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Sarah’s joined by her live-in lover Rory Albanese for part two of their conversation. The two make a sad announcement about their dog Sibby, come up with some new show taglines, discuss the butt-pussy continuum and try out their Aussie accents. They also hear from a caller in Italy whose love language is making Matt Damon and Ben Affleck comic books and another who’s reeling from the loss of a 5-month-long relationship.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Anna, Shaheen, Shana, Victor, Speaker 4, Gary, Amy, Rory Albanese, Shannon, Sarah Silverman, David, Speaker 3

 

Sarah Silverman  00:14

Hi everybody. It’s your old pal, Sarah. Can you see who I’m with? I’m with the love of my life, the fire of my loins, Mary -our dog, Mary. Just kidding, Rory and we have our pup, Mary right here. Mary says, “Let’s take Mary to work”.

 

Rory Albanese  00:37

Should I explain what happened why I wanted to take Mary to work?

 

Sarah Silverman  00:41

Sure.

 

Rory Albanese  00:42

We had to say goodbye to our big dog, Siby, not even a week ago. We could go tomorrow. We had to say goodbye to her, and it was one of the worst freaking things I could possibly think of. We did it and we had to, because she had cancer, and it wasn’t getting better. We thought it was, but then it wasn’t. It just rocked us so we want to make sure Mary is nice and safe so she came to do the podcast today. She seems thrilled. She’s into it.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:19

Yeah. This is Mary thrilled.

 

Rory Albanese  01:21

This is about as thrilled.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:22

This is Marion party mode. Yeah, it sucked. We talk about death here a lot, fucking guaranteed.

 

Rory Albanese  01:32

Wow.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:32

Yet it surprises us every time.

 

Rory Albanese  01:34

This is podcast slogan, we talk about death here a lot.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:38

Yeah.

 

Rory Albanese  01:38

That’s a tagline.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:39

Watch the Sarah Silverman podcast. We talk about death a lot.

 

Rory Albanese  01:43

Yeah, it’s pretty sweet.

 

Sarah Silverman  01:45

As you were saying, why we had to say goodbye? I thought maybe we should have just said, we had to put Siby down. We’re going out of town, and we didn’t find anyone to watch her, and we were just like, “Ah”.

 

Rory Albanese  01:57

I’m not ready. I’m not there yet. I’m not in joke mode. I even felt bad when I say it killed me, because I didn’t even like using the word killed there. It’s hard to process.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:06

Yeah, we were rocked just like you said. I will say, we are sad. This is what I always say. I know I told you too many times, but she’s out of pain. She is not in pain. We’re in pain, but I do want to say it was a beautiful. It was a good death.

 

Rory Albanese  02:26

Yeah. She loved to jet ski, and that’s how she went out on a jet ski.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:30

She wanted to go, and she made it clear to us.

 

Rory Albanese  02:37

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  02:37

She put her head right in Rory’s lap. I rubbed her and tickled her ears the way she likes, and we told her how much we loved her, and we thanked her. The doctor came in, and she went to sleep. She made that final noise that she makes when she’s purely relaxed then she was gone. Now, we grapple with that being hard.

 

Rory Albanese  03:08

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:08

But boy, we had three and a half phenomenal years with her. She was 10 and a half. We got her when she was seven.

 

Rory Albanese  03:15

We knew the risks. We knew what was gonna happen when we adopted an adult dog, which we wanted to do. We wanted to rescue a dog who needed a home, who nobody wanted. She was one, and I don’t know why nobody would want her. She was the best dog ever. That’s we did it. Sarah, put in a very good way, as you always do. You said we did the thing we set out to do, which is take a dog who had a terrible early life and give it the best end of its life it ever could possibly have. I definitely know we did that because we gave it. You definitely want to be a dog in our house.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:38

Yeah.

 

Rory Albanese  03:38

Although I will say that Mary’s breast just hit me in the face and I almost blacked out.

 

Sarah Silverman  03:52

I like it. My sister loves Mary’s breath. She always goes, “I love her poopy breath”.

 

Rory Albanese  03:57

This is beyond poop. This is like if poop, pooped. What it smells like, if poop had his own little butthole and pooped its own poop.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:09

Yeah, your shit breath just took a shit.

 

Rory Albanese  04:12

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:13

Get the mic on her head.

 

Rory Albanese  04:14

You want to talk?

 

Sarah Silverman  04:17

She’s absolutely silent. Mary makes zero noise for nothing.

 

Rory Albanese  04:22

She’s talking right now.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:23

Then she goes to sleep and snores louder than even this guy.

 

Rory Albanese  04:28

“Hey guys, podcasts are cool. What’s a marriage? It’s just character and podcast”.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:32

I’m gonna get married.

 

Rory Albanese  04:33

Mary was really good. You doing really good job.

 

Sarah Silverman  04:36

I did zero prep for this podcast because I’ve been so busy shoving my new special down, The Throats of America. It’s on Netflix. It’s called Post-Mortem and I hope you enjoy it.

 

Shana  05:05

Hi, Sarah. My name is Shana and I’m calling from Rome, Italy, but I am originally a Canadian. I would like your advice about what to do when you have a particular love language that involves writing comic books about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. I have been finding it very difficult to translate the humor here and every time I write a comic book for someone, I am broken up with within days. I’m just curious to find funny men, and what your take is on where to find them other than comedy clubs. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it from one Ashkenazi to another. Thank you very much. Have a lovely day.

 

Rory Albanese  06:19

Wow. To me, this speaks to me because it’s a really common phenomenon that I’ve come across a lot lately, which is a young Jewish woman from Canada who moves to Rome and is trying to find love through writing comic books about Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, and doesn’t seem to be able to do it. I mean, it’s a story as old as time.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:41

Yeah, it really is. You’re not alone. I’m sorry, wait. You are?

 

Rory Albanese  06:46

The only person off the planet.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:48

Actually, we have a very good friend in a couple who wrote a comic book for her.

 

Rory Albanese  06:54

We do.

 

Sarah Silverman  06:56

Yes, we do. She sent it in our chain. But they’re madly in love, and they’re still madly in love. Listen, eventually you will find the person that is a fit for you. Writing a whole comic book seems to be quite a big gesture. It sounds like you love writing comic books, and it’s very sweet that you will write a comic book for a love interest of yours. I’m saying this to help you, all about you. A love gesture has something to do with the other person. That’s why I like a note or a love letter, more romantic than roses or chocolates. You’re writing a comic book that may not be his love language, and thatmay not be about him in any way, or a reflection of what you are seeing in him, or the love that you have between. You’re giving different men the same gift and expecting a different result.

 

Rory Albanese  08:20

Also, the question is, the guys who are rejecting them are saying, “He’s no good”. I mean, I’m not there in Italy with you. But it really depends on the tone of he’s no good.

 

Sarah Silverman  08:34

If you want to find someone that is fucking jazzed about getting a gift that is a comic book original, an originally made comic book about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Maybe hang out at comic book stores.

 

Rory Albanese  08:52

Maybe start with telling the person that is important to you before you get too deep into it and then are shocked when they’re not into it. Be open with that.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:03

Get on the dating app and say, “I’m really into comic books and writing comic books. Then everyone you’re fixed up with will know that, and they’re interested. All right. Good luck.

 

Rory Albanese  09:20

Good luck […].

 

Sarah Silverman  09:23

A love gesture involves the other person. I’m not saying like you’re an asshole. That’s not what I’m saying. But, sometimes we need to remember that.

 

Rory Albanese  09:35

I’m so interested in this woman’s story, just in general. What’s she doing in Italy.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:41

Oh, why don’t you fuck her, Rory?

 

Rory Albanese  09:43

Well, book me a flight.

 

Amy  09:45

Hey, baby.

 

Sarah Silverman  09:47

Hey, baby. I think Mary likes this. All right.

 

Rory Albanese  09:50

She loves doing podcasts.

 

Shannon  09:52

Hi, Sarah. My name is Shannon. I’m from Salt Lake City, Utah. Quick question for you after you take a really good shit. Does your pussy ever pulse?

 

Rory Albanese  10:05

Now, that’s a question for now. That’s how you ask a question on a podcast, right to the point.

 

Sarah Silverman  10:10

It’s concise.

 

Rory Albanese  10:12

It’s got all the things of making of a great answer coming out.

 

Sarah Silverman  10:15

This sounds like a crazy question, and yet I feel like I know what you mean. I think there is some correlation between the vagina and its sex feelings and shitting. Maybe I dreamt to that. I would say, I know that feeling you’re talking about where it feels like there’s a heartbeat in your vagina. I would say that comes usually after orgasming.

 

Rory Albanese  10:50

I don’t know a lot about the female anatomy, but there is a heart in the vagina.

 

Sarah Silverman  10:54

The heart of the vagina?

 

Rory Albanese  10:56

I know you bitch.

 

Sarah Silverman  10:58

That’s interesting. I think because you’re pushing.

 

Rory Albanese  11:04

I don’t know

 

Speaker 3  11:07

I have a disgusting anecdote.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:10

Oh, wonderful.

 

Speaker 3  11:12

I remember when I first got my period and I would put tampons in. I had to plan it for after I took a shit because the tampon would come out with the exertion.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:24

Yes.

 

Rory Albanese  11:24

Because you were putting them in your butt.

 

Speaker 3  11:25

No.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:27

Because you’re pushing and t pushes out your tampon, totally.

 

Speaker 3  11:33

I do.

 

Sarah Silverman  11:34

I do understand that, yes. Also when you’re wiping, assuming you wipe front to back, then the string can get in your  shitty asshole.

 

Rory Albanese  11:54

Best Disney movie ever do, “Shitty, shitty asshole”.

 

Speaker 3  11:59

There is a scientific answer. It’s the pudendal nerve which controls the anal sphincter. This nerve is also the main nerve of the perineum and genitals. It carries sensation from the urethra and clitoris in females and sensations from the penis and male stimulation of the pudendal nerve during pooping may result in feelings of pleasure.

 

Rory Albanese  12:21

The pudendal nerve is where the term tampon comes from. That’s what it’s from.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:25

A year ago, Tess imagined where she’d be in a year.

 

Rory Albanese  12:29

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:29

And this wasn’t that.

 

Rory Albanese  12:30

She’s like, “Maybe this job will lead to writing and working in production. Instead, she’s googling pudendal nerve.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:37

She’s good. What were the surge words – coming, shitting.

 

Speaker 3  12:41

Pin shitting, stimulate feeling of sex release.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:45

Very good search words.

 

Rory Albanese  12:46

Search words.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:47

That’s why she’s Tess.

 

Rory Albanese  12:48

I would have gone with “Vagina pulse poo, poo”.

 

Sarah Silverman  12:52

Vagina pulse, duty, coming, heart, pulse.

 

Rory Albanese  13:00

Heart pussy duty. It’s like those magnets that you put on your fridge with all the words.

 

Sarah Silverman  13:06

Live, Love, Laugh.

 

Rory Albanese  13:10

I’m gonna go home to get a heart pussy duty sign. Put it above our couch.

 

Speaker 4  13:20

Sarah, I just watched your special on Netflix, and I cried the whole time. I laughed the whole time. I thought it was oneof the most beautiful comedy stand ups I’ve ever seen. You’re amazing. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful life.

 

Sarah Silverman  13:40

Thank you so much for calling and for saying that, it just fills my whole pussy heart. But thank you so much, and I appreciate it. Of course, she’s talking about Post-Mortem on Netflix. What else?

 

Gary  13:57

Hey, Sarah. It’s your best friend, Gary. Until last February, I was in a 24 year marriage. I met my husband. I was in the closet, met him, fell in love. We were together for 24 years. I spent half my life with him, literally. We had an open poly relationship at the end, and things got messy and ugly, and we broke up. We tried to work on it for about a year, counseling a couple times. It was just too big of a chasm between us. I was eventually the one who had to say that I thought that there was no room left for things to be worked on. So technically, I left him. My question is this, I’ve done a lot of work and gone to great lengths to communicate with my husband, soon to be ex. I guess you know my side of the street, what I’m remorseful for, what I regret, what I own up for (my whole emotional journey). He is still anger and the vitriol. He’s never been a person who can accept responsibility for his actions, that’s kind of part of the problem. I’m having a really hard time moving on when the other person’s opinion, I’m the root of all evil, and I just want to work towards having a relationship with him someday, because I miss my best friend.

 

Sarah Silverman  15:24

Oh, sweetheart.

 

Rory Albanese  15:26

I have so many thoughts on this.

 

Sarah Silverman  15:27

I’m so sorry. I’m gonna say a couple things, and then I’ll open the floor to Rory. That must be so hard, and it’s hard to be blamed in in the middle of something where you’re also going through this. Here’s the thing, you can only control yourself. Talking about your side of the street and saying all those things can’t be so that he does it too. It’s for you as much as it is for him that you say, “Hey, I take responsibility for my piece in this”. You want him to do the same, but you can’t control that, unfortunately. When you try to control your partner or your ex’s emotions, it probably makes it worse. I’m sorry, I know this was a really big relationship in your life (maybe the biggest), but you gotta wish him well and tell him you’re available to talk if he wants, if you want. Besides that, (this is easy for me to say), move on with your life and with all the lessons that you learned here. You deserve to be adored and you know yourself. You know this, that this relationship is no longer working. Rory, can you lighten this message?

 

Rory Albanese  15:51

That was really good. I don’t really have anything to say to lighten it, but I’ll try. I think you’re going for have my cake and eat it too. That’s what the whole poly thing was about as well, right? Now, you want to get out of it and have him be cool with it, and give you permission and still be friends. Get all the aspects of having him in your life, but not having to be together, but also have him give you permission to be happy, it’s not gonna happen. That’s what like happens in a breakup. One person goes out one way, one person goes out another way. Like Sarah said, you can’t control how the other person’s gonna perceive it. You just gotta give it time.

 

Sarah Silverman  17:45

It’s funny that you perceived it that way, because my perception of it is a lot of end of relationships, last ditch efforts are “Let’s bring someone new into our relationship, or let’s be have an open relationship”. I’m not saying I’m against a poly relationship, a throuple, open relationship.

 

Rory Albanese  18:04

Good to know.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:08

I’m sure there are many that work. But, for people who that’s like the last ditch effort before they say this is not working, it tends to be a thing.

 

Rory Albanese  18:19

I took it as they were together 24 years, and they’re like, “Let’s poly it up. Just have some fun”. Then that unraveled the relationship that the polying is what messed it up.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:31

My guess is it started before that.

 

Rory Albanese  18:33

Sure.

 

Sarah Silverman  18:34

It better than the version of, “If you marry me, I’ll stop being crazy” Or “If we have a baby, I’ll be better”, but it’s in the same genre of that.

 

Rory Albanese  18:49

But I do think at the end of the day, when you end a relationship with somebody, you want what you want from them now to feel okay about it. They don’t have to give it to you.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:01

What you want from them is for them to be okay about it. Is that it?

 

Rory Albanese  19:04

I think a lot of times you have that feeling of like, “I want this person that I know I hurt”, and maybe he doesn’t feel like hehurt him.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:11

That may not have hurt him. He may have been the one who’s.

 

Rory Albanese  19:13

He said he ended it. I don’t know. Maybe we heard a different message.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:17

What I heard was he ended it, but he’s the heartbroken one, because he ended it, cause there was no longer a bond.

 

Rory Albanese  19:26

The other person might not have that same experience, which is why they didn’t end it. They still felt there was a bond. My point is, when you end something, you want the dream ending of a thing is the conscious uncoupling, where everyone’s like, “Gets along and it’s super cool”, and no worries. Even getting to that place takes time, you got to give it time to heal, right? You’re not always going to get that, but doesn’t mean you can’t continue on.

 

Sarah Silverman  19:53

I hear what you’re saying. It’s like, “I want to break up, and then you be fine with it”.

 

Rory Albanese  20:00

Yeah. I want everyone who we were mutually friends with to be cool with it, and everything’s basically the same, everyone’s happy […]. I know that feeling because I’ve gone through it, but I think then you learn. I’ve gone through it a lot of times. So I think you learn after a while that you just don’t get that.

 

Sarah Silverman  20:22

Funny, I inferred a very different scenario from the same college.

 

Rory Albanese  20:28

I’ve been apologized to and probably not given the person what they want. I’ve definitely apologized maybe not gotten back when I want. I think you just kind of have to go all (exactly what you said), which was all I can control in life, is my own shit.

 

Sarah Silverman  20:40

You know what it made me think of? Your sleeping bag story.

 

Rory Albanese  20:44

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  20:45

Because there’s this unhoused man outside of Rory.

 

Rory Albanese  20:49

Oh no, this guy was homeless.

 

Rory Albanese  20:50

Right. Almost.

 

Rory Albanese  20:54

This is in New York so he was homeless. In L.A where they solved homelessness, we just have on house.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:00

I think the idea behind saying unhoused people is that their identity isn’t that they’re homeless, they’re human beings in this situation.

 

Rory Albanese  21:09

Got it right. This was back before COVID. So, he was homeless.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:16

He saw this man, and it was winter.

 

Rory Albanese  21:19

I was living in New York and on my corner was a guy. It was the coldest February I think, 2019. Look at the weather charts. It was cold. Basically, this guy was just freezing out. It was negative five degrees every night. I was walking home from the subway back to my apartment, and I kept seeing this dude in the bungle up in this little sleeping bag. It just started driving me nuts and you get this thing in your head, “Oh man, I’m not the kind of person who just walks”. I always joke around about this because Korea says this is a Christian country, but we have the worst Christians, because probably we have so many homeless people.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:56

Right.

 

Rory Albanese  21:56

Aren’t they supposed to help? I walk past this guy.

 

Sarah Silverman  21:59

I love that word. Jews walking by the unhoused going, “These Christians are terrible. Someone’s gonna take care this people”.

 

Rory Albanese  22:05

That’s my bit, my responsibility. I’m a Jew.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:10

Brilliant, but of course, we don’t believe that. Okay, go.

 

Rory Albanese  22:14

I said, I’m gonna do something for this guy. It wasn’t like about heroic, but I’m like, “I’m gonna get him”. It’s like, “I’m gonna get him an apartment. I got him a heated blanket”. But, I went on Amazon.

 

Sarah Silverman  22:24

It’s like a sleeping bag that he is.

 

Rory Albanese  22:25

It was a heated sleeping bag that you charge and you might say, “Well, how can you charge it?” Because there’s these charging stations in New York and I got them, all the power cords. I bought it, opened it, charged the whole thing. Put it back, put it in the case. I was like, “This is going to be a special moment in my life. I’m going to walk down the street on a freezing night in New York City. It’s like Brisk Tribeca, desolate streets, and I’m gonna walk up to this guy. I’m gonna go, “Sir, I got you this heated blanket”. And he’s gonna hug me and say, “My name’s Carl”, and he’s gonna tell me his life story. He’s gonna be like, “This guy that I like learned from, and he like teaches me to play chess”. I have this whole fantasy of where it was gonna go. I was like, “Hey”, and I did that part. I was like, “Hey Sarah, I got you this heated blanket”. He said, “I’m good man. No thanks”. I was like, “No”. It’s like, “It’s heated. It’s all charges”, like, “I don’t want it, plenty warm”. He was like, a dick. I was like, “No, you’re not supposed to say that”. You’re supposed to teach me chess”.

 

Rory Albanese  23:14

He was a dick.

 

Rory Albanese  23:14

I was like, “Okay”. Then I gave him the blanket I left. I was like, “You sure?”, he’s like, “I guess I’ll bring it to the shelter andsee if someone else wants it”. I was like, “Oh, right then stay warm, pal”. Then I went back to my apartment. You can’t set expectations for how people are going to react to what you do. You just can only move forward.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:38

It’s just a conditional kindness.

 

Rory Albanese  23:43

That’s the thing I’ve learned very much which is, you can’t put your expectations on someone else. You can just do what you do and they’ll receive it how they receive it, which is exactly what Sarah said.

 

Sarah Silverman  23:55

You can only control yourself. Okay. And I can control Rory.

 

Rory Albanese  24:00

What?

 

Sarah Silverman  24:00

What’s next? Next question? Next caller.

 

Shaheen  24:03

Hey, Sarah. It’s your best friend, Shaheen from California. I was listening to your last episode, and you said the word cunty very casually. Then this woman asked about the word cunt bag. I thought to myself, “When did that happen?”. Remember in the 90s when people were afraid to say cunt it was the C-word. It was the female N-word, no one. Womendidn’t say it about themselves. No one would dare say it about a woman. I mean, they did. We did. When did that happen? Was there something in society that allowed it to happen? Or Did women reclaim it? Or was it RuPaul […]? Do you have any thoughts? Love you. Bye.

 

Sarah Silverman  24:48

That’s really interesting question. For me, it’s all about intention. Just say, like, “Oh, I was kind of cunty. I’m sorry”. Even my rabbi sister years ago. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, and you’re supposed to look back on your year and think about where you fucked up and what you could have done better, what you did wrong. You atone for it. You call people, you apologize. It’s kind of one of the steps of AA, but Jewish. She would call me and be like, “I’m sorry if I was cunty to you”, but I am way more comfortable with that word. I’m very comfortable with that word, to be honest, but I’mcomfortable with most words. I would say, of all the words that bum me out, I bitch to me. Calling someone a bitch isway grosser than cunt. But, I guess if someone called someone a cunt in anger, that’s pretty harsh. Also because inBritain, it’s just means like asshole. I think kind of taking back the word, and people like RuPaul. Even I’ve heard Howard Stern say it in casual ways, in that way of just being cunty. I say it and stuff, and I will say there’s one person that can call me a fucking bitch. For some reason, I fucking love it otherwise I don’t really like it. And that person, do youknow who that is?

 

Rory Albanese  26:29

It’s me, and I just did it 10 minutes ago. Now, you can take that and play it back in slow motion.

 

Sarah Silverman  26:40

We fight and we say things, but when he calls me a fucking bitch, it’s always.

 

Rory Albanese  26:46

But, I don’t do it to fight.

 

Sarah Silverman  26:48

Exactly. It’s always kind of serious, but totally not. I don’t know why it gets my giggle.

 

Rory Albanese  26:55

It’ll be just if you’re complaining about something, like, “Yeah”, but you don’t have to be a fucking bitch about it.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:03

I don’t know why.

 

Rory Albanese  27:03

But I’m doing it sarcastically.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:03

That’s funny.

 

Rory Albanese  27:03

Now being the bitch.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:04

You know what it makes me think of? Is my mom, not very infrequently, sweared. She said shit, and every once in a while, maybe a fuck. We didn’t have a household where we couldn’t say words. We could say any word, but my mother didn’t really partake in it. I got really fuck. I felt so mad at her once. I was, like 12, and my dad had gotten me a prince racket. You remember?

 

Rory Albanese  27:36

I didn’t know prince made tennis racket.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:39

I had the big. It was the first time.

 

Rory Albanese  27:42

The prince logo.

 

Sarah Silverman  27:44

It came with a little thing of stickers, so you could put your name in stickers on the racket. I was so mad at my mom, andI took those little letters and I wrote bitch on her door. I stuck it to her bedroom door, and then I went upstairs. My room was in the attic, and I started getting very nervous and very scared that I was in big trouble. For reasons I don’t understand, it doesn’t track with her personality at all. She not only loved it, but never removed it. Literally, I would come home as a full grown adult in my 20s and my 30s, bitch still on the door.

 

Rory Albanese  28:30

Maybe that came out of the fact that your mom made you live in the attic, and that’s why. By the way, just to back track on one thing he said about the N-word for women, I think is also the N word.

 

Victor  28:50

Hello, Sarah. My name is Victor. I just wanted to give you a quick note tell you that I really enjoyed your special. I’ve been a fan of yours for years, but it’s always been stand up comedy. It’s all jokes and laughs. Then, when I heard you speaking on Marc Maron’s podcast, that came out recently.

 

Sarah Silverman  29:14

What did they say? No idea.

 

Victor  29:16

A lot of that really hit home for me dealing with growing up Jewish, but in an area where your not around a whole lot of other Jews. For me, having to like, “Oh no, we’re Jewish”. It’s not a big deal and trying to avoid that, kind of never really feeling religious. The specialty just really hit home, and I was crying and laughing and then laughing through tears. You’re like audio therapy to me in a lot of ways. I just wanted to extend my gratitude and wish you the best of luck in the future. Thank you.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:02

Well, thanks for calling Victor. That’s so nice. Now, I know you’re talking about. Growing up in New Hampshire, and there were not other Jews. When I would meet people, they would notice I was Jewish or my last name. Maybe their parents said, “Oh, they’re Jewish”. I would feel compelled. Obviously, I didn’t consciously think any of this until I looked back on it as an adult, and was like, “Oh, we’re Jewish, but we’re totally not”. So deeply apologetic.

 

Rory Albanese  30:42

I think that’s common, though, because I had that growing up.

 

Sarah Silverman  30:46

Yeah, you didn’t grow up in a Jewish area?

 

Rory Albanese  30:48

No, well I grew up in Long Island which has Jews, no doubt. But, my town is predominantly Irish Catholic, and there’s a Jewish community. But also my dad isn’t Jewish or wasn’t Jewish. My dad’s an Italian Catholic. I always had that feelingof most of the guys I was friends with were all, like, “Irish Catholic, dude”.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:06

Silly.

 

Rory Albanese  31:07

Yeah. I always was kind of annoyed at my parents that they could have picked me being Catholic, which would have just made it so much easier.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:16

That very easy religion of Catholicism.

 

Rory Albanese  31:20

Well, easier in the sense of saying accepted in the town I was growing up.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:26

Go to CCD and everyone went to CCD […].

 

Rory Albanese  31:34

I remember hanging out my buddies sometimes, and they were like, “We go to CCD”, and it was, “Just go home”. You just sort of felt like an odd man out. I remember resenting my parents.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:38

CCD sucked, and no one wanted to go, but you wanted to be a part of the sucking.

 

Rory Albanese  31:42

Yeah. I always had that when I was a kid was like, “I don’t know why you picked Jewish. You could have just picked”, because we did Christmas still. We identified as Jewish because my mom’s family. Just interesting, because you just want to not be the thing that isn’t the most.

 

Sarah Silverman  31:59

You don’t want to be different as a kid.

 

Rory Albanese  32:00

Yeah.

 

Sarah Silverman  32:02

All right. Well, thank you, Victor. What else?

 

Anna  32:07

Hi, Sarah. It’s your old pal, Anna. I ended my relationship yesterday despite how all of this might sound. He’s actually a really kind, good hearted person, and we were together for five months. The first two months were great – calm, drama free. He was really supportive, and I definitely saw a future with him and he made it known that. He wanted to marry me, and really saw a future with me that he never felt this way about anyone before. But, life had gotten tense. I left a toxic job. I started my own business. My dog nearly died, and I was hit with a $6,000 bill, all within a few weeks. My insomnia that’s chronic, worsened, and I was struggling to hold everything together. He admitted a month ago that seeing me struggle was hard for him, so I started holding back trying not to share too much, but that left me feeling disconnected. Last week, we’d argued. He said I was emotionally unstable and my moods weren’t normal. I explained that I was getting back to myself, and that I already do everything I can – running a business, being a psychologist, caring for a demanding dog, exercising, I see a therapist as well. In the last month, I’d been feeling a lot better, so I was very confused about how much he was struggling. He asked me to limit what I share so he wouldn’t be impacted. That made me feel like I couldn’t be myself. I realized I can’t trust that he’d be there if things got hard again so I ended it. But now I’m scared. I’m 34.

 

Sarah Silverman  33:36

Oh, she got cut off.

 

Rory Albanese  33:41

She may have died. She’s 34, she probably died of old age.

 

Sarah Silverman  33:46

Well, I’m sorry. Listen, it wasn’t a match, and it’s over under five months. That’s not bad.

 

Rory Albanese  33:56

I don’t want to diminish it, because anytime you’re with somebody that you like. It’s a small window of time, so it feels like you don’t really know someone as well as you think. There’s a period of time where people are putting their best. Forexample, when Sarah and I first started dating, I didn’t leave pee on the floor. After year and a half, you’re like, “What todo, break up for a little pee?”. Maybe there you guys put too much out there at once. I’m not really sure.

 

Sarah Silverman  34:30

Five months is actually not a long amount of time.

 

Rory Albanese  34:34

It could be if you’re never been in a relationship, but if you’ve been in longer relationships which I have. Five months is like the courtship. I’m still showering in five months, you know?

 

Sarah Silverman  34:49

Right. Same. There are some elements at play that are up in the air in terms of the facts of this scenario. If you’re going through a lot, you should be able to talk about it with your partner, and also how your partner handles tough times is a good thing to learn. I don’t know if you came home and it’s all about you from the second you see him. He’s sleeping at night, and you’re awake because you have insomnia, and there’s no space for him. That might be something. But if it’s just that he’s a fair weather boyfriend when the chips are down, when you’re going through shit. Doesn’t want to hear it?Then good. This is good that you are out of that relationship.

 

Rory Albanese  35:53

Also, 34 is not old and isn’t really a thing. Can find love at any time.

 

Sarah Silverman  35:59

That’s right.

 

Rory Albanese  36:00

I have great chest hair, and I found someone I love.

 

Sarah Silverman  36:03

You did?

 

Rory Albanese  36:04

Yeah?

 

Sarah Silverman  36:04

Who?

 

Rory Albanese  36:05

You’ll meet her after the podcast.

 

Sarah Silverman  36:06

Oh, wonderful. I look forward to it. Listen, I don’t know the elements involved. I don’t know how you are in relationship as well. I mean, either it was a blessing in disguise, because you can’t spend your life with somebody who wants to head for the hills when the chips are down, or when you’re in a not normal, quote, unquote place. That’s not normal, something that is like a kind of deal breaker for me, that kind of attitude, because there is no normal. Normal is everyone’s experience divided by added together and then divided by that number. I just made that up.

 

Rory Albanese  36:53

That’s pretty good.

 

Sarah Silverman  36:54

It doesn’t make sense, right?

 

Rory Albanese  36:56

Also, it’d be cool to come up ask her. I know that people aren’t lie. But, what do they call someone who does that in Australia? Is there a name for a guy like that? Like, he’s a real nibbler? He comes in there for four months nibbles.

 

Sarah Silverman  37:09

You Jewish, was your grandfather in the holy? Either way, there’s something to be learned from this experience, and I hope you carry that or utilize that in your next relationship. I’m so bored of this (not pf you), of my own voice. Okay. What else?

 

David  37:33

Hey, Sarah. It’s your friend David calling. First time caller, long time listener. My question is regarding my relationship. My partner and I have very different vices when it comes to partying. He is a coke person, and I am more of like a microdose of mushrooms – smoke, weed (that kind of a vibe). Inevitably, the highs of those things just make us not see each other, and they lead to misunderstandings and fights and a lot of frustration. I love him to bits. When we’re not on thesesubstances, we don’t have these problems ever. When we try to come back from the fight, his argument is always, “Well,you have your mushrooms, and I don’t like doing that. This is what I like to do, and they’re the same thing”. I don’t feel like a micro dose of mushrooms really alters my personality in the same way.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:37

Not the same thing.

 

David  38:38

Cocaine does to somebody. I know you’ve mentioned several times that you’re just not a coke person.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:44

So gross.

 

David  38:46

What kind of advice you would have as you do? How to come back from that? Or how to explain that? If you just want to share why you’re not a coke person, because I’m not either.

 

Sarah Silverman  38:57

Do I need to share why I’m not a coke person? Have you ever been around a person on coke? It’s fucking gross. My instincts, because I’m biased. Don’t be with a cokey guy. Yuck. Gross. It goes in no positive direction unless he hits bottom and gets sober. That said, if this is the person you’re in love with, and he’s not a coke addict, he just does it sometimes or whatever the fuck, why don’t you just make it so that if he is gonna do coke, he’s out of the house. Go do have a coke vacation. I can’t suggest this as a positive move, but this is your person and you accept that he does a cocaine. Don’t do it around you. That probably opens up a whole bunch of other doors, but that’s an option or break up with them. It doesn’t sound like you want to break up.

 

Rory Albanese  40:07

The third option. Why don’t you both stop doing fucking drugs if you’re in love with each other, and just be sobering together. I don’t understand how important are the drugs that neither one of you are willing to not do them to be in love. We get along so well, when we’re not on drugs so don’t fucking do drugs. Just get along. I don’t think you have to do drugs. You know, you can if you can do them and enjoy your life […].

 

Sarah Silverman  40:32

A little easier said than done.

 

Rory Albanese  40:37

Just making a larger point. If the drugs are the priority, then definitely get out of the fucking relationship.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:44

Yeah. Ever end well. Unless it ends in sobriety.

 

Rory Albanese  40:48

Yeah, or just a fentanyl overdose which is probably gonna happen sooner than sobriety.

 

Sarah Silverman  40:53

Make sure he’s testing that shit and stuff or has a will.

 

Rory Albanese  40:58

Test it on like a neighbor.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:01

They give out free fentanyl testing. I remember at that Comedy Festival they were giving out free.

 

Rory Albanese  41:08

Well, when you’re at my level, you have a coke tester who’s a person. I’m not going to waste money on kits.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:14

Her name’s Janet. Is Janet alive? Okay, we can do it.

 

Rory Albanese  41:19

Okay, cool stuff’s. Pretty good. Look at Janet, she’s having a blast.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:25

I don’t know what the answer is. But microdosing mushrooms and cocaine could not be more different in terms of what they do for your brain and your life. I’ve done coke. I’ve been around coke. It’s so fucking gross.

 

Rory Albanese  41:47

Gross.

 

Sarah Silverman  41:49

Well, Dad wherever you are in time space, that’s a science term I learned. This is the part of the podcast where I say, send me your questions, your comments, your thoughts, your opinions, your proclamations […].

 

Rory Albanese  42:09

Keep them short. Keep going. I’m so filling in.

 

Sarah Silverman  42:11

Go to speakpipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast that speakpipe.com/the Sarah Silverman podcast. Subscribe to our YouTube channel and wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe. You can watch us visually with your eye holes now. If you haven’t yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple podcasts or for all other podcast apps. Head to lemonadapremium.com for bonus content you will not want to miss. That’s lemonadepremium.com. Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman podcast. We are a production of Lemonada Media. Isabella Kulkarni and Isaura Aceves produce our show. Our mixes by James Barber. Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Our theme was composed by Ben Folds. You can find me at Sarah Kate Silverman on Instagram. Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your prime membership.