Tell Me What to Do

Why We Love the Wrong People

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Description

The bad boys. The gossipy girls. The ones who won’t commit. The people who need “fixing.” When it comes to relationships, do you tend to gravitate towards a certain kind of person, only to have it blow up in your face time and time again? This week Jaime tries to understand why so many of us seem to always pick the wrong people to love and talks about her own patterns in both romantic and platonic love. Plus, listener questions about morphing into a people pleaser in relationships, trying to find the right person after a divorce, and recognizing an unhealthy pattern in friendships.

 

FYI: Tell Me What to Do contains mature language and themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

 

Please note, this show is hosted and produced by a team that does not have any clinical or other mental or physical health training. If you are having a health or mental health crisis or emergency, please contact 911. For non-emergency mental health and addiction needs, try https://www.samhsa.gov for national and local resources.

 

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For additional resources, information, and a transcript of the episode, visit www.lemonadamedia.com/show/tmwtd

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Tatiana, Jackson, Annie, Jaime Primak Sullivan

Jaime Primak Sullivan  00:00

If you’re listening to this going, I am literally the groundhog day of choosing the wrong lover, the wrong friend. This is the podcast for you. And also know that you are not alone. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

So you’re saying there’s a chance? 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I’ve just manipulated you by flattering you.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Wait, what?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

It’s called flavor son. Holy ball sack.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

So difficult. Sorry I ever doubted you condom.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Doo doo doo doo dee dee dee dee dee dee dee..

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Hey guys, you’re listening to TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I am still Jaime Primak Sullivan. I am joined by Jackson. And I’m so glad that he’s here. So I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself. Hi, Jackson. 

Jackson  

Hi, Jaime. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Oh, yeah, I like that projection, Jackson. Makes me happy.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

So I always like to talk about in the beginning of what’s going on this week inside Jaime’s head. And I want to tell you something that I noticed, my children. So you know that we use hellofresh in this house, right? And so they sent us this recipe that was a creamy garlic alfredo chicken pasta thingy with roasted tomatoes that of course, nobody would touch a roasted tomato. Okay, that’s fine. But I just want you to know that in any world, had I made a creamy garlic anything? My kids would have thrown themselves on the floor and been like, this is death. This is worse than death. What is this? But because they made it because Olivia made it. It was she just eliminated the word garlic from her description. Meanwhile, it smelled you were here, right? Were you still here when they were cooking? 

Jackson  02:09

I think so. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Yeah. You could smell the garlic from a mile away. She was like, Oh, it’s spaghetti Alfredo. I’m like, Uh huh.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Everybody loved it. Everybody loved it. No one said a word about the garlic. I could make the same exact sauce tonight. Same recipe. And they would be like, Oh my god, I’m dead. This is death. And I just don’t get what that is.

Jackson  

Prejudice

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Is it? It’s some sort of, like, innate bias against flavor that my children have or something. Max was like, What is this on the chicken? I’m like, flavor. It’s called flavor son. He’s like the speckled stuff. Yes. It’s called seasoning. So that you don’t grow up to be the white kid who eats bland chicken and what like basically, if someone put salt on your food as an adult, you’ll say it send it back. This is too salty. No, it’s called flavor. So anyway, I find that to be interesting. And also, I got mocked and ridiculed by my own children for ordering distinct decorations for Halloween. Thanksgiving slash fall festive, right? Slash obvious Christmas holiday. They all made fun of me. Oh my god, she’s ordering so many decorations. Then they snuck behind my back with their father went to Target and bought decorations for their own room. As we sit in Max’s room right now. Jackson, what do you see?

Jackson  

I see some fairy lights. Some Christmas lights.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Lots of Christmas lights. 

Jackson  

A silver miniature tree. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Is that a Hanukkah bush?

Jackson

It is not it is a Christmas tree with a Christmas star atop.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay, but have we seen a silver Christmas tree before? Because that looks like a Hanukkah bush.

Jackson

Oh, well, I see multicolored.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  04:12

Okay. All right. Listen, you’re a cradle Christian. So I trust you. I’m new to this game fairly 25 years but still. And what do you see over there?

Jackson  

Oh, there’s a wreath.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

That’s a wreath on his dresser. So I just want to say that while I was being mocked and belittled for my enthusiasm for the various holiday seasons, my children went behind my back and bought decorations at Target.

Jackson 

They’re making fun of you for Thanksgiving decoration.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

What do you mean?

Jackson  

It’s, you know, it’s of the three. It requires the least amount of decorations.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Are you not thankful?

Jackson 

I can be thankful without decorations. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

But can you? 

Jackson 

Yes. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Can you be festive without decorations?

Jackson 

I mean.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Right. If this was a game show survey would say nothing Jackson. So the other things going on in my world. So it looks like Hollywood is still with this whole COVID thing, although Oracle is shooting in New Orleans, and we thank god knock on wood have been doing really well, which makes me happy because, you know, it is interesting to get COVID tested every two days and still have to wear a mask and a face shield. It’s kind of like, why are we getting tested if we’re going to dress in spacesuits, but I’m not going to say anything. I’m just going to do exactly what they tell me to do. But I am excited about the prospect. I almost said prosthetic, I am excited about the prospect of a vaccine, 95% efficiency in a clinical trial. Obviously, only 174 patients but 95% I’ll take my chances. I mean, condoms, I think are less effective. What’s the efficiency on a condom? Do we know? It’s probably like 92% and it’s probably mostly user error because men always tried to be slick like, do you know to put this on like, put your own damn condom on.

Jackson  06:22

Condoms are 98%.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Oh, they are? When used properly. Condoms are 98% effective? Against what?

Jackson  

Pregnancy?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Really? That’s high. Sorry, I ever doubted you condom. And if you’re listening to this, my guess is, you know, Washington still in a state of disarray. But if you’re listening to this, hopefully you have ordered your Thanksgiving turkey. Because if not, you’re going to end up having to buy one that’s frozen at your supermarket. I ordered one because I’m a turkey snob. I ordered one from Evans Meats. Oh, yeah Evan. Jackson hates me, guys. This week, we are talking about why sometimes we are attracted to the wrong people. And by we I mean me. And by sometimes, I mean all the time. In fact, I was given a disclaimer and a warning about marrying Michael and I still married him. And I wanted to talk about this topic because it tends to be cyclical. Do you know what that means, Jackson? Okay, why don’t you tell everybody?

Jackson  

Well, it means to have a cycle to repeat itself.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Yes. It tends to be a thing that we do over and over and over again, if you’re listening to this going, I am literally the groundhog day of choosing the wrong lover, the wrong friend. This is the podcast for you. And also know that you are not alone. I do the same shit. I am a fixer, right? I have like a Mother Teresa complex where I always see somebody who you know was the outcast or doesn’t believe in themselves and then I want to swoop in and over love them so that they can feel emotionally tethered to me in some way and just see that I am. Remember of the sun in Teletubbies? It was like a face in the sun. That’s me. Just shining down on you. Odd shaped colorful bodies. Right? I have the weirdest need to love. Like forsaken or broken people back to life. And let me tell you something. It never works out for me. Like listen to me. Okay, it’s like the toad in the scorpion. It never works out for me. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

If it was betting in Vegas, the odds would be zero to one. Or I don’t know that I don’t really know. beddings or like I could be I don’t know if that’s right or not. But I have done it so many times with lovers and friends. And it has never, ever, ever, not one time worked out. Not one time have I been able to change someone’s chemical disposition by loving them harder or loving them while they were manipulating me or loving them while they were using me. Never. But guess what, Jackson? 

Jackson  

What? 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Doesn’t stop me from trying. No, I still do it. Unfucking unbelievable. It really is. So here’s the thing. I did think for a while that maybe it was just me. I was glutton for punishment, and like I was stuck in some purgatorious loop of, you know, just loving the wrong people. And then I realized through CAWFEE TALK and you know, life, that it’s not just me that a lot of people do this. And the last time that I did, oh my gosh, now it’s all coming back to me. I can barely recall. That’s a really bad line. And that song right now I can barely recall. But it’s all coming back to me now. Which is it Celine? Okay, so, a few years ago, and by a few, I think it was 2015. There was a girl woman whatevs. who needed me. That’s how I saw it. She needs me. And I’m going to come into her life and befriend her and teach her things. And I’m going to fulfill this professional obligation for her. And so many people warned me. She’s a user. She can’t be trusted. She’s a manipulator. She literally makes up lies about her childhood. She will get you to feel sorry for her to give her money to do the all of these things. And here came my ego. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  11:29

Not you Jaime, she would never don’t do those things to you. Because your love is different. Your love is better, stronger, faster. Your love is Kanye basically. Right? And I overlooked every red flag. That’s the thing about red flags. If you don’t want to see him, you’ll just you know remember Super Mario Brothers doo doo doo doo dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee. Right? And you’re just boing, boing. That’s me with the red flags. Oh, just cruising on down to the tunnel there. Right? You know what I’m talking about? How do you know?

Jackson  12:04

I played Super Mario. 

Jackson 

But how? You’re so young.

Jackson  12:06

I mean, they remake it like every few years. So I played a newer version.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

But you didn’t play like my original version? Did you? 

Jackson 

I have but to like all the way through. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

What’s the theme song when you save the princess? When you get the when you get the flag at the end?

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

My god. High five. Don’t touch me. We have COVID.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Doo doo doo. No, de de de det. And when you’re swimming, it’s different. I don’t remember the swimming but yeah, okay. Anyway, we just memory lane there.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

long story short. This girl did every single thing people told me she would do. I tried trauma bonding with her. I tried sharing personal details about my life with her. By the way, big mistake when you’re dealing with a snake that rhymes slogan. Big mistake. When you’re dealing with a snake, do not ever share personal details about your life in hopes of trauma bonding or emotional bonding. Because it becomes ammunition for them to use against you when you call them out on their shit eventually, and you will have to because they’ve manipulated and used you so much you have no choice but to be like, Oh my god, you use me so bad. And then they say, well, you don’t really want to make a big deal about that. Because you told me this, this and this and you go fuck I really did. And you would think that I would have learned my lesson in 2016. Right? When that all went south. 

Guess what? I didn’t? Nope. And it happened to me again in 2018 with another girl. And I loved her and I poured into her and I mothered her and I built her up. And I’m not saying we didn’t have good times. See, that’s the thing about these cycles. You see the red flags, but there are genuine good times. There are moments of love and laughter and so you make excuses for the other things because you want to focus on the good times. But it happened again. And as much as I tried to pour into her and as much as I tried to coffee talk her in as much as I tried to be like a very present motherly, loving figure. You can’t change somebody’s chemical makeup. You can’t. I can’t love you into self-confidence I can pour into you. I can tell you what I think you’re worth I can tell you what I see. But what I’ve learned, but probably we’ll do it again, anyway, is that no matter how much you love someone or how much you pour into them or you build them up until they develop the tools for themselves, they will divert back to default mode which is to manipulate to you use to hurt and I do believe they feel remorse sometimes unless they’re a sociopath like the one in 2015 he was a full on fucking femme fatale. Okay, a full Glenn Close. 

No shit. Like, when I threw her out of my house, I believe the last words I said to her were if you don’t get the fuck out of my house, I will throw you by your hair. And I don’t resort to violence anymore. So you have to know Jesus had stepped away from the Zoom in that moment, because Ooh. But this last one, I didn’t do that. Because I knew that I was partially to blame for the predicament that I had found myself in. I wish I could say I broke the pattern. But I can tell you that I am not. I don’t know that I’ve broken it. But I can tell you I’m not currently in it right now. So I know that this is something that has affected a lot of you and I want to get into that so we can really like dissect it and pick it apart. Before we do. Get to all your great questions. Let’s take a really quick break.

16:17

Okay, did you miss me? Because that was still me. And now it’s me again. All right. So our first voicemail comes from a listener named Annie. Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? I always wondered if Annie ever she turned out. Okay. So let’s take a moment to listen.

Annie 

Hi, Jaime, my name is Annie. And I need your help. Every relationship that I have been in, I ended up being a big-time people put you there. And even in the beginning of the relationship seems equal towards the end, it always ends up where I’m doing everything being everything, giving everything and the guys giving very little to nothing. So I don’t know why I keep going for these types of men, or if this is something I’m doing that’s causing this and I need to fix. But I really need your help. So Jaime, please tell me what to do?

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Okay, so you end up in relationships where you’re doing everything being everything, giving everything and you don’t know why you keep going for these types of men. But to me, it sounds less about the men and more about you, right? So I could tell you all day long, what is wrong with the women I chose to be friends with. But really the person in the loop the person in the cycle is me, not them. And let’s talk a little bit about people pleasers, because I am not a people pleaser, per se. But I do know many people pleasers and I have had a lot of buzzed. You know, conversations over cocktail talk, tequila talk, where, you know, we’ve had honest conversations about it. There’s one in particular I can think of right now who I love so much. And she really struggles with the cycle of people pleasing and anxiety that comes from feeling the need to please, people pleasers yearn for outside validation.

18:20

That’s the problem. That’s the inherent like, their self-confidence is based on getting approval or buy in from other people. And they live in a constant fear of being disliked or cut off from the group they want to be a part of, or coming across as seemingly like difficult, right? They don’t want to ever be the person that makes waves. I have a friend who’s a people pleaser. And she said to me, I am less afraid of actually getting COVID and getting sick than I am from having to be the mom or the person that calls people and says I’m so sorry to tell you that I think we may have exposed you to COVID like she lives in fear, like crippling fear of what people think. And I will say that I don’t necessarily fault people who get into relationships with people pleasers, because we’re all exhausted. And it is nice to be with someone who wants to handle everything. You know what I mean? Sure, does it show more character if you stop the person and go like, hey, you’ve basically done everything in the last couple of months. Let me pick up the load in this friendship or in this relationship. 

Let me plan some meals, let me clean that, you know, let me do whatever, you know, whatever. Sure, it shows good character. But I do understand how people fall into the habit of like letting you do everything and say fix everything and whatever if you’re doing it willingly, but you can’t do it and then become resentful of your own behavior, because that’s what’s happening. You’re resentful in these relationships that you’ve become the person you know you are and you’re not actually doing any of the work to fix, right? So you’re looking at them, like, how dare you and they’re looking at you like, Man, you make this really easy. You know? So really the issue is you and I can give you a couple of tips that I have given friends. And I don’t know, necessarily that everyone works, or that these few work in tandem, but you can move them over. The first one is remember, you have a choice. 

20:34

You are in control of you, you have a choice to say yes, or to do or to initiate or to say no, or to not do or to not initiate. Well, if I don’t initiate plans, we will never see each other. Well, that’s very telling. If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Again, very telling. If I don’t say yes, then I’m afraid he’ll think I’m not interested or that’s on you. Right? These are you things. So you must remember, you have a choice. people pleasers are so default to say yes. That they often forget, there’s an option to say no. You have to remind yourself that you could say no. Which brings me to number two. I am the queen of this Jackson. It’s called stalling. Am I not the queen of that? I am, how good am I? How good am I at stalling? 

Jackson  21:34

You could stall forever. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I could stall forever, which is basically stopping but we’ll call it stalling. Right? Take time to think about how the decision or the choice or the action that you are contemplating or use that’s been asked of you will affect you. Not them. people pleasers are also fallen to default of thinking well, if I don’t say yes, how will it affect them? Who gives a shit? How will it affect you? Start thinking about you. Because if you don’t, you will become overburdened, overworked, over tasked. anxious. All of that can lead to depression, resentfulness, it leads to vaginal dryness, Jaime no, it doesn’t. Yes, it does. being emotionally exhausted and anxious. will make dry your whole body out. You think I’m kidding? I am not asking anybody ask any people pleaser, who had suffered from anxiety and they will tell you, it is so hard for them to emotionally rest and unwind that they cannot like, get wet. Ladies, I’m talking to you. And I’m being serious. 

22:54

The third tip is consider if you’re being manipulated, please because that’s where I always get stuck. Do they flatter you before they ask you to do something? For example, Jackson, you set up for every podcast, that is part of your job. If it wasn’t in your job description, and I said things like I really, I really liked the way the podcast goes better when you set up the podcast. It just everything you do it better, please, will you? What are you going to say? 

Jackson.

Sure. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Right, I’ve just manipulated you by flattering you into doing what I want you to do. It’s a very my mother’s generation tactic. That emotional manipulation. If you are being manipulated, when they ask you to do things I really, you cook so much better than I do the kids eat so much better when you cook Michael, just please you do it. I like the way you do it. That’s manipulation. Michael knows when he’s been manipulated. This is always me. Will you make me a cocktail. Why can’t you just make your own cocktail? I like it the way it tastes better when you do it. It’s like I’m at a bar and you’re my bartender. And I can flirt with you. Reluctantly he gets up and sighs he knows he’s been manipulated. I mean, he does it because he loves me but that’s a manipulation. And he’s not actually a people pleaser. In fact, Michael, nobody has said no, seriously fuck you without saying it. To me more than Michael? Nobody. In fact, when we record our podcast episodes together, I’m gonna address that. 

24:34

Michael loves to be like No, fuck, Go fuck yourself. And I’m so not used to hearing now that I’m like, Wait, what? What does no mean? What does that even mean? So Annie, I think you’ve answered Michael Jackson’s question. No, Annie, you are not okay. You are a people pleaser. So I’m giving you those three tips. Remember that you have a choice. stall. Think about how whatever answer you give will affect you. It’s not about them, and then determine if you’re being manipulated. And if you are absolutely not, you do not do it.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Listener question number two, this question comes from Heather. And she asks, How do I find someone worth my time? I’m 32, divorced for three years, and seem to not be able to find someone worth my time on dating. I’ve had two serious boyfriends since the divorce. But I’ve been single right at a year this time around. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have high standards, but I don’t think that’s going overboard.

Well, there’s so much I don’t know here. Like, why? Why did you get divorced? That would be very telling to me. Also, you’ve had two serious boyfriends in three years, except the last year you’ve been single, which means you had two serious boyfriends within two years from your divorce. I’m no relationship expert. But it sounds like you’re trying. What’s with the serious boyfriends? First, I don’t really like that you’re making people you’re serious boyfriend so quickly. I think that’s why you’re getting disappointed because you’re, you’re moving these people into positions on your chessboard. Now that I’ve been watching the Queen’s gambit. And I can use chess references like that. You’re moving these Knights into position on your chessboard too quickly. And what happens is you like the idea of having a serious boyfriend. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  26:47

And then you realize they’re not really serious boyfriend material. Eve answered the age-old question, what comes first? The boyfriend or the poor decision? And the answer is the poor decision. You got to go back and slow your roll honey, that’s a very young like useful term, they’re slow your roll. That’s what the kids say. So I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, per se, other than all the things you’re doing wrong, which are meeting people and making them your serious boyfriend very quickly. And then finding out that you don’t think they’re worth your time. Honey, you got to put that flame down, flip it and reverse it. Missy Elliott once famously said, you got to slow your roll. Get to know them. determine that they are worth your time. And then make them your serious boyfriend. Right? 

Jackson 

Definitely.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Thank you, Jackson. Thank you for chiming in after fucking 20 minutes of silence. Jesus Jackson.

Jackson 

This is stuff that’s not my.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Is this not your pervious? 

Jackson  

No.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Why? Why not Jackson?

Jackson

Because I am just not as wise as you.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Hey, okay, Jackson okay, guys, you got to love him. So that’s my advice to you, Heather. And I really like your question, because I love the notion that you think you can’t find anyone worth your time, because you don’t even realize that you’re not taking the time to determine worth and by worth I mean, what they bring to your what they add to your life, right? Not like somebody’s human worth, because we’re all God’s children, obviously. So that is my answer to you. And I love that you wrote in. And thank you for doing that. And before we get to the last question, let’s take another quick break, because Guys, please remember without these breaks, we can’t make a podcast and we’re incredibly, incredibly grateful for our sponsor. So take a listen.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I’m really good at those ad reads guys; I should do this for a living. And we’re back. Let’s get to our last listener question. This voicemail comes from Tatiana which is a name I happen to love in Virginia, which is a city for lovers. Is it a state? Alright, fine. Virginia, is a state for lovers dammit Ivan edit that to make me sound cool. Who asks about attracting the wrong types of friendships? Let’s listen.

Tatiana 

Hi, Jaime. My name is Tatiana from New Jersey. Formally now I’m in Virginia. I just ended two friendships that I wanted to discuss that I seem to be in a pattern. One was a 30-year friendship since grade school. And she was upset with me because I didn’t come see her when I returned to New Jersey because of COVID. But I didn’t go out of my way to see her my last two trips to New Jersey, because I was upset that she did not even bother to come see me the last four months that I lived in the state five minutes from her, and didn’t even help me pack one box. So definitely her inaction was a result of my reaction with her. And she also always calls me high on pot, which is very frustrating to have any kind of memory or relationship with somebody that continues to do that. My other friendship that I just ended last week was a six-year friendship with a colleague that lives across the country. And she frequently calls me drunk probably 85% to 90% of the time, which is mirroring the other friendship where they both are on some type of substance. 

Tatiana  30:48

And it’s the same thing, she doesn’t recall what we speak about and gets very defensive. And when I called her out for constantly being repetitive, and repeating herself and rambling, which gets frustrating after six years, she attacked me and hung up on me and then proceeded to text me crazy stuff from four different phones until 4:30 in the morning, because I refuse to respond and blocked her. So I was just wondering, because I really cared about both the girls and love them. I feel like God might be calling them out of my life. But should it maybe in the future in a couple weeks or a couple months, try to make amends. I mean, I don’t really feel like I was wrong. Too much in either instance. So I just don’t know what to do, or do we just outgrow each other like you had discussed on a previous podcast. Thank you so much for what you’re doing. Have a blessed day. Bye.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

All right, Tatiana. Sounds like you are stuck in a very bad pattern. And surrounded by people struggling with some sort of substance abuse. And your question, I think what you’re asking me is that you’ve made the decision to end these friendships. And was it right to end them? First, let me tell you this, about this. Like, when you start thinking about whether you need to end a friendship, it’s time to end a friendship. I mean, the fucking second the thought crosses your mind that a friendship needs to end. And I don’t mean, you’ve had a like a fight. Friends can have disagreements. That’s not what I mean. I mean, the second you start to think this friendship isn’t healthy for me. You know, like it’s toxic for me, or it’s one sided, or it’s unhealthy or it doesn’t feel good anymore. That is the moment that you need to spot the expiration date on the back of the carton friendship carton and throw that shit in the recycling bin. 

32:54

Because here’s what happens from there. Every single thing that goes on from there, even if you have moments of brevity, builds resentment. And nothing good comes from staying past the expiration date in anything. Have you ever tasted sour milk? Jackson? It’s disgusting. Have you ever stayed in any type of relationship past the expiration date? How’s that feel? 

Jackson  33:23

It sucks. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

It gives you a pit in your stomach. You see them calling. You don’t want to answer. How many times you look at your phone, you go I definitely don’t have time for that. I can’t I’m not in the space for that. I don’t want to deal with that. Right? That means that is the universe and your instinct, saying it’s time to take a break. Now she does make a good point. Can I circle back at some point in the future? Absolutely. People change if they get their shit together. Amazing. But if somebody’s calling you hammered to berate you four times a week, and then literally, you block them so they find another phone. Honey, you’re in single white female at this point, like that’s not even healthy. If a man was doing that to you, people would urge you to get a restraining order. So just because it’s a friend doesn’t mean it’s that you know that doesn’t make it healthier. I’m going to say that you absolutely made the right decision to end those friendships. 

34:24

The second something is truly unfulfilling for you are disruptive, emotionally disruptive for you, you have a choice. And it’s so ironic that I hear myself saying this out loud to other people, yet I continuously make bad decisions. I continuously, like Mario leap over red flags. And it’s so disappointing to me because I really want to learn that lesson. I just do and then something happens when I go Okay, Jamie, you’re seeing the same red flags and this girl that you saw on this girl and this girl, and you know how this is going to end and then my ego jumps in and goes, No, it could be different. Jurassic Park could happen. And I become Jim Carrey and fucking DUMB AND DUMBER. So you’re saying there’s a chance? No, there isn’t. Oh, so difficult. And so maybe you guys are listening to this going. Okay, Jamie, did you tell us what to do? Are you still just, you don’t know. And I think like, I’ve told you guys what to do. But just know that I’m being incredibly honest, when I say I still make a lot of these mistakes. I do. I still make a lot of these mistakes. I don’t make them in love anymore. Because I you know, I walked down that blissful aisle of marriage. But I make up in friendship all the time.

So annoyed at myself. Anyway, just know that if you find yourself in the same cycle, you’re not alone. I mean, not that that makes it any better. But if you have to be stuck in a sea of despair, at least you’re not the only one in the water. Right? We’re all just drowning together good times.

36:21

I really appreciate you guys leaving reviews of this podcast, I like to read them. Some of them are really funny. Like, don’t listen to this chick. She’s annoying. She sounds like the nanny, which is kind of true. I do sound a little bit like the nanny. But most of them are really nice. And I appreciate that. And thank you for sharing them, and posting on your Instagram stories and tagging me and all of that, because it lets me know that I’m not just talking to Jackson. And I just want you to know that I love you guys. And I do this because I think it’s nice sometimes to know that you’re not in the water alone. Even if the sharks are circling, and we’re probably all going to die at least we’re not going down together. And then we’ll be in the waiting room of heaven together. And I do believe they play Richard Marx in the waiting room of heaven. Do you?

Jackson  37:07

Probably cycles through a playlist.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

A playlist? Right? But I definitely think there’s like wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. And then I have this image of me looking over going Richard Marx.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Yeah, and he’s like, it’s a cabaret style. And he’s like, hit it, Billy. Sing us a song near the piano. Of course, these people are still alive. So in theory, they probably wouldn’t be in the waiting room at heaven. It could be Tupac?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Well. They could be dead, but they’re not. So if I’m there, I could die first. It’s not really fair of me to presume Richard Marx will be in the waiting room in heaven. I just want his music to be playing. So 

Jackson  

You might go to hell. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Wow, Jackson, blasphemy. Oh, strike that from the record, Your Honor. And that’s you, Ivan. Oh, my goodness, the blasphemy. I would like to also know whose music you would like to hear in the waiting room and heaven. Remember that Beetlejuice scene where he’s just waiting. And she’s got the smoke. Are you gonna tell me you didn’t see Beetlejuice? Holy ball sack. How is it possible you have not seen Beetlejuice? Like what do you even do you just cycle through comic books and Star Wars movies? You love that shit?

Jackson  38:36

An infinite amount of movies. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

But BEETLEJUICE? 

Jackson 

There’s 20 movies that I’ve seen.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

Okay, but they’re probably like very marginal, specific sci-fi volken or whatever they’re called. 

Jackson 

Star Trek. Star Wars is about Beetlejuice in the requirements.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Is it? 

Jackson  

Yes.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

You think Star Wars is more influential than Beetlejuice?

Jackson  

Is there a Beetlejuice land at Disney World?

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

No.

Jackson 

Then I think I win. 

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay.

Jaime Primak Sullivan  

I don’t know. I got nothing on that. Well in Beetlejuice, he waits in the waiting room of I think it’s heaven. And there’s a woman with a slit in her throat and she smokes and the smoke comes out of her neck. Anyway. It would be very interesting to know what kind of music would play in like the waiting room of heaven. And I know people probably think it’s like hymns. But I think God’s like, No, you know what I mean? I mean, because the waiting room is kind of like purgatory and you don’t want to just listen to hymns there. Maybe like Panama. Is that the word? Van Halen? Panem No, maybe not. Well, Whitney Houston is there so The Greatest Love of All is definitely on the list. But guys comment and tell me.

40:08

Alright guys, I love you so much and I am so grateful that you have listened to this episode of TELL ME WHAT TO DO. Please share it with all your friends and tell everybody you know that I don’t know that much about what I’m talking about but I like to pretend I do. Until next time, stay safe wear a mask. Wash your hands, and I’ll see you on the flipside.

CREDITS

TELL ME WHAT TO DO is a production of Lemonada Media. The show is produced by Kryssy Pease and associate produced by Claire Jones. It’s edited by Ivan Kuraev. Music is by Dan Molad. Jessica Cordova Kramer, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jaime Primak Sullivan are our executive producers rate and review us and follow us at @lemonadamedia on all your favorite social platforms. Of course you can follow me at @jaimeprimaksullivan on Facebook or at @jamiepsullivan on Instagram. If you have any questions for me that you want me to answer on the show, give me a call at 833-453-6662

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