeff Ross  38:27

Help this guy out.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:29

I think honesty. If this is like, “Hey, I’m attracted to you, but this is kind of a kink and I’m conflicted about that”. Is that fair to you? You could probably find a trans woman that’s kink is straight presenting men. Just as long as you’re on the same page, if she was a cis woman. Your sensitivity is lovely, but it’s remedied by just honesty, honest talk.

 

Jeff Ross  39:02

Everybody’s up for something, if you’re honest.

 

Sarah Silverman  39:04

Yeah. I’m sure there’s a trans woman who would fuck you and not want to be your girlfriend.

 

Jeff Ross  39:12

This probably doesn’t trust the fetish. Like, why am i into this? Maybe is bringing out something I don’t like about myself.

 

Sarah Silverman  39:19

Also, you’re defining it as a fetish. If it’s just something that you want as a one night stand, or it’s purely sexual, this is all in your head. This is all theoretical. You may fall in love with a woman who’s trans. All these things are just theory. The fact that you’ve always defined yourself as straight, we’re learning now. It’s just such people are fluid. Either you accept it or you don’t, or you live that way or you don’t. I mean, you don’t have to define yourself. You don’t have to define your sexuality and stick to it. Not yet anyway.

 

Jeff Ross  40:02

You could just smoke a joint and jerk off the baby reindeer.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:06

Oh, is that what you do?

 

Jeff Ross  40:11

That’s what happens in baby reindeer, the lead actor falls in love for the first time.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:15

Yeah.

 

Jeff Ross  40:16

It’s a beautiful love story.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:17

That’s right. That was good.

 

Jeff Ross  40:20

They all got nominated for Emmys.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:22

Get nominated for an Emmy.

 

Jeff Ross  40:24

I remember being, (I never got nominated) that I got nominated. I went to this party, and the first people that I saw was the entire cast of Baby Reindeer, which I watched in the hospital when I was having surgery. I was, like, “Blown away. My sister and I like devoured that show”, I was kind of starstruck.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:44

That’s why I love the Emmys, because I love TV. So just like, “Oh my gosh, there’s that person”. You get totell them.

 

Jeff Ross  40:52

I saw Al Pacino the other night. It was kind of funny moment.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:55

How does that happen?

 

Jeff Ross  40:59

I was at a restaurant, and I knew a friend of his and I was with my brother in law.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:05

Isn’t that Italian restaurant that you swapped down the stairs?

 

Jeff Ross  41:08

No.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:09

I saw him there once.

 

Jeff Ross  41:10

No, the private club. He says, “Come over for dessert”, I’m with my brother in law and his mom was like family dinner. The pops was in the hospital, like I mentioned earlier. So it was like, “this will be a fun little thrill for Alice. She’s 82”. Al Pacino’s 84 or something like that. We’re sitting there and it was a lovely conversation. But at some point, just to bring it back that we’re talking about. Fisher Stevens is sitting there – the actor, phenomenal documentarian, and he starts telling AI Pacino about this TV show that he’s been watching. Al’s looking at him. He’s not really getting what the show is. I just stopped and said, Al a TV show is when you play a character over and over. It’s like a cute.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:05

No, he did. He was in a series.

 

Jeff Ross  42:07

I guess he was.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:10

Like, Nazi hunting series, wasn’t he?

 

Jeff Ross  42:12

Yeah, but I thought it was cute.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:16

All right. I feel like we answered that enough. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. Enjoy this life. Run towards joy would however that looks so you’re not hurting anybody else.

 

Jeff Ross  42:28

New adventures.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:29

Yeah.

 

Jeff Ross  42:32

Do people ever call and tell you how your advice went over?

 

Sarah Silverman  42:35

Yeah. We’ve been trying to get people so that my dream is that when we have like a Best of Show, we can air the question and the answer. Then, like the six months later.

 

Jeff Ross  42:47

Where are they now? Kind of thing. Sarah has a rabbinical quality about her so I understand why the question part of this. It’s fun to be a guest, but it’s really about her and the question person.

 

Sarah Silverman  43:06

The question person.

 

Jeff Ross  43:07

The questioner, the person answering a question. Sarah’s very good with life advice. I appreciate the format of the show.

 

Sarah Silverman  43:17

Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.

 

Jeff Ross  46:47

Thanks.

 

Ashley  46:48

Hey, Sarah. It’s Ashley. Hope you’re doing well. I love you and your comedy, and I wanted to get some advice from you on a guilty pleasure of mine. So typically, I’m pretty silly and a pretty easy going person, but when something is pissing me off, and it could be anything. It could be something that someone did, an event that’s happening, the weather (it could be anything). When something’s like reallypissing me off, I have this bad habit of just getting so negative about it. It really is a guilty pleasure, but particularly verbally complaining about these things that are pissing me off to no end privately when I’mby myself. It’ll be like when I’m in the shower, walking around the house, when I’m home alone, just complaining. I don’t have any problem confronting people or things that are bothering me. I just have this thing that I do, and it’s like habit that I call doing. My mom does the same thing, and she seems to think that it’s a good thing, because it helps us get our frustrations out without blowing up on whatever itis that’s bothering us. But, it’s also very exhausting as exhilarating and fun as it is, it’s pretty tiring. I wanted to know, how do you deal with things that piss you off, and do you do this? Thanks. Love you.

 

Sarah Silverman  48:17

That’s like stewing, fixating. Doesn’t sound that healthy, but I’ve absolutely have done it and do it where I just get. If I can’t get my head around something, my jaw will lock on it, and I’ll just think about it from every angle. But eventually, when you realize this is not serving unless this gets you through to the other side. This is like how you process, or it does something positive for you. It sounds like maybe listen to music in the shower. I don’t know. What do you think?

 

Jeff Ross  48:56

Getting off your phone and in the shower or something like that. A walk without your phone sometimes gives me clarity. I’m also better sometimes late at night or early in the morning when the phone’s not ringing, when the dog’s not barking, when the people are under the door.

 

Sarah Silverman  49:14

Anything ever piss you off? And you just lock into it and then build off of it, and it snowballs in your head and becomes something bigger. Or do you process through it to the other side?

 

Jeff Ross  49:27

I’ve done both if our friend Bernie Shine – the great magician was listening to this. It was a person that was doing this to you, Ashley. Our friend Bernie would say, “Then they win twice, whatever was bothering you, and then you’re carrying them around”.

 

Sarah Silverman  49:48

It’s so funny, because one thing that came to mind was I would follow some guy named Troy Blyden on Instagram. I don’t know him. He posted something he was with his uncle Malcolm. He says, “Uncle Malcolm, what is the thing you just told me”, he says. This guy goes the definition of anger is an emotional punishment you give yourself for someone else’s behavior. I was like, “Oh. Thank you, uncle Malcolm”.

 

Jeff Ross  50:21

Yes, that’s well said.

 

Sarah Silverman  50:22

Yeah.

 

Jeff Ross  50:24

He’s like a philosopher kind of person?

 

Sarah Silverman  50:26

I have no idea. I just saw it on Instagram. I was like, “Oh, this is great”.

 

Jeff Ross  50:30

You’ve all heard the expression they live rent free in your head or whatever. But, I try to stay positive and shake that stuff off unless it’s a decision. If you’re talking about a decision, then it’s okay to take your time and be thoughtful. You usually be your first instinct, right?

 

Sarah Silverman  50:51

It’s funny, she’s calling it a guilty pleasure. If this brings you pleasure, go for it. But, is it really giving you pleasure? Is it something that you have inherited from your mother that is familiar to you and less work because it comes naturally, because it’s written in you from an early age? Or is it something that you want to unlearn and that maybe you’ll be happier if you do so? I don’t know.

 

Jeff Ross  51:17

I don’t know if this is exactly applicable to this person’s issue, but sometimes writing it down. I’ve written letters that I haven’t sent.

 

Sarah Silverman  51:26

Totally.

 

Jeff Ross  51:27

I do pro and con lists when it’s a really tough one that involves like, travel or buying something or a big commitment. I really weigh it out and play it. Play it out like that.

 

Sarah Silverman  51:37

I write a long angry letters to people because you’re expressing it and you’re getting out. So, maybe that is what she’s doing. If that is a process that gets you through the other side, then great. If it doesn’t, it just snowballs into something that you’ve invented now. Eighty percent of it is now invented in your headof what, who, what x is thinking, what y is thinking about you that you’re imagining. Can rememberRory said something he had heard that was like, “You are who you think people think you are”. And that’s just what a waste of life and happiness. I try to go like, “What people think is not any of my business”, until it affects me directly. But, it’s just not our business. That’s a nice way to think about it, or not think about it.

 

Jeff Ross  52:37

Good luck, Ashley.

 

Sarah Silverman  52:39

Good luck. Ashley.

 

Jeff Ross  52:40

Let it go.

 

Sarah Silverman  52:41

Dad, wherever you are in time space, this is part of the podcast when they say, send me your questions. Go to speakpipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast that speakpipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast. Subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven’t yet, now is a super time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple podcasts or for all other podcast apps. Head to lemonadapremium.com for bonus content you won’t want to miss. That’s lemonadapremium.com. Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast. We are a production of Lemonada Media. Isabella Kulkarni and Isaura Aceves produce our show. Our mixes by James Farber.Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our theme was composed by Ben Fold. You can find me at Sarah Kate Silverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your prime membership.